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“You and Alex are getting pretty serious, aren’t you?” Catherine asks.
It’s been close to a year now since his mother started making an effort again to be a part of his life and Henry is finally getting used to it. It’s becoming easier to talk to her about the things that matter, like Alex.
“Yes, we are. We’re in the process of moving his things into the brownstone. We were planning on being responsible and dating properly before we move in together, but…”
“But you’re young, in love and he probably spends most nights at your place anyway?” his mother finishes.
Henry nods, a slight flush to his cheeks. The whole world may have read the filth he and Alex sent each other, it’s still embarrassing to talk to his mother about spending the night with his boyfriend.
“I’m really happy for you, Henry. You deserve to be happy and I’m so proud of you for pursuing it. I know your father would be proud of you too.” It’s still painful for both of them to bring up Arthur, so they hardly ever do it. Henry would love to talk about him more, there’s so many things he’d like to know about his father. Whenever the subject comes up, there’s a sadness that clouds Catherine’s eyes that’s hard to ignore. A part of him is scared he’ll scare his mother away again if he talks too much about Arthur.
“I wish Alex could have met dad,” he admits softly. “I hope they would have gotten along.”
“I know they would have,” Catherine says confidently. “Your father was a fan of anything that upset your grandmother. He…” her breath comes out shaky and she takes a moment to gather her thoughts. “Before he passed he gave me a letter for you. He told me to give it to you when you got in a serious relationship. I know you never got to tell him about your sexuality, but I’m sure it’ll still be a good letter. I hope so, at least.” She pulls an envelope out of her purse which she hands to Henry. It feels heavy and it’s even sealed with wax, so he knows she never tampered with it.
Henry turns it over with shaky hands and there’s his name, written in his father’s curvy handwriting. He tries to say something several times, but no words come out. He’s absolutely speechless. He had no idea his father had done something like this.
“I’ll leave you with that, but don’t feel obligated to open it now. Take your time.” Catherine holds his hand and squeezes it encouragingly. “Come say goodbye before you leave for New York again.”
Henry’s barely present enough to say goodbye to his mother, too taken in by the letter that seems to be getting heavier with every second. He wants to open it and read what his father had to tell him, but he’s afraid. He has no doubt his father will have written about the wonderful girl he’s found, and while he can’t fault his father for that it’ll hurt. He never got to tell his father about who he was. He’ll never know if his father would have accepted him. His mother and Bea may tell him often enough how much his father would have loved Alex; he’ll never truly know.
The letter goes back with him to New York, still sealed.
Alex finishes moving in with him and life is wonderful. He has his charity work and Alex has his classes. Every day he gets a little better at being a normal guy. He cooks, which mostly turns out edible these days, he cleans, he goes grocery shopping with Alex. He has his own set of keys, which he’ll never take for granted. The house he decorated for himself, slowly becomes theirs when Alex takes over most of his office with his law books. David’s delighted to have Alex at home too, mostly because Alex doesn’t listen to the recommended amount of daily treats the dog should have. They fall into a rhythm and Henry can almost ignore that small voice in the back of his head that reminds him of his father’s letter that’s hidden behind his collection of Oscar Wilde’s works.
Almost.
It’s a few months later, when Alex is visiting his mother, that Henry finally takes out the letter again. He’s happy with Alex and nothing his father has written down will change that. It’ll hurt to see his father mention a girl, but he wants to read his father’s words. He almost gets stuck again on seeing his name written in his father’s handwriting, but before he can talk himself out of it he breaks the wax seal. He opens the thick parchment envelope and pulls out the letter. With a loud thunk something falls out. A ring. His father’s ring.
This confuses Henry. They’d all tried looking for the ring after his father passed, but no one had been able to find it. They’d assumed it had gotten lost in the hospital, with all the nurses around to help bathe and dress him. But here it is, on the hardwood floors of his New York apartment. Henry picks it up and holds it in his hand. He remembers the golden band so well, inlaid with rubies to match his mother’s ring. Unlike his mother’s ring it wasn’t part of the crown jewels, which was why his grandmother hadn’t thrown a fuss when it got lost. Desperate to find out why it’s here, Henry reads the letter.
My dear Henry,
I hate to think of you when you’ll read this letter, as it means I’ll no longer be in your life. I can no longer avoid that subject, though. As I’m nearing the end of my life I realised there’s things I want to tell you and your siblings. I’ve written letter for Bea and Philip already, but I struggle with yours.
Struggle is perhaps the wrong word here. I know what I want to write, but I’m afraid I’ve come to the wrong conclusions. I’ve felt you were different from your siblings. You had a harder time fitting into this world and as much as I’ve tried to change our life to fit you, I’m afraid there’s only so much I can do. I can only hope your mother will continue to fight for your happiness and your grandmother won’t put a stop to that.
If I am wrong about this, I apologise immensely. I asked your mother to give you this letter when you are in a serious relationship where marriage is a very real possibility. I believe this relationship will be with a man. Again, I apologise if I’m wrong.
Henry feels like his heart stops beating. His father knew. He’s going to know for sure what his father thought about his sexuality. It’s absolutely terrifying, but he can’t back down now.
The first thing you should know is that I love you with my whole heart. I do not care about the gender of your future spouse, or even if you’ll have one. All I care about is that you spend your life surrounded by people who love you. My son, you are so precious to me and you deserve to feel loved. I hope you found that in your relationship.
I will seal my ring in the envelope with this letter, it is yours to do with as you please. You may give it back to your mother, you may keep it somewhere safe, you may wear it yourself, but I would feel incredibly honoured if you would give it to the man you choose to spend your life with. It pains me to admit that I will not be there for you on your special day, but I hope this way I can play a small part in it. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know, please don’t let anyone take that away from you. I know you’ll find someone worthy of you. I hope he’ll be able to stand up to your grandmother, because you deserve to have someone fight for you.
I wish your path in life could be easy. I wish your love could be easy. I wish I could fight all who stand in your way of happiness. Since I cannot be there for you much longer, I instead wish for you to find a man who’ll do what I can’t for you.
I hope he’s handsome and a bit of a rebel. I hope he pushes your buttons in all the right ways and helps you grow into the confident man I know you are deep inside. I hope he listens to your poetry. I hope you still write! Don’t give up on that, it is a special thing to create art. Even if you never share it, never stop writing.
You bring so much to this world, my dear boy. Even if the world tries to bring you down, always remember that the world is richer for having you in it. I have no doubt you will leave your mark on history and make the future a better place for kids like you.
Remember that I am proud of you, now and always. You deserve to be safe and loved. You deserve to fight for that.
You will be here soon to visit me and I will tell you this in person as well. I hope you haven’t forgotten, but if you have read those words again. I am sorry that I am not there for you anymore, but I will always be watching over you.
I love you with all my heart. Stay strong.
Love,
Your father.
P.s. If I am wrong and you are with a wonderful woman, apologies once more. I wish you two all the best as well, of course.
Henry’s thankful he waited for Alex to be gone to read this letter, because he’s been crying for the entire thing. The letter is more than he ever dared to hope for. His father loves and supports him. His father loves him, even knowing he’s gay.
It must have been scary for the man to take such a risk to go all in on Henry being gay. The thought of him reading this letter while being straight gets a chuckle out of him. That would have been very awkward.
He’s so thankful for the chance his dad took, though. This is what he needed to hear. Decisions he’s been thinking about for a while suddenly don’t seem so difficult to make. He looks down at the ring and he knows; it’ll look perfect on Alex’ hand.