Chapter Text
It's cold out here, the night is closing in
Getting colder out here, the lights are growing dim.
Sky so dark and so cold, way above my head
Looks close enough to touch, but far away instead.
Freezing anything and everything, coat pulled around me colder
Sitting here in the unknown, I swear I feel much older.
Isolation here in the midst of all I see
No-one notices anymore, they just pass by me.
A friendly face in the middle of it all
That's all I need to pull me up - I'm gonna fall.
*
"Can you spare any change?"
She might as well not have spoken. So many different types of footwear passed in front of her face, from so many different walks of life; yet none so much as paused at her words. The dwindling crowds united in their singular focus of getting home before snow claimed the streets.
Lifting her face to the skies, a frown formed at the heavy grey clouds that blanketed the world, at the tiny flakes beginning to flutter softly down around her. Flakes that could have been pretty under any other circumstance, but not as their cold wetness began to seep through her clothes.
Clutching the thin jacket tighter she huddled against the pavement, thin arms wrapping tight around bent legs in a futile attempt to keep warm. A despondent weariness settled deep into her skin, her bones, working its way through her until it felt like it was all she'd ever known, but it couldn't be. Even though she had no memories before arriving in town it had to have been different before. She knew it like she knew her name, like she knew there was someone she was supposed to find, that time was running out.
Not for the first time she wondered if there was anyone looking for her? She had glimpses sometimes, people whose faces she could never make out, laughter, fear, friendship, a sense of belonging. Other times she felt strong arms wrap around her, folding her in their warmth, where she felt safe and protected. Cradling her as though they were the only two people in the world.
She tugged at wool threads escaping from the tips of fingerless gloves. Maybe it was nothing but a wishful dream. Maybe there had never been anyone. Even if she was supposed to find them, she had no idea where to start looking.
Days had long since blurred into weeks until she no longer saw any reason to count them and she stopped questioning things she couldn't remember. All that existed was today. All that would ever exist was one single day repeating the same questions. Would anyone stop? Would there be anything to eat?
She came to dread the flickering images, they made her long for something she couldn't have and she was tired of always being alone when they ended. Closing her eyes she felt a familiar sense of longing and loss swept through her, wanting desperately to be able to lean back into the embrace, for it to be real. She forced her eyes open with a small bitter laugh. It always faded, no one was ever there no matter how hard she tried to hold on to the feeling.
It was almost too much effort to try asking again, knowing how rarely anyone seemed to hear, but she felt an increasing urgency to try one last time.
"Can anyone spare any change?"
A pair of combat boots passed, continuing their way along the street and Jay dropped her head against her knees, wondering not for the first time, if she had any chance of surviving this weather.
"Jay…?"
Startled from her thoughts she peered up through strands of unwashed blond hair that escaped her baseball cap. Strange. It almost sounded like someone said her name.
The boots had stopped just at the edge of her vision, facing her as though their owner had turned back at the last moment. She lifted her eyes; tracing a path up from the boots, over worn black jeans and a dark plain looking hoodie topped with an unfastened green jacket. Wide cerulean eyes stared back from a pale face framed with long brown strands that whipped about in the wind. What could have been an intentional beard or a couple of days of unshaved stubble scattered across his jawline.
Those unreadable eyes fixed onto hers, as though for a brief moment in time they were the only people in the world; leaving her unable to look away and only releasing her when he finally spoke.
"It's cold.. D'ya… want some coffee?"
Jay gave a silent nod, frowning as she tried to shake the feeling of deja vu that washed over her as she made a weak attempt to stand. Stumbling on muscles seized from inactivity she threw an arm out wildly towards the wall for support.
"I got ya" firm hands gripped her arms in a surprisingly gentle grasp as he held her upright, patiently waiting for her to steady herself. Heat flushed across her cheeks, as she ordered her legs to behave and actually do their job and support her.
"Thanks" The words felt strange. "I'm good now."
He took a step back, eyes flicking over her almost critically. Clearly he didn't think she was good, though he chose to keep that opinion unspoken. A flash of irritation surged through her, then she remembered this stranger was offering her the only warm thing she'd had all day, and the irritation faded in place of something more akin to shame.
Tugging uselessly at the threadbare jacket, she stiffened as a shiver tore through her, the cold biting deeper with the absence of his hands and their unexpected warmth. The stranger let out an exasperated sigh, stepping close again and she felt something settle round her shoulders, warming and creating a barrier between her now damp clothing and the wind. Too thankful to be more than momentarily puzzled, she peered at him from under the peak of her hat, frowning when she saw he was no longer wearing his jacket.
"Why ..?"
"You really gonna ask that? Princ…" He broke off, mouth twisting in a pained grimace. "Let's just say you look like ya need it more'n me right now." He half reached forwards as though he wanted to take her arm again but instead jammed his hands deep into his pockets, taking a hesitant step back, far enough to give her space, but close enough to be able to grab her if she fell. "C'mon. let's get that coffee."
He led her past a couple of brightly lit storefronts until they reached a coffee shop that opened late. Stepping through the door they were enfolded in a cheery warmth, condensation blanketing the windows and the distinct aroma of ground coffee filling them as they inhaled deep breaths.
At the counter he flashed her a questioning look and she shrugged her response, an awkward unease filling her. How often did he think she ordered from places like this? Unperturbed he gave a wry smile ordering for both of them and pointing out a couple of pasties seemingly at random. Once they had their order they settled into a window booth.
*
Jake was having a major crisis. One he was desperately trying to keep hidden. Every fibre of his being cried out to throw his arms round the half starved girl sat across from him. However... and it was a pretty damn big however… She didn't seem to have a clue who he was. With a harsh twist of his mouth he forced himself to admit there was no way she could actually be who he hoped.
He didn't take his eyes from the girl that couldn't possibly be Jay as she devoured a cheap pasty, eating as though it was the best meal she'd had. It hurt to see how thin she looked. How frail, how beaten. Hardly anything like the daring girl he'd fallen in love with on a summer island. With hands clenched under the table, he fought back the almost unbearable urge to reach out and brush the strands of hair back from her face.
"D'ya want anything else?"
He watched the need to question vie with hunger across her face. Hunger obviously won, though she dropped her gaze to the table, unable to meet his eyes. Jake unfolded a note from his wallet, trying not to sigh as he pushed it across the table at her.
"Go get whatever ya want"
The note was gone almost before he blinked, crumpled up in threadbare wool covered fingers. There was no mistaking the suspicion in her pale eyes now.
"What if I run?" She almost looked like she might run. She definitely looked as though she'd considered it.
"Then what have I lost?" He smirked, a faint imitation of an expression that had once been almost a trademark look.
A frown crossed her face as she focused on the note in her hand. "Um…. your jacket?" The side of her mouth edged up in what could have been an attempt at a smile and his heart wrenched, trying not to imagine her back out on the streets if she did run.
"I think I'll risk it."
He couldn't take his eyes from her as she queued and came back with a couple more pasties, jacket pockets visibly bulging with other things she could eat later. She paused at the edge of the table, weight shifting from one foot to the other as she reached a decision, shoving her hand out before she could change her mind.
"Your change"
Unclenching his fingers he reached his hand above the table and closed it easily around hers. He'd almost forgotten how small her hands had always felt in his.
"Keep it" He muttered. His eyes not quite meeting hers as he wondered what other things he might have forgotten. The thought that he could forget anything about her sending a sharp stab through his heart.
She observed him a little more critically as she slid back into the booth opposite, more confident now hunger no longer gnawed at her. "You're strange"
Jake almost spat out the mouthful of coffee he'd just taken, managing an awkward half cough as she turned a familiar expression on him, "You have no idea…"
"You realise that's just proving my point?" her mouth twitched again, unable to hide her amusement at the response.
Instead of replying he took a sip of his coffee, raising an eyebrow at her as he drank, the smirk threatening to reappear. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes as she devoured the second pasty.
"So... what do you want?"
"Hmmm?"
"Don't just Hmmm. You could have thrown that note at me in the street and walked past, gone about the rest of your day, but you didn't…" she frowned, less sure of herself as her words trailed off.
"If I had? Would you have eaten inside where it's warm? Or would you have stayed out there til everythin' was closed and you froze?"
She had to admit he had a point.
"Look. I've been there alright?" He wasn't sure he'd ever made that clear to Jay in so many words. She knew he'd been on the run for three years, but not the amount of times he'd gone hungry or had to beg for a meal. Those were usually the sort of details he glossed over.
He went to take another mouthful of coffee realising as the cup reached his mouth that it was empty. Unwilling to leave her but not sure what else to do, he stood and gestured towards the counter.
"I'm gonna get another coffee. You want one? You gonna be here when I get back?"
"Please, yeah" There was less hesitation in her voice this time and she settled back into the cushioning to wait as he queued. It was certainly a lot more comfortable here than the pavement. Snuggling back into her loaned jacket she tried and failed to remember the last time she'd felt warm and full like this at the same time. Leaning her forehead forwards to rest against the window, she allowed herself to watch the snowfall and last minute shoppers hurrying by, able to appreciate the scene now she was seeing it from behind glass.
She was asleep when he got back to the table.
Jake put the cups down as quietly as possible and sat frowning at her "Can it really be you?" He mused. The longer he sat with her the more he was convinced, though he kept telling himself it was impossible. There was no way this girl could be his wife… his Princess, but the tiniest possibility kept him sitting there making sure no one disturbed her while she slept. If there was any chance, any at all, there was no way he could abandon her, especially not as she seemed to be living on the streets.
He leaned back, coffee in hand, watching as she slept. For the first time in over four years he felt truly content, happy even. Jeez... When was the last time he'd actually felt happy. Was it really the day after their wedding? That first morning when he woke in the arms of his wife and knew he could survive anything as long as she was beside his side. The day he'd thought things were finally turning out right, but that ended worse than any of his nightmares.
It grew late and still he watched her sleep. He drank two more coffees. The staff started to close the shop around them, the cashier apologetic when she came over to the table.
"Sorry sir, we're closing now." She smiled at him sadly, her glance taking in both of them.
"It's okay. Thanks for letting us stay, for letting her sleep" He nodded towards Jay and handed the woman a tip "I appreciate it"
"It's no problem love" she looked between the pair of them and gave another smile. "You can have a few more minutes, but I really have to lock up soon."
He thanked her again and looked back at the sleeping girl. Was this it? Was this where the magic faded and he went back home to his empty life? The thought left him fighting back tears and he gritted his teeth, swallowing hard against the unwanted emotion. He was really sick of crying.
When he was sure he had himself under control he reluctantly climbed from his side of the booth and moved to hers, placing a hand gently on her shoulder. The third time he'd touched her since he saw her. Not that he was counting. Not that he still ached to hold her and run fingers through her hair. To stroke his thumb across her cheek and watch her lean into him as she always had.
"Hey sleepy. We gotta leave, they're closin'."
When she didn't respond he shook her shoulder gently, stepping back as her eyes flew open in the immediate alertness of someone who'd been sleeping rough for a while. He raised his hands, palms open, while her eyes darted from side to side, assessing the room, before coming back to settle on his face.
"You."
He shrugged, a wry smile appearing. "Just me, but we gotta make a move. This place is closin'."
"I was asleep?" She blinked a couple of times, trying to focus now the adrenaline of being woken was fading "You waited?"
"You looked like ya needed it" He could make excuses that they wouldn't have let her sleep if she was alone, but he knew there was no way he could have left her today. Not when his first response to that question was, I'll always wait for you.
He held a hand out "C'mon."
She gave his outstretched hand a wary look, before slipping hers into it and allowing him to help her to her feet.
"Thanks again" he called towards the back of the shop as they made their way towards the door.
She wished she hadn't slept. She wished he hadn't let her. It had been the most normal she'd felt in far too long, and she'd wasted most of it sleeping. She huddled deeper into his jacket knowing she should offer it back, but reluctant to let go of her only layer of protection, and because it's his, a small voice whispered in the back of her mind. A voice she told to be quiet. Being warm was the priority. Survival. Not being sentimental for someone she'd never see again. Really she should run before he had a chance to ask for it back.
When they stepped outside it was dark and the snow had turned into a driving rain; newly gained warmth fading fast as the rain soaked them before they'd taken more than two steps from the door.
"Over there" Jake spotted a covered alcove and set off, pulling her along with him; their hands still linked as they ran.
He was laughing as they ducked inside, and when he reached to tuck a strand of hair out of her face she was almost sure he was going to kiss her. What surprised her most was the swirl of disappointment as he leaned away and rested back against the other wall.
"Well, that wasn't what I expected to walk out into..."
He was still smiling, laughter written across his face, along with something raw, wild and untamed. Something that pulled at her in ways she couldn't have imagined and couldn't explain.
"Somethin' tells me we ain't gonna be able to wait this one out."
Her face fell as unwelcome reality slammed back. He might be able to wait this out, she had to find somewhere safe to sleep. The doorway they were in might do as a temporary shelter. She'd slept a little, so she could probably stay awake and not be easy pickings in the early hours.
She'd been silent too long and he looked back at her, all trace of laughter vanishing as he took in her expression and the defeated set of her shoulders.
"Ah… yeah… right.." He took a deep breath "Where you stayin' tonight?"
The feeling of shame was back. She should leave, walk purposefully down the street, pretend she had some place to go… but she knew he'd know. Knew he'd see it for the lie of bravado it would be. Instead she stayed silent and focused on the floor. Feeling gentle fingers under her chin she turned her face back towards his, uncertain as he made eye contact.
"Not exactly a night for sleepin' under the stars Princess"
"Not exactly like I have much of a choice…" There was something on the tip of her tongue to call him, but her mind refused to provide the words.
"You… could always stay at mine"
Something like anger flashed across her eyes "I don't… I won't… I'm not…"
He'd known the moment the words were out of his mouth how they sounded. How they'd probably be taken - but he couldn't not offer. The thought of her spending the night out here in this was unbearable. So was thinking of her anywhere he wasn't if he was completely honest with himself.
"Easy... I'm not askin' anythin' of you. It's just somewhere you could be outta the way of this for a while" He gestured at what was quickly becoming a storm outside their doorway, his southern drawl becoming more pronounced as he floundered for words. "If ya want… No pressure .. no expectations, no nothin'."
When he looked back at her face there was a sceptical, guarded expression there.
"I know. I know how it sounds Princess. but I ain't ever gonna do anythin' ya not okay with."
"Princess…" She rolled her eyes before looking herself up and down. Battered holed trainers, threadbare soaked jeans, that stupid useless shirt, topped off with his jacket "Some freaking princess." She muttered…
That infuriating smirk was back on his face, tugging at her in ways it had no business doing. He reached his hand out to her again.
"D'ya trust me?"
She worried at her bottom lip. Do I trust him? I only just met him. There's no way I can trust him. She couldn't deny she'd felt safe around him though. Safe enough to actually sleep. Which was more telling than she'd like it to be.
"...A little."
She hadn't thought it possible for the smirk to get bigger, but apparently she'd been wrong. He gave her hand a light squeeze as she placed hers in his.
"Good enough" Casting his eyes up to the skies he grinned back at her again, "Ready to make a run fer it?"
She had little chance to do more than glance up too before he stepped back out, pulling her with him as they ran shrieking into the storm. Laughter bubbling up as he tugged her along behind him, his fingers soft as they wrapped round hers.
His car was parked a couple of streets away and they were both beyond soaked by the time they threw the doors open and dove inside. The sounds of rain bouncing on his roof and down the windshield as they slammed the doors closed behind them.
"I'm not sure your upholstery is going to forgive us for this"
He had that smile on his face again as he fumbled with the controls for the blower.
"Screw it"
A sharp bark of laughter escaped her. Survival had been her only priority for so long that it felt strange to be so blasé. Strange but somehow so natural as they sheltered together from the rain, the smile softening the lines of his face as he watched her with those hauntingly beautiful eyes.
"Yeah. screw it." She agreed, feeling her own smile stretch to match his.