Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Kei and Hitoka started dating, they agreed to take their relationship slowly. They wanted to go through each stage of a relationship in a very careful manner. After all, they started as friends, so neither wanted to ruin it unnecessarily by rushing things. Moreover, they had built enough trust in each other to just enjoy their time together without any added pressure.

Even after their first anniversary, they still hadn’t really talked much about the future, or more specifically, their future. Kei wasn’t worried about that though, because even if they hadn’t talked about it, that didn’t mean he never thought about such things on his own.

In fact, it wasn’t about a will-they-won’t-they kind of question, but more about a when-will-it-going-to-happen kind of question.

Because for him, it was just so obvious from the start that Hitoka was going to be the one. He could never picture himself with anyone else. It might sound ridiculous—especially for Kei who never relied much on instinct—but somehow it just clicked for him, and he assumed that Hitoka had the same thought as him.

Clearly, he was wrong.

To be quite honest with himself, there was always a tiny part of him that constantly worried that Hitoka would get tired of him and decide to end their relationship. That precisely why he took it really hard when Hitoka called him that day, exactly one year ago, to tell him that they should break up.

During that, he already had an inkling that Hitoka was struggling with a personal problem, but since he didn’t want to force the words out of her, he decided to wait until she wanted to talk about it.  

He thought he was doing her a favor, and yet, looking at the outcome, maybe he should have been more adamant toward her. He should have known better that Hitoka would hide her feelings when she was troubled by something. He should have been more active with her.

Maybe she wanted to tell him, but she couldn’t. Was it because she did not trust him? Or worse, was it because she was afraid that he would judge? Kei could not help but wonder whether he caused the mess or not. Maybe he didn’t let himself be within her reach or let himself be more available to her when she needed him the most.

He tried to remember what kind of wrongdoing he might have done to her. But he couldn’t find any. Sure, he wasn’t a perfect partner like those dashing protagonists in romantic movies, but he considered himself to be agreeable enough. Hitoka never really complained about his treatment either—but then again, she had never been in a relationship before, so she probably didn’t have any other frameworks to compare to.

Moreover, as much as Hitoka’s phone call had ruined his feelings into tiny fragments of sorrow, he could also tell that she was not thrilled about it either. In fact, that phone call felt way more agonizing for her to do than for him to listen. The way her voice shuddered with sobs and sniffles made him loathe the distance that separated them.

If only he was there, he could easily pull her into his embrace. He would let her pour out all of her overwhelming emotions to him. She could cry at him, slap him, or even punch him, anything really, he didn’t care. If it would make her feel better, he would gladly offer himself for her. He just wanted to be there for her.

Yet, all he could do during that phone call was to listen helplessly to her sadness in silence. He didn’t even realize that he was gripping his phone so tightly when he tried to think about what his replies should be. In the end, he suggested that they should take some time off from each other to clear off their mind before they make their ultimate decision about it. If the worst comes to the worst, he didn’t want it to be a rushed decision.

It sounded like a mature solution, but thinking back, he probably did it because he couldn’t think of anything else that could make him prolong their relationship, even for only a little while.

It was a little pathetic, to be honest, but he swallowed his pride for he could not let go of her just yet.

People say that if you love someone, you must have the courage to let the relationship go when it is no longer working. To be fair, he knew that very well. It wasn’t like he would pester her nonstop, begging her to not break up with him. If she, by the end of their off period, wanted to break up with him, he would accept it like an adult. He would let her go if being with him was no longer making her happy.

However, people also say that if you love someone, then you have to give everything to make the relationship work, and he believed that with all his heart. He was willing to put all the effort into their relationship because he knew she was worth everything. He liked to think that he was the luckiest man in the world to have a partner like her.

Therefore, for him—at least he tried to convince himself—this was just a little hurdle in their relationship. He was sure that they could work it out. He could work it out.

Where did that belief come from, he didn’t know. But he did know how baffling it was to realize that he, the apathetic and aloof Tsukishima Kei, would want to work hard for something other than volleyball and academics.

Then again, it was Yachi Hitoka that he was talking about.

If his younger self from the past saw him dating the sweet-tempered manager in the future, he would probably lose his marbles. Not because he couldn’t believe that he would date her, but because he couldn’t believe that she would date him.

When he saw her for the first time, he thought she was a very odd girl. She was all shaky and confused, just like a drowned kitty. Despite being intrigued by her, he didn’t say anything to her that day, because he was sure she wouldn’t want to manage a bunch of male teenagers who reek sweat every day.

Yet, he was proven wrong when she returned to the gym with a bright smile as she talked with Hinata. He later learned that she had taught the freak duo when he refused to teach them. Hinata even said he got one-third of his test right. It wasn’t great, but Kei did have to admit that it was a huge improvement. Because of that, she earned a bit of respect from him.

It also didn’t miss his attention on how easy it was for Hinata to befriend Hitoka. They became friends in less than five meetings—that he was almost impressed with. But again, it shouldn’t be a surprise since they were quite similar; they were able to speak with weird sound effects for example.

Even Kageyama, a person with almost zero interpersonal skills, had no problem interacting with Hitoka. Somehow, she just knew how to approach a person like Kageyama.

It didn’t take very long for everyone in the volleyball club to welcome Hitoka when she eventually decided to join as the new manager. Amongst them, there was Yamaguchi. Kei had known Yamaguchi for years, so he understood it immediately when he caught the way Yamaguchi glanced at Hitoka. He had seen “that” Yamaguchi plenty of times before, but Kei just pretended that he had never notice it. He wasn’t surprised though that a cheerful person like Hitoka would be the subject of affection for his friend.

Looking back, during their early days, it was actually quite rare for them to interact. If they did interact, it was mostly involving common volleyball club activities—giving towels, bottles, and uniforms—or involving the Hinata and Kageyama support study group. She was the main teacher, but Yamaguchi would also help from time to time. Kei would make an appearance sporadically; he would try to teach them for 10 minutes before getting irritated at their stupidity.

Hence, he could tell how patient Hitoka was with the freak dunce duo. He was not an esper, but he could tell the genuineness from the way her eyes twinkled when Hinata or Kageyama were able to answer her questions accurately. It was never a chore or obligatory for her. Moreover, she was also a great teacher. They learned better under her tutelage than him.

Then somehow, he realized that for someone as small as Hitoka, she was always able to catch his attention. He tried to justify this by thinking that it was already in his nature to analyze everyone, therefore she wasn’t special or anything. If she did receive more attention from him, it was most likely because he wouldn’t want to bump into or hurt her in an accident.

That was why he also noticed that as time passed by, her fears of stray balls or tall members or opponents slowly dissipated. Gone was the once meek girl who always tailed behind Kiyoko. Instead, she blossomed into a strong-spirited girl with a passion and love for the team to the point that she was able to invite two new managers to the team.

Truly, she was something else.

However, enough of that. Why did he reminisce about something that happened years ago?  It was not the time for that. He needed to focus!

Kei took a deep breath, and he gradually felt his whole body is burning from all the heat that emitting from his own skin and his surroundings. He called himself back from the reverie, letting all his senses adjust to the stimulus from around him. In just one second, the loud echeers from the stadium quickly blared into his eardrums. In the middle of that, he could catch that his teammates were muttering something in front of him.

He opened his eyes and the sight of the orange court immediately flooded into her eyes with such vividity and brightness. They even looked like they were glistening underneath the blinding lights of the stadium.

Kei glanced at the big black screen on the side that displayed a big number of five in the middle. On either side of it, there were two numbers: 19 and 20.

A deuce.

The score of 20 belonged to Sendai Frogs, which meant it was their match point, and they would only need one point to emerge with number one rank in the Volleyball League Division 2 in that April of 2022. They wanted to win, that one was obvious, but this particular win would be a lot different than usual. Their win would also give them a ticket to advance their club to rise into Division 1 next season.

Kei took a deep breath as he dribbled the blue and yellow ball onto the floor. He glanced forward and realized that no matter how many times he had done it, being the person who had to serve the first ball would always be a nerve-racking experience.

He might have scored their previous point because they were able to take advantage of the fact that their opponent was in the weakest rotation, but he doubted he would be able to pull the same trick twice. He could, but it would be a gamble, and he didn’t like that. Fortunately, he had another strategy up his sleeve, something that he had been practicing for quite a while.

Kei took a step forward while at the same time, he threw the ball upward, then he jumped at the third step, serving the ball right into the opponent’s side of the court. The ball floated in the air, and no one could tell which way it was going to land.

The libero of the opposing thing was known to be very precise and agile; he seldom missed the ball. However, Kei had been watching him throughout the whole game, and it seemed Kyoutani was already getting on his nerves. Kei thought he could use it to his advantage, but he never thought his jump float would be enough for it.

He was wrong.

It was the climax of the game, which meant all of them—including the Sendai Frogs—were exhausted, the pressure from the deuce itself could not be any more imminent to the opposing team. Moreover, Kei himself wasn’t particularly known for his jump float. Therefore, those were probably the reasons why the libero reacted a little too late when the ball shifted midair.

Before they all knew it, the ball fell right into their arena.

A long whistle was soon heard, and just like that, the whole stadium exploded with cheers. All the voices, be it from his teammates, from the commentator, from the audience, and from the coach are merging into one high-pitched voice. For a few seconds, Kei thought the world was shaking as he tried to make sense of what had just happened.

Then when it finally sunk on him, he immediately turned his head toward the one arena in the stadium where he could see them.

There, he could see his older brother, Yamaguchi, and Ryuunosuke were bawling their eyes out while waving their hands enthusiastically at him. On the other hand, Saeko was screaming his name repeatedly in such excitement while Kiyoko was smiling tearfully at him while clapping her hands.

Then his eyes caught a small figure with long blonde hair, that was pulled into a ponytail, stood right in the middle. Her face was visibly red and wet from all the tears and emotions. She was rubbing her face, but it was futile since it didn’t stop her tears. She was a mess, but the way she raised two of her thumbs at him when he looked at her and the way her smile bloomed despite the tears made his stomach flutter.

Kei raised his hand and nodded toward them. However, he could not see their reactions as he was immediately tackled by his teammates who group-hugged him. They thanked and complimented him on his technique, some even rubbed his hair. It was thrilling and he could not help but smile widely as he stared at his right palm.

After the ceremony and doing some post-game cool down, the team was given some free time before their meeting in the changing room. Most of the players used it to interact with the fans who had been waiting to interact with them, be it by asking for an autograph, asking to take a photo of them, or maybe some other unique request.

Kei didn’t personally like crowds or receive too much attention from the fans, but he always made the time to interact with them because he felt grateful for their support, be it toward him as a player or toward the team itself. One of the reasons that Sendai Frogs could survive this far was certainly due to the dedication of their supporters.

Amongst these supporters, there was also his family. They would mingle amongst fans and playfully ask for his autograph (it was mostly Saeko and Ryuunosuke though).

Kei looked up at them who were standing on the raised platform of the stadium. They were leaning on the railings which separated the court from the seating area. They blended into the crowds of supporters, but it wasn’t hard for him to spot them. After interacting with some of the fans, Kei finally approached them.

He could see his brother and Hitoka was still tearful while they kept talking about how amazing he was during the last two rallies. Meanwhile, Kiyoko gleefully congratulated him on the club’s unofficial promotion. On the other hand, Ryuunosuke claimed that the win was all thanks to his influence on Kei when they were still in the same team.

Then, when Kei thought his supporters were already a handful, Yamaguchi informed him that Kageyama and Hinata apparently streamed the match online, and they each had sent him a personal message. Not only that, even the Karasuno alumni had something they wanted to say. Saeko said that Kei might need to use his remaining strength to scroll through the group chat.

They were all a handful, but he also realized that he was also a handful. Even so, they went out all the way to support them. Kei let out a small smile as he expressed his gratitude for their presence in his match.

At the same time, his captain slightly touched him on the shoulder and whispered that it was almost time for their meeting. Kei nodded before returning his attention to his entourage. He said he would meet them again later at their hotel after he had his dinner with the team.

Kei quickly bid farewell to them before he went back to the changing room.

Their coach gathered them for their usual evaluation, but at that time the atmosphere was quite different than usual.

“First of all, I want to say congratulations on our victory. It is well deserved, truly, as I have seen how hard all of you have been practicing and preparing for this,” The coach cleared his throat before continuing, “When this team was first formed in a little city in Sendai, it was always our goal to be in the first league. It took us quite a while to get here, and there were doubts of course. But you guys really did it, and as your coach, I’m proud of what you’ve all contributed to the team. I’m proud to call you all my team.”

Kei glanced at his teammates who began tearing up at the coach’s speech. Some people, including him, didn’t shed any tears, but there was determination and fire in their eyes as they listened to the coach.

“However, I want to remind you that this is not the end of our journey. On the contrary, this is a new chapter, a new beginning for Sendai Frogs. From this point onward, we will face even stronger, more unpredictable, and more rounded-up teams. So, we will need to prepare and train and fight harder than before. Not that I’m saying we went easy before, but this is where you can say that volleyball will truly become the central point of your career as an athlete.”

“Not only that, speaking from a personal experience as an ex-athlete, but you will also face a lot of changes in your daily life. As for today, all of you are still working your day job. However, since we are about to enter a more formidable league in the Japanese volleyball world, there will be more sponsorship coming for us as a team, which means we must win more games to maintain and/or add more sponsorship. I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but this is also why you will probably need to sort your priorities right.”

No one said anything, he even doubted that they were breathing. It was quiet, too quiet perhaps. He understood why though, everyone was still overwhelmed by the win and now they had to take these heavy words from the coach to their heart. However, before it could get any gloomer, the coach clapped his hands and laughed.

“But all in all, I don’t want to be such a downer, so we should celebrate this win. I booked a restaurant near here. So, come clean yourself up quickly, we’ll leave in one hour. Understood?”

“YES SIR!” Came the chorus of replies.

“Come on, team on three,” the coach said as he put his hand in the middle, and soon everyone followed suit as they screamed their team jargon after the count of three.

However, during the dinner, he kept replaying his coach’s speech. It wasn’t his first time hearing about it from his coach and he certainly had been thinking about it before, but the fact that it was finally real, that Sendai Frogs was getting promoted into the first league, it began to dawn on him.

His life was going to change, whether he liked it or not.

Kei glanced at the large window from the private VIP room of the restaurant. It overlooked the whole of Tokyo that shone bright with its lamps and skyscrapers. On the contrary, there were only a few stars visible in the sky that night.

He couldn’t help but ponder whether her life was going to be affected too by this change.

Around three months after the conclusion of the match, Kei officially resigned from his curator job at the museum. His supervisor, a middle-aged woman with decades of experience under her belt and zero knowledge of sport, wished him good luck for his volleyball career.

She even helped Kei pack all his belongings from the office. Not only that, but she was also the one who was responsible for throwing a small farewell party for him yesterday.

“Thank you so much, Tsukishima-san, for all the valuable knowledge you’ve shared with us and the visitors,” His supervisor said as she walked him out of the office, “You’ve brought so many changes and improvements to this museum… We will be missing you a lot here.”

“Ah, no. I should be the one who says thank you. I’ve learned a lot from all the seniors here,” Kei replied politely as he adjusted the cardboard box in his hands, “Moreover, it’s not like I’m going to disappear. You can contact me if you need some extra hands, Ma’am. I’ll be here if I’m free.”

After he bid farewell to his supervisor, Kei exited the building and walked to the parking lot. He was immediately welcomed by the scorching summer sun which he tried to avoid by running toward his car.

Unfortunately, since his car had stored a high amount of heat from the sun, Kei was once again welcomed by a hot blow of air when he opened his car door. Nevertheless, he forced himself inside the boiling car and hurriedly turned on his AC. He kept the door open as he waited for the inside to cool off a little bit.

During that, he suddenly felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Kei took his phone, and for a moment he forgot about the mean sun once he read the name on the screen.

“Hello,” Kei said as he put the phone on his ear.

“Hi Kei! How are you?” A familiar cheerful voice, belonging to none other than Hitoka, rang through his ears.

Just like a spell, the voice magically displaced all the heaviness that he didn’t know he had been keeping inside his heart. It was a good thing that no one was around as he smiled so widely at the sound of her voice.

“I’m fine. I’ve just finished gathering my stuff from the museum. I was about to leave when you called.”

“Ah! Is everything going well?”

“Yes, I think I got all my stuff. I don’t have many to begin with, though, so it wasn’t much of a problem for me.”

“Right,” Hitoka replied before pausing for a moment, “So, is everything okay?”

Kei raised his eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

“Well, this is a big change, Kei! I know how much you love volleyball, but I also know that you also love working in the museum. I mean, you’ve been doing both for quite some time, so to let one go, isn’t that hard? Are you okay with it?”

Kei leaned back in his seat and pondered, is he okay with it?

When Kei got to play for Sendai Frogs while he was still in university, he always wanted to move forward and grow with the team. This of course included bringing Sendai Frogs to the first division.

However, he couldn’t argue that being in the second division did give him a bit more freedom in keeping two careers that he both likes, such as being a volleyball player and a museum curator. And for a while, he enjoyed this kind of arrangement. However, he knew he had to let go of one of his careers when the time came for him to further his other career.

But is he okay with it?

“I’m okay, I guess,” The words fell from his mouth in one breath, “I already knew it was going to happen sooner or later.”

“Really? You don’t sound too sure, though.”

“Yes, really. Don’t worry about it,” he said as calmly as he could, “But thanks for asking. I appreciate it.”

“Okay, if you say so,” Hitoka said softly, “That’s good to hear.”

As much as he loved to be able to talk to her longer, he didn’t want to bother her much more, especially when he knew how hectic her workplace had been lately. So, after exchanging some short messages, he ended their call.

By that time, his car had cooled down, and so he closed the car door. He then quickly glanced at his smartwatch, and when he noticed the time, Kei immediately drove his car to the usual stadium where his team was going to train.

When his smartwatch told him that the temperature was going to rise extremely that afternoon, he wasn’t expecting it to be burning hot like hell. Kei did indeed prefer warm weather over cold one, but that didn’t mean he would like to be cooked alive inside a gymnasium.

Kei stood pantingly on the side of the court as beads of sweat kept trailing down his face, and no matter how much he dried it with a towel, it would never cease. He glanced toward his other teammates and felt a bit of relief since they all shared the same expression as he did.

Ever since their rise into the first league, their coach had gradually increased the intensity of their training menu. It would be a lie if he said that it wasn’t tiring. Nevertheless, he persevered through the rigorous training.

Just like that particular day of practice.

Kei sighed as he stood in front of his locker after practice. Just like the usual, the club room was filled with the rowdiness of his teammates. Truly, he didn’t understand how some people were born with an unlimited amount of energy.

Koganegawa for example, even after a full day of training, he was still bursting with happiness as he sang at the top of his lungs to an ad jingle that—he was told—had been trending on social media lately.

“Expecting something, today?” A new transfer player from Germany, Clemens, asked Koganegawa.

Before Koganegawa could even muster up any words, Kyoutani already sabotaged the answer, “Can you believe it? This guy apparently got himself a girlfriend.”

Thanks to Kyoutani’s exceptionally loud voice, the whole team members in the room immediately exploded into a mixture of questions, swears, and congratulations. Well, except for Kei obviously who just wanted to take a shower so he could quickly return to his apartment.

“Really? A girlfriend? That’s amazing Kogagemawa-san!” Clemens replied. Kei wanted to correct him, but he chose not to. At least this time Clemens got the first two and the last syllable right. Also, unlike a certain setter that he knew, Clemens had the privilege of not being a native.

“Thank you! I still can’t believe it either!”

“How long?”

“Almost one month.”

“Things must have been going well, then?” Clemens said with a pat on the back.

“Yeah! It’s really nice to have her around.”

Kei himself didn’t really care about Koganegawa’s love story. Therefore, amidst the chaos of the changing room, he quietly took his towel and clean clothes in his hands. He was about to go to the washroom when he suddenly heard his name coming from Koganegawa’s mouth.

“Well, it’s still nothing compared to Tsukki though.”

“Huh?” Kei glanced sharply at the three of them. His words were laced with annoyance and tiredness that might have come a bit too harsh.

“Woah, chill Tsukki. No need to get so worked up,” Koganegawa continued as he raised both his hands slightly, “I was about to say that you are way cooler since you’re already in a long and steady relationship.”

Clemens raised his thin auburn eyebrows at Kei, “Oh! Surprising!”

“I understand what you mean, he doesn’t appear like a settle-down type, right?” Kyoutani remarked.

“I’m still right here, you know,” Kei retorted in annoyance.

Kyoutani laughed, “Okay, okay sorry.”

“Wait, come to think of it, how long have you been dating Yacchan, Tsukki?” Koganegawa asked again.

At first, he didn’t want to answer, but that question did make him wonder about the same thing. Since a lot of things happened in the past year, he kind of thought that they had been dating for a decade when it officially had only been—

“Two and a half years.”

“Oh? It has been that long already?! Time flies!” Kyoutani remarked, “I’m jealous. I could barely make it to one year.”

Koganegawa nodded, “Yeah. The longest I’d been with someone was fourteen months!”

“I agree. Two and a half years is not a short time!” Clemens followed suit, “But I don’t think I have ever seen your partner before. How is she like?”

“Well, she’s small and super kind and funny—” Koganegawa began to narrate but he was cut off by Kyoutani.

“Easy, just think of a woman but with personality and stature that is exactly the opposite of Tsukishima. I mean, they kinda look alike, though, to the point that sometimes people mistake them for siblings, but of course they are not. Also, because they act so differently—”

“You should stop talking there, Kyoutani-san,” Kei remarked viciously.

“—Anyway, she’s one of our biggest fans! She always try to watch our matches live despite her busy schedule in Tokyo,” Kyoutani continued despite the ill-glance Kei threw on his way, “Maybe Koganegawa should invite her again to our changing room.”

“No.”

“Okay, it’s a no.” Kyoutani quickly corrected himself.

“Eh? What happened?” Clemens asked.

Koganegawa made a gesture as if he was zipping his mouth, “We can’t tell you, we promised her to not tell anyone.”

“You promised me too…”

“Oh right, right,” Kyoutani said nonchalantly, “Nonetheless, I think you’re going to like her Clemens. She’s like a small battery full of energy.”

“I would love to meet her—if she and Tsukishima are willing to, I mean,” Clemens replied good-naturedly, “She sounds like a lovely person.”

“She is,” Kei answered softly, almost like a whisper which caught the other three—even himself—by surprise. He quickly cleared his throat and continued, “Well, Clemens, since you asked about it nicely, I’ll talk to her about it.”

“Hey, that’s not fair!” Kyoutani protested, “You wouldn’t even let us get near her despite we already knowing her for years!”

“Yeah! Yeah! Not fair, bro!” Koganegawa followed suit.

“I’m going to take a shower, bye,” Kei turned his body and walked away from them. He ignored their calls and instead quickened his pace toward the washroom. He just wanted to clean his body and end the day.

When he finished his shower, he still found the three of them in the same spot as before. Kei approached his locker with the intention of gathering his things so he could return home. But due to the proximity, he couldn’t help but overhear their conversation.

“I dated a few times…”

Apparently, they were still talking about that.

“Really? Tell us about it.”

“My last one is the longest relationship I ever had… Five years, I think? But we broke up once I got an offer to play in here.”

“Why? Was it because you both didn’t want to be in a long-distance relationship?” Kyoutani asked.

“Well, that too. But more than that, it’s because I know that even if we kept seeing each other, we wouldn’t be able to advance to the next stage of the relationship. My ex has their own career in Germany, and I have my own dream of playing internationally… The thing is, I don’t want them to throw their career and dream away just to follow me. I know they wouldn’t do that either. So, we decided to end our relationship. Luckily, we parted away on a good note.”

Kei didn’t realize how he stared blankly at his locker as he heard Clemens’s story. He only realized that he was supposed to zip his bag when their captain suddenly yelled from the washroom about saving the water.

After gathering his things, Kei took his sling bag, bid his teammates farewell, and walked toward his car in silence.

Click.

Kei opened his apartment door and saw the darkness looming in the hallway. He flicked the lamp on and somehow felt cold air coming from the space. Kei made his way toward the cabinet where he stored all the slippers.

When he opened the cabinet, he could see that right next to his slippers, there was a pair of bunny slippers. Kei grabbed the bunny slippers, which looked so small in his hands and patted the white fur that seemed to be gathering a small amount of dust.

He stared at the slippers for a while before he finally put it away in its original position. He then quickly grabbed his own slippers, put his shoes away, and closed the cabinet.

Kei walked through the hallway and into the living area, he turned on the light before putting his bag and a cardboard box filled with his stuff from the office on the kitchen island. He grabbed a mug from the cupboard, filled it with water, and drank all of it until nothing was left on the mug. He then put the mug on the counter and leaned on it.

From where he stood, he could take a good look around his apartment. That was when he noticed there were a lot of paintings—which Hitoka made when she joined a painting class around two years ago—were hung on his walls. There was also a poster that she made specifically about volleyball to be placed at the top of the couch. Not only that, Kei also saw several framed embroidery artworks that Hitoka created as a hobby.

Kei closed his eyes and let out a sigh. He immediately went to his room to grab a change of clothes. Then, as he rummaged through his closet, he found a pair of navy-blue silk pajamas that sat neatly on top of his other folded pajamas.

It was a pajama with a Libra constellation embroidered on the pocket of the shirt. Kei remembered that the embroidery was done by Hitoka, and it was given to him by her on their first Christmas together after they decided to go steady.

Kei felt his shoulders drooping as he realized that no matter where he laid his eyes, there would always be a trace of her in his apartment.

He understood very well that Hitoka enjoyed creating something that she could later give to other people as a gift or memento. She was always like that, even when she was still in school. Kei himself was the person to whom she gave the most things, and he certainly felt grateful and proud for that title. However, at the same time, he was also filled with a sense of sadness that he couldn’t fully control.

Kei took the pajamas before going to the bathroom to clean himself a bit and brush his teeth. After that, Kei went back to his room. But then, as he walked toward his room, he found that his bunny doll had fallen from the couch. Kei took the doll and put it back in its place.

He quickly turned his body away, but he was staggering for a moment because of a sudden mental quarrel that happened inside his head. Eventually, Kei yielded. He turned to grab the bunny doll and brought it to his room.

Kei was never a fan of stuffed toys. However, this one is an exception. It was a doll that Hitoka had won last year from a claw machine. She then insisted that Kei should keep Mr. Honey Bun–a name she picked right on the spot—so he would not be lonely even if Hitoka wasn’t always by his side.

Lonely, huh?

Usually, before he lay on the bed for the night, Kei always had this one habit of opening his laptop and going through all his schedules for tomorrow, making sure that everything was prepared for his meeting or research in the museum. Hence, that night, he instinctively went to his table and opened his laptop. However, when he saw the photo of his team on his lock screen, he realized that he had just resigned from the museum that morning.

He quickly closed his laptop again and leaned back on his chair. Kei stared emptily at his ceiling before he was reminded about the cardboard box from that morning. He went out of his room to grab the box from the kitchen island. Kei made some space on the small counter as he went through all the stuff that he had brought from his office.

He took out some framed pictures that captured some events in his life. There was a photo from his high school graduation, from his brother’s wedding, from Hitoka’s birthday last year, as well as a photo of his twin nephews who were born earlier that year. Not only that, but there was also a keychain souvenir of Brazil’s flag from Hinata, a hand grip trainer from Kageyama, and a fake mini plant from Yamaguchi. He also had a mini dinosaur crochet which Hitoka made for him.

Originally, Kei didn’t really see the need to put all those pieces of stuff in his office. However, Hitoka encouraged him to decorate his workspace with some personal stuff since she believed it would give him a burst of energy during challenging days. He didn’t believe it at first, but when he finally tried to put a childhood photo of him and his brother in one corner of his table, he could see what Hitoka meant.

Hitoka.

Hitoka.

Hitoka…

How many times he had said her name over and over again in his mind?

How big was her influence on his life that everything started to feel like hers?

How much longer should he endure seeing her presence but not her actual self? How much longer should it be before he goes completely insane?

Her stuff might have lived in his apartment, but sadly she didn’t. He had no one on the other side of his bed, no one to say good morning to every time he woke up, no one to eat with every single day, and no one to give his affection to.

It was odd, he didn’t understand why he felt such feelings when it used to not bother him at all. When he started getting serious with Hitoka, he found that a long-distance relationship wasn’t as hard as people said it was. After all, he believed that relationship is more than meeting each other every day.

However, he had been thinking a lot lately. The promotion of Sendai Frogs to League 1 did change a lot of things and shifted a lot of priorities in him. Somehow, he started to think more about his future, and that was where his problem started. Every time he thought about his future, Hitoka would always be there. He was no longer thinking about what he would do but rather about what they would do.

At first, he tried to imagine Hitoka in just one or two instances of his routine, and truth be told, he had already been doing it since he started dating Hitoka albeit not in detail. However, as time passed by, she gradually began to appear more in his mind, and the imagination itself slowly became much more specific. 

There would be days when he returned from his practice with his body exhausted to the bone, and somehow all he could think about was how nice it would be to be welcomed by the sight of Hitoka sitting comfortably on the couch of his apartment. She would be staring closely at whatever design she was creating on her laptop, and maybe she would not notice him at first.

However, when she finally noticed, she would have a big smile on her face while she cheerfully welcomed him home. She would put his laptop aside and open her arms for him, and he would walk to the couch and bury himself in her gentle embrace.

He knew it was just a fragment of his imagination, but he wanted it to be real, so he would repeatedly disappoint himself when all he could see back home was an empty and cold space. He could only see a ghost of her taking shapes in various items across the space. Then he would sulk as his exhaustion grew tenfold in size.

He missed Hitoka daily, that one didn’t change, but that feeling transformed into a hunger. It had gotten quite bad as he would come to his room and grab a bottle of perfume that Hitoka deliberately left on his vanity. He would spray it on the air and smell the fresh floral and soft powdery scent that reminded him of her.

Why did she have to be so far away? Why couldn’t he meet up with her every day?

Before he knew it, he began to crave her existence.

He wanted her, no, he needed her.

There was nothing in the world that he wished for right now other than having her by his side.

And he hated himself for ever thinking about that.

His parents married in August, and as far as Kei could remember, his parents had never missed August without having any kind of celebration. They usually celebrate it by having a dinner party, be it at a restaurant or home.

That year, his parents decided to hold one at home. Therefore, Kei went all the way from Sendai City back to his childhood home. There would also be Akiteru, Saeko, as well as their seven-month-old twins at the dinner. His parents also invited Ryuunosuke, Kiyoko, Madoka, and of course, Hitoka.

Unfortunately, just two days before the dinner, Hitoka called to inform him that she could not come to the dinner party due to a sudden reschedule from a client. The person who was supposed to go with the team leader was still hospitalized, meanwhile, another staff in her division was on maternity leave. Hitoka herself had been covering up for the two of them while waiting for the company to find a temporary worker.

“I’m so sorry, Kei.” There was a visible strain and heaviness in her tone, “We couldn’t ask the client for a reschedule… To be frank, they are a valuable client for the company, so we have to always accommodate them, no matter how troublesome it might be.”

“I don’t understand,” He said as calmly as he could, “Why did they reschedule it for the weekend? Don’t they know that people have a life outside of their job?”

“Well… Please don’t be angry.”

“I can’t promise that.”

Hitoka let out an exasperated sigh, “It’s because they forgot that they have a vacation to Europe planned for the next two months…”

“WH—”

“I know, I know! It’s ridiculous.”

“Yes, it is!” Kei said irritably, “Can’t you just say no? Or, I don’t know, have a virtual meeting instead?”

“Kei, the client will be having a vacation to Europe for two months… This person is crazy rich and old… The revenue of their project is very high, and so, like I said in the beginning, we have no choice but to comply with any of their requests.”

Kei clicked his tongue, “Then why does it have to be you? Can’t your team leader just go alone?”

“I mean, there are a lot of things that need to be discussed with the client, so it’s quite hard to do it all by yourself.”

“Tell your team leader to ask for someone else.”

“I can’t…” Hitoka replied dejectedly, “It was… it was actually the client who requested to have me in the meeting… Regardless of who came to the meeting, they wanted me to join too. Apparently, the client knew about my involvement in the All-Star Match last week… He’s quite a sports fan…”

Kei closed his eyes and sighed, “I… I guess there was no other choice.”

“I’m sorry… Really sorry… I was actually looking forward to it too, you know. Your parents were too, which is why I felt so bad when I had to tell them about it…” Hitoka muttered somberly, “I have missed everyone, even the twins! I wonder how big they are now… My mother too, I haven’t seen her for quite a long time. Ah… It’s too bad.”

“Yeah, too bad,” Kei replied sourly, “But do you not feel bad to me?”

“Of course, I feel bad, silly!” She exclaimed with a tiny hint of humor, “How could I not? Do you think it was easy for me to call you?”

Kei wanted to smile, but he couldn’t, not when he was drowned in such a bad mood.

“Well anyway… Good luck on your business trip, Hitoka,” Kei said as good-naturedly as he could, “I’ll send you all the photos later, especially of the twins.”

“Ah! Thank you, Kei! I appreciate it!” Hitoka replied gleefully, “Okay then, I’ll see you soon—hopefully! I’ll try to make time, Kei!”

“Yeah,” hopefully.

He wanted to at least let the phone call extend for some more minutes or tell her that he missed her. However, nothing came out of his mouth, instead, all he could see was a big cloud obscuring his mind.

Hitoka seemed to notice his sudden hesitation and silence because she suddenly asked, “Are you angry?”

“Angry?” Kei raised his tone as if Hitoka was asking a bizarre question, “… No, I’m not.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… Well, maybe a little.”

“Oh… I’m really really sorry, Kei. I don’t want to do it, I—”

“I know, I understand, Hitoka,” Kei answered quickly, “Don’t worry.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Kei said in a way that should sound like a reassurance.

“Well, alright then… Take care, Kei.”

“I should be the one who said that to you,” Kei retorted jestingly, “Don’t push yourself too hard.”

“Yes, sir!” She said in a mocking tone, “Okay, bye, Kei!”

“Bye.”

As soon as he heard the sound of their call being disconnected, Kei immediately took the phone away from his ear before throwing it onto his bed. He groaned as he followed suit, jumping to the bed with his face down on the mattress. He wanted to hunt down this client of hers and punch them in the face. Who the hell they think they were? They dared to take her away from his family. They dared to take her from him.

And how could Hitoka choose her job over him?

However, such a thought made Kei even more distraught at himself that he wanted to bury his face hard on the mattress until he could not breathe anymore. How could he think of such thoughts about her?

He felt disgusted at himself.

His parents were obviously sad that Hitoka could not make it to the dinner. They even planned on changing the date for Hitoka. However, Hitoka didn’t want that since it was already hard enough to gather everyone for the dinner. It would be impossible to search for another date nearby.

It wasn’t just his parents who were saddened by Hitoka's absence. Madoka, who was able to come to the party, appeared to greatly miss her daughter. Saeko tried to cheer her up by letting Madoka hold her twins, and it seemed to uplift Madoka’s mood quite a bit.

Despite her absence, Hitoka did show her appreciation by sending a bouquet for his parents. His parents were so delighted by it that they quickly made it into their centerpiece.

As usual, Kei didn’t really do much during the dinner. He mostly just listened to whatever topic was being brought up to the table. However somehow, he could not follow the conversation at all as his thoughts were unusually louder than what he was used to.

After dinner, everyone—except Kei and Akiteru—decided to have a drink while playing a board game in the living room. Kei didn’t join because he just wanted to return to his room and sleep. Meanwhile, Akiteru wanted to watch over the babies, Kaito and Hiroto.

Kei took a bath and quickly made his way to his room, but then when he passed across his brother’s room, he could see that his brother was talking to the twins who were lying in their cribs—something that his parents bought specifically to be used when the twins visited.

“When you are old enough, I will take you both outside so you two can see the real stars and moon, and not these fake ones,” Akiteru said as he pointed at the hanging toys in the shape of many astronomical objects, “Sadly we can’t really see another planet from here, but I’ll take you both to the planetarium once you two can walk!”

Kei felt like he should not eavesdrop, and yet he found himself standing silently in the doorway while listening to Akiteru.

“A little spoiler for you two, but what we see from this earth is just a speck of how vast outer space was actually like with its many objects. Like asteroids for example. You know it right? The things that cause the extinction of the dinosaurs,” Akiteru continued, “Well, I want to tell you how it could lead to that extinction, but maybe not now, I don’t want you two to cry.”

Kei knew what his brother meant. There was a time in his childhood when his brother described to him in detail how the impact event of one asteroid many years ago killed all the dinosaurs on the earth. He remembered that his young self was so distraught over the poor dinosaurs that he cried.

“Maybe I should talk about another thing… Something more fun,” Akiteru hummed in thinking, “Like stars? Do you want me to talk about stars?”

The babies, being babies, responded with giggles.

“Well, do you two know that each star actually has its own system? For example, there’s a binary star, a system of two stars that are gravitationally bound to each other. Which means, they orbit around each other!”

Kei wanted to retort for it was getting quite ridiculous for his brother to talk about such a complex topic with babies, but he swallowed it back. There was something about what his brother was doing right now that felt oddly endearing. It was as if he was transported back to his childhood.

“Speaking of stars, we are actually made from stardust! And it’s not just for poems, but the scientists can prove it. Well, it’s more that we share a lot of similar elements with the stars, but all in all, they’re like us. So, just like the stars, we too have our systems.” Akiteru’s voice became soft as he spoke, “I guess you two must have been born from the binary stars.”

When Kei learned that his brother was going to have babies with Saeko, he knew that those babies were going to be lucky. He never doubted his brother, he knew that his brother was going to be an exceptional father, and he just witnessed it.

“Well, technically we are all part of a multiple star system. We can’t live without other people. I can’t imagine living without you two or your mother. That’s why when you two grow up, make sure to build as many relationships as you can, okay?”

Kei wasn’t sure whether his brother was teasing him indirectly, but before he could find the answer, his brother continued.

“Without this system, we can get lonely and sad. That’s why you two cry when you can’t see your mother, right? All of us have a special person, someone we are bound to, like the binary stars,” Akiteru chortled, “Which is why Uncle Kei is so miserable today, it’s because Aunt Hitoka couldn’t join the dinner. In fact, he’s so miserable that he decides to eavesdrop on us.”

Kei widened his eyes, “Nii-chan!”

His brother turned around and laughed, “That’s what you get for being ill-mannered toward your brother and nephews.”

Kei frowned as he felt his face grow warm from the sudden turn of events, “Not my fault that you let the door open.”

“Hey, don’t be ashamed,” Akiteru grinned, “It’s totally normal to sulk over your own girlfriend, especially since you haven’t seen her for a long time. Man, I can’t imagine the yearning!”

“I’m not.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Then tell me about all the foods that Mom had prepared for the dinner.”

Kei pressed his lips together while he tried to open his brain for any remnants of memory, but he couldn’t find any.

Akiteru raised his eyebrows playfully, “See? I knew it. Your thoughts were elsewhere during the dinner.”

Kei closed his eyes and sighed, “Fine, whatever you say.”

“Uh oh,” Akiteru suddenly lowered his tone and asked very carefully, “Did something happen?”

“What? What do you mean?”

“It’s not like you to give up easily.”

“Nothing,” Kei averted his gaze from his brother, “Nothing happened. I was just tired from this week’s practise.”

“Kei…”

“Anyway, it’s getting late, I don’t want to bother you and the twins,” Kei turned away from the door, “Good night.”

“Hey,” his brother called before he could leave, “Just so you know, if you need anything, just tell me. Alright?”

Kei nodded, “Yeah, thanks.”

Kei woke up early the next morning and decided to do some jogging. He used to not understand why Kageyama and Hinata liked to jog in the morning, but once he tried it, he finally understood the benefits.

There was something therapeutic about having the morning all to yourself. It was quiet and the air was clean. He could feel all his muscles waking up and his body becoming lighter. He always returned from his morning jog with a more cleared mind.

However, that morning, it didn’t seem to work on him.

When he returned home, his mother was already busy making breakfast in the kitchen. After he cleaned his body and changed his clothes, he went on to help his mother.

“Where’s Dad?” Kei asked as he chopped two blocks of tofu on the kitchen island, next to his mother who was standing in front of the stove.

“He took the twins out,” His mother answered while stirring eggs in a bowl, “He wanted to let your brother and Saeko-chan rest.”

Kei snickered, “I never thought I would see the day when Dad becomes a grandfather who likes to spoil his grandchildren.”

“Your dad spoiled you too, you know? He’s actually more lenient to you,” His mother interjected, “If you don’t believe me, go ask your brother.”

“Sure, but it wasn’t the same with how he spoiled the twins.”

His mother laughed, “Are you jealous?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Mom,” Kei remarked jokingly, “I’m not that petty to be envious of babies.”

“I know, I know,” His mother replied playfully as he put the bowl of egg mixture aside, “You are still my baby, though.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kei said as he put all the chopped tofu in a bowl.

“I think you’ll understand it one day when you become a father yourself,” His mother continued as she put a rectangular pan on the stove.

“Mom!”

“What?” His mother quickly glanced at him, “Don’t you want to become one someday?”

Kei grabbed some pieces of green onions and muttered, “I guess.”

“Well, I think you’ll be a great father, Kei.” His mother said reassuringly.

“Mom…”

“Okay, sorry,” she chuckled, “Let’s change the topic.”

Kei could not be more relieved to talk about anything else, and fortunately for him, Saeko woke up not too long after that. She offered to help and just like usual, she also took over the conversation.

The meals were finished just in time for his father to return with the twins and for his brother to wake up. Then they all gather in the dining room to eat breakfast together.

Kei enjoyed the freedom of having his own apartment, but he could not shake the sense of comfort that he felt as he had his warm breakfast with so many familiar faces. Albeit it didn’t feel complete since she wasn’t present.

After breakfast, his father and his brother took on the duty of cleaning the dishes. Meanwhile, Saeko was busy breastfeeding the twins.

Kei, with nothing to do, decided to watch some random show on the television. However, it didn’t last long since his mother suddenly called him. She told him to follow her, and so he did. She brought him to the master bedroom, more specifically toward her vanity table.

Kei thought his mother needed his help with moving some objects in the bedroom, but when he asked, she just told him to wait while she rummaged through the vanity’s drawer. Eventually, she pulled out a slender velvet box the size of a notebook from the drawer.

When she opened the box, Kei could see an abundance of jewelry with various sizes, stones, and diamonds stored inside. He quickly recognized it as his mother’s collection since he had seen some of it being worn by his mother before.

His mother gently grabbed a ring from one of the slits inside before putting the box on the vanity table. She then showed the ring to him and said, “Here, take a look at this.”

Kei furrowed his brows quizzically before taking the ring so he could inspect it closer.

It was a small ring made from white gold. On the head of the ring, there was an oval-shaped stone that was surrounded by some small diamonds. The stone was white, but when he tilted it at a certain angle, it also appeared to have some kind of soft blue hue glowing from inside of the stone. The blue seemed to pop up even more thanks to the two small aquamarine stones on each side of the head.

Despite the priceless stones, the ring was quite simple in design and size. That must be the reason why he often saw his mother wear this particular ring for a special occasion, like a small party or celebration.

“Just for your information, that’s a moonstone,” his mother said as she pointed out the ring, “It’s pretty, right?”

“Yeah, it is,” Kei nodded before glancing at his mother, “But why do you need to show this to me?”

“Well…” His mother rubbed his arm gently, “… it’s because I want to give it to you.”

“To me?” Kei stared in disbelief at his mother before putting the ring on his little finger, and just as he expected, the ring could barely fit past the first joint of his finger. Kei showed the ring on his finger to his mother and said, “Mom, please be serious, I can’t wear this.”

His mother laughed, “Oh, Kei, it’s not for you.”

Kei raised his brows and frowned, “You are not making any sense, Mom.”

“Kei,” his mother smiled serenely at him, “I do want to give this to you, but it is not for you.”

Kei shook his head confusedly.

“It’s for Hitoka-chan, Kei.”

“Hitoka?” Kei slightly raised his voice, “Why don’t you just give it to her yourself, Mom? I think it will be more meaningful for her that way.”

“Oh no, I don’t think so. It will be more meaningful if you are the one who gives it to her.”

Kei scrunched his face as he tried to process the words of his mother. It was a bit confusing at first, but when he finally understood, it hit him like a brick in the face. His eyes widened at the ring, he quickly glanced at his mother and exclaimed, “Mom! You don’t mean…”

His mother smiled, “You do know that I gave your brother my engagement necklace, right?”

Kei nodded as he remembered when Akiteru told him about it. Not that he wasn’t aware of it before, though. His parents had told him that his great-great-grandparents made it a tradition to pass down a necklace with a sapphire pendant to the eldest son of the family to be used for engagement. Therefore, he knew such a family heirloom did exist in his family, and he also knew that it belonged to his brother. Which was why he never even thought about being given one like his brother.

“This ring is a gift from my grandmother, well, your late great-grandmother to be precise,” his mother explained with a hint of sorrow in her expression, “She was gravely ill when I was engaged to your father, and sadly she passed away not too long after that… But I think she already knew that she would not survive to see our marriage because in her will she left me with this ring. She even left a note, she said she wished me a happy marriage.”

His mother’s eyes glistened, and Kei looked at his mother delicately, “I can see that this ring is very important to you, Mom.”

She nodded, “It is… I treasured this ring very dearly as it made me feel like she’s watching over me and the little family I’ve built since she was gone.”

Kei took the ring from his finger and gently offered it back to his mother, “Which is why I can’t possibly take this, Mom… I doubt Hitoka could too if she knew—"

“That’s precisely why,” his mother said firmly as she closed the palm of Kei’s hand around the ring, “I want to give this to you and Hitoka-chan because it’s important to me.”

Kei bit the inside of his mouth as he stared at the ring inside his clenched palm before whispering, “I… I don’t know, Mom. I haven’t really talked about it with Hitoka.”

“Well, but have you ever thought about it?”

Kei didn’t answer, he just stared quietly at his mother.

His mother touched his shoulder and smiled sweetly, “I should’ve known better. I can tell by the way you look at her.”

He rubbed his nape—as if it would shake away the awkwardness from his demeanor—and shrugged, “Doesn’t matter with me, what’s important is whether she wants it or not.”

“Oh, look at you!” His mother giggled, “Since when you’ve become such a man, Kei?” 

“Mom…”

“I’m joking, honey.” She smiled as she gently tapped on his arm. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to put any pressure on you. After all, you two are still young. I’m sure there are still a lot of things you both want to achieve. However, it just doesn’t sit right with me or your father that it was only your brother who got to inherit the family heirloom. We want you and Hitoka-chan to feel special too in this family.”

“Mom, this isn’t necessary... You already treated us like that.”

“I know, dear, I know,” his mother replied, “It’s just… I’m speaking as someone who married into this family, but a tangible thing like that can be really helpful. It can give someone a sense of confidence and reassurance that they are welcomed into the family. I mean, for me, it made all the doubts that I had before disappeared, and I want Hitoka to feel the same way as me when I got that necklace from your dad.”

Kei opened his palm and saw the ring. His mother’s words awakened dozens of thoughts from the depths of his mind.

His mother rubbed his back softly and said, “You don’t have to give it to her tomorrow, you know that right? I give this to you now because I want you to know that we’ve given you two our blessings… We are so happy for you and Hitoka-chan.”

He could not mutter any reply as thoughts were still flying around inside his mind.

“Well…” his mother’s voice was light as a feather, “you don’t have to accept this ring now if it burdens you. Maybe I can hold it for you until—”

“No,” He interjected, “I want to keep this.”

She seemed to be taken aback by the sudden shift of emotion, but she welcomed it greatly with a wide smile, “Okay then if you say so.”

“But are you sure, Mom? About this ring?”

“Of course, I am!” His mother answered firmly but still cheerful, “There is no greater pleasure for me than to see Hitoka-chan wearing this ring, and I can say with confidence that your late great-grandmother would be happy too. I mean, she didn’t get to meet you or Hitoka-chan. But, if she did, I bet she would spoil both of you. So, with this ring, I wish she would watch over you two as she watched over me and your dad.”

Kei accepted the ring and kept it in a small velvet box, the original box from when his great-grandmother gave it to his mother (apparently his mother still had that around). Kei didn’t tell about the ring to anyone, not even his brother or Saeko. He silently brought the ring back to his apartment and he put it on the tallest shelf of his closet, right at the back, behind all of his sports attire.

That was where it was going to stay until he could figure everything out with Hitoka.

—Chapter 1 End—

Chapter Text

Life could be a little funny when you share the same birthday month with your partner. However, it wasn’t funny when you lived far away from each other because sometimes it could be hard to find the right time to celebrate.

Fortunately, Kei was able to come to Tokyo a week after Hitoka’s birthday on the 4^th of September, albeit it was only for one night. He booked a restaurant and brought her a box of cupcakes—and candles—from her favorite bakery. Later, they went to watch a late-night movie at the theater.

It was almost midnight when they finally arrived at Hitoka’s apartment after a long day outside, and he could not help but wonder what it would be like if they could come to the same home every day. Maybe if that was the case, he would not need to worry about not catching the train the next day or he wouldn’t be constantly counting down the remaining time he had in Tokyo before he had to go back to Miyagi.

Hitoka’s apartment, like most apartments in a major city like Tokyo, was much smaller than his apartment back in Sendai. But in that small space of hers, he did notice that he also left a lot of things there. Spare clothes in her wardrobe, a toothbrush in her bathroom, a pair of flip-flops in her shoe cupboard, a water bottle in the kitchen that he kept forgetting to bring back home, and many books that he lent to Hitoka.

And he pondered whether Hitoka was bothered by this, just like he was.

He didn’t get many chances to meet Hitoka, and so he always tried to savor every little moment he could share with her. It was bearable at first, but the more he spent his time with her, the more hunger built up inside him, and he wasn’t even someone with a big appetite. He never knew that someone’s presence could invoke such a craving inside him, and yet Hitoka did.

People say that love and passion tend to die down as the relationship grows over the years, but it doesn’t resonate with him at all. With each passing day, Kei felt his feelings gradually grow in size, and it was something that he never believed would ever happen to him. He never had crushes before, and his previous relationships had never been like what the movies showed him—with sparkles and bubbles. Therefore, for a long time, he almost believed that he would end up alone, and truthfully he was fine with it.

Hitoka herself was a friend, someone that he trusted with both the volleyball club and other things in school. He liked her, but it was more in a way that he liked most of his friends. People said that she was cute, and of course, he agreed. However, that did not mean he wanted to date her.

Yet, a little over a decade later, he would find himself seeking her. That friend had now become someone who he cared for a lot. He liked everything about her, her sweet voice, her silk blonde hair, her amiable personality, her tender lips, her creative imagination, her soft skin, and the warmness that she would always give to him.

Because of Hitoka, he finally understood what it meant to fall for someone, what it meant to have them occupying your mind almost every second, to have butterflies flying in your stomach, to have deep admiration for them as a person, and to have this profound desire for their happiness.

Kei opened his eyes after what seemed to be a very loud dream, it was as if his brain was put on the fullest volume. He blinked a few times to get used to the darkness of the room before trying to glance at the clock on the wall. He squinted his eyes to focus, but he still couldn’t see it. Kei ended up reaching for his phone on the bedside table, but he realized that he could not move his right hand. He turned to the side and noticed that Hitoka was sleeping next to him, or on his hand to be precise.

Kei smiled at the sight of her serene expression. He gently put his other hand on her head and brushed strands of hair away from her face. While doing so, he studied her features, like the length of her lashes, a tiny beauty mark on her forehead, and her small pointy nose. He studied it and engraved it to his memory, knowing very well that he didn’t have many chances to see it.

Absent-mindedly, he took out her left hand from inside the blanket, brought it closer to his face, and gazed at each of her delicate and pointy fingers that looked small against his hand.

Kei rubbed her ring finger as he tried to imagine how it would look with an actual ring, and he was indeed pleased by his imagination. Of course, it would look nice on her, everything always looked nice on her. There were only a few things in the world that he would describe as beautiful, and she was easily one of them.

However, his smile was quickly replaced by doubts. Imagining such a thing was easy, but he could not guarantee that everything would turn out like his imagination. There was a reason why he never brought up that topic to Hitoka, and it was because he was afraid that he would open a Pandora's box. He was content with what they had now, and he didn’t want to ruin that at all.

Yet, on the other hand, he also didn’t want to keep their relationship stagnant. It felt like they had come to a point in their relationship where it just seemed natural to advance to the next stage. However, moving a relationship was not as easy as it looked, not when they had their own things in different prefectures. What if the topic of the future ended up becoming the thing that brought the demise of their relationship?

Kei slowly pulled her closer to him, feeling her body against him, and kissed the top of her head before closing his eyes. Eventually, sleep began consuming him again and everything went black.

He was awakened the next morning with an empty bed as well as a nice smell of coffee and butter. He sat up on the bed and stretched his body, letting all the tension fade away with each crack of his bones. Kei looked at the bedside table and saw a glass of water that he knew was put there by Hitoka. He drank it as he checked on his phone for any messages that he might have missed last night.

After that, he put back his clothes that were already folded neatly on the bed—yet another thing that Hitoka did—before he went out to the living area.

“Morning Kei!” Hitoka cheerfully greeted him from the kitchen, “I hope you are okay with toasted bread for breakfast.”

Kei walked toward the kitchen and frowned when he saw that the meals were ready, “You should’ve woken me up to make the breakfast.”

“But I want to make the breakfast!”

“It's still your birthday…”

“Oh, Kei…” She giggled, “Because it is still my birthday, I want to treat you with my cooking. This is a recipe that I learned from Kaede-chan and I think you’ll like it!”

“… Hitoka.”

“Don’t worry about it, okay,” She said as she gave two plates of toasted bread and a small bowl of berries to him, “Besides, you looked so peaceful in your sleep. I didn’t have the heart to wake you up.”

“Hitoka, you can punch me awake and I won’t be mad,” He remarked casually.

She laughed as she brought two coffee mugs to the table, “Duly noted.”

They had their breakfast while talking about the movie that they saw last night.

“Speaking of movies,” Hitoka said with a hint of excitement in her voice, “I’m actually enrolling myself in a video production course.”

Kei raised his eyebrows, “Really? What is it for?”

“I just feel like I need to learn some new skills that might help me in the future if I want to stay relevant in this industry.”

“The future…”

“Yes!” Hitoka said as she tore her toast into bite-sized pieces, “I mean I still love doing graphic design, but the industry is changing now. More people prefer to see things in video format. So maybe, I can present my design by making a video to add more variety to my expertise, especially to my portfolio. I think it will help me a lot in my career.”

“Right,” Kei nodded, “I think you made an excellent decision.”

A smile bloomed on her face, “Thank you, Kei! It means a lot that you believe that.”

When he saw that smile, Kei knew that would pay anything to see that same smile on her face every day. Kei slowly moved his left hand to touch Hitoka’s hand. Hitoka raised her eyebrows at him, and he could see an apparent concern on her face.

“Kei?”

He wanted to ask all the lingering questions that he had about whether she was also thinking about their future. All he wanted to know was whether he was present in that future of hers. All he wanted to learn was whether she wanted to spend her future together with him.

Nevertheless, nothing came out of his mouth. His words somehow got stuck in his throat.

“Kei?” She called again and she sounded more alarmed than before, “Is something the matter?”

“Nothing,” he finally replied, “I just think the time goes on very quickly… I don’t want to leave just yet.”

“Ah…” She smiled weakly as she squeezed his hand gently, “Don’t worry, we are going to meet again soon. I’ll be there at Sendai for your birthday.”

Kei was not pleased with his bluffing, but he wasn’t exactly lying either. It was true that he didn’t want to leave her. He knew that he was going to miss her as soon as he boarded the bullet train that afternoon.

Maybe later, he thought, he promised himself he would discuss it with her when she came to Sendai by the end of that month. He had around two weeks to prepare before bringing such a serious topic into their relationship. Nevertheless, it had to be done, sooner or later.

However, he underestimated how much the universe hated him. Just when he was looking forward to Hitoka’s arrival, Kei realized that Hitoka was getting busier than usual. There were her Christmas and New Year projects that she had to finish—under horrible deadlines—as well as her course that she had to attend. In fact, it even began to affect her sleeping and eating schedule, so much so that she ended up with a slight flu one day.

It was enough of a reason for Kei to tell her that she didn’t need to come to Sendai for his birthday because he was concerned about her health. Kei himself was also getting busy with his training since the new season would commence that November. Therefore, he could not freely travel to Tokyo either. By October, both of their schedules would be packed with their respective duties.

Hitoka still insisted on coming to Sendai for a day or two, but again Kei reassuringly said it was okay if she didn’t come. The last thing he wanted was to see her health deteriorate again under so much physical and mental stress. He didn’t want to add any more to that.

“Your well-being is more important than my birthday Hitoka,” Kei said through their video call, “We can celebrate it later when we finally have the time, okay?”

“But it won’t be until November!”

“A birthday is still a birthday.”

“Still…” her voice began to quiver, “I… I’m sorry Kei.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Kei said gently, “Things happen, and we have no choice but to deal with it. Don’t you worry and just take as many rests as you can, you need it.”

When they started dating, this kind of thing was not a problem at all. They weren’t bothered by failed visits or changes in plans. They just rolled with it, and they were satisfied with whatever arrangements they ended up making.

But it was different once they had been going out for more than two and a half years. He could tell how hard it was for them to see their plan ruined. It was as if they were getting even more restless with each passing day of not seeing each other.

And he wasn’t sure whether he liked this discovery or not. Was this a sign? A bad sign for their relationship? Or rather maybe it was a good sign? Was this the beginning of a new stage? Or was it the beginning of an inescapable end?

However, one thing for sure, he disliked seeing her drowning in distraught and he hated the sense of helplessness of not being able to do anything to comfort her.

The house of Tsukishima was always crowded during the new year, and 2023 was no exception. It was even merrier than last year because it was the first new year with the twins—who would turn one by the end of the month.

The twins themselves became the star of the day. They were seated on a play mat with toys and stacks of New Year’s envelopes from everyone. Moreover, since Kai and Hiro were old enough to be able to speak some simple words, people were excited to have some kind of conversation with them.

His parents and Saeko’s parents were evidently trying to get the twins to call them grandma and grandpa. There were also Ryuunosuke and Hitoka who also attempted to get the twins to speak their names. Meanwhile, people like Madoka and Kiyoko could not get enough of the squishy faces of the twins.

On the other hand, Kei chose to sit on the couch—a few meters away from the commotion—while watching the news coverage about the crowds in the shrine.  It wasn’t like he disliked Kai and Hiro. In fact, he adored them a lot, which surprised him since he usually didn’t like to be around kids. He even spoiled them with toys and books. The twins themselves liked it when Kei held them high in the air and they were already able to call his name.

However, looking at the amount of attention they were getting, he didn’t want to overwhelm the twins. Not only that, but he also wanted to preserve his energy for when his relatives from all over the cities started to come and ask him a bunch of questions that he didn’t want to answer.

It didn’t stop him from stealing some glances at them though, more specifically glancing at her. Hitoka was playing along with the twins who were fighting over the fake picnic basket and its fake foods. She would pretend to eat the plastic fruits and sandwiches that the twins kept giving her, and every time she did that, the twins would laugh.

The sight filled him with some kind of warmth and delight that he could not fully explain. Then suddenly, an image flashed across his head, and it was the image of her playing with a baby that had the same warm chocolate eyes and sweet laughter as her.

“I suggest you put a ring on her first before thinking about having a baby.”

A voice jolted him awake from his little daydream and he felt someone sitting down on the other side of the couch. He turned to the voice and sighed, of course, it was none other than his dear brother.

Kei looked at Akiteru in disgust, “You are being weird.”

“I’m weird? Hey, I was not the one who spied on Hitoka with a stupid smile on my face.”

“What?!” Kei slightly raised his voice, “I-I wasn’t.”

“You did!” Another voice chimed in; it was Ryuunosuke who jumped on the seat next to Akiteru. “Don’t think I didn’t see that. I was there next to her.”

“Yeah, you were making the same face as Ryuu did every time he saw Kiyoko,” Akiteru added teasingly.

“I did not make a vulgar face like Ryuu-san,” Kei retorted nonchalantly as he tried to focus his attention back on the television.

“HUH?! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY YOU PUNK?!”

Before he knew it, Kei was tackled by Ryuunosuke who began to tickle him. He tried to stop him, but he couldn’t. Only a few people knew about this, but he was actually very ticklish, and Ryuunosuke harnessed that knowledge very well against him. He had to endure the agonizing laughter while he also tried to push his attacker away. He tried asking Akiteru to help him, but his brother was only laughing at his misery.

“Come on boys,” a voice belonging to his father echoed, “The twins are behaving much more maturely than all three of you.”

“I didn’t do anything, Dad!” Akiteru protested.

“And that’s exactly why,” Kei remarked annoyedly and shoved Ryuunosuke away—who was grinning victoriously over him. Meanwhile, Kei was left sweating and gasping as he felt all the energy drained from his body.

“That’s why you should watch over your mouth, bro,” Ryuunosuke whispered before sticking his tongue out at him.

“I don’t care who did what, just please behave yourself,” his father said firmly, “Your relatives are coming soon.”

“Oh! Speaking of arrival,” his mother approached them with a phone on her ear, “Kei can you pick up Uncle Kenta and Aunt Yuwen from the station?”

“Yeah, sure,” Kei replied as he stood up from the couch.

“I’ll help,” Akiteru said, “Aunt Yuwen likes to bring a lot of stuff anyway.”

“Oh right,” Kei mumbled as he remembered all the luggages—filled with souvenirs and gifts—that she brought over last year.

“Thank you so much, dear,” his mother said endearingly, “Be careful, okay?”

“Will do!” His brother said before dragging him forcefully out of the living room.

Then, when they were out of earshot from everyone, Akiteru suddenly said, “Hey, about what I said earlier… Don’t stress about it, okay?”

Kei, who was in the middle of wearing his coat, froze up in his position before glancing quizzically at his brother, “What?”

“You know… About marriage, having children, and stuff. I mean, at your age, people are going to ask about it more, and I know it can get a little bit bothersome. So, it’s better to just not listen to them.”

“If you knew about it then why did you ask me about that in the first place?” Kei muttered as he took the car key from the hooks on the wall.

His brother shrugged, “I’m your brother, that’s basically my job.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too, little bro," Akiteru replied with a wide smile.

His brother was right. Almost all of his relatives who visited were asking about the potential marriage between him and Hitoka. He didn’t understand why other people were so obsessed with his marriage status. It was already hard enough for two people, and now some random relatives wanted to join in their relationship as well. He didn’t think of it as some pressure or something though, but it was irritating to hear the same stuff repeatedly.

In fact, he didn’t understand why people always treated marriage as the ultimate milestone in a relationship. It was as if people implying that their relationship would not be complete if they didn’t tie the knot. He never saw marriage as the ultimate proof of his feelings for Hitoka, hence why he never wanted to rush it, he would get married when he and Hitoka were ready.

Then again, how would they know if they hadn’t talked about it? Kei knew he had to bring out that topic, but he kept procrastinating on it because he always felt the timing was not right.

Like how could he ask Hitoka about it when she just told him excitedly about her little trip with Fujiwara dan Kimura around Tokyo? He was happy—obviously—that Hitoka finally made some genuine friendships in Tokyo, but it also left him feeling conflicted.

Moreover, how could he bring up such a topic when Hitoka was joyfully recounting all the projects that she was trusted with by her manager? She even got to take part in making a marketing video for a short ad. It was such great news for Kei too since she seemed to finally find a rhythm in her work. But once again, it made him feel conflicted.

They both clearly enjoyed their respective careers, which was great but it also caused him concern. Ever since Hitoka moved to Tokyo, she kept on thriving in her career, and thus it would be such a waste if Hitoka decided to leave the city someday.

On the other hand, Kei himself was devoted to his club. He loved even the most gruesome training and the most emotionally draining match. However, the thing about being an athlete is that you tend to be bound to the domain of your club. For Kageyama it would be in Italy, for Hinata, it would be in Brazil, and for him, it would be in Sendai.

Hence, if he and Hitoka wanted to settle down, then one of them must leave the place where they had their career.

Kei himself had been thinking about living in Tokyo while still focusing on practicing in Sendai, but Hitoka probably wouldn’t let him. He could commute but that might take him more energy, money, and time.

Unfortunately, looking at the nature of their job, the chance was highly likely for Hitoka to leave her job, in fact, he could already tell that she would gladly do it for him. However, Kei didn’t want her to throw everything away just for him. It was already hard for her to establish her career and social life in Tokyo, so to make her start all over in Miyagi would be cruel.

They could still maintain their long-distance relationship during their marriage, but that would not solve this whole problem of him acting like an angsty teenager, yearning over his girlfriend every single day.

He also felt like a hypocrite, telling Hitoka to be honest with himself when he couldn’t even do the same to her. He just didn’t know how to express his wish and desire—which just sounded selfish the more he thought about it. 

He didn’t know what to do with himself, it was like everything crumbling down around him.

He remembered the conversation he overheard from Clemens in the locker room. What if the next best choice for them is not marriage, but to split up? What if his wish would bring nothing but catastrophe for them? What if he became the one who ended up ruining her life?

As the feelings kept hitting him over and over, it gradually began to feel like a déjà vu. He could now understand Hitoka’s feelings that day. Maybe it was indeed better to end things before it became ugly.

It was very normal for an athlete to have a bad day. Maybe sometimes your body just didn’t move the way you wanted it to or sometimes your head was stuck in some kind of perpetual emptiness. However, Kei prided himself as a player that the team could count on since he was known for his composure and level-headedness.

Therefore, he rarely had any bad days. However, that day, he apparently did.

He didn’t know why, but somehow the practice just felt a lot harder than usual, and his body reacted in a way like it was being tied to millions of rocks. His coach even called him to the side to ask whether he needed rest.

Having a bad performance at practice is one thing, but having a bad performance at the actual match is another thing. Tsukishima Kei was known for his calculated block, even if he looked like he missed a block, he wasn’t. It was always part of his plan.

Thus, to miss one block in a match was such a huge deal for him. Furthermore, they were only in the second set, but he could already feel the strains in his body. Not only that, but he could also feel that his mind was shattered into many subjects that it was getting hard for him to focus on the game.

He tried to look around the stadium, but he couldn’t find any familiar faces in the crowd. Usually, it didn’t bother him, he knew that they couldn’t make it to every match. But they still showed their support by watching the streaming, which was enough for him. Yet, it didn’t feel like it that day. He silently wished that he could see her magically appear on the audience seat, because then maybe everything would be alright.

Everyone brushed off his failure, but he could tell that his coach realized that something might be wrong with him. If they weren’t in the lead, his coach would probably scold him, or worse, put him on the bench. However, since they were already in the lead, the coach was more merciful.

Fortunately, he was able to remain on the court until they won in the third set. He would not call it his best performance, but he did what he could do in that situation. That was also why it didn’t feel like he deserved to celebrate that win. He went back to his apartment that night with nothing but shame, a heavy heart, and a ticking bomb of tension that begged to be released.

He checked his phone and saw a lot of notifications from people who probably watched the match. Kei made a mental note to reply to them later when he had the energy since it was not easy to be polite and amicable when you were upset.

However, just as he was about to put his phone away, it rang. There was an incoming call, and it was from Hitoka. Kei stared at the screen as he debated whether he should pick it up or not. On one hand, he wanted to pick it up since her voice had always been his remedy for everything. However, on the other hand, he was not in the right mood for any conversation at all.

Yet, his desire outweighed his concern, and so he picked it up.

“Hello.”

“Hi Kei!” Just like a bell, her voice instantly took all his attention away from the jungle of his mind.

“Hi Hitoka,” he replied as he laid himself on the couch.

“I saw the game today. Congratulations on the win!”

“Yeah, thank you.”

There was no answer and for a second, he thought the call was disconnected.

“Hito—”

“Are you okay? Is something bothering you?” she suddenly asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know… I just feel your play was a little different during the match today.”

Kei sighed, of course she could tell his awful play. She always did ever since they were both in high school.

“Kei?”

“Well yes, I had a little trouble with my play today.”

“Are you unwell?”

“No, I’m good.”

“What happened then?”

He stared emptily at the ceiling before answering, “Things happened, I guess… A lot of things…”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He opened his mouth automatically as if his body was telling him to let it all out. However, his mind immediately took over and so he swallowed back all the words.

“No, not really...”

“Well, okay,” She still sounded a little worried, “But I’m only one call away if you need something, Kei.”

“I know. Thank you,” he replied before shifting the subject, “Anyway, how’s your day?”

“Oh, it was great!” Her voice lifted out a little in excitement, “I had a meeting with a client today and they were so very nice. They even complimented my design!”

Kei smiled, “Hey, that’s good.”

“I know! I mean I’ve been creating a lot of designs for living, and so I forgot how meaningful it can be to receive compliments over your work. I must say it felt invigorating.”

“Your designs are all wonderful, Hitoka, you deserved it. I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you, Kei!” She exclaimed happily, “Speaking of, I got an offer from my manager. She wanted me to be a leader for a new project next month.”

“Project leader?” He immediately sat up on the couch, “That’s huge, Hitoka.”

“Exactly! But I’m not so sure about it.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I’m not sure I can do it.”

“You can! I know you can.”

“Thanks Kei,” She replied but there was a hesitation in her voice, “Although that’s not my only concern.”

“What do you mean?”

“I… I’m afraid it will take a lot of my time.”

Kei raised one of his eyebrows, “That’s part of the job, no?

“It is…” Hitoka dragged her words slowly, “But if I take the offer, then I won’t be able to spend more time with you, Kei!”

Something clicked inside of his head as soon as Hitoka said it. She was right, if she took more responsibilities and roles, it would mean less time together. In fact, they had spent less time around each other ever since last year.

Would he want that?

Kei shook his head as he realized that what he wanted to do was irrelevant since it wasn’t his choice to make. He cared for Hitoka, so he should be supportive of whatever projects she set her eyes on. She didn’t need to spell it for him to know that she was already intrigued by the offer. All he needed to do was to give her a little bit of push so she could finally have the courage to take that opportunity.

And yet, much to his dismay, it was hard to say that he supported her when deep inside he didn’t really want to lose the already limited time he had with her. Then again, he also didn’t want her to ruin or sacrifice her happiness just so he could be pleased.

Kei closed his eyes and took a deep breath before asking, “Do you want to do it?”

There was a slight pause before she answered, “Yes… I do.”

“Then it settled. You are going to accept that offer.”

“B-but—”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about me.”

“But Kei…” There was a strain and desperation in her voice, “How can I not worry about you when you are not being honest with me.”

Kei furrowed his brows and before he could think it through, he spoke in a voice that sounded a lot more unpleasant than he intended to, “Are you saying I’m lying? Hitoka, I’m just trying to be supportive here.”

There was no answer, and that was when he realized what he had just said to her.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, “I’m sorry, Hitoka! I didn’t mean—”

“No, no, you are right…” Hitoka whispered in remorse, “I should be the one who says sorry, Kei. I… I’m just confused and a little bit frustrated because I don’t know what’s going on with you. I mean, I just want to help you. I’m worried, you know.”

Kei could feel his facial muscles twitch as emotions flooded his senses, so much so that he didn’t know what kind of reaction he should make.

“I just feel you’ve changed since I took that video production course… So, I couldn’t help but wonder whether you were bothered or annoyed by me being busy. That’s why I was hesitant to accept my manager's offer… I don’t want to make you feel even more alone. I’m sorry.”

Kei shook his head, and he raised his voice in distress, “No, Hitoka, that’s not! Did you seriously think of me like that?”

There was no answer again, and that was when he realized that he had messed up even more. Really, he should’ve shut his mouth, especially since he already knew that exhaustion tended to break the threshold of his questionable word choices and temper. However, it was already too late. His stupidity had caused him to inflict pain on Hitoka.

“I’m sorry, Hitoka. That was rude of me,” He whispered helplessly, “I… I just can’t do this right now. We’ll have to continue this conversation later. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to you soon. Good night, Hitoka.”

Kei ended the call before hearing Hitoka’s reply—if she did reply. He did not have any mental capacity to know her reaction. He already screwed her enough and he already felt bad about it, so he didn’t think he could handle another one.

But then, as his thoughts began to settle, he realized that he was a bastard for doing that. How could he hang up on her like that? Without any explanation or consolation for her? Since when did he become so selfish in this relationship?

Kei rubbed his face with his palms and groaned. Where was his common sense? What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he actively try to hurt Hitoka and try to ruin their relationship? What had become of him?

And all of this just because he had some dilemma with marriage? Something that could be easily solved by talking to her like a pair of mature adults. Yet he did not do it because he was scared, like a little pathetic loser. Scared of losing her because he finally realized that he had put his life centered around her, so much so that he would be nothing but an empty husk without her.

Kei stood up from his couch and put his phone in his pocket before going back to the hallway of his apartment. He took his coat and wore his boots on the genkan before opening the front door in haste.

The sky outside was dark and cloudy, he could not see anything in it, not even a star. He did catch a glimpse of a moon behind the cloud but sadly it was all alone.

Kei wasn’t much of a drinker, but there was a bar not too far from his apartment that he frequently visited every now and then, especially during winter. Sometimes he went there with Yamaguchi if they wanted a fancier place to drink than the izakaya. He liked to go there with Hitoka too sometimes, but they preferred to buy a bottle from the nearest liquor store and drink it at the apartment.

Usually, he would come and order a glass of rum—or two if he felt like it. Sometimes he would also come for a cocktail, or a glass of wine, or two shots of vodka. Overall, everything he drank was always within his calculation, be it the amount or the duration, so he would not end up embarrassing himself by being drunk.

However, that particular night, he asked the bartender for a shot of vodka, and he drank it all in one go. Then he asked for another shot, which he also drank in one second. After that, he asked again for another shot, which he swallowed like water. After that he asked again, and again, and again until he started to feel like the bar stool began to float a little.

Just as he was about to ask for another shot, a hand stopped him from shoving the glass toward the bartender. He looked to the side and saw:

“Yamaguchi?” Kei mumbled. “What are you doing here?”

Yamaguchi let go of his hand and sat on the bar stool next to him.

“I should be the one who asked that question,” Yamaguchi remarked firmly as his face scrunched up in worry, “You didn’t respond to any of my messages and calls. Good thing I followed my guts and went here. I knew you’d be here.”

Kei furrowed his brows, “… Huh? You were searching for me.”

“Yeah, but not just me,” Yamaguchi dragged his words a little as if he was unsure about what to say, “I mean, I wasn’t the only one whose calls and messages were ignored…”

If he was sober, he probably could understand the implication right away, but as the room began to slowly spin, he had no clue. Fortunately, Yamaguchi seemed to catch on to this because he sighed and said, “Yacchan called me.”

“She did?” Kei asked in disbelief, “Why?”

“Oh, nothing important, we were just talking about you.”

“About me?!”

“Uh huh,” Yamaguchi nodded nonchalantly, “We were talking about how uncool you were.”

“…What?”

“Ah…” Yamaguchi said dejectedly, “It’s actually not fun teasing you when you are drunk and miserable like this.”

“Oh my god, just get to the point.”

“Okay, fine,” he raised both his hands in surrender before clearing his throat, “First of all, allow me to say that you are an ass for making Yacchan sad. What were you thinking of ignoring her calls and messages?!”

“Wh-what? I already told her that I’ll talk to her later.”

“Well, I don’t know what happened between you two, but it clearly bothered her… She sounded like she wanted to cry when she called me. She said she made you upset and she was very sorry about it, but since she couldn’t reach you, she became worried. She was afraid you would do something that you would regret later, especially when you still have matches to play in this season.”

Kei frowned, of course she would blame herself, she was always like that, when in fact it was him who was at fault. Great, he had made the situation even worse with just his attitude alone. He was too preoccupied with himself that he forgot how it would affect Hitoka.

“… Is that why you came here?”

“Yeah. I mean the last time you two had a big relationship problem; you ended up being a drunk mess. So, she asked me to check on you. You know, just in case,” Yamaguchi explained with a slight concern in his voice, “How much did you drink anyway? Are you drunk?”

Kei looked at his empty shot glass before shaking his head, “Wasn’t counting.”

“Yep, you are drunk.”

“No, I’m not,” he said as he pulled out his wallet from his pocket, “I’m done here.”

“Good!” Yamaguchi beamed, “If you get any drunker than this, I’m going to need to call your brother again.”

“Yamaguchi…”

“Sorry, Tsukki,” he jested, “In my defense, I’m not looking forward to the possibility of having to drag your body out from the bar alone. You are not exactly small, you know.”

“Whatever,” he said as he stood up from the bar stool, but in doing so, he caused all the alcohol in his body to suddenly get into his brain. He stumbled slightly and almost lost his footing.

“Woah, do I need to call a taxi for you?” Yamaguchi asked worriedly.

He wanted to say no, but since his head was throbbing in pain while his eyes were heavy, he eventually nodded, “Please.”

Fortunately, he was able to make it out of the bar alive on his own, but as soon as he sat in the backseat of the taxi, he immediately fell asleep. Then, despite what he said, Yamaguchi also came with him to make sure that he was able to return to his apartment unscathed.

He awoke right as the taxi made it to his apartment, and the moment he stepped out of the car, his stomach began to stir, and it was getting hard for him to swallow his saliva. It felt like his throat began to contract for something.

“Tsukki, I’m sorry for saying this, but please do not throw up right now,” Yamaguchi said as he stood next to him nervously, “You know I have sympathy vomiting.”

“I’m not…” Kei took a deep breath as he pressed the pressure point on the inner side of his wrist and hoped for the best as he made his way into his apartment.

When he finally made it into his apartment, he lay exhaustedly on the couch as Yamaguchi grabbed a glass of water for him. The fact that he was still aware of Yamaguchi was enough proof that he wasn’t as drunk as that time.

As a matter of fact, he could not remember anything from that time. He did recall some fragments of it, but it didn’t feel like one complete memory. He remembered finishing a bottle of whiskey all to himself, and he remembered calling Yamaguchi once, he also remembered that Yamaguchi came to the bar not too long after that, and then he remembered the blurry faces of Akiteru and Saeko.

The next thing he knew, he was awakened with a throbbing pain in his head, horrible nausea, and puffy eyes in the guest room of Akiteru & Saeko’s apartment.

That was probably the first and last time he ever got that drunk. He used to not understand why some people like to drown their problems with alcohol, but he finally understood it when he thought that his relationship with Hitoka might come to an end. The alcohol certainly didn’t solve your problem, but it did help to distract you from that problem, at least for a short time.

“Yacchan is truly something else,” Yamaguchi said as he put a glass of water on the coffee table, “She’s the only person who can render you to be this… pathetic.”

Kei groaned as he forced himself to sit up on the couch, “Oh, shut up.”

Yamaguchi sat on the carpet next to the table and pensively said, “I just hope you two can work out the problem that you had.”

Kei drank all the water, hoping that it would flush all the alcohol in his system, before laying back on the couch again since his head was still making the room spin. He closed his eyes and murmured, “It’s not exactly our problem… It’s just mine. Like you said, I’m an ass.”

“I’m glad you agreed with me, Tsukki.”

“Just this once.”

Yamaguchi laughed, “Okay, whatever you say, Tsukki.”

“Anyway,” Kei said as he ignored Yamaguchi’s remark, “Will you tell Hitoka that I’m already back at home? So she can finally rest assured and not worry about me anymore.”

“Already did. She was pleased, but I doubt she can rest assured and not worry.”

“Shit, you are right,” Kei clicked his tongue as he could only imagine how anxious she might be for the rest of the night, “I’m really a selfish asshole.”

“Okay, that’s enough self-deprecation for a day, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi interjected, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Kei opened his eyes and stared at the empty ceiling for a long time and he realized that he might actually be drunk because he did end up telling Yamaguchi about the problem he was facing. However, when he recounted it to Yamaguchi, it didn’t really feel like a problem, it just felt like he was whining about something like a little child.

He thought Yamaguchi was going to point that out to him, just as he usually did, but he didn’t. Instead, Yamaguchi asked something that made Kei almost question his own hearing.

“I never told you this, Tsukki, but I used to have a crush on Yacchan, and I knew that you were aware of it.”

This of course made Kei sit up again on the couch. Regardless of the tension that sudden movement had caused to his head and eyes, he persisted as he looked at Yamaguchi in disbelief, “What?!”

“In high school, you knew that I had a crush on her, right?” Yamaguchi said good-naturedly, “Don’t try to deny it, it’s pointless to lie when you are not sober.”

Kei glanced away and sighed. He brought his palms to his face and rubbed his face—as if he tried to rub some sense into himself—before answering, “…Yeah, I knew. But what’s that got to do with this?”

“When did you start liking Yacchan, Tsukki?”

He narrowed his eyes at Yamaguchi, “What are you trying to—”

“It was in the third grade, wasn’t it?”

Kei pressed his mouth together. He wanted to shake his head and say that Yamaguchi had got it all wrong, but he couldn’t because he knew it would lead him to lie to his best friend. To be fair, he didn’t know when his feelings for Hitoka first came to be because he wasn’t even sure about the meaning of having a crush. However, if those feelings meant that he wanted to spend more time around her, the third year of high school was definitely the right answer. However, he had never really tried to delve into that part of his brain, so he never really found the real answer to his feelings for her back then.

“…I guess,” Kei finally replied hopelessly, “I don’t really know…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I… I just never really thought about it. I wasn’t even sure if I could call it a crush,” Kei shrugged, “I mean, you never told me about your crush either.”

“Because I knew that you knew, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi said steadfastly.

“Okay, this is getting ridiculous, Yamaguchi,” Kei slightly raised his voice, “What do you want to prove here?”

“Alright,” Yamaguchi took a deep breath before answering, “You never told me about it, or even tried to think about your feelings for Yacchan, because you wanted to respect me, right?”

Kei rubbed his own nape as he remembered the days he had spent with Yamaguchi in school. They had known each other since elementary school and so Kei had watched Yamaguchi go through a lot of heartbreaks. Rejection, miscommunication, misunderstanding, and humiliation, he had seen it all. In fact, he indirectly caused some of those heartbreaks too.

Therefore, when he learned about Yamaguchi’s crush on Hitoka and saw how genuinely sweet Hitoka had been toward Yamaguchi, all he could think about was finally! Most of the time, Yamaguchi had a crush on some horrible two-faced people, and so Hitoka was definitely an improvement. Therefore, he promised himself to not mess this one up.

He could make a promise to not mess with them, but he forgot to make a promise to not fall for her too.

“I might not be the world's greatest friend,” Kei murmured, “But I still have my values, you know.”

“Come on now, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi smiled softly at him, “You are the greatest friend I could ever ask for. Besides, this isn’t about values, it’s about how you always put anyone you care about above yourself.”

“That doesn’t sound like me…”

“You could easily ignore my feelings and ask Yacchan out while we were still in high school, and I’m sure she would accept it. I mean, I already knew that I didn’t have any chance with her at all.”

“Now you are the self-deprecating one,” Kei sighed, “Don’t be ridiculous, she liked to be around you more than me. Even Kageyama would have a bigger chance than me.”

“Uh no, just for your information, you don’t casually hang around with your crush. She saw me, Hinata, and Kageyama no more than friends,” Yamaguchi shrugged, “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, you were actually much more selfless than what you give yourself credit for.”

Kei could not believe what Yamaguchi was saying to him. Selfless? Him? That didn’t sound like him at all, it was like Yamaguchi was describing someone else.

“I know you don’t believe me, but you know I’ll never lie to you,” Yamaguchi smiled widely at him, “Like, the fact that you claimed that you were selfish to Hitoka should give you enough answer. Selfish people, more often than not, don’t actually realize that they are selfish, you know. But look at you now, miserably blaming yourself for being selfish with Yacchan.”

Kei ran his fingers through his hair and grinned, “You are one hell of a talker,” he said as Yamaguchi’s words made him feel a lot better about himself.

“Thank you, I know I’m charismatic,” Yamaguchi nodded boastfully before saying, “You see, I might have known you for years, but I’m sure Yacchan understands you more than anyone. I genuinely believe you two can work out whatever problem you have right now.”

“You think so?” Kei brought his hands together and rubbed them against each other before he finally asked, “Then do you think she will understand when I tell her about my intention of marrying her?”

He could see Yamaguchi’s eyes grow thrice in size the moment he spoke those words. Yamaguchi fidgeted in his position and stammeredly muttered, “S-so, that’s the problem?”

“More or less…”

“Okay… Uhm, thank you for telling me that,” He smiled a little awkwardly, but Kei knew that Yamaguchi was appreciative of his honesty, “Anyway, to answer your question, I think she will understand. You two have been dating for how long now? Around three years, right? Do you think she never thought about it herself?”

Kei pressed his lips together as he realized he never thought about it at all. “I suppose…” he muttered.

“Which is why there’s a possibility that she might be waiting for you to bring that up. But unfortunately, here you are, sulking over it rather than talking about it with her. I mean, why are you stressing over something that you can't control? Just go for it, whatever will be will be, right?”

“Yeah… I know… You are right.”

“Although to be fair, I’m not married. So, if you need some advice about this kind of topic, you should ask your brother or Tanaka-san.”

“… I’ll think about it, but thanks,” Kei let out a small smile at Yamaguchi before it faded away as he was reminded of something that had been bothering him since they had this conversation, “Speaking of… You are no longer crushing on—”

“Of course not,” Yamaguchi immediately interrupted him and chuckled, “It was gone when we graduated high school. So, don’t worry. I knew you wouldn’t date her until you could make sure that I was not crushing on her again.”

Kei furrowed his brows, “You noticed that?”

“Of course, I did. You were asking a bunch of implicit questions about Yacchan to me, did you think I would not pick that up?”

“Well, that was my wish.”

“Sorry, but I’m actually quite perceptive,” Yamaguchi jested, “So yeah, as you can see, I only see her as a friend now, nothing more and nothing less. As a matter of fact, I’m rooting for you two.”

“…Thanks Yamaguchi,” he said softly.

“Hey, don’t sweat it, that’s what friend is for, Tsukki.”

Kei smiled at Yamaguchi, a person who always saw the best in him. Someone with an unstoppable drive for change and growth that he admired so much. A best friend that he never thought he could have, but the universe was kind enough to grant him one.

He was glad and thankful that Hitoka decided to call Yamaguchi for him that night. Indeed, she always had his best interest in heart.

—Chapter 2 End—

Chapter Text

The last thing Kei remembered from the previous night was Yamaguchi leaving his apartment just a little bit before midnight and how he went to bed with a throbbing head. Fortunately, despite the painful headache, he was still able to fall asleep. Unfortunately, the headache persisted when he woke up the next morning.

However, Kei liked to think that his headache was not solely caused by his extensive alcohol consumption the previous night but was also caused by the sudden turn of events in his supposedly peaceful Sunday morning. Kei was awakened that morning by his doorbell ringing repeatedly in his apartment. He thought there was an emergency in his unit, but it turned out to be just Akiteru and Ryuunosuke who decided to visit him unannounced that day.

“YO KEI!” Ryuunosuke shouted immediately as soon as Kei opened the door. Kei cringed in pain as his loud voice pierced his brain like a thousand needles.

“Oh my god, can you not shout?” Kei said as he massaged his temple.

“You look good, Kei” Akiteru remarked jestingly, “Mind if we come in?”

Kei glanced at the two figures that stood in front of his door and frowned, “If I say no, will you two leave?”

“No,” they replied in union.

“You don’t have to ask then, make yourself at home, I guess,” Kei murmured tiredly before turning away from the door and walking back toward the living room since the throbbing in his head was getting more and more annoying with each passing moment.

“HEARD YOU GOT WASTED YESTERDAY, BRO!” Ryuunosuke yelled from the hallway as Kei lay down on the couch.

“Did you not hear me?! Stop shouting!” Kei exclaimed loudly using the last amount of energy that he still had.

“Oh shit, sorry,” Ryuunosuke said almost like a whisper and suddenly Kei felt something tickling his right ear as he heard another whisper, “Heard you got wasted yesterday, bro.”

He couldn’t believe what Ryuunosuke just did. If he wasn’t suffering from a hangover, he probably would’ve punched the face of said guy across the room, but since he was indeed suffering from one, he could only close his ear and elbow him in the face. He missed though since Ryuunosuke skillfully avoided his attack.

“Shut up,” Kei groaned as he turned his body toward the couch’s back and hid his head under a pillow.

“Come on, Ryuu, you can clearly see he’s unwell,” Akiteru said, followed by the sound of plastic bags on the counter, “He probably spent last night sulking because Hitoka-chan ignored him.”

“Ouch, I’m sorry, Kei!”  Ryuunosuke mumbled theatrically as if he was the one in pain.

Kei pulled away the pillow from his head and sat up on the couch as he said, “I have changed my mind, I want you two to leave.”

“Really?” His brother sounded so dejected. He made a gesture with his hands toward the plastic bags on the counter and said, “I was about to make you a bowl of your favorite miso soup, though. I even asked Mom about the recipe.”

The idea of having a bowl of warm soup that morning was certainly tempting, especially when he had no energy in him to make one by himself. Not to mention it would be a bowl of his mother’s signature miso soup. His mother always made it every time Kei was under the weather, and being hungover wasn’t much of a difference than that.

Kei scowled at his brother who knew very well how to lure him into defeat. He wasn’t any better though, he didn’t have any choice but to yield to his brother’s trap since his body began to crave that warm soup.

“…Fine, you can stay, Nii-chan,” Kei then turned to face his other brother and said, “But you Ryuu-san on the other hand, you can go.”

“Hey!” Ryuunosuke protested, “Is that how you treated someone who came all the way from another prefecture to see you, bro?”

“Yeah, pretty much so.”

“Okay, okay!” He raised both of his hands in surrender, “I’m sorry for teasing you.”

“You better be.”

“Uh huh, promise!”

“Okay.”

“… So am I forgiven now?” Ryuunosuke asked a little nervously at him, “I mean, can I get you something, bro? A warm towel? A cup of coffee? A blanket? A pain killer? Anything?”

“You can get me some peace and quiet, Ryuu-san.”

“Got it!” Ryuunosuke made an imaginary zipping motion over his mouth then he saluted at him before he left toward the kitchen, probably to help Akiteru who was only snickering at the exchange.

Kei laid back again on the couch and closed his eyes as he tried to soothe the headache as best as he could. He drifted off a little bit before he was roused by the comforting smell of warm foods and freshly cooked rice. Kei slowly stood up from the couch and walked toward the dining table which both Akiteru and Ryuunosuke had prepared for him (and themselves). The sight somehow reminded him of the last time he stayed in his brother’s apartment after he got drunk.

Kei concluded that it wasn’t so bad to be treated like that sometimes.

When he stirred the cloudy broth of the miso soup with the spoon, he could tell that his brother was watching intently at him. Then, as the warm soup finally touched his tongue and glided to his throat, he could sense all the tension and soreness gradually left his body. It surprisingly tasted like home but at the same time, it also tasted like nothing his mother had ever made before.

“How was it?”

“It’s safe to say that you can give it to your children, Nii-chan,” Kei remarked nonchalantly as he continued drinking the broth.

Akiteru nodded with pride as he took another scoop of rice to his own bowl, “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Anyway, why are you two here”

“To help you get over your hangover obviously,” Akiteru replied.

“But how did you two know I’m hungover?”

“Well, who do you think told us?” Ryuunosuke shrugged before he put a piece of grilled salmon in his mouth.

Kei clicked his tongue as he cursed under his breath, “Damn it, Yamaguchi.”

“We just want to make sure that you weren’t passed out drunk like before,” Akiteru explained good-naturedly, “and luckily that didn’t seem to be the case.”

“Uh, not exactly though. I kinda wanted to see you being drunk, Kei,” Ryuunosuke mumbled forlornly with a hint of disappointment.

Kei glared at Ryuunosuke in vexation before shifting his attention to his brother, “But is it okay with you being here, Nii-chan? What about Kai and Hiro?”

“Don’t worry about that, I mean, Saeko wanted me to visit you today, she was very encouraging actually.”

“Nee-chan also has taiko practice today, so I’m sure my parents are happy to have some quality grandparents' bonding time with Kai and Hiro,” Ryuunosuke added.

Consequently, Kei turned his head to face Ryuunosuke and asked, “Well, how about you then, Ryuu-san? Did you really choose to visit me over having your weekend with Kiyoko-san?”

“When you put it that way it sounds like I’m cheating or something,” Ryuunosuke remarked a little irritably, “Just so you know Kei, I’m always ready to help and support anything for my brothers and sisters.”

“Uh huh,” Kei mumbled nonchalantly.

“Do not ‘uh huh’ me you Tsukishima Kei—”

“Okay, that’s enough. Settle down, kids,” Akiteru exclaimed firmly yet still with his usual softness and it was more than enough warning for Kei and Ryuunosuke to return to their own meals. The silence didn’t last long though since his brother suddenly let out a groan mixed with a burst of laughter, “Look at what you two did to me, you’re turning me into a dad.”

“Well, you are indeed a dad, Aki-nii,” Ryuunosuke japed, “Just think of this as your training before the twins grow up.”

“Somehow I still can’t believe that I’m an actual dad.”

“Really, Nii-chan?” Kei raised his eyebrows, “It’s been over a year since the birth of your children.”

“I know! Time flies when you have babies!”

“…That’s not what I mean.”

“Let’s just drop this topic, guys,” Ryuunosuke babbled in between his chews, “This is our grown-up male bonding time.”

“Oh my god, stop saying that!” Kei rolled his eyes.

“What? It’s true though. We are all males and we are all grown-ups.”

“… I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear that.”

“Alright, alright, anyway,” Akiteru cleared his throat, “Kei, do you mind telling us why you ended up in this situation in the first place?”

“What situation?”

“You and your hangover, of course.”

Kei frowned, “Why do you assume it has something to do with a problem?”

“I don’t know, just an older brother instinct.”

Kei glanced at his brother before shifting his attention back to his bowl, “Well, you are wrong.”

“I mean, it’s cool if you don’t want to talk about it,” Akiteru continued, “But to think that you would rather leave a problem unsolved, that just doesn’t seem like you at all.”

“Maybe he’s finally losing his edge,” Ryuunosuke remarked nonchalantly.

Kei took a deep breath. He knew that they were just trying to rile him up until he relented, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t annoying. There was nothing that he hated more in the world than people assuming things about him, especially boldly claiming that he couldn’t do certain things. If there’s one person that could do it, it's himself. Therefore, would he rather stay quiet and let them have the last laugh or would he rather prove them wrong?

Oh, how he detested what he was about to do.

“I hate you two so much.”

“We know,” Akiteru said good-naturedly with a smile, “So, were we right? Is it about Hitoka?”

Kei lowered his head slightly and mumbled, “…Yeah.”

“… It’s not about breakup, is it?” Ryuunosuke asked carefully.

“No, it’s not about that. In fact, she didn’t do anything… It’s just me.”

Neither Akiteru nor Ryuunosuke said anything. They didn’t even move their utensils as they waited for him to continue. There was a slight second when Kei had a second thought, but then he remembered Yamaguchi’s advice from last night. He had two people closest to him already married, so he would be a fool if he didn’t use that to his advantage.

“I don’t know how… how to bring up the topic of marriage?”

There was silence.

“Forget it, it was—”

“Hold on, hold on!” Ryuunosuke raised his voice as he tried to stop Kei from standing up, “Just give us some moment to process.”

Akiteru nodded vigorously at him, “Yeah!”

Kei frowned as he stared at the two of them in annoyance.

“Okay, done, we are done processing,” Akiteru exclaimed.

“Yup, yup. Done,” Ryuunosuke added as he immediately straightened his back on the chair.

Kei didn’t say anything and kept staring at them blankly.

Akiteru cleared his throat before asking, “So… I take that you are bothered because you have no clue about how to have that kind of conversation with Hitoka-chan?”

“Yeah.”

There was a slight smile appearing on his brother’s face as he said, “Wow… Not gonna lie, I’m kinda surprised that you struggle with it.”

“Yeah, you are still a human after all,” Ryuunosuke chimed in, and even though he said it almost in a whisper, Kei was still able to hear it.

“Anyway,” Akiteru quickly interjected before Kei could respond, “You can start by asking about her future plan, that way you can get a general idea about the kind of questions you can appropriately ask regarding her stance on marriage. And believe it or not, it will become easier to talk about deeper stuff after that.”

“Did you do that to Saeko Nee-san?”

“Yeah. That was when I learned that she wanted to marry between the ages of 28 and 30.”

Kei recalled that Saeko was just two months away from turning 29 when she got married to his brother. So, his brother’s suggestion could work. However, it raised another question in his mind.

“But when did you exactly ask that?”

Akiteru hummed and closed his eyes before answering, “Around one and a half years into our relationship.”

Kei widened his eyes, “That’s fast.”

“Not as fast as Ryuu, though. He basically proposed to Kiyoko-chan when they first met.”

“Hey, that one didn’t count!” Ryuunosuke protested with slight embarrassment in his face, “I was still a teenager back then.”

“Sorry, it was a joke, Ryuu,” Akiteru chuckled before turning his attention back to Kei, “Well, I like to think that I asked Saeko-chan about marriage at a reasonable time. I mean, you might not know this, but some people already have that kind of conversation on the first date. So I think, at the end of the day, it all depends on the couple; some like to do it fast while some don’t.”

“… Then, how do you know when the reasonable time is?”

“I don’t think anyone has a right answer for that,” Ryuunosuke answered, “I mean, do you want to marry her?”

“If I didn’t want to marry her, we wouldn’t be having this conversation at all.”

“Great, you already know the answer then.”

“…What?”

“Hey, you asked about when is the reasonable time, and so I helped you find it,” Ryuunosuke shrugged, “If you already know you want to marry her, then what are you waiting for? Isn’t that enough already?”

Akiteru nodded as he pointed at Ryuunosuke, “He’s right.”

Kei could not believe it, was the answer to the problem that had been plaguing him for so long just that simple? So simple that even Tanaka Ryuunosuke could point that out to him? Was he really losing his edge?

“Although I doubt it was the only thing that bothered you though,” Ryuunosuke continued.

“I think I have an idea about that,” Akiteru added while giving Kei a knowing look.

He furrowed his brows at Akiteru, “What? What is it?”

“Hmm… Maybe you are worried,” Akiteru said ever so gently, “Or maybe you are afraid that you’ll instead learn that Hitoka doesn’t actually want the same thing as you.”

Worried? Afraid?

Kei blinked once… and twice… and thrice… as his brother’s words sunk into him. Something about that information left a horrible bitter taste in his mouth. Was it true? All of this was just because he was scared to learn about her reaction regarding that topic. He—

“If that’s the case, don’t worry, I experienced that too,” Akiteru immediately said.

Ryuunosuke nodded, “Yep, me too.”

“I bet if you ask Dad, he will say the same thing. Even Saeko-chan felt that too. I mean, it’s just part of our nature, isn’t it?”

There was something liberating and reassuring about knowing that your pathetic experience wasn’t just yours alone. It was still hard for him to accept, but it was normal to not have the answer to every question and problem you faced with.

“Do you trust Hitoka?” Akiteru suddenly asked.

“Well yeah, of course I do.”

“If you trust her, then you should believe that she loves you the same,” Akiteru said, “If there’s something I learned from Saeko-chan, it’s about how love is actually having faith in your partner and letting go of all the doubts. They’ll stay if they want to stay. They’ll say yes if they want to say yes. Even if there are problems along the way, as long as you talk about it with them, there’ll always be an answer.”

Having faith and letting go?

Oh.

Oh.

“I… I think I get it, now.” Kei muttered almost like a whisper before smiling at his brother, “Thanks, Nii-chan.”

“What about me?” Ryuunosuke raised his voice a little, “Don’t I get a thank you too?”

Kei rolled his eyes but he still smiled, “Yeah, thank you, Ryuu-san.”

“Yeah! That’s more like it!” Ryuunosuke remarked as he picked up his chopstick again, “Also, just between you and me, I don’t think you need to worry about Hitoka at all. You are set to go, bro.”

Kei furrowed his brows at him, “What do you mean?”

“Just a feeling.”

“Agree,” Akiteru nodded.

Before Kei could ask for more information regarding their cryptic messages, Akiteru and Ryuunosuke were already focusing on the meals that had forgotten, claiming that they didn’t want to spoil the taste by letting it go cold.

The first thing he needed to do after his conversation with Akiteru and Ryuunosuke that morning was to text Hitoka. However, some things were easier said than done. Kei stared at the chat room that had been awfully quiet ever since their call the previous night.

She did leave him a message though, exactly a few minutes after their call, and it said: I’m sorry for assuming things, Kei. I didn’t mean that at all. I hope we can talk again soon when you are available. I’ll give you some space in the meantime. Good night, Kei.

He already had an urge to punch himself in the face due to his stupidity last night, but reading her message had turned that urge into a need to punch himself in the face until he passed out. He really didn’t know what he did in his past life to deserve Hitoka. She was nothing but an angel, lifting his life with so much joy and blessing, and he paid it all back with his awful temperament.

He tried to type an answer, no, a plead for forgiveness from her. However, every time he finished typing it, he would reread it and cringe before erasing it all to start a new one. He would try to type again, but when he reread it, he was still not pleased with it. Therefore, he deleted it and started over. Then he tried again, and again, and again, until it became a cycle.

In the end, after staring non-stop at his phone screen for who knew how long, he was left with an empty chat box. Kei groaned as he loudly put his phone on the kitchen counter.

“Whoa, something the matter, Kei?” Ryuunosuke—who was sitting on the couch with Akiteru as they played a game on his TV—called him worriedly.

“Yeah… You’ve been standing in the kitchen for almost half an hour now,” Akiteru added as he looked at Kei quizzically.

“Nothing,” Kei replied immediately out of reflex before he realized who he was talking to. They would not buy any of his bluff. Kei let out a sigh and eventually said, “I just… I just don’t know how to text her after what I did last night.”

“You can start by saying sorry,” Ryuunosuke said, “And then say that you want to make it right by explaining everything to her.”

Kei pressed his lips together as he stared at his phone on the kitchen counter.

“Do you need us to, I don’t know, type it for you?” Akiteru suggested gently.

“No, no need.” Kei grabbed his phone again, “I think I can handle it.”

“Well, okay. But if you don’t want to talk about it right now, maybe you can still ask her to give you some more time, I’m sure she’ll understand as long as you informed her.”

“True,” Ryuunosuke nodded, “It will be better to put an end to her misery of overthinking stuff.”

“Right, thanks,” Kei said as he started to type on the chat box again. He texted Hitoka: It’s not your fault Hitoka, I should be the one who says sorry to you. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings with my words and tone. I have no defense; I was simply being a jerk to you. I’m really sorry, Hitoka. I’m still trying to sort out my feelings, so I can’t talk right now, but I’ll get to you as soon as I can. Thank you for being so patient with me, Hitoka.

It was probably the heaviest ‘send’ button he ever clicked on, but finally, he got to send something to her. He knew that message alone was not sufficient to keep her mind at rest, but it was the best that he could do in his still-intoxicated condition of brain. He put away his phone and came to join Akiteru and Ryuunosuke on the couch. Albeit that only lasted for ten minutes since he ended up falling asleep 10 minutes into his viewing.

Akiteru and Ryuunosuke stayed with Kei until around four in the evening. Kei offered to drive them to the station, but they refused. They told him to rest since he apparently still looked quite hungover, and to be honest, he did feel like one. Therefore, he walked them to the apartment's main entrance and waited until he could not see them anymore.

When he returned to his apartment, Kei realized how quiet the space actually was, especially when he compared it to the previous hours. Oddly enough, the silence became some sort of unsung lullaby to him. Kei automatically went to his bedroom and thought to himself that he wanted to just rest his eyes for a few minutes—never trust this kind of thought—and so he put his phone and eyeglasses on the bedside table before crashing himself on the mattress.

The next thing he knew, there was a sound of his ringtone blaring inside his bedroom. He opened his eyes and saw nothing but darkness. He rubbed his eyes before grabbing his screaming phone. He narrowed his eyes and brought the screen closer to his face as he tried to read the name.

Much to his confusion, there was no name, there were just numbers. Usually, he would reject it, if it was indeed important, they would text him. However, for some reason, he decided to follow his gut and answer the unknown numbers.

“H…hello?” He immediately cleared his throat when he realized the crack in his voice from sleep.

“Hello, Kei-kun,” A familiar voice was heard from the other line, “It’s me Madoka. I’m sorry, did I disturb your rest?”

“Madoka-san?” His eyes shot open as he immediately sat up on the bed, “No, you didn’t, don’t worry. What’s the matter, Madoka-san? Did you change your number?”

“No, this isn’t my number, I’m borrowing someone’s phone,” there was a sigh of weariness coming from her before she finally said, “It’s quite embarrassing for me to say, but I really need your help.”

Borrowing someone’s phone? That information was enough for Kei to suspect that something was not exactly right. He furrowed his brows as he asked, “Okay… What do you need help for?”

“Do you think you can pick me up? From the station? I… I ran into some problems.”

Kei immediately grabbed his glasses from the bedside table and stood up from the bed. “What?” He exclaimed, slightly raising his voice, “What happened Madoka-san? Are you alright?”

“I’m alright, I’m alright. It’s just… I apparently left my wallet and all my cards in the office and so I couldn’t board the train,” she explained shamefully, “Unfortunately, that’s not all. I also bumped into someone on my way to the station and for some reason my phone ended up in a fountain… So, as you can tell, I’m stuck here.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I feel sorry for myself as well, and for you. I really don’t want to bother you, but you’re the only number who lives near this area that I memorize…” There was a pause, “I’m really sorry, you are the only one I got.”

“Hey, it’s okay, Madoka-san,” Kei said reassuringly, “I don’t mind it one bit, it’s not a bother at all. I’ll be there soon. Where are you exactly?

After Madoka gave him the location of the station, Kei spared no time—other than making a quick stop at the kitchen for a drink—and grabbed his coat and car key from the hallway before exiting his apartment.

It took him around 30 minutes to drive to the station where Madoka said she was. She was already standing near the road, so it wasn’t hard for Kei to spot her. It was a little bit weird though for Kei to not see her as the proper business lady that she usually was. Her hair was disheveled, her blouse and skirt were tousled, and the makeup could barely hide the exhaustion from her face.

“Thank you for doing this, Kei-kun,” Madoka said as she put on the seatbelt.

“It’s my pleasure, Madoka-san, I’m happy to help,” Kei said as he drove the car from the station, “Are you alright?”

“Why? Don’t I look like I’m alright?”

“No, not really.”

“Well, aren’t you an honest young man?” Madoka chortled slightly.

“I try to be.”

“Madoka smiled before saying, “In case you’re worried, it’s just some boring things at work. Things like conflicts, deadlines, dramas, clients, and all that stuff.”

“Ah, right. Like mother like daughter.”

“Tell me about it,” Madoka sighed, “It’s a little bit scary to see myself in her.”

Kei laughed, “At least you don’t need a DNA test to prove it.”

“Oh, you!” Madoka slapped his hand humorously, “I pushed her out of my body, do you think I would mistake her for another baby?”

“I’m just saying. There’s always a chance.”

“To be fair, even if that was the case, I still wouldn’t leave her,” Madoka muttered flatly, “Unlike a certain person.”

Kei raised his eyebrows at Madoka’s remark. A certain person, she couldn’t be possibly talking about—

“You know who I meant, right?”

“… I’m not sure.”

“You don’t need to pretend, I knew you knew about Hitoka’s father,” Madoka interjected, “Hitoka told me about it.”

Kei glanced slightly from the road to Madoka, to see her expression, but all he could see was a serene expression on her face. “Yeah…” he replied, “She told me about it.”

“Well then, what do you think about it?”

“…What do I think about it?” Kei repeated carefully, “I… I just think how hard it must be for you and her. Especially you, Madoka-san, I don’t think I can comprehend how much you struggled with raising Hitoka all alone.”

“Looking back, it was indeed hard, but I would gladly do it again for Hitoka,” Madoka said with a fondness in her voice, “I guess that’s just the thing with motherhood, although I don’t think I’m very good at it.”

“I think you did a remarkable job, Madoka-san,” Kei replied softly, “There’s no one in the world who doesn’t like her personality and good manners.”

“Thank you, it… it means a lot, Kei-kun. Especially coming from you.” Madoka smiled, “You should be grateful to have a mother like Akari-san.”

“Of course.”

“Speaking of Akari-san… I heard she finally gave her ring to you.”

Kei could feel that for one millisecond his heart was not beating due to shock. Fortunately, it didn’t cause him to lose control of the vehicle, but in its place, his palms became so sweaty that the steering wheel started to be slippery.

“Are you okay?” Madoka asked in a tone that was half-worried and half-teasing, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I… I’m sorry for not telling you immediately, Madoka-san,” Kei was stuttering a little bit as his face began to heat up.

Madoka laughed loudly, “Oh, relax, Kei-kun. It’s not a big deal. I might be her mother, but she’s an adult now, she can make her own choice. Besides, I trust you.”

Kei glanced quickly at her in disbelief, “Really?”

“Do you think I would like to be picked up by someone I don’t trust?”

“Yeah, makes sense,” He smiled, “Thanks.”

There was a silence that followed. Kei was still focusing on the road, but even without looking at Madoka, he could tell that she was thinking about something.

“You know,” Madoka finally opened her mouth, “The thing about having a divorce that nobody ever speaks about is the fact that it feels surprisingly contradictory. There is happiness for finally ending a marriage that is no longer working, but there is also sadness and grief when you realize that you are a failure for you can’t keep your marriage afloat like most couples out there.”

Kei was so taken aback by Madoka’s blunt honesty that he couldn’t help but notice the contrast between the Madoka he first met and this current Madoka.

Kei first met Madoka when there was a school festival in their second year of high school. He remembered he came across Madoka who was walking around with Hitoka, and he was quite surprised by her professional and elegant appearance (which was very different from Hitoka). He thought she was like those typical strict parents, hence why he was a bit anxious when he had to meet her after he officially dated Hitoka. However, she was nothing like that at all. Therefore, to have her speak such a personal thing to him, Kei could not be more honored.

“Did Hitoka tell you the reason why we divorced in the first place?”

Kei shook his head.

“Understandable, it was not a pleasant one.”

“…What happened?” Kei asked carefully.

“He cheated on me with someone he met at a bar.”

“Oh.” Kei mumbled dejectedly, “Sorry to hear that, Madoka-san.”

Madoka let out an exasperated sigh, “Getting a divorce is one thing, but being cheated on… I’m not going to lie, it sucks, and it makes you blame yourself. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how I should’ve been at home more or been more submissive or been more stupid, because maybe then I could save my marriage.”

“He cheated on you, it’s not your fault, Madoka-san.”

“I know, but still, it’s hard to shake that feeling away,” Madoka muttered weakly, “However, as the reality began to sink in, I realized that I wasn’t as mad at him as I thought I should be. I’m actually a lot more furious over the fact that he chose his mistress over Hitoka.”

“What?!” Kei raised his voice slightly, “He did that?”

“Yeah, his mistress didn’t want to take care of Hitoka, and so he never fought for her custody.”

“That’s awful…” Kei tightened his grip on the steering wheel as he imagined how Hitoka must have felt when she finally learned about this. He could not comprehend how someone could leave their own child like that.

“To be fair, I think he does love Hitoka, at least to some capacity. Alas, he longed to be desired by a woman over loving his own child. I knew it was hard for him to let go of Hitoka, but he did it anyway.”

“So, he just left like that?”

“Yeah, and he never even told me any of his contacts before he left, but I did give him my number and email just in case he wanted to see or talk to Hitoka. I hate him but I don’t have the heart to forbid him from being in contact with Hitoka, yet at the same time, I don’t actively encourage a meeting between him and Hitoka…” Madoka folded her arms, “It’s something that I deeply regret because I indirectly cut them from each other’s lives. I mean, despite everything, they are still a father and a daughter.”

“…Madoka-san,” Kei said delicately, “As far as I’m aware, Hitoka has always told me that you are more than enough. She never once thought that she received less love than any of her peers. So, she genuinely felt like she didn’t really miss anything by not having a father around. Besides, if he did care, he wouldn’t need your encouragement to stay in contact with Hitoka.”

“Well, he did eventually reach out, around last year. But Hitoka doesn’t want to do it, at least not so very soon.”

“Yeah, she told me that too.”

“She did? That’s nice,” Madoka remarked thoughtfully, “I’m happy Hitoka had someone she could tell everything about.”

Kei pressed his lips as he remembered the last conversation that he had with Hitoka. He wondered whether Madoka would still believe that sentiment if he told her the truth.

“As a mother, I want all the best for my daughter, and that includes my wish for her to have a much better marriage life than me. Although to be quite honest, it’s hard for me to think that there would be someone out there who deserved Hitoka. As a matter of fact, there was a part of me who used to think that it was better for her to not end up with anyone since it would save her from heartbreak...”

“But?”

“But I clearly underestimated Hitoka. She’s everything that I wished I could’ve been growing up. She’s brave, kind, strong, smart, cheerful, and so full of love. I can’t help but root for everything that she decides to do,” Madoka glanced at Kei warmly, “and to support anyone who she chooses to be with.”

Kei’s eyes widened as he stared at her, “Madoka-san…”

“To be quite honest with you, I was skeptical when Hitoka told me about you being his boyfriend. I never thought she would end up with someone like you since you know, she was quite a sensitive and meek teenager,” Madoka explained, “Luckily, I was wrong. I’ve never seen someone as hard-working, caring, and honest as you.”

Kei just blinked as he didn’t know how to react to the sudden focus on him.

“You see, before we met for that dinner, Hitoka actually told me beforehand that your façade might come across as rude and uninviting, but the truth is, you are actually kind, sweet, and reliable. I didn’t believe it at first, but when I finally met you, I could see how much joy your presence was—and still is—for Hitoka,” Madoka touched his arm gently, “I’m so glad she chose you.”

If they weren’t inside a car or if he decided to roll the window down, he could make an excuse about how the wind had brought over dust that caused his eyes to produce tears. But alas they weren’t, so all he could do was averting his gaze away from Madoka while also trying to blink his eyes to dry it.

“Thanks, Madoka-san…” Kei mumbled in a voice that he hoped didn’t sound like he just suddenly got congestion, “I’m glad too that she chose me.”

The rest of the ride was filled with comfortable silence as the night became quieter and darker. Eventually, they arrived at their destination. Kei stopped his car in front of the apartment building and asked Madoka if she needed any more of his help.

“No, you did enough for one day, Kei-kun. Thank you so much for your help,” Madoka said as she unbuckled the seatbelt and took her bag that Kei had grabbed from the backseat. However, just as she was about to open the door, Madoka suddenly stopped.

“Ah! One thing, Kei-kun,” Madoka returned to her position and looked at him, “I did say you don’t have any obligation to tell me about your intention to marry Hitoka, but you absolutely should tell Hitoka about it.”

Kei nodded dutifully, “Yeah, I know.”

“But again, as her mother, I do want to ask…” there was a slight grin on her face, “What is your true intention with my daughter, dear young man?”

“My intention?” Kei hummed as he played along with Madoka, “It’s actually pretty simple. I just want to spend my life with your daughter, Ma’am.”

Madoka raised an eyebrow at him, “But?”

“There is no but, Ma’am.”

“But I can sense a tiny hint of hesitation from you, young man.”

Kei glanced away and sighed as he dropped the playful performance, “… But I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

“I see… Well, I don’t think I’m the right person to say this,” Madoka said gently, “but I believe that you won’t be ever ready for marriage. Just like you won’t know whether you are truly ready for a career change or something similar. There’s no guarantee that everything will go well according to your plan. Sometimes, you just need to go for it and trust yourself.”

Kei went quiet as he listened to every word from Madoka.

“I’m not saying you can’t be prepared. I mean, you must come into a marriage with the right mind and position in life to, like you know, the money, the house, the values, and the mentality,” Madoka continued, “However, in the end, marriage is both a personal and shared decision between you and your partner. Don’t listen to everyone or even me. Ignore people who say you have to do this or that by this age or by this order. Everyone is different, right? Don’t be like me, who decided to get married because I was told to. Get married because you truly want to do it from the bottom of your heart, and you are ready to face all the things marriage life will bring you.”

As Kei tried to process all the things that Madoka told him, Madoka laughed at him before saying, “That’s just food for the thought. Count it as my gratitude for your help, today.”

Madoka once again thanked him before exiting the door, and Kei waited until he saw she safely made it into the lobby of the building.

People bring up a lot about the one when talking about marriage. They treated it as some kind of a magical moment about you’ll know when you know. It was simply a big nonsense for Kei though. To make such an important decision solely based on your gut feelings, that’s ridiculous.

Yet, he did understand what they meant when he finally dated Hitoka. Albeit for him, it wasn’t like a magical abstract moment, he saw it more as a realization that he trusted her more than anyone in the world and it would be his honor to spend the rest of his life with her.

He still remembered the exact moment he felt that realization. It was a few months after they officially started dating, which was around the beginning of 2020, and just like the previous years, Kei and his team participated in the Volleyball League 2 matches.

They had been doing great in a few matches, but that day they experienced their first loss of the season. It was not the end for their team; they could still secure their rank if they won their other matches. Still, a loss was still a loss and it left you with a pain of what could’ve been.

Would they have won if they had chosen another strategy? Would they have won if they didn’t fuck up that rally? Would they have won if they hadn’t missed that chance ball? Would they have won if they didn’t let that one ball out? Would they have won if they had a chance to break the momentum by asking for a time-out?

Would they have won if he just played a lot better?

Even after the encouraging stuff that the coach said to them, the fact remained, they didn’t win. They were the losers, and it wasn’t easy to shake that feeling away, something that the coach knew as well. Therefore, the coach didn’t say a thing as the team grieved. Some cried, some enraged, and some sulked. The changing room very much became a house of gloom.

Kei believed that he didn’t belong to any of those three categories, but he could taste the disappointment and sadness that filled the air as he put in a change of clothes right after he took a quick shower. That also didn’t stop him from replaying the whole play in his mind as he scraped for any misses or any tactics that he could learn to better himself in the next match.

Just as he watched for the third time in his mind about the match they just lost, he suddenly heard a commotion coming from his teammates. That was when he realized that he was just standing in front of his locker in silence for probably way too long. He adjusted his glasses as he turned around to see his teammates were standing near the entrance of the changing room.

They were muttering something, but he couldn’t hear anything audible from where he stood. But he did hear them calling his name a few times.

Just as he was about to approach them, one of his teammates in the crowds spotted him and exclaimed, “There you are Tsukishima!”

“You never told us you have a girlfriend,” other teammates remarked.

Kei was taken aback, “What the hell are you talking about?” he asked as he tried to investigate the crowds that had formed.

There were many things that he expected to see, but to see a familiar blonde girl being surrounded by his giant teammates was not one of them. If this kind of thing happened when they were all still in high school, the girl would surely pass out. Even still, seeing his girlfriend in that kind of situation—no matter if they were his teammates and they were just having some polite conversation with her—alerted his instinct. He immediately walked through the crowds.

“Ah, Tsukki!” Koganegawa who was standing near Hitoka greeted him.

Hitoka’s face lit up at the sight of Kei. However, behind her smile, he could detect a slight embarrassment, as if she was being busted for doing something illegal.

“What’s the meaning of this?”

“I was outside in the court taking some photos with fans when I saw Yacchan all alone,” Koganegawa beamed as he explained, “So I offered her to see the team!”

“I think it was more like you forced her to come here,” Kyoutani chimed in.

“Well, yeah, but I want to introduce her to the team, also I’m doing Tsukki a favor.”

“What favor? This is ridiculous. If coach finds out about this, you’ll be dead Koganegawa,” Kei mumbled annoyingly as he gently took Hitoka’s hand and pulled her outside.

He could hear some of his teammates complaining about his treatment, saying that they just wanted to get to know her, but Kei ignored them as he slammed the door closed.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve rejected Koganegawa-kun’s offer.”

“Don’t blame yourself, it’s almost impossible to reject him,” Kei replied good-naturedly as he led her toward a bench not too far from there, near a vending machine. “Do you want something to drink?” he asked.

She shook her head and sat on the bench. Kei followed suit and sat next to her.

“I… I thought you wouldn’t come,” Kei finally said as the reality of her presence finally reached his consciousness. The match was held in a prefecture that was quite far away from Miyagi, so he already expected that no one he knew would be watching it at the stadium. Which, to be honest, he was grateful for since it meant that no one wasted their time for his pathetic play .

That didn’t mean he wasn’t pleased with her arrival though. There was something about Hitoka that could easily lift any situation into a more bearable one. Her presence alone could make Kei forget any of his wearies.

“I thought so too,” Hitoka smiled, “I swear that the train ticket was sold out, but apparently it wasn’t, and so I figured I could use this to surprise you.”

“Well, I am surprised,” Kei smiled.

“I was late though. I missed the bus here.” Hitoka said shamefully, “I barely made it into the third set. I’m sorry.”

“You still came, that’s more than enough for me.”

Hitoka looked at him softly with her bright brown eyes and Kei felt her soft hand holding his hand gently. “What’s wrong, Kei?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“That frown on your face contradicts your statement.”

Kei let out a sigh and shrugged, “Well, you saw my play, today.”

“I saw…” she muttered gently, “Are you upset about it?”

“I… I guess. I mean, we lost Hitoka!” Kei said dejectedly, “If… If I just timed my block a little better, or If I just hit the ball a little harder, or if I could just ace that serve of mine during that last rally, I might be able to give the teams some points.”

Hitoka didn’t say anything, but she never took her eyes off him. She looked at him, and all he could see was a sense of security, there was no trace of judgement and doubt in her eyes. Instead, she caressed his hand with a soothing touch.

“I failed… I gave it my all, but I still failed,” Kei mumbled, and he could feel a breath caught in his throat, “I let everyone down. I couldn’t save the team from losing points.”

Suddenly Kei felt a finger delicately swiped across his cheek and the next thing he knew; his eyesight became blurred.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” her tone hushed like a lullaby.

Kei closed his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from falling again, but it was futile. He shook his head and pressed his lips together but it couldn’t prevent him from letting out a sob.

“It’s okay,” she scooted closer to him and moved her hand to his back, “It’s okay, Kei. I’m here.”

The term it’s okay was ubiquitous in his life, especially as an athlete for it was like a word of comfort and a word of encouragement. It implied that yes you made a mistake, but it was not the end, you could still try again next time. However, sometimes the phrase was just not enough, it didn’t do anything to him.

Yet, there was something tender and warm about the way Hitoka said those words. The usual empty words sounded like gentle rain on the window, and he was protected with a thick blanket. Her presence alone brought over a sense of nostalgia and familiarity, like a homecoming.

‘She’s here,’ he thought, ‘I’m not okay but she’s here.’

He could not remember the last time he cried in front of someone, not because he didn’t want to—that partially was—but it was more because he couldn’t. It just felt like his body and mind rejected all the inclination for him to let out a cry.

But then there was Hitoka.

All it took was a few gentle touches and some simple words from Hitoka to undo all of the restraint he unknowingly had in himself. It didn’t take long for him to be flooded in his puddle of tears. It was a mess and it started to feel hard for him to breathe. However, just when he thought he would drown, she would be there, keeping him afloat.

Kei never understood what it truly meant to love someone, and he probably never would, but right at that moment he knew that this person was the best thing that could ever happen to his life, and he held her so very dearly. There was no doubt, this was the person that he wanted to see for the rest of his life.

Almost years later, that feeling still remained, in fact, it became even more clear for him. Through that feeling, he learned how easy it was for him to just be himself in front of her, and that was when he realized that being with her was like breathing the sweet breeze of a summer morning. It was refreshing and warm.

Kei hung up his coat and car keys as he stepped back into his apartment. He checked his phone and saw the message from Madoka who informed him that she had arrived safely back at the apartment. Then, as he noticed that it was getting quite late, he took a quick shower before retiring back to his bedroom.

He usually slept just barely before midnight, but that day felt so long that he could barely keep himself awake even when it was still around ten. Kei lay on his bed and stared at the screen of his phone. He was debating on whether he should text her or not. However, as he felt sleepiness began to consume him, he eventually sent her a message: Hitoka, I’ll call you tomorrow if that’s okay with you. Tell me when you can, okay? Good night.

The last thing he remembered was putting his phone and glasses away before he finally fell into a deep slumber.

His alarm blazed at around five thirty in the morning and he woke up right at the first notes of the alarm. Somehow, he woke up that morning with a boost of energy which was probably due to his reasonable sleep duration the previous night. He stretched his body before getting up from the bed. He checked his phone, and other than the reminder for his practice that day—in preparation for their next match the next weekend—there was still no reply from Hitoka.

Kei thought that maybe she was busy last night or maybe she also decided to go to bed early, so she hadn’t read his message yet. Moreover, it was Monday, and her work didn’t start until 08.30 in the morning, so she was probably still asleep.

He did his usual morning routine: jogging, breakfast, and a shower before he left for his practice. Since the practice won’t be long that day, he decided to use the train to get there. Fortunately, his practice started way later than school and office hours, so he didn’t have to experience the horror of the rush hour (he had learned his lesson when he tried to board a train in Tokyo during rush hour).

Kei kept checking on his phone every now and then during the practice session, but still, there were still no replies from Hitoka. Consequently, it started to get into him. He began to ponder and wonder whether as time passed by, she eventually realized how horrible he was. Perhaps she became upset and fed up with him, therefore she chose to ignore him to teach him a lesson.

“Tsukishima!” His coach called from outside the court, “Focus!”

“Yes, sir!” Kei shouted as he set himself into the position of blocking.

After some more sets and cool down, the teams gathered once again for a strategy run-through for their upcoming match. Then, when the coach dismissed them, Kei immediately went to the changing room to quickly rinse all the sweat and dirt from his body. He engaged in some short conversations with his teammates before he finally excused himself for the day.

The sky was orange when he arrived at his apartment. Kei unlocked the door and arrived at the usual dark apartment. He let out a huff of breath as he sat on the steep near the genkan so he could take off his shoes. Then, as Kei bent slightly over to reach his shoes, he suddenly lost his ability to see.

Not in a way that he suddenly became blind, but in a way that something was suddenly obscuring his line of vision, sneaking in between the tiny gap behind his glasses, and that something felt so warm and soft against his eyes. His brain’s initial response was of course to fight as one of his senses felt threatened by an unknown external object.

However, before his body could move, his other senses picked up the sweet fragrance of vanilla coming from the hands that were resting on his eyes. It activated another part of his brain and he automatically lowered his guard down as it recognized the familiarity of said fragrance.

“Guess who?”

There was a voice coming from behind him, but it was not just some random voice, it was a voice that immediately set his brain on fire. Kei gasped as he broke himself from the hands and quickly turned around to face the breacher of his apartment.

He couldn’t believe what he had just seen. There she was, kneeling on the wooden floor with her long golden strands of hair framing her face beautifully. She was smiling cheekily at him before exclaiming, “Surprise!”

Kei didn’t know what had gotten into him, but right at that moment, he was filled with an uncontrollable sense of relief that it almost felt like his body lost all its weight. There was suddenly a hunger in him, and his body responded on its own by pulling Hitoka into an embrace.

He had hugged Hitoka plenty of times before, but this time he didn’t want to let it go. He held her closer and tighter, as if afraid that even the wind could steal her away. Even if it was just a dream, he wished to never wake up.

Her delicate hands rested on his back, and she rubbed it soothingly. “I’m happy to meet you too, Kei,” she whispered happily.

“… Are you real?” he mumbled against the little skin between her neck and shoulder while relishing in the gentle smell of blossoming flowers from her perfume.

She laughed—that he knew was caused by the tickle on her skin—and answered, “Of course, I’m real. Do you think you can touch something that is not real?”

Kei pulled away slowly so he could take a good look at Hitoka whose smile never faltered. Kei moved his hand to touch a strand of hair on the side of her face and tucked it behind her left ear before he gently cupped her cheek. He rubbed his thumb slowly on the skin near her lips and he shifted his gaze between her lips and her eyes.

She didn’t say anything because it wasn’t necessary for him. In a quick move, he moved his other hand to her nape and gently pulled her forward, he angled his head slightly so his lips could meet hers.

He was only thinking of a chaste kiss, but when they pulled away, his immediate action was to take off his glasses and grab her neck again so he could kiss her once more. He could taste the artificial taste of her strawberry lip balm, but it wasn’t what he was searching for. It was her sweet voice, her hands on his shoulders, and the pulses from her neck that reassured him that Yachi Hitoka was here by his side, alive and well.

When he finally pulled away from her, Hitoka was staring at him with a flushed face and a puzzled expression. She gently brushed his hair and asked, “Kei? What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, “I shouldn’t lash out at you like I did that night. I was upset and I acted like a child by dumping it on you when none of it was your fault.”

“No, I think your anger was justified… I mean, you were just trying to support me, but I kept on pressing you to tell me something that you might not want to share yet. I’m sorry for being insensitive, Kei.”

“No, Hitoka! It’s not your fault at all, it’s mine. I was acting like a selfish jerk to you.”

“Selfish?” Hitoka raised her eyebrows, “Oh Kei, you are not selfish.”

Kei shrugged lamentably, “If I told you about it, you might change your mind.”

“Try me, then.”

“Okay, but first,” Kei took Hitoka’s hand and kissed it before saying, “Let’s go inside.”

She giggled at his action before nodding. He helped her to stand up and suddenly a thought came across his mind. Kei was not a man of impulse, but at that moment he turned into one. The moment Hitoka stood up, Kei immediately put one hand behind her knees and the other behind her back before he scooped her up like a baby.

“K-KEI!” Hitoka shrieked as she held onto his neck as if her life depended on it, “PUT ME DOWN!”

Kei laughed, “This is a special treatment for the special guest.”

“Ah! Come on! Put me down, please!”

Kei ignored her as he walked through the hallway and into the living area. To his surprise, he saw a lot of stuff in his kitchen.

“Did you bring all of these?”

“Yeah. I was thinking about making you something for dinner,” Hitoka explained, “I originally wanted to buy pasta from your favorite restaurant, but I remembered that you have a strict diet during this season.”

Kei smiled at her, “Well, thank you for being so considerate.”

“Of course,” Hitoka replied cheerily, “So, can’t you put me down now so I can continue my cooking?”

“What if I say no?”

“If that’s the case, then I will tell Kageyama-kun that you secretly collected his team’s merchandise.”

Kei could feel his face scrunched up in disgust, “I did not, Hitoka!”

“Then put me down right now!”

“Okay, fine,” Kei said as he put down Hitoka, “But you’ll let me cook too.”

“Alright, alright.”

Kei took over the duty of cleaning, cutting, and boiling things while Hitoka did the baking and the plating. They finished cooking the meal just in time for the dinner.

“So, Hitoka,” Kei asked Hitoka—who was sitting across from him—while he mixed up the salad in his plate, “How could you come here today? Don’t you have work to do tomorrow?"

She smiled widely, “You remember that time when I worked overtime to cover up the work of my co-workers, right? Well, my manager gave me three days off as compensation for me. So, I’m free until the next three days!”

“Ah. It was very nice of your manager.”

“I know,” Hitoka said as she spooned a little piece of boiled egg into her mouth, “I’ve wanted to see you, Kei.”

“Thanks, I’m glad you are here.”

“I’m glad I’m here too,” Hitoka replied cheekily before averting her attention back to her meals.

Kei looked at his own plate which was still full and at Hitoka who was cutting up the chicken breast into little pieces. He knew he had to address the elephant in the room soon. His grip on the knife and fork tightened as the mental conundrum began resurfacing again into his consciousness. However, that shouldn’t matter since he had been practicing it in his mind since yesterday. He got this!

“Hitoka…” Kei finally called.

Hitoka raised her head and crooked her head a little as she was munching her food.

“Do you already know what you want to do in the future?”

Hitoka swallowed her food and furrowed her eyebrows, “Future?”

“Yeah. Future.”

“The future is a very long time, Kei. You have to be more specific,” Hitoka said before grabbing her glass of water and drinking it.

“Well…” Kei put his eating utensils on the plate and fixed the position of his spectacles, “Your plan in the next ten years, perhaps?”

“Hmm… I didn’t exactly plan it in detail, but I did plan on becoming a successful designer, buying my own home, and being happy with my family.”

“Oh…” Kei brought his hands together and he began to fiddle with his fingers, “That’s all?”

Hitoka seemed to notice his odd demeanor because her tone suddenly shifted to a more concerned one, “What? Something’s wrong with my answer?”

“I…I’m going to be blunt with you Hitoka,” Kei looked right at her eyes, “I can see you in my future.”

Hitoka’s eyes widened while her mouth slightly opened as if she was trying to reply with something, but she couldn’t.

“I don’t have a set plan either, but every time I think about where I will be in one year, five years, ten years, or even the next fifty years, the answer will always be the same. It will always be by your side.”

Kei didn’t know what got into him, but the words came out of his mouth like a stream of water. It was as if a sudden burst of courage possessed him like a ghost. He looked at Hitoka who was still staring at him in shock, but now her face had turned red.

“H-huh?” She stuttered.

“I told you earlier that this mess happened because I was being selfish, and well this is my explanation for that,” Kei let out a sigh, “I really… really want to spend the rest of my life with you, Hitoka. Ever since we started going out, there hasn’t been a day in my life without me searching for your presence and wishing that you were not so far away.”

Hitoka gently put her eating utensils on the plate. She never once left her gentle eyes away from him, as if he was the only thing that mattered in the world right at that moment.

“You know, with the nature of my profession, I can’t really go anywhere outside this prefecture. I basically have to practice every day here. Then there’s also the instance where I need to go to another prefecture for practices or seasonal matches. Not to mention the possibility of being offered to join another club whose home is out of this prefecture… Like, I feel like it will be a handful to live with someone with a job like me,” Kei stroked his own hair in desperation, “Yet despite knowing all of that, there was still a part of me that wishes that you’ll drop everything and stay with me with no question asked…”

Hitoka remained silent as she kept listening to him. Her face was no longer red, instead, it was replaced by a more serious expression with a little hint of consideration in her eyes.

“But I don’t want to think like that. You are your own person, Hitoka. I can tell that you have your dream and goal that you want to fulfil. You even went all the way to Tokyo to make it all happen, and you had proven yourself to be capable of that with your dedication, passion, and hard work. And I’m genuinely happy for all the achievements you have made all these years. I know you deserve it all, Hitoka,” Kei paused to take a deep breath, “That’s why I’m angry at myself… How could I let myself be steered by this selfish desire of wanting you to follow the life I’ve planned for us without even asking you about it? What… What have become of me?”

“Kei…” Hitoka whispered with a slight quiver in her tone.

“You are too important to me, Hitoka,” Kei could feel his heart drop when he saw those pair of brown eyes becoming wet with unshed tears, “…So that’s when I realized that I don’t want you to leave everything just for me. I don’t mind if I don’t get to fulfil my plan, as long as you are happy with where you are, I will too.”

Suddenly, Hitoka stood up from the chair, and for a moment he thought that she was going to leave because he was saying stupid things. However, he was wrong. Hitoka walked to the chair next to him, sat there, and scooted it closer to him. Then, in one swift motion, she hugged him on the side.

“Hitoka?”

“I love you, Kei,” She muttered softly as her hug on him tightened.

Kei was obviously taken aback by her sudden confession. It was not their first time saying that, but even so, it was still a huge thing to say. Kei turned his body toward her so he could embrace her as well.

“I love you too, Hitoka.”

When they pulled away from each other, Hitoka immediately took his hand into hers and asked, “Do you really believe that I have never thought about our future, Kei?”

“Well… Do you?”

“Of course, silly,” Hitoka chortled, “We’ve been dating for more than three years now. What do you suppose I think about if it’s not about you?”

Kei stared dumbfoundedly at Hitoka, “You know, Yamaguchi said the same thing as you.”

“Really?” Hitoka laughed, “I guess he’s smarter than you, Kei.”

“Hey!”

Hitoka smiled sweetly at him before she leaned her head against his side. She still held his hand, and so Kei used his other hand to rub her hair.

“Do you know the reason why I decided to work in Tokyo, Kei?”

“No.”

“You see, ever since my father left, I have always been with Mom. She might be busy with her job, but you couldn’t separate us, and I treasured those memories very much. However, as I grew up, I realized that I wanted to be my own self,” Hitoka explained with a firm voice, “I admire Mom and she was partially the reason why I decided to pursue this career in design. But when I worked part-time in Mom’s company, I realized that I couldn’t fully grow if I never explored any other opportunity outside.”

“… And that opportunity happened to be in Tokyo.”

“Yes.”

“I remembered how scared you were when you finally had to move to Tokyo,” Kei said, “But look at you now, a full-fledged Tokyo young woman.”

“Don’t tease me, Kei,” Hitoka giggled as he pinched his hand a little, “I do like Tokyo a lot, though.”

“I know.”

“But I can’t see myself living there.”

Kei turned his head slightly toward her and raised his eyebrows, “What?”

Hitoka craned her head up to meet his gaze, “I said I can’t see myself living in Tokyo. I know I’ll return to Miyagi eventually.”

“W-what?” Kei remarked in disbelief, “Are you for real, Hitoka? Don’t you like it there?”

“I do! I think I’m going to miss it all, but I'm not going to change my mind.”

“Wait a minute,” Kei stood up and took his hand away from Hitoka, then he turned his chair so he could face her properly, “What about your career?”

Hitoka followed suit with her chair and smiled, “I haven’t told you this, but I actually had been toying with the idea of establishing my own design company for several years now.”

Kei pressed his lips together as he tried to decipher what she implied by that information. Fortunately, Hitoka once again noticed his struggle and she was delighted to provide further explanation.

“This tied in with my decision to enroll on a video production class as well as my decision to take on many projects. As I’ve said before, our world is constantly changing, and technology has advanced a lot, which has affected the way design is received by the masses. Therefore, if I want to establish my own company, then I have to understand many different types of communication designs. Don’t you agree?”

Kei nodded slowly although he still did not fully get what she meant, “Yeah… You are right.”

“You still don’t understand, don’t you?” Hitoka remarked impishly before smiling, “You know, in line with this technological advancement, now I can easily connect with many people from around Japan, or maybe the world.”

Kei blinked, “You… You don’t mean?”

“You said you are tied to your team, right? Well, unlike you, when I finally have my own company, I can work from anywhere that I want. Therefore, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“Are you serious, Hitoka?”

“I’ve never been more serious than this, Kei.”

Kei shook his head in disbelief, “Still! Leaving your career in Tokyo to start your company in Miyagi… It’s not going to be easy, Hitoka.”

“I know. It’s not like I’m going to start tomorrow,” Hitoka gently leaned her body forward. She stared at him tenderly and said, “I know it’s going to be hard, but as long as I can get through it with a person whom I love by my side, then I don’t see why I should be scared.”

For a moment, he thought he was falling because suddenly his body felt lighter, it was as if all the tension in him evaporated into the air. At the same time, his heart began to pick up its pace and Kei could feel all the muscles in his body heated up. He wanted to open his mouth, but his lips trembled. He wanted to see her, but his eyes were heavy with tears. He wanted to breathe, but his throat tensed up.

It began with a tear falling on one side of his face, then there was a sniffle, then there was another tear, and then another sniffle. Eventually, it didn’t take him a long time before he ended up becoming a mess with a wet face and hoarse voice.

In between his tears, he could see that Hitoka had moved to sit sideway on his lap. She gently stroked her thumbs underneath his eyes while saying, “You are honestly a big baby, Kei.”

“I’m… sorry,” he muttered in between his sobs.

“I didn’t realize you wanted to marry me this bad, Kei,” Hitoka giggled as she kept wiping his tears away, “I almost cried.”

“Oh, come on Hitoka,” Kei said as he finally started calming down, “I haven’t asked that question yet.”

“I thought we were already talking about that?”

Kei frowned and mumbled under his breath, “…It’s different.”

“Okay, then… asked me.”

“Woah, hold on, Hitoka,” Kei sniffled before smirking, “Who wants to get married so bad, now?”

“I…” Hitoka glanced away and whispered, “I was actually thinking about next year.”

“Oh?” Kei raised his voice slightly, “Next year?”

Hitoka was still not looking at him, but he could see that the tip of her ear was red. He grinned and slowly he leaned forward to reach her ear so he could whisper, “Are you thinking about our wedding?”

She immediately turned her oh-so-red face toward him and screamed, “KEI!”

He let out a loud laugh while Hitoka gave him some fake punches in the chest.

“Not funny!”

“It’s funny,” he said in between his laughter, “You were the one who suggested but you were also the one who embarrassed.”

She pouted bashfully, “W-well—”

He didn’t let her finish because he gave her a quick peck on the lips. Then, before the already flustered Hitoka could protest, he immediately interjected, “I think next year is nice.”

Hitoka closed her mouth and blinked before asking, “…It is?”

“Uh huh,” Kei nodded, “But before that, we have a lot of things we need to talk about first.”

“Yeah,” A smile bloomed on her face, “You are right.”

“Okay then, it settled,” Kei cleared his throat, “Although I gotta ask, are you going to continue sitting in my lap? Because if this keeps going, I don’t think any of us are going to have these meals for din—”

“I’M ABOUT TO,” Hitoka shrieked as she quickly stepped away from him. Her face was a lot redder than before. She made a little run toward her abandoned seat and immediately grabbed her eating utensils. Kei could only laugh at her antics.

Afterwards, when it was night and when Hitoka had fallen asleep on the bed next to him. Kei gently took her hand from underneath the blanket and stared at it before glancing in the direction of the tallest shelf of his closet. He put his palm against her and let their fingers intertwine.

He closed his eyes, and with a gentle realization that it probably wouldn’t take him a long time to reunite the ring with its rightful owner, Kei peacefully dozed off as he waited in anticipation for a brand-new day with Hitoka tomorrow.

-fin-