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Collei had worked tirelessly for months, years, to get into the Akademiya. She finally made it in. But.. for what? She didn’t think she was doing it for herself. Was it for Master Tighnari? She wasn’t really sure. Collei was such a slow learner, she didn’t really understand what exactly he saw in her.
She wanted to be a doctor to help others, help alleviate the pain others suffered through, just as she had. Collei knew the work was gonna be tiring, but did it really need to be so.. draining? Staying up late, not having time for anything but work, and essentially depending on caffeine to be alive.
She missed running around the forest, feeling free. So, she decided to go on a walk in the forest in spite of the piles of work she was supposed to be doing.
Standing on a ledge in the forest, she peered off the edge.
There was a plethora of bushery, and other various plants were at the bottom. It would soften the fall. But she was so high up... surely she would die.
Sometimes, in cases like this, when she was in the forest by herself, she wondered what would happen if she just.. jumped. No glider, no using her vision, no nothing, just… falling, and hitting the muddy forest floor. She knew what would likely happen.
What would her.. friends think? Amber would be horrified, heart broken. Tighnari, Kaveh, Cyno, Alhaitham, the traveller… imagine the pain they’d have to deal with...
Her mind wanders. That guy with the hat. He.. he was also one of his experiments. She remembers talking to him about it. The horrible things he had done to them, to the others.
She thinks about everybody who ‘cares’ for her. In Sumeru, in Mondstadt... She feels horrible for wanting to die.
Death.. Hm. When she was younger, in.. that vile place, she wanted nothing more than to die. She wished to be taken out of her misery. Death would’ve been better than what that ‘doctor’ did to her.
It sucked, no matter how long passed, those memories wouldn’t go away. It sucked. Why couldn’t she have had a normal childhood? Why.. she’d wondered this for years. Why did she have to suffer?
…These thoughts are selfish.
She sits, her legs dangling off the cliff. Shes soaked and cold. It’s okay, she doesn’t really mind. Collei liked the rain.
She was so tired of feeling like this, feeling so self pitiful. It was pathetic.
Of course, Collei didn’t really want to die anymore, did she? Did she..? She didn’t know this, either.
She did know she tried to.. die once. It had failed, obviously. It was impulsive, no note, no nothing. Fortunately, or unfortunately, somebody had saved her in the aftermath.
Even if she did want to die, that day wasn’t going to be today.
So, she sat there, in the rain.
She sat there, thinking, relaxing, crying, until a forest watcher with long pointy ears found her.