Chapter Text
When did it all start?
That was just one of many questions driving Tsukasa Tenma insane. Entirely, utterly insane.
When sitting next to each other evolved into arms thrown around shoulders, when simple jokes started centering around romance, when hugs were offered where they weren’t before- when did that start?
Obviously, he doesn’t remember.
He doesn’t recall when he started thinking about it, either. He’s fixated on water boiling over a stove he should have shut off long ago- but who’s he to stop it? For what is perhaps the first time in his life, he can’t tackle this problem. The dial’s broken, his hand’s frozen, he can’t move- every time he thinks, he gets further and further away from an answer. He’s swimming against the current. It’s only inevitable he’ll drown.
A lifetime of being oblivious to everything is of no help when you are clutching onto the last of your sanity. He determines two cases.
The first case- it’s all in his head. He doesn’t trust himself enough to be sure of the reality unfolding before him. Rui’s always been like this, surely. He’s always been so kind, so patient, always looking out for his troupe leader. Those moments have been around since forever, and he’s simply misremembering. This is just how his eccentric friend expresses his appreciation to him. To back away would be to reject his polite gestures, and he could never be so rude to Rui. After all, he owes him so much- he can’t imagine what things would be like if he had any other director on any other stage. And while he is certainly indebted to the rest of Wonderlands x Showtime, it’s not the same.
The second- he’s an utter moron and Rui obviously loves him. What else could those gestures of affection mean? Are friends supposed to seek out as much contact as possible? Do friends joke about dating each other? Of course they do- the more he thinks about it, the more he wants to drag himself over to the first case and be laid to rest on that hill. But a feeling in his gut is telling him it’s something else. There’s no logical reason for Rui to throw his arm around his shoulder and embrace him at every opportunity. But Rui’s always up to something- wouldn’t it be wonderfully in-character for him to reveal that it was all some test? “Well, as your director, it’s my job to help you reach your full potential,” he can almost hear Rui say, his soft voice practically engraved into his brain matter. Oh, how he wishes Rui would just tell him already.
Perhaps he should get a second opinion. Getting another perspective could only help him further understand the mystery of his director’s character. He’s analyzing him, trying to determine his motivations. Why is he doing the things he does?
His list of people to interview is blank. Every idea ends up thrown in a mental garbage can that’s probably overflowing by now. Even with its industrial capacity, he simply isn’t supposed to chip away at a problem for this long- when will he have his moment of realization? He runs towards it, but it’s fleeing- or perhaps he’s not running at all.
First, Nene Kusanagi. She is Rui’s childhood best friend, after all. And she would surely have wisdom on Rui’s feelings. However, how would he approach the topic?
Option A: “Nene, I think Rui’s in love with me!”
Pros: Straightforward, concise. Plays to his strengths.
Cons: Nene will most certainly look at him weirdly, as she often does. And in moments where he’s that vulnerable, that look will probably be enough to send him off the edge like a coin in a coin donation funnel, spinning in a spiral on its edge before vanishing into the void.
Cons, 2: What happens after that? What if he’s dead wrong, and Nene won’t look at him the same after? What if he’s just too self-absorbed? That would certainly damage his image.
Cons, 3: What if Nene tells Rui afterwards? After all, they are close friends. He wouldn’t blame her. Then his relationship with Rui is done for. If he were wrong, Rui’d probably laugh it off for his sake, but feel disgusted. Whether or not he shows it, he’d know Rui would view him differently, and that concept haunts him.
Option B: “Nene, has Rui ever had a crush on anyone?”
Pros: Gives a great opportunity to gain intel on what Rui’s like when he’s crushing on someone. Serves as a foundation for further investigation.
Cons: It will be painfully obvious why he’s asking. Tsukasa is a damn good actor, but Nene’s far from dumb. Whatever lie he tells won’t be enough to distract from the fact that there is a clear reason why he feels the need to ask. He hasn’t displayed any interest in this beforehand, so it’d set off some warning bells.
Option C: Say nothing.
Pros: No risk!
Cons: No reward.
After careful deliberation, and lots of reprimanding himself, he decides that Option C is for the best.
Next on his list: Emu Otori. The other member of Wonderlands x Showtime he could consult. She’s got a knack for figuring out emotions- surely she’s solved the case three times over while he’s aimlessly stumbled around the evidence. Maybe so quickly that she’d already accepted it as a fact of life, which would explain why she hasn’t brought anything up. Or maybe nothing’s happening. What is his best approach?
Option A: “Emu, how do you know if someone has a crush on you?”
Pros: A bit more subtle.
Cons: He can already see himself delivering his line awkwardly, no matter how much he rehearses it. Secondly, Emu’s talent for deciphering feelings will likely activate in that moment, allowing her to see through whatever misdirection he’s constructed. It’ll be far too obvious Rui’s been the one prompting him to question that fact.
Option B: Wait for her to mention something offhandedly.
Pros: No direct confrontation.
Cons: He’s been waiting. Time passes weirdly, and his memory is warped like a plastic keychain writhing in an oven before shrinking. No way of determining if she’s yet to mention something or if there’s nothing at all.
Once more, in an increasingly strange choice, he opts for option B. Maybe he’ll reevaluate later.
Name after name is crossed off the checklist in his brain. When did he become such a coward?