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Nanami, when we first met I was the ripe age of 18 and you were 21. You didn’t know it at the time but I had quite the boy crush on you despite my intimidation. You moved with such an authoritative and serious aura that made you feel unapproachable so at age 19 whilst stressing over a huge printer malfunction I was surprised when you took time to help resolve the problem despite your more than vocal disdain for overtime.
From that day onwards. Everything shifted. I paid even more attention to you that previously, watching the way you’d massage your wrist every time you wore one of your fancy heavy watches. Even making a habit to do it with bare wrists.
The small almost unnoticeable dimple you had in your left cheek during the rare occasion that you smiled and the twinkle in your eye as you attempted to compose yourself at the sight of your favourite pastries I had displayed on your desk. Specifically from the cafe you recommended. You hadn’t known that I asked the owner about you and to my happiness, she had nothing but positive thoughts and anecdotes to share.
At 22 I remember you asking me out. I was surprised. You seemed like to keep your work life…well strictly work. I still had a massively grown crush on you at the time but I truly hadn’t expected it to go anywhere. The butterflies in my stomach as I noticed your faint blush and my quickly shifted shocked expression when you deciphered my lack of response as a rejection. Of course to which I grabbed you by the shirt and pulled you in for a kiss.
I still remember them. They were soft… the lemon and melon lip balm you wore dancing on my lips as I licked it off.
At work we kept things professional yet a quick link during overtime or in the recently vacated break room wouldn’t hurt anyone. My perverted cognitive would sometimes wish “what if.. what if someone caught us” I almost wished they did. It would definitely be ONE way to announce our relationship to the world. Oh how I long to hold your body against mine now.
Just like that, a year passed and I was struck with bad news. You’d quit our office job. You said that you hated it and found a job better suited to your skills. At the time I wanted nothing else but to be selfish and ask you to stay because I know you would have stayed for me but I decided against it. Oh how I wish I could’ve gone back and decided to be selfish for once.
We went on quite a few dates after you quit so you could make it up to me and I noticed you were in a much better mental state that made me heart flutter. It had seemed like you had acquainted yourself with people who really loved you for you… speaking of your job. I never found out what it was. I just know of that co-worker of yours. Gojo satoru? He seemed like a nice guy. I wonder where he is.
It was a week after my 25th birthday when a 27 year old Nanami proposed to me. I was going to say no due to the fact of our relationship being extremely short but when I saw that look in your eyes. It urged me to say yes. As if this was a precaution if anything happened to you. And a precaution it was as the next few months continued as normal. A new found bond between us as the season changed into autumn.
26th October. The last time I saw you.
You were supposed to visit me on Halloween yet I heard nothing of you till the morning after in November. Opening the door to a young pink haired boy and your dead corpse. Oh my…my husband nanami what had happened. I had no time to grieve as your funeral was the next day. It was a quick and unthoughtful one much to my dismay. But I received a part of your ashes……to mourn with.
Gosh……
I think I’ve gone crazy…rambling for an hour to a jar of ashes. But nanami just know. If there’s a heaven up there…don’t pity me….I’m fine….I’m…f-fine. I’m sorry but you just disappeared from my life in a flash. All the memories I wanted to make. the children I wanted to raise with you….. Nanami.
You were gone too soon.