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Mitth’raw’nuruodo. A name previously unknown. A name that otherwise would have meant next to nothing completely out of context in the time of the High Republic.
However, upon Spiker's departure to his respective era in time, that latent yet palpable tension remained even after a copious amount of discussion. When forbidden knowledge transcended barriers and held the potential of becoming essential knowledge, allowing the weight and nuance of it all to dissipate and return to life as though nothing had happened seemed to be the best possible course of action, and was mutually agreed upon.
And yet, despite this, Vuott was visibly distraught for days – even a handful of weeks later. It was the sort of internal battle Vuarum could sense the moment it began and only further crescendoed as time went on, primarily due to the fact that his partner was doing her damnedest to conceal it from him. It was a habit he was familiar with, and he knew all too well where it ended up not just for him, but for her.
"Damnedest thing," he mumbled audibly enough through a sly smirk for her to hear as he leaned against the hatchway of their quarters.
She raised a brow in kind, shooting him a quick glance while continuing to focus on her busywork of folding and refolding a stack of blankets.
"What?"
" You ."
At this, she paused her action and rested her hands atop the soft cube she created as she offered him a melancholy smile. Her eyes remained fixated on the fibers touching her skin, a tell that revealed more than she likely intended with her reluctance to look at him.
"What more is there to talk about? We've already settled on a solution. Forgive me if I'm still…perplexed by the whole thing in general."
A modicum of truth, but not the full truth.
Vuarum clicked his tongue.
"Kivu'ot'turi, we don't keep secrets on this ship. I know you think you're a pretty good brigmaster, but I gotta be honest – you fucking suck ass at it."
The allegory had her partially rolling her eyes as he approached, resting his hand atop hers while she attempted to conceal the flush of her face at the sound of her full name on his lips. He knew exactly what he was doing, and so did she.
"I'm not—"
Clearly she'd meant to go somewhere with that, but caught herself in her own lie.
"Uh-huh," Vuarum retorted. "Welp, I'm convinced. Your confidence is all the confirmation I need to know that absolutely nothing is bothering you that I don't already know about."
He finished off his comically heavy sarcasm by grabbing a folded blanket from beneath her palms and shaking it out, giving her a smug side-eye all the while. Vuott sighed and shrugged her shoulders, giving in.
"It's hard to forget what we learned. That's all."
Vuarum was empathetic of course, as they'd already had many a conversation about it. He held either end of his blanket and wrapped it around them both, securing them chest-to-chest in literal and metaphorical comfort. "I know. Are you having second thoughts? You know it's okay if you are, right? We can keep talking about it, or just talking through it, whatever. We're gonna figure this out together, no matter how long it takes."
Vuott immediately buried her face inside his chest, allowing his jaw to rest atop her head. She was quiet for quite some time, gathering her thoughts while Vuarum rubbed the small of her back. He smiled as she encouraged him with a light purr, the action seeming to provide more relief than anticipated. Ever so gradually, she began to open up more fully.
"No matter what, I can't just forget that we ever heard his name. That we know his blood. That… we're his blood."
Vuarum kissed her hair.
"I know. I still think about it, too. But like you said, just because this Thrawn guy shared– or will share, I guess – our DNA in, uh, equal parts doesn't mean he's a product of us directly. Our separate lines could cross after generations. Besides, there's no reason to keep worrying about it. All we need to do is keep living our lives as though we never knew."
He felt her exhale against his chest. "I know."
"Then why are you still letting it affect you so much? It's so far from us."
She swallowed.
"I'm not…I'm not so sure about that anymore." The woman inhaled a shaky breath, held it, then let it out with her words. "What if it's like the other thought you had? What if we were meant to know? I can't…I can't pretend that it won't affect my decisions now, ch'acah ."
Vuarum stilled his movements.
"Decisions about what?"
The silence was palpable. The only new sensation after an awkward amount of time was the feeling of her quiet tears hot against his skin, causing them both to fall into a funk.
"Decisions about what , babe?" He repeated.
She shook her head, a slight tremor coursing throughout her body. Her grip against his skin intensified, not so much as to hurt him, but enough to leave little crescent indents from her fingernails. A different kind of rumble began in her throat, something far from a purr and a little more involuntary. Helpless. Her voice cracked, so small and quiet he almost missed it.
"I'm in that place again..."
Shit .
Vuarum kissed her hair once more, a firmness in his chest as he held her a little tighter.
"Okay. Okay." He turned his head to raise his voice. "Bios? Will you get the lights?"
A sticker-covered BD unit trotted into the hatchway, seemingly elated to be relieved from babysitting duty as they did as requested, then promptly begged to stay. Vuarum was about to instruct them to leave, but Vuott silently reached her hand out to the little droid, welcoming its company. Vuarum shrugged as the unit padded over, blowing a number of stickers out of its modulator along the way. Hel was four, he figured they could be left alone for a few minutes…probably. Kayell could be a backup. After all, this was something even that apathetic droid would classify as an emergency.
"Do you want to be in the nest?" Vuarum asked her quietly.
She gave a light nod, and he immediately forsake his portion of the blanket to wrap her up and carry her to their pillowy sanctuary, so warm and soft and filled with their scent. It was theirs, and it was safe. It was everything "that place" wasn't, and as Vuarum got his partner situated and comfortable, he couldn't help but worry about the fragility of her current state of mind. Here was a woman who not even hours earlier had nearly beaten a man to death over a grilled bacon, egg, and cheese – and now, she was on the verge of falling apart. Luckily, he knew just how to handle it.
"Okay. I'm here," he whispered softly as he nestled in at her side and held her. "I'm right here with you. Do you see me? Can you feel me?"
After a beat, she slowly nodded.
"Good." He gave her a long kiss on her forehead, paying close attention to the way her body began to regulate. Once he was confident she was no longer on the brink of panicking, he continued. "You're safe, baby. We burned this place, remember? We watched it burn."
Vuott shivered again. "I know. But t's back…"
He took her hand in his.
"Why is it back? They're all dead, honey. Every last one of them. It's all gone."
Her breathing began to quicken, and Vuarum held her even closer while he lightly shushed away the involuntarily escalating response she was having. It was just as he'd feared.
" Ch'acah ," he whispered, "I'm here with you. You're not alone. You'll never be alone."
Bios quietly trilled in solidarity, curling up on a pillow above her head. The woman gradually began to calm down, her eyes finally opening as she blinked away a few silent tears.
"I'm scared."
Vuarum kissed her hand, formulating a comforting purr within his chest to help ease her pain. "It's okay, baby. You're okay. I'm scarier than whatever you're afraid of. So is Marchion. So is Hel, for that matter. Hell, they're scarier than all of us combined."
The tiniest smile began to tug on her lip, and for the first time in minutes, she finally faced him. She was gradually returning to reality, albeit slowly, yet her eyes were stricken with the kind of pain and fear he hadn't seen since…well, since they really were at that place. Vuarum rubbed the small of her back again, providing as many points of contact as possible for her to anchor to.
"You know I'll kill every fear you have, ch'acah . I've done it plenty of times before. I'll build us a house with their bones. I'll make you armor with their hides. Fear can't survive here."
At that, she began to smile more fully. Vuott pulled his hand closer and kissed it, the wetness on her cheek touching his skin.
"It's not always that simple, honey."
He raised a quizzical brow. "Why not? Babe, what is it that brought you back to your own personal hell that I can't destroy? That I haven't already destroyed…?"
She tucked her head beneath his jaw again, nestling into his chest. It was as though she wanted to be ever closer than what was physically achievable, to absorb him like an amoeba.
"It's not what you did or didn't destroy…"
Vuarum whispered as calmly as he could, ready to finally receive an answer.
"Then what is it, love?"
Vuott froze within his arms, keeping her face hidden as she exhaled her response through a shaky breath.
"I'm pregnant."
To Vuarum's chagrin, B-IO5 unflinchingly beeped an obscenity. His partner understood droidspeak as well as he did, and it took all the discipline he could muster to keep from hitting the blunt unit with a pillow. Instead, he opted to snap his fingers and point at the door as an indication for them to leave. To his surprise, the woman in his arms chuckled.
"No, it's alright. The feeling is mutual."
B-IO5 belatedly warbled a genuine apology, but Vuott patted their head chassis comfortingly. She returned her attention to Vuarum, who was mentally gathering all the loose ends he'd been fighting to sort out and finally connecting them. There was no longer any doubt in his mind as to why this was happening; simply existing in her current state was bound to be enough for his precious Vuott to spiral back into the agony she'd suffered the first time around. While it was true that he'd killed all the demons he could touch within this plane, there were no weapons that could heal the emotional scars they'd left behind.
He swallowed. "It'll be okay. You're okay."
If he was being perfectly honest with himself, he wasn't sure if he was telling the truth. He knew he had to be careful with this conversation; this was more than a bump in the road. As much as he wanted to ask her a thousand different things – who the father was, how far along, what she wanted to do – saying the wrong thing at the wrong time could be detrimental. Instead, he continued to hold her and wipe her steady stream of tears away. The most important thing was that she was alright, that she was stable. The rest would get figured out later.
"I'm sorry if you weren't ready to tell me."
Vuott managed a tiny shrug.
"I'm glad I did. I usually don't."
Vuarum felt a momentary sweep of relief, only for it to leave as quickly as it came once he fully processed her response.
"I— what?"
The woman bit her lip, somewhat hesitant, then allowed her reservations to dissipate with the catharsis of authenticity.
"I know how that sounds, but I promise it's nothing. I mean, we aren't exactly careful, babe. Like, most of the time. Sometimes, it…sometimes it takes, but each and every time, it always handles itself. I usually don't even know until it…you know, it passes. That's just how it's always been, even before I left. Ever since Copero."
Vuarum blinked. "You— you really—" he sighed, gathering himself before he continued, "You mean this isn't the first time it's happened…?" With me? It was me…I'm the dad…?
"This is the first time I've been worried. It should have passed by now, a while ago." She began to tremble once again, a modicum of that fear returning. "I'm having the same symptoms as before. If it's…if it's viable…"
With that, he finally understood. All of her demons came to light.
"Oh, ch'acah ." He kissed her lightly on the mouth, keeping his lips only inches from hers while he spoke. "I promise you, you have control. It isn't like before, and never will be. Knowing about Thrawn— babe, you never have to do anything you don't want to. Anything . Forget what we heard, baby. This isn't destiny or some shit. You don't have to see this through, don't ever feel like you have to. Fuck the future, we're living right now."
Vuott held back a sob, her eyes searching his for something. "Are you mad…?"
" No ," he rasped, "No, never. I could never be mad about this. These things happen, honey. I love you and I'm here to support you no matter what."
It didn't take long for her to start weeping against his chest, and Vuarum soon felt tears streaming down his own face as he held her as close as physically possible. He felt so much sorrow for her, even a slight pang of guilt at being so careless. He wanted to blame himself regardless of no one in particular being at fault. If he hadn’t gotten lost in the moment and busted inside so often–
"Vuarum," Vuott whispered, "I don't know what to do."
"That's okay," he assured her with a smile. "We don't need to have everything figured out right away. You know what, though…?"
She raised a brow, intrigued. "What?"
"That grilled cheese fiasco from earlier makes a whole lot more sense, now."
His partner retaliated the joke with a light punch to his arm, although she was clearly amused. As she sniffled and wiped her eyes, he was glad to see it was a welcome change of pace.
"Like you didn't stab multiple people over half-eaten bags of chips when you were pregnant."
"Oh, I definitely did. Remember my chocolate pickle burrito phase?"
Vuott chuckled. "That actually…that sounds pretty good."
"You hungry?"
He suspected her answer would be yes, of course , yet he could tell that she wasn't quite ready to detract from the matter at hand. "I…don't know. I don't know. I don't know…"
Vuarum brought his hand up to her face and wiped another tear away, caressing her cheek. "Kivu'ot'turi…it's fine not to know. All that matters in the long run is that whatever decisions you make, they're one-hundred percent yours. Not influenced by the far future, not influenced by peers, not anyone other than you. Whatever choice you make for yourself is the correct choice."
She relaxed into his touch. "You have stakes in this too, honey. It's your baby."
"My only stakes are in biology. It's Shrodinger's baby."
Vuott gave him a sardonic look, managing a quick chuckle. "Okay, you're gonna have to elaborate on that."
"It's your body, babe. The way I see it, what's inside you right now is either a parasite that needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later, or it's a future person you wish to love and bring into the galaxy. At the moment, it's kind of both until you make whatever decision best suits you."
"And what decision do you think that should be?"
"It's not mine to make. Like I said, I'm here to support you no matter what. If you want a procedure and to get back to life as we know it, I certainly won't be offended. If you want to explore the idea of potentially adding another member to the family, then…I'm open to that, too. So long as it's something you want for yourself."
Vuott pondered this for a moment, clearly grateful for his answer. "Can I tell you a secret…?"
"I mean," Vuarum began, "I feel like you already told me a pretty big one, but go for it."
She smirked. "I won't lie, I was still terrified when I found out. After those initial weeks, I mean. But once I did the math and I realized it was you, I…I was so relieved. Maybe even excited for a second. Before all my fears came rushing back, I'll admit I had a moment where I imagined us being parents again. I wondered what our little one would be like. Chaos incarnate, obviously, but…"
"Hel would be so pissed," Vuarum joked with a smile.
"Absolutely livid," she agreed. "They might actually try to kill us for real."
The pair shared some quiet laughter before she resumed. "...but at the same time, I'm hesitant. Part of me is in love with the idea of raising one more with you, but the other…the other is afraid. I don't want to…" she lightly tapped the side of her cranium with her finger, "...I don't want to pass this along. I don't want any complications again. I don't want to die . I truly think my experiences with you are the only things keeping me from having an antinatalist outlook. Sometimes I feel like the kindest thing I can do is end it before it begins."
B-IO5 warbled sadly, sympathetic to their mom's predicament. Her concerns were valid, of course. All but one.
"I think if there's any kind of threat whatsoever to your health and survival, that takes absolute priority," Vuarum stated matter-of-factly. "Second is whether you'd even want to endure something like that again. The only thing I think you're lying to yourself about is your brain, ch'acah . There's nothing wrong with it, and nothing wrong with you. You'd be— and you are— a wonderful mother. Just look at Thaler."
The corner of Vuott's mouth lifted into a melancholy smile. "He didn't even have me for the first ten years of his life. I've only been in it for four, and right now he's—"
Her tears erupted more abruptly than she'd anticipated. Vuarum empathized entirely; those pregnancy hormones were no joke. He enveloped her within his arms more completely, kissing her temple while stroking her back in order to soothe her shuddering form.
"Now he's thriving at the Academy," he assured. "You gave him the love and support he always needed to choose a path he's passionate about. You still do."
B-IO5 hopped up from their pillow and immediately trilled excitedly as they perched atop Vuarum's shoulder and flashed a pale blue transceiver notification in Vuott's direction. The former grinned widely, appreciating the timeliness of it all.
"Speak of the Devil," he said through a light laugh, "Guess who just sent you a message? I do believe that’s your boy. Here comes the boy, hello boy…!"
A half-sob leaked through her joyful laughter, both the news from her son and Vuarum's sing-songy energy helping to revive the warmth in her heart. "Thank you, Bios. I'll read it in a minute."
"You can totally read it now, if you want. Maybe you can reply to him with the news that he's gonna be a big brother again." He winked, clarifying the joke for her just in case. "Only if that's what you want, of course."
She smiled. "I know."
The woman rested the palms of her hands against Vuarum's broad chest and gave him a long, lingering kiss filled with all the love and gratitude she could muster. "Thank you, ch'acah . Thank you for everything."
"I'm always here for you, Kivu'ot'turi."
"I know. I don't know how I got so lucky. I'm still not sure what I want to do, but…for now, I'm more than content to be with you like this until I make a decision."
"Of course, love. Of course. You have all the time in the worlds. Well…maybe not all the time. Might be a good idea to have something figured out before you go into labor."
For a moment he wasn't quite sure that joke would land very well, however, his anxiety quickly dissipated the moment she began kissing him again. Her voice was filled with dark amusement as she pulled away, and it relieved him immensely to know that she was alright enough to be playful.
"You just want me to have milk again, don't you, pervert… ?"
He chuckled, a guilty purr rumbling deep within his chest. "I do miss that…"
B-IO5 gave an over-exaggerated roll of their lens socket and was ready hop off the bed entirely before things got even more gross, when–
BLAM!
An explosion echoed throughout the corridors of the Drekis , and immediately everyone was on their feet and out the hatch in a matter of seconds. It didn't take nearly as long for them to freeze in place in front of the holotable room, soaking in the sight before them.
"You've gotta be shitting me…” Vuarum lamented.
Where the holotable deck had once been, a smoking pile of exploded, charcoal-dusted metal rested in the middle of the floor, with an equally dusty Hel standing right beside it, looking rather pleased with themself. In the center of the destruction was a mess of cut wires, and in Hel's right hand, an incriminating pair of scissors.
Vuarum exasperatedly pinched the bridge of his nose while B-IO5 backed away in fear, not looking to get their own wires clipped after the day's earlier sticker assault. Vuott sighed and stepped forward to meet the child responsible, arms folded, yet her countenance held patience.
"Care to explain yourself, Hel?"
They turned to her, a bright smile on their tiny face. "I made a punishment room for the bad stuffies. The bad stuffies go in the boom chamber. I made the boom chamber by cutting its hairs."
As she looked closer, the smoldering remains of a rabbit stuffed animal with blackened fluff sat tied within the remnants of the collapsed holotable deck.
"Uh-huh," she acknowledged, "and why did this become 'punishment'?"
"Because my scissors were hungry. They needed a sacrifice."
Vuott blinked and turned her head to look across the room at Vuarum, who was an amalgamation of angry, impressed, concerned, and amused. She shrugged and mouthed the words 'I'll fix it' to him before returning her attention to their child.
"That's…very creative. I like the way you were careful enough to cut only the circuit wires perpendicular to the chassis to keep the blast mostly contained within it. Very smart."
Hel fluffed out their chest with pride. "I ‘membered watching you do it like that."
She was no doubt relieved that her example helped to save this child's life, yet she couldn't help but feel a little guilty for being the reason they were left alone. Vuarum soon appeared at his partner's side, finally over the destruction of an essential part of his ship enough to assess the carnage for himself, although there was no denying the latent frustration in his voice.
"Very cool, Hel. Uh, you're still in trouble."
"What?!"
"Daddy's right, Hel. Our holotable is also our navigation component, and without it we're stranded until it gets fixed. It's like what Mari was for Papa's ship."
Hel's lower lip began to tremble, the magnitude of their mistake finally beginning to dawn on them. "I killed our Mari…?"
As their deep red eyes began to swell with tears, Vuott knelt down and opened her arms to her baby, who immediately ran into them and started crying. Vuarum sat down beside the pair and placed a comforting hand on Hel's little shoulder, moving a piece of dirty hair away from their face in the process.
"It's not exactly like Gramma Mari. It can be fixed. But we know never to do it again now, right?" He inquired.
Hel nodded. "I was bored. I'm sorry."
It's okay, baby, "Vuott soothed. "You like using your tools effectively for the purposes for which they're designed. I do, too. But honey, these scissors aren't for cutting wires. Or hair, for that matter."
Hel frowned. "Why not?"
"Because…" she began as she reached for the tool and held it respectfully, "These scissors have a very specific, very important function right here on this ship. You have the right idea, though. These were indeed invented for the explicit purpose of ritual sacrifice."
" Ritual sacrifice …!" Hel breathed with joyous astonishment.
Vuarum raised an amused brow at Vuott, who returned his curiosity with a discreet knowing wink before returning to her clever parenting tactic.
"Yep. The tragedy of it all is that it rarely gets used, and the results of that neglect go unpunished."
Hel immediately stood to attention, absolutely transfixed by whatever their mother was referring to. "What is it, mom? Please tell me what it is!"
"I'll show you, it's right over here."
With Hel's tears forgotten, Vuott took their hand and led them over to the terrarium. Vuarum watched with a smile in his heart as his partner very convincingly instructed their child in the art of pruning and how to spot the "sacrificial disgraces" among the sprouting foliage. Hel was all too eager to retain this information, gleefully punishing the bad sprouts on the various plants while their parents exchanged mutual looks of adoration with one another.
"Very good, Hel," Vuott praised.
"Thanks, mom. My scissors are pleased."
“Are you pleased with yourself, too?”
Hel thought for a moment, switching their attention from the sharp implement in their small hands to the newly sheared plants inside the terrarium. A tiny yet menacing smile contorted their features, plastered with delight. A Marchion smile if ever there was one.
"Yeah. The plants already look better without the weaker leaves on them. And it helps them?"
Their mother grinned. "It does. They'll grow better and stronger, and with proper maintenance, they'll survive even longer. What do you think, Hel? Do you want to be in charge of preventing the terrarium plants from succumbing to congestion?"
They raised an eyebrow. "I'm four, mom. What's congestion?"
Vuott couldn't help but giggle at how prevalent Vuarum's features were in Hel's sardonic expression. She briefly allowed herself to wonder how much the tiny organism growing within her would also resemble him, then quickly pushed the thought away before it became troublesome.
"Congestion is an overabundance of something, or a blockage. Like when your nose gets stuffy when you're sick and it's hard to breathe– that's congestion."
"Oh, okay. So I'll keep the plants from getting sick by sacrificing all the extra weak leaves….?"
"That's correct," she nodded. "Every few days there's new growth, but not all of it is good. Someone with a careful eye for finding faults needs to take charge if they're gonna stay alive. Your dad and I are way too busy to pay attention to them, and it would be a shame if we let these Celwis ferns die."
Hel watched as Vuarum approached them, his attention shifting from the ferns to Vuott while he wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her temple before the pair eagerly looked at their child, sentimental smiles plastered across their faces. They were so grossly enamored with one another that Hel's primary impulse was to gag, and yet, even they had to admit that the bond their parents had made them feel happy and warm inside.
"What's so important about those dumb ferns, anyway?" Hel asked innocently.
"They grew in the place where your dad and I first met," Vuott answered, tenderly grasping the hand he rested on her middle.
"We harvested these from that exact spot the last time we were on Celwis and replanted them here on the ship," Vuarum added. "They were there when it started, and they've been here since we last left the Ascendancy. Around the time you were born, actually."
Although Hel was only four, it was still a wonder to them how something like a plant could witness the entirety of their parents' relationship for as long as they'd been alive. They'd never thought much of the ferns before until now, however, knowing the history behind them truly put into perspective how important the task being offered to them really was. They felt strangely proud to be considered for something so seemingly mundane, yet of boundless worth all the same.
"I'll make sure they never die," Hel promised. "Any dangers to these ferns shall perish by my merciless hands."
Hearing such words from the mouth of a small child was comical and endearing, especially in that cute voice – however, both Vuarum and Vuott only smiled with gratitude and extended their palms to their little one.
"Thank you, exalted punisher," the woman mired as the pair drew Hel in for a family hug.
All were smiling.
At least until Vuarum spoke up.
"Welp, that's enough of that. I've got a holotable to fix, and I think Hel's due for a bath."
Whatever pride had manifested within their face immediately contorted into horror as Hel pulled away in protest and hissed. "You speak evil !"
Before the child could scramble away in a fit of hissing, Vuott rested her palm against their back. "He's right. If I'm going to respond to Thaler tonight, I'll need us to be presentable."
In yet another drastic display of ranged emotion, Hel gasped excitedly. "Thaler? We heard from Thaler?!"
"We did. I haven't watched his message yet, but we can do it together once you're clean."
Just like that, Hel had already begun sprinting to the refresher before their mother had even got the final syllable out. "What are you waiting for, mom? Bath time!"
Both Vuarum and Vuott shook their heads in amused exasperation as they watched their little terror disappear through the hatch and start the pouring water.
The brief moment of reprieve was seized with care as the two Chiss melted into one another's arms and shared a kiss, harnessing the passion of their reinvigorated memories. One kiss became many, and as they fostered the rawness of their journey to experience a life together as partners, they gazed deeply into one another's crimson eyes with adoration.
"You sure you don't want me to work on the holotable instead?" Vuott offered.
"The fumes aren't good for—" he sighed as he caught himself, somewhat reserved. "Until you're sure of what you want, it might be best to play it safe, babe."
She shifted her attention to the ground for a moment. "Hm. If being in this state is going to prevent me from doing my tasks and maintaining the ship, then…"
Vuarum squeezed her hand. "I can work on my own ship, ch'acah . Regardless, I can step up for you the way you did for me. If you want to see this through, I'm here. I'm always here."
Vuott made eye contact again, a smirk gracing the corner of her mouth. "Are you secretly hoping for one outcome over the other?"
"I stand by what I said earlier," he reassured. "I think your health and well-being take priority over anything. I support whatever you decide."
The woman tentatively rested a hand on her abdomen, pondering a new series of factors. "You don't think we already have our hands full with Hel?"
Vuarum chuckled. "Oh, they're definitely a handful. I think if you're worried about what they'd think of a new sibling, though, they wouldn't be resentful for long. I think they'd love having someone look up to them, and likewise someone to look out for."
"A caretaker. Like their father…" Vuott added, seeming more unsure than before. She frowned a moment, then grasped both of Vuarum's hands. "Babe, I don't…I don't want us to get attached and tell family only for it to fail…for me to fail. I don't know if I can do it – I don't know that I can even keep a baby to term again. I don't know how broken I am…"
Her eyes began to swell with tears, yet Vuarum was already enveloping her in a comforting embrace.
"You aren't broken. Not in any way that matters. That kind of thing doesn't make you whole in the slightest."
She sobbed lightly into the crook of his neck and hooked her hands atop his shoulders.
"I'm already attached," she admitted through a pained whisper.
At that, something tugged at one of his heartstrings and Vuarum began to feel a deep kind of empathy. He lifted his head and brought his hand up to caress her cheek. "So you want it? Forget the complications for a second…overall, hypothetically, you want another?"
She swallowed, peering deep into his very soul with all the rawness in her heart. "With you? Yes. I think I've secretly yearned it for longer than I realized. It's all been a little too good to be true, you know?" Vuott rested her hand along his wrist, genuine with her admission. "Do…do you ?"
He didn't have to think twice. "What's one more?"
The pair smiled, feeling the catharsis in tandem as they met for another long, passionate kiss.
"I can hear you being gross out there!" Hel called from the 'fresher. "If I drown 'cause you were making out, I'm going to haunt your armpits!"
They broke their connection with a chuckle as Vuarum called to his offspring. "Our armpits?"
"Your armpits!"
"Our armpits…?" Vuott echoed with a smile.
"YOUR ARMPITS!"
All three of them were laughing, Hel's giggles especially loud as they cackled away, no doubt convinced they were the most hilarious being to ever exist judging by the splashes echoing from the tub.
"I'll be right there," their mother called.
Vuarum brought her hands in his up between their chests, a new light of determination brightening his countenance as he softly spoke. "Okay, how about this? This stays our little secret for as long as it can. We operate with intent, monitor the scans…and if it doesn't work out, we can always keep trying. We'll make it happen, ch'acah , one way or another."
A single tear trailed down Vuott’s cheek as she nodded in agreement. "Cheo ch'acah vah."
"I love you, too. So much."
The space between them closed once more as the former wrapped her arms around his neck, forever grateful for the love of her life. In that moment, Vuott grounded herself in his embrace and cataloged her symptoms – her heightened smell, her sore breasts, her cravings, her nausea – and attributed them only with something good; something new and wonderful. The ghosts of her past couldn't reach her anymore, and instead there was only room for love.
"I'm not afraid. Not anymore, not with you. Thank you, Vuarum. Thank you for everything."
Perhaps it was her hormones rubbing off on him, but he soon felt the sting of his own tears as well. This had been a journey well worth waiting for.
Even though a little farther down the road, they'd soon discover their hopes were not only coming to fruition and plenty healthy, but double what they'd been anticipating…