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I sat on the shelves of the downtown toy store, waiting to be picked up and bought. Me and the other dolls were constantly swapping stories about what our kids would be like. All we really knew about kids and playtime came from the books the store sold, but it sounded like the best thing ever! One day, a dark-haired girl with a pink butterfly shirt came in to buy a toy. She came in alone, which I found unusual. Didn’t kids usually come with a parent? She scanned the shelf of dolls before her eyes finally landed on me. Me! She brought me to the register, paid, and then started walking home. “Hello”, she said. “My name’s Hannah. What’s yours? I know what it should be! Janie!” Janie. My name. I liked that.
It looked like it was starting to get dark as we walked home. When we approached, Hannah carried me to the dinner table and began to eat. Even while eating, she kept a tight grasp on me, as if she was afraid she would drop me. Normal kid behavior, right? Right? I mean, kids always love their new toys. That’s what I heard from the toy store toys. That must be it. Dinner was silent. Eventually, Hannah put her plate in the sink and washed it. Weird. I didn’t think kids did their own dishes. Finally she dried her hands and grabbed me. We could finally play! Yay!
Suddenly, we both heard the front door open and the dog started barking. Someone came into the room. A dark haired boy with a skull t-shirt. I think it was Hannah’s older brother? “Hannah! Hey! Hannah”, he shouted. “What?”, she answered in an annoyed tone, like she was just tired of him. “Did I get my package in the mail?”, he asked. Hannah said she didn’t know while tracing her finger across my face. “What do you mean you don’t know!” “I don’t know!”, Hannah shouted. “Oh no Hannah!”, the boy cried out. “What?” “Look, Janie!” Then he grabbed me. Roughly. I hated it. “Hey!”, Hannah screamed. Screamed. We were not playing.
“She’s sick!” “No she’s not!” I was rushed upstairs in the hands of the boy, with Hannah close behind. “Give her back!”, Hannah shouted. “Sid! Sid!” So his name was Sid. Sid ran into his room and slammed the door. The first thing I noticed about the room was how dark it was. The second thing was how macabre it was. He took me over to his desk and turned the light on. He put me in a strange contraption I don’t know the name of. “Patient is prepped. No one’s ever attempted a double bypass brain surgery before”, he said, and put on a fake medical mask. He grabbed something from a nearby bin. “Now for the tricky part.”
Suddenly there was a searing pain in my neck. My head was looking up at my body. Or was my body looking down at my head? I didn’t even know where “I” was. This sick freak taped a pterodactyl head to the wound. “Doctor, you’ve done it!” He took “me” to the door. Was this me? “Hey Hannah” Sid shoved me(?) in her face. “Janie’s all better now.” Hannah screamed. The sound seemed to reverberate through the walls. I hated it. She’s my kid. I shouldn’t be making her scream. Hannah called for mom, and Sid tossed me aside and went to argue his case. What would happen to me now?
Other toys started to swarm me. Creepy ones. Indescribably creepy ones. I tried to move. Inch myself away with my… wings? No. I don’t have wings. Do I? What am I? They dragged my parts and the pterodactyl’s under the bed. I was scared they would eat us. Instead, they pulled out a roll of duct tape. The spider baby used its claw to cut lengths of tape, and we were taped back together. My head. My body. Back together. I should feel happy. I should feel grateful. But I just feel weary. Is this my life now? Cursed to live hiding under this bed, wondering when something worse will be done to me? My neck still hurts. And the tape itches. I start picking at it.
Don’t do that. You’ll just make it worse. I hear this voice in my head. I freak out. If the operation hadn’t taken away my voice, I would have screamed. Sorry, the voice replies. It’s okay, I respond. Wait, I can respond now? What’s wrong? The pterodactyl toy waves his wing at me. That’s you? I’m confused. Yeah. I don’t get it. But this place is six impossible things before breakfast. Huh? Haven’t you ever read Lewis Carroll?I ask, Who? Sorry. I’m a nerd. Sid got me from a yard sale. My old kid was really into the classics. What I mean is, this kid makes the impossible possible. And not in a good way. Forget everything you think you know about how toys work. I don’t know why we can mentally communicate now. Maybe because we used to be one toy. I know you probably think it’s creepy. I’ll stop now. The pterodactyl inches away, trying not to meet my gaze. He’s right. It’s creepy. I mean, what even are we? More than one toy. But certainly less than two. That’s freaky. I bury my head in my hands. Why did this have to happen to me?
The pterodactyl tries not to interact with me much. Maybe he’s as freaked out as I am about the connection. But since he’s the only person I can really talk to, I don’t have much choice. I learn that his name is literally just Pterodactyl (uncreative, I know) and that he likes classic literature, cooking magazines, and playing outside. I tell him about my time at the toy store, about how excited I was to finally be chosen. It feels good to share with someone. Even if the means of sharing is unsettling.
The mutated toys are coming out from their hiding spots now. There must be another broken toy that needs fixing. I peek out, and I’m right. An astronaut toy is lying on the floor, missing his arm. I know Sid’s toys can set it right, if they can get the arm at all. There’s another toy, a cowboy, fighting them. He’s trying to get the arm back, and clearly thinks Sid’s toys are dangerous. I send a message to Pterodactyl, We should help, and we step out from under the bed. The astronaut is fixed now, and the cowboy seems to have calmed down. But then Sid enters the room, and we all rush to our hiding spaces.
I want to plug my ears. I do. My head is so loud. I still hear snippets of what happened. Sid’s rocket came. Who is going to die? Why am I stuck in this stupid stupid room?! Pterodactyl puts his wing on my shoulder. It’s okay. You’ll be fine., I hear. I hug him, and he hugs me back. We eventually learn it was the astronaut toy we just fixed. It’s sad. But what can we do? I couldn’t do anything when I was hurt. I run my fingers across my tape to remind me of this. So how could I do anything now? We’re just toys.
That night, I can’t sleep. Then I remember how Pterodactyl nerds out over old books. I ask, Can you tell me a story?. He quickly obliges, and starts telling me about the Jabberwocky who was slayed by the Vorpal Sword. The story is nonsense. But that’s what makes it so easy to escape into. After that’s done, I ask for more. And more. Until I finally fall asleep. You know, it can be kind of nice to have someone in your head.
I’m woken by the sound of Sid excitedly running out of his room, ready to be a little pyromaniac. I groan. My neck is healing up well, and I can make sounds and words now. I peek out from under the bed and see the other toy, the cowboy. He’s talking to himself. “Okay, what do I do? Think, Woody, think!” Then he turns to look at us. “Guys!” Everyone scatters. Woody pleads, “ No, no, no! Wait! Wait! Listen! Please! There's a good toy down there and he's… he's going to be blown to bits in a few minutes all because of me. I've gotta save him! But I need your help.”
I’m intrigued now. But how would we do this. The toy continues. “ Please. He's my friend. He's the only one I've got.” Babyface comes out and calls us all to action (I know a little Morse code from my time here). We get together, and start planning. We know toys aren’t supposed to move in front of others. But aren’t rules made to be broken?
The plan works perfectly. He’s terrified. I did my best. I tried to move like a zombie, and I said “Mama, mama” creepily. The whole scene was kind of awesome. All the toys coming together to help another toy, a toy most of us didn’t even know. After we scared Sid and Woody and his friend left to find their kid, Pterodactyl told me I should get back to mine. You’re Hannah’s toy. I’m not. You should go find her. She wants you.
I lay on the kitchen floor, where Hannah will find me. She grabs me and takes me to her room, where we play tea party. During the tea party, I meet Hannah’s other toys. Two headless dolls named Izzy and Ava, Teddy, a headless stuffed bear, and Sally, the new doll. After we play tea party, we play surprise party, dance party, and so much more. Hannah is the best.
I know I said Hannah is the best. She’s certainly a better toy owner than Sid. But things are off about her just the same. With Sid, the offness is plastered all over the walls, plain for everyone to see. With Hannah, it’s much more subtle. Sid’s room was all dark corners and shadows. Hannah’s room is always bright, even at night (she has a very bright night light). Sid’s room is so unbelievably messy. Hannah’s room is scarily organized for someone her age, like she’s trying to carve out order from chaos. Sid doesn’t play with toys, or what counts as play for him is just destruction. Hannah plays almost obsessively, like she’s trying to escape from reality and enter the world of her play. I’m trying to understand why.
Now I understand. And it makes me want to cry. If I was flesh and not cloth, I would cry. Hannah was playing with us when we heard yelling. Slurred yelling. Hannah turned white. I heard Sid run up to his room. Heard the click of five locks. Five. I guess I had seen that when I was in his room. But the significance hadn’t occurred to me. Oh my gosh. What happens to that poor boy? The yelling turned into insults. Towards Sid and Hannah. I won’t repeat them. I heard Hannah’s stomach growl. But I also knew she didn’t dare leave her room to go get a snack. Instead, she played with her toys. But she was constantly clenching her fists and looking nervously at the door. That night I heard her crying herself to sleep.
We had to do something. And I knew what. I sent a message to Pterodactyl. We need to do The Plan again. I’ll get Hannah’s toys on board. Can you get Sid’s on board? He answered almost immediately. I agree. I’ll try. I went to go talk to Izzy, who was the official leader of Hannah’s toys. I’m honestly not sure how she can hear me, being headless, but she clearly could. I explained that I just couldn’t watch Hannah like this. I couldn’t watch her suffer. We would end up breaking rules, but this was the only way. Izzy thought for a bit. Then she gave me a thumbs up, and went to go gather Hannah’s other toys.
I learned from Pterodactyl that Sid’s toys had agreed as well. Now that they didn’t need to be constantly concerned for their own safety, they could be considered for their kid’s safety. And Sid was their kid, no matter how poorly he had treated them. Me and Pterodactyl planned the attack, working together in each other’s minds. Constantly communicating, adding to each other’s ideas seamlessly. More than one mind. Less than two. It wasn’t creepy anymore, far from it. It was… I don’t know. There was something between us. But we would have more time to figure it out after we stopped our kids’ abuse.
One day while Mr. Phillips was watching T.V, we crept into the living room and swarmed the couch. He screamed. I went right up to him and said, “Sid and Hannah are ours. Not yours. Ours. And you can’t continue to treat them like this. Never again.” He jumped up, staring at all the toys around him. I continued. “Now throw your beer away. Do it. Now.” The other toys continued to get closer. Mr. Phillips ran into the garage, grabbed his cases of beer and threw it in the trash can. The garbage truck would come to take it away. Then he ran up to his bedroom, utterly freaked out.
Hearing the commotion, Sid and Hannah came to see what was going on. When Sid saw the scattered toys and saw his dad running into his bedroom, he knew exactly what had happened. Hannah didn’t quite understand, but she knew that her dad was scared, scared to the point where he might never hurt them again. She picked up her toys, then saw Sid’s. “Want to play tea party with me Sid?” Sid used to be terrified of his toys, after The Incident. But now they had helped him. So he picked up Pterodactyl and had him join the tea party.
After playing together for a bit, Sid and Hannah ran off to get snacks. Pterodactyl hugged me and exclaimed, “We did it!” I hugged him back. Then I was kissing him and he was kissing me and the whole world felt like fireworks. We had helped our kids. But also, I was in love. As Pterodactyl held me in his arms, I could think of no place I’d rather be.