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“SHIT JAY THE CAPE!?” is all the warning Tim gets before he gets bowled over. Fuck. Ow. Everything hurts. He goes to move to find himself pinned down by something heavy. Jesus, did these assholes knock the chair on me?
Finally, Tim managed to wiggle himself out of the tangle of limbs to find that yes. They had knocked the chair on top of him. My back is gonna be sore for at least a week now.
“Ow, those are my ribs Dickface quit it.” Jason had managed to wrangle himself out of the black… thing that they had all gotten caught in. Tim still wasn’t too sure what the hell it was. Jason was sitting up and glaring at a mass that was still struggling to get out. Wait… he doesn’t have his domino on. Fuck, Superman, Wonder Woman, Lantern, Flash, Arrow, and Aquaman, can all see him… Shit. Bruce. Tim crawls over to where Dick was still struggling under what seemed to be Batman’s cape. He flops down onto Dick keeping him from crawling out of the cape. One bird down, one to go.
“What the hell Replacement,” Jason grumbles as Tim tries to push him out of the Camera’s frame.
“You don’t have your domino on.” Tim hisses as he forces Jason down.
“So what!?! Is that a rule now? Dominos on in the cave at all times?” Jason goes to squish him. Ow. Fuck. My back.
“Would you two get OFF of me!” A threatening growl has both of them springing up. Shit. Bruce. They both exchange looks of panic. Wait a sec… Bruce is at the watchtower…. Jason realizes it a split second after Tim when the figure stands up. Jason’s face immediately turns into a frown.
“What the fuck was that?” He demands,
“What was what?” Holy Shit, he sounds exactly like Bruce. This is creepy.
The cape pooled around Dick hiding his figure, all they could see was his face. He was smirking. Smug bastard.
“That imitation, how the hell can you do that?” Jason snaps,
“What imitation?” Dick smiles good-naturedly at them, switching back to his normal voice with terrifying ease. Ooookaaaayyyy…. Impressive…. Who am I kidding it’s Dick Grayson. He’s always impressive.
“Don’t give me shit you know what I-.”
“Enough Hood.” Jason snaps his mouth shut. “ You're such a suck-up Replacement” Red Hood once said…. Now look who’s the suck-up…. Tim smirks. “You should know by now how emotionally constipated I am.” Oh. My. God. Tim starts to laugh at the absurdness of it. He had never loved his oldest brother more than he did at this moment.
“And You.” Dick twirls the cape around. Oh my god, he can pull off Bruce’s mannerisms better than Damien. Lately, the Demon Brat had been showing signs of whose blood son he really was, and it was creeping the rest of them out. No one said anything about it but they all agreed that the world did not need 2 versions of Bruce. Tim knows it’s Dick, he can see his face, yet Tim still feels the subconscious need to stand straighter. Jason sees it and starts snickering. “Red Robin. Did you finish those 20 reports I asked you to file because I can’t do shit on my own and need a secretary to do it for me?” Tim blanches while Jason starts howling in laughter.
“He’s a fucking secretary.” Jason wheezes as he hunches over, face red from laughing. Even Dick had dropped the neutral expression and was grinning wolfishly.
“Hood. What did I tell you about laughing? Being a vigilante involves acting like you have a stick up your ass at all times.” The growl in Dick’s voice goes away at the end as Tim starts to laugh. Bruce would definitely break his no-killing rule if he saw this.
“My god wait. If Replacement is the secretary what about the rest of us? Since I’m obviously the Hitman and Dickwing here is the Right Hand. Is the Demon Spawn the bratty waterboy?” Tim starts wheezing as Dick’s face breaks into a broad grin. He had schooled it back into something painfully Bruce, but now he was chuckling. I knew it. Even Dick dislikes the brat!! Tim would have responded if he wasn’t too busy laughing. God, he loves his brothers.
“Are you talking about my biological son that only happened because I got roofied at a bar like a 2-bit thug?” Dick was still grinning like a maniac. Considering he was imitating Batman it should have been weird… but it wasn’t. He’s Nightwing. The 1st Robin. Of course, he can somehow growl and grin at the same time.
“Fucking Lord Goldie, shut up. It’s like you’re trying to kill me all..over again..” Jason wheezes out from his spot on the floor. When the hell did he end up on the floor? Soon both of their chuckles die down. Dick grunts and gives them both the most unimpressed look he can muster without laughing. He looks like a mini Bruce. Dick manages to hold the glare for a couple of seconds until he twirls the cape around again.
“I’ll see you for dinner after I finish brooding for the next 2 hours in my study.”
There’s a beat of silence and Dick makes it exactly ½ a step away from them until all of them lose it. Tim could feel his sides aching from laughing so hard. But he couldn’t care less.
“Personal Secretary” Jason wheezes out. Curled up in an infantile position on the floor.
“Roofied like a 2-bit thug,” Tim says, through giggles. He goes to wipe the tears from his eyes. Why do I have my domino on?
“A bratty waterboy.” Dick’s laughter barely allows him to talk, let alone imitate the Dark Knight’s growl. He was clutching his sides and falling to the floor like Jason had at some point. Soon their laughter dies down and they all stay in silence for a little bit. Tim vaguely realizes that he was on the floor too. "
"Cave turn lights to 5," Jason calls,
"Nooo I'm allergic to the sun! How will I prowl around in the basement if there's light?" Dick gives one last weak attempt at the growl before losing his composure. Jason starts laughing all over again.
"Hold on, wasn't that one of the first things Lantern used to insult B when they first met?" Tim asks, thinking back.
"Yeah, it was." Dick grins, from where he was now sitting up, on the floor. Jason was still laying down trying to catch his breath."
"Hold on… that was… 15ish… years ago… were you there then?" Tim asks, curiosity spiked. Jason's laughs had quieted down and he was listening intently to the conversation from where he had turned over and flopped onto his stomach. “Your such a fan-boy Replacement” Red Hood once said. Fucking hypocrite.
"Well… kinda. I was benched from a broken ankle or something and B had told me to not go anywhere near apocalyptic things." Dick responds,
"Now look at you… on one of the first response teams during an apocalypse." Jason coos, Dick hits him in the back.
"Basically I heard them over comms and then asked B when he was gonna fuck Lantern when he got back to the cave." Dick snickers, Tim and Jason stare at him. Once the shock wears off, and they comprehend what the fuck he just said, they break into hysterics.
"WHAT WAS I SAYING!?! FUCKING FAVORITE CHILD!?" Jason yells at the same time as Tim screams.
"WEREN'T YOU LIKE FUCKING 8?!"
Dick watches as they both dissolve into what must be incoherent laughter. If Bruce were here he would bench all of us. How the hell has Dick not been drop-kicked off of a roof yet? Soon both Jason and Tim managed to compose themselves.
“Hey, Timmers… why are you wearing your domino? We don’t have patrol for a couple of hours.” Jason finally breaks the silence. Why was he wearing his domino? Tim racks his brain. Red Robin needed to talk to.. Somebody…. Batman’s orders… a report No...Presentation…
Jason seems to figure it out before the panic hits Tim in full force. The Justice League Meeting.
“WHAT THE FUCK REPLACEMENT!?” Jason screams, in any other instance Tim would have laughed at the look of sheer panic on his face (Probably because his reputation is now in tatters) but he was too busy freaking out to laugh. All 3 former Robins scramble up from their positions on the floor. “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING!?”
“LIKE I COULD!? YOU BOTH JUST CRASHED INTO ME!?” Tim roars back,
“WELL, YOU COULD HAVE WARNED US NOT TO COME DOWN!”
“I DID YESTERDAY IF YOU HAD ACTUALLY LISTENED-”
“I WAS LISTENING, LAST I CHECKED YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GO IN PERSON!?”
“WELL, ASSHAT THAT CHANGED-”
“ENOUGH!” The yell silences both Jason and Tim, they both simultaneously turn to face Dick. Dick stares at them and weakly shakes his head, his face screaming at them to turn back around. Fuck… that wasn’t Dick who yelled….
Tim swallows down his panic as he and Jason slowly turn around to face the monitor. This is soooo embarrassing…. The silence stretches on for what seems like an eternity. Everyone seems to have varying levels of horrified and amused expressions on their faces. Bruce looked like he was seconds away from either laughing or crying.
“You're obviously Red Hood… but who’s the black cape?” Green Arrow breaks the silence. Tim looks between Dick and Bruce. This will either end with a screaming match and Dick storming off, or a confession and Dick staying the night…
“I’m Vengence.” Dick walks up to Jason’s right and grins throwing the cape around himself with a flourish. Jason snorts in the face of his older brother’s antics. How can Dick be so nonchalant about this? Bruce is gonna be ballistic. All of the senior heroes stare at them.
“Come on Goldie. Let’s get out of here before you give them more heart attacks with your Batman impression… and before Vengence comes to hunt us down.” Jason snarks out the old name Bruce wanted to go by, he grabs Dick by the wrist and starts dragging him back upstairs.
“Nah... The Dark Knight won’t hunt us down. It’ll cut into his brooding time.” Jason rolls his eyes but the way his lips quirk up shows his amusement at Dick’s quips.
“Timbo when you're done we have a movie and popcorn upstairs. If you don’t hurry up we’re starting without you.” Jason calls over his shoulder.
Bruce is gonna be pissed. Yet somehow Tim doesn’t care about that. Older siblings rock. Tim thinks before he cuts the call and runs upstairs.