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“How was your date?”
“Weird- I mean, he was cute and funny, and everything was going great. Then we went to his flat, and he- he became strange. He kept laughing obnoxiously high, and during sex, he was loud- extremely loud.”
“Extremely loud?”
“It’s just that it was almost like…”
“Like what?”
“Like he wanted his neighbour to hear him.”
“Freaky. Maybe he’s a voyeur or something. What was his name again?”
“Remus. Remus Lupin.”
<<<
“And he kept laughing like he had a clown in there!”
“Maybe the guy he had over was just-”
Sirius huffed annoyed at Peter's suggestion, “No, listen, he never laughed that way with me. He must have done that on purpose for me to hear.”
“Or the guy was just very funny.”
“No, he wasn’t. It was that high-peached laugh he does when you say your dad jokes.”
“Wait. Are you saying he doesn’t find them funny?”
“No, yes, I mean-”
“Are my dad jokes not funny to Remus?” Peter’s voice now was as high pitched almost as Remus’ laugh the night prior, Sirius thought.
“Sorry Wormy, but sometimes he laughs just to make you happy,” he stated blatantly.
Peter took a sip of tea looking affronted, “I personally think my jokes are funny,” he defended himself.
“You in for a pizza?” Sirius offered as an apology.
“Sorry,” Peter bit his lip, “but I already had plans with Remus tonight.”
“Oh,” Sirius suddenly sat up straight, “It’s ok- I mean, It’s normal you want to spend time with him too.”
“I’m sorry,” he insisted, “but I need to split time between you two.”
“I understand,” Sirius mumbled.
Peter sighed dejectedly, “Why did you say you broke up again?”
“Oh, you know, just the usual stuff.”
<<<
knock knock
Sirius got up from the couch as the chatter of his friends accompanied him to open the door of his flat. A very upset Remus stood in front of him. The view of his scrunched nose and his frowning brow made Sirius’ heart flutter, but his mouth betrayed his thoughts. “What do you want?”
Remus huffed, already looking impatient, “They mixed our mail again,” he said. His eyes kept looking behind Sirius’ shoulders in search of something.
“Well, give me mine then,” Sirius gestured at the bunch of mail held by Remus, who seemed to not have heard him as he was swinging on his feet, trying to look even more blatantly into the apartment.
“Will you please give me my mail?” Sirius insisted.
“Do you have people over?”
“Yes, Why?”
“Nothing, just asking,” Remus said with a petulant tone, “Is that Marlene’s voice am I hearing?”
Before Sirius could answer, Remus shoved him aside to look better.
Suddenly he gasped loudly, “Oh my god. Marlene, how could you?” he muttered making Sirius snort at his dramatic tone.
“You’re having a hummus night!” Remus yelled indignant.
Marlene, caught in the act, dropped her pita bread covered in hummus on her plate, “It’s not how it seems-”
Remus brought his hand in front of his mouth in shock, “You cheater!”
At that moment James entered the living room, “Guys, I’ve outdone myself with this one,” he exclaimed with a pot of other hummus in his hands. His smile dropped when he saw Remus.
A quivering sound escaped his mouth, “I can explain-”
“I feel sick,” Remus cried before falling dramatically into Sirius’ arms as if he were fainting.
<<<
The sound of the door of the cafe being open woke Lily from her thoughts. She turned around to find Sirius coming towards her.
“You brought Paddy!” she beamed crouching in front of the big black dog that greeted her in return by jumping enthusiastically on her knees.
“It’s my turn to have Padfoot,” he explained while sitting.
Lily nodded, going back to her seat too, “So you still haven’t decided who gets to keep him.”
Sirius looked at her severely, “There’s no decision to make. We’ll just keep him together without being…you know together,” he said.
“Sirius, it’s not doable. Now you live next to each other, but eventually one of you is going to move and-”
“I’m very happy with my flat, and from what I know Remus is too with his own.”
“This isn’t the point! How can you get over your relationship if you see each other every day-”
“We don’t see each other every-”
“Yes, you do! multiple times a day even,” she scolded him.
Sirius huffed, “We’ll find a way,” he concluded the argument.
“Will you ever tell us why you broke up?”
“Let's order something,” Sirius said, picking up the menu and ignoring Lily.
“Mmh, I think I’ll just have a coffee,” she mumbled.
“Yeah, yeah me too.”
“What are you doing?” Lily suddenly said, looking at Sirius who was now sludged on his seat barely noticeable behind the menu, which he was holding strangely high.
“Nothing,” he said, his eyes fixed on the cafe’s door.
Lily turned around to look at the entrance where Sirius’ eyes were fixed. She suddenly gasped as she saw the familiar face of Remus with a guy enter the cafe. “Did you choose this place to spy on him?” she almost screamed at Sirius.
“No, I-”
“How did you even know?”
Sirius seemed to shrink even more in his seat before almost whispering, “The walls are very thin.”
<<<
“See, he keeps posting stories of him in these ugly places, when we both know he hates going to clubs,” Remus said between sobs.
“How can you see his stories? Didn’t you bloke him?”
“I made a fake profile.”
“Oh, Moony,” James patted his head, “He’s just trying to move on, aren’t you too?”
At his words, Remus started crying harder.
The cry was interrupted by the doorbell. “I’ll go open the door, you stay here,” James said looking at Remus’ wet eyes and his red nose full of snot. He was a pitying mess, he thought.
James opened the door, to a smiling Sirius. Padfoot, massive even beside his owner, jumped on him, his paws on James’ leg, pushing his head towards him in a silent demand for a pet.
“Oh, James,” Sirius grinned, “Remus forgot to give me Pads’ favourite ball. I’m taking him to the park,” he declared, leaning towards the door in all his Sirius-like charms.
“Yeah, I’ll fetch it for you.”
“Wait,” Sirius grabbed his arm, “Is everything ok? I mean why isn’t Remus- Why are you-” he started mumbling. This was very un-Sirius-like.
James sighed, that was really enough. “Follow me,” he said to Sirius before sprinting towards the couch where Remus, caught off guard by his ex-boyfriend's sight, tried to clean the mix of tears and mucus on his face with his sweater sleeves.
He looked towards his friend betrayed, “Why are you here? James, why-”
“Enough! The last month has been awful for everyone involved with you two. We’re all sick of hearing complain about each others’ hookups, and I’m at a point where I’m starting to hate hummus too cause we need to have double food-themed nights so no one gets offended!”
“I just-”
“No, shut up! Yesterday, Lily came home dead tired because you,” he gestured towards Sirius, “dragged her all night in every club you could find just to leave after five minutes cause all you wanted was to get a picture to make him mad. And you Remus, stop mixing your mail on purpose just to have an excuse to talk to him. Marlene had a package delivered to Sirius’ flat, and you have been keeping it hostage for two whole weeks.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Remus mumbled, stuffing his face onto Padfoot’s fur, who now was comfortable on his lap.
“I’ve seen it today under your bed!” James cried, “Now you two will sit here and finally tell me why you broke up!”
The two boys looked at each other, but neither spoke.
“Remus?” James demanded, raising his eyebrow at him in question.
“We wanted to move on together but…”
“You wanted to move on together?” James almost screamed exasperated, “How can you
break up after wanting to live together?”
Remus sighed, “It happens if you want to live with someone as stubborn as him-”
“Me? Stubborn? What about you then?”
“I said I was okay with your apartment if we moved my furniture to yours!”
“Like hell I’ll let you put this ugly orange couch in my house-”
James’ eyes went back and forth between the two litigants before collapsing on the ugly couch in question beside Remus. He placed his head in his hands capturing the attention of his friend who both went quiet as a hysteric laugh came out of James’ mouth, “Are you kidding me?”
He suddenly stood up earning a bark from Padfoot, “Did you make me and Pad child of divorce because you couldn’t agree on whose furniture to use in your shared flat?” he screamed at them.
Silence fell in the room. Remus opened his mouth and closed it again after looking at James' delirant gaze.
Sirius gained some courage and finally spoke, “The colour of the couch is a big deal-”
“Sirius!” James barked, “You’re adults. How can you split because of this?”
Remus, whose expression matched the one of his dog when scolded after chewing on someone's shoes, grabbed Sirius by the sleeve catching this way his attention, “James is right, maybe we can solve this and you know…get back together.”
Sirius’ eyes shined like he was seeing the sun after a long cold winter. He turned towards Remus and grabbed his hands, “Yes, we can! We can totally work on it.”
“I guess I can give up on some of my furniture,” Remus said, batting his eyelashes at Sirius. God , James felt like he was going to be sick.
Sirius grinned at Remus, and James could smell the pheromone being released in the room.
“And I guess can give up on that lamp you hate,” Sirius said.
Remus jumped on him the second the words left his mouth. In a wink, the two were onto each other, James turned toward Padfoot and grabbed his leash from the couch, careful to not interrupt the passionate reunion happening a few inches beside him.
“Let's go for a walk Pad. I think we’re a bit in the way here.”
<<<
A month later
“It’s me!” James screamed at the intercom. The building’s door opened with a click. As he entered a man his age appeared behind him. Noticing the building key in his hand, James held the door open for him to enter too.
“Thanks,” the guy greeted with a smile. The two stood waiting for the elevator in an awkward silence.
“Did you move recently? I’ve never seen you here before,” James broke the ice.
“Yes, I’ve actually moved yesterday. Which floor do you live on?”
“Oh, no, I don’t live here. My friends do,” he responded, “I’m James by the way," he said, offering his hands in greetings.
“Ben,” the other smiled shaking James’ hand.
“Do you like it here so far?”
Ben shrugged, “The place is nice, but my neighbours are quite loud at night. If you get what I mean,” he smiled shyly at James, “At least the former owner of my flat left me some of his furniture.”
James smiled, “nice,” he commented.
“Not much. Just a wardrobe and an ugly orange couch.”