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Mortals and deities. Gods and humans. They are like sky and earth, so different, so distant from each other. One lives for eternity, other – till their candle runs out. One has powers, while other – determination. And yet…there is always one thing, one simple thing that unites everyone, no matter who you are, no matter what position you have, or even what past you have. Food. But why so, you might ask. It’s just a necessity for mortals, you assume. It is. But have you known that even deities, despite their believes about mortals, also appreciate the mortal cuisine? Even more, they WISH to enjoy it like humans do. But how can a divinity enjoy mortal food if they can create anything they want, or even live without food or water? Easy. They send a food deliverer. But not a simple one…an oni, the food deliverer. And with the growth of technology, such thing became easier to do, or shall we say, more fun. But not even all supernatural entities grew up alongside with technology.
A castle, that was located pretty far from one village, was so occupied and busy. Different noises could be heard from every corner of it. An owner, the overlord, and his minions were preparing a great event. An attack. A massive attack on the village that was supposed to be his, according to his own words. The villagers did not surrender it, which was one of their great mistakes. Or so the overlord thought. Minions were running around in circles, hesitating and panicking. Some were whispering to each other about overlord not using their powers against villagers, but they didn’t pay much attention to it. After all, who wanted to be burnt alive by their boss himself.
Minion 1: Weapons are ready, sir!
Overlord: Excellent. And the magic sigils?
Minion 2: All prepared and checked!
Minion 3: Beasts are ready too!
Overlord: Great job. I’ve been waiting for this moment all these years! These worms will regret for not accepting my generosity while they could. It will change today, and TODAY…I will become one of the greatest-
???: Excuse me, is anybody home?
Tiny footsteps could be heard echoing near the entrance to the main hall of the castle. Everyone turned their gaze to the trespasser.
Overlord: Who the hell is interrupting my GREATEST monologue??! And also, who the hell allowed a stranger to enter MY castle???
Minion 14: Ummm, he is actually-
???: Oh, one of your workers let me in. And I assume you’re the one who ordered food?
Overlord: I didn’t order anything!!! What the hell is this??
???: Oh really? Then who has ordered five hundred chocolate donuts by this address? Also by the letter? You know that it’s pretty old fashioned nowadays. Don’t you have internet?
Overlord: Old fashioned??? You know how much paper costs nowadays??? Also, who out of all of you ordered food??!
None of the minions replied at first. Cold silence covered the whole castle, which was cold enough, but it became as a freezer in seconds. Then, one of them raised their hand, shaking. The horrifying gaze was laid upon the minions. But it didn’t frighten the unwanted guest.
Overlord: YOU DARED TO BREAK ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT RULES OF THE CASTLE??? NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW THE LOCATION OF THIS CASTLE!!! NOT EVEN DEITIES FROM ABOVE!!! NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS IMP TRESPASSER!!!
???: First of all, I’m not trespasser, I’m Oni, YOU have called the Divine food deliver service, so here I am. Not a second late, by the way. Next, if it was one of your workers, they can just take an order and I will leave. But if you’re not going to take an order, you should’ve asked about it way before I would deliver the order, so-
Overlord: YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO GIVE ME ORDERS HERE!!!
???: Woah woah woah, sir, no need to shout at me. I’m doing what I was asked to do. Besides, whatever you do here does not catch my curiosity much. So, are you paying or not?
The dark leader took a deep breath, sighing heavily.
Overlord: You sure have interrupted me, but I will give you one more chance to leave this place alive. Leave now and DON’T YOU DARE to come back here! You haven’t seen this place, you haven’t known about it. We will even accept the “food” that you have brought here. Sounds great to you?
???: Hmmm, your offer is flattering, but…this is not how it works here. See, I came a very long way to find this place, and time is money as mortals tend to say. You either pay or decline and I will have to throw away the food. It would be so sad and unfortunate thing to do, but…can’t go against rules.
The deliverer shrugged his shoulders, while minions’ faces shifted from anxiety to horror and to desire for food. Their stomachs growled in union, which irritated the overlord.
???: My my, seems like you do want these delicious donuts~
Overlord: Shut up, you irritant demon!! Look, this conversation goes nowhere. You have delayed my chance to conquer that village!! I’m giving you one more chance. Leave. NOW!!!
The oni thought for a moment while looking at overlord’s minions. Their eyes were saying everything. Hunger. Desire. None of them even wanted to serve him anymore. He knew such gaze. He has seen it before. But work conditions didn’t allow him to give food for free.
???: How about this? Since it’s not you who ordered food, why not let minions pay for it? It’s them who ordered, right? Besides, there is nothing wrong to have a snack before a battle.
Overlord:….I gave you a chance to leave peacefully and safe! But it seems that you’re looking for a soon date with death!
???: Nah, my boss and I will have a meeting later. So, what is your decision?
All minions began to look with begging eyes at the overlord, but his cold, strict and murderous gaze let them know that they will never receive anything.
Overlord: I would say…ATTACK HIM, MINIONS!!!
With great anger, he exclaimed to his slaves, that in a panic all of them began to attack the deliverer. Some of them tried to resist, but facing overlord’s punishment was even scarier than facing a stranger. As they began their attack, oni could only sigh with slight regret.
???: Using your own people like that again, huh. Well, I didn’t want things to come up like this. I hope boss won’t be mad at me. After all…
And with such words he cracked his fists. Took off his bag. His eyes sparkled. The time slowed down for him as minions grouped up against him.
???: It can be counted as self-defense, right?~
Suddenly, he threw the bag up to the air as it opened, revealing what was inside. Food began to fall one by one, making minions to look up. Their eyes were on fire as they were about to switch focus on food. This was his chance. Instantly, Oni’s speed increased. He charges to the distracted group, beginning to punch every minion one by one, sending them to the world of dreams. Every punch was quick and to the point. Minions were stunned by it, as were not sure what to do. A good half of them were lying on the ground, unconscious, with small packs of donuts lying next to them, almost like oni himself tried to place them. Some minions got together and attacked from sides, trying not to give any space for oni to move. But one quick slide knocked them all down as he delivered another set of punches.
???: One hundred and fifty-nine, one hundred and sixty, one hundred and sixty-one….
Overlord’s eyes got wider and wider. The hall was covered with unconscious bodies and bags of food that he was not asked for. Bodies kept flying and landing heavily. Overlord stepped back slowly, shockingly, shaking like a leaf. The overlord could not follow oni’s movements, could not understand the motive behind it. Finally, the counter was reaching its end, and so is the delivered food.
???: And five hundred! Phew, that was probably the longest fight since my delivery to a pack of werewolves. Although, there were not much of them that time, so… At least no client is dead ~
As the fight was over, some minions began to wake up and notice the bags next to them. The smell of donuts waved their confusion out. However they were still hesitating. Noticing this, oni turned around and locked his gaze on overlord, who was clinching his throne so strong, almost breaking it. Oni began to walk towards him.
???: So, you’re the boss here, right? Well, your employees can’t pay for food right now, so maybe you can do a small favor for them? It will cost 100 mon for each donut, so basically…50 000 mon in total.
Overlord: W-W-What?? What the hell are you talking about??! This currency is not used around anymore!! Besides, I didn’t order it, so I don’t pay it!!
???: Well, first of all, mon is the ONLY currency I can accept in divinity and spiritual world, every supernatural ones should have some. Well, maybe mortal’s currency is an exception. And since you don’t have mons, you can pay with usual gold, same amount.
Overlord: B-But this is not how it works!!! Who the fuck are you??!
???: Me? Hehe~
He smiles at the overlord.
Ranchi: I’m Ranchi, food deliverer Oni~ My pleasure to meet you~ Now if you’re going to refuse the payment by money…
He suddenly unleashes the weapon he always carries with him – scythe. The blade points at its potential prey. Overlord trembles even more, while minions, grabbing their bags with food, quickly rushed out of the castle.
Ranchi: Then I’m afraid I have to take your soul to my boss as a payment~
Overlord: W-Wait, hold on, you can’t just kill me like that!! I-I’m an overlord!! I can easily kill you!! H-H-Hey, where are you going, you morons??!
Ranchi: Oh really? Then why using minions for it? I’m right here~
Oni’s slight mocking switched overlord’s fear to anger as he uses his dark magic to attack Ranchi. Horrified spirits rushed their claws at oni, surrounding him. But Ranchi was not about to stand aside, he swang his scythe, killing the spirits, as he approached to the overlord, almost jumping. Not expecting it, overlord used his powers again to summon knives and threw them at Ranchi. Oni easily deflects them away, even ricocheting one towards overlord’s face. But the opponent cut the knife in half as quickly shifts to the other side. Then, overlord grew sharp claws and moved towards the oni.
Ranchi: Oh oh, guess I have angered him.
Oni tried to dodged the claw attach, but overlord managed to leave his mark on Ranchi’s leg. Which to oni’s surprise, was painful, but not much. But Ranchi didn’t plan to die here easily. His eyes sparkled with fire as he quickly ran towards overlord, who launched a dark light attack on the deliverer. Suddenly, a huge smoke covered the room, blocking any view. Overlord’s ears rose up, trying to catch any sound. But there was no sound. Did I kill him, did I overdid with my powers, the overlord thought to himself. But to his surprise, he could feel the cold blade so close to his throat from behind.
Ranchi: Nice trick~ But you have to do better next time~
Overlord: H-How did you-???
Ranchi: Survived that attack? Got behind you? Well, I got my moves~
He was about to proceed, but suddenly felt an invisible force blocking him from doing it, or rather his hands from finishing his job.. Overlord was confused and scared, while Oni realized what it was all about. Ranchi removed his scythe from overlord’s throat and hid it.
Ranchi: Huh, guess my boss will take this part of a job personally. Well, good for me, I didn’t want to make my scythe dirty anyway. Have a nice chat with my boss~
Overlord: W-Wait, hold on, you can’t just leave me alone like that!!
Ranchi: Sorry, but if my boss is interrupting me, then it’s his business now. My part of a job here is done. See ya~
And with happy whistle and humming, Ranchi went towards the exit, leaving overlord alone with oni’s boss. The room suddenly became even more darker than with a smoke. Only thousands of candles lighted up the space. Cold sweat ran on overlord’s back. Heavy footsteps could be heard approaching him. A figure was tall, wearing the cloak that covers their face and body. As the figure was approaching, overlord was stepping back, even more crawling backwards.
Overlord: No…no, not you! NOOO!!!
And the last horrific scream could be heard from the castle. While waiting for his boss to finish the job, Ranchi was sitting near the castle, enjoying the fresh air. Near him, minions were standing, confused and scared. But not oni.
Minion 22: I-Is he dead?
Minion 56: But what are we going to do now?? We lost our job a-and a place to live!
Ranchi: I wouldn’t call living with someone who doesn’t respect you and is so eager for power and more as a decent job and life. Now you have so many choices and options! And a chance for redemption~
Minion 34: But we did so many terrible things-
Ranchi: Because you were trapped by him. He took away your homes and real jobs, so you have a right to gain it back. And a good start is to redeem yourselves~
Minions looked at each other in hesitation, until one of them screamed and cheered in support of oni’s words. Slowly one by one followed the same step and then everyone gained a determination to move on for a change. They thanked oni boy, as proceed to pay him with all money they had and then left him to be alone with his own thoughts. Or with his boss.
Ranchi: You sure are fast this time, boss~
Boss: His soul had too many sins to cover, so the decision was easy. And you did a good job this time, Ranchi.
Ranchi: Hehe, thanks, boss~ And look how many mons I got! It should be enough for living in spiritual world~
Boss: Indeed. And I’m proud of you. How is your leg?
Ranchi: Nah, it’s nothing, it will be healed in no time. Tho he sure had pretty sharp claws.
Boss: No scars is nothing. Ask that lady yokai to patch you up once you will be back to the office.
Ranchi: Yeah yeah, you got it, boss. However, I didn’t expect that we will accidently save the village tonight.
Boss: Life is full of twists and turns, even I can’t predict well who will die today or next day, hence that’s why my lists change every second. Only candles are my guides.
Ranchi: You mean candles of mortals’ souls?
Boss: Not only, but correct. Now, let’s head back. We need to patch your wound before accepting another order. Can you walk?
Ranchi: Even more, I can run with a speed of sound~ Tho, I hope next order will be with no overlords this time~
With light giggle, Ranchi and his boss made their way back to their office. Oni was not sure about the fate of the minions, but somehow he believed that they found a new, better purpose of their life. Just like he did, dedicating himself to bring joy to mortals and divinity with what everyone loves the most – food.