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Ros Snow was in a mood that night but Sansa would not be deterred. She was two. Being in a constant mood was par for the course. They were going to church service tonight and that was that. Sansa would not permit her little girl to hold her hostage. Two days before, Catelyn Stark had surprised her granddaughter with a witch’s black hat for Halloween and Ros wanted to wear it at all times. Sansa didn’t care. It was that time of year and Ros looked absolutely adorable, toddling all over their apartment in her witch’s hat but she would not permit her to wear a witch’s hat to church.
Sansa had been attending the same Presbyterian Church since she was born and it was the church close to where her parents lived. It was no longer exactly close to Sansa since she and Jon had moved and now lived closer to downtown and there were a couple of churches that would be considered to be more convenient but Sansa was devoted to that church and that was where she took her daughter. The Snow family only had one car – living in the city, there was no need for two – and Jon was working the night shift down at Homicide tonight so the car was with him, which left Sansa to take an Uber to church that evening. Jon hated the idea of her and Ros taking the bus or subway and though Sansa felt he was being slightly ridiculous for it, she humored him and took Ubers more times than not. Going to church tonight had been a last minute decision or else Jon definitely would not have taken the car but Sansa had been looking at the weather for tomorrow and with thunderstorms predicted in the morning, she admitted that she would have no desire to go to church tomorrow if that was going to be the weather.
As soon as she received the alert that the Uber had arrived and waiting on the street below, Sansa made sure she had everything that was needed and then, quick as lightning, she whipped the witch’s hat from Ros’s head, tossed it onto the table next to the front door, and hightailed it from the apartment. In her arms, it took Ros a second or two to realize what had happened and once she did, the wailing began. Ros cried the entire way down the hallway, as they waited for the elevator, as they rode the elevator down and as they left the apartment building. She cried in Sansa’s arms, practically screaming because Sansa was SO awful in not letting her wear her witch’s hat.
“Uber?” Sansa opened the back door to the car at the curb.
Jon had told her to never give her name to an Uber driver and always let them identify her first. There had been a terrible case a couple years ago where a young woman had called for an Uber. When she left the bar where she was, she saw a car waiting and assumed it was for her. When she opened the door and asked if it was for her, saying her name in the process, “Are you here for Megan?”, the man had said that yes, he was her for Megan. He wasn’t and two days later, her murdered body had been found dumped in an alley. Sansa had never thought of there being any harm in stating her name first but being married to a homicide detective, she quickly learned that there was harm in just about everything.
“For Sansa?” The driver, a young man probably in his early twenties, asked from the front seat.
“Yes, and I’m sorry about this,” she said as she maneuvered herself into the backseat with Ros still wailing away in her arms. She settled her in her lap and sat the diaper bag next to her.
“That’s okay,” he gave a smile. “Westminster Presbyterian?”
“Yes, please.” Ros had the hiccups now but she wasn’t stopping in her crying and Sansa rubbed her back. “Panini, you have to stop. Stop.” But saying that would do nothing. Her daughter was in the middle of a meltdown and few things could stop it. People referred it as the terrible twos for a reason. The girl wanted her witch’s hat and because she couldn’t wear it to church, her entire world had just imploded. “You can’t wear a witch’s hat to church but you can wear it as soon as we get home again,” Sansa promised but that meant absolutely nothing to Ros though and her crying continued. “I’m sorry,” Sansa said again to the driver. Having a screaming and crying child near them was rarely something a stranger enjoyed.
“It’s okay,” the man said but Sansa noticed his slight wince at Ros’s volume. “Is she a Lil’ Nas fan?” He then guessed from the nickname Sansa had used on her daughter.
(Sansa and Jon made the conscious effort to avoid saying their daughter’s name if they could while around complete strangers.)
“She is,” Sansa smiled. Ros was exhausting herself and practically collapsed against Sansa’s chest but that didn’t mean that her meltdown was winding down. He fumbled with a few buttons for a moment and then the very familiar beginning of “Panini” began to play. It took a few seconds after that for Ros to (finally) start to calm down. Her tears began to cease and her breathing started to return to normal. “Thank you,” Sansa said graciously to the man. She had already paid him through the app but she would be sure to go back and leave him one heck of a tip.
“That’s actually pretty incredible,” the man noted because just from the song, Ros was practically completely silent now compared to how she had been just a minute ago.
At the church, making sure she thanked the Uber driver profusely, Sansa held Ros in her arms and made sure she had both her purse and diaper bag. Inside, she staked the very last pew for herself. There was a cry room for younger children but Sansa didn’t like to take Ros in there during service. It could very much be like “Lord of the Flies” in that room with the children running absolutely wild and not paying attention to anything and Sansa was trying to teach Ros to sit in church. Obviously, she was two and things happened but her own parents had started “training” Sansa and her siblings in proper church etiquette when they were Ros’s age so that was what Sansa was trying to do. When Sansa sat down, she began to sit Ros down next to her but the girl shook her head and Sansa smiled faintly, settling her on her lap. Ros rested her head against her chest and Sansa turned her cheek to rest on top of her head. She didn’t look to see if her parents were there for the Saturday evening service. Ned and Catelyn went out to dinner every week with another couple who were dear friends and they wouldn’t be here. Sansa had to chuckle at the fact that her parents had a more active social life than she did. Since Ros was born, Sansa’s life had very much been nothing but her. She had managed to get her PhD in Anthropology – no small feat with a newborn – and there was the Ros Wallace Center, her other baby, but for the most part, Sansa found herself in a limbo. Not that being Ros’s mama wasn’t the best thing to ever happen to her. And it wasn’t like she didn’t love being Ros’s mama more than anything in the world because she did.
She just felt… she didn’t even know. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. She knew there shouldn’t be anything wrong with her. She would never tell Jon this. She would never even give him a hint of this but sometimes, being his wife, she felt very lonely. They were making serious plans to move out of the city and to the country where life would be quieter, calmer, more together. Sansa never thought she and Jon would ever be the sort to move out there but as they looked at available houses in the area on Realtor.com and made appointments with a realtor out there and started researching the elementary school for Ros to attend in a few years, her excitement grew. Imagining Jon at home in the mornings, going to work and then coming home in the evenings, it gave Sansa an ache in her chest of how much she wanted that. As a couple, they had never had that.
Thinking of Jon now, Sansa reached for her cell phone from her purse. From the diaper bag, she also got Ros’s stuffed capybara, smiling as the little girl stretched out her arms immediately for it. The meltdown over the witch’s hat had now long passed and now, she was exhausted from it. Unlocking her cell phone, Sansa turned the camera around to take a picture of the both of them. She then sent it to Jon along with a text.
We went to church tonight.
She didn’t know if he had caught a case or not. She didn’t know if he and Jaime were somewhere out in the city right this very second, studying a crime scene. Their last case – the worst case that had really brought Jon to a near breakdown and had pushed them into making plans to get out of here and go to the country – had finally been solved when the FBI came into help and Sansa was so thankful that this wasn’t one of Jon’s unsolved cases that would always hang over his head. A murder was always something horrible but a murdered child – and in this case, children – was something else entirely.
Jon’s text came just as the organ began to play the opening hymn. Sansa remained sitting in the pew with Ros nestled in her lap. Please tell me you took an Uber.
We took an Uber.
Sansa then made sure her phone was on silent before returning it to her purse. She then picked up one of the hymn books and finding the correct page, she began to sing the opening song with the rest of the church, her finger moving along the words so Ros could watch and follow along. Thankfully, Ros remained quiet for the entire service, hugging her capybara and playing with strands of Sansa’s hair. Her meltdown had seemingly really taken it out of her. At the end of the service, Sansa hadn’t stood up for the past hour and arranging Ros in her arms, she stood. Slowly. It took her a moment for her blood to start flowing again and for her body to feel like she was able to move again. She smiled at others she knew, saying hello, exchanging small talk. Making sure she had everything, she shifted Ros, settling her on her hip, and she left the church. Her parents’ home was just two blocks away and she would go there for a little bit. They would be home from dinner by now and Sansa knew she couldn’t be this close to their house and not stop by and see them.
Outside the church, parked at the curb, she noted a car and began to smile. A moment later, the driver’s door opened and Jon stepped out. She wasn’t surprised in the least that he was there. Ros perked up at the sight of him and she gasped.
“Daddy!” She exclaimed.
Jon grinned, stepping to them and he took Ros from Sansa’s arms into his. “Hey, Rosie.” He kissed her cheek. “How was church?” He asked both of them.
“Good!” Ros chirped.
“Thank you,” Sansa breathed gratefully. She shook out her arms and headed to the car. “Are you still working?”
“Technically, yes, but Jaime and I aren’t up so as long as Jaime doesn’t answer the phone, we’ll be fine.” Jon was bending into the back of the car, settling and buckling Ros into her seat.
When he straightened again and closed the door, Sansa hadn’t gotten into the car yet. She stood on the sidewalk and looked at him. She hadn’t been expecting him to show up at church to pick them up but now that he was here, she was so glad to see him. She was always so happy to see him. That was how she knew she had fallen in love with him in the first place. All she wanted to do was see him and when they were apart, she actually missed him. Even now married, she still felt that. She didn’t think that when they were married, she would have any reason to miss him but when she was feeling that loneliness, she couldn’t help but wonder if Jon ever missed her, too.
Jon was looking at her closely and Sansa knew there was an expression on her face that he was studying. She wasn’t sure what her face was showing him but she knew it was something she wanted him to see. He took a step towards her and Sansa was the one to close the space and her arms slid around his shoulders. Jon’s arms slid around her waist, holding her close. He opened his mouth and she knew he was going to ask her if she was okay and she didn’t like that question right now. Instead, she kissed him.
“I can’t wait until we move,” she told him on an exhaled breath.
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