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There was always something about physical contact that made Pomni’s skin crawl. Well sure, something simple like a handshake, a small bump- hell even a hand on her shoulder to move her out of the way for a moment was more or less fine since it never really meant anything
But it was when the touch LINGERED that made her so uncomfortable
She only accepts hugs from close friends or family and NO touch from strangers- and even then it's never guaranteed towards closer people. She wasn’t sure why, considering there was no real trauma she had in regard to touching- but it was just something she was ALWAYS like in the end. At least, that’s what she remembered in her old life
But vague memories or not, Pomni remembered the DISGUST she had towards that sort of touch
Even smaller indications of it like someone lifting their hand up made her flinch. The pale skinned jester couldn’t even begin to describe why this was the case, but it was just… uncomfortable. Unsettling, like something was going to go wrong if it stayed for longer than a few moments
Hell, smaller gestures like if it was a pat on the back almost like a hot branding iron against her own cold, bare skin and that itchiness and discomfort would stay there, lingering more than how long the person had ACTUALLY touched her
And she hated it. But… she was quiet about that when in the circus
She could feel that most would call her borderline insane for freaking out over such a thing- and besides, no one REALLY touched her. The only one who did was… Caine. Ugh. Caine. He was SO oblivious to what she felt, what EVERYONE felt. She didn’t know what she’d do if she didn’t listen to the omnipresent set of teeth, so she just sat there and dealt with it
However, one day… She couldn’t take it anymore
Today, it was too much. She was overwhelmed as much as it was (having already accepted that it wasn’t a nightmare), so it wasn’t much of a shock that Pomni slapped herself out of the ringmaster’s grasp. Caine paused as he turned his body towards the anxious jester- Pomni’s irises were small and bordering on squiggly and messy due to being so overwhelmed
Out of the corner of her eyes, she noticed that Ragatha and Gangle took notice of this. They seemed to be the only ones who actually had SOME f#@king common sense in this place, and within months, she was closest with both of them
But nevertheless, Caine’s top part of his mouth raised like an eyebrow- and heterochromatic eyes trying to put the pieces together
“Ohhhh silly Pomni! My hand must have slipped! Let me-”
“DON’T.”
She screamed, grabbing Caine’s wrist to stop him as she saw him slowly reaching once more. She didn’t yell, but the sudden raised voice filled with both fear and disgust to fill the empty parts of the large room caused a reaction from everyone
Except Kinger, at least for a moment
Once his small ‘Ah’ echoed out into nothingness, Pomni looked up at the teeth headed man as she slowly let go of his wrist. “Sorry! I just… Maybe don’t touch me like that? At all? Just… period? Please?” Sincerity filled the request, but it did take a good 10 seconds of awkwardly standing there, knowing that the other members of the circus were looking at her
She hated being the center of attention, but if this was what she needed to do in order to have the AI respect her boundaries, then it would be worth it. Until the horrid voice of the laid back a$$hole that was Jax was heard
“What? Ya mean to tell us ya don’t want us to touch you like AT ALL? How else are we gonna make you join us, huh kid?” Kid. She hated when he called her a kid- especially since HE was younger than HER
Before Pomni could respond to him, the ragdoll quickly interrupted- her soothing and gentle tone almost instantly calming Pomni down at least a little bit, thankful that she didn’t have to confront the rabbit’s stubborn personality. “Jax, how about we respect her boundaries instead of questioning them, okay?” She said, getting a small groan and an eye roll from Jax as a response
“Ugh fine, whatever ya say MOM” he responded in a very sarcastic way as he put his hands behind his head
Before Pomni could continue she was again interrupted, but this time with Caine putting his hand on the woman’s shoulder AGAIN despite the request and laughed. “No need to bicker! I’m sure Pomni’s just excited, right Pomni?” but he wasn’t heard
The touch was WAY too long
Too much touch
FAR TOO MUCH TOUCH.
Pomni’s eyes were nothing but a scribbled mess as she started to breathe heavily at the touch. She was fighting her fight or flight responses while everyone, but Ragatha thought it was a good idea to get closer, mostly to try and see if Pomni was okay, but this only had the opposite effect on the poor jester
Now not only was it too much touch for her to handle, but also it was too crowded! She felt like she couldn’t breathe- her breaths sounded like the pants of a scared dog more than a person, and sadly, someone triggered it more
Kinger, being completely oblivious as usual, had decided to poke Pomni’s cheek as he muttered something about ‘going insane’- however for Pomni it was only a muffled sound and ringing began to play in her ears above everything else
THAT is what did it for her
She wants- no- NEEDS to get away, somehow- SOMEHOW get away
It was too much.
FAR too much of everything.
And she NEEDED SPACE.
Pomni ended up screaming at the top of her digitized lungs as she quickly ran away, squeezing through the rather small crowd while at the same time they backed away from her as she ran off into ANY of the corridors that were closest. Everyone stood there in silence, seeming to realize they kinda messed up on that front
Gangle wanted to suggest someone goes to check on her, but Jax almost instantly decided to change the topic… By stealing Zooble’s wing and running off with it. But as Zooble and Gangle ran after Jax to get the piece, Kinger standing there thinking about who knows what, and Caine just shrugging it off as it was nothing
As he disappeared to go make another adventure for another time, Ragatha could tell what was happening with the poor little jester. Due to the chaos, it was quite easy to slip by the others whilst she went to the dorm room area. Getting into her room, she was set on helping Pomni. But, of course, she knew that she needed a few things first before going after her
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The walls were too big.
The halls were too colorful.
The noises were too much.
And yet, it was so suffocating at the same time.
Everything seemed like it was twisting and turning in horrid and scary ways as Pomni ran through all of the halls she could think of, practically running on all fours as she soon found a corner. Something as simple as a corner was normal for most, but almost godly to her.
She pressed her back against the corner, whimpering and panting between harsh breaths, so harsh she occasionally gagged on the air that invaded her lungs. She felt her head throbbing despite being seemingly made of rubber and pixels- and she let it sink in that the pain she was feeling at this moment was REAL.
The disgust, fear, anxiety, WAS REAL. Her panic…
Was the most real thing of all that has happened to her.
She fell to her side with a dell thud as she curled up into a ball, trying to force the itchiness of her skin away but scratching at her shoulders, arms, legs, and even her face. Pomni closed her eyes as the gloves weren’t giving any sort of good scratch, since she didn’t have nails anymore.
She was crying, the tears being inky black in colors and staining her face, the tears almost burning as much as the feeling of her own hands on her arms as she itched and itched and itched more and more. She whined like a wounded animal while lying on the floor, tears falling onto the carpeted floor. It was too much and she just… COULDN’T TAKE IT.
She couldn’t hear much over the sounds of her small pleads and sobs, so it wasn’t really a surprise that she didn’t hear the very plush and soft footsteps coming up to her. Ragatha had been looking for about 10 minutes for the girl, and she was lucky she found her.
Pomni wasn’t likely aware about just how long she’d been breaking down for, since time isn’t something that makes sense here. But that wasn’t the important thing. What WAS important was the doll carefully and cautiously, walking over to her
She knew most comfort methods like hugging or head patting were out of the question considering what caused this in the first place, Ragatha having a very similar experience that she only vaguely remembers with someone from the real world before she came here, so she knew exactly what to do
Once Pomni’s pleas quieted down, Ragatha finally spoke aloud, the younger girl’s head tilted a little at her naturally calm and reassuring voice that although did SOUND close, it was clear from the distance that she wasn’t too close to breach Pomni’s personal bubble of privacy “Pomni! Oh goodness, I’m glad I found you… I brought you some things”
Instinctually, Pomni sat up only to hide her face behind her hands, still shaken up by the experience she just had. She didn’t want what usually happens when people try to calm her down. Most people when they comfort others TOUCH them, and yes it’s meant to be comforting but there’s NOTHING comforting about ANY sort of touch right now
Everything’s too much and when it’s too much it’s BAD and it’s bad BECAUSE it’s happening and… And… Pomni realized she hadn't felt Ragatha touch her yet. Instead… She heard Ragatha’s voice again- purposefully quiet, as if trying not to be too loud for the other
“Hey now… I’m not going to just forget how you reacted back there. That’s why I brought you these. They’re from my room, that’s why I took so long to find you” From under her hands, Pomni saw something appear in her sight, although she couldn’t tell what it was
Slowly but surely, she removed her hands away from her face to look down at what was by her body. It was some digital muffins, a homemade looking teddy bear, and a blue blanket. Pomni looked up at Ragatha as the ragdoll sat down on her knees in front of her, but at a distance as to not make the jester uncomfortable
The ragdoll put her hands on her lap so Pomni could see them to make sure she knew there was nothing to be scared of. “Go on… They’re for you. Even if you don’t want people touching you, I felt like you still wanted to feel… well, safe”
The kind nature of Ragatha made Pomni blush, even though she was still of course physically shaking. Her movements were precise and careful, slowly taking one item at a time. First, it was the blanket. It was super soft and fluffy in her hands, so it was no surprise she wrapped the thing around her with ease
Pomni gripped the blanket to her sides as she took in the feeling of it wrapped around her. She LOVED the feeling of it around her. It was like a hug from a close grandmother (as best she could describe it), but without the itchiness. Her breathing calmed and her shaking had lessened as she sat there within the blanket
Ragatha smiled as she saw this, glad that what she thought of was working
The jester sighed as she then took the teddy bear. She looked at the stitching, crude but natural, before looking at the doll next to her, her red and blue pinwheel eyes slightly spun, asking the question more than words ever could. “Oh, that thing? I just made it one day out of boredom. But you can hold it- even keep it! I hardly use it anyway”
As soon as the words left her mouth, Pomni held it close to her, feeling the fuzziness and sewing against her chest. It was like an old toy, one an adult would have ever since they were a child, and she loved it. She looked at the muffins, trying to guess what flavor they were. Again, Ragatha could read Pomni like an open book
“They’re banana nut muffins. They’re my favorite, but I didn’t have any others… Sorry if you’re not a fan of that flavor” After the doll finished talking, Pomni took one of the muffins and took a bite of it. Unlike most of the food in the digital circus, this had… a LOT of flavor. AMAZING FLAVOR
Nothing towards Bubble and its cooking, but this was THE best thing she’d had in the circus so far. Pomni was quick to eat the muffin in one hand as she practically cocooned herself within the fluffy blanket, slowly calming down, the quick eating making the ragdoll giggle more, finding it cute
Then, Ragatha reaches towards the other, but it was only to grab a muffin herself. No reaching out, no questions, just… existing in front of her. Eating with her as Pomni calmed down from her panic attack. It was different from the others, and she found herself blushing more as she quietly observed Ragatha
Pomni’s eyes were extremely expressive. No one could deny it, except for the jester herself. So, when she was really admiring the details on the doll, her spinning eyes of wonder and infatuation really started to show. She always wondered what it would feel like getting a hug from her
Her unique hands, her curly bright red woolen hair that looked hand spun, the cute blue bow atop of her head, and her eyes… Ragatha knew Pomni was staring, but she didn’t wish to make her embarrassed. It was just them, in quiet, just trying to make sure everyone was okay
Away from Kinger’s rambling, Jax’s snarkiness, Gangle’s crying, and even Caine didn’t seem to exist right now
It was just… Them
And it was peaceful
And it… was beautiful
As beautiful as Ragatha was in the eyes of the now head-over-heels Pomni. She did draw the others sometimes, as a way to remember them and pass the time, but she was stuck on Ragatha’s drawing. It was done, but something was missing… Perhaps later then she’ll figure it out. For now… It’s time to relax
After the two shared the snack and Pomni had stopped shaking, it took a little bit for Pomni to say anything. But… She now wanted something more than just a blanket and a presence. It was what she wanted a little bit ago since she was admiring everything about the older woman, but she also just wanted to talk to Ragatha
Even for a moment. This wasn’t the first time the ragdoll had calmed her down ever since she had gotten here, and hell she even helped Ragatha a few times before, but… She wanted to actually HAVE something with this one. Not just them being so close but respecting one another’s boundaries just to leave to the group
She gulped before finally speaking up, her tone being understandably strained and emotionally tired due to her breakdown. “Hey… Ragatha? Um… I’m sorry about what happened back there… I should’ve just said I didn’t like the touching on my shoulder…” She said with a sigh, leaving the doll confused
Ragatha looked at her with a perplexed look on her face
“What do you mean? You were just reacting to something you didn’t like. That’s all. And I could tell that comforting you was the best bet, and it seemed to have worked, didn’t it?” She said with her iconic smile. That smile made Pomni’s heart melt, no matter the situation
Her eyes got bigger like a cat’s eyes as she scooted a little bit towards Ragatha, which admittedly shocked the dolly, who wasn’t expecting Pomni to move at all. The jester dropped the teddy bear and wrapped herself up more
This is super embarrassing to ask but… Can you cu… Um, hold me while I’m in this blanket? I-I need a hug, but not against my… skin…” Although she was naturally hesitant to call her digital body ‘skin’, it was the best way to describe it right now as she waited for Ragatha’s answer
Ragatha thought for a moment before nodding. What’s the worst that could happen? It seemed like something Pomni needed so she was more than happy to give her what she wanted. The doll opened up her arms, waiting for Pomni to come to her
The other shuffled more until she was in Ragatha’s arms while in her lap, all wrapped up within the blanket. Now… THIS was what she wanted. Hugs weren’t something so soothing until now, especially since she felt the pressure and the compression around her WITHOUT the contact
Pomni cuddled up against Ragatha, who was blushing this whole time but was still content with doing this. After a few minutes, Pomni was already asleep in the doll’s arms, small vibrations in her throat making a noise similar to purring
This was the first time ANY one in this circus had heard such a positive noise from the jester. So, Ragatha’s gonna take it in happily, especially since she knew that others would bring up this fact with the jester- and that wouldn’t be such a good thing for poor Pomni
She’ll carry her to her room in just a moment, especially since the doll couldn’t help but think about how cute Pomni looked in the blanket… She could feel her face grow hot at the mere thought of seeing this every day
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“Surprise mismatch, ya get it back!” Jax announced as he threw Zooble back the wing that the rabbit had stolen. Gangle’s mask was broken again, Kinger was off messing with the little lizard-like creatures Caine had spawned thinking they were insects, and people had completely forgotten about the events from earlier
Well, they didn’t forget it, they more so didn’t want to bother Pomni after such an event. But that all changed when Jax saw Ragatha carrying something to the area where the dorms are. “Hey dollface! Whatcha got there?” He shouted out, which made the doll do an eye roll
“I’m just taking Pomni to her room. Do NOT go bothering her, alright? It’s been a lot for her, and we don’t need any more of your antics” Ragatha said back, not shouting across the room but she was loud enough for Jax to hear. Jax, completely unaware of what the issue is (somehow), runs up to Ragatha and attempts to touch the blanket
Almost instantly, Ragatha slaps Jax’s hand away and glares at him. “I. Said. DON’T.” She said in a protective tone as she walked away. Jax groaned with a ‘fine’ under his breath before going back to the others
Zooble saw what happened, her antenna’s buzzing around with thought before saying something. “Maybe don’t bother the one you called mom, j@#^@$$” Zooble said, still in the usual tired and uncaring tone
Ragatha managed to get into the jester’s room and get her in bed, not unwrapping her once. She took a look around the room for a moment. For a room that is filled with masks, toys, balloons, and having a carnival aesthetic- it was actually very cozy
Maybe it will make Pomni comfortable with less clown-like stuff though?
Caine could help with that, but that’s more of a later time sort of idea than anything else. As she looked around, she noticed a piece of paper on the desk next to the bed. Ragatha was never the type to snoop- however she couldn’t help but notice the colors
On the paper was… Of her!
Pomni had drawn Ragatha at some point, and it was adorable! It wasn’t the best- but she didn’t care. She decided to give a little gift on it, grabbing the paper and quickly kissing it. Her red lipstick makes a perfect red mark on the edge of the page, right where Pomni can see it without it getting in the way
It seemed to have completed the picture as well, although why she thought that was anyone’s guess really. She put the page down and sighed happily as she walked to the doorway, saying one last thing before she turned off the light and left the room
“We’ll take it one step at a time, Pom-Pom”