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Two knocks on the door, one defeated sigh, and zero answer.
Sapnap stands— barely , slumped and fatigued at the front door. His eyes sink and present with a thick layer of exhaustion, moving laggardly as he focuses on placing his keys in the front door. Frustration at not being able to complete the simple task washes over him completely, and he whines in self pity at the suffocation of it all. He runs his tongue under his teeth, relishing in the slight pressure the uneven surface provides. An uneasy breath leaves him, before he attempts to insert the keys once more— successfully . He shuts his eyes in relief.
The door is pushed open by weakened hands, a low white-noise of breeze that he had become so accustomed to throughout the day vanishes cruelly and leaves him in the silence that rules the home. It’s dark and consumingly lonely inside, no sign of Dream, meaning he must be out somewhere. A thump of disappointment hits his chest at Dream’s absence, but he brushes it off with a shaky breath and rolls his skateboard gently to lie underneath the shoe rack. His hat comes off first, and he shakes his head in a failed attempt to tame the curls that stick out sporadically.
With as little effort as possible, he shoves his shoes off with the tips of his feet, and closes his eyes contently at the freedom his toes have from entrapment, wiggling them on the cold hardwood beneath him. Everything feels so heavy and disorientated, simply too much for the softness of his heart in the moment. He flicks the downstairs bathroom light on, and winces at the rude intrusion the brightness brings to his foggy brain, walking himself to the mirror and surveying the damage the day has caused to his face.
Unsurprisingly, he looks completely wrecked. His normal watchful eyes have been layered with exhaustion and annoyance, their signature hazel tone dim and simmered. His cheeks are blotchy and rosy pink with previous excitement and adrenaline. Scrapes and little grazes accumulate on his knees and shins, bruises littered randomly on his skin— all different colors and progression states. He absentmindedly pokes the closest one to him— the one on his arm — and recoils at the pressure, frowning slightly.
The same exhaustion floods his mind again, bubbling up fast. He rubs his eyes with his fists as his head sways with sleep. Walking up the stairs feels like a daunting challenge, but the end solution of sinking into his bed seems a sufficient reward. The bathroom door closes shut gently behind him as he shuffles his way towards the stairs, head dropping tiredly every now and then. He’s suddenly grateful Dream didn’t opt for a horrid modern staircase replacement in the house, because the old banister attached to the wall provides much needed stability as he works his way up.
A breath he didn’t realize was harboring in his throat releases when he reaches the top stair. His body slumps against the wall with a thump, unwilling to move more than he already has. Slowly, his brain melts as he sinks to the floor— knees curled up to his chest with his chin tucked in the curve they form. He itches irritably, seemingly everything around him is suddenly a bother— including his own thoughts. His eyes flutter closed as he wraps his arms around himself, rubbing his fingers slightly on his ankles and humming peacefully at the grounding touch.
“Sap?”
He can’t seem to find the effort to be startled at the sudden voice, the small shock settling once he turns and spots Dream’s auburn curls poking out of the door. The wall he slumped against now identified itself as Dream’s bedroom. A grunt of approval leaves him, but his eyes remain shut.
“Dude…” Dream rasps. “It's one in the morning… I thought you would be staying at Punz’s?”
Sapnap frowns at the mention of his energetic blond friend, who had dragged him to the skatepark today, and basically drained his energy unknowingly. He voices his denial in a small shake of his head, along with another grunt. Bare footsteps patter towards him, and from beneath his eyelids he can see Dream’s shadow kneeling in front of him, a waft of the musky aftershave and obnoxiously minty toothpaste he loves coating Sapnap’s senses.
“Sap, can you open your eyes?” Dream whispers.
His eyes flutter open immediately, blinking rapidly to adjust. The older man squats in front of him in only his underwear, head tilted to the side in an endearing puppy-like manner. He stares at Sapnap blankly, slightly puzzled. He has a large hoodie on too, an old merch design he thinks they scrapped. Sapnap’s heart tugs with a need to crawl inside the spare space and nest a home next to Dream’s heart, to feel safe and protected— always.
“…Are you okay?”
He asks the question so sweetly sincere— Sapnap could sob. His mouth opens to reply to Dream, to say something. He sits there for a second, chapped lips opening and closing stupidly like a fish, before he slumps completely pliant, frustrated, and tears threaten to fall from his eyes.
“Woah— hey, okay Sap. It’s okay, you’re okay.”
Dream sits himself fully on the floor, and pulls Sapnap half into his lap, cradling him. His hands make their way to the younger’s hair and neck, flicking the curls at the base of his head between his fingers and stroking his hair in patterns— a star, and a smiley face. Sapnap’s eyes shut tightly, a refusal to cry in front of Dream seeping into his brain, not wanting to look weak, or worse– disappoint the man. Little mumbles of blurry words make their way from Dream’s mouth to Sapnap’s ears as white noise, but he’s not listening— not really . He occupies himself with savoring the sentimental moment, memorizing every freckle scattered on Dream’s thighs, playing a mental game of connecting the dots. As Dream’s chest rises and falls with life, Sapnap matches his breathing, and makes an attempt to listen for Dream’s heartbeat.
“Do you— I mean, is everything okay now?” Dream mutters.
Sapnap lets the question linger momentarily, thinking on his answer. Realizing that a previous ball of anxiety swirling in his stomach had now dispersed due to Dream’s presence, he doesn’t bother trying to speak this time. Instead he gives him a small nod, mindlessly playing with the stray fabric on the hoodie Dream is wearing.
He’s suddenly moved off of the older man’s lap, a small pitied whine leaving his mouth at the disconnection. He shakes his head no at the loss of comfort, clinging onto Dream’s sleeve, and the man sighs frustratedly. Sapnap removes his grip on the hoodie and winces, slightly cowering in on himself.
“You need to talk to me, Sap, or— just, do something. I’m not a mind reader, y’know?” Dream gently laughs, standing up.
When he looks up to Dream, he’s flooded with guilt. One of the many eye-masks he uses to get to sleep is perched on his tousled hair, and his eyes are droopy, glossed over with whatever little rest he was getting before Sapnap had disturbed him. Concern presents itself in the furrow of Dream’s eyebrows.
“M’ sorry…” He manages to croak, still staring up at Dream.
“He speaks!” Dream laughs, but Sapnap looks away and frowns. “Hey, you know I didn’t mean it like that, I just— I don’t know what to do, Sap”
“S’ fine.” He coughs to clear his throat, and maintain whatever composure he has left.
“Okay, well, I’m gonna...” Dream points awkwardly to his bedroom door, shifting on his feet. Sapnap nods at him, however reluctantly.
He makes his way to his bedroom slowly, taking unnecessary extra steps Sapnap doesn’t pick up on. The door closing shut sounds more like a piercing slam to Sapnap, who curls in on himself once more, re-placing his head in the jut of his knees and pouting— just a little . His head has begun pounding, each hit calling him cruel and bitter names for acting like this. He uses the small sharpness of his fingernails to drag them along his arms, reminding himself he’s alive, no matter how weak he feels.
He sighs, peaceful with the touch he provides himself– mind clearing ever so slightly.
Brightness from Dream’s television screen shines through in flashes of color at the bottom of the bedroom door Sapnap has found himself staring at, and a muffled selection of voices comes through the wall. Sapnap frowns– unsure whether he should bother Dream, and ask to watch whatever he’s watching too— it’s probably some shitty romantic comedy— he thinks, the edge of his lips turning up at his easy assumption.
His back cracks when he stands, using the wall as leverage.
The door is silent when he pushes it open, Dream lays sprawled out on the sheets, the duvet thrown sporadically to the side. His face is covered by the eye mask, and his arm is above his head— he looks adorably relaxed. Sapnap chews on the inside of his cheek, a quiet debate with himself in his mind as to whether he should make a sound. In the end, the television decides for him, sudden music blaring through as the man grunts. He watches in amusement as Dream waves his hand about haphazardly, in an attempt to locate the remote.
After a few moments, Dream shoves the eye-mask off with a frustrated huff and goes to snatch the remote, pausing when he spots Sapnap leant against the doorframe.
“…Nick?”
Sapnap’s snicker of amusement at Dream’s outburst stops, and his smile falters. “Hey,”
“Are you okay?” Dream questions.
“Mhm,” Sapnap hums, pausing. “Can I stay in here, though?” He swallows.
Dream’s face contorts to a puzzled expression, but he sits up and kicks the small bit of duvet off of his feet, getting out of bed. “I mean— yeah sure. Take the bed and I’ll take the—”
“No.” Sapnap interrupts, placing a hesitant hand on Dream’s chest to stop him from leaving the room.
“Okay…?” Dream questions.
“Like, can we— can you cuddle me?” He rushes out, swallowing down the nerves inside of him and clearing his throat. Dream brings his arm up to Sapnap’s hand— still against his chest, and secures his fingers around the bend of the younger’s wrist, rubbing his thumb slightly on the skin there. Goosebumps rise tauntingly on Sapnap’s arm, a firm but annoyingly semi-permanent reminder of the effect Dream truly has on him.
“Yeah,” He whispers delicately. “Yeah we can cuddle, whatever you want, Nick”
Relief washes over Sapnap, the fear of rejection now pushed far down inside of him, simmered. He smiles, and slowly moves his hand from Dream’s chest. “Okay. Thanks.”
“You— Sap… You don’t need to thank me, that’s stupid” Dream laughs softly.
“ You’re stupid” He retorts quietly, making his way to the unfamiliarity of Dream’s bed. It’s ridiculously large now that he stares at it— unlike his own. Three large pillows are propped up against the headboard, and an extra fourth pillow lays flat against the bedsheet, a Dream shaped dent present in the folds. The sheet is a muted blue color— for whatever reason, and the duvet itself is dark gray shade, soft and cotton. He realizes he’s never really paid attention to Dream’s room before, too busy entranced with the man himself. He’s been in here a few times, never stuck around enough to take it in, though. Sapnap surveys it quietly, noticing a small blob plushie laid at the foot of the bed.
The mattress is dangerously comfortable once he finally sits down, an image of lying here for every night onwards and bathing in Dream’s scent flashing in his mind— he almost scoffs at his stupidity.
“Comfy?” Dream smiles awkwardly.
“Mm.” He hums approvingly in response. “Stupid blob plush is starin’ at me though.” He laughs.
Dream is quick to grab the plushie and toss it in his hand for a moment, before launching it through the gap in the open door, silently cheering when it disappears from their line of sight. Sapnap chuckles under his breath, shaking his head fondly at Dream’s endearing behavior.
The older man switches off the light, leaving them encompassed in a dim glow from the television screen. Sapnap doesn’t recognise whatever’s playing— the relaxing feeling of sinking into Dream’s bed sheets floods his mind almost immediately, and he sighs contently. Dream stands awkwardly for a moment and fidgets with his hands, before making his way round to the other side of the bed, and slowly lying down.
“If this is too weird I can leave.” Sapnap mutters.
“No! No Sap it’s fine, really. I just—” He sighs, avoiding eye contact.
“What?”
“… That’s my side of the bed.” He smirks, turning his head back towards Sapnap.
Sapnap’s mouth gapes open, and Dream maintains his serious composure for a second before breaking into fits of giggles, pointing at Sapnap’s struck face.
“You’re such a dick , bro!” Sapnap shouts, laughing simultaneously. He sits up and grabs the nearest pillow, attempting to smack the smugness from Dream as he curls in on himself and shields his face with his arms, protesting Sapnap’s blows. The feigned weakness from the other man doesn’t last long, though, before he grabs his own pillow, switching his position to kneel on the bed and get a few hits in on Sapnap himself— much to the younger’s displeasure .
“Dream! Dream stop— seriously!” He shrieks, shifting about.
“You started this!” Dream reminds him quickly, in the middle of taking a hit.
Their positions have switched fast amidst their play fighting, Sapnap realizes. Dream now lays in the middle of the bed— his hair tousled and cheeks blotchy red. Meanwhile he kneels, the pillow he holds mid-air tilts him slowly, and he quickly pushes himself forwards, face planting in the middle of Dream’s chest, who releases a wounded sound at the action.
“Well…that’s one way to cuddle, I suppose.” Dream chuckles, gripping Sapnap’s shoulders.
He groans from where his head now lies. “Sh’up.”
Dream scoffs, and Sapnap smiles into his chest, lifting his head slowly to take a breath. Peaceful silence settles between them as Sapnap moves himself unwillingly from the comfort of Dream’s chest to the bed, huffing and staring at the ceiling.
“Rough day then?” Dream questions.
Sapnap scoffs. “Yeah, s’pose you could say that. I just— like, I love Luke, but man is he energetic,”
Dream giggles, sighing fondly. “Oh yeah, I remember after I face revealed and first met him. His first question for me was if I had ever skated before.”
“Damn,” Sapnap laughs. “What happened to hi—”
“—how are you?” Dream finishes for him.
Sapnap giggles at him. “I think that maybe,” he pauses. “I was just overwhelmed, I dunno’…” he trails off.
“Mm,” Dream hums. “I get it but, you scared me man…”
Sapnap sighs, running his fingertip up and down the prominent vein embedded in Dream’s hand, watching his breath catch. “I know, I’m sorry man.”
“It’s…uh, it’s fine, I just want you to be happy.” He whispers after a harsh swallow.
The light from the television still illuminates them ever so slightly, yet Dream’s gentle smile shines brightest. He’s relaxed, comfortable against the softness of the bed and his eyes shut slowly at the realization of no response from Sapnap— too engrossed with Dream himself. One of his arms is laid on the pillow, a perfectly carved space open and inviting Sapnap to lie down with him, to bask and soak in whatever cologne the older man decided on today.
He knows Dream was okay with the idea of cuddling, and yet, given the open chance he feels as though it’s forbidden— a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed.
A boundary he really wants to break.
Before the thought can be studied, he shifts himself down to curl into Dream’s open arms, almost certain his brain begins to melt at the instant comfort reigning over him. He swallows a lump in his throat, pulling the arms of his hoodie over his fingers and into his chest, harboring himself in Dream’s embrace. Said man grunts tiredly from behind him before pulling Sapnap in closer by the waist, placing the arm once laid on the pillow into the younger’s hair instead.
“M’ tired,” Dream yawns. “We should sleep.”
Sapnap tugs his lip between his teeth at the feeling of Dream’s hand running through his hair, pulling the tangled strands between his fingertips and scratching the shorter man’s head.
“I’m not a puppy.” He smirks, leaning into the soft touches nonetheless.
“Are you sure?” Dream asks him, once Sapnap makes a small content hum at the hand in his hair.
“The fans call you puppy all the time, Dream. Not me.” He boasts.
“No, they just spam tweet about your thighs.” Dream laughs, and Sapnap blushes against him. “Can you blame them?” The younger jokes.
“Not one bit.” Dream mumbles.
Sapnap smiles, allowing his eyes to shut slowly, and for his head to lay its full weight on Dream’s arm. His foot pokes teasingly at Dream’s leg— now flush against the sole of his worn feet, and he fights the urge to giggle when the man kicks in retaliation. His mind and muscles settle, the exhaustion from the day that had boiled up aggressively cruel now vanished with Dream’s veil of safety.
“…Thanks” he mumbles, quiet and hesitant.
Dream pulls him tighter, resting his chin between Sapnap’s neck and jaw. “S’ okay, pandas.”
Sapnap’s heart warms at the childhood nickname, fallen from chapped lips, which touch the tip of his ear ever so softly. Without thought, he turns himself around in Dream’s arms, shifting them so Dream is flat on his back and the younger can cover him with his body. His leg hooks over Dream’s waist, and the man’s fingertips rub tenderly on the thin slither of exposed skin from Sapnap’s risen hoodie.
“Are you finally comfy now?” Dream laughs gently.
He pouts in response, something not quite right with the situation. “No, I dunno’ what’s wrong…”
“Up.”
“Hm?” Sapnap questions.
“Like, you’re far down. Come lay closer to my chest,” Dream wriggles his fingers between Sapnap’s armpits, dragging him upwards and catching him off guard. “There.”
“Fuckin’— dude . Don’t manhandle me.” He scoffs.
“Don’t be so, mandandable then.”
“Dream,” Sapnap deadpans. “Tha’s not a word.” He yawns.
The man beneath him smirks, shaking his head fondly and running his hand through Sapnap’s hair once more, cooing at the way he nuzzles into his hand slightly. Dream’s eyes stare into his own, as his larger fingers tug the hairs sprawled at the base of his neck. Sapnap’s eyes droop, once filled with exhaustion and anxiety now replaced with a whirlpool of safety, comfort, love. He glances up to Dream, who’s pupils fill in size gradually, almost unnoticeable to anyone but Sapnap himself.
“Dream?”
The man doesn’t respond, much to Sapnap’s dismay. His eyes dance intensely between Sapnap’s features: his freckles, the acne scar on his nose, his lips.
He watches Dream’s throat swallow harshly. “Yeah?”
Sapnap’s words fall from his brain, never meeting their purpose. He stares open mouthed at Dream’s sleep-filled eyes and the clusters of freckles dotted haphazardly on his cheeks, breathing out a harbored breath of uncertainty, before leaning forwards and placing a dry kiss to the tip of Dream’s nose.
“… Sap?”
“I’m sorry.” He rushes out. “I’m sorry dude. I didn’t mean—”
His words cut short unexpectedly, as Dream’s lips meet his own in a rough crash of lips. For a night so soft, a sudden intense air drastically fills his lungs at the foreign feeling. His eyes widen, before Dream emits a noise of protest at his stillness, and he belatedly realizes he should be kissing him back. His muscles untense easily under dream’s familiar touch of a hand on his cheek, and his eyes flutter closed, tilting his head in a small motion to match Dream’s eager movements. Together, they stay in the kiss for what feels like hours, their lips—once chapped, now covered in a shared wetness.
Their noses bump awkwardly, and Dream smiles, giggling into the kiss before reluctantly pulling back, separating their lips.
“…Are you okay?” Sapnap rasps.
“Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“Well, I guess that was weird, right?”
“…Was it?’ Dream whispers, a hand still curved against Sapnap’s cheek.
His brows crease together, before he thinks back to the endless times that same intense air had lingered around them before. Their first hug, his body tightly held in Dream’s arms until the light outside had gone dim and the only warmth he felt was Dream’s own body heat. The first time he slept in Dream’s room— by accident — and woke up to a blanket laid gently over him along with the removal of his hat, no order to leave the bed or to get out. When they had a rare snowfall, and Dream had thrown a snowball at him so harshly the older man was sure he hurt him, only to have one thrown back with twice the force. Or more recently, his phone dying whilst on his flight back home from Karl’s, and to return bombarded in hugs and tiny forehead kisses when he opened the front door, a sporadic and worried Dream with a lot of questions about his safety but most importantly, a sigh of relief he got home in once piece— despite being a grown adult.
Realistically, this is them. They can hug or cuddle, they can share small moments of too-long looks and they can link pinky fingers watching shitty romance movies and eating greasy food, they can laugh at the fans who speculate, and they can share bad days, sick days, and days like these together, because they would never classify it as weird, so why would this be different territory?
Sapnap realizes that they fell into this not-so platonic dynamic all too easily, and that in the end, nothing really needs to change.
“No,” He answers, and he’s sure this time . “No, it’s not weird, Dream.”
Dream smiles small, but with all the answers and completion Sapnap could need. “Good.”
He snuggles closer and links his legs between Dream’s, a small hope of waking up still connected in the morning.
They do.