Work Text:
---------Tsukishima’s POV----------
Yet another restless night. The pain in my hips and legs is unbearable, but I can’t tell anyone. This pain has been constant for two weeks now. Yes, I may be used to pain, seeing as I have some sort of pain every day, but this, this is worse. My alarm goes off for the third time, and instead of ignoring it, I push myself out of bed. Wincing, I stand up. My legs were shaking at a mildly alarming rate. It took a few seconds to balance myself. It hurts…it all hurts so bad… I pull my phone off its charger and stumble over to my closet to slip into my uniform. My phone dinged from my dresser, glancing over at the screen. A familiar name pops up, causing a small smile to grow on my face. I reach for my phone, immediately opening the message.
Message from Toshi <3: Good morning, Dear.
Message from Toshi <3: How did you sleep?
I smile a little wider, immediately shooting back a reply.
Message from you: Good morning, Hon.
Message from you: Sleep was a little iffy, but I’m awake.
I stagger across my room, grabbing my bag, and checking that everything I need is in there. My phone buzzes again, but I wait a few minutes to answer. I grab my headphones and put them around my neck. I reach my door, sighing quietly before opening the door and carefully walk down the stairs, clinging to the handrail. I make it to the end of the stairs, slowly sitting down on the last step to let the pain in my legs simmer a little. I pull out my phone again, rubbing my eyes while I open my messages.
Message from Toshi <3: I am sorry to hear that. Do you think you’ll be able to make it through the day?
Message from you: I’ll make it, don’t worry.
Message from Toshi <3: Alright Dear, let me know if you need anything.
Message from Toshi <3: I have to head to school now, I’ll text you later.
Message from Toshi <3: I love you, Dear.
Message from you: Have a good day, I love you
I slip my phone into my pocket. I grip the rail to stand back up, wincing as a throb circles in my hips. I slowly walk over to the kitchen, grabbing something quick to eat before I head out to school. My mother was still asleep, and I was the only other person in the house. Grabbing a water bottle from the fridge, I took a few pain pills from the medicine drawer. I take a deep breath before pulling on my shoes, praying that the medicine will reduce this pain. I open the door and leave the house, finding Yamaguchi standing on my doorstep. I give him a small nod, closing the door and locking it. We start our walk to school, mostly in silence aside from the silent whimper from me and the little, normal chatter from Yamaguchi. I couldn’t focus on what he was saying though, my mind was too preoccupied with how to solve this pain. We arrived at school much faster than I had expected. Yamaguchi led me to the club room so we could prepare for morning practice. But, I didn’t think I could make it through this practice. I sat in the club room for several minutes while my teammates rushed to get changed and into the gym. Reluctantly, I pull off my uniform and quickly put on my practice clothes. I wince as I leave the club room, rushing towards the gym. When I step in, I get a slight scolding from Coach Ukai for being late, but I can’t focus on a single word. My hips were throbbing. It was shooting down my legs. My feet felt numb. I couldn’t do this. Help…My legs won’t work…I can’t do this… I tried running through drills, but by the time we hit actual practice, I couldn't get off the floor. Pain was now coursing through my body, and I couldn’t move at all. I motioned for Yamaguchi to come over, quietly asking him for help. His face grew concerned as he lifted me off the ground. I couldn’t hold myself up. Yamaguchi immediately took me out of the gym.
“Do you need ice? Water? Fresh air? Do you want to just sit out here for a bit? Should I tell Coach you can’t practice? What do you need?” I was overwhelmed with all the questions. I could only focus on the throbbing in my lower half. I just shook my head.
“Can I have some water..? And yes, please tell Coach I need to sit out today…”
He nods immediately, rushing inside to tell Coach and grab my water bottle. I slowly and carefully laid down on my back, hoping to relieve some of the pain. This sucks…I feel so..incompetent… I close my eyes only to hear Yamaguchi coming back over to me, very obviously concerned.
“Tsukki…you gotta tell me what’s going on..”
I let out a soft sigh, sitting back up and wincing.
“Well…you know how I complain about pain on like…a daily? Well, for the last two weeks now, I’ve been in that pain but multiplied by ten…it’s horrid…I can barely walk..I can’t stand for longer than ten minutes without needing a break…I think..I think something is genuinely wrong with me…”
I watched as Yamaguchi’s concern turned into sympathy. He handed me my water and sat next to me.
“Tsukki, what’s your normal pain level…on a scale of one to ten?”
“Um…like a four? Why?”
“You…do realize normal pain levels are zero..right?”
My face twisted a little. Deep down, yes, I knew that, but it was so normal to me to be in some sort of pain every day. I winced, yet again, and this time he noticed.
“Tsukki, what’s your pain level currently?”
“Um..it’s like..an eight or nine..”
His concern immediately came back.
“Did you take any meds?”
I nodded, not trusting my voice anymore. I could feel tears pricking in my eyes from the pain circling in my legs. He racked his brain, trying to find any solution possible to help me. Of course, there was nothing. Nothing could really fix this. I wanted my boyfriend. I just wanted to hear his voice. To feel his arms around me. To feel the safe atmosphere he creates.
“Can I have my phone? I want to talk to Toshi…”
Yamaguchi smiled and immediately got up, rushing off to the club room to grab my phone. He was back rather quickly, making me smile. I quickly opened my messages and first sent something to my mom.
Message from you: Mom, I don’t think I can make it through school today.
Message from you: Yamaguchi is suggesting we talk to a doctor as well
After those two messages were sent, I quickly moved over to Toshi’s and I’s messages.
Message from you: Toshi?
Message from you: I’m going home, I cannot make it through today
Message from you: Yams is also telling to let you know what’s going on with me today..and the past week
Message from Toshi <3: Is everything okay?
Message from you: I wouldn’t say okay so to speak, but I’m not dying
Message from Toshi <3: Tell me what’s going on Kei, you have my full attention.
Message from you: Okay, so, basically, I have a lot of pain. Everyday. It affects my health, my sleep, my productivity, everything. For two weeks now, the pain has been amplified by a huge amount. I tried doing drills today and ended up in so much pain that I couldn’t move at all
Message from you: I’m going to have my mom set up a doctor’s appointment so I can talk about this with him. Yamaguchi asked me a couple questions so I could know which disorder to pinpoint with my doctor and apparently my symptoms and experiences all match those of Fibromyalgia
Message from you: I’m a little scared honestly..That is a chronic illness and there’s no cure..I’d just have to live with it for the rest of my life. And, if it’s to a certain point, I will be classified as disabled…
Message from Toshi <3: Okay, for starts, I need you to take a deep breath. I understand that this is a scary time, and I am so sorry that you are going through so much pain. I wish you had told me about this pain sooner, I could’ve helped. Or at least have tried to help. I’m really glad you are seeing a doctor about this. I will do some research on this illness so I can have a better understanding of how to help you if that is what it turns out to be.
Message from you: Thank you Toshi..I love you so much..
Message from Toshi <3: Of course, Dear. I love you too
My mom arrived at the school when I received that last message. I watched her rush over to me while Yamaguchi helped me stand up. Pain shot through my legs from my hips and I hissed in pain. This isn’t fair… My mom rambled off worries, and thankfully, Yamaguchi answered for me. I don’t think I could handle speaking at the moment. Right now, all I could focus on was the fact that my legs were about ready to give up. My knees buckled a little under my weight and I fell forward. Yamaguchi caught me, helping me to the car, which I was suddenly very grateful my mom had taken instead of just walking the three blocks to my school. I sat in the passenger’s side of the car, waiting for my mom to finish her conversation so we could go home. I felt small, like a child. I felt like something was wrong with me. Something I couldn’t quite figure out. I think he’s right…shit…everyone’s going to lose their respect for me when they figure out I’m disabled…will anyone even believe me? FM is an invisible disability…how am I supposed to do this?! I hadn’t realized I was picking at my skin until my mom’s warm hand gripped mine.
“Let’s go home dear, we have to get ready for our doctor’s trip,”
I smiled a little. She’s not calling me over dramatic…she’s not calling me a hypochondriac…maybe people will believe me… I sat up straight, to the best of my ability, and watched the streets pass as we made our way home.