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“Keiwa?”
Keiwa’s curled in on himself, shaking. Neon puts a gentle hand on his shoulder and that only seems to have him curl tighter in on himself, so she pulls away, sitting easily in reach but endlessly worried.
“Keiwa, can you tell me what’s wrong?” She asks gently, because her boyfriend waking up screaming and curling into as small of a ball as a man his size can manage is not normal behavior for anyone, but especially not Keiwa.
“It’s nothing,” Keiwa says. “Sorry, I’m sorry… I’m… I…”
“It’s okay, Keiwa,” Neon says. “You’re here, we’re safe. Can you tell me how I can help?”
Keiwa shakes his head. Neon sighs.
“I’m turning the lamp on,” she says. “Is that okay?”
“Yes,” Keiwa says. He just exudes an odd fragility right now, and it hurts. It doesn’t hurt less when his whole form is lit, shadows making his form look dark even in the soft colors of her bedroom.
She immediately rejoins him.
“Please, stay,” Keiwa says softly. “I don’t want to be alone. I don’t think I can be trusted, alone.”
“I won’t leave you, Keiwa,” Neon says. “I promise. Can I hug you?”
Keiwa nods, and Neon lays back down, holding him against her smaller frame and gently rubbing circles on his arms and back until he begins to stop shaking and unfurl against her. She kisses his back.
“I’m sorr—”
“You have nothing to apologize to me for,” Neon says. “I mean it.”
Keiwa sighs.
“I… don’t agree,” he says. “But thank you.”
“Of course,” Neon says. “Do you need anything?”
“Probably to go back to sleep,” Keiwa says. “I… it… no. It’s nothing.”
“Keiwa…”
“It really isn’t anything, Neon,” Keiwa says, and he’s shaking again. “Please.”
Neon sighs.
“Alright, Keiwa,” she says. “Good night.”
She wakes up the next morning, and it isn’t surprising for Keiwa to get up before her—his life is much more structured as a student than hers as a streamer, after all.
No, the thing that worries her is that he probably woke up and tucked the night before aside in the back of his head, and it will hurt him later. She supposes all of their main group have a habit of repression except, maybe, herself. Tsumuri and Ace to survive their centuries at the whim of the DGP and Michinaga to keep fighting and Keiwa…
She often struggles with… what happened. They all made the best choices they could with the information they had, but is that enough?
Was she right to leave, to curl up in a hotel room for weeks and look away from it all only to come back to… to Michinaga on a rampage, and Ace hiding secrets, and Keiwa breaking down?
And even when she came back she was out of the loop, and even when she was back in the loop she was helpless.
She thinks I should have been there to fight. She thinks I should have visited him when Sara died. She think that his World lasted over a week, and even if by choice, he was alone with only the worst of DGP staff, and they just don’t talk about it.
She thinks that she is so worried for him sometimes, even if she doesn’t usually find reason to be.
(But he seemed fine before she left, too.)
She drags herself from bed, still thinking if she should do anything. The answer she comes to is always the same.
Yes, but what?
She thinks about all this as she gets ready for the day, showered and dressed and done up.
She thinks about it when she sees Keiwa left food for her, smiling softly because he is unfairly nice.
She thinks as she answers emails, and she does not think as she opens her contacts.
“Hi, Mikkun.”
“Nago it’s the middle of the work day. Don’t be Geats.”
“How’s work going?”
“Good, should be back soon.”
“Great. I need to cheer up Keiwa and I don’t have any ideas.”
“So why are you asking me?” Michinaga asks..
“Because the two of you are normal,” Neon says. “I’d ask Ace, but as much fun as it would be, I don’t think a several thousand dollars night out would impress Keiwa.”
Michinaga scoffs.
“You aren’t wrong,” he says. “Just take him to that place he likes to eat or something. I am a terrible source for romance advice.”
“That’s what we usually do,” Neon says. She sighs. “Mikkun… he had another of those nightmares he won’t explain.”
Silence. Neon covers her face with her free hand.
“He’ll talk when he’s ready, you know,” Michinaga says, after some time passes. “We’ve established that pushing doesn’t work with him.”
Rather violently, so Neon heard.
“You’re right,” she says. “Thanks, Mikkun. At least food will help.”
Michinaga sighs.
“Break’s almost over,” he says. “Good luck.”
“I’ll need it.”
He hangs up.
Keiwa’s back to his usual self when she meets up with him later, and he’s having a good time, and honestly so is Neon because she invited Sara along, too, and Sara and Keiwa happen to be two of her favorite people.
The two just have such a natural brightness to them, especially next to each other, and Keiwa’s whining and blushing when Sara shoved him at Neon is frankly adorable.
“Nee-Chan!”
“You look tired, Keiwa,” Sara says. “Go enjoy having the most perfect girlfriend in the world. And be sure to play nice.”
She winks, and Neon laughs as Keiwa whines again. Neon grabs his arm lightly.
Sara is in on it, in that she says Keiwa called her that afternoon and just listened to her ramble for 20 minutes, then Sara called Neon to ask if anything happened.
“How about we stay at your place instead?” Neon asks. Keiwa blinks.
“…sure,” he says. “Am being set up or something?”
“Not that I can tell,” Sara says, still smiling.
Keiwa is shifty all night until they get ready for bed, but he does seem calm when they get there.
“This was definitely a setup,” he says. Neon leans against him.
“Maybe a little,” she says. “But I won’t force you. I just need to know if you’re okay.”
“And I am!” Keiwa exclaims. “I promise, I… I don’t even know what’s wrong, but it’s usually not a problem. Just sometimes I feel… nevermind. I’m fine.”
Neon sighs and climbs into his lap. He flinches, but buries his face in her shoulder a moment later.
“Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy,” he says.
“You aren’t,” Neon says. “But if it takes time, I’m here.”
Keiwa clings to her, and Neon lets him.
Somehow, even if she’s still worried… she knows it’ll be okay.