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The sound of tiny giggles echoed through the halls as a tiny pair of feet scurried away from something – or rather, someone. The boy who was about 5 years of age looked back and grinned mischievously as a tall figure started to catch up with him. Just when he started to pick up his speed, he let out a gleeful squeal when he felt two strong arms grab him and lift him off the ground.
“Gotcha!” the man teased as he hoisted the boy against his torso. “It’s time for bed, sweetie”, he added affectionately and began turning to the direction of the boy’s bedroom.
“Dadddddy!” the boy playfully whined as he wiggled against his father’s strong hold but to no avail. They have reached his room at this point.
The father laughed and gently placed the still-energetic boy on his bed and sat beside him.
“I don’t wanna sweep yet,” the boy pouted, mispronouncing the word “sleep”.
His father let out a gentle laugh and replied, “Of course, you won’t. You’re as stubborn as – “, he halted and let out of an awkward cough instead.
“As who, daddy?” It was too late. He had piqued the boy’s curiosity. And knowing his son, he is ten times as curious as other kids his age. More persistent too.
“I think it’s time for you to sleep, kiddo”, the dad said instead.
“But I’m not sweepy yet,” the young boy argued, and a frown was slowly forming on his face.
The dad sighed and finally relented. “How about this,” he bargained, “I’ll tell you a story and you can sleep after.”
The boy seemed to contemplate before slowly nodding, accepting the deal – much to his father’s relief. So, the dad started to reposition the boy and tuck him in his blanket. But the boy sat up and pulled something from his nightstand drawer, baffling his dad.
“I wanna know abawwwt…. this one, Daddy,” the boy said, handing what seemed like a photograph to his father.
Albeit a bit confused, the father accepted the photo and turned it over to get a better look at it. His eyes widened in recognition, more so with who is in the picture.
It was actually two photos placed side-by-side and printed into one.
The photo on the left had several people in it, but their faces were blurred except for the two boys in the middle. The taller boy with the undercut has his head turned to his left and seemed like he was talking to someone who was not in the picture. Beside him was a boy shorter than him. This boy had his forehead covered with his bangs and was puffing his cheeks while seemingly staring at nothing in front of him. The two boys did not seem to be close to each other on the said photo and looked like they just happened to be beside each other.
I said remember this moment
In the back of my mind
It was a big contrast to the photo on the right wherein the same two boys were dressed in colorful suits while on some sort of a stage. The tall guy had his right arm around the shorter guy’s shoulders – his hand resting on the other guy’s right shoulder. The shorter guy had his bangs slightly curled this time and also had his left arm around the taller guy’s waist. They were both beaming at the crowd while the spotlight shone from behind them – illuminating their happy faces.
The time we stood with our shaking hands
The crowds in stands went wild
“I found it in your bedroom,” the little boy said while watching his father in anticipation. “This is you, Daddy, right?” he eagerly asked, pointing at the tall guy with the undercut.
The father took a moment to stare at the photo. He seemed to be traveling down memory lane – flashing moments in between the two photos and everything after the second photo. Each held a precious place in the core of his being.
“Yes,” the father answered in a soft tone. He smiled and finally faced his son whose eyes twinkled with a familiar childlike wonder while looking up to him. A look he had also seen worn by… him.
His smile got wider at the thought. He fondly patted the boy’s head and answered, “Yes, that’s me.”
The boy reciprocated the wide grin on his father’s face. He seemed to take his dad’s reaction as an encouragement as he eagerly leaned closer to his father and excitedly said, “Tell me more, Daddy!”
The father laughed at the boy who was almost bouncing on the mattress.
“That’s you with a biiiiiiiiiiig crowd with lots of people,” the boy started excitedly babbling, energy on full speed. “And that’s – “.
“Alright alright, calm down!” the father was starting to feel the stress of dealing with a hyper 5-year-old. But that did little to calm the little boy down. So, he started with the story that is about to become the young boy’s bedtime story.
“This photo,” the father pointed at the first half of the printed picture, “was me meeting one of the most important persons in my life,” he continued. “Besides you, of course,” he chuckled at the boy who giggled and started to nuzzle at his father’s side. “But I didn’t know it at that time yet,” he added. His eyes started to have a pensive look in them.
“How about this one,” the boy hurriedly pointed to the image next to the first one.
“This,” the father stared at the photo, “was when we performed in our very own concert.”
“Concewt?” the boy repeatedly with a curious tone.
The father nodded in affirmation. “Yes, a concert.” He then started to explain. “We sang and danced to the crowd who liked and supported us. It was our gift to them because we received many awards because of them.”
We were the kings and the queens
And they read off our names
The night you danced like you knew our lives
Would never be the same
“Awards?” the boy asked.
“We were given praises and honors for what we were doing,” the father explained as best as he could to the young boy.
“Did they give you stars and stickers too?” the boy innocently asked, much to his father’s amusement.
“They gave us more than that, kiddo,” the dad simply answered, smiling as the memories started coming back to him. “They changed our lives for the better.”
“You must’ve been so proud of yourselves,” the boy grinned.
“I was,” the father smiled. “I still am,” he added.
You held your head like a hero
On a history book page
“I am so proud of us.” The father added. “We were invincible.”
And his mind wandered back to the myriad of moments he spent with the guy in the picture.
It was the end of a decade
But the start of an age
“Papii.”
Off Jumpol whipped his head when he heard his co-actor – the one he was paired with for this particular series – suddenly said.
“What did you say?” He glared at the boy who was sporting a wide grin. Ever since they got paired together, this boy has been very naughty and – at times – annoying to him. He was like a little child with so much energy to spend and chose to spend it on Off.
“That’s what I’m gonna call you from now on,” the boy answered in a teasing manner. “Because you look like a puppy,” he added.
“I do not!” He said indignantly.
“Yes, you do,” the boy insisted. “You looked like my Papii,” he teased further.
“Gun Atthaphan, if you call me that one more time, I swear – “, he started to argue, but the other boy just bounced around him and yelled loudly.
“Papii! Papii! You’re my Papii!” Gun repeatedly said. He knew he was annoying his co-actor, but he was enjoying it. If there’s one thing that drew him to Off, that is how entertaining the other guy is when his temper flares.
Off sighed. He knew it was a lost cause with this little mouse.
And so, he officially became Papii to Gun who refuses to call him by his real first name. He called him “Papii” a lot of times to the point that the people around them started picking up the name and calling him “Papii” too. It took a while for him to get used to the name, but he slowly accepted his faith in the hands of a persistent boy named Gun Atthaphan.
He didn’t know at that time that he was not only slowly getting used to the odd nickname, but also to Gun’s presence in his life too.
The realization only hit him when he caught Gun who was jumping onto him for a hug.
He let out a big “ooff” when a small body collided with his. But his hands automatically encircled the much smaller boy around his waist as the said boy nuzzled his face against the taller guy’s neck and showered it with soft kisses.
“Papii! I missed you,” Gun whispered against his neck.
Hearing that made Off smiled. He missed the little guy too.
It was the first time since they first met that they hadn’t seen each other for so long. He got so used to Gun’s constant presence in his everyday life that when he was away, he started to unconsciously feel like something was missing – like his days weren’t complete even though he was technically on a vacation in a beautiful place.
He was there to relax and get his mind off of the work he left in Bangkok. Instead, his thoughts kept drifting to what he left at home. Specifically, to who was back in Bangkok.
He tried to resist, but he would go shopping and the voice in his head would say, “Hey, Gun would love this,” … “This would look good on Gun.” Or he would visit a popular tourist destination and his mind would go, “I can’t wait to show this to Gun. He would love this,” and, “Maybe I could take Gun here someday.”
It took him a week to admit it to himself. But everything keeps reminding him of Gun.
In fact, he didn’t realize just how much he missed his acting partner until he saw him running down the hall to welcome him back from his trip. But with Gun’s arms around his neck and their hearts thumping against their chests in between them, Off became hyper-aware of his thoughts and feelings.
On his final night away from the little guy, he finally allowed himself to think… just a little bit. He tested the imaginary waters and slowly opened the forbidden compartments of his mind which he was previously adamant about keeping closed. And he asked himself the questions that would open a faucet that would flood his whole being. There were many questions, but Off knew (though he dared not admit) that it would ultimately lead to one answer. But alas, he did not get the answer that night. Rather, he was scared to know the answer.
But these hesitations and worries vanished as soon as he caught a glimpse of the man who dominated his thoughts and his dreams running down the halls in full speed, ready to crash into him. Gun Atthaphan is small, but he is a domineering force that had crashed into Off’s quiet life and wreaked havoc ever since. Strangely, Off doesn’t mind the chaos. In fact, if it’s Gun Atthaphan, it is always a welcomed destruction, and Off would never crave for peace again if Gun isn’t in it.
And it was at that moment, with Gun warm in his hands and the people around them blurred into insignificance, that Off knew that he was in love with Gun Atthaphan.
I said remember this feeling
I passed the pictures around
“Daddy?”
Off was pulled from his reverie by the voice of his son who was curiously looking up at him. He was so lost in his memories that he didn’t realize he was staring blankly at the pictures.
They were good memories that warmed his heart. Of course, there were also bad memories, but he chose to focus on the good ones because those were what mattered to him. The bad times brought him lessons, but it was the good times that made him survive.
So, he held on to the feeling like a lifeline. He didn’t allow himself to forget. He couldn’t afford to.
He held on to it until it hurt.
Off glanced at his son who was still waiting for him to say something. He smiled and kissed his son’s head before starting his story.
It was a story of how two boys fell in love with one another and how they fought the odds just to stay together.
Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines
Wishing for right now
The OffGun ship was becoming a household name in Thailand and had even crossed international boundaries. What started as merely a supporting role gig for the two actors became a sensation that people couldn’t get enough of. It opened opportunities and countless hits and pushed both men into the limelight.
Off never imagined in his wildest dreams that things would go this way. A few years ago, he was just a boy doing MC and acting gigs just enough to pay his rent and some leisure activities. Of course, he dreamed of being a well-known celebrity at one point in his career, but he never thought he would exceed what he had in mind. One moment, he was clapping for his friends who received recognition for their acting careers, and the next moment, he was on stage with Gun receiving his own award.
Gun was over the moon! He was a child actor going through roles not knowing where life would take him. And it took him to many places. But most importantly, it took him to Off Jumpol – his partner, the love of his life.
We are the kings and the queens
You traded your baseball cap for a crown
When they gave us our trophies
And we held them up for our town
Off never thought that he would love Gun. He thought he was straight! Though looking back, he never really explored his sexuality. He was open to same-sex relationships around him, but he never really dug deeper into it. Yet with Gun, it flowed naturally like it was never a question in the first place.
Now, if one would ask him to go back to how he was before Gun in his life, he couldn’t imagine how his life would be. Gun was his other half – his better half (though Gun would argue).
Gun’s presence in his life taught Off to be patient and motivated him to do better to match Gun’s overflowing acting prowess and to be the partner Gun deserves both on and off screen. In turn, he became Gun’s comfort person. He made sure to take care of Gun because he was his beacon of light – the one that made him strive to be the best version of himself. Gun makes him happy as they continue to be by each other’s side.
They acted in many series together. They performed together on stage. They have been to lots of places together. They climbed the ladder of success together.
They were on top of their game.
They were in love with each other.
And they wouldn’t hesitate to shout to the whole world how much they are in love with each other.
And the cynics were outraged
Screaming, "This is absurd"
'Cause for a moment, a band of thieves
In ripped-up jeans got to rule the world
It was a typical boy meets boy story – as typical as a same-sex relationship could be… except them being celebrities made sure that everything they do is viewed under a microscope.
The world is not perfect and some traditional values continue to exist despite being outdated and plain disgusting. Though they have never directly confirmed their status, many could tell Off and Gun were in love. Their family and friends were accepting, but the industry that paved the way for them to meet each other was divided.
Apparently, shipping same-sex couples is more acceptable when it is fictional. When reel turns to real, it is a different story. Though most are accepting, some are still stuck to their homophobic views.
Every now and then, unsolicited comments would be thrown at the couple’s way – some bordering rude. Though both are getting better at ignoring these types of comments, there are times that one or two comments would get to them. During such, they held onto each other much stronger. They were each other’s anchor that kept them grounded amidst the spiral winds of the entertainment industry.
But the force that wanted to pry them apart kept getting stronger.
Fame was a double-edged sword, they have said. More projects also meant more time apart from each other when acting with different people. More popularity meant not being able to go out on dates in public. More people around you meant more opinions on your personal life. After all, this is showbiz: the more you do and say, the more the public could scrutinize you.
When life got in the way, they showed the world that two shining stars make one hell of a supernova. Nothing could stop them as they continue to shine. Screw the haters because they’ve got each other and that’s what mattered most.
Hold on to spinning around
Confetti falls to the ground
May these memories break our fall
And life did get in the way. Good times could never last.
Off unconsciously grimaced when a particularly painful memory grazed his thoughts.
Gun with tears brimming his eyes stood before him. Off wanted to reach to his face and wipe the tears away, but he was frozen at the moment.
Life was cruel at times, especially to two people who just wanted to be together.
“I guess this is it?” Gun managed to whisper painfully.
Off wanted to shake his head – to hug Gun tight and never let go. He wanted to curse the world for being unfair.
“Papii…” Gun said softly as a sob finally broke through.
Off shut his eyes tight, feeling immense pain in his chest. “No,” he finally managed to say.
“But it’s for the best,” Gun said through tears.
Off finally had the strength to cross the distance between them and caged the sobbing boy in his arms. He clung to Gun because he knew that if he let go, he would be letting go of the best thing that happened in his life. He held on to his life which was about to crumble any moment now.
A lone tear fell down his cheek as their memories together flashed through his mind like a movie. Fast forward but slowed down at the same time. He desperately held on to each one of them – taking pictures in his mind and framing them so that he wouldn’t forget.
“No,” the broken man repeated.
“What happened, Daddy?”
Will you take a moment?
Promise me this
That you'll stand by me forever
Off looked down at his son once again.
“Why do you look so sad?” the boy asked. His face pulled into a frown because he did not like seeing his daddy being sad.
“It’s nothing,” Off replied, smiling slightly at the little boy to assure him he was fine now. “It’s just that sometimes, life won’t go the way you plan it and you don’t always get what you want,” he explained.
“Promise me that we will never be apart?” a phantom voice said in his head, but Off just smiled sadly.
But his son was too young to understand…
But if, God forbid, fate should step in
…that life is not all sunshine and rainbows. Life is also cold and unforgiving. It can give you the love that you will never forget in a lifetime and also take away that same love in one breath.
And force us into a goodbye
Goodbyes are painful. Off hated goodbyes. He hated it more when Gun said goodbye to him. He never wanted to say goodbye. But life happened.
“Papii,” Gun said after a while. They were still stuck in each other’s arms, stalling the inevitable goodbye. “Promise me?” Gun whispered against Off’s chest.
“Hmm?” Off agreed despite not knowing what he was supposed to be promising. He would promise anything except to stop loving the man in his arms.
If you have children someday
“One day,” Gun swallowed another round of tears that was bursting to come out. “Someday, when you will have your own family…” Gun was so proud that he managed not to stutter at the painful thought.
But Off was already shaking his head. “I will only it if it’s with you,” Off cried.
“Papii, please,” Gun begged and broke the hug despite Off’s protest. Instead, he held Off’s face with both hands to force the taller to look at him. “Listen to me, please?” he said softly.
Off had no control of his tears now. He felt like he was dying.
“No matter what happens in the future,” Gun continued as he too started to cry again. “No matter how many people come into your life…Please,” he begged.
“Please don’t forget about me.”
When they point to the pictures
But Off’s son is wise for his age. He somehow understood what was happening as he suddenly pointed to the other guy in the picture.
“You wove each other a lot, don’t you, Daddy?” the five-year-old said knowingly.
Off smiled at his son. He knew his son was intelligent beyond his years. However, it was his son’s emphatic ability and emotional intelligence that really set him apart from other children his age. Off felt proud as a parent.
He nodded. “Yes, we do, kiddo,” he answered. “We love each other a lot.”
The boy was getting sleepy, but Off could see that his son is fighting off the drowsiness because he was stubborn like that. Any minute now, Off knew, the boy would fall asleep.
“And me?” the boy yawned, eyes already drooping.
Off chuckled and kissed his son’s cheeks. “I love you a lot too, sweetie.”
“I wove you too,” the boy replied before finally falling asleep.
Off heaved a sigh of relief.
“Had a hard time putting your son to sleep?”
A soft voice made Off turn around at the doorway where the owner of the voice was leaning while looking at him fondly despite the teasing remark.
Please tell them my name
“Gun Atthaphan”
Tell them how the crowds went wild
Tell them how I hope they shine
“Don’t scare me like that,” Off scolded though without bite.
The said boy laughed softly and gestured for Off to come closer. “I heard your bedtime story,” he teased as he and Off stepped out of the bedroom.
It was Off’s turn to laugh. “You're home early. How’s work, Nuu?” he asked as they walked through the hallway.
“It was boring without you,” Gun replied and Off shook his head. Gun was still that little flirt after all these years.
“Luckily, we have a shooting together tomorrow,” Off teased. “You would see my face again the entire day.”
“I always see your face,” Gun teased back. “I’m surprised I’m not tired of you yet.
“You can’t get tired of me,” Off whined, grabbing Gun’s arm and shaking it playfully. “You’re stuck with me forever so you better get used to it. You can’t get rid of me.”
Gun snorted and playfully shoved the taller man away. “Papii, we have a new series together for the nth time and we literally have our anniversary concert next month. How could I get rid of you?”
Off playfully whined like a kid – a side that is only reserved for Gun. “Are those the only reason you won’t get rid of me?”
Gun rolled his eyes. Off acts cool and manly to many, but he really is just a clingy man in need of words of affirmation when with Gun. “And of course, because I love you,” Gun finally said.
Off was grinning widely now. “I wove you too,” he replied in the tone his son used earlier which made Gun laugh.
“Your son really takes after you,” Gun remarked.
“Hey,” Off retorted. “He is your son too!”
Long live the walls we crashed through
How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
Gun just laughed at his husband… his husband that he fought for and fought life with. The love of his life that he almost lost.
He can’t believe he was lucky enough to keep this man in his life even after everything.
I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"
Life was hard and it almost cost them each other. But even life is not strong enough to permanently severe the combined forces of destiny and the sheer will of two people who love each other so much.
They say that true love is a myth and that magic only exists in movies. But in this lifetime, Off and Gun proved that they can create their own magic.
And bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid
And no matter how many tried to break them apart again, Off and Gun never let them. It’s always Off and Gun even if it’s against the world.
Now that they have their little miracle, it’s another reason to fight for everything they have – to fight for the people that matter.
Long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
The last few years flashed in Gun’s mind – the break-up, the hard talk to the management and other important people, the long and rough road they had to follow to get married to each other, the fight for equality and against discrimination – they emerged as victors at the end of this very long tunnel.
And though the road to forever is not easy, with what they have right now, the journey to get here was worth it.
This time, they chose to fight together.
This time, they did not allow life to break them apart.
This time means forever.
I was screaming, "Long live the look on your face"
And bring on all the pretenders
One day we will be remembered
Looking at his husband’s face right now, Gun knew he made all the right decisions leading him to his Northern Star. Who knew that giving up everything meant he gained everything?
They faced a lot of discrimination and scrutiny in the past, but all those words are irrelevant to what they have right now. The hate was not only irrelevant to them but to their real fans as well.
Off and Gun – the power forces that not only defied the harsh realities of life for same-sex couples but also made an impact on the industry and the system as well.
There will come a day when the harsh words and unfair judgment thrown their way will be forgotten by many. But OffGun? People will remember them forever.
Off smiled as he felt how sentimental their night had become. They have reached their bedroom now and he did not hesitate to pull Gun down to bed with him.
Long live the walls we crashed through
He would never let this go. He would never let Gun go. He fought for this and he would let nothing ruin this life for him.
He loved every minute of his life with Gun and their family. If Off had a chance to go back to his past, he wouldn’t change anything in the world.
“Gun?” Off whispered while still holding Gun.
“Papii?” Gun replied, also holding on to Off.
“I had the time of my life with you.”
Everything was perfect.