Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Eddie felt like he was going to vibrate out of his skin. He’d enlisted in the Army in an effort to get the fuck away; from El Paso, his parents, and the house that felt it was going to suffocate him if he stayed any longer. His parents weren’t happy, to say the least, and his sisters were scared of him being so far away, and in danger, but it was something he just knew he had to do. 

Currently, he was on leave after his first deployment, and instead of going home, no doubt to another fight, he went with a few buddies down to a small town in Mexico. He originally agreed because he knows that his abuelo came from Mexico, and they went on a few trips when he was still alive, and Eddie’s always loved being submerged in the culture, especially since the man passed away when Eddie was young, and Eddie’s abuela and tía Pepa moved out to Los Angelos. 

The relief of not having to be on, like they are on base and deployments, mixed in with the giddiness of being alive, and the effect the beer is having on him, along with the excited atmosphere of the bar around them, has Eddie feeling lighter than he has in a very long time, hence the ‘vibrating out of his skin’ problem he’s facing now. 

So, he parts with a slap on Mills’ back, excusing himself to the restroom. Once he takes care of business, he stumbles into someone, automatically putting his hands out to steady them, apologies ready just behind his teeth that get stuck once he locks eyes with the women in front of him. 

She works here, he’s seen her slipping in between patrons, dancing around stumbling bodies with her hands full of beer bottles and empty glasses, a smile just as painted on as her short shorts. He’s noticed that she’s pretty, her curly dark hair pulled up in a high ponytail, bangs sweeping across her forehead. 

It’s something in her eyes though, this close up, that draws him in. There’s a wildness lurking in the depths that matches the feeling buzzing under his skin, and it draws him to her like a moth to flame, his words catching in his throat. She feels like fire, and Eddie is all too eager to be consumed. 

When he fails to say anything, she cocks an amused eyebrow at him, mischief and amusement dancing in her gaze, and he stutters over his previous apologies, that she accepts with little more than a wave of her hand. 

She was on her way out for a smoke break, and asks if he wants to join her, that untamed passion in her eyes sparkling at him like a dare, and Eddie is too swept up to even consider saying no. 

One cigarette turns into another, and the next thing Eddie knows, they’re stumbling through the door of his hotel room, lips fused together as they rip each other’s clothes off as quickly as possible. Their night together is mind-blowing, their sweaty bodies joining together, nails scraping over heated skin, fingers tangling in hair, the sound and scent of sex filling the air until it feels like they’re the only two people in the world. 

Then, the night is over, and Eddie has to head back to base, leaving Shannon behind, still curled up in the bed, sleeping off their activities from the night before. 

What he doesn’t know when he tiptoes out of the hotel room, without leaving so much as a last name or a number for her to contact him, is that she isn’t the only one he’s leaving behind. 

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Her one night with Eddie left her with a surprise that she was in no way prepared for. She was working for tips in a sketchy dive bar. She was supposed to be just passing through, saving up enough cash to move on to the next place, to bigger and better things. 

None of her life plans involved a child. 

But here she is, a 2-year-old boy named Christopher in tow. She left Mexico and moved back to her home state of Texas, but she’s barely making enough money to take care of herself, let alone a toddler, especially one that isn’t hitting all the milestones in the usual time. The food stamps she gets from the government are barely enough to keep them afloat, and trying to find work that lets her bring her toddler in is damn near impossible. 

She loves her son, of course she does, but she also resents him, a little bit, and she can’t take care of him, and he deserves better than what she can give him. She hasn’t spoken to her parents in years, since she left home, and the thought of ringing them up now and asking for help, because she was stupid enough to get pregnant during a one-night stand, is laughable. They’d probably actually laugh at her, considering they told her not to come crawling back if she was serious about leaving. For the millionth time, she wishes she had gotten some kind of contact information for Eddie, wishing she could call him up and have him take care of everything, but he was long gone the next morning, and when she went looking for his receipt, hoping to find at least a last name, she found out he’d paid in cash. She may have learned a lot about him that night, but none of it was useful in trying to track him down. He may not even be in the states anymore, since he was in the military. 

She’s drowning. She can’t pay her bills, can’t take care of herself or her son, can’t afford to give him the help that she can tell he needs, so, she makes a decision. 

She makes a choice, and she prays to God that she can learn to live with it, because it’s what’s best, for both of them. 

Chapter Text

Evan Buckley is lost. 

Not in a literal sense, he’s currently at work in a diner in Texas. He’s just left Peru, and is on his way to LA, but the jeep broke down, and he needs money to fix it, so here he is. Being a waiter isn’t his favorite occupation, but it’s fine for now. He has his trust fund, but he wants to use that as little as possible. It feels transactional, like his parents are apologizing for being shitty parents his whole life by throwing money at the problem, the problem being him. Plus, he’s already been accepted into the fire academy, he just has to make the trip there before it starts. 

No, he’s lost in the metaphorical, ‘what am I doing with my life’ kind of way. He’s hoping that maybe, just maybe, that the LAFD will be the thing that he’s good at, his calling. Prays that firefighting in California will be the thing he’s been searching for all these years out on the road.  Prays that he’ll find a purpose, a family, people who see him, and know him, and love him anyway, because that’s all he really wants. That’s all anyone really wants, he assumes. 

His parents didn’t want him, and Maddie left him, he hasn’t spoken so much as a word to her over a year, and God knows none of his hookups were looking for anything long-term. He was always up front about it being a one-time or casual thing, and they were more than happy with that arrangement, usually rolling out of bed and walking out of the room while he was still coming down from the oxytocin and dopamine high, and trying to ignore the knowledge that he was going to feel just as empty after as he did before. 

There’s something missing in his life, like a puzzle piece he hasn’t quite found yet, but he’s optimistic that he will, someday. 

Evan looks up as the bell over the front door rings, and frowns when he doesn’t see anyone. He looks around for a moment, trying to see if they’ve somehow slipped past his notice, but then his eyes widen as a young boy, probably only 2 or 3 years old, crawls clumsily up onto the one of the stools in front of him, a toothy grin and bright hazel eyes looking back at Evan. 

"H-hey buddy! Where’s your mom? Or dad?” Evan asks, injecting as much cheer as possible into his voice. It’s currently dark outside, after 9pm, according to the clock on the wall, too late for this little guy to be awake, and definitely too late for him to be here by himself. 

“Mommy coming. Said Chris be good until.” The boy tells him nonplussed, and Evan lets out a quiet sigh of relief. He’s seen parents send their kids in to get situated while they take phone calls or have conversations outside, so he’s hoping that’s what this kid’s mother is doing. Although, that’s normally during the daytime, and he doesn’t see anybody standing around outside the windows, but nobody would just leave a toddler in a diner this late at night, right?

“Well Chris, I’m Evan, and it is your lucky night, because we just got in some brand-new paper and crayons. Do you like to color?” He asks the boy seriously, unable to restrain the grin that stretches across his face at the little boy’s excited cheer. 

He laughs and gets a coloring sheet and a pack of crayons out, setting them in front of Chris, feeling his heart melt when he sticks his tongue out of the side of his mouth as he works the packet open. 

Evan wants to help, seeing that his movements are a little clumsy, but for as much as he loves kids, he doesn’t really know all that much about them, so he waits to see if Chris will ask for help before stepping in. 

He doesn’t, eventually getting it open all by himself and dumping the crayons out on the counter in front of him in childish glee, immediately setting about to coloring in the picture with vigor. 

The diner is pretty dead, only a few other customers that have long since finished their meal and are lingering to enjoy the nice night, so Evan spends most of his time with Chris, chatting about his favorite things (dinosaurs and the park), and Evan pulls every fun fact he can out of his brain to entertain the kid, feeling a bit like he’s won a prize with every look of wide-eyed wonder and excited giggle, especially as the clock ticks later and later and there’s still no sign of Chris’ parents. 

After half an hour goes by, Evan leans over the counter. “Hey buddy, did your mommy give you anything before you came in here? Or tell you what she was doing?” He asks. Not that he’s not enjoying hanging out with the boy, but it’s getting late, and Chris keeps yawning, and he can’t imagine a parent using a diner full of strangers as childcare while they run errands. 

He really hopes he’s wrong, but there’s a heavy pit in his stomach that only grows the longer Chris is here. 

Chris jerks his head in a nod, reaching beside him awkwardly to reach a kids backpack that Evan hadn’t noticed when he sat down, and sets it down in between them, 

“Do you mind if I look in here? Maybe your mom left a note or something to say when she’ll be back?” He asks, not wanting to upset the boy. It’s his backpack after all, and Evan is a stranger, he may not want him poking around in his things, and he would respect that. 

Thankfully, Chris doesn’t care, absentmindedly nodding as he continues coloring. 

When Evan unzips the bag, he sees it stuffed full of clothes, and a few toys. There’s a note as well, and Evan takes a step away to read it, unsure of what it says, but already fearing the worst. 

I’m so sorry for doing this. Christopher is an amazing kid, but I never wanted to be a mom, I met his dad one time and I have no way to get ahold of him, but I can’t afford to look after him. I think something is wrong with Christopher, he’s not as developed as other kids his age, and I can barely take care of myself. He deserves better. Please find him a good home, with someone that can love him and take care of him better than I can. 

There’s a few more lines of information, including Christopher’s full name (sans a last name, which was probably on purpose) and his date of birth. 

Evan reads the note a few times, blinks away the burning in his eyes and swallowing down the bile clawing its way up his throat, feeling as his heart actually breaks in his chest for this little boy, this young boy who did absolutely nothing wrong, but is still being left behind. He tries to stifle the pure rage at whoever wrote this letter, whoever is walking away from the kid in front of him. He realizes that he doesn’t know their story, or what they’re going through, knows that some people shouldn’t be parents, but still. To leave your toddler at a diner in the middle of the night? Who does that?

Evan wrangles his face back into a neutral mask, making sure none of the anger or heartbreak is on his face as before he turns back to Chris, whose head keeps lolling forward as he fights sleep. 

“Hey Chris, do you want to take a nap? I’ve got a hoodie you can use as a blanket, and you can curl up in this booth right here. This cold counter probably isn’t very comfy.” Evan says, making a silly face that draws a sleepy giggle from the boy, and then a drowsy nod, holding his hands up, the universal sign that he wants to be picked up, and Evan melts. 

He quickly walks around the counter and lifts Chris in his arms, the boy laying his head on Evan’s shoulder without a single moment’s hesitation, sighing sleepily and settling in. He picks up the bag and the coloring books in his free hand and drops them on the table of the booth. He doesn’t want to let him go, doesn’t want to leave him alone for even a second of he can help it, so he settles Chris more snugly in his arms before quickly walking to the back, where he stored his sweater at the beginning of his shift. 

Once they get back out to the front, he and Chris work together to get the boy dressed in the hoodie, leaving him drowning in the fabric in a way that makes Evan’s heart squeeze, and then laid across the foam booth. He’s out in seconds. 

Then, Evan pulls his cell phone out and calls the police. “Hi, my name is Evan, I’m at the diner on Main, and somebody just abandoned their kid here. They left a note and everything.” 

Chapter Text

The police send an officer out, as well as a social worker from CPS, and Evan tells them everything, trying to be as precise as possible. He shows them the note and the bag Chris’ mom left, the former of which they take as evidence. There’s no camera’s set up outside the diner, the small town mostly quiet when it comes to crime, so the owners never felt the need to. 

They say they’ll try to find her, but they’re not optimistic, so Chris will probably end up in foster care. 

Something in Evan absolutely revolts at that idea, the mental image of the precious boy currently curled up on the booth in Evan’s hoodie lost in the foster care system is abhorrent to Evan. 

It takes time, and a lot of convincing, but he talks the social worker into giving him a chance to take Chris. She informs him that he’ll be placed in emergency foster care for now, but that if he’s serious, they’ll consider it. 

They’re not happy that he’s facing an imminent move out of state, but he agrees to meet with the CPS district in LA for a home check and check-ins. He has to agree to a background check before they’ll even think about letting Chris go with him, to which he readily agrees. 

When it’s time for the CPS worker to take Chris, Evan wakes him up gently, softly explaining to him what’s going on, and that he has to go with the nice lady for now. Chris, still half-asleep after a very long day, throws a huge fit, screaming and crying his little heart out, calling for his mom and asking Evan not to go. 

Evan, who is blinking his own tears away and trying not to absorb the boy into his ribcage for safekeeping, bounces him through it, promising that he’ll do everything in his power to see him again, intentionally glossing over what’s happening with his mom, because fuck, how do you explain that to a 2-year-old?

Eventually, Chris calms down enough that Evan can walk him out to the social workers car, buckling him into the car seat and pressing a quick kiss to the boy's sandy hair. Chris, with his red, tear-stained face and snotty nose, whimpers, but settles into the seat when Evan runs his fingers over his face, cleaning him up to the best of his ability. 

The social worker watches him with an impassive look on her face, but there’s something thoughtful in her eyes that lingers, even as she climbs into the car and drives away. 

↠

The next few days are very hectic for Evan. He was originally going to just crash with Connor and the rest of the guys from Peru, but there’s no way that CPS will okay him taking Chris to what basically amounts to a frat house, so he searches the area around the academy for a 2-bedroom apartment, as well as a daycare for Chris when Buck is training. 

Suddenly, Buck is very thankful for his trust fund, because none of the options are cheap, and there’s no way he could afford to do this without that money, regardless of where it came from. 

Thankfully, he still has about a month and a half before classes start, so he has some time to figure everything out. 

He sends out a few applications for apartments and inquiries about daycares. He gets a call a few days later that his background check came back without any issues. They’re worried about the way he’s been bouncing around the country and South America, so he sends them a copy of his acceptance letter into the LAFD and all the inquiries he’s made about housing and childcare arrangements, trying to prove just how serious he is about making sure Chris is taken care of. 

Their hesitancy wanes as he flies to and from LA, doing tours of apartments, and doing a home check when he’s found one that he likes and has made an offer that’s been accepted. 

Eventually, he’ll buy a house, but he has several months' worth of training, and then he’ll get his house assignment, so he doesn’t want anything permanent yet, not until he knows where he’s going to be assigned. 

Once the apartment clears the check, he starts ordering things for the apartment, asking Connor and the guys to move everything inside, not wanting to deal with the possibility of having boxes on top of boxes stacked up in front of his door. 

They’re all super confused, wondering how he went from planning to crash with them to gaining a kid and having to rent an apartment, but they’re decent guys, so they help him out.

He spends time with Chris on his days off, making supervised trips to the park, and getting food. They go to the museum, where Chris stares, slack jawed at the dinosaur skeleton. He’s fine with the stroller, but he prefers for Buck to carry him, or to walk. 

The social worker informed him a few days after their initial meeting that they’d taken Christopher to the doctor, normal procedure for kids left in the system, and he was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, which then sent Evan on a very thorough internet search as he tried to learn everything possible about the condition. 

The more time Evan spends with Christopher, the more he comes to adore him. He’s so bright, and curious, and the way his eyes light up makes Evan want to melt into a puddle at his feet. 

They’d had to deal with a few outbursts, when Chris was tired, or he didn’t understand where his mom was and why she hadn’t come back yet, and the social worker usually stepped back, like she was testing to see how Evan would handle it, if he could handle it. 

He had muddled his way through the first one, trying to soothe the screaming boy, and only marginally succeeding, sighing in relief when Christopher eventually tired himself out and fell asleep in Evan’s arms. 

After that, he went on another research binge, reading every single site about how to deal with tantrums, and grief in kids that were too young to understand that’s what they were feeling, and who didn’t have the words to express it, because that’s what it was.

Sure, Christopher is a toddler, he’d throw tantrums anyway, that’s what 2-year-olds are known for, but he’s also lost his mother, his home, and everything familiar to him overnight. He’s in a strange home, surrounded by people he doesn’t know, and he doesn’t understand what’s happening, and he can’t express any of that, so instead, he screams and cries and throws his toys. 

The next time, Evan feels more prepared. When Chris starts screaming in the middle of the park, Evan sits down, putting them on the same level. He takes a few breaths to remain calm and follows the instructions. Ask if he wants a hug - to try and release some good hormones - validates the boy's feelings and helps to put a name on them, so Christopher can better express himself and his emotions later. He makes sure that Chris knows that he can’t throw his toys, or smack anyone, but that his feelings are valid, and that Evan is there to help him work through them. 

Sometimes it works, and sometimes Evan has to distract him, telling him new facts or over-exaggerating a story, full of funny faces and big hand motions until Chris is calm and following along. Then, they can have a better talk about what happened. 

Eventually, everything falls into place, and Evan and Christopher make the drive to LA. Through the academy, Evan becomes Buck, and when he’s not training or studying, he spends all his time with Chris. They get settled in their new home, they visit parks and museums, the zoo and the aquarium. Chris’ room is filled with toys and books the boy likes, and they settle on a specialist for Chris’s CP. 

Getting the surgeries Chris needs is a bit of a hassle, since Evan is only technically fostering him at the moment, but they eventually get it figured out. 

He graduates from the academy, and then he picks Chris up from daycare and they celebrate with ice cream, Buck’s heart full to bursting as Chris’ face is covered in the sweet treat, and his eyes cross as he tries to glare at the sticky confection. 

Buck gets stationed at the 118 and meets Bobby and Hen and Chim. He might be a bit of a dick on the first call when he meets Sergeant Athena Grant, but a baby being abandoned by their mother hits a little too close to home. 

He makes sure to apologize for his actions after, including a coffee to sweeten the deal. As a parent herself, Athena understands, but still reminds him that he can’t let it affect him on a call like that again. He blushes and agrees. He knew that; it was just the first time he was faced that situation, and he wasn’t prepared for how it would make him feel, but he got through it, and he’ll do better next time. He promises. 

She leaves a heavy, considering gaze on him, and then pats his cheek and tells him to get out of her office, but her tone is warm, and the hand is soft and affectionate, so he’s pretty sure he’s forgiven. 

He ignores the advances of every person that comes up to him, having left Buck 1.0 behind him in that diner in Texas, much to the confusion of his coworkers, who see a 20-something white boy in what should be his prime. He eventually tells them about Chris, and they make plans for him to hang out with Denny, Hen and Karen’s son, and maybe even Harry, Athena’s boy, who are all about the same age. 

He gets a weird call from the dispatcher he’d spoken to during a call with Athena, Abby, and she seems nice, but he’s too busy to date right now. They do speak on the phone a bit, and she passes along Carla’s number - the home health aide for her mother - when Buck complains about all the paperwork and the hoops he’s had to jump through with foster care. 

His probationary year passes without much fanfare, but, more importantly, he gets to adopt Chris! They stand in front of a judge, just over a year after they arrived in LA, and Chris officially becomes Christopher Edward Buckley, and Buck cries every single time Chris calls him daddy. The 118 throws them a big party afterwards, and Buck feels more settled in his skin than he’s ever been.

Chapter Text

6 months after the adoption goes through, there are a lot of changes in Buck’s life. Bobby and Athena, who have each taken him under their wing, announce their relationship. Maddie comes back, jumping at every sudden noise with a haunted look in her eyes- 

And Eddie Diaz joins the team. 

Buck has always known about his attraction to men, has slept with his fair share during his 1.0 days, but holy. Fucking. Shit.

None of that prepared him for just how much he wants Eddie. It should be illegal for one man to be that fucking lickable . With all that golden skin, and corded muscles, the fluffy hair and competent hands, and those pointy canines that Buck would almost pay money to feel nipping at his throat. 

He spends the first shift trying to avoid the other man, reminding himself at every turn that it’s probably against the rules to sleep with a coworker - he hasn’t checked, and he won’t because if it’s not, then his argument for not doing it becomes more shallow, and he can’t afford for that to happen right now - and it’s definitely against the rules to sleep with said coworker at the station. 

The end of their second shift though, they team up to remove a grenade from a patient's leg, and well, it’s hard to avoid someone you almost got blown up with, so their friendship quickly blooms, and it’s unlike anything Buck has ever known. 

Eddie seems to get him, in a way that nobody ever has. Eddie doesn’t shy away from Buck’s need for near constant touch, or his nonstop talking. Eddie just looks at him, with this softness in his eyes that Buck wants to submerge himself in until it’s all he knows. 

Their bond continues to grow, through earthquakes and odd calls, and Buck’s attraction for him seems to grow with it. Before, he wanted to sleep with him, because Eddie was the hottest person he’d ever seen. Now, Buck gets to see him outside of work too, and gets to know him. He’s privy to his biting sarcasm and his early morning grumpiness, and also the way he cares, so much, about everyone, even when he tries to hide it, and all of that makes Buck want to do something incredibly stupid, like fall in love with him. 

Then, one day, they’re getting ready to leave, and Eddie leans against the locker, dark eyes focused intensely on Buck, an expression that he’s never seen before on his face, one that sends sparks shooting down his spine. 

“Go to dinner with me.” Eddie murmurs, his voice low and decadent , in a way that Buck never knew voices could be. He feels his heart pounding in his chest, his vision tunneling to only the man in front of him, all the ambient noises around them fading to leave only Eddie Diaz. 

This is a very bad decision.

This is everything he’s been wanting for the last few months that he’s known Eddie, but… 

“I have a kid.” Buck blurts out, and then internally cringes. How has he managed to lose any semblance of game in just over a year? It’s embarrassing. Eddie knows about Chris. They haven’t met yet, but it’s not like Buck doesn’t talk about his son every single day. Eddie has been around the firehouse long enough to be fully aware of Christopher, has listened to Buck proudly drone on and on about the boy, and still asked him out. 

“I know, Buck. I, admittedly, don’t have a lot of experience with kids, but I still like them, and I like you. I understand that you and Chris are a package deal.” Eddie assures him, leaning further into Buck’s space, which makes the breath catch in his throat. Being the center of Eddie’s attention has him feeling like a live-wire, sparks shooting under his skin. It’s a lot and he can’t get enough. 

“We, uhm, w-we work together. It’s against the rules.” Buck says in the space between them, barely above a whisper, pointedly looking anywhere other than Eddie’s smoldering eyes or pink lips. 

Eddie shakes his head. “It’s not. I checked. We’d have to fill out some paperwork for HR if it gets serious, which I mean, is the eventual goal, but it’s not against the rules or anything.” He explains, and Buck can feel his resolve crumbling. He looks back at Eddie, his gaze stuck when the other man’s tongue flicks across his bottom lip, and Buck wishes that was his tongue. 

Judging by Eddie’s molten eyes, he caught Buck staring. “Look, if you tell me that you don’t want this, then I’ll drop it. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t feel this too, that you don’t want me as much as I want you, and I’ll let it go, and we can act like this never happened.” He says, and Buck obviously can’t fucking do that, he’s spent months wanting and falling for Eddie, and his silence speaks for him, judging by the quirk of Eddie’s lips and the way he sidles in closer. “Just a chance, Buck. I’m not asking to meet your son as your boyfriend, or for your hand in marriage, or anything yet. Just a chance. One dinner.” He murmurs imploringly, so close that Buck can feel the heat from his body on his own, can smell the body wash he uses, and it’s dizzying. 

Just like he knew would happen, Buck folds like a house of cards. What was he supposed to do, say no when Eddie fucking Diaz asks him out on a date? Not in this lifetime. “Okay. Yeah, yeah, let’s do it.” He agrees, subconsciously swaying into Eddie’s space, who’s smile lights up the entire locker room. 

↠

Their dinner date is wonderful, because of course it is. So is their breakfast date after their following shift and all the other dates they go on after. Buck thought he was enamored with Eddie before, but being able to kiss him, and hold his hand in public, hearing those sweet Spanish nicknames dripping enticingly from that sexy mouth, every single thing about being with him, like this, blows it all out of the water. He never stood a chance at resistance, especially not when Eddie puts his mind to something, and he’s all in on wooing Buck. 

Eddie has already sent him a text that he left early this morning to get Buck the coffee that he liked so much from the shop they went to one morning after their shift, but that he hasn’t had again because it’s out of his way from Buck's apartment, so he's is currently sitting on the couch in the loft, sporting the same stupid grin that he’s been wearing for the last two weeks since he and Eddie started going on dates. 

They have plans to introduce Chris soon, a trip to the zoo later this weekend, and Buck feels like he swallowed the sun. 

The couch shifts next to him, and a large coffee appears in his hand, but he’s surprised by the scowl currently taking residence on Eddie’s face. 

He nudges his shoulder and takes a sip of his coffee. “Everything okay?” He asks gently, hiding the question behind his travel cup. They decided to keep everything quiet at work, for the time being, and Eddie is a private guy anyway, so Buck doesn’t want anyone to overhear their conversation. 

“Fine.” Eddie grits out through his teeth, jaw clenched so hard Buck’s surprised he hasn’t cracked a tooth yet, and he’s automatically on edge. 

“You sure?” He pushes slightly, noting the fist that Eddie’s free hand has been clenched in since he sat down. 

“Yup.” He says with a snap, very clearly not appreciating the pushing. 

“Okay then.” Buck murmurs, focusing back on his caffeinated goodness and trying really hard not to take it personally. 

Eddie, who knows him better than he knows himself at this point, reaches out to tangle his hand in Buck’s shirt. “Just- just not here, okay? I’ll tell you about it later.” He promises, his wide eyes begging Buck to let it go for now. 

He feels the tension drain out of him at the assurance that there will be a discussion later. “Okay.” He agrees with a nod, a small smile overtaking his lips when Eddie sighs in relief, and leans further into Buck’s body, hand still curled in his uniform top, like he’s trying to keep him close as physically possible. 

Eddie is quiet the whole shift, even more so than usual, and Buck can tell - by the furrowed brows and the way he keeps chewing on the inside of his cheek, and the occasional way he sticks his tongue out to the side when he's focusing on a call - that there’s something serious on his mind. 

By the end of the shift, Buck is beyond jittery, equal parts terrified and ready to be done with this upcoming talk. 

They head to Buck's apartment, driving separately so Eddie can leave when Buck has to pick Christopher up from preschool in a few hours. Once inside, Eddie is fidgety, which is not a word Buck would ever use to describe the other man. Buck is usually the one who works out his anxiety with stilted motions, but Eddie is definitely the one pacing right now, spinning his phone around quickly in his hands, eyes a million miles away. 

Buck sits down on the couch, placing two glasses of water on top of coasters on the coffee table, and leans back. “Eds, baby, can you tell me what’s going on?” He asks, fighting the urge to ring his hands together. 

If Eddie was going to break up with him, he wouldn’t have suggested they hang out directly after a shift, right? And, he definitely wouldn’t have been as touchy today as he was, constantly leaning against Buck, ankles hooked together under the dinner table, hand resting on his thigh while they ate, a slow kiss out of sight before they went to bed last night. He wouldn’t have done any of that if he didn’t want to see Buck anymore, would he?

“Okay, uhm. Okay, so… This morn- well, actually it all started way before that.” Eddie stutters, dragging one hand through his hair and lightly tugging on the strands as he tries to gather his thoughts. 

“Eddie, can you come here, please? You’re starting to freak me out a little bit.” Buck says, holding a hand out for the other man to take, which he does in a rush, practically throwing himself down on the couch next to Buck. 

“I’ve been trying to process this all day, and I still don’t know how I feel about it, and I have no idea how you’re going to feel about it, and I’m a little worried you’re going to hate it, or me, and I-” Eddie trails off when Buck leans forward and captures his lips in a soft kiss. 

It’s only when Eddie relaxes and leans into it that Buck pulls away. “Eddie, it would take a lot for me to hate you, and honestly, I don’t even know if it’s really possible, so can you please just spit it out?” He practically begs. 

Eddie takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly between pursed lips, and then looks at Buck head-on, still clutching his hand like a lifeline. “At the coffee shop this morning, I ran into a woman that I had a one-night stand with when I was still in the military. It was really weird to see her, since we hooked up while I was on leave with a few buddies of mine in Mexico, so we got to talking a little bit, just catching up, and sh-she- she told me…” He stumbles over the words, biting down on his bottom lip as it quivers, and Buck feels his own eyes widen when Eddie’s get wet. 

“She told me that she got pregnant.” He admits, staring off into the living room, not looking at Buck. “I had a son, but she couldn’t contact me, and she couldn’t take care of him, so she gave him away. ” He chokes off, covering his mouth with his free hand, and Buck’s heart aches at the pain and devastation on his face. “He was a little boy, and she couldn’t take care of him, and I know that’s not her fault, but I have a son out there, Buck, a kid with my DNA that I didn’t know about until this morning. What am I supposed to do with that?” He asks, looking at Buck as those tears finally slip over his lashes, eyes big and pleading with Buck to give him an answer. 

Buck just gathers him up, pulling him close to his chest. “God, Eddie, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He says instead, not having any idea how to help. He just holds his boyfriend and rocks them in place, letting Eddie sob into his shoulder, expelling the grief and tension that he’s been holding onto all day. 

When he trails off into smaller sniffles, Buck pulls back, holding his face with one hand and gently wiping away the tears. “Okay. So, that’s definitely a lot, and I get why you didn’t want to talk about that at work.” He says, mostly to lighten the mood, pressing a lingering kiss to Eddie’s forehead when he huffs a laugh at the attempt. “What do you want to do with this knowledge?” Buck asks quietly, still holding Eddie close to him, feeling the shrug of his shoulders instead of seeing it. 

“I mean, I don’t know what I would have done back then, if I was ready to be a father, or if I would’ve run scared. I don’t even know if I’m ready to be a dad now, or if the kid even needs me to be a dad? I mean, it was several years ago, he could have been adopted already. Although Shannon said that she thinks he had some physical developmental delays, so maybe not. I don’t… I wish I could just find out what happened to him, you know? If he’s found a good family, or if he’s still in the system. If he needs me, I think I want to be there, you know? I didn’t know about him before, but I do now, and he’s mine, so I should take care of him.” Eddie says quietly, but not without conviction, and Buck just smiles softly, nuzzling into the fluffy brown hair he adores so much. He’s always known that Eddie Diaz is a good man, but getting to see it in real time is a gift. 

“Okay, so let's find out.” Buck says decisively. “I don’t know a lot about the foster care system in Mexico, but I’ll bet we can look into it, find a number to call. I know the American CPS keeps track of where kids are surrendered to, so I would think it would be something similar. Did she tell you where she left him?” Buck asks, confused when Eddie pulls away, looking at him in disbelief. 

“Just- just like that? You find out I fathered a kid and you’re automatically in to help me track him down? What if we never find him? What if we do, but he’s already been adopted, and his parents won’t let me see him? What if I’ve lost the chance to meet my son before I even knew I had one?” Eddie asks, misty-eyed again, and wow, Buck hates it when Eddie is crying. This is the first time he’s seen him so upset and Buck would do anything to fix it. 

He leans forward and cradles Eddie’s face in his palms, projecting calm. “Hey, of course I’m in. You are a wonderful man, Eddie Diaz, and if you want to find your son, there’s no way in hell I’m going to stop you. I’ve got your back, remember? That covers everything, surprise sons included, okay?” When Eddie nods, Buck continues. “As for the rest of it, I’m honestly not sure how it would work. We won’t stop looking until we find him, but if he’s already been adopted, we’ll have to figure that out if we come to it, but how about we take a deep breath and not automatically jump to worst case scenarios, can you do that for me?” Another nod, a deep shuddering breath, and then he tilts forward and rests his head on Buck’s shoulder. 

“I love you, Evan Buckley. I don’t know what the hell I did to deserve you, but there’s no way in hell that I am ever letting you go.” Eddie says into his neck, wrapping his arms around Buck’s waist and pulling them closer together.

Buck is now the one with misty eyes, dropping his arms to Eddie’s shoulders and happily nuzzling into him. “I love you, too, Eddie Diaz.” He promises, leaving quick kisses to whatever skin he can reach, giddy with love and the rumbling of Eddie’s deep laughter vibrating against his chest. 

They trade a few sweet kisses, and then Buck pulls back, rubbing his hands together. “Okay, so tell me exactly what she said about your son, and we’ll go from there.” He instructs, pulling the pad of paper he keeps around the house out and preparing himself to take notes. 

Eddie nods, seeming to compose himself. “Okay. Well, first off, we don’t have to go through the Mexican foster care system, she surrendered him here in the United States, which I hope will be better. Texas, specifically.” Eddie shares, and Buck nods, making the note and gesturing for Eddie to continue. “Shannon said he was older when she left, just over 2-years-old. She wouldn’t tell me where, probably because she’s still well within the statutes to be charged with child abandonment, since I don’t think she surrendered him the right way, just based on how cagey she was being about it all.” Eddie admits angrily, justifiably, in Buck’s opinion. This is all bringing up his complicated feelings about how Chris came into his life, and the anger he felt at that nameless, faceless woman. 

“She said that she left him 2 years ago, so he would be about 4 now. She wouldn’t tell me where she left him, but I remember her mentioning the town she lived in Texas before she travelled to Mexico. I only remember it because it was so close to El Paso, it made me laugh that we lived so close and ended up meeting in Mexico, so far from home.” Eddie shares casually, and Buck freezes. 

Surrendered in Texas, near El Paso. A two-year-old boy with a suspected physical disability, one that was abandoned by his mother, a mother who had no way to contact the father.

It’s getting too familiar. 

What are the chances of that happening, though? What are the actual chances of Eddie’s son being Chris, the boy that Buck fell in love with at a cheap diner on his way out of town? What are the chances that they all ended up in LA? That’s got to be infinitesimal, right? It has to be like, a billion to one odds or something insane like that, right?

“Did-” Buck starts and has to clear his throat when his voice cracks. “Did Shannon tell you his name, or did she have a picture or something?” He asks, his voice suddenly robotic. He knows that Eddie picks up on it, based on the furrow of his brow and the way his eyes narrow as he studies Buck’s face. 

“She was going to send me a picture when she f-” Eddie is cut off by the ding! Of his cell phone. He scrambles to pull it out, and Buck has to take a few deep breaths through his teeth to keep the nausea at bay. 

Eddie scrambles for his phone, his movements frantic as he digs into his pants pocket and swipes it open with shaky hands, eyes filling with tears as he takes in whatever is on the screen, his thumb hovering over it reverently. 

Eddie turns the screen to show Buck the picture… 

And Buck has to scramble to the bathroom and proceeds to throw up his breakfast. 

Eddie runs after him, hand landing on Buck’s back in concern as he tries to soothe, peppering him with questions, concern heavy in his voice. 

After Buck has thrown everything in his stomach up, he waves Eddie off shakily, holding a hand up in a silent plea for help to stand. Eddie grabs him, one hand in his and the other under his bicep as he helps lift Buck off the floor, standing by while Buck rinses the taste of vomit out of his mouth, and then leads them to Buck’s bedroom, at his insistence, and Eddie’s confusion. 

Buck lightly pushes Eddie down to sit on the bed, then digs around in his closet for a minute, until he pulls out what he’s looking for, then hesitantly sits down as well, leaving a few feet of space between their bodies. 

“A few years ago, I was on my way from Peru to Los Angelos. I had originally taken a flight out from Texas, and left my jeep there, so I was going to drive the rest of the way, but then the jeep had some issues, so I took a job at a diner to pay the bills, since I didn’t want to touch the money in my trust fund from my parents if I didn’t absolutely have to.” He explains heavily, running his fingers along the edge of the scrapbook he’d made for Chris. He took tons of pictures of him at different outings, the two of them together, and the 118 family, once he got assigned, wanting to give something to Chris when he explained to him about the adoption, one day, to prove that he was loved, that Buck loved him, even if he wasn’t his, biologically. 

Eddie is obviously confused by the sudden story time, but he doesn’t interrupt, sitting quietly and giving Buck his undivided attention. 

“One night, at about 9pm, the front door opened, but I couldn’t see anyone. I thought I was losing my mind at first, until the most adorable toddler scrambled up onto the chair in front of me. He scared me a little, at first, I jumped out of my skin, just a little bit.” Buck shares with a strained laugh, fondly remembering the first time he laid eyes on Chris, and he sees Eddie smile affectionately too, though that affection is probably pointed more towards Buck than anything else. 

“He was so smart, and so easily amazed. We talked about dinosaurs and the park, his favorite equipment. He told me that it hurt when he moved sometimes, but the other kids weren’t mean to him about it.” Buck squeezes him eyes shut, and tightens his grip on the book, unable to look at Eddie for this next part. “As it got later and later, and he was still all by himself, I asked him if his mom had given him anything before he walked in, and he passed along a backpack I hadn’t noticed yet, that was stuffed with clothes and toys… and a note.” He whispers, finally opening the book. He’d asked for a copy of it when he learned that they were going to let him take Chris with him. He’d wanted the boy to have a piece of his mom, to have it in writing that she loved him, even if she couldn’t take care of him. 

He passes it along to Eddie, and then continues talking as he reads it. “It took a lot to convince CPS to let me take him, but I couldn’t let him go into the system, not if there was even the slightest chance that he could come home with me. I’d only known him for an hour, but I already loved him so much. He didn’t want to be apart from me either, and, even if 2 is too young to really to any child’s opinion into consideration, legally, at least, they still let me see him. They gave me a million hoops to jump through, but I did it, and they finally okayed me to foster him. Then, after a year had passed and they were unable to find his mother or any family, I adopted him.” He finishes, finally meeting Eddie’s tear-stained face, hope and devastation warring on his face. 

“Chri- You adopted Christopher? He’s not yours, biologically?” Eddie asks, his voice a broken murmur. 

Buck feels his tears finally break free and slide down his cheeks. “Legally, he’s mine, and I love him like he is, but no. Biologically, I think he’s yours.” Buck whispers, voice barely audible as he passes over the scrapbook, pictures from those first few days that are nearly identical to the one Shannon had just sent to Eddie. 

Buck brings his legs up to his chest and curls his arms around them, resting his chin on his knee as he watches Eddie flip solemnly through the pages, free hand over his mouth, like he’s trying to lock away his reaction before it can escape. 

He flips through all the pages, fingering the edges lovingly, and then raises his head to look at Buck again. 

Buck braces for his anger, or betrayal. He knows that it’s not his fault Shannon gave Chris up, nor is it his fault that Eddie didn’t know about it, but still, Buck has sole custody of Eddie’s son, his own flesh and blood, and given that it’s already been an emotional day, Buck’s not sure how he’s going to react. 

Instead, Eddie practically launches himself over the bed, bullying Buck’s legs open and pushing him down so Eddie can collapse on his chest, burying his face in Buck’s neck again, his hands curled tightly in his hoodie. 

“You are amazing. God, I knew you had the biggest heart of anyone I’d ever met, but this, this is something else entirely. You just, you spent an hour with him and stepped up. Christopher is so fucking lucky to have you as his dad.” Edde says fiercely, and Buck’s eyes flutter shut. This is definitely better than what he was expecting, once he figured out that his and Eddie’s son were the same kid. 

“You are an amazing dad, and I’m so glad that you were there. You- I don’t have the words.” He continues with a shake of his head, burrowing further into Buck, which Buck takes as an okay to wrap his arms around Eddie’s torso and rest his cheek against Eddie’s head. 

They lay like that for a few long minutes before Buck speaks softly, checking the clock. “Do you want to meet him?”

Eddie jerks up, brows furrowed. “I mean, didn’t we already plan for me to meet him, this weekend? Do you- do you not want that, anymore? I mean, I’d totally understand, this just got way more complicated, and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want me to, or if you needed time, or if-” Eddie stutters in a rush, brown eyes wide with panic, but Buck just tugs him back down with a soft smile, tucking him back under his chin. 

“I still want you to meet him. I still want you. ” Buck emphasizes, knowing he said the right thing when he feels Eddie melt against him. “What I meant was, do you want to meet him now? It’s almost time to pick him up from preschool.” 

Eddie drags his face over Buck’s shirt for a moment, like he’s debating something, and Buck knows better than to push when he gets like this, so he lays still and lets him gather his thoughts. 

“Are you sure?” Eddie asks, sounding impossibly small. “I mean, he’s your son. Just because I helped make him doesn’t mean I automatically think I should have some claim over him. You loved him, you fought for him, you’re raising him. I don’t want you to think I’m demanding anything, because I’m not. All I wanted was for him to be loved and taken care of, and he is, because of you. ” He continues, but Buck, again, cuts him off with a sweet kiss. 

“Baby, he was already going to meet you, and sure, this might change a few things, but I love you both. I’ve always wanted you guys to meet, even before we got together. We can talk about everything else later, deal with it as it comes, but for right now, how about we go get our son?” Buck asks once they’ve pulled apart, and the kiss he gets in response is joyful and excited enough that they have to stop kissing to laugh into each other’s mouths. 

This was definitely a curveball, a circumstance that they hadn’t been expecting, but they already had a solid foundation. They’d get through this, and their family would only be stronger for it. Buck was certain about that, just like he was certain about Chris all those years ago, and just like he’s certain about Eddie now. 

This is exactly what he'd spent so long searching for, and there's no way he's going to walk away from it now.