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It was a totally normal day for Mc.
Well, if you didn’t consider the absolute agony they were in at the moment.
This had gone on for too long, Audrey had promised them ‘Lettuce’ long ago, but they never got any. Every day it felt like they were in total and absolute agony, and they wanted nothing more to shrivel up into nothing and vanish from the face of the earth. Every cell in their body was screaming, and they wanted nothing more to tear their skin off, if they didn’t have their promised ‘Lettuce.’
So, it was a totally normal day for Mc on the surface. But underneath, they had a plan to get their ‘Lettuce’ for once and for all.
.
.
.
Audrey waved to them as they entered the classroom, and they walked to their seat and set their bag down before walking over to their friend.
“Hey kid,” They said in a deeper voice, as always, smirking as they leaned on Audrey’s desk, “You got the lettuce?”
As always, Audrey responded, in a similarly lower voice, “Yeah.”
But as always, Audrey didn’t give them any lettuce, thinking it was a joke. But little did Audrey know, that no, it was not a joke.
Mc, using the force of a thousand suns they had eaten for breakfast, grabbed Audrey by the collar of their hoodie and lifted them up, “Give me my lettuce,” They growled, eyes turning white as they used their magic cat-wolf-uwu powers.
Audrey, eyes wide, studdered for a moment, “W-Wha-What aer you doing?! L-let me go!” (HUDUHDYWYHD They got so scared they misspelled ‘are’ when they spoke.)
“You heard me!” Mc snarled, “GIVE ME MY LETTUCE! THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH!”
Audrey trembled as they fumbled in their hoodie pockets for a map, and shoved it into Mc’s hands, “H-here,” They begged, “Take this! I-it’ll tell you where to go! J-just don’t hurt me.” They lifted their arms above their head to protect themselves.
Mc’s eyes stopped glowing and they grinned, “Aight, thanks Alpha Bad Boy Hommie, see you later.” They then used their magic cat-wolf-uwu powers to teleport away.
.
.
.
After following the map for a while, they ended up in a magical place called E-Bay. They walked past countless stalls of people selling things before they found what they had been looking for. For context, they needed some Gamer Girl Bathwater to unlock the lettuce from Drake the Baddie, and so they slid up to the stall, grinning at the emo boy behind it.
“Hey kid,” They smirked, “I’m lookin’ to buy some GGB, how much is it?”
The boy blinked, leaning forward, “Well, what are ya willing to pay?”
“I’ll write you a self-insert Draco Malfoy fanfic.”
“Deal.”
He handed over the GGB, and said, “Here, ya go, Some Gamer Girl Bathwater, except I’m not a girl, I’m not a gamer, and that’s not bathwater.”
Mc grinned, handing over their AO3 user before they teleported away.
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.
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Mc stood infront of a massive volcano. A normal human would’ve died from the heat, but not them. They activated their cat-wolf-uwu powers and walked into the cavern that stuck out from the side of the fiery mountain. They walked for a while, before pausing infront of a huge lava throne room. There sat Drake The Baddie in his lava throne, molten horns glowing on his head as his black silken cape blew in the warm wind. At the moment, he was making out with Drew, and Mc cleared their throat.
“I’ve come for the lettuce.” They said, tilting their chin up.
Drake and Drew stared at them for a moment before bursting into laugher, “The lettuce?” Drake The Baddie wheezed, whipping a tear from his eye, “And what could you possibly have that would make me hand it over?”
Mc pulled out the vile of GGB, and Drake and Drew both stiffened, “I have some Gamer Girl Bathwater, except I’m not a girl or a gamer, and this isn’t bathwater.”
“Give that to me right now,” Drake snarled, “And you’ll leave alive.”
Mc shook the vial tauntingly, “Nope, I came here for one thing, and one thing only.”
Drew, who was still sitting on Drake’s lap, tugged on his silken cape, “Babe,” He begged, “I- We need this. You can’t just- just reject them!’
Drake huffed, staring down at his omega before he glanced back at Mc, and then back and Drew, and then back at Mc.
“Babe,” Drew begged once more, voice dropping, “Please~”
“Give it to me!” Drake suddenly snarled, fumbling in his silken pockets for the lettuce. He tossed it carelessly to Mc, who tossed the vile of GGB to Drake, who caught it, screwed off the lid, and dumped it all over both him and Drew.
Mc teleported away happily.
.
.
.
For the rest of their life, Mc would know where to get their lettuce, and would never have to fight with Audrey Alpha Bad Boy Hommie ever again.
The End