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we were coming up on main street, she knew where she was now. I know, shes old. its amazing that she still even able to drive at 89. i can acknowledge that. we were almost at our house, i could finally sit down and take a nap.
"well, thank you for giving me directions, deadname".
my heart stopped for a moment. i felt like i was in one of those edits, the world goes all fuzzy for a second before snapping back into place. did she forget? she cant be forgetting already... can she?
"yeah yeah it was no problem"
"good thing your dad is picking your sister up, never would have been able to get back without your directions"
we have lived in this town for 10 years.
"that sure was a difficult drive"
it was about 4 turns. the total time to get there was about 5 minutes.
"yeah i guess it is, all those twists and turns" i forced out a small laugh
we were at the house.
"ill drive you up to your door and then go back down to mine, you dont have to walk up after giving me those wonderful instructions"
i messed up my lefts and rights a few times.
"thank you, ill see you later"
i opened the door,
i walked in,
my knees collapsed once i hit the carpet...
and started crying.
i went to go let the dog out of his crate.
im still crying
i sit with him for a bit, he just wants to play. i do my best to oblige with some halfhearted tugs at the toy he had in his mouth.
he got bored and started biting my hand i didnt have the energy to tell him off
im still crying
i just want to go take that nap
...and i want back the babcia i used to have.