Work Text:
Gojo: So, did you kids understand me?
Itadori:Do we have to do this? I- i mean isn't it pretty embarrassing to display such behaviour in public?
Inumaki:Shake.
Maki:And why do we have to help you with these kinds of things? Find someone else to commit these childish acts because I for sure won't embarrass my own nephew in public .
Gojo:There is nothing embarrassing about this if you all just get the main point of it. I have already said how Megumi chan is a very lonely boy. He used to have no friends in his childhood nor did he used to look for them. So he barely understands how friendship works let alone a fucking relationship, that too at such a young age! That's why, I'm just trying to help him out and in order to do so I need your help too.
Panda:In being a creep that is.
Gojo:No! See you are misunderstanding me again! I said i-
Maki: We don't care about what you said, Satoru! Actions speak louder than words. Now are we supposed to believe you are not obsessing over Megumi when you literally brought a 100 slide powerpoint presentation consisting of A to Z formations in case someone asks Megumi out? That too in such great detail!
Gojo:No! Wrong! All of you really need to back out with these accusations.
Kugisaki: And why should we? So you don't want us to act like his lovers in public if someone approaches him and make them go away?
Gojo: I want you all to protect my sweet boy from unwanted people disturbing his privacy. Period.
Maki:PRotEcT mY SwEEt BoY. My ass! And i am his fucking aunt. There is no way im fucking flirting with him.
Inumaki: Okaka.
Panda: Yeah, I am also not on board with this idea.
Gojo:Itadori,think about it! Would you like it if someone tries to flirt with Megumi and make him uncomfortable in front of you?
Itadori:'visibly repulsed by the idea' Of course n- ... I mean if it makes Fushiguro uncomfortable then, there is no way i would like it.
Kugisaki: Why the heck are you agreeing with his stupid claims?
Itadori: I am just answering his question!
Gojo: You guys are way too warped with your sense of pride and morality. There isn't anything immoral in this. We are sorcerers . We are used to saving everyone's life. So think of this as a way to save Megumi's life too.
Kugisaki:You are really comparing us shooing away Fushiguro's admirers to saving someone's life!
Gojo:I am! And not just anyone's. Megumi's itself. Megumi is very sweet,fragile, honest, sexy uhujujjj-
Maki:Satoru!
Sukuna: I agree.
Itadori:Uhhh.
Gojo:-kind,compassionate and so many good things.
Itadori : 'nods'
Everyone else :'rolls their eyes.
Gojo:So,you see, my Megumi chan is very innocent. He doesn't have a single bad bone in his body. The outside world has teeth which devours these kinds of people. So, I am just looking out for him and making sure that nobody is manipulating him or anything.
Kugisaki :What are you gonna give us if we help you in this?
Maki:Speak about yourself cause I ain't going to be a part of this. This is a disgusting breach of Megumi's privacy.
Inumaki:Tsuna mayo!
Panda: Yeah, this is a new low. Even for someone like you, Satoru. We are very disappointed in you.
Maki: 'scoffs'
Gojo:'visibly sulks' Fine. Since you all are so against my ideas , then you can leave the room. And here I thought you guys cared about Megumi.
Itadori: We do! Sen-
Maki: Let it be, Itadori. That's how he acts when something doesn't go the way he wants. Just don't pay any attention to him and walk away quietly.
' She then gets up and leaves the room followed by the rest of her fellow 2nd year classmates.'
Gojo:'looks at his first year students still in the room' So , you guys do want to help me!
Itadori : 'fidgeting with his hands' As I said before, it won't be nice if Fushiguro gets uncomfortable because of someone. So yeah, I would help you, Sensei.
Itadori: And Sukuna gets really irritated if someone approaches Fushiguro. So it would be good if i could make him shut up too.
Gojo:i will deal with that creepy fucker later. What about you Nobara?
Kugisaki: Please. Don't think I fell for any of your words. My answer will depend on the allowance I'm getting for the job.
Itadori :You will charge money for it ?
Kugisaki:So what. You dont think this is embarrassing. Pretending to be in a harem and that too with my best friend. Of course I'll charge money for it.
Itadori:Well that sounds fair.
Kugisaki:Sensei, now what are you going to do? Hurry up. I have practice.
Gojo: I can't pay your money for this. It looks and sounds sketchy. If Megumi ever finds out about it, he is going to demand my head on a silver platter. But I can treat you to your favourite dinners everytime after our group missions! How does that sound?
Kugisaki: 'sighs' Still not worth risking my reputation.
Gojo: And a mandatory shopping trip for Nobara every month!
Kugisaki: Now you are talking business! I'm in!
Gojo: 'smiles at her excitement' Yuuji , do you also want any extra benefits like her?
Itadori:No,Gojo sensei. I am doing it all for Fushiguro after all.'blushes'
Gojo: 'feels a wave of territoriality kicking in' Really! My Megumi is so important to you. I am glad he has found a good friend in you.
Itadori:'laughs nervously' Thank you, Gojo sensei.
Kugisaki: Sensei, remember not to back off your words or I'll be the worst.
Gojo: I will not and you two remember to keep your mouth shut. Megumi must not know anything about this.
Megumi: I must not know anything about what ?
Itadori: Fushuguro!
Kugisaki: You scared me,you asshole!
Megumi: 'pays no mind to them' What were you three talking about, Gojo san?
Gojo: Um-your birthday! Your birthday is right there in the corner! So, I gathered them to plan your birthday.
Megumi: Gojo san, why do you make things so difficult? You know, I'm not fond of birthdays and stuff like that.
Gojo: Nuh-uh . No ifs and buts, Megumi chan. It's your birth anniversary. It only comes once a year,baby.
Megumi: 'whines' Gojo san!
'The two of them keep going on at each other , in their little world without caring about the presence of the two first years in the room'
Kugisaki: Pinch me, Itadori. Wake me up from this nightmare.
Itadori: Yeah yeah. This is real.
Sukuna: I will really kill Gojo Satoru,one day.
Itadori:' groans'Shut up already.