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Loki feels as if he has never been this selfish before.
No matter how many times he had gone back in time, no matter how many times he had tried to set things right—he always failed. He had watched the Temporal Loom disintegrate millions of times, he had spent centuries mastering his plan to save everything—everyone. And he was tired. God , he was tired. Every time something went wrong, and every time he was forced to timeslip to try again, he felt like he was increasingly losing his sanity.
So now he watched as the windows crumbled under the radiation and the light overpowered his vision. He knew he had to try again, go back to a time before the explosion, and try to get Timely down there quicker. However, when he opened his eyes it was not the chaotic branches that clouded his vision, but rather calming blue eyes staring right back at him with a slight happy squint to them. Mobius looked down with a smile towards his plate and took another spoonful of key lime pie.
So yeah, Loki was being selfish.
“I particularly enjoy how we’ve made the automat kind of our meeting spot.” Mobius pointed around the room with the same spoon that was in his mouth seconds prior. Loki sighed.
“Mobius, I—” He readjusted himself on the chair, uncomfortable. For some reason, tiredness carries on from time to time, body to body.
“Is everything OK? Talk to me.”
And that’s the thing, maybe. He hasn’t actually talked to anyone in decades, maybe even centuries. Even in regards to the lifespan of a God, he was still struggling to come to terms with the fact that all his interactions for the past—what, 400, 500 years?—consisted of him telling people what to do, no explanations, just waiting for the Throughput Multiplier to be successfully plugged in. That has not happened yet.
“I’ve seen it all,” he begins, staring over Mobius’ shoulder. There is a confused tilt to Mobius’ head. “I have seen. It. All.”
“I am. Not. Following.” Mobius’ mocking makes him smile. He will get back to him, some timeline, some universe.
“Can I be completely honest?” Loki finally looks at Mobius. He nods. “I don’t mean to freak you out, but I don’t think I’ll ever get the chance to tell you this. Not if things go right. There is just no time, and I– I have to let you know. At least once.”
Mobius straightens in his seat, a confused frown on his face.
“I am trying to make things right. I– I am trying. I promise. It’s just– there is so much I have to do. And everything keeps going wrong. And I don’t know what to do—”
“Loki, hey, hey, shh– It’s ok, it’s ok,” Mobius says reaching his hand over the table and putting it on top of Loki’s trembling ones. “Take a deep breath.”
Loki swallows the lump in his throat— he’s not about to cry, is he? He breathes in, and out. In, and out. Closes his eyes. Feels Mobius squeezing his hand before removing it. Cold .
“That’s great. Now, what is wrong?”
One last deep breath. “The timelines– they are all in great danger. I have seen the Loom exploding, all of you sent back to your lives on the Timeline. I– I started to timeslip. Again. I couldn’t control it– Kept going back and forth like I did before. I managed to get all of us back together, so I could go back to before the Loom exploded– Try something else.”
“Us… In the Sacred Timeline?”
“ Yes . You– You didn’t know me.” He looks down to his lap. “But it didn’t matter– If only I managed to get back and set things right… But everything vanished.” He looks back up, meeting Mobius’ lost eyes. “All of you. Gone. And only then I managed to go back to the time I wanted. So I did. I went back before the Loom explosion. Did things differently. Didn’t work. So again. And it didn’t work either. And again, and again, and again– Gods, I don’t know how long it’s been. I’ve spent decades studying to understand O.B.’s work. To make things more efficient. I haven’t lost focus– But…”
“Loki…”
“I’ve watched you die. All of you. Dead. You. Vanishing in front of my eyes. I feel powerless. It—It hurts.”
“Am I…?”
“Yes. I am sorry.”
Mobius sits back. “Oh, dear. One doesn’t like hearing how he’s going to die.”
“I know. I know. I’m trying.”
A beat. “You are being too harsh on yourself.”
“I am not! I am not being harsh enough. If I were, I wouldn’t be here.” Mobius tilts his head. “I miss you. I– I miss talking to you. I remember when we would come here, talk about nonsense. I remember a time before that. When you first gave me a chance. I don’t know why you did it. But you saw something in me. And I felt safe. Like I could let my guard down. You were my friend. And I keep watching you die.”
“You are my friend, Loki. And you are trying to save us, which you will. I trust you.”
Loki smiles. A tear rolls down his eye. “I trust you. For the first time. I– I don’t know where or what or who I’d be without you.” Mobius feels himself smiling too. “But I fear– I fear there is no way for me to win this. Even if I save you—save all of you. Even then. I will lose.”
“But are you willing to?”
“Yes.”
“Then you are the most selfless person I know.”
The tears are getting even more prominent. A sob is threatening to make it past his mouth. And he cries.
His vision is so cloudy that he realizes Mobius gets up only when he hears the chair screech as it moves abruptly across the floor. He is turned around, and he barely catches Mobius crouching down in front of him.
Mobius delicately grabs his hands that were frantically wiping his face and moves them aside, replacing them with his own. “Who would’ve thought the magnificent Loki would even think to spare some tears for a good ol’ Analyst and his pals.” At Loki’s distressed face, he sweetly smiles. “You are doing great. Your mother– She would be proud.”
“I love you,” he gasps out. If Mobius hadn’t been as close, he wouldn’t have heard.
“I know. I know, sweetheart. And I love you, too—more. More than you could ever know. And you are doing great.” He rests his forehead on Loki’s. “If I don’t—,” his voice trembled, “If I don’t remember this, please. Know that I love you. And tell me again.”
“I will. I promise. I will save us all. For you,” he whispered, eyes closed. When he opened them back, nothing but threads of collapsing time occupied his vision. He blinked, and now he was graced with the furious Temporal Loom. Looking to his right, Mobius sported a concerned look on his face.
He will try. For them.