Work Text:
"Let's try to remember, these days back in december
Our lives were very different
I was lonely when we first met."
Being a high-school Junior was weird. Especially when you feel how everything is changing and you just stand there and watched it all. Without any friends. I just went to school with people I knew from sight. They knew me (let's be honest here, I am pretty noticeable) and it worked. Sure, there was some taunting and laughing, but I just grew so used to it, that it didn't even matter. But on one day, it all changed. I was sitting in our local comic book store and doing the actual job. Okay, let's ignore the fact that my job was reading some old movie magazine. It was begining of the month and I was doing what was in my powers to keep myself warm. Even if it meant having a thick, bulky sweatshirt and blue jean jacket. Then, I heard a door open. It was the boy. He came there every time I had my shift. Probably the most interesting thing was pink barette, clipped in his hair to prevent them to fall into his face.
"Hello?"
I looked up at him and I think I knew him. He's in my History class. And when I looked at him, he blushed.
"Could you show me, where are the Flash comics?"
"Next to the window."
"Could you show me? Please?"
He was there literally every week and still didn't know that. But I stood up, groaning under my breath. He had a bits of snow in his hair. Cute.
I went with him to the shelf and asked, "Do you need to help with anything else?"
And believe me, I tried to sound nice. He blushed softly and shook his head. With a polite smile, I went back to my spot behind the desk. But this time, I pulled out my sketchbook and did a few quick sketches. I got so into that, I didn't notice the boy looking from behind my shoulder at my drawing. I quickly closed my sketchpad and felt my cheeks blushing.
He gave me a frown and whined, "Wait, that was super cool actually!" Which obiviously made me blush even more. The dark streaks of my fringe covered my eyes and I looked at him, whispering softly,"they are really not that good, but thanks." And with a soft smile, he left. Didn't buy anything, he just left. It was definitely the weirdest thing ever. But also really cute. Since that time, he actually started to trying to get me know more. We actually sat next to each other on History and became friends.
"You got the words to change the nation, but you're biting a thumb."
Few weeks had passed and I was at work once again. But this time I wasn't drawing or reading. Actually, I was just looking from the window, how it snowed and started to sing.
First softly, but then I got enough confidence to be louder. After all I was there, all alone. "Baby, we are all a little different, there's no need to be ashamed."
That was true. Me and him was definitely an odd friend combo. I listened him ramble about various things, like tattoos and dogs and music. He got so enthustiastic about that and I listened. Also fact, that I was at least two times bigger than him was quite odd. But we enjoyed each others company and that's what matter.
"I wanna sing, I wanna shout, I want to scream until my lungs give out."
What I didn't know, Frankie stood there and listened to me sing my lungs out. And when I was done, he started clapping. Really hard. I gave him a shy smile and he exclaimed in joy, "Gee, that was amazing! I had no idea that you could sing like that!"
It made me even more smile, that he was so enthustiastic about it. But then I noticed a guitar case on his back. Did that mean- "Do you play the guitar?" Great question, Gerard. But he didn't mind at all. In fact, he nodded furiously and grinned widely. "Could you play something? You heard me sing, so I want to hear you play..." He sat on the counter and started to play soft yet raw melody, that filled up the air in the store. I got so into my thoughts, that I didn't actually noticed him stopped playing. Which felt kinda funny. But when he saw my look at him, without any word he gathered all his things and left. Which left me a bit sad. Did I do something wrong? Maybe I shouldn't be staring like that at him.
"It's the edge of the world in Western civilization
Sun may rise up on the Eastern side, but it's made in Hollywood basement."
There I was. Sitting in my dark basement room, headphones on full and listening to Californication. But also I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Frank. He was the first friend I made in years and I fucked it up. Great job, Gerard. Maybe on the outside I seemed a little bit bitter at first, but then he grew on me. And I did realize, that I like him a bit more than I should. Was that weird? Probably.
"The way you laid your eyes on me
In way that no one ever could."
He made really dumb jokes about almost everything. We didn't know each other for long, he just came regularly to the comic store and were friends just for few weeks. But his presence made it more enjoyable. His little rambles. The way he told stupid jokes and made school a bit more enjoyable.
What I didn't expect on Monday at school was sight of Frank hanging out with some people, that taunted me from quite a long time. And it just had worsened when I walked around them to get my stuff from the locker. The stares. Whispering. Laughter. Frank didn't laugh. He just stood there, looked at me blankly and didn't do anything. But I can't blame him at all. Even I wouldn't want to hang out with myself.
"This happens all the time and I can't help but think I'll die alone."
Nothing that I wasn't used to before. Being the odd one out, someone who never gets invited anywhere or being really friends with anyone. It almost felt like nobody ever needed me.
"Fat and alone, you are on your own
Nobody's calling on your telephone."
Few more days passed. Frank stopped to show up at comic store and I was once again alone in History class. Frank and few his friends even made a song about me. It's called Fat and Alone, both things are true. And I guess it's supposed to hurt, but I am so used to loneliness and being made fun of, that it doesn't even matter now. But almost every time Frank and I met at hallway, he gave me that uneasy expression which almost seemed like he misses me. Or I was just getting my hopes way too high.
"Do you ever feel out of place
Like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you?"
Some days passed, I wasn't sure how much time I spent in my room, just laying there all the time and acting like he had really hurt me. He hadn't. I was just being irrational and fed up with people and social skills, which of course I hadn't.
"Happiness is just damn illusion, filled with sadness and confusion."
When I went to school, I blocked everything out. It seemed like it wasn't really happening. Unreal. And I felt asocial as fuck. I just kept watching people living their lives and somehow hate started to bloom inside me. They all seemed to act their own lives. Not being real. At least to me. On one certain afternoon I was sitting once again in the store, when he appeared. At first he seemed a little bit scared. Uneasy. And when he started approaching me, my heart sunk a bit. "Hey, Gee." Did he-. No. That can't be real. He must have been kidding me. I looked at him from under my fringe and didn't say anything. I didn't have to. His face saddened a bit. And something inside told me, that I was acting like asshole towards him right at the moment. "I know we don't talk much now and things had probably changed a lot between us, but Gerard, shit, I miss you. Your dorky sense of humor, listening to me and watching you drawing-" His voice broke down. I looked at him and Frank was in tears. I never saw him crying. He seemed like a tough guy. But here we are. For a while we were silent. Uneasy. I handed him a tissue, but instead of taking it, he hugged me. Tightly. It really seemed like he's regreting things that they had done.
"I missed your calls for months it seemed, don't realized how mean I can be"
And so I hugged him too. "You know, you are great to hug, Gee." I gently showed him away and he blushed. "Listen, I apologize to you. For all that crap and that song... I quit that band. And stopped being friends with them. They just all seemed to be fake and flakey, hitting girls and doing crap... that's not a life for me." Woah. He just stopped being friends with them to get me back. That's just... I didn't have enough words. A new emotion had flown through me. And out of sudden, I bursted into tears. "Erm, uhm... Frank, I am not usually like this, you just really suriprised and now you must think that I am an ugly cryer, if that, uhm, is even a word." He smiled brightly at me. "Nobody is an ugly cryer, Gee. And you didn't suriprised me at all." "Everything okay?" "Well, now I am not Fat and Alone. Not alone." "You are the best, Gee." He stayed with me at shift that day, until the closing time. And when we stood outside in the dark, he gently nudged my hand and slipped his palm into mine.
When I looked at him, he gave me smile as warm as sun on hot summer day.
"I'll be the one, if you would let me to."
And I let him.