Work Text:
it's not worth it.
hoseok thought with a bitter smile.
it was never worth it at all.
and he got up to leave, once and for all. leaving everything behind. then he heard a creak and a tiny voice.
"h-hyungie?", the voice croaked, weakly. "w-where are you going? why are your bags packed up?"
hoseok turned back and saw jungkook. their sweet and shy maknae.
jungkook was wearing a plain white t-shirt which was slightly crinkled, indicating that he just woke up. He had loose black shorts underneath and his hair was disheveled. He looked like a baby and honestly, he was one. He was hoseok's baby.
"i....", hoseok trailed off. He couldn't find the courage to say it out loud. He couldn't just say i'm fed up with this trainee and idol shit and so i'm planning to leave behind all of this and go back to my hometown because I don't see anything good happening for us anytime soon. his head hung low. he didn't know how to say it.
he heard soft footsteps come towards him and skinny but warm hands engulf him in a hug.
"are you having trouble in sleeping, hyungie? You can come to my bed, I'll cuddle you and help you sleep. i-i'll play with your hair too! I know that you l-like it but p-please don't leave-",hoseok heard the desperation in jungkook's voice. and he felt even more bad knowing that jungkook got to know what he was planning to do.
he slowly took Jungkook's wrist in his hands and removed them from the hug. jungkook looked up at hoseok with those beautiful, starry doe eyes and parted lips. hoseok leaned down to kiss his soft cheek. it was warm and reddish under the dim light in the doorway.
these casual kisses were common in the bangtan household. shortly after it was confirmed that the current lineup was final, they had all gotten their dorm. living with each other for almost two years now, they had grown more and more comfortable with each other. casual hugs and kisses have become common now. some members weren't so free with the skinship, but the maknae line always were indulging each other and including the other in their cuddle sessions. holding hands and giving out flying kisses when staff were around was something common now. even the staff had gotten used to their shenanigans. they were whipped for each other.
jungkook's cheeks started getting darker. It seemed to happen every time a member hugged him or kissed him, he would always blush so prettily. all they wanted to do was cuddle him up and never let go. everyone was soft for their maknae.
jungkook looked up at hoseok. his starry eyes shined even more because of the tears. he didn't want to think about the possibility that hoseok was gonna leave but the packed bags said otherwise.
"p-please don't leave us..... please don't leave me.", he said weakly. his voice sounded so sad that it almost made hoseok give up and just stay with jungkook and the others and cuddle them. almost. he looked at jungkook and slowly shook his head.
"i.... i can't koo. it-it's too much. i really can't take it anymore. who knows when we'll debut? or even we'll ever debut or not. we are made to have vocal practices, rap practices dance practices and what not. all for what? for debuting? for a distant, out of reach, false dream? my mental health is in question for this now. all of this training and false hope that we will debut is taking a toll on my mental health!"
hoseok's voice rose a bit as he ranted about it. jungkook looked down. although you couldn't see his eyes because of his bangs, but he was crying. the glistening trails of tears slowly going down his cheeks. He tried to be silent as hoseok kept ranting about how this was all not worth it at all, but ended up letting a tiny whimper slip.
hoseok stopped and looked at him. did jungkook just....whimper?
"baby?" hoseok asked, unsure. jungkook didn't cry usually. even if he did, the members hadn't seen him do it for a long time now. so for jungkook to cry now, what was causing it? the way he ranted? or something he said? either way, he immediately hugged jungkook and tucked his face in the crook of his neck. he could feel how his neck and his shirt was growing wet from the tears.
minutes passed by and jungkook showed no signs of stopping.
hoseok put his hand on the back of jungkook's neck.
"koo? why are you crying so much, baby? what happened?"
"yeah, what happened, koo? why are you crying? and what are you doing here at this hour, hobah?" a raspy voice interrupted hoseok.
startled by the voice, hoseok looked up to see yoongi standing in the hallway. yoongi came into the living room wearing shorts and a black, oversized tshirt and fuzzy slippers.
yoongi took jungkook and tried to hug him but jungkook refused to leave hoseok. he was holding on to hoseok's shirt with a great force and refused to let him go. it seemed as if he had stuck himself physically to hoseok. even if he had a thin frame, he was strong.
yoongi looked up at hoseok to question him. hoseok looked down. he felt ashamed but he knew he could not hide it anymore. he knew yoongi wanted an explanation, so he started speaking.
"h-hyung i-i.... i was going to leave tonight. i'm going back to Gwangju. it isn't worth it, hyung. it has been so long since we were given the hopes of debuting but where are we now? still in the same, small dorm. i don't see us being successful." hoseok said.
"hobi-ah, we will debut there's no doubt. you just have to keep patience alright? don't worry, we'll debut and we'll be so successful. we'll break so many records, just you wait."
to be honest, even if yoongi said this, he himself didn't know if they would be successful or not. there were so many kpop groups which debuted with great support but ended up completely disappearing from the eye of the public. yoongi couldn't help but think sometimes, what if that was what happened with them too? will they be successful or will they completely disappear. who knows? he would conclude. what could he do? it all depended on their hard work now. but now hoseok wanted to leave.
"hyung, please. i'm tired of all of you saying that we will debut and will be successful. are you not tired too? please don't give me false hopes. now my mental health is going down. do you even know how stressful it is sometimes? of course you don't! you only focus on practicing and training because you had been fed so many sugared lies!"
"hoseok, now you are being disrespectful. i know it's hard but that doesn't mean that you will be disrespectful to your hyung. i-"
"what's all this commotion?"
yoongi was cut off in between when he heard jin's voice. maybe their arguing had awakened all of them because he could clearly see namjoon, taehyung and jimin now trailing sleepily behind jin.
"hoseokie hyung w-wants t-to l-leave." Jungkook answered for them. he was quietly sobbing into hoseok's chest as yoongi and him argued. if he wasn't crying hard before, he started crying much more harder now. his breathing ragged and so many tears streaming down his pretty face. they had never seen their maknae cry this hard.
jin went over to jungkook and hoseok. he petted jungkook's hair and slowly removed his arms from around hoseok. he took him with him and moved back as yoongi, namjoon and hoseok talked. jin tried his best to comfort jungkook with taehyung and jimin trying as well.
"look, we know it's hard but you can't just quit, hobi-ah. we can't do anything without you." yoongi said while namjoon was nodding along.
"you all will be just fine without me. but i really can't. i want to continue but i don't have the energy to. don't have the mental energy as well. you've seen how i have almost no fans as well. you guys are already so likeable. people like you and you already have so many fans. you all will be just fine even if i quit. so that's why, i quit."
namjoon and yoongi looked sad. they looked over to see seokjin, taehyung and jimin trying their best to comfort the crying maknae.
jungkook looked over at hoseok who gave him a small smile in return. that seemed to calm him down enough to make him realise how sleepy he was from all that crying.
seokjin then hugged jungkook by his shoulder and took him to their one common bedroom which was more of a large hall rather than a bedroom with separate mattresses for the seven of them. having a small dorm was sometimes really difficult.
after the two were gone along with taehyung and jimin, namjoon sighed.
"hobi, why don't you, uh, why don't you take some time before leaving? why don't you stay here some few days more and think over your decision? then if it is still too much, you can very well leave. we won't stop you." hoseok thought about it for sometime and then slowly nodded his head. he had nothing to lose. a few more days would be fine. he took all of his bags and kept it in the bedroom.
he saw seokjin petting jungkook's hair as he slept. jimin and taehyung were asleep hugging each other on the other side. seokjin made a sign to not make much noise and went back to petting jungkook's hair softly.
waking up the next day, jungkook saw hoseok sleeping next to him. he rubbed his eyes because wasn't hoseok supposed to leave? maybe that was just a nightmare his tired brain conjured up. he squealed softly. his hobi hyung was going to stay! but all of the excitement went away when he saw the bags that were still packed and kept near the corner.
jungkook got up and went downstairs. his hyungs were preparing for breakfast. he went over to the table and sat down. taehyung came over to try and make him laugh. he gave him star shaped fruit bits and smiled a bit at that. but then he again went back to sighing.
the days went by quickly. recording sessions, school work, dance practice, all of this kept jungkook busy so when he came downstairs after a small nap, he was surprised to see the bags there in the living room. the same bags that always haunted him and screamed at his face that hoseok was going to leave. with hoseok and his hyungs talking. hushed whispers going around.
noticing jungkook there, the hyungs turned around. seokjin came forward and squeezed his shoulder.
"kookie, did you sleep well? hobi hyung is leaving, baby. go hug him and say goodbye." oh, hobi hyung was leaving. he was finally going to leave and jungkook could do nothing about it. he had been useless in convincing his hyung to stay. he reluctantly went over to hobi. hobi smiled at him, not his usual big sunshine happy smile but one that showed that he was exhausted and even smiling hurt him.
jungkook went over and hugged him. he had always had a sensitive nose. strong scents sometimes made him cough and sneeze. mild, fruity scents were fine. but hobi, he had such a nice scent and one sniff was never ever enough for him.
hugging hobi, he took a long sniff. he nuzzled his head in hobi's chest. hobi's arms were surrounding him and he felt so safe and small and protected. he heard seokjin saying something along the lines of 'quick jungkookie. hobi has to go or else he'll miss the train.' and then jungkook looked up. right into hobi's eyes and he opened his mouth to say goodbye.
however, not a single sound came out and instead, a sob came out. he felt surprised. why did he sob? he just had to say a goodbye and done. it was just one word so why was it so difficult? his brain scolded him but he just sobbed.
all of the members in the room panicked. why was their maknae crying?! they had seen him cry sometimes but this hard? the last they had seen cry him like that was when hobi first was going to leave. hoseok was the most panicked one. this was the second time he had been the reason for jungkook to cry this hard.
jungkook tucked his head in hobi's chest and sobbed. he sobbed so hard he felt his whole body go numb. seokjin had to pull jungkook away from hobi and poor jungkook could do nothing but fist seokjin's shirt and cry and point at hobi who started to take his bags and leave. hoseok felt a lump form in his throat seeing jungkook's state but he had made up his mind. seokjin could do nothing but just pet jungkook's hair and tell him to stop crying. hobi shut the door behind him, and jungkook could only cry. His hobi hyung was gone and maybe he would never even get to meet him now.
it had been two days since hoseok had left them. two days since jungkook had properly smiled or eaten or interacted with them. his life got numb. nothing made him happy. nothing excited him anymore. nothing, not even seokjin who was trying his best to make him laugh or his hyungs making silly faces and trying to cheer him up.
it was noon time. jungkook had just returned from school. they had some practices in the evening. they had enough time to eat and rest and watch a full movie before leaving. jungkook, as usual, refused to have lunch, only eating few bites of the kimchi fried rice seokjin had made. he went upstairs, showered, did a bit of his homework and laid on the small bed that was labeled for him.
he stared up at the ceiling. he felt so numb. it felt like he had no feelings left. as if all his feelings had been drained through his tears. his hobi hyung was gone and so was his hope. jungkook had sometimes considered leaving as well. but then he would think, what would he, an immature teen do? Without his hyungs by his side he was nothing.
he looked over to see that it was almost 3 in the noon now. he kept thinking. his thoughts were mostly about school well at least he tried to keep them as school thoughts. but they kept going back to hoseok.
hoseokie hyung is gone! don't think about him stupid brain!
but his brain was stubborn. it kept reminding him of hoseok. before he knew it, he was crying again. he sobbed into his pillow. his pillow becoming salty.
after he had stopped crying, he heard few shouts. huh? what was that? why were they shouting? but he really couldn't care much. he didn't have the energy in him to get up and look for why they were shouting. he just turned to his side and closed his eyes. he felt drained.
he could hear muffled voices and shouts but he didn't bother. he tried to fall asleep again but he just couldn't.
he then heard the door slowly creak open. jungkook pretended to sleep. he tried to even out his breath but then he heard it. a soft voice. his name being called from the voice he missed so so much.
"jungkookie~"
jungkook got up in shock. he looked around and saw him standing there. hoseok. jung hoseok was standing there, in person. this wasn't an illusion. and jung hoseok was walking towards him. w-what?
before jungkook could think anymore, he was engulfed in a warm hug and he sniffed. he could smell that same mild scent that he loved. the scent that screamed hobi. He tucked his head in hobi's neck and tears started to fall.
"h-hyungie." jungkook didn't mean for it to come out as a whine but what can he do. he felt overwhelmed and confused. but mostly, he felt happy.
"y-you came back."
"i came back for you, jungkookie. after i went back to gwangju, I had expected to feel good, feel free you know? not having to worry about getting up early and going to practices but it just felt empty. my chest felt hollow. i didn't like it. i wanted you guys. i wanted you, kookie. i wanted and needed you and the others. and after much thought, i came back. will you accept me again?"
jungkook gave him a weak punch in the chest and nodded. they giggled, voice sounding teary and eyes dripping crystalline tears. both of them hugged each other. the other members stood by the door and watched them. the sniffles that escaped them was proof enough of how much they missed hoseok. after a while, jimin and taehyung and joined hoseok and jungkook, hugging them tight. the other members joined as well. they were one again.
after they stopped crying, with jungkook just sniffling a bit, hobi cleared his throat.
"now jungkook-ah." hoseok said sternly. jungkook gulped and looked up
"i heard you haven't been eating properly." hoseok said. his deadpan tone and his eyebrows pulling together made him look rather funny than the angry look he was aiming for. jungkook giggled.
"and what's making you giggle, young man?" hoseok asked.
"hyung looks like a cute squirrel!"
"what-"
before hoseok could finish his sentence, jungkook ran upto seokjin and hid behind him, giggling so cutely. everyone missed his smiles and giggles and hopefully, everything will be fine now.
hoseok chased jungkook around the dorm that day, catching him and tickling him, making jungkook laugh so much. the others joined in as well. then hoseok fed jungkook some food because 'you got so thin! you need to eat at least two plates of this delicious plate of fried rice that our chef kim seokjinnie made!' that day had been full of laughter and fond smiles.
jungkook smiled remembering that memory.
"who's making you smile so much jungkookie~" hoseok asked teasingly. they were in their practice room, taking a break after continuous two hours of practice. hoseok was hugging jungkook and giving him soft, feathery kisses along his neck.
jungkook giggled at the ticklish feeling and shook his head as 'no'.
"aw come on jungkookie, hyungie wants to know~" and then, hoseok made a scandalous gasp.
"did you get a secret lover?!"
jungkook looked at hoseok with wide eyes and then shook his head so fast, hoseok thought it might break. hoseok laughed. jungkook giggled. then jungkook hugged hoseok, tucked his head in the crook of hoseok's neck and sniffed, taking in his soft scent.
"thank you for not leaving, hyung. i love you." jungkook mumbled softly.
hoseok smiled fondly at the little one cuddled up against him.
"thank you for making me stay, precious. i love you, too." hoseok heard jungkook's breath even out.
"you deserve the nap, baby. sleep well. i'll be here when you wake up." and hoseok landed a sweet, loving kiss on jungkook's forehead. jungkook smiled in his sleep. yeah, hoseok woudn't leave this for the world.