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Chapter Text

When did it all start?

That was just one of many questions driving Tsukasa Tenma insane. Entirely, utterly insane.
When sitting next to each other evolved into arms thrown around shoulders, when simple jokes started centering around romance, when hugs were offered where they weren’t before- when did that start? 

Obviously, he doesn’t remember. 

He doesn’t recall when he started thinking about it, either. He’s fixated on water boiling over a stove he should have shut off long ago- but who’s he to stop it? For what is perhaps the first time in his life, he can’t tackle this problem. The dial’s broken, his hand’s frozen, he can’t move- every time he thinks, he gets further and further away from an answer. He’s swimming against the current. It’s only inevitable he’ll drown.

A lifetime of being oblivious to everything is of no help when you are clutching onto the last of your sanity. He determines two cases.

The first case- it’s all in his head. He doesn’t trust himself enough to be sure of the reality unfolding before him. Rui’s always been like this, surely. He’s always been so kind, so patient, always looking out for his troupe leader. Those moments have been around since forever, and he’s simply misremembering. This is just how his eccentric friend expresses his appreciation to him. To back away would be to reject his polite gestures, and he could never be so rude to Rui. After all, he owes him so much- he can’t imagine what things would be like if he had any other director on any other stage. And while he is certainly indebted to the rest of Wonderlands x Showtime, it’s not the same. 

The second- he’s an utter moron and Rui obviously loves him. What else could those gestures of affection mean? Are friends supposed to seek out as much contact as possible? Do friends joke about dating each other? Of course they do- the more he thinks about it, the more he wants to drag himself over to the first case and be laid to rest on that hill. But a feeling in his gut is telling him it’s something else. There’s no logical reason for Rui to throw his arm around his shoulder and embrace him at every opportunity. But Rui’s always up to something- wouldn’t it be wonderfully in-character for him to reveal that it was all some test? “Well, as your director, it’s my job to help you reach your full potential,”  he can almost hear Rui say, his soft voice practically engraved into his brain matter. Oh, how he wishes Rui would just tell him already. 

Perhaps he should get a second opinion. Getting another perspective could only help him further understand the mystery of his director’s character. He’s analyzing him, trying to determine his motivations. Why is he doing the things he does? 

His list of people to interview is blank. Every idea ends up thrown in a mental garbage can that’s probably overflowing by now. Even with its industrial capacity, he simply isn’t supposed to chip away at a problem for this long- when will he have his moment of realization? He runs towards it, but it’s fleeing- or perhaps he’s not running at all.

First, Nene Kusanagi. She is Rui’s childhood best friend, after all. And she would surely have wisdom on Rui’s feelings. However, how would he approach the topic? 

Option A: “Nene, I think Rui’s in love with me!”

Pros: Straightforward, concise. Plays to his strengths. 

Cons: Nene will most certainly look at him weirdly, as she often does. And in moments where he’s that vulnerable, that look will probably be enough to send him off the edge like a coin in a coin donation funnel, spinning in a spiral on its edge before vanishing into the void. 

Cons, 2: What happens after that? What if he’s dead wrong, and Nene won’t look at him the same after? What if he’s just too self-absorbed? That would certainly damage his image.

Cons, 3: What if Nene tells Rui afterwards? After all, they are close friends. He wouldn’t blame her. Then his relationship with Rui is done for. If he were wrong, Rui’d probably laugh it off for his sake, but feel disgusted. Whether or not he shows it, he’d know Rui would view him differently, and that concept haunts him.

Option B: “Nene, has Rui ever had a crush on anyone?”
Pros: Gives a great opportunity to gain intel on what Rui’s like when he’s crushing on someone. Serves as a foundation for further investigation.

Cons: It will be painfully obvious why he’s asking. Tsukasa is a damn good actor, but Nene’s far from dumb. Whatever lie he tells won’t be enough to distract from the fact that there is a clear reason why he feels the need to ask. He hasn’t displayed any interest in this beforehand, so it’d set off some warning bells. 

Option C: Say nothing.

Pros: No risk! 

Cons: No reward. 

After careful deliberation, and lots of reprimanding himself, he decides that Option C is for the best. 

Next on his list: Emu Otori. The other member of Wonderlands x Showtime he could consult. She’s got a knack for figuring out emotions- surely she’s solved the case three times over while he’s aimlessly stumbled around the evidence. Maybe so quickly that she’d already accepted it as a fact of life, which would explain why she hasn’t brought anything up. Or maybe nothing’s happening. What is his best approach?

Option A: “Emu, how do you know if someone has a crush on you?”

Pros: A bit more subtle.

Cons: He can already see himself delivering his line awkwardly, no matter how much he rehearses it. Secondly, Emu’s talent for deciphering feelings will likely activate in that moment, allowing her to see through whatever misdirection he’s constructed. It’ll be far too obvious Rui’s been the one prompting him to question that fact. 

Option B: Wait for her to mention something offhandedly.

Pros: No direct confrontation.

Cons: He’s been waiting. Time passes weirdly, and his memory is warped like a plastic keychain writhing in an oven before shrinking. No way of determining if she’s yet to mention something or if there’s nothing at all.

Once more, in an increasingly strange choice, he opts for option B. Maybe he’ll reevaluate later. 

Name after name is crossed off the checklist in his brain. When did he become such a coward? 

Chapter Text

Rui Kamishiro lays on the hard floor of his room after another successful practice. God, why’d he do that?

 He can’t help but be ashamed of himself for every single interaction he’s fumbled. One slip-up after the other, he can’t help but ruin things for himself. It’s times like these where he’s tempted to lock the door to his room, hammer the key flat, and never return to the outside world. Obviously, he can’t, but he’s embarrassed enough to dream about it. 

 He has a tendency to say things he regrets right after, and the same goes for his actions. His subconscious runs wild and untamed, though he wishes he could strangle the wild creature with his own two hands and apologize to his friends who have to put up with the nonsense it spews. He’s grown to accept himself for his flaws, sure, but it’s hard to like everything you do and say. 

 And his impulsive actions have only grown worse. A gradual decay of control, almost, as he spends more and more time with Tsukasa Tenma. Now, obviously, as the director of Wonderlands x Showtime, he spends lots of his time with him. Before he knows it, he’s leaning in closer to the other boy, acting on autopilot. Making jokes that he regrets the second he says that, the implications unknown by his conscious as his subconscious manages to pull another one of its cruel tricks on him. What a fool he is.

He has no clue when he fell for him, but he fell hard, apparently. He wouldn’t know. He’s busy reassuring himself that he’s just grateful to have friends he can be serious around. Nevermind how he doesn’t act nearly the same way around Emu and Nene- that’s just a coincidence. Besides, it’s a little unfair to expect Rui to be capable of distinguishing feelings like this when he lacks any experience. He’s not used to being this helpless. 

With a sigh, he sits up. He can’t mope forever. There’s work to be done, and there’s no easier way of approaching your stress and regret than by throwing yourself into your work as a way of compensating for how you unintentionally make things worse. 

It goes without saying that there are healthier ways to approach stress.

As the clock strikes 11:00 PM, Rui fights the urge to sleep. An idea has struck- a flash of brilliance, all too common for the genius. His exhausted brain is running on next to nothing. However, he’s forced to take a break. Even he’s aware that it isn’t the brightest idea to handle flames while falling asleep every blink. He reluctantly throws in the towel, and he’s grounded back into reality. As he lazily brushes his teeth, his mind begins thinking. Of course, it’s very far from rational. Not only is it late at night, at an hour where nobody can really trust themselves to think straight, he’s on the verge of collapsing. He blinks and falls into a strange bubble in time where too many thoughts pass in a moment, and all of them orbit around Tsukasa. 

He can’t help but flinch again at the memory of how awkwardly he acted. The shame wells up and all he can do is sigh- Tsukasa doesn’t deserve to deal with his nonsense. Alas, he can’t engineer his way out of this one. While hitting Tsukasa repeatedly with a hammer may solve his problem, it’s certainly not a viable solution. He has to consider feelings, a mountainous task for Wonderlands x Showtime’s alchemist. If he perhaps had the courage to speak, his problem would be solved. But it’s just too easy to talk himself down.

Like the rest of his troupe, thinking about the future is bittersweet for Rui. He already has good reason to keep himself in the present, and Tsukasa is just another reason for that. Because he can’t help but ponder what would happen if he would just spit it out.

To Rui, there are only a few ways it could go. 

First- Tsukasa reciprocates his feelings. Actually, he doesn’t want to think about that one. Because it’s terrifying. 

Second- Tsukasa rejects him. He can envision what follows vividly- it’s a straightforward, black and white outcome.

Things won’t be the same after, and the thought of throwing away his future with Wonderlands x Showtime because he was selfish enough to succumb to his sappy feelings sickens him. He hates himself for even thinking of the idea, sometimes. A move like this risks losing everyone. Is Tsukasa nice enough that he probably wouldn’t hate him for it? Yes. Rui knows that. But Tsukasa will know. It doesn’t matter if he refrains from verbalizing his judgements- Rui will know he’s making them, and it will fundamentally damage their friendship. Shows will never go the same, nothing will go back to normal. Inevitably, everything falls apart, and now he’s lost a true friendship. 

Returning to the first case, the events that would occur after it are terrifying. Looking into the future is unpleasant. Rui doubts he could maintain a relationship like that for long- they’d be fated to break up, so why bother? It’s a selfish pipe dream that he’s idealized for far too long, and he resents himself for it. When they break up, when Tsukasa inevitably realizes Rui’s too much of a handful to tolerate for long, they’ll part ways and be haunted by the awkward memories, thus leading to a fundamental change in their friendship. Refer back to the second outcome. 

Therein lies Rui’s dilemma- he won’t get what he wants. He’s not exactly sure of what he wants, yes, but he doesn’t want to get with Tsukasa only to realize they were better off as friends. That sort of realization would irrefutably crush him. It may suit him better to marinate in his miserable feelings until they go away on their own or, by some divine intervention, Tsukasa says something first. He’ll wait. He’ll wait for Tsukasa for as long as he needs to. It would be so wondrously fitting for him to say something first, after all. He couldn’t ruin that. Now, it’s not like Tsukasa would ever fall for him- he’s a walking mess, and he’ll probably get sick of his antics eventually. But he’ll continue on giving everything he can to him without slipping up and revealing the true nature of his feelings.

He blinks himself awake. A single moment has passed, the minty taste of toothpaste still on his tongue. Just how long has he been staring into his reflection?  

Chapter Text

A day full of joy and dread awaited Tsukasa and Rui. It all started with some texts, as many of their conversations do. Rui made an innocent suggestion- he wanted to watch a recording of a musical he acquired with Tsukasa. Obviously, it had to be for the sake of getting ideas for a new show. That was the only reason either of them would let themselves accept. 

Tsukasa had no reason to deny Rui’s request. As a future star, he must put effort into observing the skills of others to better himself. He refuses to admit that he’s nervous about being alone with Rui. He feels stupid. Rui’s his friend- you don’t worry about spending time with friends. Tsukasa’s unaware of what exactly he fears, but it boils down to a handful of things, his subconscious most akin to an emotional stew. He doesn’t want to say something stupid in front of Rui, he doesn’t want to be awkward- he wants to go home afterwards knowing he hasn’t altered their friendship. His wishes are chunky ingredients all connected by the same underlying idea- he just wants things to stay the same. He feels akin to an overly realistic artificial plant. Rui waters him time and time again, but it’s all for nothing, simply because he plans on leaving Rui in the dark forever. Fears of him ruining everything for himself have seeped into his mind, and they’ve absorbed into the folds of his brain. Some twisted part of him almost wants to ruin everything, to scare Rui off, all for the sake of returning to something familiar. 

He takes a deep breath, checking over everything he packed. A notebook lies alongside a handful of miscellaneous writing utensils in the bag, the items taking up a comically small amount of space. What else could he bring? He just needs to take notes on paper, which he rarely does- he simply wants to avoid being unprepared. He glances at a tube of lip balm rolling across his desk, and his mind wanders uncontrolled for a moment. If Rui were to kiss him… 

Tsukasa wants to kick himself at the thought. How utterly ridiculous for him to be thinking something like that about his friend. He feels almost disgusted with himself- what would Rui think if he knew? It feels almost disrespectful to think about someone who’s stood by his side and helped him grow in a way nobody else has like that. There’s no way Rui’d ever kiss him. He hates himself for even considering that as a possibility. 

Yet he picks up the tube and applies some to his lips, just in case. 

Meanwhile, Rui’s in a similar state of panic. Out of anything, why a musical? Why didn’t he invite the rest of the group? What if things get awkward and Tsukasa never speaks to him again? He certainly wouldn’t blame him. He’s hopeless- wanting so badly to spend time with Tsukasa yet lacking the courage to be honest with him. It’s not fair to Tsukasa, he thinks. He’s taking advantage of the fact that he’s willing to put up with his bizarre ideas, of his endless curiosity, for what? So he can fuel his hopeless pining for someone who absolutely shouldn’t like him back? It’s pathetic.

Rui anxiously glances at the clock, both eager to see his friend and terrified of what might happen. He’s practically guaranteed to say something stupid that will change how Tsukasa sees him. To Rui, things are already over. He can already imagine Tsukasa awkwardly laughing at a poorly thought-out remark made by himself followed by an uncomfortable silence. He knows he’ll mess something up. Maybe he should just say his goodbyes to Tsukasa before he shows up, or send an apology in advance.

He scolds himself for worrying so much over Tsukasa. He’s a friend. Friends shouldn’t treat friends like this. If Tsukasa had any idea how much he’s stressing over their approaching encounter, he’d probably feel guilty, and the last thing Rui wants to do is hurt Tsukasa in any way. So, for his sake, he’ll take this crush of his that’s eating away at the atriums and ventricles of his heart. Soon, he’ll go dizzy or struggle to breath or collapse, but until then, it’s his responsibility to hold himself together.

The doorbell rings- the time has come. Rui walks over to the door, trying to quell his racing heart. It’s just a normal hangout between two friends. He just has to survive watching a musical. Surely he can do that. He opens the door, greeting Tsukasa with a smile. Despite his stress, the smile’s not forced in the slightest. For whatever reason he cannot grasp, he simply feels compelled to smile at the thought of speaking with Tsukasa. 

“Hey, Rui! Thank you for inviting me over,” Tsukasa greets, smiling. The sight of him so joyous to be with Rui makes him feel guilty all over again. 

“Of course. Come, I’ve set up a TV for us to watch the musical on in my room.”

Rui gestures for Tsukasa to follow him, and the reality of the situation sets in. They’ll be so close to each other, in the dark, simply watching a movie. There are so many ways he could mess it up, so many opportunities for his impulses to derail their relationship. But what’s done is done. He can’t just change everything last minute- he just has to trust that he’ll be forgiven for whatever stupid decision he’ll inevitably make. 

Tsukasa tries his best to focus on the musical set up on the screen in front of him, and while it’s far from dull, his mind is elsewhere. He can feel Rui’s leg next to his, the slightest bit of contact between them. It’s driving him insane. A part of him desperately wants to feel Rui’s embrace, to hug him, to be close to him. Another part of him wants to get up and run away before he does. Does he speak up? Absolutely not. He doesn’t dare move, either. To move would be to acknowledge that he’s noticed the subtle touch, and to acknowledge that would be to indirectly tell Rui that he is hyper aware of everything that is happening in that moment, and to tell Rui that would basically be an admission of his feelings. What kind of feelings? He’s not entirely sure, though it should be painfully obvious by now.

Alas, Tsukasa’s not the only one guilty of not paying attention. Rui is far too fixated on the way that he unintentionally has ended up too close to Tsukasa. They have their own blankets that they are comfortably settled under, but a few moments ago, he accidentally shifted a bit. But he’s missed his window of opportunity to move back. He’s stuck like this. Moving back would be admitting he was aware of the touch, which would be admitting that he wanted to be close to Tsukasa, which would be an admission of his feelings for him. And he can’t have that happen. He wouldn’t want to give off the wrong impression this early into the hangout. So he sits there, practically boiling. Nobody’s there to bother them, to prompt them to move apart. He’s beginning to regret setting up the screen here- not only would it have been easier to simply sit in the living room, they wouldn’t be so terrifyingly alone. The freedom, the fact that either of them could simply move closer at any point without anyone to stop them, is nearly haunting.

 The cool breeze drifts in through the window, a calm evening sitting separate from the tense room. It’s a bit cold in there, but under the blankets and racing hearts, neither of them can tell.

 It’s silent, save for the sounds of the TV made difficult to hear thanks to the sound of their own heartbeats.

Somewhere in the silence hangs an unspoken yet understood phrase.

 “It’s your move.”

Chapter Text

Time freezes.

Their heartbeats certainly haven’t, though.

Tsukasa is panicking.

Rui’s arm has been ever-so-casually thrown around his shoulder.

—

A glimpse into the bottomless cave composed of treacherously twisting paths, existing in the mind of Tsukasa Tenma:

The paths diverge before him. There are only a few ways for this to go. He could move away, or speak up, or remain in silence.

Moving away would be subtle, but still noticeable. Speaking up would be straightforward. However, both lead to the situation becoming awkward, and the silence is already tense enough. Any more will be suffocating, but even then he won’t be able to escape- that would be unfair to Rui, who so kindly invited him over. In any other case, he wouldn’t struggle so much. He’s always been one to voice his concerns, to wear his heart on his sleeve. Yet here he is, surrounded by an eerie quiet that he's partly responsible for. He paces the cold floor of the cavern, staring down into the cave, where paths branch out for eternity. He can’t see ahead, yet he steps forward into his thoughts. He makes up his mind- he’ll remain in silence, as he has for so long. He’s not done with his adventure, though. He has to figure something out. He can’t just return to the present empty-handed. With a dimly lit torch and a blank map, he ventures forth, taking on the expansive void laying before him. He has to leave understanding himself or Rui just a little bit more.

What problem is he trying to solve, anyway? It’s no big deal if friends want to sit a little closer than usual. All of this is stemming from the rude assumption that Rui actually likes Tsukasa- therefore, he shouldn’t treat it like it’s romantic. What an absurd turn to take. He wouldn’t be so lost if he just gave up on the idea of Rui liking him. What is he thinking? Is he out of his mind? He reprimands himself, his words echoing off the walls. If he’s loud enough, maybe he’ll finally remember it, internalize that Rui’s just being friendly. It’s the most plausible explanation, no matter how many strange turns he had to take to get to it. Maybe he finally feels comfortable enough around him to get close. That thought makes him happy- he wants Rui to feel comfortable around him. He takes a deep breath, smiling, and tries to steady his heartbeat. 

He emerges, returning to the surface. It doesn’t feel bad, really, being this close to Rui. 

In a friendly way, of course. The only acceptable way.

—

A glimpse of the river of thoughts currently eroding a canyon in the mind of Rui Kamishiro:

What a fool he is. But Tsukasa’s not moving away, is he? 

But he won’t let himself think any further, attempting to break free of the current’s grasp. It’s futile, and there’s no shoreline for him to be deposited in sight. The static-like noise of water rushing fills his ears- he can’t think of anything else anymore, just the terrifying present he brought upon himself. He’s being dragged through his own mind, all sense of control lost. Dams have burst. Where carefully defined borders of what to think and what not to think now exist floods of thoughts he had refused to let himself think. Rui’s being dragged down twist after twist, the path of water destroying the landscape of his mind as it runs. 

What if he moved closer to Tsukasa?

He desperately needs air, to get out of this train of thought before he drowns. He can’t let himself be thrown around like this. He’s better than that. He won’t just give in and let himself be taken by the stream, right? There’s still hope for him. He’s not going to lay right next to Tsuaksa and dream about him- that would be unfair, to just enjoy his presence without his knowledge, right? He can still resist, put up a fight against the ever strengthening need to let himself think about the future. There’s still a chance he can stay in power over his mind.

There’s not, really. Every second that passes only drives him closer to insanity.

Tsukasa’s right there, and here he is, selfishly enjoying the physical contact that he isn’t even sure Tsukasa wants. What if he hates him? He wouldn’t blame him. Tsukasa’s probably just scared out of his mind and trying to be nice. The river takes a sharp turn, threatening to throw him into the rocky banks surrounding him. 

Tsukasa’s always too nice. 

He can only repay so much of his kindness, whether it’s with his directing or his inventions. 

He’s thrown off a waterfall, plummeting into even rougher waters. The landing stings, and he’s instantly overwhelmed by everything. His mind is operating without him. He’s getting dragged into these new waters, the depth unknowable. It’s freezing cold- this might be what kills him. There’s no warmth, no joy. Here he is, in the territory he swore he’d stop venturing into. 

The future. The terrifying, far too close future. Inevitably, Tsuaksa will realize something’s wrong with him, as he should have a long while ago. He’ll realize the gaping distance between what he gives Rui and what he gets back, and give up on him. It’ll be for the better- their dreams were destined to diverge anyways. He drags himself to the surface, gasping for air. The cruel flow of water seems to stretch on forever, the moon high in the sky, the sun having abandoned him after he was thrown down the waterfall. Rui can’t help but feel like he’s being mocked by his own mind. The current drags him further and further. Where will he end up in a few years? Probably far, far away from Tsukasa, from Emu, from Nene. Any hope of a hand grabbing him is gone- they’ve all taken their own paths. He steals a glance of the surface as he pulls himself up for air, witnessing the cold wind of bittersweet goodbyes rustle the leaves of nearby apple trees. The fruits falls to the ground, doomed to decay. Beds of forget-me-nots lay wilting, while daffodils spring forth from their deaths. They grow in abundance, taunting him with their ironic yellow hue. The banks seem to be adorned in life, yet the river is inhospitable to anything, ripping aquatic vegetation out of its once comforting home. He’s thinking too much, too fast, about things he refused to think about for far too long. Rui’s about to drown- he knows it, he can feel it. There’s not much air left in his lungs, and he can’t bear the sight of the surface any longer. The river may be cold, but it shields him from realizing things he doesn’t want to realize. He’ll let himself drown in it. The weight of the water is simply something he’ll just carry around with him- surely he’ll get used to it. 

—

A sudden warmth blooms on his skin, the water disappearing around him. 

Tsukasa leans in, just a bit closer to Rui.

Rui breathes. 

Chapter Text

All is calm for approximately two minutes before Rui speaks up again.

“I may have forgotten to mention this, Tsukasa, but I also have a recording to the sequel of this musical. Would you like to watch that as well?” 

Okay, first: break down the question. Rui forgot to mention it- why? Was this another scheme? But what does that accomplish? He’ll answer that later. He’s asking nicely, taking into consideration Tsukasa’s feelings, so it would be rude to refuse. After all, he went through all this trouble to set everything up. He can’t exactly say no- or rather, he entirely lacks the strength to do such. What a mess he has become.

“Of course I’ll take you up on that offer!” he declares, his voice just a smidge too loud. But Rui doesn’t flinch at his volume, instead just grinning at him. Clearly, he’s happy about this, a certain twinkle present in his eye. Maybe he just really likes the musical. That’s got to be it, right? He’s just sharing something he cares about with Tsukasa. That’s irrefutably normal. 

But what has Tsukasa gotten himself into? That’s another few hours next to Rui. Can he survive that? For that thought, he internally berates himself once more, staring rather blankly at the screen. He’s awful. That’s not how you treat a friend. You avoid people you hate, and he absolutely does not hate Rui. So why is he so nervous? 

As much as he wishes he could scramble away, there’s something magnetic about the idea of being close to Rui. The two cancel out, opposite forces keeping him trapped on that couch, stuck sitting exactly where he is. 

The blueish hue of the light emitted by the TV paints the dark room a soothing color, separate blankets on each of their laps keeping them warm. Tsukasa wills himself to focus on the musical, focusing on the subtle movements and expressions playing out on the screen. He’s here to analyze famous actors, not his director. For a moment, he relaxes- he’s comfortable, and there’s no silence- just the familiar sound of dialogues and the occasional song. 

Just in the corner of his peripheral lies Rui, serenely smiling. Has he moved closer? Tsukasa can’t tell. His attention is caught by what lies on the screen, a thrilling scene before him. Rui takes an interest in it too, leaning forward. 

And Rui, in all his idiotic brilliance, feigns a yawn- it’s uniquely terrible, strangely off and on-brand for the director. It interrupts the tense action scene,  almost enough to fully shatter Tsukasa’s immersion. Sure, Rui’s no world future star in acting, but Tsukasa’s certain that if he asked anyone, stranger or friend, to yawn on the spot that they could do far better than what Rui did. His arms stretch in the air, and Tsukasa can sense what’s coming next without looking. Because honestly, nobody fakes a yawn like that unless they’re planning to pull quite possibly the most ridiculous trick in the book. If he were just the slightest bit more confident in his ability to understand Rui, had the slightest bit more faith in his deduction that yes, Rui absolutely likes him, then he would speak up and reprimand him for such a cheesy thing. Is that really the treatment that a soon-to-be world famous star deserves? Absolutely not! He demands better!

But Tsukasa doesn’t demand anything better. His heart flutters in his chest as he panics- what does he do now? Surely Rui’s up to something- testing him, maybe? That fake yawn had to be bait. That entire stunt could easily just be something to mess with him, trick him. For what reason, he doesn’t know. But he also doesn’t know why Rui wants to launch him out of a cannon so badly, either.  Or hoist him into the air to practice floating in space. Or fling him into orbit. Or singe his bangs off in an explosion and then run for it. Or watch him jump off of a flying train. Or have him do an entire show underwater. Or try to split him in half as a fun effect. Or have him sing and breathe fire at the same time. Or observe him scramble around to catch Christmas decorations. Or watch him try not to get struck by lightning. Or actually strike him with lightning. Or shower him in fake bugs. Or set off explosives in a swimming pool with him in it. Or dump water and flour and pepper on him.

Perhaps he shouldn’t be going to Rui’s house after all that. And yet he does. He may not fully understand Rui, but he knows that at least a few of the terrifying stunts he’s agreed to were intended to push him forward. At the very least, he trusts that when Rui asks something far-fetched of him, he asks because he trusts Tsukasa to carry it out. And that cycle of the impossibly grand ideas feeding the impossibly determined actor is what brings him back to the Wonder Stage ready to face it all time and time again. 

Rui thinks the unthinkable, and Tsukasa does the undoable. And while Emu and Nene have done their fair share of relatively absurd things while following Rui’s vision, the most demanding roles filled to the brim with outlandish stunts seem to always be Tsukasa’s. This moment feels like yet another grand request from Rui, though it’s entirely wordless. A silent direction, given with context and body language alone. 

As the wonderful friend and world future star he is, Tsukasa humors him. As any friend would do, as any great actor would do for their director. 

And it’s not like Tsukasa minds the warmth of having someone right there leaning against him.

—

When night has long since fallen and the credits roll for a second time, Rui doesn’t ask Tsukasa to stay any longer. He’s already asked so much of Tsukasa, anyways. Maybe far too much. 

After a brief exchange of awkward goodbyes and goodnights and thanks, Rui is finally left alone to stew in his thoughts. 

What is he doing? What is he thinking? Is he out of his mind?

The last question might be the easiest to answer. Yes, he is. He has lost it. He’s been perceived as eccentric for as long as he can remember, but only a deluded madman would have done what he did.

Rehearsal is never going to be the same. Tsukasa probably hates him by now- the second he walked out the door, he probably sighed with relief and vowed to never see Rui again. Nene will inevitably catch wind of it and look at him with such utter disappointment, and Emu will probably do the same. For a so-called genius, he’s such an idiot. He’s ruined everything! He’s probably already on thin ice after giving Tsukasa the most ridiculous stage instructions imaginable, and he’s probably pulled one too many pranks on him. And now this? Tsukasa probably thinks he’s messing with him. God, he hopes that’s all Tsukasa thinks of this. Because Tsukasa’s stuck around after all of the stupid jokes he’s pulled on him. There’s precedent- now all he has to do is pray that Tsukasa thinks nothing of it.

But he wants Tsukasa to think something of it. Badly. Because he has to know if he feels the same way. He wants to know if Tsukasa gets lost staring at him when he works like he gets lost staring at Tsukasa when he acts. He wants to know if Tsukasa thinks they’d make the perfect couple too. He wants to know if Tsukasa thinks about him when he sees couples holding hands in the street like too. He wants to know if Tsukasa contemplates buying him flowers and taking him to date spots too. He wants to know if Tsukasa thinks about what it would be like to proudly tell the world, “This is my boyfriend! He’s amazing and I love him!” like Rui thinks about what it would be like to proudly tell the world all about Tsukasa. Does Tsukasa also smile when he hears his classmates refer to them as a duo? His curiosity is as unrelenting as ever.

But that’s ridiculous. There’s absolutely no way Rui’s as engrained in Tsukasa’s life as Tsukasa is in his. And he’ll die feeling this way, probably. He's got a lot to carry to his grave. 

That death of his is imminent, considering they have school tomorrow.

Chapter Text

By some miracle, there’s no rehearsal today. All Rui has to do is make it through the school day without encountering Tsukasa. Which is impossible, given they usually eat lunch together and see each other in the halls and are quite literally known as a duo to the entire student body.

But he’s done the impossible before! Building machines that can make people fly and generate lightning should be far easier than going a day without running into Tsukasa.

Maybe he could skip school, but it’s too last-minute to call Mizuki and ask for some advice. He could figure it out on his own, but if he misses school today entirely, wouldn’t that draw even more suspicion? That would be an odd coincidence- being perfectly healthy and then disappearing, and it would cause Tsukasa far too much panic. After all, if he led Tsuaksa to believe he were sick, then he’d probably be terrified for Saki. 

All his lies are too flimsy- it seems his only option is to hide in plain sight, and pray Tsukasa asks no questions about yesterday.

But perhaps there’s a more unconventional solution- one available at the press of a button on his phone.

Of course! He can hide in the SEKAI! And maybe ask for some advice, too. He just has to be seen walking around the hallway by Nene or Akito or Toya or someone Tsukasa’d ask about his whereabouts, and then he can vanish! It’s perfect!

The finer details of his plan need to be ironed out, but his main concern is lunchtime. After all, it’s the perfect opportunity to be interrogated by Tsukasa. And students miss lunch all the time for a variety of reasons- it wouldn’t be too hard to fabricate and defend a story about having committee related obligations. And thus, his secret mission begins. 

–

Rui’s plan works- Tsukasa sees him in the hallways, but ultimately, doesn’t approach him. And at lunchtime, the second he’s alone, he hits play on Untitled.

He’s greeted by the usual ruckus and bright colors that give the Wonderland SEKAI its unique charm. It’s a fascinating place, really. Rui often finds himself investigating it, trying to gain a deeper understanding of both Tsukasa’s psyche and how the world formed from it operates. He’s got roughly an hour to kill- that leaves plenty of time to think.

Everywhere he looks, he is reminded of exactly why he likes Tsukasa. Every last thing in this SEKAI could bring a smile to anyone’s face- the singing flowers, the fantastical variety of rides, the sheer wonder encapsulated in the world. It’s odd- to most, the place would be too loud, too troublesome, too strange to want to stay in. But to Rui, it’s the physical representation of Tsukasa’s ability to make anyone smile, and his determination to do as such- it’s beautiful. 

He almost laughs at himself. What is he doing, lurking around in his friend’s subconscious when he’s too scared to approach him? It’s comical. But it’s the only thing he’ll let himself do. Ultimately, he can’t hide from Tsukasa forever. He can’t hide from himself forever. He can’t hide his feelings for Tsukasa and simultaneously keep practicing and directing for him without feeling like a liar. He’s already been a liar for long enough- Tsukasa deserves to know the truth at this point. But when he does, he’ll probably be disgusted. It’s too late for him. Keeping a secret like this for so long is surely unforgivable. 

If he keeps thinking on this alone, he won’t get anywhere. There’s no harm in asking Kaito for some advice- usually, that’s how their entire troupe solves problems. And while Miku usually offers a unique perspective that Kaito can’t, he knows that she’s likely to unintentionally tell someone else. And that terrifies him- to have someone else tell him in his stead. No, it’s his responsibility. He knows that much, though he isn’t too fond of the idea.

As if Kaito could already sense Rui’s internal struggles, he seems to almost appear at his side. Perhaps Rui wasn’t as subtle as he liked- he never shows up to the SEKAI and miserably sits down on a bench in introspective silence.  

“Ah, Kaito. I was just about to go look for you,” Rui starts, managing his usual smile. “Something’s been troubling me lately, and I was hoping to hear your opinion.” He’s not being fully honest- adjusting and tweaking his words subconsciously to downplay just how much he’s terrified. 

How does he approach the subject? Telling Kaito outright that he has feelings for Tsukasa would certainly put both of them in an awkward position- he has to approach this with a certain level of caution, as he usually does with his planned stunts. 

Usually, when he shows up here, the plushies basically communicate for him- they mirror the problem, and it’s so much easier to say. But he feels himself freezing up- why? Why can’t he just spit it out? Why can’t he string the right words together? It’s embarrassing- surely the silence will get awkward.

“If you found out one of your troupe members was hiding something important from you, how would you react?”

It’s not an exact translation of his current situation, but it’s similar. He is hiding something from Tsukasa. Something important, something that could change everything. At least, there’s no way things will stay the same if he speaks up. 

“Well, that depends on both the secret and why they hid it. But I don’t think any of them would- I trust that they trust me to tell me the important things,” Kaito replies after some deliberation. 

“Let’s say they kept the secret because they were scared it would hinder your ability to put on shows.”

“I suppose in that case, I would understand their fear. After all, I want to keep putting on fantastic shows with my troupe. It’s logical to be afraid of losing something like that. But the circumstances you’ve given me are still pretty vague. Would it actually damage the troupe? Or is that just what they think?”

“Ah, you raise a good question.” Rui pauses for a moment, silent. Maybe it’s not as big of a deal as he’s making it out to be. But he quickly dismisses the idea. No, there’s no way Tsukasa would forgive him. He can’t even fathom that. He can’t even forgive himself, so why would Tsukasa of all people, the victim of Rui’s affection, forgive him? “When you say you understand their fear, does that mean you’d forgive them for hiding whatever it is they are?” Rui finally asks, dodging Kaito’s question. 

“Again, it would vary based on the circumstances. That understanding would operate as a basis for forgiveness, but there are scenarios where keeping secrets, even if it’s perceived to be for a good reason, is still ultimately hurtful. What if keeping that secret was weighing them down? Not only would that affect the quality of our shows, it would affect them too. That would make it a separate issue to approach. And keeping a secret in the first place, one that could affect the entire group, already indicates a lack of trust. Even if they are forgiven, it’s likely that there will still be other matters to be settled.”

“I see.” Rui frowns- if he tells Tsukasa now, and he weren’t immediately left in the dust, he’d still have to deal with the consequences of hiding his feelings for so long. With the person that caused them, too. And naturally, Nene and Emu will be roped into the whole thing, which would lead to even more things to sort out. But he’ll have to say something eventually, and sooner is better than later, isn’t it? “Would you be upset with them? The one who kept the secret?”

Rui feels pathetic once more, like a child asking if they’re in trouble. He’s already put Tsukasa through a lot, and maybe this is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. But he has to know- would Tsukasa hate him? 

“No. I don’t think I would be. Because even if they kept a secret, you already established that they were doing it with good intentions, no? And I trust that my troupe members would never hide information with malicious intent. The plushies have had plenty of fights, but they always make up and move forward, don’t they?” 

A short, contemplative silence fills the air. Rui looks to the ground, wearing a soft smile. He’s discrediting all the hardship the group’s already endured, isn’t he? They’ve been together through so much- hell, they’ve survived being stranded on a deserted island, and he’s worrying about everything falling apart over a crush?

“Thank you, Kaito. This has helped me a lot. I’ve got to go back to classes now, but I’ll see you later.”

And with that, Rui returns to the real world, a whole new perspective to consider. 

– 

Even by the time the bell rings, he’s still stuck thinking. There’s obviously a fundamental difference between having feelings for your best friend and getting stranded on a desert island. Both show a person’s true colors- one is through honesty and one is through desperate circumstances. But when the boat crashed and things started going poorly for them, it wasn’t anyone’s fault- nobody willfully toppled their cruiser. It was just an unfortunate byproduct of chance. But confessing his feelings? He would directly be admitting his guilt of hiding too many things. Rui would be entirely to blame if things went downhill for Wonderlands X Showtime in the event of him telling Tsukasa the truth. 

But he feels like he’s a bit closer to determining if it’s worth it. 

– 

Tsukasa, meanwhile, spent a lunch period looking for Rui. While he may lack the courage to ask if Rui is sending him signals, Tsukasa’s a great actor. He could absolutely pretend that everything is normal. But after searching the locations Rui usually was and embarrassing Nene by frantically asking her questions at an absurd volume, he gave up, resorting to praying that Rui wouldn’t be busy during lunch tomorrow. It seems he’s always chasing after Rui- he can’t help but be reminded of the grand show he put on to convince Rui to come back all that time ago. 

After an afternoon of staring blankly at a chalkboard, Tsukasa decides he needs a second opinion. But who can he ask without compromising everything? He’s already ruled out Nene and Emu- while undoubtedly great friends, they’re obligated to tell Rui. Who could give him solid guidance while being able to keep the discussion confidential?

Tsukasa makes his way over to Phoenix Wonderland, going to the Wonder Stage. That way, if anyone asks where he went, he’ll be able to say he rehearsed on his own. After all, a world future star never stops practicing!

And here he is, considering lying about practicing. Maybe this was a stupid idea. Maybe he’s just seeing things that aren’t there, confirmation bias overrunning his brain. But he can’t stew in confusion like this, or it’ll make everything worse. 

Swallowing his doubts, he presses play on Untitled.

– 

There he is, back in the familiar sights and sounds of the Wonderland SEKAI. It’s a nice break from the dull, static-like background noise that’s plagued his entire day. Here, it sounds like joy. It’s comforting. But he has a goal to accomplish. He walks right up next to the stage Kaito and Miku and their troupe usually practice on, once again reminded of the show he put on this very stage for Rui. He brushes off the mild feeling of insanity and looks around to find Kaito. 

It doesn’t take long before Tsukasa loudly asks to talk to Kaito, and he thanks his lucky stars that Miku isn’t accompanying him. She’d probably suggest something extravagant, like putting on a grand show to ask Rui for something… okay, he’s lost it. 

“I have some very important questions to ask!” he says, voice a bit too loud- he’s nervous. He takes a deep breath, which doesn’t really help, and he manages to produce a volume more appropriate for confiding in someone. “I think that…” he hesitates. He can’t blatantly tell Kaito that he thinks Rui has feelings for him! His ego may be rather inflated, but he doesn’t want to come off as the kind of person who thinks everyone is head over heels for him. Sure, he is a brilliant star and deserves to be revered and praised! But to be loved? Something about that just feels different. He’ll debate that internally later. He has to focus, to just say what he wants to say. This shouldn’t be this difficult- he always wears his heart on his sleeve. But he’s struggling. “I think that one of my friends is keeping a secret from me,” he manages, being truthful. While vague, it gets his point across. 

Tsukasa looks to Kaito for some sort of answer, only to see his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. An awkward silence fills the air, as if Kaito knows something he doesn’t. “SO! I am looking for advice!” he shouts in an attempt to bludgeon the tense quiet with the heavy, blunt metal object that is his voice. 

Kaito blinks a bit, chuckling. “Sorry, sorry. Why exactly do you need advice? What is it you’re worried about?” he asks, returning to a more serious expression.

“I’m worried about what happens if my guess is wrong.”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out, right? And even if you’re wrong, you’ll be able to explain why you thought that, which should help resolve future issues like this. You should communicate your feelings clearly.”

Tsukasa thinks for a moment, considering Kaito’s view. Tsukasa would absolutely like to be freed of worries about this occurring again, considering the state navigating it has put him in. He owes it to Rui to be honest with him, doesn’t he? A good leader knows when to draw the line when it comes to hiding their own troubles, and if he doesn’t act soon, things will inevitably get worse. He’s been waiting for this to resolve on its own for too long. Now is the time to speak up.

“Thank you for your wisdom, Kaito!” he shouts once more, finally a bit closer to grasping the situation. With his problems a step closer to being vanquished, he leaves the Wonderland SEKAI with newfound determination, his usual proud grin on his face.

He’s not the only one smiling. The moment Untitled is paused and Tsukasa is gone, Kaito lets out the laughter he held in that entire conversation.

Chapter Text

His fate’s been sealed nicely with a wax stamp, and delivered to his doorstep. With the nicest pen he could find, he had addressed it to himself and put it in his own mailbox and had the audacity to act surprised when he opened it the next day and saw his own doom.

In other words, Rui Kamishiro has royally screwed himself over. 

—

In all of his time working with Wonderlands x Showtime, Rui has never once dreaded rehearsal. Even after he realized his feelings for Tsukasa were romantic and not out of sheer appreciation for his existence, he had managed to act relatively normal. But he finds himself wishing for time to stop, not wanting to go just yet. He can’t shake off the doubt he has, even after consulting Kaito. He’d turn to Nene for help, but he can already hear her exhausted sigh. He could write page after page of half-hearted excuses for why he doesn’t want to confess, but that wouldn’t help. He knows he’s being irrational. He knows he should go tell Tsukasa before he ruins their friendship. But he can’t- simply attempting to phrase the words he wants to say makes him feel dumber than he’s ever felt. And even if he could, then what? Tsukasa probably knows by now. What was Rui thinking? Was he even thinking?

Obviously not- if he were, he wouldn’t have ruined everything. How would they even rehearse, haunted by that knowledge? Would Tsukasa see the way Rui looks at him, and return his gaze with disgust? 

But he’s forced to swallow his doubts and drag himself to practice nonetheless. 

—

Rui wastes no time diving straight into scenes, throwing himself headfirst into his work. It’s not something new- Rui has a tendency to push everyone a bit harder the closer a deadline gets. He manages to find a scrap of normalcy in his directions, distancing himself from reality as he reads lines and sets up his elaborate machines. This is what he’s good at. This is where he belongs. But the air is different- it’s less lively, every joke cracked feeling all too forced. Regardless, Rui pushes forward, determined to make it through to the end. Everything’s become strange, unnerving, uncanny. In spite of that, Rui has committed to keeping things normal, ignoring every contradictory scrap of emotion living in his heart. 

Eventually, the practice comes to a close, called off as early as possible. Rui vanishes as soon as possible, disappearing somewhere into the park, leaving Tsukasa, Nene, and Emu confused. 

“Hey, Rui, wait! What’s-” Nene calls out after him, only for Rui to be long gone. It’s like a magic trick- blink, and he’s vanished into thin air! 

“What’s wrong with Rui?” Emu asks, frowning.

Tsukasa’s brain scrambles for explanations. Sure, he missed Rui at lunch yesterday, but he was probably just hanging out with someone else, or at the library, or something. And even though Rui’s been acting strange the entire day, surely that’s unrelated! But he recalls Kaito’s advice- there’s only one way to find out if his deductions are correct. But he can’t confront Rui when he’s slipped out of sight. What does he do? Should he just… let Rui run, and hope he’ll come back normal? 

No. Tsukasa has to take action. He will find Rui! 

“As the leader of Wonderlands X Showtime, I take it upon myself to return a smile to Rui’s face! I believe I must handle this one by myself, dearest troupe members!” Tsukasa declares, posing dramatically. 

Nene and Emu share a confused look, before returning their focus to Tsukasa. 

“By yourself? We’re a group, you know. Haven’t we established that already?” Nene says, shaking her head in doubt.

“I understand your concern, Nene! However, if my suspicions are correct, I believe this is a matter for me to resolve on my own!” Tsukasa says. His eyes gleam with determination, much like when he’s accepted a tricky role or a particularly risky stunt. There’s no stopping him.

Nene’s eyebrows furrow. “Are you sure? We’re Rui’s friends too. We can help.”

Emu seems to understand, however. She turns to Nene, a sincere look in her eyes. “Nene, maybe we should trust Tsukasa for this one. But!” Emu puts her gaze on Tsukasa, giving him that same serious face. “You have to pinky swear you’ll tell us what’s going on with Rui!” she declares.

“I pinky swear, Emu! Once I get to the bottom of this, I will tell you everything!” Tsukasa promises. He’s grateful that Emu and Nene have offered him their support, but surely it would be awkward to invite them. 

“Fine. But if Rui’s still weird by tomorrow, I’m intervening,” Nene states her terms, gaze certain.

“Understood! I will not let you down! And I guarantee you that there is an explanation for all this, but I’ll tell you later!” 

Tsukasa rushes off into the park, racking his brain for where Rui usually lurks.

“Do you think he and Rui will be okay?” Nene asks, turning to Emu.

“Yeah. I think he’s got this,” Emu affirms with a nod. 

“What a bunch of weirdos.”

—

Rui wanders around Wonderland SEKAI, ambling aimlessly through the fields of singing flowers and bright colored attractions. How much longer can he delay the inevitable? His sense of time may be a bit thrown off by the SEKAI, but surely he can’t spend an eternity there. He’d go insane, partially due to the brightness, and partially due to the fact that it’s all Tsukasa’s mind, Tsukasa’s heart. He got too greedy, moved too close, and just like the sun, Tsukasa has melted his wings of wax. He doesn’t deserve him- not after he’s tainted their friendship with the utter trainwreck of his feelings. Being the director for Wonderlands x Showtime was fun while it lasted, but he just couldn’t resist the thought of being with Tsukasa. He was a fool for thinking it could ever work out. 

He looks miserable compared to the brightness of the SEKAI- eyes fixed on the ground as he rests on the same bench as last time, perching on it with his legs crossed over each other and elbows on his knees. He rests his head on his hands, leaning forward to dejectedly stare out at the circus tent and the fluffy clouds. He isn’t given much time to bask in self-pity, though, as he’s interrupted by none other than Miku.

“Rui! What’s wrong?” she asks, leaning forward to get a better look at him.

“Oh, Miku! It’s nothing, really.”

Miku sees right through the act, shaking her head. “Be honest! I can tell something is bothering you!”

Rui’s hesitation is even more damning. He considers the pros and cons of telling Miku for a moment. Sure, she’d be nice about it. She would probably tell him to confess to Tsukasa- hell, she’d probably start planning a wedding for the two. She’d probably reassure him, and tell him that Tsukasa wouldn’t be mad.

He feels even more stupid. He knows exactly what he should be doing. So why? Why do the words die on his tongue every time? 

“Well, I… I…” he stammers, having no words prepared. Usually, he’s pretty solid at improvising lines, making up things to push the show forward when the wheels have jammed. But he’s brought to a complete stop. This is dumb. He’s dumb. 

“RUI!!” 

Both Rui and Miku whip their heads around to see Tsukasa sprinting towards Rui with a determined glint in his eye, approaching rapidly in an almost terrifying manner. Rui blinks, startled. 

“Tsukasa? What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you! I checked the entire park, and you weren’t anywhere! Nene went home, and told me you weren’t there either! I was going to ask Kaito and the others for help, too!”

A pit forms in Rui’s stomach. Of course Tsukasa’s worrying about him. Emu and Nene probably are, too. And it’s all because he can’t just spit out the words that have been bouncing around his mind for far too long. 

“I’m sorry, Tsukasa,” Rui says quietly, eyes searching to focus on anything other than Tsukasa’s. 

“Nevermind that! We need to talk,” Tsukasa says seriously. “Finish up your conversation, and then meet me at the Wonder Stage! No running, no hiding!”

“Alright,” Rui replies with a nod, watching Tsukasa return to reality. This isn’t how he wanted to go. He’s going to die- Tsukasa is going to be justifiably mad at him, and the guilt is going to eat him alive. This situation that he knew was going to get him eventually got him- he has no right to act like he’s suffering. He could’ve stopped it. But he watched from the sidelines of his own life, knowing he could have interfered. Tsukasa is going to yell at him and ask him to leave Wonderlands x Showtime and then tell him to transfer schools so they never see each other again. And he’ll do it, just to make up for all he’s done.

A confession is being wrenched from him, and he isn’t ready. He always dreamed of doing something really romantic- maybe getting Tsukasa some flowers, with a love letter taped to the vase. Or lighting off fireworks in front of the school or maybe in a quiet field, declaring his love. Something grand, something perfect for Tsukasa. But it’d all be in vain- there’s absolutely no way Tsukasa likes him back. He’d make a fool of himself, and then Tsukasa would feel only pity for him. Even worse, maybe he’d humor him and actually take him on a date or two before realizing how awful of an idea it is. There’s no way Tsukasa actually wants him around anymore. Not after how many times he’s acted stupid. 

“Rui? You should probably go talk to Tsukasa,” Miku says, gently nudging him. 

“I will,” Rui replies with a nod, standing up from the bench slowly. “Thank you for your concern.”

—

Tsukasa stands at the stage, waiting for Rui. The world is ending. 

“RUI! There you are. Thank you for showing up,” Tsukasa says, smiling…? Where’s his anger? Isn’t he going to yell at Rui? Why is he smiling? Maybe he’s just being polite. That’s got to be it.

“Hello, Tsukasa,” Rui says, trying to act normal. Doom is impending- he stands before his executioner. 

“Nene, Emu, and I are worried about you. You were acting really off at practice today. I want to know why.”

His death is going to be slow and painful. He’s going to have to lay out every pathetic thing his heart has reached for, and then Tsukasa will obviously laugh, because he has to be joking. And then he’ll realize he’s serious, and will finally put Rui to rest. 

“I… I admit I’ve been dealing with some personal issues, but there’s no reason for you to involve yourself,” Rui says, trying to sound confident in his own words. He can’t rely on Tsukasa to sort out his problems for him. 

“We’re a troupe! You’re our director! Remember what we all did for Emu when she was hiding her struggles? We helped her! What makes you think we wouldn’t do the same for you?”

Rui lets out a small chuckle. What a fool he is. Overlooking the obvious precedents, ignoring the feelings that have been explicitly stated. He has every reason to be honest- why can’t he? Why can’t he bring himself to do it? What makes his feelings so different? 

He can’t put it into words. He can’t put much into words, usually. He puts his thoughts into machines and effects and contraptions and occasionally scripts. But he doesn’t have that choice here. Tsukasa’s probably sick of waiting for him to gather his courage. Rui half anticipates Tsukasa giving up on him in frustration, which seems like his only way out of this. Maybe if he just stands in silence, he can stay in it forever.

But he has to find words. Whether it’s a confession or an excuse or something, he’s stuck until he speaks. If he says nothing, then Tsukasa will probably be mad at him. Rightfully so, of course, but he still isn’t happy with it. He can only push him so far until he decides that Rui isn’t worth keeping around- Rui’s only so tolerable. 

“I’m scared, Tsukasa,” Rui manages to say, the phrase coming out far more ominous than he intended. Rui’s not lying, of course- he’s terrified. Terrified that Tsukasa will abandon him, terrified that Wonderlands x Showtime will fall apart, terrified that he’ll return to the solitude that he had to pretend to enjoy for so long. Before Tsukasa can give him a more worried and confused look, he speaks once more. “I… I care about you a lot,” Rui continues, brain flailing to gather more coherent sentences, as if frantically scooping up items that have fallen to the floor. 

Tsukasa simply looks at him, a bit taken aback. It’s not often he sees Rui like this, managing to express his feelings without assistance. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was expecting, really. But he doesn’t say a word- he remains quiet, listening.

“I know one day, we’ll eventually part ways. But I hate that idea. I want that day to stay far away for a long time. The idea of losing you is something I can’t stand, Tsukasa.” Internally, Rui criticizes himself- he’s practically stalling for time with how he avoids saying the obvious. He watches Tsukasa as he tries to figure out what Rui means, and he feels guilty. If he could just spit it out, those few words that would express exactly what he’s been wanting to say for too long, then everything would be done and over with. But he’s a coward.

“And I’m sorry for making you and the others worry.” Rui pauses for a moment, trying to figure out what to say next. Where does he go from here? Tsukasa’s just looking at him, waiting for him to finally make his point. He’s being too kind, too patient. 

“Tsukasa, I… you mean a lot to me.” He has to say it. There’s nothing else for him to say. He has to come clean, confess to his crime of hiding something like this. It’s time that he rip off the bandaid that he’s been constantly reapplying in vain. The adhesive’s been weak for far too long, and all he can do is hope that it won’t sting too badly. 

“Tsukasa, I like you.”

Chapter Text

The words hang in the air. There’s no echo, no repeat. 

Tsukasa and Rui simply stare at each other, waiting for something to happen. Birds softly chirp in reaction to the setting sun, which casts a warm light onto the cold stage. It’s as if time has frozen to give the two a moment to take in everything. For now, the future is a far off, foreign place. All that exists is Tsukasa, Rui, and the stage that brought them together. The moment is delicate- any small movement, and it’ll shatter like a plate dropped on the kitchen floor. 

It’s Tsukasa’s turn to scramble for words to fill in the silence. He didn’t let himself prepare for this- every time he thought of the possibility, he scolded himself and shut down the idea. But he doesn’t have a choice. He has to face the reality he swore he’d never have to face. Of course he was right, but boasting about his victory would be wildly inconsiderate. He has to be careful. One wrong move, and Rui will run off just like before. 

He tries to get into character. Right now, Rui needs someone who’s kind and wise and smart and good with words. But he’s acting without a script. He’s not what he needs to be in this moment- that fact will be something he stores and lectures himself on later. What’s the exact thing he can say that will make everything okay? How can he make this moment a good one?

Tsukasa's strategy is flawed- he can’t pretend to be someone else in such an emotional moment! He has to be honest, he has to speak from the heart. In times like this, he usually turns to the constant in his life- theater. But improvising a show would surely confuse Rui- he needs an answer, quick. 

“Rui…” Tsukasa starts, the moment not shattering as expected. It feels fake- as if the songs of birds are about to turn to blaring alarms and the delicate sunset is about to turn into harsh sunlight seeping in through a window. 

But if it’s a dream, he might as well go for it and incorporate all of the scraps of ideas he’s managed to come up with. He steps towards Rui, expression serious. He might ruin everything, but he throws caution to the wind. After all, he trusts Rui to catch him.

“When the attention-craving showman convinced the alchemist to join his troupe, he was sure of something. He was absolutely certain that without the alchemist, he wouldn’t ever manage to put on the shows of his dreams. He put his entire heart into a show to win him back!”

What is he saying? Surely Rui hasn’t thought about that old show for months, if it even still exists in his memory. But his feelings won’t be done justice if they’re expressed any other way. He has to continue. 

“And it paid off! Performance after performance, the alchemist proved the showman right. With every brilliant idea, the alchemist made the showman shine more and more. Nothing made the showman happier than having someone who could constantly push him to do better!”

He’s speaking from the heart. He’s acting without acting. If Rui really does like him, then he owes it to him to be a genuine version of himself- he can’t let Rui like a fake version of him. Now is the time to be open.

“Even when things seemed uncertain, the alchemist was always there, never failing to believe in the showman! Through thick and thin, he had the alchemist by his side. The showman owes the alchemist a million thanks for the unwavering determination he’s demonstrated- without him, the showman would be someone entirely different!”

He doesn’t have time to try to read the expression on Rui’s face. All he can do is cross his fingers that it isn’t a frown. He has to keep going, keep spewing words until his brain has been emptied. 

“But the showman knew he wouldn’t be able to tell the alchemist. He worried and worried and worried- what if the alchemist thought he was too strange, and never wanted to put on another show with him? However, he made up his mind! He had to do something! He had to be honest with the alchemist whom he owed so much! And when the time was right, the showman improvised a performance for him. All he could do was hope that his words and feelings would make sense and resonate with the alchemist.”

Tsukasa finally meets Rui’s gaze, trying to look confident. Obviously, he’s worried- what if that entire performance was just stupid? What if he failed to express himself? It was a dumb idea after all. Rui’s yet to say anything, just blankly staring back at him. Tsukasa silently pleads for him to just say something, anything.

Rui laughs.

Tsukasa looks at him in shock, a pit forming in his stomach instantly. He’s screwed up. He’s used to seeing everyone else laugh at him being serious, but seeing it from Rui hurts. He’s about to yell or cry or do something drastic when Rui wipes his eyes and finally speaks.

“You could’ve just said ‘I like you back’, you know,” he says, smiling softly.

The moment is perfectly imperfect- the sun still sets, the clouds a soft pink that bridge the gap between the remaining blue sky above and the vibrant orange beneath. The stage has never looked more beautiful, the polished wooden floor looking shiny and soft under the sun’s gentle light. 

And there stands Rui, his expression delicate, illuminated perfectly by the sun’s light. The pit in Tsukasa’s stomach fades. He may not know what to do next, but he wouldn’t mind just standing there for a while longer. 

“But I think I like how you did it more, anyways. As always, the showman surprises the alchemist with something wonderful and unique. Nobody else could compare,” Rui adds. “And the alchemist owes the showman just as much. For every bit of determination the alchemist had, the showman had a thousand times more. Whatever the alchemist dreamed was brought to life by the showman, even the most impossible of things. Just like the other, the alchemist knew that without the showman, he could never put on the shows of his dreams.” 

The two are left in silence for a moment, both smiling at each other. 

Tsukasa opens his arms for a hug, and the two embrace under the sunset. 

Even after every slip-up, after every awkward moment, after every irrational moment of worrying, nothing has ever felt more worthwhile to Tsukasa. Even if he doesn’t know where to go from here, or what to say next, he simply has faith that Rui will help, that they’ll approach things together. 

—

The world hasn’t ended. Rui’s still perfectly alive. The sun still shines. And the quiet blanketing the two isn’t tense or sorrowful. At long last, it’s tranquil.

Chapter Text

Unfortunately for Rui, he’s not entirely free from the situation. Because while he has just spoken his feelings aloud, there remains the matter of what to do with them. And it’s not made any easier by the fact Tsukasa seems to like him back, which is still entirely unfathomable. He had anticipated his rejection plenty of times- his apology was still perfectly scripted and memorized in his head. It would be a simple thing, to be rejected. All he would have to do is say that he was sorry, go home, and pray to whatever being he could make himself believe that they would be friends the next day. Would it be good? No. It would be awful. It would be an agonizingly predictable outcome, one that would’ve left him berating himself for knowing better. But at least he had an idea of what to do.

Right now, he has absolutely no clue.

Tsukasa is still hugging him- does he pull away? His heart is pounding, his head is spinning, and he feels like he’s shaking. Whether or not Tsukasa can tell doesn’t matter- he’s all too aware of the moment, every little input overwhelming him. He might just explode on the spot, and he can practically already hear the hissing of a fuse in his ears (which is just the rustling of leaves in the breeze, but he seems to have overlooked that). 

How much time has passed? Maybe less than a minute, maybe half an hour. Both guesses are equally probable- Rui’s sense of time has been warped as if it’s plastic left outside on a scorching summer day. Maybe melting Rui’s ability to figure out what to do is just one of Tsukasa’s strange powers. It’s all his fault- perhaps he’ll just pass off the responsibility of determining what to do next to him. 

And it seems his prayers are answered. Tsukasa slowly steps away from Rui, returning to his position a few feet away from him on the stage, still looking at him. Rui also leaves the responsibility of breaking the silence to Tsukasa. 

“So…” Tsukasa starts awkwardly, clearing his throat. There’s a short pause as he works out what to say next. “It’s getting rather late. Saki’s probably worried about me by now. I’ll see you tomorrow, Rui!” 

And just like that, Tsukasa bolts off towards the exit of Phoenix Wonderland. Rui barely manages to wave goodbye before Tsukasa leaves his field of vision. 

Rui laughs to himself. So this is how ridiculous he looked when he vanished after practice. And as he lingers on the stage, he can’t figure out any other way for this situation to end. He’s usually the one who comes up with plans- forcing Tsukasa to improvise once more would have been unfair to him, even if he would’ve risen to the challenge with just a bit of prompting. Even if the moment ended abruptly, and there were still many questions unanswered, he feels just a bit more inclined to believe that it was all worth it. 

—

Immediately after Tsukasa has made his way out of Phoenix Wonderland, he feels inclined to hit his head against a wall. He scolds Rui for running off, and then does the very same thing. It’s ill-fitting of a star to be so hypocritical. If he were just wiser, just more clever, he would’ve figured out just the thing to say to smoothly transition from their confession to working out what’ll happen next. But instead of facing his problem, confronting the future head-on, he ran. But it’s far too late to sprint back down that dusty path to the Wonder Stage- odds are, Rui’s left. So he continues his walk home, continuing to dwell on his mistakes.

The obvious thing to say next would have been something like “Are we boyfriends now?”, as that was the question he needed answered most urgently. Because despite his glowing personality and dashing looks, he has never had a single person confess their feelings to him. He remembers lamenting that in middle school, only managing to pick himself up by insisting that it would be easier to focus on stardom without worrying about a crush. Never did he think he’d find himself in a situation like this- he’d managed to entirely dismiss the possibility years ago, eventually leading to him forgetting about such things entirely. 

But there’s no time to dwell on his lack of knowledge- he has come up with something to tell Emu and Nene. And while part of him wants to retell the story with every embellishment possible and deliver a grand and magnificent epic of his adventures on Wonder Stage, he can already see Nene throwing up and telling him to be quiet in his mind’s eye. Plus, he should probably ask Rui if it’s okay to tell the others. That would be a much easier conversation to have in person. He curses himself once more for running before trying to calm down and think of a plan. If he wants to get an answer to the others soon, he should probably just text Rui. 

After a while of careful deliberation and nearly walking face-first into a streetlamp, he still has nothing. The question itself is simple- just a “Should we tell Emu and Nene?” would suffice. The issue lies in what to tell them. Because all that really happened was a dramatic, cheesy confession. There’s no relationship announcement, no change in feelings. They got the difficult part done and over with- there had to be some natural progression, right? You confess, and then… 

What happens next? What does he do now? He can’t ask Rui if they’re dating- if he’s wrong, and they aren’t, things would certainly be awkward. 

He has to turn to someone for advice. He mentally lists out the people he knows.

First, Saki and Toya- his family, of course. But he’s the oldest of the three- he has to be the wise one, the one people ask for advice, not the other way around! And if Tsukasa brought his romance troubles to them, they’d absolutely worry too much. There’s no way he could do that to them.

Then, Nene and Emu. But they’d worry too, and they’d get involved! The fate of their group most certainly hangs in a delicate balance- what if this ruins everything? He thinks he wants to date Rui. After all, that’s what happens after people confess and they feel the same, right? Odds are, Nene and Emu would either step in themselves or push him to ask Rui if they’re together, and he can’t risk that. He has to settle this himself!

But he can’t- no matter how much he wants to just handle the situation with the knowledge and skill that people surely expect of him, he has no idea how. 

So he does what any lovestruck fool would do in his situation- having exhausted his options, he searches for an answer online- he stumbles upon a WikiHow article titled “How to Ask Someone Out”. 

And thus begins Tsukasa’s grand scheme to win Rui over with absolute certainty. 

Chapter Text

Step 1: Strike up a conversation

The sun has long set, the room lit only by a nightlight tucked away in an outlet sitting beneath his desk and the blue light of Tsukasa’s computer screen. He’s barely awake- any other day at this hour, he’d be fast asleep. But there’s planning to be done. 

He needs a time and a place- asking Rui out over text would be easier, but it’d lack depth- the last thing he’d want to do is act like he doesn’t care. Tomorrow on the rooftop, where they usually eat lunch, should work- he just has to either cross his fingers and hope that Nene will have a club activity, or maybe Emu will drag her around as she runs around making small talk with every student at Kamiyama. Worst case scenario, he’ll just have to ask him to stay behind for a second to chat. Or maybe he could just ask Rui to stay behind after school, or maybe practice? 

Okay, change of plans. If he were to ask Rui at lunch or after school and something happened, then rehearsal would be awkward and he wouldn’t be able to do nearly as well. But that’s considering Rui will reject him, a possibility he isn’t too fond of. Wait, why would Rui reject him? They already like each other, right? This will be a walk in the park. He just has to find the right setting. 

Okay, maybe he should just ask after rehearsal, to be safe. That way he won’t have to rush anything! Perfect. Time? After rehearsal. Place? The Wonder Stage.settled. He jots that down on a piece of paper he’s decorated with little star stickers Saki had gifted him a while ago. 

Now he has to actually figure out how to strike up a conversation. That’s a piece of cake! Tsukasa’s never been bad at talking to people, and his only struggles with talking to people are when they seem to just not like him. He puts that thought aside for later, refocusing. 

The article mentions looking your best. He already puts plenty of effort into his appearance, so that also is no concern. He’ll just have to get plenty of sleep and… oh, right. Well, no matter! He’ll certainly be fine, right?

Step 2: Ask them if they would like to go on a date

That’s doable. Where would he take Rui, though? In movies, it’s usually a fancy restaurant, but they’re high schoolers. He may have to research a bit further on date spots later, but for now, he just has to go somewhere Rui would like.

Maybe to see a musical… but they’ve already done that. A lot. That’s how he got in this fiasco. But maybe things will be different if they go to a theater! That might make Rui more comfortable. That’ll be the first item on the list.

Tsukasa wracks his brain, picking through every last conversation he can remember having with Rui. Maybe a bookstore? That would be fine. Rui does spend lots of time gathering ideas for plays, after all… there’s one in the nearby shopping mall, so it’s quite a solid option. Plus, there are a few other stores that they could visit. And they could get food, too! That’s option number two.

He’s seen a lot of couples go to theme parks as well. The only one in a reasonable distance is Phoenix Wonderland, but that’s their work. He’s been there with Rui plenty of times. Still, it might not be a bad idea to go together, and make something old something new. It’s a romantic place, right? Though it might not be the best. Whatever. He’ll write it down anyways.

Three options. Okay. The mall sounds like the best option- it’s versatile, and he could spend the most time there. There’s even an arcade that was recently added, if memory serves, that Nene had gone to with Emu a few weeks after their big win as the Wonderhoy Button Mashers. Actually, Nene had been going to arcades with Emu a lot. Maybe that would be a good place to take Rui some day. But he has to focus on the task at hand! All this sidetracking has left the planning sheet looking like a sketch of scrambled eggs- clusters of ideas squished together to make space for more ideas. 

Right. Take Rui to the mall. That’s the date. Now for the phrasing… he’ll work on that in the morning.

Step 3: Let them know there are no hard feelings if they say no

Of course he’ll do that! What sort of star would he be if he were to drag Rui on a date with him? 

And Rui probably wants to go on a date with him, anyways. He’ll ask about the boyfriends thing while they’re together. That might work. 

Plan finalized. The clock in the corner of his screen reads 12:02 AM. 

With a sigh, he goes to sleep. Tomorrow will be great. It has to be.

Chapter Text

Rui’s day passes at its usual, agonizingly slow speed. He feels any will to pay attention disintegrate as he steps foot into his classroom. If the teacher were merciful enough to seat him by the window, he’d stare idly at the courtyard and imagine what sort of people existed down on that other world. Alas, there was no such kindness for him, so he spends his hours staring down at his math notebook. Well, it’s a math notebook about one every ten pages- most of it is a home for all his ideas. 

Of course, now there seems to be consequences for constantly sketching out things for Tsukasa to do. It’s not like there weren’t any before, of course, but now that everything’s been said, he can’t help but panic. 

What exactly were they? 

He had no clue. Does Tsukasa even want to date him? Liking someone is one thing, but… there’s no way. There’s really no way, not a chance in hell. It’d be far easier to believe that show was just a display of sheer platonic affection- Rui finds himself denying all of the things he wants to be true, even after being shown irrefutable evidence to the contrary. All of those words, however silly and improvised they were, were undeniably fresh from Tsukasa’s heart, delivered right to him without delay. 

He still can’t believe he was lucky enough to hear such things. Had Tsukasa forgotten all the things he had done wrong? 

Time after time, show after show, he always seemed to push Tsukasa’s patience to its limits. Hell, his constantly executed ideas were proof of that- Tsukasa’s once sparkling record was now slightly tarnished after being caught up in Rui’s schemes one too many times. 

He’s really being given the chance of a lifetime with Tsukasa. But he doesn’t deserve to accept it. Not one bit.

Rui’s extracted from his train of thought when his pencil lead snaps, prompting him to look down. He had been idly scribbling over a sketch of a new robot for a show, and he flips the page with a sigh. If only his feelings would resolve themselves, and the world would warp to accommodate the kind of reality he’s reaching for. He has no idea what exactly it’s like, defining it only as something that would fix his problems. 

He just has to make it through rehearsal. Again. 

—

Surprisingly, it isn’t nearly as bad as he thinks. A seasoned expert in pretending like there’s no elephant in the room, thanks to years of having to work with classmates who hated his guts, Rui manages to act like nothing at all is wrong during practice. He tries to work out solutions to the issue. Mentally, Rui aimlessly paces in a circle, never getting much closer to a solution. 

He has no idea what to do other than act like everything’s fine. After all, it’s not like he had any relationship experience past having small crushes and then insisting that he will die carrying those feelings, dragging them right to the grave. Now that he thinks about it, he really is dramatic. Maybe too dramatic. All he can do is cross his fingers that Tsukasa will take back what he said, and then they can forget this all happened.

Is that really what he wants, though? Rui knows himself better than that. He knows that if he could alter reality in whatever selfish way he wanted, he and Tsukasa would be dating. And in that reality, he’d be worthy of Tsukasa’s love, too. With that power, he’d guarantee them a future together- if not dating, then at least working on stage together.

Really, he has no clue why he’s denying himself what he wants so badly. No matter how many times he tries to avoid it, he wants nothing more than to be with Tsukasa. Thinking about any future occurrences beyond that is enough to terrify Rui, but the future as a whole is enough to leave Rui panicked. 

He’s only made aware of how concerned he looks as Tsukasa taps him on the shoulder, realizing that he’s been staring blankly at the prop he was supposed to be packing up for the past few minutes. There goes his chance at a day where he doesn’t make a fool of himself in front of Tsukasa- while he wants to believe he doesn’t care for what other people think of him, he can’t help but want to look at least somewhat impressive in front of Tsukasa.

“So, Rui, I’ve been meaning to ask you…” 

Oh, god. He can’t handle this- his heart might explode, which is rather pathetic once he thinks about it. One sentence in and he’s already faint. He manages to maintain some sense of composure on the outside, nodding along, putting on his best normal expression and pose.

Tsukasa seemingly takes no notice, continuing on with his words as if bravely stepping forward- there’s no hesitation, no pause. 

“Are you free this weekend?”

“Let me check,” Rui says, as if he would not move Heaven and Earth to make time for Tsukasa. He scrolls through the barely-used planner. “Yeah, I am.”

Tsukasa anxiously messes with his hair, straightening it out. He puts on his best smile, looking Rui right in the eye. “I, Tsukasa Tenma, hereby invite you to accompany me on a date to the mall! Together, we can go to the new cafe that has opened and explore the various other stores! Please inform me of the date and time best suited to your schedule!” By the time his declaration ends, he still manages to hold eye contact, unflinchingly awaiting a reply. 

That might be the cutest thing Rui’s ever seen. If he weren’t entirely flustered and unsure how to reply, he’d reach down to ruffle Tsukasa’s hair. However, he is entirely flustered and totally freaking out. He’s caught between a laugh and a gasp of surprise- he awkwardly coughs and the silence only becomes more intolerable. 

Eventually, he gets a grip, pushing thoughts of doubt and worry out of his mind for a moment. “I, Rui Kamishiro, accept the gracious invite that you have so kindly offered to me. Sunday afternoon would be most ideal,” he says, mimicking Tsukasa’s speech without even realizing. 

Oh god. Did he just accept a date? With Tsukasa? Does he mean an actual date? Are they dating? What do those words even mean? 

It’s a bit too late to ask any questions, though, because when Rui finally manages to break out of his own thoughts in search of answers, he only catches a glimpse of Tsukasa’s coat in his peripheral vision.

Drat. With the amount of times they’ve sprinted away from each other at remarkable speeds, you’d think colleges would be recruiting them for a track and field team by now. 

Well, Rui will have a perfect opportunity to get all of his questions answered in just a few days. 

Chapter Text

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Look in the mirror just once more. Adjust that stray strand of hair. And that one, too. Fiddle with the buttons on the shirt. Make sure it’s sitting just right. Tug on the hem a bit. Try not to throw up. 

Tsukasa checks the mirror. Either he’s genuinely shaking, his emotions some awful cocktail of excitement, anxiety, and anticipation, or he’s absolutely lost it and is hallucinating. This is utterly embarrassing. If Nene saw this, he’d never hear the end of it. Emu might giggle, but at least she’d let him live it down. Maybe. What is a world future star like himself doing, absolutely losing it over a date? 

It’s a date. Oh god, it’s a date. 

To be fair, he’s never been on a real, romantic date. He has absolutely no precedent set, no idea of what to do. Obviously, he’s seen people on dates, and he knows the textbook definition—he may be oblivious at times, but he’s been exposed to romance. Spending time with Saki meant hearing her gush about whatever romance manga she loved (which may have given him a rather warped perception of it all, but oh well). 

What do real people even do on dates? Do they talk? Buy each other things? Be affectionate? 

He can’t handle this. One glance in the mirror confirms a slight pink tint to his face. Maybe wearing layers was a mistake. He’s one ill-timed tap on the shoulder from exploding into a thousand pieces like a poorly constructed vase. 

Even so, there’s no turning back now. 

He runs over his little routine one last time, making sure everything is accounted for. Wallet, phone, a physical list of flowers he thinks Rui would like in case he has the chance to buy them thoughtfully jotted down on a post-it note—everything’s ready, save for himself. 

He reaches for that same tube of lip balm that hadn’t changed places on his desk and applies it, just in case. And he pockets it too. Just in case.

—

What could possibly come in handy? What scenarios could unfold given every available detail about the setting?

Rui tosses item after item onto the heap of half-useless junk collecting on his floor, his room looking far more disorganized than usual. Sure, the odds of Tsukasa falling and needing serious first aid were low, but what if it did happen, and he wasn’t able to help? And maybe he didn’t really need to bring a set of materials to make balloon animals, but what if the conversation ran dry? An entire outfit change would take up a lot of space, but what if he ended up getting hurt and got blood on his clothes? There’s just so much to worry about, and not nearly enough time to worry about it all. 

He knows exactly what Nene would do if she saw this—she’d sigh, look at him, shake her head, and mutter something about how pathetic and ridiculous he was being. And, damn it all, she’d be absolutely right to say such a thing. Curse his self-awareness. Despite knowing what he was doing wrong, he couldn’t just ignore the potential for any sort of mishap on their date. What would he do if their first date, the first date either of them has ever gone on in their lives, was a total catastrophe? 

Gathering some reason, he determines that whatever he may need in case of emergency could probably be found at the mall. The odds of something unsalvageable happening were low, at least when considering random events. The real concern was what he could control much better: himself. Because it’s far likelier he’ll say something wrong and mess things up than a meteor crashing into the building. 

He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm himself. He grabs his phone, his wallet, and the little notepad and pen he keeps around in case he gets hit with inspiration. 

Today will be as perfect as he can make it.

—

Tsukasa sets out on his grand journey towards the familiar mall, his initial strides confident. Yet, with every second that passes, the fear of being late for something so important takes hold of him. It wasn’t long before he was practically running across the sidewalks of Shibuya in a desperate attempt to reach the mall before the set time struck. 

However, Tsukasa had already given himself extra time when determining the right moment to leave his house, in case it took longer to get to the mall than expected. He had also factored in time in case he got lost on his way to the cafe within the mall, where they had agreed to meet. 

He stood outside the doors, taking a moment to catch his breath. Surely he was on time. He grabbed his phone from his pocket, tapped the button, and watched the screen light up.

A new personal best: an entire half hour early.

—

It only took a few minutes after that for Rui to show up, joining the crowds of teens wandering from store to store. Sunlight brightened the vast space, the walls more glass than wall. It was far from his first time visiting, but everything seemed so different now that he had such a new objective. 

He spends a good five minutes staring at the large map on the screen right before him. His eyes run over it, first scanning the names of all the stores, then identifying their locations. After a brief moment of thinking, he jots down a list of the places of interest, handwriting a hasty scrawl utterly illegible to the untrained eye. For the next step, he prioritizes them. What places are worth visiting in the limited time he’ll be there? He only has so long before Tsukasa gets tired of him, or bored, or has to leave. The most important locations should be somewhat dispersed through the first few stops, and the least relevant can be dropped entirely. 

Soon, he has a list and a handful of potential routes. Multiple plans were essential, just in case Tsukasa changed his mind at any point. Doing work behind the scenes to ensure a successful show was second nature to him. Nothing half-hearted would do. 

Given that he still had ample time until he had to be at the cafe, he could scout out some of the locations to refine his itinerary. Plus, given his tendency to get lost, some last-minute exploring of the sections of the building he was unfamiliar with would be helpful to make him look less foolish. The last thing he’d want to do is lead Tsukasa in the entirely wrong direction with complete confidence. 

Fifteen minutes pass as he stops by various shops, examining them as best he can from a distance. No startling discoveries are made, as expected. Despite the unsurprising results, he feels just a bit safer. Everything was under control. 

—

After thoroughly wandering the cafe and pacing about for a sufficient amount, Tsukasa takes a seat at a small, round table for two. The seats are high enough for him to rest his legs on the metal bar connecting the legs. He waits, perched with perfect posture as the clock ticks towards the arranged meeting time. Occasionally, he breaks the delicately held pose to adjust a stray piece of hair or to confirm the time. Just three more minutes to go. 

Then, he spies that familiar purple hair. Rui’s not particularly difficult to spot in a crowd, after all, given his height and ridiculous hairstyle. He first smiles upon recognizing him, then raises an eyebrow—Rui didn’t approach from the direction of the same door Tsukasa did, nor any nearby ones. He brushes it off, though. Rui’s tendency to wander and explore explained things sufficiently. 

He’s nervous enough to feel the compulsion to loudly greet his date, but not confident enough to do it with the right amount of enthusiasm. He takes a deep breath and adjusts the cuff of his sleeve one last time, shaking off the last of his anxiety.

 “Hey, Rui!” he says at a surprisingly appropriate volume as Rui sits down opposite him. The nervousness-induced silence and anxiety-induced yelling cancelled out in what could only be a miracle. 

“Good afternoon, Tsukasa,” Rui replies with a polite nod. 

The conversation pauses for a moment. Both parties try to figure out what happens next—who even knows how dates work for people like them, anyway? They don’t need to get to know each other, given they’ve been best friends for who knows how long. 

“So, what do you think you’ll order?” Rui asks. 

“Ah, I was thinking about a latte. Or maybe milk tea… what are you planning on getting?” 

“I’m not sure. I’d rather not have anything too caffeinated, since those usually make me tired, but there are a lot of interesting drinks on the menu that do have caffeine. The process of coffee making is intriguing, though. It’s fascinating to see what seems to be a small field of knowledge so thoroughly researched, especially when it centers around the growing of just a few species of plants…” Rui cuts himself off before he goes beyond a point of no return. He should at least wait until they have their orders before bombarding Tsukasa with an hour-long lecture on coffee. 

“I see. Maybe a latte for me, then,” Tsukasa says with an appreciative nod. 

“I think I’ll just get a soda.” 

—

After an assortment of small talk about rehearsals and school, they take a seat with their respective drinks. Rui takes slow sips through a straw, while Tsukasa raises the cup to his lips, careful to avoid burning himself. Now would not be a great time to act foolishly. 

“Your outfit,” Rui starts, “it looks nice. I like the shirt.” He fails to hold eye contact. It’s like the bubbles on the surface of the soda are the most interesting thing he’s ever laid eyes upon. 

Nevertheless, Tsukasa beams, the awkwardness of the compliment having no impact whatsoever on its value to him. “Thank you very much! It’s made of quality fabric—100% cotton. A star’s wardrobe only has space for the best of items, after all.”

“Naturally.” Rui smiles. “It’s from that one brand you like, the one with the fish, right? We could pay a visit to their store, if you’d like,” he suggests. 

Tsukasa pauses to take a sip of his drink, considering the offer. “Maybe, if we have time. There’s a lot to do here,” he decides. “I was thinking we could visit the bookstore. Might have good show ideas.”

“I do like that place. Maybe it’ll be our first stop, then?” Mentally, he crosses out a handful of routes. Good thing he came prepared.

“Sounds good to me!”

—

The atmosphere is familiarly quiet. It’s no library, but rarely do people step into bookstores to make loud conversation. The shop is a small square, complete with warm lighting and light wooden shelves. A handful of people are dispersed among the maze-like layout, since it’s a weekend afternoon. Still, the bookstore remains tranquil. 

Rui trails behind Tsukasa, who wastes no time striding over to a display of sci-fi novels. He scans the titles, occasionally picking up a book to review the summary on the back cover. 

“Are you a fan of these kinds of stories, Tsukasa?” Rui asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, they’re interesting. It reminds me of that one show we did with ArcLand— A Tale of Two Androids , right? The characters were challenging to understand, and that’s what helped me improve. If I learn from all sorts of stories, then I can become more versatile,” Tsukasa explains. 

“I see. I was under the impression you were looking for story ideas—something to rival the brilliance of Romeo: Battle Royale .”

“Well, that one would be quite difficult to beat,” Tsukasa muses with a chuckle. “Perhaps a more sci-fi-heavy sequel, then. It did end with him going to space… maybe he has to fight alien Romeos with their futuristic technology.”

“That’d be an interesting one to direct. Developing technology used by a futuristic society would be fun as well—it’d be even more interesting to incorporate things beyond the standard laser beams. And there’d be lots of room for special effects, especially if it’s supposed to be under conditions outside of Earth’s. Maybe a battle on the moon, where gravity isn’t as strong…”

Even as Rui goes off on a tangent, chin resting in his hand as he ponders the idea with far too much seriousness, Tsukasa never once loses interest. 

“I’d gladly handle any stunts that came along with that,” Tsukasa says with a resolute nod. 

“We’d be pushing the boundaries of what’s possible here on Earth. Are you ready for that, Tsukasa?” Rui challenges, brows furrowed, an almost scarily intense look in his eyes. There’s no cat-like smirk this time.

“Always!” he declares. 

Rui suddenly breaks into laughter as he sees Tsukasa’s determined face, sees the amusing way he plants his hands on his hips with the confidence and certainty only Tsukasa has. An overwhelming feeling of fondness wraps itself around Rui’s heart, and he can only smile in response. “Good. I’ll be looking forward to it.”

—

“What’s that you’re reading?” Tsukasa asks, pausing his browsing of the towering shelf before him to glance at the text Rui has open in his hands. He recognizes some of the titles as science textbooks he’s seen around the school—a quick scan of the shelf Rui’s eyes are on reveals a variety of thick books with bland titles. 

“Non-fiction. It’s about poisons from plants.”

“I thought you had an encyclopedia about those?”

“I still have it. I just wanted to see if this book had anything new. The subject in general is quite fascinating, no? This one in particular focuses on the compounds within the plant, not the plant itself or where it grows. Instead of explaining, say, the process of extracting ricin from castor beans, it instead discusses ricin’s mechanism of toxicity on a biological level. There are other chapters, too—strychnine, atropine…”

“Wait… strychnine!? Don’t tell me our next show is a murder mystery…”

“Oh? But you could play the dashing detective, Tsukasa—unflinchingly investigating the horror of the crime scene, bravely chasing down leads, putting your life on the line to discover the truth. There’s plenty of room for emotional scenes, which you perform remarkably well. I think you could pull it off.”

Tsukasa considers Rui’s words, eventually giving a proud nod. “I’d be perfect for the role of a brilliant detective. I suppose it will only help grow my abilities as an actor.” 

Rui grins. “You’re that easily swayed?”

Tsukasa crosses his arms. “No, I just know how to recognize a great idea when I see one!” 

“Of course, of course.” 

—

The duo stands in line at the store’s checkout, though the wait is rather short. Still, they have time to peruse the small selection of stationery and bookmarks. 

“Star-shaped paper clips…” Tsukasa murmurs aloud, voice tinged with wonder. 

Rui turns to him, raising an eyebrow. His gaze falls to the item, and he nods approvingly. “The design is still functional, and it looks nice. It’s such a simple thing that improving on it is nigh impossible, so decorating it is the next best step.”

Tsukasa nods, but he isn’t fully listening. He is deep in thought, as if this is the most critical decision of his life.

The person in front of them walks off, and Rui, who stands before Tsukasa in line, quickly grabs the paper clips and places them atop the book he’s purchasing before sliding it on the counter. 

As Tsukasa meets Rui at the store’s exit, Rui reaches into his bag and hands the box to him with a smile. “I commend your commitment to the star motif. There’s nothing quite as suitable for you.”

Tsukasa stands there stunned for a moment, box in hand, almost left behind as Rui walks forward. His eyes are wide, glittering with awe as he looks down. Awkwardly, he quickens his pace to catch up. 

“Thank you very much!” Tsukasa exclaims, suddenly appearing at Rui’s side. He flinches. Even though the tone and volume lend themselves more to an angry demand instead of a heartfelt expression of gratitude, Rui can feel the intense sincerity of it all. 

“Of course,” Rui replies casually. “It’s no big deal.”

Despite his nonchalant attitude, the memory of Tsukasa’s expression when he gave him the box replays in his mind, and he smiles at it. 

—

“We separated for a bit back at the store. What books did you end up buying?” Tsukasa asks as Rui leads him past the window of a clothing store.

“Hm? Oh, I did end up getting the one on poisons, as well as another on the different kinds of fabric.”

“I see… fabric?”

“Yes. I thought it would be worthwhile knowledge to have if we ever have to work on more specialized costumes. Understanding each material’s uses and properties would be essential for that.”

“Well, you can leave the sewing to me! I’ve been honing my skills recently,” Tsukasa says triumphantly. 

“That would most certainly be helpful. After all, it would be hard to find the costumes for an underwater show in stores, especially properly detailed ones…” 

“That will absolutely not be happening,” Tsukasa huffs. 

Rui gives his best puppy-dog eyes. Tsukasa shuts his eyes and turns away. Not today. 

—

It isn’t long before they’re walking around the mall with a variety of bags hanging from their hands. Rui’s intended plan had worked—they had hit several stores, and each one spawned conversations about show ideas, which he had thoroughly enjoyed. Seeing Tsukasa light up with joy when considering various roles he’d excel in was quite nice, too. 

They’re standing in an arts and crafts store before a large, colorful display of buttons when Rui suddenly goes quiet after Tsukasa makes a particularly admirable comment: something about how he wants to be able to express even the finest details of a character through mannerisms alone. Instead of sending that thought to the show-ideas-generating section of his brain, he falls silent. They’ve been talking like this for hours, yet it’s felt like mere moments. Something warm flutters in his chest, and he can’t help but feel lucky. A million different things in his life before this exact instant had to go right for him to be here: he thinks back to when Tsukasa had tracked him down to the rooftop, and to when he had invited then re-invited him to join, and to when he had injured him, and to all those little moments where it had felt like something was going to pull them apart—the talk of dreams on the deserted island, Asahi’s proposal at the final ambassadorial show, the sand in the hourglass he couldn’t stop from trickling down as Tsukasa attended workshops and trained on his own. He wants nothing more than to contain this moment, cradle it in his hands, bring it close to his heart, and squeeze it tightly before it fades away. He can’t let this feeling go.

Tsukasa turns to him, inevitably—his sudden silence is, after today’s constant chatter, quite unnerving. 

“You must really like those buttons, huh?” he asks, pointing at a little box of buttons shaped like balloons in a variety of colors. So that's where he's been staring. “They’re cute,” Tsukasa adds.

“They’re just one of many small details that could reveal information about a character or setting,” Rui says abruptly, fumbling for an excuse as he looks back up at Tsukasa. It’s his curse—the longer he stands around thinking about something, the more awkward he gets when he snaps out of it. He can only hope Tsukasa is understanding, or unobservant. Both work. 

Tsukasa nods, anticipating another one of Rui’s lectures. It doesn’t happen. Instead, Rui remains still, holding eye contact before eventually speaking. “Sometimes, they’re convenient fasteners, but other times, they’re just decoration. I wonder where Mizuki got the ones they used for Nene’s costume…” 

Again, Tsukasa nods. The scales tip in favor of understanding over unobservant. “Do you know how to sew, Rui?” he asks.

“A bit. Although in Home Ec class, I usually just sketched show outfits. My teacher wasn’t a huge fan of the projects I wanted to work on. Too many zippers, or thread colors, or embellishments, or pockets…” 

“Did you ever end up making them?” Tsukasa presses, raising an eyebrow. 

Seeing Tsukasa’s skepticism, he definitely feels understood. What a terrible thing to be.

“I think sewing machines are fascinating pieces of machinery. However, they do not seem to return my affections.”

“...You broke it.”

“Precisely,” Rui chirps, not missing a beat.

“I guess they’re pretty fickle sometimes,” Tsukasa concedes, giving Rui a look of fond exasperation. Rui’s heart flutters. “Maybe I could teach you to hand-sew one of these days, so you can stop outsourcing all the costume modifications to me.”

Rui places his hand on his chin, staring off to the side as he considers the offer. Time with Tsukasa, so generously offered to him, is always a plus. And that look of concentration he has when he works on tasks like sewing is just too cute to pass up. Rui cringes at his own thoughts. When did it get this bad? “I appreciate the offer, but nobody could do it like you. Your sewing skill is truly impressive, you know. I just don’t think I could ever match it. I trust you more than anyone else to handle my ideas, and you execute them flawlessly every time.”

“Jeez.” Tsukasa sighs. “You can tone it down, you know. Just because I want to teach you doesn’t mean I won’t help with sewing stuff if you ask nicely.”

Rui sighs with relief. “Then I'll gladly look forward to your lessons, Tsukasa. I'm sure you’ll be amazed by my ideas.”

“Let’s aim to get the basics down first,” Tsukasa corrects.

 —

By the time they make it outside, the sun has just started setting. In an unspoken agreement, Tsukasa walks with Rui towards his neighborhood. It’s a trip they’ve made a few times—thankfully, they’re both going the same direction. As they walk, they take turns rambling about whatever comes to mind. Tsukasa mentions a show he likes, Rui comments on some technical aspect of it, and something branches off from that. It’s not a long walk, but they’re dawdling. Rui’s in no hurry to get away from Tsukasa, after all. The sun dips further in the sky, its brightness starting to wane. He feels something brush against his hand, and instantly, he puts his bags into his right hand and accepts Tsukasa’s. It’s a bit awkward carrying the extra weight on one side, and he instantly wonders if he could’ve planned better—maybe he should’ve brought the backpack with all his emergency tools to carry things in, or…

Tsukasa squeezes his hand, and his blurred vision refocuses as he blinks a few times. “Sorry,” Rui says quickly, “what were you saying again?”

With no hesitation, no trace of annoyance, Tsukasa repeats himself with the same gusto. Rui nods, and they continue their journey.

—

When they reach Rui’s house, the street lights are on. And while Rui would gladly stand outside his house for a few hours longer to continue their conversation, he’s vaguely aware of Tsukasa saying something about needing to get home so he can go to sleep on time. Cute. 

“Thank you for going out with me today,” Rui says with a smile, letting go of Tsukasa’s hand. “I had a lot of fun.” 

He isn’t quite sure what makes a date any different from his normal hangouts with Tsukasa, because it felt like much of the same. But something’s intuitively different, though putting it into words is impossible.

“Me too! We should do this again soon,” Tsukasa agrees, and he returns the smile. There’s something quieter about it, differing from his usual expression. It doesn’t feel any more or less authentic—it’s still Tsukasa, and he can sense the joy that went into it. Rui's heart flutters as he keeps looking, trying to figure out just what about it is so fascinating. 

Maybe that’s what makes it different: the warmth he feels is like nothing else. 

“Absolutely.” Rui nods, and with a deep breath, he turns to walk inside.

But he’s turned right back around with almost impressive strength. “Wait! I have to ask you something!” Tsukasa says, probably a little louder than he intended, given the faint pink that’s appeared on his cheeks. It’s just barely visible under the streetlight. 

Rui looks back, eyes wide. He quickly shakes off the surprise. “Of course,” he replies, giving Tsukasa his full attention despite the sudden onset of butterflies. 

“Are we dating now? I… I don’t really know how this stuff works. Can I call you my boyfriend?”

Rui is quiet for so long, yet Tsukasa doesn’t seem to waver at all. He just stands there, giving him as much time as he needs. And it’s a lot of time, Rui thinks, as he stands there staring in awe for probably way too much time. It couldn’t have been longer than a minute, but he had plenty of time to blink stupidly. It’s only when he sees Tsukasa start to withdraw a bit that he snaps out of it.

“I’d like that,” Rui responds softly, and he hopes Tsukasa hears him, because if he had to repeat himself, he might explode on the spot. “I don’t know either, but I’d be happy to be…” The words trail off. It’s a sentence he never expected to say. Really, it was the last thing on his mind in middle school, when making friends seemed out of the question, and in high school, once that was crossed off, his next priority on the list was shows. "...To be your boyfriend."

In this moment, standing before Tsukasa, watching the way he lights up at the words, Rui instantly knows he wants to bask in this warmth for as long as possible, to exist as a cold-blooded reptile napping in the afternoon sunshine upon a nice, solid rock. He’s hastily filing through his brain for lizard fun facts to fill the silence when Tsukasa leans in for a kiss on the lips. 

There goes that idea. The fact filing cabinet in his head is caught in the blast as everything present in his consciousness is reduced to vapor. He doesn’t even have time to close his eyes before it’s over, but he does get to feel his face heat up rapidly. He blinks once, then twice. Though he feels the urge to ask some sort of question, to express his surprise in some way, he has no clue what he’d even say. He stands there, mouth slightly agape, feeling both stupid and giddy.

“Okay!” Tsukasa blurts hastily, already retreating further down the road. “Goodnight, Rui! See you tomorrow!” he calls out, just a tad too loud, overcompensating for the growing distance.  

On instinct, barely thinking, Rui waves frantically as Tsukasa slowly disappears down the road, turning to look back one last time before completely falling out of view. Their eyes meet one last time—catching a final, dazzling smile from Tsukasa, Rui swears he’s about to fall over. He stands on the sidewalk for a brief moment, head still spinning.

Tomorrow. What a wonderful day that’ll be.