Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“-ra?”

The constant buzzing, ringing, and throbbing made it so hard to focus. It felt like all the blood in her body was accumulating in her head, and it ached as if at any moment it would just burst like an over inflated water balloon. 

“-ara?”

What a sight it would be: all that red splattered everywhere. Like an abstract painting, or a gory Rorschach Test. At least the pain would be gone, everything else would be someone else’s problem. Everything hurt, and her eyes burned. When was the last time she slept all the way through the night? Felt like days. The headaches were constant now, and a part of her was starting to feel like she might have been hallucinating a voice behind all the buzzing in her ears.

“Sara!” She was spun around suddenly, and was met with amber eyes knotted in a look of deep concern. Sara realized she’d been spacing out again, and rubbed her eyes to help blink away the pain.

“What do you want, Jenkins?” Sara tried to put her usual level of ‘I’m too rich and pretty to be talking to the likes of you’-ness into her voice, but she was just too tired to actually muster the energy.

Julie Jenkins, having readjusted herself on her crutches after literally having to grab her attention, eyed Sara up and down. The shorter girl sighed and blew a strand of auburn hair from her face, “You look like shit.”

“Well fuck you very much,” Sara scoffed before turning to walk away. Her head hurt too much for this shit.

“Wait.” Julie reached out to grab her arm, but stopped shy of just brushing her fingers against the sleeve of Sara’s blouse. “Look, I’m sorry. It’s just…are you okay?”

Sara had intended to once again tell Julie to go fuck herself, but the question gave her pause. It would be so easy to just say ‘Yeah, of course I am.’ but it would of course be a lie of omission to not add ‘Can’t you tell by the dark circles under my eyes that have only gotten darker with each passing day? Or how about the fact that all of my so-called friends abandoned me? Oh, and why not throw in the mind splitting headaches I’ve had during every waking moment since this fucking fiasco started!?’

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath in. Held for four seconds. Exhaled. Just like all those stupid meditation videos her co-captain Danielle Strode had made her watch. Well, former co-captain, anyway. She was just the captain now that Sara had given up the team to focus on her prom campaigning. Danielle had suggested that Sara needed to work on her anger management, which was bullshit because Sara was the perfect portrait of serene beauty! Or, at least she had been. Right?

Something wet hit the back of her hand. It took her a moment to realize she’d started crying, but when she did it was like a dam burst inside her chest. Sara began to sob, a torrent of thick, heavy tears falling, undoubtedly ruining her mascara and concealer she’d put on to try and mask how tired she’d looked that morning. “No!” she managed to choke out, giving in to the wave of sorrow she’d been holding back for God knows how long. Without even thinking, she felt herself burrow her face into Julie’s shoulder.

Julie, for her part, was a bit taken off guard. Sara had looked worse and worse over the last few weeks, but she had been hesitant to say anything. Not least of all because Sara had broken her heart near the end of the eighth grade, but mostly because Sara had just become such an unbearable bitch since their falling out. However, Julie kept having a nagging feeling that she should say something- that something was very wrong with Sara, and that despite their bad history she still deserved someone who gave enough of a shit to check on her. 

And as Sara sobbed and hiccuped into her shoulder, soaking straight through both the sweater vest Julie’s overbearing mother had insisted she ‘looked really cute in’ (she’d had to actively keep herself from recoiling in horror from it) as well as the button-up shirt underneath, Julie felt a small sense of relief. Like a dark cloud she’d barely realized was there had dissipated. Wrapping an arm around Sara, Julie stroked the back of her long, blonde hair. Aside from her missing leg, this felt exactly like it had all those years ago when they had still been friends, and everything seemed right with the world, even if it was just for a fleeting moment and even if Sara was clearly not at her best.

A few other kids had stopped near where they were in the hall, openly gawking at the scene. Julie meanmugged them- as much as a short girl with pigtails could, anyway- until they got the hint and moved on. The two of them stayed like that for a while, but the moment ended suddenly (and far too soon, in Julie’s opinion) when Sara shoved herself off of Julie in a panic. 

“Fuck!” Sara exclaimed, a mixture of shock, disgust, and no small amount of fear settling over her. “No, no, no. I-I can’t be seen with you, Jenkins.” 

Julie, who’d barely managed to keep herself from toppling over when Sara pushed away, felt her ears go hot with anger. “A bit late for that, blueberry,” despite her bubbling rage, she couldn’t help but smirk when she saw Sara begin to bristle at the pet name she’d so despised as a kid being brought back up again.

“Don’t-” Sara began to shout before instead lowing her voice to a razor thin whisper, “don’t fucking call me that. We’re not friends, Jenkins. Not anymore.” 

Having, for the most part, always been a quiet kid who made as few waves as possible and who was a notorious people-pleaser without a mean bone in her body, what Julie said next caught Sara completely off guard. “And how many more of those do you have left?” she asked, dryly, “You’ve pushed everyone who might have given a shit about you away. Did you even notice?” The smaller girl got up in Sara’s face, “Or were you so wrapped up in your own petty, pathetic bullshit to care?” 

Five long years of unspoken resentment and anger had bubbled up to the surface for Julie, who found herself unable to hold back, and tears pricked at her eyes as she finally unloaded on Sara. “I guess that’s just par for the course for you though, isn’t it? Shoving people aside when you don’t need them any more. Well who do you have now, Sara!?”

The question rattled her. It actually took her a few moments to come up with an answer, but she cooled herself and scoffed, putting back on the ‘mean girl’ mask, “My boyfriend, obviously. I don’t need anyone else. John’s the star quarterback, and obviously the two of us will-”

Julie shook her head and cut Sara off, “He asked me to prom, Sara.”

Sara’s blood ran cold. “Wh…what?”

“John.” Julie hung her head, unable to meet Sara’s bewildered and wide blue eyes. “He asked me to prom. Earlier today.” 

 It felt like a spear of ice had plunged straight through her chest, and she grit her teeth. The pain in her head, the buzzing in her ears, was returning ten-fold. Sara realized she wasn’t breathing. Or, maybe she was breathing too much? Darkness was overtaking her vision, and part of her wanted so badly to just give in to it.

‘No, this can’t be happening. No. NO. Nnonon̵o̸n̴o̶n̴ṅ̸͎o̶̝͕̿ņ̸̧͈́o̵̞̬̎̎̔n̴̹̓͋̿o̶̞̱̼͋͛̊.’

A sharp pain suddenly spread across her cheek, and Sara turned to look incredulously at Julie. “I’m sorry!” Julie sputtered quickly, “Y-you were hyperventilating and I wasn’t sure what to do. God, Sara, I’m so sorry!”

“So you hit me?” Sara asked, rubbing her cheek. “Great, first you steal my boyfriend, and now you hit me. Real prom queen material, you are.” A plot was forming in her head on how she could turn this to her advantage, until Julie spoke again.

“I told him no, obviously.” She pulled nervously on one of her pigtails, still not daring to meet Sara’s gaze, “I wouldn’t do that to you. Regardless of what’s happened between us. And besides…”

She paused, long enough that Sara groaned, “Besides, what?”

“Besides, I-” she shook her head, “Forget it, it’s stupid.”

“Oh no. You’re not getting by with that ‘shy-girl’ shit after hitting me. Spit it the fuck out, Jenkins.” Julie remained silent. Sara rolled her eyes, and turned to walk away, “Fine, forget it, I guess.”

“I wanted to go with you.” 

Sara stopped mid stride, unsure exactly that she’d really just heard Julie say what she thought she’d said, “Ex-fucking-cuse me?” She turned back to find Julie staring at her with fearful but determined amber eyes. It was a look she hadn’t seen on Julie since they were kids, and there was a long forgotten flutter in her chest at the sight. 

Julie strode closer, “Look, I knew you would have just turned me down- that it was just a stupid fantasy- but the only person I ever would have imagined going to prom with would have been you. I mean, back in middle school anyway, before…well, before, I always pictured the two of us going together. And after you pushed me away no one else really ever came along.”

Sara let Julie take her hand in hers, “I miss being friends with you, Sara. And I think, deep down, you do too. Please, this whole mess has just made you miserable- you clearly haven’t been sleeping well, and I think more than anything that you should just let it go and focus on being happy instead of chasing some stupid crown. Why don’t we both just drop out of the race and go together. As friends,” she caught herself, “Please?”

Their fingers locked for just a moment, and part of Sara’s mind marveled at how soft Julie’s hand felt against her own. 

“You’re right.” Sara said, sadly. She pulled her hand from Julie’s, “It is just a stupid fantasy.”

Sara gathered her things, avoiding what she knew would be Julie’s crestfallen gaze. She hadn’t realized that breaking someone’s heart could be so much harder the second time around, and she had to hide her face behind her hair to keep anyone in the hall from seeing the tears that were forming.

She had to find John. To fix everything. To win the crown. It was all that mattered.

Chapter Text

John wasn’t exactly hard to find at this time of day. He and the rest of the football team were running drills on one side of the field, while the cheerleading squad practiced on the other. Unable to pull him away at the moment, Sara sat on the bleachers and waited for them to wrap up. Her foot tapped incessantly, and she had to actively stop herself from picking at her nails.

‘It’s a bad habit, and one you need to control,’ her father had told her once. His voice played in her head every time she caught herself absently starting again. She decided, after the third time she felt herself start, to jam her hands into her hoodie pockets.

Watching the football players running around always bored her to tears, so she instead watched the cheerleaders- her former squadmates- working through their routine for the final games of the year. As much as she hated to admit it, Danielle made for a decent captain. She knew that she was the one who fucked up- who abandoned the squad to focus more on prom planning, to the point that they forced her out- but it didn’t make it hurt any less to see them seemingly thriving without her.

Sitting alone on the bleachers, Sara began to take stock of herself for the first time during this whole debacle. Being rich, pretty, and popular were all she’d ever really had for herself. It was what her father had said made her special- important. But now she had lost all the popularity she’d ever had, and her stressful, sleepless nights had made her look haggard and sickly. That just left her wealth- her father’s wealth, anyway- but if she had learned anything over the last few weeks, it was that money couldn’t actually solve all of your problems. If anything, she learned that several of her so-called friends had only really hung out with her because of her ability to swipe daddy’s credit card for just about anything, but even they had a limit to the amount of bullshit they could put up with.

So, what did that leave her with? 

‘John,’ she reassured herself, ‘I still have John. I can fix this.’

After about an hour of waiting, John- who had waved to her once he saw her watching- wrapped up practice, and walked over.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” she responded.

Sara struggled to find words, and after a moment John suggested they go somewhere more private. She did her best to ignore all of the people watching them walk away. They managed to find a secluded area around the back of the gym, John dropped his gear bag before sitting in the grass, resting against the wall. Normally, Sara would absolutely never think of sitting on the filthy ground, but she was too drained to care- so she plopped herself down next to him.

The two of them sat in silence for a while, Sara trying and failing to form her thoughts into words, before John sighed, “Sara, I’m not going to drag this out. I think we need to break this off.”

“No, no, no!” she hated how petulant she sounded, like a child about to throw a tantrum, “We can fix this. I can fix this. Please!”

“Sara,” John started, but she threw herself onto him, wrapping her arms around his back and crying into his chest. Part of her was so fucking embarrassed. She hadn’t cried in her whole life as much as she had cried just today. Well…except one other time. Sara heard John sigh again, but he still held her until her tears subsided. 

Once she was able to compose herself again- she had to wipe her tears and nose off on the back of her sleeve, an act that probably would have thrown her dad into a mortified rage if he’d been witness- John started again.

“Sara…look, I had the biggest fucking crush on you when we were kids. I was stoked when you asked me out. You’re, like, stupid hot,” he laughed awkwardly, before adding, “and, like, really smart, too! But,” John frowned, “I don’t know. It’s like…I feel like you’ve only been with me because you felt like you were supposed to be? I just feel like you never really, like, liked me the same way I liked you.”

Sara’s voice caught in her throat. She desperately tried to think of a retort- something that could prove him wrong. But, the more she thought about it the more she began to really examine the memories she had with him from dating for the last four-ish years. Chaste kisses, unromantic- often chaperoned- dates, and especially the few times they had tried to…be intimate together had ended in disaster, usually because she was completely unable to make herself feel anything in the moment but disgust.

They were supposed to be together. It was the whole plan. She just had to get over whatever hangup she’d had about…that stuff, and they’d be fine. She could prove it!

John had started to speak again, “I’m sorry that I asked out Julie before breaking it off with you, that was shitty of me to d-”

Sara had cut him off, grabbing him by the collar of his sweaty t-shirt and pressing her lips against his in a last-ditch effort to prove that she felt the same way about him.

The kiss was wet, tasteless, and her nostrils were filled with the overpowering smell of his sweat mixed with fresh cut grass. It was completely and utterly devoid of any passion, no matter how much she tried to will it to be otherwise.

After a moment, John gently pushed her off. She was breathing heavily again, but not from being out of breath. This was all wrong. Sara had felt absolutely nothing. A mad panic began to settle over her as a thought of soft hands and amber eyes flicked into her mind. John was saying something about wanting to still be friends, but she had already stormed off.

It wasn’t possible. She had to prove to herself that these thoughts meant nothing. Surely, if she felt nothing when kissing John, this would be the exact same. At least that would be easy to brush off. Plenty of women didn’t like sex, or kissing their boyfriends and husbands. She could learn to deal with it. But, she had to prove to herself that these fleeting ideas were just the result of exhaustion.

Julie was just as easy to find as John had been. She’d been volunteering in the library for the last two years, a fact Sara only knew because there were a few times she’d had to stay late to study and had done her best to avoid her former friend in order to not have to deal with any awkward situations. Julie had seemingly been packing up for the day when Sara came up to her.

“What is it now, Sara? I really don’t have time for- mph! ”

Sara grabbed Julie by the back of the head and pulled her into a deep kiss. She’d only intended for it to last as long as her kiss with John had been, but she immediately recognized how different this felt. Julie’s lips were soft, so terribly soft, and tasted faintly of strawberry lip-balm. She felt herself leaning further into the smaller girl, falling deeper into…whatever this was. Sara only pulled back when she started to feel her panties dampen, horror quickly sobering her kiss-drunk mind. 

As Sara pulled back, her vision was filled with Julie’s confused, doe-like, amber eyes. Her knees began to buckle a bit from the sight, but her blood was also running cold.

It was the best kiss she’d ever had in her life.

“Fuck.”

Chapter Text

“Here,” Julie said, offering Sara the one of the sodas she’d grabbed from the vending machine. Sara took it tentatively, and pressed the cold can to her forehead. The two of them had found a quiet corner of the school- fairly easy now that many of the clubs were heading home for the day by now- and Sara had immediately curled up into a ball.

With a bit of awkwardness, Julie eased herself down into a sitting position, resting her crutch on her lap. She was relieved when Sara only flinched rather than fully shuffling away from her. Restraining herself from talking about what happened was proving exceptionally difficult. On the one hand: it was completely violating to be kissed like that without consent. On the other: good God, Sara’s lips were so pouty and soft and she was such a great kisser and holy shit their boobs had even pressed together for a sec and fuck she was just so so fucking gay.

“Stop thinking weird shit,” Sara snapped.

“How could you possibly know what I’m thinking about, miss high-and-mighty?”

“Because I know you,” Sara huffed, “and you’re tapping your foot like crazy- which you always do when you’re daydreaming about something that excites you.” Sara pulled the can away from her forehead, tapped the opening, and cracked it. “Plus,” she added before bringing the soda to her lips, “you keep blushing like an idiot.”

“Yeah?” Julie scoffed, “Well you’ve been beet red ever since. So, what does that say about you?”

“Shut up,” Sara replied quietly, after a pause. 

Julie rolled her eyes, but bit back another response. Trying to out bitch Sara was too exhausting to even consider, so she sat with her chin in her palm while Sara sulked or whatever. They drank their sodas in silence for a while.

“I’m not gay,” Sara muttered, her face hidden behind her crossed arms resting on her knees.

 “Are you telling yourself that, or me?”

“I’m not gay.”

“Kissing a girl out of nowhere is pretty fucking gay, Sara.”

“Shut up.”

“Wanna try groping me next? See how that makes you feel?”

“Shut up!”

“No, you’re right, it’s only gay if we touch tongues.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Sara screamed. Her fingers had twisted into her hair, and she was shaking horribly. Even though her face was barely visible, Julie could see that the color had completely drained from it. “You don’t get it, Julie. I can’t be gay. I can’t.” 

Julie reflexively put a hand out to comfort her, thought better of it, then decided “fuck it” and wrapped both arms around the shuddering blonde- pulling her into a tight hug. Sara froze for only a moment before seemingly resigning herself to the comfort of Julie’s touch.

Sara didn’t cry this time, which concerned Julie. She barely even seemed to be breathing, just shaking uncontrollably while her fingers dug into her scalp. Sadness, Julie could deal with- she could chalk it up to Sara being completely melodramatic about a revelation Julie had seen coming since elementary school- but what Sara was showing signs of was pure, raw fear. 

“Daddy will kill me,” she moaned, her voice hollow. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.” Julie could see her starting to close her fists hard around large chunks of her golden hair.

“Hey, Sara?” Julie tried, “Sara take some deep breaths, okay?”

Sara started shaking her head, and seemed ready to start ripping out her hair. “No, no, no, no!” 

“Sara, stop!” Julie tried, futilely, to grab onto Sara’s hands to stop her, but she kept fighting free of Julie’s attempts. After a moment of back and forth, Sara had started to tug at her hair while still muttering to herself- completely unresponsive to Julie. “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Julie groaned, before, with a great push of effort, forcing Sara’s arms away from her face. 

Julie closed her eyes, put both hands around Sara’s head, and kissed her. Sara stiffened, and Julie expected to be shoved away at any moment. Instead, Sara went slack, her arms falling to Julie’s sides. Julie began to break away- intending to take a breath and check if that had been enough to snap Sara out of the episode she was having- but Sara leaned forward into her, catching her lips again. 

Sara had been a bit forceful with their kiss earlier; there was determination behind it, and some amount of fear. Now, Sara exuded an intense and pitiful neediness, with no small amount of desperate terror. Before, she had practically been fighting for domination over both her own feelings as well as Julie, but now her lips molded completely to Julie’s own. Her arms closed around Julie’s back, and her body melted against Julie. Thinking was hard at the moment, as Julie became lost on waves of pleasure and hot, wet, yearning kisses, but the part of her brain that still could form thoughts brought up the fact that she had not seen Sara let herself be this vulnerable since middle school. Long before they’d had their fight and broken off their friendship, even. 

It was a nice change of pace.

Finally, after what felt like a very long time, Julie was forced to come up for air. The two fell away from each other, and Sara’s brain finally seemed to catch back up with her actions as she sharply scooted back from Julie. She gently ran her fingers over her lips, and Julie could see tears running down her cheeks again. “Why?” Sara’s voice was thin and quiet, “Why do I like it so much?”

Part of Julie wanted to just shake the shit out of her, but she decided that what Sara really needed right now was a bit of patience and gentleness. “Because, you’re gay, Sara,” she responded, somberly.

“I can’t be. I’m not supposed to be.”

“What are you ‘supposed’ to be, Sara?”

Sara looked at her with wide, sad, horribly blue eyes that almost made her forget how to breathe for a moment. “I’m supposed to be perfect,” she responded, miserably.

Julie took a very deep breath to steady herself, and took Sara’s hand in her own. “Nobody’s perfect, Sara.”

“Berrys are supposed to be perfect.”

“According to who, your shitty dad?” Julie couldn’t help but snort. Sara started to pout, angrily, but Julie put a hand to her cheek to cut her off. “You really need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself, blueberry. You’re gonna snap one of these days if you don’t start being kinder to yourself.”

Sara’s eyes fell away, “I hate that nickname. It’s too cutesy.”

Julie snorted. “Despite your brash, bitchy exterior,” she said while booping Sara on the nose, “I’m afraid you’re terminally cute.”

“I fucking hate you,” Sara laughed. 

“There’s the Sara I know,” Julie smiled. She worked herself up off the ground, leaning on her crutch for support, and offered a hand out to Sara. “C’mon, aren’t you too rich and pretty to be sitting on the ground anyway?”

Sara rolled her eyes, quickly wiped her palm across her cheeks, and pushed herself to her feet. “Julie, you and I both know you couldn’t lift me up if you tried. You’ve got fucking noodle arms and one leg, for fuck’s sake.”

Julie pouted, “I’ve been doing physical training since the accident, asshole. Gimme a year and I bet I could bench press your twig ass like it was nothin’.”

“Wow, what a fucking mouth you’ve got on you, Jenkins,” Sara chuckled. “Does your mommy know her sweet, straight-A booknerd is such a fucking potty-mouth?”

“Fuck off,” Julie laughed. 

The two of them giggled for a moment, as if the last five years had never happened and they were still the same as they’d ever been before that. Two friends poking fun at each other. As their laughter died away, though, the shadow of fear fell back over Sara. 

“Please,” she begged, “please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t,” Julie replied, sadly. She knew it had been too good to last, but it still hurt.

“You have to promise.”

“I promise.”

“Please, Julie. Nobody can know.”

“I said I promise. Who would I even tell?”

“Wess, obviously.”

Julie scoffed, “Please, I can’t tell that drama queen anything.”

As Sara began to walk away, Julie hated herself. It was happening again- for a brief moment, her and Sara had reconnected, only for the two of them to be pulled apart by Sara’s fear.

She managed to make it halfway to the parking lot across campus before she started crying.

“Holy fucking shit!” Quiara Verbinski had been walking through the quad after being let out of detention (she’d called the English teacher, Mr. Wan, a fascist for taking her phone away) when she saw the craziest thing ever. Her phone was already in her hands as she practically sprinted back home, fingers flying across the buttons. 

WORSTIE

Holeee shit, you won’t believe who 

I just saw sucking face behind

the science building!!!!

Worstie

Omg who???

Sara berry and julie fucking jenkins 

😵

Worstie

😱

NO F ING WAYYYY!!!

Ive gotta text Allie!

Chapter Text

Sara felt numb. She kept having to remind herself to breathe, and she felt completely detached from her body. Everything was cold and her blood was moving painfully fast. The drive home had been much shorter than she wanted it to be today, and now she sat with her car idling in the driveway. No part of her wanted to go inside. Going inside meant having to face her dad, and he would know something had happened. He always knew. 

Stanley Berry wasn’t a bad father, in Sara’s opinion. He was just strict, and he wanted what was best for her. He pushed her past her limits because he knew she could always do better; be better. But... sometimes she really wished he were more understanding and more kind. Her mother had always tempered him, and she always advocated for him to go easy on Sara. However, they had lost her while Sara was barely entering middle school. Ever since then, her father had become distant, critical, and demanding of her. 

She pressed her head against the cool leather of the steering wheel and tried very hard not to start crying again. Sara would give anything to have her mom back. Now, more than ever, she wished she had her mother’s shoulder to cry on. Mary Berry, in contrast with Sara’s father, had been kind, loving, and attentive to Sara’s needs. When she wasn’t out playing with Julie and the other kids in their neighborhood- back before her dad had moved them to a nicer, richer part of town- she was inseparable from her mother. Sara looked up to her in every way and wanted so much to be like her. 

Her father and her had tried to model Sara’s entire life after her late mother. Mary had done pageants when she was younger; Mary was the cheer captain; Mary dated the most popular boy in school; Mary was Homecoming and Prom Queen. Everything had been going according to plan. Sara’s extracurriculars, her classes, her boyfriend, even her friends list had all been perfectly curated to make her the perfect daughter and one who lived up to her mother’s legacy. There’d only ever been one hiccup, and her father had ensured Sara burned that bridge as thoroughly as possible. 

Well, clearly not as much as she originally thought. Thinking about Julie made her heart hurt, which sent her on a never-ending spiral of hating herself for thinking about their kiss only to think about it even more. Why did it seem like every complication in her life centered on that dumb, adorable nerd?  

But it hadn’t just been Julie, had it? Sara’s mind swirled with memories that were now cast in a different light. Idle thoughts about her female classmates were no longer just judgmental comments on their bodies; lingering glances at her squad-mates were no longer just her critical eye on their technique; her time with Julie when they were younger was no longer just time spent between former friends. 

Fuck. 

Fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuuuuuuuuuuuck! 

She hadn’t even realized she was screaming until her hand accidentally struck her car horn. “Shit,” she moaned. There was movement by one of the windows, and with that she knew it was time to face the music. Sara wiped her face and did her best to un-fuck her appearance (it was not a great success, but it would have to do) before heading inside. 

Even with the tv on in the living room, the door closing behind her still echoed through the entryway. All the tile throughout the first floor, as well as the high, cavernous ceilings, made it so even the slightest sound seemed to reverberate throughout the entire house, though that also could have just been from all of her nerves being on high alert lately. Father had always preferred a “sleek, minimalist look” as he called it, and so the decor was sparse yet functional. Efficiency and the name Berry practically went hand-in-hand in his mind- another thing he had done his best to drill into her throughout her life. 

Father was sitting on the sofa, back to her, as she entered, watching some old pricks talk about stocks or something else she mentally referred to as “boring old people shit”. Sara prayed she could slip by without drawing any more attention to herself and prepared to sprint up the stairs to lock herself in the safety of her room. 

“You’re home late,” an accusation, not observation. 

Sara took a breath to steady herself. “Yeah, practice ran a little late,” she lied, putting as much ‘normalcy’ in her voice as possible. 

“I thought you said you weren’t on the team anymore?” Her dad hadn’t even looked in her direction, but she still felt as if his gaze was boring into her. 

Still, she refused to show any cracks, “Well, I’m still helping out as much as I can. When I’m not doing Prom Committee stuff, anyway.” No need to tell him she’d been kicked off the Prom Committee weeks ago. 

Her dad hmphed, still not taking his eyes off the tv, “And how is your campaign going?” 

Part of her wanted to break down. To admit that she was so done. So fucking tired of fighting for something she was starting to wonder if and why she even wanted it so badly. 

Sara angrily smothered that weaker part of herself with a pillow and smiled, “We had a few hiccups, but nothing I can’t handle.” 

She stood awkwardly, blood still running cold and fast while her heart fluttered on the verge of panic. A minute ticked by. He knows. He has to know something is wrong. Why hasn’t he asked what’s wrong?   

“Did you need something?” his tone was drenched in impatience. 

Relief and no small amount of disappointment washed over her, “No, dad, that’s all.” 

Sara trudged off, careful not to make any noise lest she cause any further disturbance and retreated to the comfort and solitude of her room. Her sanctuary. At least it had been before, before everything started falling apart. Prom shit damn near covered every available surface. The cork-board she’d used for years as a calendar and planner now looked more like a conspiracy board- pictures of her classmates, her rivals , posted up with notes and ideas on how to beat them hung where she used to put up silly little affirmation cards alongside her plans for dates and other activities. Jesus Christ, she even had red strings tied between pictures and notes. 

Horror began to overtake her as she took everything in with newly awakened eyes. Was this really what she’d let herself become? A fucking recluse who obsessed manically over a popularity contest?  

Tentatively, she locked the door behind her. Sara tried to take deep breaths, tried to hold everything back for just a little longer, as she strode across the room- past the cork-board, past the desk covered in “Vote Sara!” posters, past the pile of her beloved stuffed animals she’d shoved into a corner to make more room for…whatever bullshit this all was. Only once she had secluded herself into her spacious (and insulated) closet, only then did she allow herself to shatter completely. Sara hugged her knees to her chest as she sank to the floor and sobbed. Hot, wet tears fell in waterfalls as she choked through broken breaths and hiccups.  

What the fuck was she doing? What the fuck was she going to do?

“Alright, you’ve been too quiet today,” Wes observed. 

Julie huffed and dropped the pigtail she’d been absent mindedly rolling between her fingers. “I’m always quiet, I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” 

Wes clicked off the radio, eliciting a groan from Julie. Turning the radio off was always a clear indication that Wes wouldn’t let her escape from a conversation. “Ugh, you’re such a mom !” she complained. 

“What happened?” 

Julie loved her best friend, but God damn he could be such a nag! “ Nothing happened!” 

“Bullshit.” 

“Maybe I’m just enjoying a ride home with my so-called friend in quiet contemplation. Ever consider that?” 

“Bullshit. You’re usually complaining about someone asking you for help with shit you’re too much of a people pleaser to say no to.” 

“Maybe I’m not ready to talk about it!” she yelled. She hadn’t meant to raise her voice, and she immediately regretted shouting. 

They drove in silence for another few minutes. Julie didn’t live especially far from the school, but staying late had left them caught in afternoon traffic. “Sorry,” she eventually mumbled. 

Wes ran a hand through his hair and huffed. “It’s fine. I just worry about you, Jules.” 

Julie snorted, “Mom.” 

“Fuck you.” They were stuck at an especially long light, and despite sitting for another few minutes without talking she started to suspect he wasn’t going to let it go. “It’s about Sara, isn’t it?” There it is. 

“Why would it be about Sara?” she deflected. 

“Because it’s always something about Sara when you get like this. Fuck, Jules, you’ve been pining for that bitch ever since middle school, even after she broke your fucking heart and pissed on the pieces." 

This was giving her a headache. “It wasn’t even like that! Even if it was, am I not allowed to worry about someone who used to be my other best friend?” 

Wes scoffed, “Right, yeah. I’m supposed to believe that. Please, Jules, you’re so fucking gay it hurts, and I swear every time you so much as see a glimpse of that bitch you go all puppy-eyed. Fuck, it’s pathetic.” 

“Oh, like you have any room to call people ‘too gay’ and ‘pathetic’? You know what?” Julie began gathering up her backpack and her crutches, “I don’t need this shit. Let me out, I’ll walk home.” 

“And you call me a ‘drama queen’,” Wes shot back, rolling his eyes. “I’m not making you hobble your one-legged ass back home you dummy. I’ll drop it. For now ,” he added. 

Julie breathed a sigh of relief. However soured her relationship with Sara had become she had made a promise, and she intended to keep it. The rest of the drive passed in relative silence, although Wes had thankfully turned the radio back on- a clear indication that he was indeed dropping the talk “for now”. His hand-me-down truck coughed and sputtered as it rolled to a stop in front of her house. Even though he lived across the street, he insisted it was better to park closer to her place so she wouldn’t have to walk the unnecessary extra distance on her crutches when it was far easier for him to be the one to do it. 

“Same time tomorrow?” he asked, hopefully. 

Julie smiled despite herself. “Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel,” she responded, ruefully. 

They bumped fists before turning to head to their respective homes. She heard Wes call out, “Just try not to do anything stupid, okay?” 

She rolled her eyes and laughed, “Remind me which of us is the honor student again?” 

“Being smart doesn’t mean you can’t be a dumbass, dumbass.” 

Julie stuck her tongue out at him. She was tempted to flip him off for good measure, but she worried her mom might see it and have a heart attack over her precious baby girl making such a vulgar display of herself. 

Opening the front door had become a bit of an endeavor since the accident. The house was old now, and the door began to stick a year or two ago, so you had to throw a shoulder into it to open the damn thing. This wasn’t too much of a hassle for someone with a bit of muscle and two functioning legs. Unfortunately, Julie had neither, so it required a bit of finesse. Just a week ago, she was finally able to do it by herself without falling face first into the entryway afterward. 

Grainy music- mom loved to put something on her record player while she cooked- and the smell of tomato sauce greeted her inside. Seemed like they’d be having pasta again. Julie worked her shoe off with one of her crutches, then gingerly maneuvered it into the rack by the door. She decided to drop her backpack by the foot of the stairs for now, and went to go see if her mom needed any help in the kitchen. 

Laurie Jenkins was a kind, if a bit overbearing, woman. Julie never knew her dad, but to be honest she’d never felt like she was missing much- her mom worked hard to keep the two of them comfortable. She did push Julie to do her best in school, but was also always there to help when she needed it and never made Julie feel like it would be the end of the world if she ever fell short. 

“Just do your best,” was her mother’s motto, “Your best is all anyone can ask from you.” 

Mom was preparing plates for the two of them, using her cane for support as she moved around the kitchen. She’d been the one driving when they’d been in the accident that claimed Julie’s leg, but the other driver had swiped into the passenger side of the car. Julie had been badly injured- her leg completely crushed in the impact- but her mom had suffered only minor injuries by comparison. She had to walk with a cane for now, but her doctor thought it was likely she’d make a full recovery within a year or two. They were currently waiting for settlement money from the accident to help pay for a prosthetic for Julie so she wouldn’t have to walk on her crutches any more. 

“Hey, kiddo!” her mom beamed as Julie went into the kitchen, “Make yourself a plate, but take the garlic bread out of the oven for me first.” 

Julie couldn’t help but laugh as a bit of smoke blew in her face as she opened the oven door. Her mom was great, but not the greatest cook. The bread was mostly not burned though, which was good enough for her. The two of them ate together in the living room while watching some true-crime program her mom had on. Mom asked about her day, Julie mostly lied and said it had been uneventful- most of her days aside from this one were, so she managed to be pretty convincing. Eventually, Julie said goodnight after helping clean up the kitchen and went up to her room to do her homework and relax before bed. 

Well, she had intended to do her homework. Mostly, she just stared at the pages while twirling her pencil between her fingers, lost in thought.  

That kiss was really nice. It’s never going to happen again. Of course it won’t, she half expected she’d never hear another word from Sara until the end of the school year- she'd done the same thing back in middle school, after all. She broke your heart and pissed on the pieces. Ugh, fucking Wes. Fine, yes! Julie was heartbroken by it. They’d been friends since they were children. They did damn near everything together, and hung out almost as much as her and Wes had. Sara used to live closer, and although she’d never gotten a clear answer when she’d asked about it Julie suspected her dad might have known, worked for, or maybe even been friends with Sara’s dad at some point before he up and split.  

So it really fucking hurt when Sara pushed her away. She felt like she was being abandoned again. And it fucking hurt that just a day or two prior they’d shared an intimate moment. They planned to travel together. They almost... 

Oh. Oh. Julie brought her hand to her lips. How had she forgotten that part?  

...They’d almost kissed. And then Sara’s dad had walked in on them, and he forced Sara to break off their friendship.  

Another memory sprang to mind, and Julie went to her closet to see if she still had what she was thinking of. Tucked away at the back, under a pile of clothes and behind a few boxes, was a shoebox. She opened it and gingerly removed the small stack of Polaroids she’d stashed inside. Each one depicted a happy moment that had become too painful to think about after the fallout- so much so that Julie had hidden them as far away as she could bring herself to without fully letting them go. Most of them were pictures of Sara and Julie, but some were just of Sara. They were smiling. Happy. Fuck, Julie realized how much she missed that smile- she couldn’t remember ever seeing Sara with a smile like that since they’d entered high school. She was usually just sneering at people she saw as beneath her, or giving Julie a death glare during the small handful of times they’d crossed paths in the halls. 

Julie took the photos back to her desk and propped them up in front of her workspace.  

God damn it. She really was pining, wasn’t she? 

Fucking Wes. 

It doesn’t even matter, she’s not going to talk to you again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As much as it fucking sucked, she’d keep her promise.  

Even if it hurt to be rejected again, Julie would do her best to keep Sara’s secret. It wasn’t her place to out someone who wasn’t ready to accept it yet.