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"You all have problems."
Pepper had once again walked in on the Avengers in what would be compromising positions, were they not actually fighting.
"Hey, Pep. We were just, erm, we were just-"
"I know full well what you were doing. That settles it. You're having therapy. All of you."
"Like you could find a therapist that will willingly talk to us."
"Oh, I will. Sam, you ran sessions in D.C., didn't you?"
"Yes."
"Good, you can help me work out what I need to do. All of you, in the kitchen, eight o'clock, after dinner. No arguments. That's all of you, Natasha."
"Yes Pepper," the Avengers chorused.
"Good."
"Right, everyone grab a chair and join in with the circle. All of you take two needles and a ball of yarn."
"Why?"
"Because you're all going to knit. It's very relaxing. I use it for when Tony's off killing himself."
"I thought you said you were making us all have therapy?" Natasha asked.
"There's no point trying to get you all to talk, it's easier to get you all to do something which will keep you calm. Can anyone already knit?" All the Avengers shook their heads. "So we'll start by learning. To cast on you…"
It was Pepper's fifth knit therapy as it had been dubbed before anyone said anything and, surprisingly, it was Bruce.
"I remember what it's like as the Hulk. It's like I'm trapped, watching him, but I can't control him. There's a bit more control if I willingly turn into him, I can direct him, but I still can't control him. It's a part of me I can't control, but he's dangerous, he could kill people."
"That doesn't make you a bad person, Bruce," Tony said. "And Hulk saved my life, so he can't be all bad."
"I saw my father murder my mother. That's why having that danger scares me so much. It's like when he was drunk and couldn't control himself. He scares me because I don't want to turn into my father."
"You're not the only one with daddy issues," Natasha said. "Between the lot of you, you could fill a book. But you're not like him. At all. Tony's right, you're a good person. When I found you in Calcutta, you weren't hiding, you were helping people, you were being a doctor. That proves you're a good person. You risked your own safety to help people."
Bruce nodded and they all carried on knitting. Pepper smiled. Her plan was working.
"What are you making, Bruce?" Natasha asked.
"Gloves. I was going to send them to Betty, maybe."
"You should," Steve said. "I'm sure she'll be over the moon to hear from you."
Steve went next, a few sessions later.
"Everything's changed. I died in forty five, then I woke up seventy years later, but it only feels like a few months for me. It's just a few months since I lost my best friend, but he's been dead for seventy years. And everyone else is dead too, except Peggy, but she's got Alzheimer's, every time I walk in she thinks it's the first time she's seen me since the plane crash. Sometimes you can hold a conversation, sometimes she thinks she's dreaming, sometimes she's still in the height of the war and she doesn't remember any of it."
"That's why you worked so well at New York," Natasha realised. "It was the only familiar thing. You'd just come from one war and you leapt straight back into another. Everything else you could comprehend, the changes, but war's stayed the same."
"Well, there's less cholera."
"You feel isolated," Bruce realised. "That's it. You just feel alone because there's no way back, there's no way home and everything is gone. You just need a friend."
"Yeah. Like Sam said when we first met, the mattresses are too soft. It's not just from sleeping on the ground, it's softer than anything at home was too."
"What are you knitting, Steve?" Pepper asked him.
"It's a sweater, like my ma used to make. She made me loads because I was so small I got cold really easily and it made me ill."
"It's good for a first attempt."
"I watched some videos Jarvis found for me. And this is the fifth time I've started it."
"Jarvis found you videos?" Tony asked.
"Yeah, I asked him if he knew any helpful things and he found them."
"Cap, you fit in better than you think."
"I can use the tech, it's the people I don't know about."
"Well, none of us are exactly the normally fitting in kind of people, so there's always that."
"What about you Thor?" Steve asked. "Is it just Loki bothering you or is there something else?"
"Loki died." Clint excused himself, then returned a few minutes later. Natasha frowned at him, but Pepper thought it was more a look of concern.
Pepper tried to work out what Thor was knitting, but it just seemed to be a big mess. Not that he minded, so it was clearly following his plan.
"I know he did unforgivable things, but he was still my brother. We played together from children. I don't understand, he never seemed unhappy. Perhaps I was too arrogant to see it, how much he was hurting underneath. Feeling second best."
"If he didn't tell you, how were you supposed to know?" Sam asked.
"Because I am his older brother. Are none of you siblings?" The Avengers shook their heads, with the exception of Clint, but he didn't elaborate. "An older sibling's job is simple. Protect your younger sibling. You must be a parent to them, but also a best friend.
"There is nothing quite like a sibling relationship. You will fight and argue, but in the end, you can't live without them.
"Age is everything. An older sibling is the protector. Yes, you will both protect one another, but it is the older sibling's job to do so. From the moment you set eyes on your younger sibling, the moment you hold them in your arms, you know this. Not just from physical harm, from emotional as well. It is up to you to learn their behaviour so well you can pick up immediately that something is wrong. I thought I knew Loki that well. He was joking around, being the annoying little brother he used to be. But, deep down, he was hurting. I should have known. My job was to protect Loki and I failed. And look at all it has caused. So much death, because I failed Loki."
"You didn't fail him, Thor," Steve said. "He made his choices. He could have come to talk to you, but he chose not to. You didn't fail him."
"It's not your fault," Clint agreed. The others looked at him surprised he had spoken. He'd suffered from Loki the most. "It was Loki. Not you. I don't think you could have stopped him. It was the stuff after he let you go that really messed him up."
"What stuff?"
"He didn't tell me. But he projected himself somewhere else to talk to someone. It's not your fault, Thor."
"That is a great help coming from you, Agent Barton," Thor said. "Your forgiveness is perhaps the most valid and I am sorry for all that Loki did to you."
"Yeah well. You know."
"What are you making, Thor?" Natasha asked. Clint nodded at her gratefully. Pepper supposed he just wasn't ready to open up yet.
"It is a blanket for Jane. I fear I may have become a little confused with where some of the yarn was supposed to go, perhaps it is a little too twisted for a blanket."
"I'll help you fix it," Pepper said, walking over to where he was sitting. If you like, we could make little squares and sew them together."
"That may be easier. I believe it is usually the females in your society that complete this type of work? I have great respect for them. Truly, this harder than training with Sif."
"That's kind of an old fashioned view. Both males and females do this sort of thing now."
"Tis a marvel how a simple piece of yarn can be used to make something so complex."
"It's engineering," Tony said. "Look at it, this is what I do. Making something out useful out of stuff."
"You must have a problem too, Stark," Steve said.
"Yeah, no, Thor's go this week. I'll tell you next time."
"All right."
"I did say I'd speak this time," Tony said, twiddling with the knitting in his hands. "So, here it goes. I have been suffering from anxiety attacks since thingy. Which is not so fun. Every time someone says New- er, that place we were at, it sets it off."
"But how are you coping now?" Sam asked. "We're in New Amsterdam."
"It's more the words I guess. I don't know. I'm not entirely sure I am all right. I'm on edge constantly, I have nightmares about Afghanistan and Avengers stuff"
"We could try calling it New Amsterdam instead. The original name. See if that helps."
"Thanks."
"But what about in films and songs and signs and whatevers?" Clint asked. "Sure, we can avoid saying it, but you can't stop the whole world saying it."
"We'll cross that when we come to it. It's a thing you've got to take one step at a time. These nightmares."
"They're not so much nightmares as memories. I'm not a hero, I'm a mechanic. A mechanic who got kidnapped by terrorists who did some stuff I refuse to talk about in front of Pepper and a mechanic who accidently built a suit that happens to be just as good at attracting trouble as getting rid of it."
"You are a hero," Natasha said. "Are you or are you not Iron Man?"
"I am."
"The same idiot who stopped Obadiah Stane?"
"Well, technically, that was Pepper in the end."
"And Ivan Vanko?"
"Rhodey gave me the idea and it really would have been impossible without him. He self-destructed in the end though."
"Killian and the Mandarin?"
"He wasn't actually the Mandarin. And Pepper dealt with Killian in the end. Plus, again, there was Rhodey."
"Your suits took out most of the other people with Extermis, Tony," Pepper said. "It wouldn't haven't been possible without you. You're on a team of superheroes for a reason. Stop doubting yourself. All this didn't happen because you're not a hero. It happened because you put yourself in these situations because you are a hero. That doesn't make you impervious to hurt and damage, why do you think I worry so much? But it does mean you're a good person." Tony nodded. "It's normal what you've got. It's trauma, it's going to have repercussions."
"We've all got them," Sam said. "I know I have, old Captain America over there has them, you'll be hard pressed finding someone who doesn't."
"Well, you're right about one thing. Cap is defiantly old."
"Look younger than you."
"You were friends with my father."
"Yes. We had fondue several times."
"Why do you say it like that?"
"Like what?"
"Don't you play innocent with me. Are you implying that you and my father… You and… Oh lord."
"It's just bread and cheese."
"Thank God."
"Not what I thought it was the first time he mentioned it."
"Pepper, Captain America is trying to traumatise me further."
"Go back to knitting whatever that mess is," Pepper said.
"Don't you insult this. It's going to have a very practical and essential use."
"What is it?" Bruce asked.
"A sweater for Dummy."
"You are aware he's a robot, he can't actually get cold?"
"Doesn't mean he doesn't need a sweater. I'll have to make You and Butterfingers one as well."
"You are knitting your robots clothes," Pepper said. "Why?"
"Why not?"
"This is why people call you eccentric."
"And I am fully accepting of that. It's like a requirement or something. If you have money you either have to be eccentric or use it to take over the world and I don't want to take over the world, I'd have to do stuff and you'd just end up running it for me, Pep."
"And that is where we conclude today before Tony starts making plans to conquer the world."
"Well, if the two super spies aren't saying anything, you might as well go next, Wilson," Tony said.
"I've been through therapy. After I got back from Afghanistan. And I ran therapy sessions. Never thought of knitting though Pepper. Mind if I pass it on?"
"Not at all."
"So it is just you two left. Unless Pep has something to say."
"Well, aside from clearly being mad because I'm in a relationship with you, I haven't got anything to add, no."
"Not even from the Extermis?"
"Well, of course I get the odd nightmare and things, but I know I don't need to worry about it because I know a rather superb mechanic who can fix it for me."
"It was that easy?"
"No, I talked to Rhodey for a few months and it helped."
"What are you knitting, Sam?" Steve asked.
"A hat."
"Guess it gets cold up in the upper layers of the troposphere," Bruce said.
"Yeah. I've never tried flying that high nor with a hat."
"No, your wings would start freezing," Tony said. "I know how to stop that."
"This is where he offers all of you upgrades," Pepper said. "Because he's bored and wants to build something."
"So who's going first, Widow or Hawk?" Tony asked.
"We're spies, it's our job to keep secrets," Natasha said.
"Hey, we're all friends here."
"And we don't have friends."
"Oh, come on. We've all had our turns. Spill your deepest darkest secrets Natasha."
"I was taken from my parents and raised by the KGB to be an assassin via their Red Room program. I did some bad stuff, Clint got sent to kill me, he decided he'd rather offer me a job, turns out SHIELD was HYDRA all along. There you are. Also, I think my parents are probably dead."
"Huh. And you don't have PTSD?"
"Nightmares sometimes, stuff I regret, but that's the way of the world and I really rather wouldn't talk about it. I've got Clint to talk about it to."
"It's fine, Natasha," Steve said. "What are you knitting?"
"A scarf. Because unlike you lot I don't start with the complicated stuff."
"It's very purple," Sam said.
"It's a good colour," Clint said. "Purple. I like purple. Nice neutral colour but not as boring as white."
"It'll defiantly be needed up here in New Y- Amsterdam," Steve said.
"I suppose. Pepper, where did you learn to knit?"
"My mother taught me."
"I see. Right, your turn next time then, Clint."
"Do I have to?"
"Yes."
"Can I be as brief as Natasha? My life kind of sucks."
"Why?"
"Next time."
Clint didn't speak the next session. Pepper had warned them not to ask him. It would take more time for the archer to open up.
Steve and Sam had been spending more time looking for Bucky. And apparently, he'd been looking for them too. It was still several months after they'd last seen him, but Steve had his best friend back.
And Pepper he asked if he wanted to attend knit therapy sessions. She'd given Bucky some knitting lessons before his first one and he'd taken to it like a brick to water, which is to say, not at all. The yarn kept getting tangled in his arm, so Pepper said he could just listen if he found it easier, but if he did want to knit, it would be harder to knit worse than Thor's first mess (knitting small squares to be sewn together later had been a great help to him.)
"So, Hawkeye, you going now or is Bucky going ahead of you?" Tony asked.
"Going where?" Bucky asked.
"This is Pep's knit therapy, where we knit and talk about our problems."
"Like he has problems when you say the name of the place we're currently in, so we call it New Amsterdam when we're talking to Tony. And Thor has problems with his brother. Bruce had a very bad father and some other bad stuff and Natasha hasn't had anything particularly great happen either and Clint hasn't told us yet."
"Maybe it would be easier to explain if I just talked," Clint said. "Long story short, alcoholic abusive father, parents died in a car crash, lost my hearing in, big brother and I put in an orphanage, ran away to the circus, pretty bad folk at the circus, Barney left for the army, I missed the bus because I was being too stubborn to go with him, ended up on the wrong side of the law, Nick Fury brought me in to SHIELD, became a spy and did good stuff until Loki showed up and turned me into his puppet. Happy now?"
"Man, your life sucked," Sam said.
"Yeah, that's why I didn't want to talk about it."
"We should start a club," Bruce said, morosely. "The 'we had really bad fathers' club."
"Yep."
"You're all right now though, Clint," Natasha said. "You're not with the circus, you're not with the bad guys, Loki isn't coming back and you've got a new family."
"Yep," Sam agreed. "Us. That's all in the past."
"Yeah, I guess. Kind of hard to forget it though."
"It would be. If it makes you feel any better, we all know you're a good guy," Steve said. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want. But we're here for you if you do."
"Thanks."
"So what are you knitting?"
"A scarf, like Nat. Like she said, start with the simple things."
Bucky looked at Steve, who nodded encouragingly.
"My problems are that I fell off a train, lost my arm and was brainwashed by HYDRA."
"Well, brainwashed, you weren't in control of your actions therefore cannot be held accountable," Tony said. "Also, please can I look at your arm so I can build you a better one."
"A new arm?"
"Yeah, one with no links to HYDRA."
"Thanks, but I'm kind of attached to this one."
"All right. Just an offer. I can still upgrade it."
"Tony," Steve said. "You just missed the pun. He was making a pun. You can build an arm if you want. The only reason he said that was for a pun."
"Right."
"Oh puns," Clint said. "I like you Bucky Barnes. I've really got to hand it to you, that was good."
"It wasn't that good. Just a bit of 'armless fun."
"So, that's everyone, Pepper," Natasha said. "Because this lots are about to toss puns at each other and we need a new topic of conversation. So now what?"
"I suppose it's just knitting."
"You never told us what you were making," Clint said.
"Just little bits and bobs for whoever needs them. There are charities and things who you can send little knitted things for for a variety of causes."
"Well, there's our next hobby," Sam said. "Knitting things for everyone in the world."
"I'm up for that," Clint said.
"I'll lend a hand," Bruce said.
"I think we're all in," Steve said. "We just might need some more lessons on how to knit Pepper."
"Best get started then."