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From the moment I met you I thought you were beautiful. We were surrounded by stars and you made this beautiful nebula. I helped you, holding the scroll you needed. That’s how we met. I didn’t know your name but I didn’t need to to know you were special. When the nebula started to create planets, you covered me with your wing. It was an instinct but I will never forget it. We kept meeting after that, I started to worry more and more about you asking questions, especially with the tensions in Heaven rising every day. I didn’t dare say anything, keeping my head low, feared for you because you didn’t. You tried to calm me down so many times, but I couldn’t stop worrying.
You started asking more and more questions, not only about the stars and the Earth like you used to, but about me. Why angels couldn’t love each other. And I agreed, I couldn’t understand, either, holding your hand, but too afraid to ask those questions myself. For I loved you but I also loved Her and I didn’t want to disappoint her. You said you understood but I know you were secretly hurt. And how couldn’t you be? You started hanging around Lucifel and his friends more and more, for they agreed, things weren’t perfect. Of course they weren’t but I was sure with just enough faith, they would clear up. And then came the day She banished Lucifel from Heaven.
I was told to grab my sword and fight. I didn’t understand why but I was fighting with the angels on the side of Her. I was told that some angels had betrayed us. That they had turned evil and since I was a Principality, I was fighting to protect the good. I fought without wanting to hurt anyone, so I didn’t use my halo like the other angels did. I didn’t really see the faces of those I was fighting, I was too scared.
And then? Our blades met. We both realized it at the same time. And we stopped fighting, you held me in your arms, I cried into your shoulder. How had it come to this? We were in the middle of the fight but no one attacked us. Kissing wasn’t something we knew existed, we were just holding on to each other, trying to find comfort in a more than confusing war. I know some of the angels saw us, they didn’t like it, we didn’t care. Neither of us continued fighting.
The apparently traitorous angels, your side, were defeated by the side I had been fighting for and She spoke the verdict. All the angels fighting for Lucifer would have their names and angelic status taken from them and would now be called demons. They were cast out of Heaven.
All those angels falling… I remember their faces. Afraid, some screaming for help, none of us had wanted this. You were still holding me. Our eyes met. And then you, too, were falling, letting go because you were surprised by it. I tried getting to you, to catch you, to fall with you if needed, I reached out, tears in both our eyes, oh, believe me, I tried … but I was held back by the other angels. The ones who had seen us. Like Gabriel. I screamed your name as you fell down and down, reaching out for you like you did for me. It was the last time I saw you. You looked so scared.
I sat there for days, not moving, numb, trying to remember. They erased most of our memories from before the Fall, they probably did something similar for the demons, as well, except for the fall… I still can’t remember their faces or their angelic names. I couldn’t remember why I was sad… but I knew something was missing. Something about me was different than it was about the others. All of them carried on doing their duties, but I couldn’t. I sat there, crying for something I couldn’t remember but I knew it had been there. On my left. It had been there for a long time and now it was gone. I wanted it back. Finally, She spoke to me. Asked me why I wasn’t doing my job. I said I had lost something but didn’t know what. It still made me sad, though. She asked if there was anything She could do to make me feel better. I kindly asked for help with my memories because She is omniscient. I meant if she could help me remember.
I carried out my duties along the other angels. I did my part in the creation of the Earth. I was very proud to have been chosen to guard the Garden of Eden, no one seemed to really trust me with anything else. Apple tree duty, an important job, taking care of the beginning of the human race. The garden was beautiful, so unlike anything I had ever seen. The trees and the animals were all so new, never seen before, I was fascinated. Which is when you took advantage of my curiosity. You tempted the humans into biting in the apple and gaining knowledge. I gave them my flaming sword so they would be able to protect themselves out there. Then I watched them walk away from atop the wall of the garden, feeling bad about having given away the sword that was entrusted to me. I was surprised to see you, the snake, slither up the wall to stand with me.
Even though you were a demon and I had been warned to stay away from you you were kind, talking to me, longer than anyone else had bothered to do. But I knew I couldn’t trust you or agree with you because I was told you were evil and I was good. And yet I listened to you and talked to you, trying to see the fault in your words. And I covered you with my wing when the first rain hit the surface of the Earth.
I know there are things I don’t remember. I knew from the moment I saw you. We kept meeting through the ages during our stay on Earth and we became something like friends. We started to trust. And one day I realized I had fallen in love with a demon a long time ago. I know there are things I don’t remember. But I know I don’t need to remember them because I like what we have right now.