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It starts when Daniel visits around Halloween and gets it in his head that it would be hilarious if Kris dressed up as a woman. Kris says no, at first, but then Daniel triple-dog dares him and, well, then it's on.
//
And of course there's the bet. With them there always is. Daniel is determined to get Kris to do it properly, so the rules are simple – if anyone figures out Kris is Kris, Kris loses. Kris also has to stay out until at least three a.m. so Daniel knows enough people have the chance to see him. After complaining long enough about never having dressed up as a woman before and needing at least some help, Kris manages to negotiate in a clause where he can get one person to help.
Coming up with that person though, Kris finds, isn't as easy as he had thought. Before the divorce he would have roped Katy into the whole thing, and she would have rolled her eyes at them but in the end agreed to help. Now, even though it's been over a year and they're still mostly friends, Kris doesn't think this is the kind of thing he could get Katy involved in.
When Kris is narrowing down his options (which really is a nicer way of saying "trying to come up with anyone", he thinks) salvation comes to him in the form of a text from a teenaged redhead.
Yooooo mi hermano, u got plans 4 hweeen?!!! goin out w archie its gonna be the shiiizzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!! u wanna meet up?!???! miss u!!! Allison's text reads, and after Kris deciphers it he texts her back.
are you busy? Could use your help winning a bet. He presses send, and before he can even exit the screen Allison replies, im in!!!!! pick me up at4 loooooooserrrrrrrrr!!!!!! XD
Kris is starting to feel a bit better about the whole thing.
//
Kris is barely parked when Allison is already in the car, grinning hugely and hugging Kris, which is a little awkward since they're in the car but still nice, Kris thinks. Allison's hair has three more colors than the last time Kris saw her, and her eyebrow now has a ring through it.
"That's new," he says, and Allison's hand flies to the piercing, fiddling with it.
"Isn't it sick? Mom hates it," she says, sounding like she's apparently completely okay with this fact. "I told her I could take it out if I ended up hating it, it's not like it's a tattoo or anything." She pauses for a moment and then adds with a mischievous glint in her eye, "I'm getting that next month."
Kris raises his eyebrows. "And if I run into your mom…"
"You don't know a thing about anything that goes on with me, of course," Allison grins. "Well? What's this bet you need my help with?"
Kris tells Allison about the bet and waits patiently for her to stop laughing. "Okay," she finally says, still sounding gigglier than Kris would necessarily like but he's choosing to ignore that for now.
"I was triple-dog dared," he says, "Everybody knows you can't back away from that."
Allison takes a deep breath, then another, and wipes at the corners of her eyes, smudging her eyeliner a little. "True. Okay," she repeats, calmer but a smile still tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Well if that's the case, then we're gonna have to go shopping. Drive, man!" She props her feet against the dashboard of Kris' car and leans in to fiddle with the radio.
Kris obediently steps on the gas.
//
"Daniel might think he already won this bet, but we've got three things working for us," Allison says happily when they get out of the car.
"I'm guessing one of those things is you," Kris says and falls into step beside her.
"Duh," Allison says, "Of course it is."
"What are the other two things?" Kris is kind of curious, now.
"The second one is that it's Halloween! You don't actually have to go to, like, a mall or something and be a girl there. Once we come up with a costume for you we could have masks and stuff."
"Huh," Kris says, brightening. "I didn't even think of that."
"Of course not," Allison sighs.
"What's the third thing?"
Allison pauses, her hand at the handle of a costume shop door. "Your waifish figure, of course," she says. Giggling, she escapes Kris' feeling "Hey!" into the shop.
//
They see it at the same time. "Oh my god," Kris says, incredulously, looking at the outfit from top to bottom, eyes widening when he sees the shoes.
"Oh my god!" Allison shrieks gleefully. "He'd like to try this on," she informs the salesgirl.
//
Despite a quick prayer in the fitting room, the outfit fits like it was made for him. "Of course it does," Kris sighs quietly to himself. His feet hurt already, and he looks glumly down at the deathly contraptions he's meant to be able to walk in.
"What did you say?" Allison says from outside the door. "Does it fit? Are you done? Can I see?"
"I feel ridiculous," Kris complains but opens the door. Allison's mouth forms a perfect O before her hands fly up to cover it.
She looks positively wicked when she says, "Daniel is so losing that bet."
//
On Halloween, Kris goes to Allison's place to get ready when he realizes Daniel is so not above saying "I know it's you, Kris," after Kris is done and winning the bet on a technicality.
"Besides," Allison says happily when he gets there, "I can do your make-up!"
"I don't need make-up. I'll be wearing shades. No one's gonna know if I have on make-up or not," Kris says happily. The shades are his favorite thing about the whole thing, because there is no way anyone will recognize him from behind those.
"It's gotta be for real," Allison insists and pouts a little. "What if you have to take the shades off? Huh? What then?"
Kris sighs and relents.
//
"I'm really glad I asked you for help," Kris says from between clenched teeth. The 'asked' comes off sounding a bit Sean Connery-esque, and Kris' mind is – very temporarily – taken off the horrible agony Allison is currently putting him through.
"It's not my fault it didn't enter your guy brain to shave your legs," Allison says and rips off another wax strip. His poor feet still sting although Allison did them first. Kris suspects she has had it out for his hairy feet for a while.
"What are you going as?" Kris asks Allison to distract himself.
"Archie doesn't usually really dress up, but I got him to agree to Scarlett and Rhett. Wait till you see my dress, it's awesome. All he has to do is put on a nice suit and a fake mustache," she grins and rips off the rest of his hair.
"I wish all I had to do was put on a fake mustache," he mumbles. "Stupid bet."
"What did you guys bet, anyway? I mean, what does he win if you lose?"
Kris goes red. "I'll tell you if I lose?"
Allison rolls her eyes. "Fine, be that way." She hands him a bottle of lotion. "Put this on your legs, it'll feel better."
Kris accepts the bottle gratefully.
//
Women are incredible creatures, Kris thinks as he's all dressed and shoving his feet in the shoes that he's been dreading all day. Allison has done something to them, though, and they don't cut off the circulation to his toes anymore. Kris wiggles his toes in wonderment.
"It's weird being this tall," he says. Allison adjusts his wig and checks his eyeliner and fake lashes and with an approving nod hands Kris his shades. Kris wobbles over to the mirror, looks at himself and puts on the shades. "Time for the final test," he says, handing Allison his iPhone. Allison grins and takes a picture. Kris sends it to his mom with the text, Halloween in full swing already! Look at this great costume I just saw.
A moment later his phone chimes. Well shes gone all out! What are you going as honey? Kris grins and shows the text to Allison, who gives a gleeful sort of shriek. When she high fives him, he nearly stumbles off his heels.
//
Kris' stomach is in knots when Archie arrives. After all, picture is totally different than fooling someone in person. Allison is putting final touches to her costume so Kris opens the door for Archie, who is – like Allison said – dressed like Rhett and grinning from ear to ear. When he sees Kris, Archie looks confused. "Um, Allison…?"
Kris tries out the voice, a bit higher and breathier than his usual voice but one that's hopefully not a cartoon, either. "Getting ready," he says and gestures Archie inside.
"Oh, haha," Archie says and walks in. "I'm, um, I'm David," he continues and holds out his hand. Kris takes it. The press-on nails he's wearing still feel weird.
"Kris-" he starts to say, then tries to recover by coughing a little, as if something caught in his throat. "Kristina," he finishes and smiles. "I'm. A friend of Allison's."
"Oh," Archie says. They shake hands and let go. "It's nice to meet you," he continues. "That's a great costume."
"Thanks," Kris says, feeling surreal. "You too."
Archie touches his fingers to the fake mustache. "Haha, I'm still kind of getting used to this whole thing. It's sort of itchy."
"Archie, is that you?" Allison walks out, smoothing her dress and grins. "I thought I heard your voice."
Archie's eyes widen. "You look, wow, you look great, Allison." He goes over to her and gives her a quick kiss on the cheek.
Allison raises an eyebrow, grabs him by the tie and kisses him square on the mouth. Kris immediately looks anywhere but at them. When he hears Archie's "Gosh," he figures the coast is clear and turns back to them. Allison is cleaning lipstick off Archie, the rest of whose face looks just as red.
"I guess you met my friend?" Allison asks Archie casually when she checks her lipstick in a little compact.
"Oh! Kristina, yes," Archie says and smiles at Kris, still slightly resembling a tomato. "We met. Is this the costume you said you were gonna help with? It's really great."
"Isn't it?" Allison grins and puts away the compact in her little purse. Kris doesn't have a purse. He doesn't even have ID on him, but Allison assured him he could easily get in with her and Archie anyway. All he has is some cash tucked inside a hidden pocket, which to Kris' mortification was stitched to his cleavage. "Classy," Allison giggled when they discovered it.
"I thought you asked Kris to go with us," Archie is saying quietly to Allison when they get in Archie's car.
"He couldn't make it," Allison says easily, gathering her skirts and climbing on the front seat. "I think his brother is visiting or something."
"Oh," Archie says and starts the car. "That's nice, spending time with family."
Kris is too busy fighting with his stupid – though very pleasantly smooth – legs and the short, short skirt to be happy about successfully fooling Archie.
//
Allison was thankfully right about it being easy to get into the club with them. "You'd have gotten in without us, too," Allison says cheerfully, "It's good for the clubs when hot chicks come in." Kris isn't very comforted by the thought, and even less so when he remembers the look the bouncer had given him.
Archie asks Allison to dance, and Kris finds the bar, ordering a drink. Normally he would get a beer, but it doesn't seem to go along with his costume, so he gets a vodka drink instead. He's about to take the first sip when he stills, hearing a very familiar voice from right next to him.
"Oh my god, I love Gaga!"
Kris turns his head slowly. He is so busted. Adam would never be fooled, Kris is going to lose the bet and that just doesn't bear thinking about.
Only Adam seems happily buzzed and although Kris tries to look for it, there's no glimmer of recognition. Kris relaxes a little and gives Adam a small smile. Adam has spiked up his hair, and weirdly enough he's wearing a white turtleneck with a sweater over it. The sweater has orange, green and blue vertical stripes. It's a relief that he is, at least, completely covered in glitter, and his eyeliner is in full force.
He figures out Adam's costume suddenly and almost laughs out loud. "You're GlamBert," he says, and he knows he's right when Adam's eyes widen excitedly. "You're the first person who's gotten that all night! I thought it'd be obvious!"
"It might be more obvious if you were standing next to Ernie," Kris says. "GlamErnie?" he adds as an afterthought, shaking his head. "It doesn't work quite as well."
"No," Adam agrees. "Besides, my Ernie had other plans, so it's just me and a bunch of friends. Listen, do you- are you here with anyone? If you wanted to join us, we're sitting over there. I just had to come and tell you how awesome your costume is."
Kris' eyes flick over to the dance floor, where Allison and Archie are still dancing. "I… sure," he says eventually and stumbles a little when he's getting down from the bar stool. Adam's hand steadies him and he laughs. "New heels? I know what that's like."
Kris nods. "I'm not really used to them," he says and it's true, he isn't.
"I'm Adam, by the way," Adam says, because of course he would still introduce himself, Kris thinks.
"I'm Kristina," Kris says.
//
There's something liberating about hanging out with Adam and his friends when none of them know who he is. Adam keeps ordering rounds, but Kris drinks slowly and tries to remember to drink some water. He needs to keep character and to stay on those heels, and it's not going to happen if he's drunk.
Inexplicably, Adam's attention seems to be entirely on Kris, instead of the seemingly endless number of guys Adam's friends keep pointing out to him.
"Can you dance on those heels?" Adam asks suddenly and Kris finds himself nodding even though he actually has no clue if he can, and also, what the hell? Adam just grins and takes Kris by the hand, leading him to the dancefloor. Of course, of course the song changes into something with a slow, sultry beat, because Kris' life is apparently out of a bad movie where the guy dresses up as a girl and ends up slowdancing with his best friend.
The height difference is suddenly totally wrong, and Adam's hand is at the small of his back and he's right there, his skin sparkling with glitter and a thin sheen of sweat – Kris figures the turtleneck and sweater must be hot as hell in a stuffy club – and Kris fights the crazy urge to just lean in, and-
"Adam!"
Adam pulls back a bit, turning to look and smiles hugely when he sees Allison. "Alli! Hey, baby, how are you?" Adam goes to hug Allison. Archie lifts his hand in a wave at Adam from behind Allison. "Hey, David. Oh my god, I didn't know you guys would be here. Hey, have you met Kristina? This is Kristina. Kristina, this is Allison, and David, they're totally awesome. Allison, your new piercing is siiiiiick, I love it!"
Kris' eyes are big behind his shades and he wishes he could somehow signal to Allison, but Allison, bless her heart, is on it. "How funny is it that you guys ran into each other," she says to Adam. "Kristina's a friend of mine, but I guess we sort of abandoned her. Sorry, Kristina," she adds, eyes twinkling.
"It's okay," he says, relieved.
"Anyway, we need a break from all the dancing so we're gonna go get drinks-"
"Just, like, water or something, haha," Archie adds and Allison grins.
"Yeah, we'll be good. But anyway, you guys were dancing so, back to it! We'll see you around," she says and tugs Archie with him towards the bar.
Adam looks at Kris curiously. "You didn't mention you knew Allison," he says, taking Kris' hand in a relaxed dance hold.
"Oh, I… just didn't wanna come off as some random namedropper," Kris says quickly. It seems to work, because Adam smiles happily at him and tugs him closer. Kris' hand tightens a little on Adam's shoulder and he fleetingly has time to think the sweater feels nice, soft and comfortable, before Adam's mouth is on his, licking across Kris' non-staining lipstick.
Kris freezes – except his heart, which seems to be going quadruple speed compared to normal. Adam pulls back when Kris does nothing and bites his lower lip, looking as embarrassed as Adam ever did, which wasn't much. "Um. Sorry," he says.
"I, you-" Kris grasps at the first straw he can find, "Aren't you gay?"
"Yeah," Adam says, "I mean. I've been saying, maybe I could try- shit, that's so not the thing to say right now- I mean, yes, but I'm drawn to you or something, and my fucking Ernie's never gonna work out so I'm thinking I should just think outside the box or something."
Kris blinks. All the time he's known Adam he has never ever seen him stammer like this. Wait. "Ernie?" he finally asks, completely unable to get anything else out. Adam, who has had way too much to drink, who was just stammering, actually answers him, sighing.
"This guy I've had a thing for since we were fucking roommates, how cliché is that? It's just never going to happen, and. I shouldn't be telling you this, that's fucked up, and also I am really, really gay. I mean, I really like cock." Adam groans. "I did not just say that. Water for me from now on. Seriously, just forget this ever happened. I'm sorry I kissed you like that. You're really nice and you got that I'm a GlamBert, you don't deserve my issues."
Kris never really got the knock me over with a feather thing before, but even without his ridiculous shoes he figures right at that moment it applies. "I should go home," he says. "Um. If you see Allison, could you tell her I went home?" Kris doesn't really wait around, just turns and leaves. When he gets to the door he thinks it's a shame he's leaving just as he learned how to walk in those damn heels.
When he's gotten into a cab, he can't resist the temptation anymore. He brings his hand up to his mouth, feeling his lips. The waxy feel of the lipstick feels wrong underneath his fingertips, and suddenly he can't wait to get home, get out of the costume, the make-up, everything.
//
It's 2:45 a.m. when Kris is home. Daniel stayed in and is passed out on the couch when Kris gets in. Kris sits down next to him, startling him awake. When he sees Daniel's expression, Kris wishes he had his camera. "It's not even three yet," Kris says tiredly and lifts his feet on the coffee table, toeing off the shoes. "You win, I guess. But you should tell her anyway, I think she likes you back."
With that Kris gets up and walks to his bedroom, pulling off the wig as he goes. Daniel doesn't say anything.
//
When Kris wakes up, he can smell coffee. He rubs his face when he yawns and is ridiculously pleased when he can feel stubble. He decides not to shave.
Daniel is eating breakfast and watching the small TV in the kitchen when Kris walks in and gets himself coffee. They sit quietly for a while, the only sounds coming from the TV and Daniel chewing his cereal.
"Are you doing it today?" Daniel finally asks, looking at Kris hesitantly. "You don't have to. It was just a stupid bet."
Kris is a little surprised. He expected gloating. Maybe even a victory dance. Daniel shrugs, as if he read his mind. "You kinda looked like something happened. And dude, you looked pretty convincing. I bet it was only the time limit that kept you from winning."
Kris shrugs, too. "It's okay. I'll do it."
"If you're sure," Daniel says and goes back to his cereal.
//
Kris showers after he finishes his coffee. Then he checks his phone. He has five new messages, the first four from Allison.
2:21 a.m. what happned where'd u go???!
2:22 a.m. seriusly kris its not funny im worried ok call me back!!!!
2:27 a.m. just saw adam he said u went home. r u ok? call me loser!
3:16 a.m. if u dont call me or txt me the second u c these we r no longer friends ok?!?!?
Kris wrote out a quick text. I'm ok. sorry for worrying you. Tell you about it later. Pressing send he moved onward to the last unread message. From Adam.
2:57 a.m. met a cool girl tonite, dressed like Gaga!!! would've been more fun with u there tho. maybe nxt yr? say hi to Daniel for me, hope u two had fun.
Kris thinks about replying but gets dressed instead. Before he leaves the apartment he grabs one last thing, shoving it into his bag.
//
Kris practically leans against the doorbell, stopping only until he hears stomping, cursing, and a very loud "Alright, alright, FUCK, I'm coming," from inside. Adam opens the door, squinting against the daylight. He's still covered in glitter, his hair is sticking out in all directions and his eyeliner is smudged all the way down his cheek.
Kris' mouth is suddenly very dry. "Hi," he manages.
"Kris," Adam says, stepping aside and opening the door further, an unspoken invite. "It's really fucking early," he says, closing the door behind them.
"It's noon," Kris says. "Adam, I need to, uh."
Adam sits down on his couch, rubbing his temples. "God, I got so drunk last night. Hey, you'll never guess what I went as," he says and yawns. Kris knows this Adam. This Adam is still half asleep.
Kris sighs. "GlamBert," he says, without really thinking about it. Adam pauses and lifts his head very slowly to look at Kris.
Kris realizes what he just said.
"How the-"
Out with it, then, Kris thinks. "Adam, I." The words won't come, so he pulls out his Gaga wig from his bag, thrusting it sort of desperately at Adam. He can see the moment Adam gets it, the way he goes a bit pale and tense. It's like Adam is drawing into himself and that's not good, that's not the point of this.
"Shit. Kris. I was really drunk-"
"No, wait, just, shut up for a second. Look." Kris moves to sit next to Adam and covers his hands with his own. The press-on nails are gone. "Let me explain this."
Adam looks down at their hands and then at Kris. He nods slowly.
Kris exhales. "Daniel triple-dog dared me to dress up as a woman for Halloween, and it turned into a bet." Adam just looks at him, and Kris goes on. "If anyone figured out it was me, I would lose. Allison was the only one who got to know. I. I didn't realize I would run into you, and when I did, I just. It was nice hanging out with you."
Adam nods, still quiet. Kris forges on. "The bet was that if Daniel lost, he would tell Katy how he feels about her. And if I lost… I would tell you." Adam's look sharpens, and Kris thinks he's maybe holding his breath. "I would tell you that I. I've loved you for a while now. I thought you'd moved on, but after last night… I mean, I lost the bet, but I still would've told you-"
And then Kris stops talking, because Adam's kissing him for the second time that day, and this time it's okay, this time it's perfect, because it's Adam and it's him and there's no stupid lipstick ruining anything.
"Thank god," Adam says when they pull back to breathe for a bit, "For a moment there, last night, I was so worried that the people who kept saying it was just a phase were right. But then I thought, vagina, and I was like, ew, no thanks."
Kris laughs, a little breathily, and Adam kisses him again, and he has the most awful morning breath that Kris doesn't even mind because hello, if he's in the bad movie where the guy dresses up as a girl and ends up getting kissed by his gay best friend and running away like a moron after nearly causing a sexuality crisis and almost screwing everything else up too, then this has got to be the beginning of the happy ending.
And it is a very happy ending.