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Just seconds ago, Historia was sitting on her lush green farm, and now she was standing in sand that stretched out for miles, and in front of her was a tree-like glowing structure. The branches split and reached far into the sky. Beyond them, Historia could see swirling rivers of blue and green flowing even farther than her eyes could see. It was beautiful and terrifying at the same time.
“Hey,”
A familiar voice stopped Historia in her tracks and she could feel tears welling in her eyes. She was scared to turn around, scared to see that maybe she was just hearing voices of her past. Finally, Historia turned to see a familiar silhouette waving at her–-Ymir. That familiar smirk melted Historia and before she knew it, she was running. She reached out for arms that were welcoming her back. Historia feared that if she were to stop or slow down then, once again, she’d let the most important person in her life leave her. The brunette did not move until Historia crashed her body into hers, causing the two of them to fall back into a tight embrace. Sand puffed around them as it softened the landing of the two and Historia brought the taller girl in tighter as tears fell from her eyes. Historia buried her face in the crook of Ymir’s neck and held Ymir’s head close; feeling the soft locks of the brunette’s hair was a comfort she had long missed. Ymir wrapped her arms around Historia’s waist, pulling her in close.
“Is this a dream?” Historia couldn’t help but ask; she still feared that Ymir would disappear as a figment of her imagination.
“If it is,” Ymir started. “I hope I never wake up.”
The two of them lay in silence, just taking in this time they had together.
“Ymir,” Historia broke the silence. Just saying Ymir’s name was surreal. She had almost forgotten how lovely of a name it was. “There is so much I want to tell you,”
“Me too,” Ymir muttered.
They both had so much to say but wanted to hear what the other had to say. Soon, it became a game of who was willing to talk first. Historia didn’t mind the silence, all she cared about was that Ymir was here with her.
“I’ll start,” Ymir chuckled at the silence.
“You’re probably wondering why I left you,” Ymir said. “I never gave you a good reason, did I?”
“I was hoping you’d write more in your letter,” Historia admitted. “Idiot…”
Ymir wiped the tears falling from Historia’s cheek and the blonde let out a breathy chuckle. Her body remembered Ymir’s hands and she could feel the tension leaving every cell in her body.
“I can’t fully explain why I went back to help those guys… why I left you… What I did know was that Reiner would’ve survived... it was a fight I had to prevent… if you got hurt, I could never forgive myself. So I convinced them to take me back with them instead.”
“Why didn’t you try to run away after?” Historia asked.
“I was tired of always running away. For decades, all I did was run and lie. I was a coward and you made me realize that. Running away just didn’t feel right. I got to live a life that was taken from me before, so I was satisfied. I had stolen freedom from someone else, so I was repaying that debt. My statement still stands. I don’t regret any decision I’ve made… only the fact that I never got to marry you.”
Ymir noticed Historia’s silence. She ran her hands through Historia’s silky locs, accidentally untying the low ponytail she had. Historia couldn’t stop tears from flowing from her eyes and her voice was choked by sobs.
“You made me feel seen… loved even. You were everything I’ve ever wanted but also someone I never thought I’d find. I didn’t believe I deserved to even be your friend, let alone by your side. I just couldn’t leave you alone, the more I saw you, the more I saw a little bit of myself… Yet you were so much more. When I left… there wasn’t a second that passed where I didn’t miss your smile, your laugh, how your hair felt between my fingers, the softness of your cheeks… how I wished to have heard your voice once more.”
“I never stopped thinking of you,” Historia began between hitched breaths. “Even when I became queen, I never stopped thinking of you. Even when I wanted to run away I stayed strong, remembering your words. Even until now, I never stopped trying to get you back.”
“I’m sorry, I was already gone,” Ymir caressed Historia’s head.
“I didn’t believe it, I didn’t want to…”
It was a sad reality Historia did not want to digest. The only reason why Historia and Ymir are able to talk now is because Ymir was gone… Historia knew it… she just didn’t want to believe it.
“I’m sorry,” Ymir said in a low voice, almost a whisper.
“Would you have stayed if I told you to?” Historia asked.
“I… don’t know… I don’t think so,” Ymir admitted.
Despite her outward appearance, Ymir was kind and too selfless for her own good. She would’ve sacrificed herself regardless of whether or not Historia chased after her. Historia knew this, but a part of her wished that there was something she could’ve done more to make Ymir stay. She wanted Ymir to tell her it was her fault that she left. Historia would rather live with the guilt of not trying hard enough than accept that no matter what she did, Ymir’s fate was sealed by her own selflessness.
“We opened an orphanage,” Historia said changing the subject. “It’s small for now, but now that the war is over, I’m planning on expanding it. There are a lot of kids without homes… I know the kids would’ve loved you.”
“I’m not really one for children,” Ymir laughed. “I didn’t take you for one either,”
Historia laughed as she wiped tears from her eyes.
“I have a daughter now,”
“Oh really?” Ymir asked. “Did you adopt?”
“No, I just gave birth to her recently.”
“Who’s the father?” Ymir asked with a tint of jealousy. She had no right to be jealous. As much as she wanted to be there for Historia, she couldn’t. Still, that didn’t stop her curiosity.
“A guy I met when I was younger,” Historia said nonchalantly.
“Oh…”
Silence.
“Do you love him?”
“No, and I don’t think I ever will.”
“I’m sorry,”
“Don’t be, it was my choice. I love my daughter and that’s all that matters,” Historia smiled. “I’m going to give her the life I didn’t have growing up. I’m going to teach her all the things you taught me.”
Her smile showed that despite the circumstances, she was true to her words.
“She’s going to grow up into a little devil if you do that,” Ymir smirked.
“If by ‘little devil’ you mean like you, I’m all for that,” Historia smiled.
“If you’re the one raising her, I have no doubt she’ll grow up to be amazing. Especially if you’re teaching her what I told you,”
The two looked at each other. Historia watched as Ymir's freckles moved with her smile, how she missed staring at them for hours on end. She would count them and trace them with her eyes, a beautiful gift from the sun that warmed Historia's heart. Ymir couldn't take her eyes off of Historia's. They were beautifully blue, like a gentle winter breeze. Ymir loved how expressive they were, Historia was bad at hiding anything because of it. Right now, they were filled with bittersweetness... How she missed them. Suddenly feeling conscious of each other's gaze, they laughed and all the tension between them was lifted in seconds.
“You know…” Historia finally said after seconds of silence. “I would’ve.”
“Would’ve what?” Ymir raises an eyebrow.
“Married you,”
Ymir laughed as she covered her eyes with her arm, tears rolled down her cheek. She couldn’t tell if this was cruel or liberating to finally hear.
“Now you’re telling me? After you’ve rejected me so many times?” Ymir chuckled.
“I don’t ever recall rejecting you,” Historia replied.
“You never said yes,”
“I never said no,”
“Did you want to say yes?”
“Many times…”
“Why didn’t you?”
“We’d be moving a little too fast then wouldn’t we? You never even asked me to date you.”
“Now it’s my fault?” Ymir laughed and Historia laughed in response.
Moments like these made her forget that this was temporary. Soon she’d be back on her farm and back to ruling her kingdom. So much responsibility there, but here, she was free of all that. Historia leaned her head against Ymir’s chest. She closed her eyes, feeling the rise and fall of the brunette’s chest–-taking in the sound of her heartbeat so that she would never forget.
“Do you regret it?” Ymir asked.
“It’s my biggest regret,” Historia said. “That you never got to hear my answer. That I never got the courage to tell you my feelings.”
“Do you have the courage now?” Ymir asked.
Historia shook her head. She wanted to tell Ymir how much she loved her, but it felt unfair to tell her now. Even if she were to tell Ymir how safe she felt in her embrace, how her voice brightened Historia’s day, and how she melted under her gentle caresses, it was no use now. It was a regret she would bear alone. Historia looked up at Ymir and she couldn’t help but want to be selfish… She was always selfish, but more so when it came to Ymir. She knew that if she asked, Ymir would give her the world, and Historia would give her the stars in return if she could.
“Will you wait for me?” Historia cupped Ymir’s face and wiped away the tears that had rolled down her face.
“Of course,” Ymir grabbed the back of Historia’s head and pressed their foreheads together. “But don’t come too soon. You have a little one back home.”
“I’ll live out my life until the end. After all, it’s all thanks to you that I’m alive. I’d never throw my life away when it’s something you’ve sacrificed yours for.” Historia replied.
“Will you wait for me, even if it takes decades?”
“For you?” Ymir smiles. “I’ll wait as long as it takes.”
“I wish we had more time,” Historia sighed.
“Me too…” Ymir said softly.
“I don’t want you to leave,”
“I’d stay if I could,” Ymir said. “I’d want to stay for an eternity here with you, but even that doesn’t seem like long enough.”
Silence fell between them again. The two of them made the most of the time they had left. Ymir could disappear at any moment, but they didn’t think about that. The only thing they had in mind was this moment they had together. Finally, Ymir broke the silence:
“Are you happy?”
Historia’s whole life flashed before her eyes. From her trainee days when she fought to die, to becoming queen when she was too young and scared. She remembered the pain of when Ymir left and the pain she felt entering a loveless pregnancy to avoid becoming a part of a seemingly unwinnable war. She snapped out of her thoughts as she felt a comforting warmth on her face. Historia smiled as she felt Ymir’s thumb caress her cheek. She placed her hand over Ymir’s. Closing her eyes, she melted into Ymir’s hand. All that didn’t matter; it was all in the past. All that mattered now was the person she was embracing and the time they had left together.
“I am now,”