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Unlike what most assume who see him in the position he is in today, his childhood was fairly normal. No drug addicted mother, no absent father or delinquent brother. Yet, somehow he found himself with a boyfriend who tiptoes across the line between love and obsession. At first the devotion had flattered him, making his heart pound faster every time the other would appear out of nowhere to walk him from dance practice back home or when he went from his volunteer work at the animal shelter to his friend Jenos home to play games with the other boy. Then as the next logical step in their relationship Yuta had asked him out on a proper date which they spent walking along the beach, eating ice cream and talking about anything that came to their minds. Yuta disarmed Haechan with his charming smile and attentive eyes which could read every desire from his lips.
By the end of the date the two were officially a couple.
Who knows if the string of bad decisions started that day or if had he chosen another path for themselves they could have ended differently.
Over the next two years that followed after them becoming boyfriends, their love for each other did not change but it became apparent that they were walking on two different tracks in life. Haechan chose to go the academic route, enrolling at a college close to home so that he could stay close to Yuta and by the end of his first year he moved in with the other. Yuta however rejected the conventional way of living. He wanted more from his life, make it big without having to sit hours in front of a book studying only to forget everything by the start of the next semester. But the USA is unforgiving towards those who deviate from the given path without a fireproof backup plan.
And so Yuta made little money by taking on odd jobs here and there, as a waiter at fancy restaurants or helping out at a nearby Amazon package center. Or at least that's what he told Haechan, though over the years he had to wonder where the money really comes from which Yuta used to spoil his boyfriend. Still he stayed silent and instead enjoyed every second given to him by the older male. Ignorance is bliss as they say.
However the shift in their relationship happened when Haechan moved in with Yuta. His new home is located inside a trailer park in a less than ideal living area. But as long as he can be with Yuta who showers him with love and attention he can ignore the junkies injecting themselves heroin on their porch or the racist comments that get thrown at him when he walks the half an hour to the spot where a friend of his picks him up to go to college. Sometimes he is allowed to use Yutas car to drive to college but that’s not often because that car is his baby and maybe only competitor to Yutas affection.
Time passes and Haechan notices how Yuta starts to smile less at him and spends barely any time with Haechan anymore. More often than not he is left alone in the trailer, having to clean up after Yuta who leaves dirty plates laying around for days and never bothers to vacuum clean the floor.
It’s Monday when the first slap is dealt to Haechans face and Friday when the first bruise forms on his rips from where Yuta had pushed him into the edge of the table. Afterwards he spends an hour crying in their bed about what they’ve become. They are no longer that happy couple who are set on going against the world together and instead joined the many failed couples he could hear screaming at each other at night.
Haechan manages exactly two months after the first time Yuta had touched him in a violent way before he confronts him about their lack of love for each other. For those entire two months Hacehan had felt miserable, asking himself if he was the reason things had changed? Was he no longer interesting enough for Yuta to give him his attention?
The tipping point had been when one night screams had ripped through the night and the thin walls of the trailer. It had gone on for maybe ten minutes before a gunshot brought silence. In shock Haechan could do nothing but lay alone in his bed, Yuta probably staying at a friends house drinking. Then police sirens had filled the night, car doors slamming open and voices commanding in loud voices for the person to come out of the trailer. A dog is barking somewhere and his own trailer is filled with the dancing red and blue lights. It takes a little while before a door is opened and more gunshots ring through the night.
The next day he finds out that the man had shot his wife after an argument about him having an affair and the man himself was later shot by the police after not leaving the house and complying with them. Though there is a whisper going around that the man had opened the door unarmed but with only one arm raised so they shot him on sight.
It wouldn’t be the first time in their trailer park.
Still it makes Hacehan think about his own life. He knows about the gun Yuta hides in one of the cupboards and for which he does not have a license. He also knows about the fights he used to get into when he was in high school. Then there are the nights spent away from home, the duffle bags that come and go and Yutas aggressive behavior. Alone and in tears he comes to the realization that he has to end this for his own safety. Yuta no longer was the passionate lover he used to be but a man standing in front of a cliff ready to jump and take Haechan down with him. He would take a bullet for Yuta but not from him.
Which is why he currently sits on their worn out couch and waits for Yuta to come back home. The other had texted him and said that he would be back by 6pm. It is 7pm now.
Finally the rustling of keys can be heard outside and Yuta stumbles inside. He takes off his shoes and throws them into a corner before he notices that Haechan is sitting on the couch staring at him.
“What are you looking at me like that?” he grunts.
“I wanted to talk to you,” Haechan answers hoping that his voice does not shake to much from holding back tears. He is about to break up with the love of his life but he absolutely does not feel ready to do it.
“But babe I don’t feel like talking to you,” Yuta walks over to the fridge taking out a bottle of beer, “work today was exhausting, I just want to lay down and do nothing”
“We need to break up”
There the sentence is out of his mouth. It feels freeing to finally say those words out loud but immediately tension rises in the room. Yuta stops in motion, just about to tip back the bottle and take a sip.
“What did you just say babe?”
“It’s just- I think it would be better for the both of us if we break up. We need time away from each other”
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Silence as cold as ice hangs between them. Yuta turns around and places the bottle down on the counter his thirst forgotten. Instead he fixes Haechan with a predatory gaze and walks closer till he towers over the younger.
“And what makes you think I will let you leave?”
All the confidence Haechan had going into the conversation leaves immediately at the threatening tone the older uses. Nervously he starts to pick at the skin around his nails and looks down to the floor unable to meet Yutas eyes. It’s the perfect picture to describe their relationship over the past year; Haechan cowering away from an angry Yuta.
But regardless of his fears Haechan has to continue. The way they are living now will only walk them down a darker path and he wants to leave while he still can and prevent himself from being dragged down deeper into the darkness that is his boyfriend.
“We are not good for each other, Yuta. We haven’t been on a date for months, you are always away for your jobs and if you are at home you don’t talk to me. I don’t want us to end up being sad and angry at each other in a shitty trailer. So-So I want to break up,” he whispers getting quieter in the end as Yuta leans closer placing his arms against the backrest, caging Haechan in. He smells like weed and sweat.
“So the princess is not happy with what I provide with MY money while you waste your time studying?”
“No that’s not what I meant-”
“Am I not enough for you? You’ll prefer one of those slick bastards from your university who only want to fuck you because you are an easy hole?”
“Yuta please don’t-”
“Oh no the little princess feels like I don’t spend enough quality time with him, is that it?”
Tears start escaping him as he can no longer stop from showing just how terrified he feels of his boyfriend. In the back of his mind he wonders if the killed woman had felt the same kind of fear before her husband murdered her.
“I can show you what I do for fun while spending time with you”
Suddenly Yuta grabs him by the biceps and pulls him up from the couch. Haechan is torn between resisting the tight grip that will surely leave a bruise on his skin or simply doing what Yuta wants him to do to escape the wrath if he does not stay submissive.
He ends up following Yuta yet giving him slight resistance. As a result Yuta slaps him across the face so hard that he stumbles against the front door Yuta has opened to drag him outside in the direction of his car.
Haechan knows better than to scream for help. Nobody in this part of the city would help him anyway and who knows what Yuta plans to do to him in his angered state. So he stays silent as Yuta opens the car door and pushes him inside.
Yuta on the other hand does not climb in right away, instead he opens the trunk and fishes out a bag. Then with the bag in his hands the older enters on the driver's side. Haechan expects him to start driving but he locks the car doors and opens the black bag.
He pulls out a pair of handcuffs and Haechan is able to catch a glimpse of the other stuff laying in there. What catches his attention the most are the two guns and the munition.
A cold shudder runs down Haechans back.
“Yuta please let’s talk about this,” he whispers, fear having a tight clutch on his vocal cords.
“Oh baby you should have known to keep your pretty mouth shut. Talking is not always the solution,” with a manic glint in his eyes he continues, “but maybe a change of scenery will help, I’m sick of this place anyways, so let's run away”
Fast and with a strength Haechan can’t match Yuta wrestles the handcuffs onto him. They are cold and unrelenting against his skin. Never in his life had he imagined ever being cuffed, not by police nor by his boyfriend. He has always been the darling, the show off boy everyone admired for his big heart and diligence. Now he is caught in a car with his boyfriend driving them off to who knows where, two guns and possible drugs their only luggage.
“But first I need to take care of a few things”
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They drive not for long but it’s long enough for Haechans tears to dry and to accept the helplessness of his situation. Yuta has the radio turned on a trendy hip-hop song making up the soundtrack of his misery.
Suddenly they stop in front of a relatively normal looking house. The lights are all turned off but a car is parked in the driving lot.
“Wait here and don’t act up. After all if the princess wants to keep her lifestyle she needs to accept what the knight in shining armor has to do to sustain it,” he spits out the word princess with such distaste that Haechan flinches back.
“I-I don’t- you don’t need to do anything, please I just want to talk about us”
“No you don’t want to talk about us, because if it went after your plan there wouldn’t be an us anymore,” he says lastly before slamming the car door shut. In his right hand he holds one of the guns.
Inside the house lights turn on and Haechan can hear words being screamed and something smashing on the floor. The whole ordeal is over in less than five minutes and then Yuta leaves the house again, a black bag in his hand and the gun still pointing in the direction of the front door. He throws the bag in the second row and then sits down again in the front seat.
“Now we can go and talk about our relationship and why ‘We are not good for each other’” he effs Haechans high pitched voice.
“What about this here do you think is good!” slowly Haechan starts to lose the little bit left of his composure. It’s laughable that he had wanted to break up in order to ensure his own safety and now he is sitting cuffed by his boyfriend in a car on their way to knows where. Never in his life had he felt more unsafe.
“We are spending time with each other and talking, isn’t that what you’ve complained about?”
Just like this the tears spring back into his eyes. It’s cruel hearing his worries being thrown around so carelessly. He had spent weeks and months pondering over their relationship, at first trying to convince himself it was not that bad, then trying to fix it and when he finally found the courage to stop the mess their relationship had become it all blows up in his face.
He does not know how to proceed from here. He never wants to talk or see Yuta ever again but if the older is ready to pull such a stunt he doubts the other would ever let him go. Who knows maybe his boyfriend is driving him out of town to kill him.
A siren breaks him out of his spiraling thoughts. Behind him the blue and red light of a police car lighten up the night.
“Fucking cops always showing up at the wrong time,” Yuta mumbles and takes a sharp turn to the right trying to shake the following car off but without success. Soon a second one joins in the pursuit, “at least now you’ll get to see what I do for fun”
Haechan does not know if he should be happy that suddenly two police cars are trailing them or afraid. On the one hand he is getting kidnapped by his boyfriend and would like to be safe, on the other hand he is sitting in a car with two guns and drugs. Furthermore he is afraid of Yutas happy grin as he takes another risky turn, running over a red light.
“After everyone keeps betraying me I thought you would be different you know?” he clicks his tongue, “The guy we stopped by? Just a fucker who tried to get away without paying what he owed me. At first I thought I would let the big guys handle it but coming back home to you backstabbing me? After everything I have done for you, that is brutal”
Haechan stays silent as Yuta continues to talk himself into a rage. There was no use in interrupting him once he started. When they had dated Haechan had known about this side of him or at least he had thought he knew the extent of his impulsiveness and possessiveness. In the beginning he was able to calm Yuta down, ensuring him that he would never even look at another person but with his boyfriend being absent he got fewer and fewer chances to discourage such behavior.
Outside of the car the blaring noise of the police sirens continues. Now there is a total of four cars following them in a safe distance. Suddenly his body gets slammed forward as Yuta abruptly pushes down the break, nearly ramming into a police car that approached from the side. The breath is knocked out of his lungs but Yuta seems unaffected. He only stops talking and focuses on maneuvering the old car through three new police cars. There are officers standing outside pointing their guns at them but they don’t shoot just yet for whatever reason. Maybe it’s because they are in the suburbs or because they like the adrenaline the chase gives them. Regardless Yuta drives halfway on the sidewalk to get them out of the situation and continues to speed up.
“Suckers think they can stop me simply by parking the cars in my way,” chuckling Yuta places his hand on Haechans tight just like he would do when they were younger and he was driving Haechan towards their first date.
“They are going to kill us Yuta!” Haechan exclaims desperately wanting his boyfriend to stop. Hasn’t the other seen the guns, the sheer number of cars following them?
“Nah they don’t risk much during car chases because they could hurt civilians in the process. We only need to pass state borders and they won’t bother with coordinating a cross border chase. To much bureaucracy later”
Haechan wonders how Yuta knew that much about car chases. Where did he get his knowledge from?
In the rear mirror he sees a police car slowly coming closer than the rest who let themselves fall back a little further. Yuta notices too and by the way his eyebrows draw together in a frown Haechan can only guess that whatever they are planning is going to be quite unpleasant for them.
And he is proven right. The car approaches from the left side, so close now that Haechan can make out the blemishes on the paint of the car.
“Hold onto something this is going to hurt,” Yuta warns him but to late for Haechan to brace for the impact.
The police car slams into their left side at the height of their tires, making the car lose control on the pavement. They are hurled into a circle, a scream ripping out of Haechans throat as the motion bangs his head against the side of the car.
It hurt but what’s worse is the disorientation. When he gets back to his senses he notices that they are still driving, Yuta apparently not as affected by their collision as Haechan. On the contrary he looks excited, having managed to rotate the car and leaving the police car a few meters behind.
A wave of fresh tears run down his cheeks.
He truly fears for his life now. In his mind there only exist two options; being killed in a car accident caused by their chase or managing to flee and then being killed by Yuta. There is just no way that a sane person would be laughing after sitting in a car that just nearly overturned and continue driving like nothing happened.
Above them a helicopter has joined the scene, as the ten to twelve police cars follow them out of the suburbs onto a highway. There are more cars here, people driving to and from work in the never sleeping city towards their homes.
What would he give to be one of them, living a mundane life, never having decided to follow the hollow promises his boyfriend had given him, painting a bright future far away from a trailer as a home and bruises as a welcome.
However the ecstasy about having avoided an arrest by the police just minutes before soon turns into an ugly surprise. Even Haechan who has no idea about how cars function notices that something is wrong. The curse that leaves Yutas lips only confirms his suspicions. Their left tire is giving them trouble.
“Fuck!” Yuta exclaims and slaps the wheel, his former cocky confidence vanished. They won’t make it to the state border.
“Okay, listen good to what I say now because I rather give you a bullet to the head than let those bastards lay their dirty hands on you,” Yuta squezzes his tight until Hachan sniffs out a quiet yes, “You see the traffic over there? I’m going to make them keep a distance from us and we take the next exit. I will park the car in the curve of the street and we are going to make a run for it. If you try to stay in the car I’ll kill you. If you don’t run I kill you. If you scream so the cops find us I’ll kill you. Do you understand?”
What other choice does Haechan have than to silently nod while the words echo through his head? Running away from the countless police cars following them plus the helicopter shining a light onto their fleeing car sounds like a fever dream. There was no chance they would succeed and rather end with one of them with a bullet to the back. The cops in their city are known to have a trigger happy finger.
But what choice is there for Haechan to make? Could he really challenge Yuta based on the beliefe that the other wouldn’t make his threat a reality? No, in the present scenario he was nothing more but a helpless child trying to go by the speed of adults.
The exit comes closer and like Yuta had promised the police had increased the distance to their car, most likely to keep Yuta from making any dangerous decisions that could endanger the civilians driving next to them.
In one straight line Yuta crosses from the far left lane towards the exit at the right, causing one of the cars to step on the break hard which leads to another car bumping slightly into their back. Through the rear mirror Haechan watches as the stopping cars clog the road and make it difficult for the police to follow them out of the exit.
“Already regretting wanting to leave your talented boyfriend?” Next to him Yuta wears a triumphant smile, though it vanishes as fast as it appeared and leaves behind a stoic expression. Months ago Hacehan would have found the focus and dangerous air around him sexy but right now it only fuels the nausea he feels.
Abruptly Yuta drives the car to the side of the road, so far that the vehicle is partly hidden by the trees that make up the beginning of the forest that borders their city. It also serves to hide them from the helicopter which is still flying over them, showing the police on the ground where their targets are.
The car comes to a stop.
Haechans entire body is shaking as Yuta opens the door and drags him outside by the hair. On the other hand he holds the black duffle bag, the gun slipped into his belt.
He is not even given a second to reorient himself through the tears that are still streaming down his face because Yuta readjusts his grip to hold onto his arm and then they are already running.
Branches slap against his face and multiple times Yuta has to hold him up so he does not trip on the uneven forest floor. Behind them he can hear voices, screams for them to stop, or at least he thinks that’s what they are saying, the blood rushing through his ears preventing him from actually understanding something.
However what gets through the fog of panic in his mind is the bark of a dog.
Yuta must have heard it to because the other releases a string of curses before pushing Haechan away from him. Painfully hard he lands on the floor, his still handcuffed hands unable to stop the fall.
“Fuck you, this is your fault!” Yuta screams at him.
“May the dogs feast on you,” are the last words before his ex-boyfriend vanishes between the thicket, leaving Haechan to the mercy of the police and the barking of dogs that get louder by each second.
Suddenly Haechans primal instinct kicks in and he shakily stands up and starts running away from the loud noise. It makes no sense to continue the chase, he did nothing wrong, on the contrary he is a victim but tonight nothing is certain and Haechan is afraid and confused. So he runs as the branches leave their scratch marks on his skin and the salt of his tears make his lips taste salty.
“Stop right now! We have a K9 with us and they will attack you if you don’t stop now!”
“Get on the ground!”
“Get him Boxer!”
The loud voice of a man cuts through his mind like a knife through butter but his legs don’t stop running.
Barking gets louder as well as the heavy steps of boots.
“Boxer beiß!”
Pain erupts in his left arm as a weight suddenly clamps down on it and makes him fall to the ground.
“Please take it away!”
“Hands up!”
“We want to see your hands!”
“Don’t move!”
“Stay on the ground”
Commands rain down onto his fogy brain, while the dog is still using his arm as a chew toy, sending down spikes of pain into his head.
He can’t concentrate, can’t make sense of what they are telling him.
He can’t raise his hands they are still handcuffed and held down by the beast of a dog.
“Please I-I can’t” he begs with them.
He thinks someone is coming closer but he can’t even say from which direction the sound of footsteps is coming.
“Please I am handcuffed,” he manages to choke out and it comes out more coherent than what he had hoped for.
“Boxer aus!”
“Stay on the ground!”
“Stop moving!”
Whoever has been walking closer to him finally gets the dog off him but the pressure is immediately replaced by hands holding his body down. One person sits on his back, pressing his face into the dirt and another stretches his arms over his head aggravating the bite wound where it drags against the forest floor.
“Good job, Boxer! You are such a good boy!”
Bright flashlights are pointed at his body as voices talk to each other, new hands joining to feel all over his body. Like paralyzed he has no choice but to stay still. Tears are wetting his face and loud sobs are ripped out of his throat.
“We found him handcuffed”
“There is a bruise on his face”
“Don’t move!”
“Is there a possibility that we are dealing with a victim?”
“There has been no report of a second person involved from the initial call”
“Can’t he shut the fuck up?”
“Good job Boxer!”
“For now let’s be on the safe side and handle him like an accomplice”
If he had been in his right mindset maybe he could have understood the side the policeman are coming from. Till a few minutes ago they hadn’t even known that he had been a part of the chase, they don’t know if he has a weapon or is endangering anyone in any way. However his inner self who always believes the best in people, the one part that stops when someone asks him for change because they are short of only a few dollars and helps them out even though he knows it's a scam, just for the tiny possibility that they actually need help, this part dies that night.
Nobody helps him, nobody stops to ask him if he’s okay, nobody even tries to stop the bleeding until they’ve manhandled him to the police car. They are more dragging him than anything else and he hangs between them like a corpse, the pain in his arm and emotional turmoil making him nearly delirious.
He just wants to go home to his parents curl himself under a thick blanket and never talk to anybody again. Though for now he doesn't even know if they will let him go or just put him into a cell with minimal medical care only enough to prevent him from bleeding out.
He doesn’t know what happened to Yuta. At one point a shot had rang through the night but Haechan doesn’t know which side had fired nor if the bullet ever hit his target. Though he can’t find it in himself to care anymore.
After all the wrong decisions he made in his life trusting Yuta might have been the most fatal one.