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I didn’t realise it was a dream at first, but then, how often does anyone? I was exploring northwest of Shimmerene with Darien, following the road east above the falls, when a summer squall struck us. Through the sudden downpour, barely visible, was a bridge above the road, leading into the old Eldbur Ruins. We hurried to take shelter under the narrow span, pausing a moment to wipe water from our eyes, laughing in disbelief to find ourselves soaked through already.
I gestured towards the stairs leading up from the road to the ruins proper and at his nod, ran with Darien up the short flights to the terrace. There was an abandoned campfire in a ring of columns, but we continued past it to the overhang protecting the entrance instead. With any luck the wind wouldn’t shift, and we could safely wait out the storm.
Moving to the far corner where it was more sheltered, Darien quickly arranged some broken pieces of an old barrel and lit a fire to ward off the damp. I held my hands out to the flames to dry off, trying not to blush as Darien shed his armor then peeled off his soaked shirt, so slowly I just knew he was deliberately flaunting his muscles while lifting the clinging fabric over his head. I struggled to tear my gaze from his arms and shoulders flexing as he peeled them from the sleeves before turning to lay the wet garment against the rocky base of a nearby pillar, but only succeeded in blushing furiously.
Before he could catch me, I turned away to break off a few extra pieces of the damaged barrel, more as an excuse to hide my flaming cheeks than any need for more fire. Once I had readied a small pile of fuel, all the while taking deep, calming breaths, I looked up to find Darien rifling through the pack he had brought along, procuring a loaf of bread, some cheese, and an unanticipated bottle of wine. He popped the cork with his teeth and grinned at me, green eyes sparkling.
“So this is fun.” He smiled, dropping the pack into the corner and out of the way. “A little unexpected, but most good things in life are.” He sat and leaned back against the wall, patting the space beside him in invitation before continuing. “We have wine, food, a relatively dry place to stay and one another’s fine company. What could be better? I’m almost glad this storm hit. I’ve been meaning to ask you to grab a drink anyway.” This surprised a smile from me as I removed my daggers and boots, dropping them near the pack before sitting next to Darien. Again? I thought privately. You’ve invited me for a drink several times, but with everything going on in our lives, we haven’t had an opportunity for any of them.
“And I must say, you look quite good soaking wet.” My eyes flew to his face at these words, hands suddenly all thumbs with one bracer only half off. He was smiling at me, and something in his expression, a touch of vulnerability quickly masked, had me reply honestly before I could contain my thoughts.
“You look good shirtless, as always.” I admitted, my face heating again as I fumbled to continue removing my bracers.
“Why thank you!” He beamed, delighted by my response. “You should join me, it’s really quite freeing.” This was said with a smile and a wink, but with such genuine and open sincerity it was impossible to feel offended or objectified. And that, right there. I decided. That’s the difference between you flirting with me and Jakarn trying to. You’re not plotting anything, not trying to manipulate me, you’re just being honest in your admiration.
“Really though, this isn’t so bad.” Darien continued, shifting slightly to face me as I unpinned my hair to finger comb the rain-darkened length, hoping it would dry quickly. “Things could be worse. Neither of us are wounded, no great evil is breathing down our necks for once, and we have nothing to do and nowhere to be until this storm clears.” A faint awareness in the back of my mind stirred at this, some barely heard voice warning this whole situation was too good to be true, but I resolutely ignored it. “If only there was a bit more entertainment. A bard to play us a lovely song and set the mood, maybe.” He lifted his brows, scanning the storm-drenched terrace as if expecting one to emerge, before turning back to me. “I suppose we’ll have to entertain ourselves for the time being. Any ideas?”
“You could make good on all that flirting.” I heard myself say as I reached for the wine, and almost choked as I hastily gulped several mouthfuls to swallow anything else I might have said. Why did I say that? I wondered, mortified.
“And here I was going to suggest that I sit here and flex for you until you were quivering with desire.” Darien exclaimed, throwing his arms wide as if to demonstrate, and I set the bottle back down with a clunk before I could drain it further in my sudden attack of nervousness. “Your idea is much better!” Damnit, I knew he was taking his shirt off so slowly on purpose! I cursed inwardly as Darien leaned forward again. “Of course, if you’d like to circle back to that later, feel free to let me know.”
His voice had lowered, and as he slid closer to me on the rough stone, I couldn’t look away from him. There was laughter in his eyes as they roamed over my face and figure in delight, but the longer we held each other’s gaze, the more serious Darien’s expression became. Slowly, he reached up, brushing the calloused pad of his thumb against my cheek, and I felt my breath catch. I glanced down in embarrassment. He was so close to me now I could see individual droplets of rain beaded across his bare chest like jewels as the firelight refracted through each one with a different colour.
“We’ve gone through a lot together, haven’t we?” Darien murmured gently, fingers cupping my jaw as his thumb continued to sweep back and forth against my cheek. “I find myself dreaming about you often. Most of the time they’re nice dreams. You in tight leathers, me in a steaming bath…. But sometimes they’re not so nice.” Darien’s voice dropped to a whisper, his thumb pausing as he closed his eyes briefly and shuddered as if reliving some unpleasant memory. “Sometimes, I lose you. And that scares me more than I care to admit. Tell me, do you feel the same?” His gaze searched mine, hopeful, nervous, and devastatingly open. “Or am I crazy?”
“I feel the same way.” I breathed, while that voice inside me sobbed with a pain I couldn’t, I refused to remember. “I don’t ever want to lose you, Darien.” And there it is, my deepest secret... never thought I’d have the chance to let that out. Nervously I bit my bottom lip as I waited to see how he’d react to my confession.
“Huh.” Darien muttered, almost surprised, his gaze dropping slightly to where my teeth still pressed into my lip. “I know I should say something heartfelt and perhaps even poetic right now, but all I can think about is your mouth and how nice it is.” His eyes traced over my face as his fingers tightened fractionally under my jaw, and I wondered what he saw in my expression. I felt exposed, my soul laid bare, but at the same time I was safe, because this was Darien, and there was no one I trusted more deeply. “Maybe we should just stay here, even after the storm passes.” He mused softly. “Tell everyone that we got hopelessly lost and just spend a few days laying out here in the grass, caressing each other to our hearts’ content. Of course, there’d be no one to save the world if we went missing. So, I suppose we’ll just have to take advantage of the time we have.”
Darien moved closer, his hand trailing from my neck down my back before wrapping around my waist and pulling me to press flush against him with impressive strength. I could feel the hard, muscled planes of his body against mine through my soaked leathers as his warmth surrounded me, and nervously lifted my free hand to trace along his shoulder and neck as the other, hampered a little by his arm wrapped around me, pressed his back to pull him closer still. He flipped the damp hair from his eyes before leaning in to press his forehead against mine, and I sighed in in blissful happiness. This here with him was more peace and comfort than I could ever remember knowing, and I laughed softly as the realisation of our changing relationship dawned in Darien’s smile. His answering laughter, just as soft, as full of wonder and joy, was lost in the pounding rain as the storm crashed down around us.
I woke with a gasp, heart racing and body burning with a craving cruelly denied by fate and feuding Daedra. That was... that felt... It seemed so real... I thought, and burst into tears. It’s not fair that he's always the one to sacrifice himself... I thought as I sobbed ...we never had the chance for that drink, and now I’ve lost him again, and I don’t know if I can survive it this time. Darien... just hold on. I’ll find you. Even if we can never have this, you deserve to be free, to have a life. To find your happiness.
Eventually I cried myself back to sleep, but I couldn’t find my way back to that interrupted dream.