Chapter Text
September 20th, 2020
“It’s been a chaotic weekend with our two apprentice chefs, Riddle Rosehearts and Silver Vanrouge! They’ve done their best to learn all they can in the mysterious ways of proper food preparation, but it’s all culminated into this moment!” Mr. Head Chef said. “As you know, the theme of this Culinary Crucible has been steak – hence the event title of ‘Raising the Steaks!’”
Mr. Head Chef was this really nice ghost from the school’s kitchens. According to Jade, Mr. Head Chef was the school’s number one buyer of all the yummy kinds of mushrooms the Mountain Lovers’ Club found! It was too bad mushrooms didn’t make its way into the September Culinary Crucible, since Klee and Jade had picked so many during this week’s Mountain Lovers’ Club meeting – but Jade had assured her that they would make their way into the cafeteria’s mushroom risotto.
“And now, we’ll be having our panel of guest judges rate your meals!” cheered Mr. Head Chef, turning to the three students who had been chosen as the official final panel: Jamil Viper, Floyd Leech, and Tsunotarou! It would be a pretty difficult final battle of the student chefs – from what Klee had observed, Jamil was super-duper particular about his food, same with Tsunotarou. Floyd was a bit more lenient, but he didn’t hold back on his judgement either.
Klee was sitting with her four bestest Night Raven College friends, anxiously awaiting the results – Epel to her right, Ace and Deuce to her left, and Grim sleeping on her lap since he’d gotten bored when he found out that he was both required to be here (something, something, participation grade?) and unable to eat the food since he hadn’t been chosen as a student judge.
Grim went only slightly feral when he found out that Deuce had been invited as a student judge earlier in the competition. (“It’s unfair that they didn’t choose any of us Gastronomy Club members!!” Grim had growled.)
“Students! It is now time to present your dishes! Who wants to go first?” Mr. Head Chef said.
Riddle took a deep breath, “I will, sir.” He wheeled his little fancy dish cart out and placed three fancily plated dishes in front of each of the judges. “Allow me to present the cabbage rolls I made for your judgement.”
From her seat, Klee cheered, though she was the only one. “GO BIG BROTHER RIDDLE!!!” Ace, Deuce, and Epel all looked slightly embarrassed at the looks the people around them were giving her.
Tsunotarou was the first to speak, “Hmm… well, well, they vary quite greatly in size. These two are so lopsided next to each other, it’s like a parent and their child.” He chuckled.
“I think it’s a cute design!” Floyd cheered, “Besides – cabbage leaves aren’t always the same size, so it’s not totally Kingyo-chan’s fault. Plus, there’s a big one and a small one for each of us!”
“Oh? You aren’t showing favoritism, are you Floyd?” Jamil raised an eyebrow. “After all, most chefs would likely try to use similar cabbage leaf sizes to keep it more uniform and ensure roughly the same amount of filling would be used for every dish. The smaller leaves would be utilized for other purposes. Still, presentation is just one aspect.”
Riddle sighed, “Yes, your assessment is as biting as it is accurate, I’m afraid.”
“Let’s see how they taste, then.” Tsunotarou stated, picking up the smaller roll on his plate. Jamil did the same, but Floyd was clearly feeling adventurous as he picked up the larger roll and took a big bite.
There were munching sounds as the three judges tried the dish, and Klee could tell that Riddle got a bit more anxious the longer it took for someone to say something.
“…Well? What do you think?”
“…They’re certainly edible.” Tsunotarou said, placing the rest of the roll back onto the plate. “That being said, this is a meal prepared by Riddle, the student with the highest grade in the entirety of the sophomore class. I was expecting to be blown away by a masterful display of technique. But the flavor provided by this dish – and the plating – are entirely pedestrian. Perhaps I expected too much. I’d say… 4 out of 10.”
Riddle sighed, “Thank you for your honest feedback.”
“I have to agree, while there is certainly seasoning in this dish, it isn’t enough to make it taste as good as it could have been. I suggest next time to measure with your heart rather than whatever the recipe tells you – at least for seasoning.” Jamil offered. “Still, for someone who only had the weekend to fine tune their skill – not bad. I’d give it a 5 out of 10.”
Riddle nodded, accepting the critique. He turned to Floyd. “I’m a little scared to ask, but your thoughts, Floyd?”
Floyd, who had eaten the entire plate of cabbage rolls, turned to Tsunotarou and Jamil. “You guys gonna finish that?” At their head shakes, Floyd reached over and scooped the two uneaten cabbage rolls onto his own plate. “Could use a little more seasoning, but I’d eat anything Kingyo-chan~ made for me. 7 out of 10!”
Riddle went bright red for a moment, before turning to the Head Chef. “Thank you, Chef. This was a very valuable learning experience for me.”
“You did very well for your first time in the Culinary Crucible! A 16 really isn’t that bad with this panel of judges.” Mr. Head Chef smiled.
“Man, only a sixteen?” Ace laughed, “I bet I could do way better than that. I’m definitely gonna sign up for this competition one day.”
“Since when were you a chef?” Deuce questioned. “But yeah, I could probably do better than a sixteen too. How about you Epel?”
“Depends on the theme to be honest.” Epel thought. “I could definitely have done well with this theme – I’m great with barbeque! But if there’s ever a culinary crucible that includes apples… well, I’m joining to wipe the competition.”
“Ooo, Klee would be amazing with any Culinary Crucible including fish!” Klee cheered, “I’d get to go fish-blasting!”
Grim popped open an eye from where he was napping. “If there’s ever a culinary crucible including fish and the Great Grim isn’t invited as a guest judge, it will be the greatest insult!” He made a sound that sounded like a cat’s displeased hiss.
“And now, I believe it’s time for Silver. What have you made for our panel?”
“I made beef stew,” Silver smiled as he placed the three stews in front of the three judges. “I can’t believe I have to deal with two of the leading culinary heavyweights on campus. I hope I can overcome this level of opposition…”
Jamil was the first to speak, “Uh, I have no clue what you’re talking about… so I’ll just try the food, if it’s all the same to you.” He took his spoon and got as many different ingredients as he could onto the spoon before taking a bite. He chewed briefly.
“The flavor is…hm. It’s typical.” He said.
Silver slumped forward a little. “Just typical…?”
Tsunotarou also took a bite, followed by Floyd. After a moment, Tsunotarou also nodded.
“Ah, yes. The flavor isn’t too special in the long run, but it’s not bad. A few tweaks, and I’m sure you’d hit a homerun with it.” Tsunotarou said. “Hmm… 5 out of 10 is a reasonable score, I suppose.”
“The ingredients are nicely cooked, so points for that.” Jamil continued. “And this meat is so tender, it’s practically falling apart as I bite into it. It had to have been stewed for quite some time. I’m actually a little surprised you didn’t fall asleep doing something like that. Overall, I’d give it… perhaps a 6 out of 10.”
Silver laughed a little nervously, “I was actually afraid of the same thing – in fact it almost happened. Thankfully, the head chef let me use a pressure cooker and it was my saving grace. Cut down on the cooking time and it helped me get through without any untimely dozing.”
“Oh yeah, kurage-chan is a sleepy-head.” Floyd said. “Hmmm, I’m sorry Kingyo-chan~ but I think I need to kurage-chan a slightly higher grade… 7.5 out of 10!”
From where he’d been quietly observing, Mr. Crowley coughed slightly. “Mr. Leech, must I remind you that there are no half-scores in the Culinary Crucible?”
“Fine! Same score as Kingyo-chan~ then, a 7 out of 10!” Floyd grumbled, crossing his arms.
“That brings Silver’s score up to… an 18! Amazing culinary skills from both our young chefs!” Mr. Head Chef clapped, “And if you want to spend the next Culinary Crucible as one of our chefs, make sure to sign up before October 10th! The next Culinary Crucible’s theme will be… ‘The Spice of Life’!”
Ace stood up from his seat and stretched, “Man, it’s kinda dumb that the entire student body has to attend these culinary crucibles. If I wanted to watch people have a cook-off, I’d watch a master chef show or something.”
“Hey, it means that Klee and I didn’t have to spend our afternoons this weekend with etiquette lessons with Vil, so it’s a win-win for me.” Epel shrugged.
Klee pouted at Epel, “Hey, I like those lessons with Vil! They’re fun, just like my tutoring sessions with Azul and Riddle!” Epel sighed, like he couldn’t believe she found them fun.
Grim got up from where he’d been sleeping and yawned and stretched quite a lot like a cat for being a not-cat. ““’sides, having your fellow students tell you that you can’t cook in front of everyone else is probably what that Headmaster sees as fun.”
Deuce nodded, “Probably. I really tried to be nice to both Housewarden Riddle and Silver-senpai when I got to judge, even though their first attempts were… uh, quiet crispy.”
“You can call it what it was,” Ace raised an eyebrow. “A big pile of ash. I think Riddle got angry and set the kitchen on fire.”
“Oh? Perhaps I should take this skillet gifted to me by the Head Chef and flambé you in it.” Riddle said, coming up to the group still dressed in his culinary outfit provided for the event, though he’d taken off the chef hat. According to her friends, it was a very traditional-looking chef outfit with some Heartslabyul flair. Klee kinda thought it looked weird, since she’d never seen any chef in Teyvat (and Klee knew several!! Miss Xiangling, Miss Xiangling’s Dad, Miss Sara, Miss. Brook) wear that kind of weird get-up.
“Uh…no thanks?” Ace replied, inching back to put a little distance between him and the slightly irritated Riddle. “I’m good?”
“That’s what I thought.” Riddle smiled, “So, how’d I do? I’m certainly no master chef, but I think I won’t be making any big mistakes like that unfortunate oyster sauce incident again.”
“Big Bro Riddle, you definitely, definitely have to make me something sometime!” Klee pleaded. “Klee needs to taste your cooking!”
Riddle immediately grew red with embarrassment, like he always did whenever she called him Big Brother in front of others.
“I’d be interested in that too,” Trey said, walking up to the group with Cater. They’d been sitting in a different section of the auditorium, since they were third-years. “After all, it’s a simple way to pay me back for all those pastries I’ve made for you these past two years, right?” He chuckled.
“Oh, well I don’t think I’d ever be able to match the deliciousness of your treats, Trey, so I’d hardly call that as ‘payback’… I’m not sure I’d ever be able to –” Riddle began to ramble.
Cater sighed, “Man, sometimes I forget that you aren’t very good at reading between the lines of what people are saying.” He shook his head. “Trey’s teasing you.”
“Oh.” Riddle said, looking a little embarrassed.
“You don’t need to pay me back, Riddle.” Trey smiled, giving Riddle a head pat. “Your friendship is enough for me.”
“Awwwwww!!!” Klee giggled.
“Um, anyways… I hope you’ve kept up with your homework despite your weekend being taken up by this event!” Riddle said, turning back to the topics he knew best: schoolwork. “Oh, Klee, have you been keeping up with your daily lessons? I’m sorry Azul had to take over all of this weekend tutoring due to my participation in this event…”
“Yup!” Klee exclaimed, pulling out her phone and showing off her 20-day streak. “The birdy looks so happy every time I complete a lesson!”
“I tried using that app to learn another language,” Cater chimed in. “And… uh, the Bird was very mad at me when I deleted it and I’m scared to return. I think he knows where I live.”
Klee tilted her head in confusion, wondering how the cute little bird could ever be scary. A little goofy maybe… but scary?
“It’s actually a little insane how fast you are picking up Japanese, Klee.” Epel said. “I really struggled back when I was first learning, and I was younger than you.”
“Well, it definitely helps that she has that little translator I made for her,” Vil said smiling at Klee as he walked up to the group. “Plus, she does have two rather extraordinary tutors to help her out.”
“Oh, hi Vil.” Epel said, “…uh what are you doing here?”
“What, is it illegal to check up on my own students now?” Vil raised an eyebrow at Epel, who shrunk back a little. “Part of it was to say hi, but also to make sure that my three little Pomefiore potatoes remember that we have a meeting in twenty minutes to discuss our house’s Spelldrive team for the upcoming tournament in two weeks.”
Epel’s eyes immediately brightened with anticipation, “Really? Klee, Grim, let’s go!”
“I still dunno what Spelldrive is.” Grim crossed his tiny arms. “Everyone loves it but never explains what it is.”
Ace sighed, “It’s a sport that gets played by competing teams of seven people. Basically, players battle for control of a disc and earn points by drivin’ it into the enemy team’s goal. The team with the most points wins.”
Deuce nodded, “Yeah – you’ve already heard Epel gush about Leona Kingscholar being on an official team in the pro leagues as well as the Captain of the school’s team that plays against other magic schools, like Royal Sword or Noble Bell. The interdorm Spelldrive tournament is between all seven dorms and is actually a great way to be scouted for university teams or even the full pro-leagues! It’s one of the biggest events at Night Raven. I always loved watching the broadcast at home.”
“Yeah, it’s always just as epic as the world championship due to how feral Night Raven can get.” Ace said. “Speaking of, Mr. Teapot Tyrant, who’s gonna be on Heartslabyul’s team?”
“Trey’s actually one of the Heartslabyul team’s star players.” Riddle smiled, “I’m sure he’s going to help put us somewhat rather high on the leaderboard.”
Klee thought about it. Huh, that sounded a lot like that one event Miss Honorary Knight arranged a few months before with all her friends across the nations, with Miss Honorary Knight on one team with Mr. Childe, Mr. Kazuha, Miss Noelle, Mr. Tighnari, and Mr. Zhongli while the other side was Mrs. Raiden, Mr. Cyno, Mr. Itto, Ms. Yelan, and Mr. Heizou plus that weird blonde guy who looked a lot like Miss Honorary Knight…
Whoever that guy was, it was a lot of fun to watch! Even though poor Paimon got bonked in the head and got a concussion due to Mr. Zhongli and Mrs. Raiden kicking the ball too hard…
“That sounds like fun!” Klee said, “Klee can’t wait!”
“Yeah!” Grim cheered.
“C’mon! Let’s go to the Pomefiore dorm!” Epel said, grabbing Klee’s hand. “This is one meeting I don’t want to miss!”
“That suggests you’d miss other meetings.” Vil said calmly as he followed the two running students.
“Don’t forget about my birthday in a few days!” Ace called after them.
~Klee’s Adventures in (Twisted) Wonderland~
“Thank you all for arriving to this meeting in a timely manner, though I suppose it is Spelldrive we’re talking about here.” Vil said. “Without further ado, allow me to announce this year’s Spelldrive tournament team. In starting positions, we have me of course, followed by Epel Felmier, Rook Hunt, Klee Liddell…”
He went on to list a few more names, with a total of fourteen members – seven to start, with seven backup members in case of injury or magical exhaustion throughout the tournament. But to Klee’s great surprise, she was one of the members! Klee was an athlete now!
“Man, I can’t believe Housewarden chose that little kid to be on the Spelldrive team.” She heard someone grumble behind her. “There had to have been a better choice than her, right?”
“The fact she even made a starting position – not to mention that apple kid Vil took under his wing also made the team and our Vice-Housewarden. Half the starting team is Vil’s minions.” Another grumbled, clearly displeased.
Klee could feel her eyes start to water. Oh no, had she taken the position away from someone else who really wanted it?
Up front, Vil noticed the commotion and cleared his throat, silencing the opposition. “I assure you, both Epel and Klee are fine selections for the team, and it is not because I’ve taken a vested interest in their education that they made the team. These selections are based on a multitude of factors, namely their P.E. grades and magical prowess. Epel is already on the school’s Spelldrive team and Leona Kingscholar himself has mentioned multiple times how much of an idiot I would be to not include him on the Pomefiore team for this tournament. As for Klee, she’s quickly picked up the ins and outs of maneuvering a broom in such a short time period that most of you would not be able to replicate. How many times has she accidentally set off an explosion in either the classroom or the dorm so far this year? It’d be a great disorientation tactic on the field. I understand that everyone wants to be on the team, especially since this is one of the only ways you can fight other students without a formal reprimand but trust me when I say this team is only made up of the best this dorm has to offer. Or do you really think I would honestly let a subpar team to represent our beautiful dorm?”
“I guess it would be funny to have her set Malleus Draconia on fire…” one of the naysayers decided, causing everyone except for Klee to laugh. No! Klee doesn’t want to set anyone on fire! She hadn’t been grounded by Vil for any of the explosions she’d caused this year, just receiving exasperated sighs so far, but setting someone on fire DEFINITELY would get her grounded! Just like when Mr. Fluffball didn’t understand how her jumpty dumpty worked and went boom!
“If anyone else has any other complaints or questions, I suggest you bring them up in private,” Vil said. “Anyways, there are three weeks until the tournament, and only three days you’ll be able to get acquainted as a team – after looking at all your schedules, it seems Thursdays are a common day off from other activities, so that’s the day I reserved the field of Pomefiore.”
“Wow, that’s really fast paced.” Grim said. “But I’m sure my hench-human can do it. Though I don’t know why Mr. Fashion Police didn’t choose the best student for the job – The Great Grim!”
“No clue,” Epel replied, hiding his laugh.
Wait... Thursdays were her club meetings with Tsunotarou! Oh no... she wouldn't be able to make it...
~Klee’s Adventures in (Twisted) Wonderland~
September 23rd, 2020
“Hey, Boss! All the teams for the Spelldrive tournament have been posted!” Ruggie burst into Leona’s room, not knocking.
“Oh yeah? Anybody interesting?” Leona asked from where he was lying on his balcony, basking in the sun with his eyes closed.
“Kinda. That Epel kid is there, along with that tiny fae girl your boyfriend seems to be fond of as the newcomers for the Pomefiore team. Heartslabyul seems to have added two of their freshman as second-string members, and the Diasomnia team also gained a freshman as a first-string member. Looks like a lot of freshmen this year are actually pretty athletic actually. Only Ignihyde, Scarabia, and Octavinelle don’t have a freshmen somewhere on the team.”
“Hm.” Leona shifted a little, trying to get more comfortable.
“…Hey Boss, have you thought about my proposal?”
“I’ve thought about it.” Leona replied. “It’s a dumb proposal.”
“Man, I thought it was smart,” Ruggie sighed. “It’d get the more experienced members out of the way, and with this many freshman, they’d be easy pickings on the field… letting you focus on your main enemy.”
“I’m not interested in trying to thin out the competition. Takes the fun out of competing.” Leona growled, making Ruggie take a step back, putting his hands up as if trying to appease the lion. " 'sides, Crowley has put our team up against Diasomnia as the first match for the past two years. I don't see him changing that any time soon."
“Well, in case you change your mind, this hyena is ready and waitin’.” Ruggie smiled. “Enjoy your beauty sleep, Boss.”
“I will. Now leave.”