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Chapter Text

Obi-Wan stood in the middle of the Council chambers.

“I have called in this urgent meeting due to recent revelations. Anakin..” He gestured to his long time friend. “… has reached out into the Force and found the identity of the Sith Lord we have been searching for.”

“How? The Force has been clouded by the dark side for the longest time known to the Jedi Order.” Mace Windu interrupted. But then he never really trusted young Skywalker. He could sense though that something important was about to happen. A shatterpoint was in sight. Maybe even as important as to change the fate of the galaxy.

“Our mission to identify the long lost signal led us to..”  And so Obi-Wan told them all he knew about Mortis. All that Anakin had shown him. There was an outcry of protest and shock when Darth Sidious true identity was revealed.

Anakin was surprisingly quiet. Windu thought it odd how normally Anakin would boast about his accomplishments. That he in fact was the one who had revealed the truth…

“There is little to no proof to your theory.” Kit Fisto said after the initial uproar had calmed down.

“You have my word as a Jedi Master and Anakin’s testimony. I have seen what he has seen. Isn’t he the Chosen One? One to bring balance to the Force?”

“So the prophecy says.” Windu stated simply.

“Obi-Wan, let it go. They don’t believe me.” Anakin said after a moment.

“Maybe you can show us, Young Skywalker. Even though I have to admit we should take your word for what it is worth.” Plo-Koon said.

Obi-Wan gave Anakin a side glance. Why not? If this was the price to pay to save the galaxy, Anakin would be surely willing to let them see for themselves.

Anakin did hesitate. What if..? But he couldn’t let his visions become a reality. All those terrible things he would do…

Hesitantly he nodded.

With great reluctance he kneeled down in the middle of the seating circle. All the Masters gathered around him, one by one they put their hands on his head or shoulders.

He could do this. Just like the last time with Obi-Wan. Only a single vision will suffice to weaken any doubts…

“My mentor taught me everything about the force even the nature of the dark side.” Palpatine says.

“You know the dark side?“

„Anakin, if one is to understand the great mistery one must study all of its aspects. Not just the dogmatic narrow view of the Jedi…“

Something wasn’t right, Anakin felt it. This vision was more distorted, as if about to rip apart.

„You were my brother Anakin. I loved you!“

No. Not this. They couldn’t see this.

“Use my knowledge. I beg you.” Palpatine continues.

“You’re the Sith Lord!”

Anakin could feel some of the hands on him trembling. He knew they would believe him now. He wanted to open his eyes, make it stop. But one grip on his shoulder tightened, pushing him forward, over the edge. It didn’t feel like falling over, more like a coil springing open. And suddenly everything was too much. As if a dam had burst open all of the horrible visions played before his eyes.

„He is a traitor!“ Windu screams.

„I have the power to save the one you love. You must choose!“ Palpatine wails.

„Don’t listen to him, Anakin!“

No. They can’t see. They can’t know.

„What have I done?“ he begs while falling to his knees.

It was too late. He cannot stop it now.

„Become my apprentice. Learn to use the dark side of the force.“ Darth Sidious stood before him, his face distorted by his own force lighting.

„I will do everything you ask.“

„Good.“

„Just help me save Padmé life. I can’t live without her.“ He begged and bowed to his new Master.

„Henceforth you shall be known as Darth Vader.“

He couldn’t make it end. Everything had become a great blur, the visions mingling together into one great disaster. He saw himself walking up the stairs with the 501st. Slaughtering the younglings. He wished all of it just would stop. And then, there he was, cutting down the Separatist leaders. Some of them crying out for mercy.

„Come away with me. Help me raise our child. Leave everything else behind while we still can.“

Padmé. Seeing her speak those words was even more painful than the realization that the Council was witnessing his greatest secret.

A child. Padmé would be pregnant with his child. He saw himself choke her in his anger. Force, make it stop, he begged. He couldn't see anymore.

„You are my brother, Anakin. I loved you!“

„I hate you!“ Anakin screamed before his Jedi robes catch fire and he screams in agony.

A dark suit, slowly being lifted upright. A man trapped inside, screaming in pain, knowing he had killed his wife. It was him. Darth Vader.

But no agony was a comparison to what he felt now. He screamed out loud, trying to free himself of all those hands and minds.

Suddenly, this nightmare was over. Hands were lifted off in a hasty manner. He didn’t dare to look up, only to see hostile, frightened faces.

„Anakin.“ Obi-Wan muttered in shock.

So he did dare to look up, tears streaming down his face.

„You have to help me, Obi-Wan. We cannot let this happen.. I can’t..“ he heaved between his sobs.

Obi-Wan kneeled down next to him. Anakin didn’t see the other Masters who had stepped away from him. Some in shock. Some in disgust.

„Only pain and suffering we could find in these visions.“ Yoda simply said and walked back to his seat.

Suddenly the sound of an ignited light saber broke the silence.

„Master Ki Adi Mundi! Calm yourself.“ Obi-Wan screamed.

„Didn’t you see? He is a Sith. He will destroy the Jedi Order!“

Before anyone could speak, Ki Adi Mundi was thrown to the adjacent wall, held up by the Force.

„Foolish it would be to make such assumptions. Visions these were. Not memories.“ Yoda said, while he held the other Master up in the air until he had turned off his light saber. With a loud thud he let him fall back to the ground.

„Skywalker. Discuss we will how to handle these revelations. Back to your chamber you will go.“

Anakin looked up from his kneeling position and took all of his strength to tumble back on his feet.

„Master Yoda, I will do everything you’ll ask to prevent…“

„Anakin, go.“ Obi-Wan said with urgency.

Pleading, he took a last helpless look around the room. All those questioning faces, judging him, mistrusting him. And there was nothing he could do now.

It was out of his hands.

„Accompany him.“ Windu said to the two guards on the front door.

Anakin nodded in defeat and turned around to leave.

„Skywalker.“ Windu said and made Anakin stop in his tracks. „Your commlink. Leave it here.“

Unnerved he detached it from his arm and in a swift manner he tossed it across the room, until it slid and stopped in front of Windu’s boots.

„And your lightsaber.“ In an all too familiar way Windu stared into Anakin‘s face to muster his reaction.

„My lightsaber?“ Anakin squared his shoulders, from the corner of his eyes he could see some members of the Council squirm nervously in their seat.

„Yes. Skywalker. Leave it here.“

Anakin looked around the room, mustered the questioning, unsure looks on the faces of the Council members. Until he stopped to look at Obi-Wan. He could feel the nervosity, distrust and disbelief that radiated from the members towards him. Obi-Wan however. He was ambivalent. Anakin couldn’t feel any distrust per se. It was more serene caution but then that was how Obi-Wan usually approached situations he couldn’t manage right away.

„My light saber is my life.“ He recalled loudly to speak what the Council just had asked of him.

„Which is why we will take utter most care of it.“ Windu spoke again, still staring at him with sincere determination.

If it wasn’t for the horrible guilt and embarrassment he had to endure moments ago, Anakin was sure he would have called out the Council on their outrageous demand.

With a deep breath he unclasped his light saber and levitated it all the way towards Obi-Wan until he took it with a gentle hand.

„Thank you, Anakin. It will be safe with me.“ Obi-Wan spoke for what felt the first time.

Defeated Anakin turned around and left the Council chambers, accompanied by two temple guards.

The defeating silence was deceiving, compared to the inner tumult that had flooded the Council chambers. These revelations were unbearable to witness. Too painful to even grasp.

Something that rarely happened in these holy chambers occurred... Raw emotions were tumbling over themselves inside of the highest members of the Jedi Order.

Fear. Anger. Mistrust.

„Disturbing all of this is. Meditate on it we should.“ Yoda finally said, to break through the dangerous pathway that had opened by the darkness amongst them.

„Meditate, Master Yoda? Haven’t you seen what he did to the younglings?“ Master Unduli burst out, so unlike her. But then the whole situation was so unlike anything anyone had witnessed in their lives.

“What he might do.” Master Plo-Koon corrected.

As if a curtain has fallen, loud encounters of outrage began to rise, even the most calm and controlled of the Jedi Masters could not contain their protests.

“Meditate on it we will. Spoken I have.” Yoda interrupted the heated debate.

Begrudgingly the members departed their seats and left for the meditation chambers.

“Master Yoda. A word?” Obi-Wan said.

“Worried for your former Padawan you are. Worried for him all of us are.” Yoda said while making his way slowly towards the door.

“What will you do, Master? We cannot imprison him in the temple.”

Yoda seemed to think deeply before he spoke. Clearly weighting his options.

“Detain him in his room we must. Until find out, what to do, we will. Not the Jedi way this is. No other options there are.”

Stunned Obi-Wan was left behind, the empty Council Chambers getting darker by the standard minute as the sun had begun to set behind the Coruscant skyline. 

Chapter Text

Alone. In his chamber. Anakin wondered if all of this really happened or maybe it just had been the result of his imagination?

Two temple guards were standing in front of his locked chamber door. He could sense them there. No. It wasn’t a fever dream…

Had he really revealed his greatest secret to the Council? Just like that?

Maybe all of it was just a misunderstanding, surely those visions happened only in his own mind. The Council members certainly didn’t see all of it...that would be crazy, right?

But then why was he sent to his chamber like a felon? Why did they take his lightsaber? Unquestionably they sent him away to discuss his visions without him. In this moment they were talking about him. Seeing him unworthy of joining the conversation… Angry he jumped to a stand.

They didn’t trust him! They trusted him so little that they took his weapon from him and put him away like a prisoner!

In a burst of emotion he swiped the models of starfighters off his desk. They shattered on the ground. It wasn’t enough to relieve his sorrow, so with his durasteel hand he ripped the Podracing poster from his wall and kicked the adjacent chair. Still not calm, he let out a outcry hoping that someone would come in to check on him. Someone he could let his anger out on.

He had been stupid enough to confide in them and they discarded of him like trash! It was all Obi-Wan’s fault! Anakin always suspected Obi-Wan was jealous of him and now he had given him the perfect tool to discredit Anakin in front of the whole Jedi Order.

Maybe he could change his fate. Maybe he could talk to them again, show them how valuable he had been for the Jedi Oder. After all he was the Chosen One, the Hero without Fear. And after all, he had shown them who Sidious truly was.

Maybe that would be enough to overlook his secret marriage and his potential sins? Kriff, what if they found out about the Tusken Raider slaughter?

What would they do with him? Certainly a harsher punishment than library duty or meditation exercises like he got in the past. Would they.. throw him out of the Order? It would be painful but he had toyed with the idea several times in the past. Would they go so far and discredit Padmé for having a secret marriage to a Jedi? What if they sentence him to a life in prison? The Citadel was built to hold rogue Jedi after all, before falling into the hands of the Separatists…

Maybe he needed to take another approach? Instead of begging them for mercy he could force them to accept him. If he became so powerful that they would accept whatever he asked for. He could, he should make them…

No. He couldn’t. He never could join the dark side and become Sidious’ apprentice.

Although…he had done so, hadn’t he? He had joined the dark side to save Padmé’s life. What did she even needed saving from? His visions weren’t clear what would threaten her. But nevertheless he had his reasons and did it for the greater good. The idea of him losing her was driving him into madness. Padmé was his wife. He loved her! He would do anything necessary…

Kriff.

In a moment of clarity he looked around his room, the dismantled state of his few belongings. And he realized where his thoughts were taking him.

He was becoming the Evil he was trying to prevent. Right here. It had already begun.

Defeated he slid down the wall to crumble into a pile of misery. He was going to commit all of those terrible things. He was going to choke Padmé! Kill the younglings! He would become a cripple inside of a black suit..

The tears kept coming and didn’t stop until late after darkness had set his room into a lightless tomb he couldn’t escape.

Midnight meetings were very rare for the Jedi Council. However, extraordinary circumstances required extraordinary actions.

Sorrow filled faces sat together in a half circle. No one dared to speak the first words to open the discussion. It was a discussion of fate. Not only for a singular Order member. But for no less than the fate of the whole galaxy.

„We won’t find a solution if no one dares to spread their mind.“ Obi-Wan says after waiting long enough for Master Yoda to address the Rancor in the room. Yoda seemed to be in a meditative state, his head bowed down, neither looking at the ground nor at anything in particular.

„I suggest we treat him like a rogue Jedi. Put him into prison, stasis would even be more advisable.“ Ki Adi Mundi says with a calm but rather cautious voice.

„On what offence exactly?“ someone asked.

„Treason.. “ He answered.

„He hasn’t committed treason..“ Obi-Wan interrupts.

„.. Yet.“ Windu says.

„Say he was imprisoned… There is always a chance he could escape.. We have lost prisoners in the past. “ Kit Fisto says.

„What are you implying?“ Obi-Wan asks angrily.

„Don’t you think the risk of him being wrongfully sentenced to prison would turn him against us? It would quicken his transition into our enemy.. “

„Maybe…“

„Who in his right mind would try to help free a rogue Jedi?“ someone throws in between.

„Darth Sidious! Count Dooku?“

„Maybe he already is working with them!“

„He is a great warrior after all. He’d be the greatest weapon if used correctly..“

„Execution is the only final way. We cannot risk what is at stake here.“

Obi-Wan felt sick to his bones. Did he hear that right? They wanted to kill one of their own – Anakin-? Just like that?

„We haven’t really talked about our biggest problem yet. Darth Sidious is ruling the Republic and the army, he is Count Dooku‘s Master. We know he is highly interested in Anakin. We would play straight into his hands!“

A loud discussion broke loose. Dealing with the Sith Lord would be the highest priority to save the Galaxy. However it seemed the fate of the Jedi Order was depended on their decision what to do with Anakin Skywalker.

„To a dark place your propositions lead us.“ Yoda finally spoke and silenced the others.

„I don’t see it necessary to do anything about Anakin. He confided in us and has changed the course of his fate by doing so. He’s our ally. Ahsoka’s Master. My old Padawan. And most of all our friend.“ Obi-Wan said.

„Unfortunately, not so easy it is. Cannot deny Skywalker’s past, nor his weaknesses. Shown us, crossed the Jedi Code he has. Close to the dark side he has become over the course of the Clone Wars. If crossed the line to the dark side he has, gone for good he will be.“ Yoda said wistfully.

„I know. He has been under a lot of stress lately. But why do we make him the villain? Palpatine is the root of it all. We should be focusing on him instead.“

„Skywalker is a threat, Obi-Wan. Let go of your attachment to him.“ Mace Windu said.

„If we take down Palpatine, there won’t be a …“

„He is a threat within himself!“ Windu interrupted.

„Therefore save him from himself we must.“ Yoda said and everyone knew he was about to reveal a solution by his resolute response. „Down in the archives I have been. Looked into ancient holocrons I have. Not unusual it is for Jedi to go astray. Information on Darth Revan I have found.“

„Darth Revan? Anakin is not a Sith! What use could a Sith story be?“ Obi-Wan objected.

„Jedi Master he was. Over the course of war fallen to the dark side he has…“

„Sounds familiar… except the part of him being a Master.“ Windu said.

„What happened to him?“ Plo-Koon asked after looking at Windu with silence.

„Erased his memory the Council had. A Jedi he became again. Defeated the Sith .“

Yoda lowered his gaze again after he had spoken those words. Silence stretched out just like the beginning between the Council members. A dangerously approving silence.

Obi-Wan looked around in hopes for anyone to show signs of disapproval. He had to suffocate the roaring pain inside of him. What use would it be anyway? He had advocated the best he could for Anakin and the Council had dismissed him completely. Further protests by him wouldn’t be helpful in any way. So what could he do? The alternatives were out of question.. Execution! Life-long stasis! Obi-Wan couldn’t let those happen…he had to accept the lesser evil.

„It is settled then.“ Windu looked around the chamber, daring anyone to oppose him. „Until we have discussed all the necessary steps and actions Skywalker will remain on house arrest.“

 „There is only one issue left...“ One of the members said. Obi-Wan looked up with a glimmer of hope.

„What about Senator Amidala?“

Chapter Text

How did it come so far? Where did they go wrong?

In an blink of an eye Obi-Wan found himself in a situation out of his power, out of his grasp.

And they had assigned him to do one of the worst things he had ever done in his life. To deliver the message. To make her understand.

Were they really keepers of the peace? Or just keepers of their Order?

There he was. Standing at the landing platform of Padmé Amidala’s penthouse. How many years of friendship had they shared? How many obstacles and dangers overcome? Hadn’t she come to Geonosis to rescue him all those years ago? Obi-Wan felt the guilt ripping him apart. Before he would be unable to step any further he clung to the last bit of reasoning to keep him going.

They had also betrayed him. Yes, somehow deep down he knew what his Padawan and the senator were doing. Deep down he couldn’t deny it. But the realization of what they had actually done – marriage! With a child on the way!- he tried to nourish the dark side of the feeling of betrayal. It was the only thing that gave him enough power to step forward.

Padmé didn’t take long to arrive and meet him at the entrance. Just about finished shrugging on her velvet overcoat. He could tell she was surprised to see Obi-Wan. Clearly expecting another visitor who had surely come over more than once to see her in secrecy.

From the hollowness of her eyes and the paleness of her skin he could tell she was clearly struggling to keep the composed persona of a Senator instead of a worried wife looking for her lost husband.

Said husband, whose name was too painful for Obi-Wan to repeat in his mind, had returned to Coruscant weeks ago. News spread fast of who was on the battlefield and who was back in the security of the capital. So surely she expected her lover - husband - to come and see her after months of separation. Contact her in some way. Maybe he had when he first arrived here?

Little did she know that her husband had fatally put his faith in the Council – in him. He was still detained after… after what they had done to him. They needed to make sure he really had forgotten what would be the end of the galaxy, of the Jedi Order. And the younglings.

Yes, they saved the younglings. It was maybe the only thing that gave him enough ease of mind. Soothe his guilt. After all..

Anakin was his brother and he loved him.

„Obi-Wan. What a surprise…Are you alright?“ Padmé asked him.

The ability to read the people around her was always something he was fascinated about. For a force non-sensitive she was surprisingly gifted.

„Padmé, I didn’t mean to be rude to come here unannounced.“

„No, no.. Please, come in.“

They walked a few steps, to the light flooded entrance seating area. Silently they sat after C3-PO scuttled in and offered refreshments. They exchanged a few words of pleasantries, with Padmé being so polite not to ask what brought him here.

Obi-Wan could tell she was on the brink of asking him straight about Anakin. A few times she opened her lips only to lift her cup and sip from her beverage. How much worry and love she held for him, behind her facade of a politician, now that Obi-Wan knew, it wasn’t hard to notice. How others around them didn’t figure out what was going on between them?

„Padmé, there is something I need to tell you.“

„Something terrible has happened, am I right?“ instinctively her right hand snuck up and rested on her belly. Obi-Wan didn’t have to look to know that it could hardly be hidden behind her pleated velvet coat.

He knew. Unfortunately he knew it all.

Maybe if he had the strength he could reach out to the force and even feel it. The small little life that grew inside of her. If he had been a stronger man. Shame on him for being able to know, to feel when the father would never…

„Yes. Something happened.“ He had to. Break the unspoken rule between them. „Anakin…He has fallen to the dark side.“

„I’m not sure I can follow your words..“ she said, her smile still politely adorning her lips.

„I saw how he pledged himself to the Sith Lord we have been looking for.“

„No. This is not true. Anakin would never…“

„Padmé. We know…“

He didn’t know how much he could say. After all she was pregnant and he didn’t want to cause her unnecessary stress. In hindsight there was nothing he could say or do to make this any easier. To make him any less the evil he had sworn to destroy…

„Obi-Wan. I know Anakin since he was a small boy. He would never.. How can you even say that! He risked his life for you, for any of us. Over and over again!“

Obi-Wan sighed. The Council had agreed only to tell her he had fallen to the dark side and they had his memories wiped. But he couldn’t.

„There were fore sightings. He will become the most evil and powerful Sith of the Galaxy. It was all a plot. Dooku. The separatists. The war. It was all just a plot and we fell for it.“

She could only stare at him while he continued talking. A deception? By Palpatine? A Sith Lord? How could that be?

„What if all of this is just a mistake? How can you judge something so easily?“ She straightened her spine about to use her rhetorical powers as a politician to disarm her opponent with logic and smart words. Little did she know that the universe had been led by powers out of the political world since the beginning of time and till the end of it. Everything she had worked for just seemed like a grain of sand in the bigger picture.

„The darkness that had made the Jedi blind has been lifted. Our connection to the Force is strong, it has revealed the truth, for us to mend all wrongs that have been done. All the wrongs that were about to happen…“

„What does that have to do with Anakin?“

„He will fall because of you..“

„Because of me?“ Again she straightened her back in unease, her left hand finding it’s place next to her right, shielding his gaze from her most precious secret and giving away just the truth of it.

„We know he’s the father, Padmé. In fear of losing you and the child he will commit the most horrific crimes.. „ How? She didn’t even have the opportunity to tell Anakin. How could they know?

She couldn’t hear no more. Agitated she comes to a stand.

„No! I can’t believe it.“

He followed her motion. She put some distance between them, taking a few steps in distressed silence.

„Where is he now? What have you done to him?“ Padmé turned around to glare at him.

„He’s alive and well.“ She sighed in relief. „But he isn’t the man I used to know or… you used to love.“

„Stop talking in riddles! Just tell me..“

„In order to prevent… the Council has decided to wipe his memory. It was the only way.“

She opened her mouth to speak, words unable to escape her lips.

„It was the only way?“ she finally asked. Truthfully she couldn’t face the reality of what he just had revealed.

„Would you have preferred him to be executed for falling to the dark side then?“ Obi-Wan bashed in a hateful manner, so unlike him.

„You can’t do this! He has done nothing wrong besides putting his trust in you!“

„What’s done is done. He was destined to commit those sins, he couldn’t change his fate if he wanted to. The force is all around us, it’s not dependent on time and space. It is us here who think we have the ability to change. In the force there is no time, no decay or progress. We just are.“

Padmé didn’t want to hear his philosophical justification for committing the most horrible crime she had ever witnessed.

„I can’t. I have to see him. Obi-Wan. I have to talk to him. You will see. He won’t turn to the dark side..“

„Padmé..”

„We will just..run away. Raise our child.“

„Padmé..“

„I love him Obi-Wan. And he loves me too. I know it’s forbidden for a Jedi. But he will listen to me.“

„Padmé, he won’t know you anymore.“ He could see the tears filling her eyes. „That is why I am here. You won’t see him again.“

„You can’t...“

“The Council knows about your marriage, your child. You are the reason he will fall, we cannot risk it. I have pledged myself to protect you. You have to promise me not to do anything reckless.”

“Reckless?”

„It’s a matter of galactic security. They made him forget and it will stay that way. He will only know what won’t hurt him. If you try to reach out to him or make him remember… it will be treated as treason against the Republic.“

„Treason?“ she stammered. Whatever would come after this, with everything Palpatine or Darth Sidious had done, she was sure of one thing. Democracy has died a long time ago. Treason was just a matter of point of view by now.

„The mildest sentence would be a life in prison and you know better than me that the Republic have executed treasoners in the past. You couldn’t want that. You have other responsibilities now to take care of.“ She noted how he quickly glanced at her belly before looking back at her face.

Padmé couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Was all of this just a nightmare? Just about to wake up and find herself lying next to Anakin? Find comfort in his never ending warmth until her heartbeat would calm down again and she could fall back asleep to better dreams?

All of this just couldn’t be happening.

Without saying anything more Obi-Wan made his way back to the speeder. Having delivered the message, his deed was done. To be honest he couldn’t say no more without falling apart. The initial dark side he had channeled had subsided into a deep melancholy consuming all of his composure and self control.

Padmé panicked when she saw him leave. With her last bit of sanity she held on to whatever measure she could find to persuade him. To do something. Anything.

„Obi-Wan. Anakin never knew his father. Please. Don’t let his child meet the same fate.“ Padmé felt like begging but knew that it was out of his hands.

Obi-Wan couldn’t turn around to look at her. Only slightly tilted towards her, he stared at the ground.

„I’m sorry Padmé.” He said. “For all of it.“

Chapter Text

Months passed. 

Months in which Padmé didn’t know how she had endured it all with all the tumult that had happened. Delirium was mostly what was left for her.

The war was over. Knowing what the Jedi had done left her numb from pain.

Officially, the Chancellor’s had been assassinated by a Separatist group. Little did anyone know that the Jedi had tried to arrest Palpatine which had resulted in a fight between him and Mace Windu. Palpatine was defeated. However, the Jedi feared the Senate and the people would see it as an attack on the Republic. See it as a coup d’état of the Jedi instead of their liberation. Therefore the Jedi decided to make it look like it was an assassination by the Separatists.

With his Master dead Count Dooku got desperate, accessed the system though a leak and enabled Order 66. Many Jedi, especially those who still were scattered across the Galaxy to defend the Republic, were killed by their clone legions. Only the Jedi Temple was able to hold off the attack as the majority of the Jedi Council, including Yoda, Mace Windu and Obi-Wan had been able to secure it. It took several days until the leak had been found and the conspiracy of the clone chips had been revealed. Days in which an almost civil war like situation had broken loose between the remaining Jedi, their supporters and the mind controlled clones. Finally, Order 66 was deactivated. One step closer to the end of the war.

Still, the Jedi had been weakened tremendously. The “Dark Times” of Order 66 were used to their advantage. Many resources and credits were given to the Jedi, as reparations of the wrongdoings of the Republic against them. After all… it had been the Republic’s clones that had murdered hundreds of faithful Jedi due to a chip malfunction caused by Count Dooku. Nobody knew it had been a plot of the Sith. Nobody except the members of the Jedi Council.

Dooku went into hiding, abandoning General Grievous. He had tried to replace Dooku as the head of the Separatist movement, convincing the leaders of the Separatist to meet him in Utapau which made him an easy target. News of his defeat and the capture of the leaders filled the HoloNet with roaring applause as it meant the end of the war. For good.

How did Padmé know this? Well. She followed the news and knew how to read between the lines. The Jedi had set up a house of cards built upon lies and deceit. No wonder, she didn’t expect anything less from them. 

Sometimes she didn’t even want to participate in this child’s play called politics. However, it was the only way for her to see how he was doing. If there were any news on him at all.

Anakin.

For months after Obi-Wan had destroyed her world she kept reaching out. Through any way she could think of. Even going so far and sending one of her handmaidens on disguise into the Jedi temple as Orn Free Taa’s assistant. The senator of Ryloth had a rather known reputation for liking young humanoid females by his side and changing them regularly, so using him as an entry to the Jedi meeting hadn’t been difficult.

All that effort only to find out Anakin had been swallowed by the ground. Or more precisely… expertly hidden by the Jedi.

After the public and the Senate for that matter had asked where their Hero without Fear had been in all of this tumult, the Jedi revealed that Anakin Skywalker had suffered severe physical injury in his last mission which had kept him in rehabilitation for a long period of time.

Padmé knew better. Of course it was her who had sown the seed in her colleagues mind – one of them Bail Organa - to mistrust the Jedi to pursue further information on his whereabouts. With great reluctance the Jedi had admitted that Anakin was suffering from amnesia due to his injuries and was still training to regain his powers.

The audacity.

Meetings. Celebrations. All for the New Order. Senator Padmé Amidala Naberrie had skipped them all. She had lost her faith in anything that was under the protection of the Jedi. Maybe they had saved the galaxy. Saved thousands of lives by ending the war. Stopped the waves of wartime refugees who brought the system close to a collapse and a rise in interspecies hate crimes. Saved the Republic from bankruptcy.

At what cost? In the depth of the following depression caused by Obi-Wans revelations, she had asked herself why the Jedi hadn’t decided to erase her memory too. Free her of the tormenting daily thoughts and nightly dreams of her husband. Anakin. Laughing with her. Holding her close. Caressing her growing belly. Ripping her heart into pieces when she woke up to find herself in her tortuous reality of a nightmare.

It didn’t help that the transition from the Republic under Palpatine to the New Order didn’t go as smoothly as people thought. It is a childish assumption to think that politics worked like beheading a snake, that taking out a leader would miraculously change the whole system. In reality, the Republic had suffered from corruption, dishonesty and nepotism for too long. It had infiltrated all executive and jurisdictive parts of the order.

People like Tarkin and Mas Amedda were still in their powerful positions. As they hadn’t committed any traceable crimes, they continued their ways in a disgustingly politically correct manner. They were the perfect example of what was wrong with the pretentious democracy that the New Order had acclaimed itself to be.

And there was another problem at hand. Ahsoka had been convicted for the terrorist attacks on the Jedi Temple. As if everything hadn’t been complicated enough, the Jedi Temple was attacked weeks after the Chancellor had been killed. The Jedi had been in a vulnerable state after Order 66. Initially people assumed a rogue clone with another malfunctioning chip had executed the attack. Unfortunately all evidence led to believe it was an inside job and even less proof led to Ahsoka. Padmé didn’t believe for a second that Ahsoka would do such a thing but the little evidence that existed weren’t in her favor. Her trial had been short and ruthless. Currently she was detained, awaiting her punishment. Luckily the new government suffered from the same illness the Republic did. Bureaucracy. Loads of bureaucracy. Making it slow and predictable. Which set the date of her execution so far in the future that Padmé was optimistic she could get at least a reduction of sentence for good behavior before Padmé set down her own mandate in the senate.

The only positive thing about Ahsoka’s situation was that it pulled Padmé out of her depression and pushed her back into being angry. She was angry. At the Republic for failing. At the New Order for pretending to be different. At seeing her longtime friend being in prison. At losing her husband and the father of their child to morals and ideals that did not exist. She was brooding with fury, initially like a small flame, lately like a roaring fire. She was angry. All the time.

At this point Padmé was heavily pregnant. At her last examination with her medical droid she had found out she was having twins, one of them definitely a boy. The other gender could not be revealed for certain. She hoped it would be a girl, she always imagined Anakin being a wonderful father to a little girl..

No. She couldn’t go there. Finding out those news had already pushed her into a week long phase of severe depression. Again. Shutting herself into her apartment, mostly lying in bed with one of the few belongings she had left of him. His cut-off Padawan braid in hand, wrapped in one of his night robes she stared at the ceiling, feeling her babies kick in her stomach after she had stopped sobbing.

Another standard week passed. Another evening. Another function to attend. She didn’t want to go. What was the point of it anyway? Soon she would resign from her senator mandate and go back to Naboo.

There also wouldn’t be anyone she would want to spend her evening with.

„This will be the last opportunity to see your fellow senators.“ Sabé pledged.

„I couldn’t care less.“ Padmé replied while looking through her wardrobe.

„It is also the last opportunity for us to spend time at a Coruscant party…“ she continued.

Padmé sighed. She knew what Sabé and Dormé and all her other handmaidens were trying to achieve here. Get her out of the apartment. Try to enjoy her pregnancy as good as she could. Go back to being herself…

„Fine.“ She sighed again. „Only for you.“ She stretched out her hand to take out an emerald blue dress. This would be a right fit.

She had stopped wearing gowns that might hide her obvious protrusion. There actually was no point in hiding anymore. Quite the opposite. She was proud of what it meant when other people threw her questionings looks of how her belly came to be.

Padmé knew. The father of her children was a hero. In every way.

If anybody dared to ask who he might be she always had the same reaction. She smiled and kept her peace. Making the questioner highly uncomfortable. There weren’t many in the first place as she had stayed away from most people. Not because she was hiding like she used to. No. Because she was sick and tired of seeing everyone.

Living their oblivious lives. Thinking that the galaxy was a fair and equal place, where you earn something if you work hard. Or you get rewarded if you’re honest and kind.

Lies. Deception. Greed.

That was what true life looked like.

Sabé didn’t comment on her choice of wardrobe. She knew Padmé long enough to read her emotions by her actions. The message was loud and clear to all of them.

Padmé was hurting.

And all of the handmaidens were hurting alongside her. Even though they weren’t completely sure what they were mourning. They knew that something terrible had happened and Padmé was left alone with her unborn children. They had speculated how Skywalker and his recent accident resulting in amnesia fit into all of this. Back in the day, Moteé had caught them kissing and it was no secret Skywalker was head over heels in love with her. One unlikely theory was that the couple had simply broken up. Although with two children on the way and Skywalker’s backstory it would have been surprising that he would simply abandon her.

The other even more unlikely theory concluded that they had broken up and Padme had met someone new without them knowing. Resulting in Skywalker not being the father. In some ways it did kind of made sense, as he was a Jedi and forbidden to have children. If they recalled correctly Padmé and him were also apart in the time when the conception must have happened. Which left everyone even more confused. But Padmé never was the promiscuous type of woman. Which led them to the conclusion that none of their theories and speculations made any sense.

The only thing that did, was making sure Padmé got the help and love that she deserved. They would be by her side either way. Until one day, Padmé wouldn’t need their support anymore. Truthfully they would be by her side even long after that.

Coruscant was as busy as ever. Late at night the small entourage accompanied Padmé to the Senate building. They were more than politely late but Padmé didn’t care for the questioning looks. She also didn’t care she wore the low plunging, tight robe with the Japor snippet Anakin carved for her. The contrast of the elaborate gown to the simple accessory was very unlike Nubian tradition in the most unfashionable way. Again Padmé didn’t care. That pendant would stay by her side until she lay in her deathbed and no function or style choice could make her change her mind.

They entered the rooms which used to be the Chancellor’s office. Redesigned for multipurpose use like this celebration of the New Constitution.

She saw a mix of familiar and new faces. Senators were greeting her, exchanging pleasantries.

She saw a few Jedi too, no familiar ones. It made her feel nauseous and she had the sudden urge to leave this place.

„Are you alright?“ Sabé asked after seeing Padmé’s cheeks turning red and then pale in an unhealthily manner.

„I don’t feel well. We should..“

But she couldn’t finish her sentence. She could feel something strange before she could see it. Like a slight tingle at the back of her head. A sense that something would happen that she wasn’t prepared for. Slowly she turned to the side. Overrun by shock she stood there. 

There he was.

Leaning against on of the pillars in the far corner of the room. Not participating in the business of the party, he seemed to be scanning the crowd. As if there still could be any danger from any intruders. As if assassins were a problem like back in the day. As if the real felons weren’t invitees of the evening.

Their eyes met for a standard second, Padmé felt her heart stop. A gentle hand from her entourage helped her from swaying. She didn’t know who it was but it was the only thing that kept her from falling over.

A flicker of recognition seemed to cross his eyes as he pushed off the pillar and came over to her.

„Senator Amidala.“ He said when he came close enough, bowing slightly. Padmé had a flashback to when she first saw him in her penthouse after ten years of being apart. Three years ago. Before the war. Before everything…

She didn’t know how much time had passed but her silence surely seemed rude at this point. For the life of her she couldn’t say a word.

“General Skywalker. It’s good to see you up and well.” Dormé stepped in.

Anakin didn’t reply at first. Watching the group of women before him and looking from one to the other with mirth in his eyes.

“I was actually referring to Padmé herself. It’s good to know you still protect her with all your might.” He gives them a dazzling smile.

„General Skywalker. I—I’m surprised you recognize me.“

Formality it was, for now. She had to suffocate the urge to fall around his neck, tell him that she missed him so terribly. Tell him what they did to him.

She felt their children move, surely due to her increased heart beat, one of them kick her slightly. She couldn’t risk it. Couldn’t see them be taken away from her. She had seen what the Jedi were capable of when they had talked themselves into rightfulness. They wouldn’t spare her or her children.

„You haven’t changed a bit since I first saw you in Watto’s shop.“ Padmé definitely was feeling light headed at this point. „I’m sorry for not remembering more than that. I recently suffered some memory loss-„

„I know.“ She interrupts. She can’t hear this again. Not from him.

„Obi-Wan told me I used to be your bodyguard for some time...”

She didn’t reply. Only nodded with a fake smile plastered on her lips. She saw him shift, his eyes suddenly fixated on her neck. Recognition marked his face. As if wanting to reach out and hold the Japor snippet in his hand, he moved. Then he stopped from pursuing any further.

Warmth. The same feeling she always had when he was around. Undeniably, Anakin had become her source of solace and comfort over the course of war. Even now. In this bizarre reality. His movements filled her with hope. Maybe their love was stronger than anything the Jedi did to him? Maybe he would remember..?

“It seems congratulations are due. You and the father must be beyond yourselves with joy.” Anakin said suddenly with a quick glance down her figure.

A bucket full of ice cold water emptied over her head. She didn’t know what derailed her more. His words or the way his gaze suddenly had become distant and cold.

„He isn’t with us anymore.“ She whispered and felt her eyes fill with tears. No. No. No. She couldn’t do this!

Surely misunderstanding her sudden emotional reaction, Anakin seemed to soften.

„My sincere condolences. I didn’t know-„

„Anakin!“ Obi-Wan’s voice pulsed in between them. „I have been looking for you. Surely-„ he stopped when he saw Padmé. “Senator Amidala, what a nice surprise.“

„General Kenobi.“ She nods in acknowledgement.

„Thankfully, not a General anymore. Now that the war is over..“ he smiled but Padmé knew him good enough to see his unease with the situation.

The silence that spread between them was loud. Padmé knew that both Jedi could sense everything that was going on behind the neutral facades of their faces. Only one of them could not place these opposing emotions. One who had been betrayed by his own master.

„I’ve heard you will be returning to Naboo.“ Obi-Wan said.

„Yes.“ She replied while looking at everything except him. „I won’t be any more of a bother to you there.“ She says shortly.

„Senator, it has been my pleasure, as you know.“

Anakin looked questioningly at the two. He could clearly sense annoyance radiating from Padmé.

„I’ve been assigned to overlook Senator Amidala’s security. As you know, you used to act as her bodyguard and you were… well. Someone needed to step in for the time you were unavailable. However, how comes I haven’t been informed you’d be here tonight?“

Yes. Obi-Wan’s weekly meetings with her security personnel had been just the last straw. Under the pretense of keeping her safe from more assassination attempts, that weirdly only the Jedi seemed to know of, he had stopped by every week for the past few months. Padmé knew better, it was not to keep her safe… it was to keep her away from Anakin. In a golden cage. Just in case.

“It was a spontaneous decision..” Padmé hoped to end this unnecessary discussion.

„Well, I guess I have to apologize for the inconvenience, Master.“  Anakin joked and laughed after understanding crossed his initial doubtful expression. “Inconvenient as of taking care of my duties, I mean. Taking care of Padmé is more a pleasure than duty..” He said and blushed a little.

„I haven’t heard of you having any missions since your… accident.“ Or any outings whatsoever, Padmé thought as she interrupted their conversation about Obi-Wan’s prison guard duties. What Obi-Wan did or thought didn’t matter anyway.

„Anakin couldn’t keep his feet still anymore. This is actually his first outing..“ Obi-Wan said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

„I can’t complain. Physically I’m well…it will take some time to regain my memory. But I’m working on it.“ Anakin said with sincere enthusiasm.

The way his voice sounded. So different. Padmé had forgotten how the war had changed Anakin over time. It had.. burdened him, darkened him. She really had forgotten who the man she initially fell in love with used to be. How ambitious, carefree and boyish he was. Until the day his mother died and the war began.

It seemed Anakin and Obi-Wan had drifted off in their own conversations about Anakin’s memory loss, where Obi-Wan tried to appease Anakin not to be disappointed if no memories return. Padmé couldn’t follow, their words which seemed to echo further away with every passing standard minute.

Maybe it was the pregnancy. Or this surreal situation. It felt like an out of body experience. How could she just stand here and talk to them? After everything that had happened?

She wasn’t ready to see him, even less to talk to him. Being treated like an old acquaintance instead of being his wife was even more painful than she would have imagined. One moment she was talking, the next she swayed dangerously, almost losing her balance completely.

Her handmaidens were there to catch her, ahead of colliding with the ground. Before she could collect herself, they had helped her to the nearest seating area. Padmé let everyone know they were overreacting and that she was fine. But the damage was done. Anakin left shortly after his Master ordered him away. Obi-Wan was standing farther away, talking on his commlink until Anakin returned with a medical droid. He kneeled down close to her. She opened her mouth to speak to him, continue where they left off. Sadly, the moment they shared earlier was gone. There was no opportunity to talk properly or get close.

Beeping. Both of the Jedi’s commlinks went off in sync. With a formal excuse, after making sure Padmé was in good hands, they bowed down again, Obi-Wan already rushing off. Though Anakin’s eyes lingered too long on her face and for a moment she could have sworn that he stared at her necklace again. Then, blue eyes left her, saying his final goodbye and squeezing through the crowd until Padmé could see him no more.

Chapter Text

Anakin was lying in his usual secret spot, staring at the Coruscant night sky. Lines and lines of never-ending traffic were sectioning the atmosphere into a oddly symmetrical chart. But in-between, that’s where his true attention lay.

The light pollution didn’t allow him to see much. But sometimes he would get a glimpse on them. The Stars. Far, far away. And he hadn’t seen even a fraction of it. Who was he kidding. He hadn’t left the Temple even less so the planet since that day. Looking at the stars always had a bittersweet feel to it. Somehow it calmed his turmoil within. His anger. His frustration. While further fueling his need to do something about his situation.

Just so he could remember and prove himself worthy. Because he used to be…Back before his accident he was more than worthy. He was capable. He was capable in his lightsaber combat and his power to wield the force, even more than most of his peers. Even more than his own master.

Technically he hadn’t lost those abilities but he might as well have.

Memories. Memories were knowledge. Knowledge was power. Anakin was living that truth every day.

The last thing he remembered… he was on a mission with his master. In fact he was saving Obi-Wan’s life from a bunch of gundarks on Vanqor. Why that moment had survived as his last memory, he didn’t know.

Anakin had tried everything, so that he finally would be given an assignment as a Jedi Knight that entailed more than being a guardian of the Temple Archives. When he was little the idea of being a Jedi had excited him. Filled him with hope. Now? Well.. He realized there were a lot of different kinds of Jedi. Only a fraction of them had an occupation that he considered worthwhile. Some Jedi were mostly scholars or caregivers at the temple and not the warriors he imagined all of them would be. Never would he have imagined he’d end up as one of them.

Alas, what could he do? He couldn’t blame anyone for his situation than himself and his mind. His own mind had failed him. Failed him to remember such a pivotal moment in the history of the Republic. The Clone Wars.

And what significance those years had. A war across the galaxy! Against injustice and corruption. How much he longed to know what it must have been like to actually fight an enemy. Not just train at the temple, only to pretend what a real battle must be like. He couldn’t believe he would forget something so exciting…

Why, why?! Why was he so weak that he couldn’t remember such a crucial time of his life? Wasn’t he supposed to be the Chosen One? Shouldn’t the Force be on his side? Make him remember..?

The Chosen One. Another thing Anakin didn’t understand. The prophecy had claimed he was supposed to defeat the Sith. How he hated being the center of said prophecy. All those years he had endured the mockery and isolation by his peer Jedi. Only to be greeted by the fact that Dooku was defeated, without him having any participation in it.

What kind of Chosen One is out of order through the most crucial moment of the whole galaxy? Kriff. Even worse, he had slept through the near eradication of the Jedi. It just didn’t sit right with him. Maybe if he hadn’t been unconscious, he would have had the chance to save his old mentor and friend Palpatine. Maybe he would have been some kind of help in that crucial time for the Republic? If only he could do something worthwhile now. Redeem his past..

But then the Council did not see him fit enough to do anything. Anakin sighed. He couldn’t blame the Jedi Council for being hesitant to give a compromised Jedi any kind of assignment that involved true responsibility. Still. Anakin felt useless. No matter how hard he tried to reason with himself… something deep inside of him was nagging him. And it only grew more potent with every standard day..

He had tried, Gods, how hard he had tried to remember. Meditation, medical treatments, reaching out to the force. Nothing worked. He had tried to gather as much information he could find hoping it would spark a memory. He had spoken with anyone he could get his hands on, although people did not like to speak about what happened before the ‘Dark Times’. He could only imagine what it must have been like to witness Order 66. With his compromised memory he could tell that the Jedi had changed.. The halls of the Temple were filled with silence, due to the fact of a significantly decreased number of Jedi living in them and well…more rules being put in place. Many outsiders had been accepted to work inside the Temple to make up for the lacking Jedi. Many, who usually didn’t have access. The Jedi had become fragile.. And maybe a little overprotective too.

That might be the reason nobody talked to him, really, or maybe they simply didn’t want to talk to him.

Having always been the outcast as a Padawan Anakin knew how to busy himself alone. He  retreated to lightsaber training mostly, but grew tired of it after weeks. Without a real dueling partner it grew boring quickly. So he began studying holocrons. It wasn’t something he used to do as a Padawan unless insistently obliged to by Obi-Wan. Now, with nothing else to do and with the slight little hope that some information might revive his memory, he began to read. And read. And read. He even studied holocrons that hadn’t been touched in decades by the look of it. Sometimes it felt useless… what did it matter what trading history the Neimodians had? Sometimes he felt he was reading something of great significance…without knowing how the Purrgils’ way of travelling could be important to anything. What he did find out however was that he never truly tried to understand the Force. Back as a padawan he always focused on his light saber skills and knew he could wield the Force when convenient. But diving into the depth of the Force was something he thought just Yoda should know how to do.

The living Force and the cosmic Force. So closely connected. Now that he had the time to investigate. It sparked something in him. Somehow reading felt like knowing it already. Anakin couldn’t fathom whether it was a past memory of him that tired to resurface or if he always had a fundamental knowledge in the back of his mind. A small part in him hoped that if he focused more on the Force itself he might be able to remember clearly. Or even find out more than what his limited mind might have gathered? Because that’s what mattered in the end.

To remember.

The only thing that mattered, since the day everything changed.

When he woke up the first thing he noticed was that his right hand felt… off. Somehow detached. Confused he lifted it to see where flesh should be, silver and gold metal greeted him. He blinked several times. What an odd sight.

Thoroughly he examined the part of him he couldn’t recognize. He didn’t feel anything about the matter, really. It was more an interesting sight he would want to inspect. Mechanics were a specialty of his after all. Only after a long moment realization hit him. He had somehow lost his right hand. His dominant hand. His light saber hand.

Panicked he looked around to see where his light saber was. Only to find out he wasn’t wearing much besides simple clothes destined for patients.

What was going on?

Slowly he raised off the stretcher, then he took in his surroundings. Isolated medical room. No windows. No droids. Only lots of equipment.

It didn’t take long until his state of consciousness was noted by others. A staff droid bustled in to check on Anakin. Unfortunately the droid seemed to be programmed to inspect rather than to inform, as Anakin couldn’t get any information out of him. With a response which must have been programmed to sound appeasing, the medical droid exited the room as quickly as it had appeared.

Frustrated Anakin hopped of the bed, trying to ignore the foreign feeling of his durasteel hand against the edge of the stretcher.

He tried to exit the room only to find out he couldn’t access the door. Loudly he knocked, somehow knowing there wouldn’t be an answer. Growing more and more restless, he wandered around the room, only to come to an abrupt halt.

One of the medical control panels had a small rectangular surface which mirrored Anakin’s reflection.

Tentatively he lifted his right hand, only to be more irritated by it and letting it fall back to its place. With his left fingers he traced the scar on his face. He also looked.. well.. older?

What happened to him?

His shaggy mane and hints of a beard made him look similar to someone who had hibernated in a cave for too long. Where did all of his hair come from? Where was his padawan braid? Why did he look like this? How long had he been here?

Swiftly he ran back to the door. Now pounding against it. The sound of metal against metal ringing loud and clear through the room. It was oddly satisfactory to use the unnatural amount of force he could muster up with his durasteel hand.

Still. No answer.

Defeated he went back to the stretcher and sat down. Time passed. Feeling useless he even laid down again to stare at the ceiling.

If he was patient enough he would find answers to his questions. Patience. Just like Obi-Wan always taught him. He would find out what happened soon.

Finally the hissing sound of door announced the end of his solitary confinement.

Three people entered. Medical staff. None he knew well, even though he had been to the medical bay more often than he could count. Somehow he always ended up in trouble when he was on a mission with his master.

They checked every vital sign, ignoring his adamant questioning. They asked him a long list of questions, most of them targeting what he remembered last. Finally, after being persistent to the extent of standing in their way, blocking the exit, one of the three finally gave him some answers.

He was in the Halls of Healing. He was safe. He had been involved in an accident with an unknown course of events. Leading to temporary amnesia.

When they left, Anakin regretted not asking more questions. But he was dumbfounded by their answers, honestly. Amnesia? He didn’t feel like anything was wrong with him. Well… except his hand. And his appearance.

After the initial shock had weaned, his new reality seemed to set in. And more questions arose. One more nagging then the rest of them.

Where was Obi-Wan? He could shed some light on all of this.

And by any passing minute he was going more and more insane in here.

Why did Obi-Wan leave him here alone? The staff must have informed him by now. Why didn’t he come and get him the kriff out of here?

But Obi-Wan didn’t come. The droids checked on him. They brought him food. They took it away. In fact, no one came. Certainly rotations must have passed and still he got no visitors besides the droids that stared at him with metal faces.

Eventually, his solitude ended. Obi-Wan came and greeted him as if nothing had happened. With a big smile on his face and an almost fatherly hug. He checked on how he was doing, as if discussing the usual daily affairs. As if Anakin just hadn’t lost his memory! With his calm manner and slightly joking attitude he answered some of Anakin’s questions. His arm? His face? How much time had he lost? But not all of them. In fact one sentence got repeated so much, in so many variations, that Anakin was actually tired of asking any further.

“Let’s take things slowly. Everything will fall into place.” Obi-Wan had said.

“There’s no point in explaining. You’ll probably remember soon.”

“We should give your mind time to adjust. You need time to recover.”

Even though Obi-Wan gave him larger pieces of information, they somehow couldn’t be merged into a comprehensible timeline in Anakin’s mind.

Everything just felt off. It didn’t sound like his own past but more a story Obi-Wan was telling about a mutual friend.

Eventually, Anakin was dismissed from the Healing Halls.

That was when the actual mental torment began. In fact, after staying in the medical bay which had – up to this point- been the most frustratingly boring time of his life, they had at least discharged him to be able to wander the halls of the Temple again. He felt like a youngling again, not permitted to leave the Jedi Temple unless accompanied by another Jedi Knight. Well, most didn’t want to be bothered with babysitting a full grown Jedi. Which meant Anakin always stayed inside.

The following weeks did not improve for Anakin. In order to restore his memory the Jedi Council had set daily mediation sessions. Each day one of the Council Members would sit with him for hours to look into his mind. Always ending in the same old questions.

What is the last thing you remember?

Do you know what happened to you when you lost your memory?

Did you have any visions?

But the meditation was of no use. The answer was always the same. No. No. No.

He couldn’t remember anything.

Seemingly the Council had lost hope too. After weeks of trying and failing, he was allowed to walk around the Temple on his own again.

Little did Anakin know that by failing the mediation sessions he was in fact buying his own ticket to freedom. The Jedi Council was assured that Anakin Skywalker had forgotten. The future and the past. For good.

Of course he spoke a lot with Obi-Wan when he was around. Obi-Wan never stayed long at the Temple. He was the first one Anakin approached when he began his journey to regain his memory. He was the most reliable source after all. But Obi-Wan… well.. He had the talent to talk without saying much. One day though, while Anakin was visiting his former master, Obi-Wan causally mentioned a padawan. Ahsoka. Anakin didn’t know a padawan called Ahsoka. Obi-Wan was unusually short with his answer.

Ahsoka Tano had been his Padawan.

Truth to be told Anakin thought it to be a joke. Him training a Padawan was the last thing he would imagine him to have done. Only after the initial shock had diminished, Anakin asked himself what might have happened to her? She wasn’t around the Temple. Somehow, weirdly, a sense of shame overcame him. How could he have forgotten about someone who must have been close to him?

Did she get killed in Order 66 too? So he went to the Temple Archives, one of the few places he had unrestricted access to. In hope of seeing her name written amongst the assassinated Jedi from Order 66 in the Memorial Holocrons. He didn’t find her. He tried to access information on her identification card only to see it was restricted.

Ahsoka Tano wasn’t part of the Order and she wasn’t deceased either. So what other fate could a Jedi have besides that?

Desperate he referred to the last source of information which was as garrulous as it was entertaining. The HoloNet.

There he found articles upon articles about himself, being called the Hero without Fear, about some of his missions and finally… a rather blurry holo of what must be Ahsoka Tano and she was… just a kid.

The article was about her trial on the terrorist attack on the Jedi Temple. Anakin’s heart sank the more he read. His padawan had gone rogue against the Order?

Before he closed his datapad in frustration a sight caught his eye. That female next to Tano, she was so familiar although he could only see a glimpse of her side profile…

It was Padmé.

Shell shocked he stared at the holo in front of him. His former terrorist Padawan and… Padmé. They had known each other? That must mean he had some sort of interaction with her too… Frantically he continued reading the article. Only to find out the author was bashing Padmé’s defense of Tano and her pleas to continue to investigate rather than to sentence „an innocent defender of the Republic based on vague evidence“.

In a frenzy he looked for more information on that trial only to accidentally come across an article where he found himself standing behind Padmé… being named her bodyguard. Overwhelmed he shut the data pad down. Everything was simply too much.

The next day came. Anakin didn’t bother leaving his chamber for the majority of it. Finding out about Ahsoka and Padmé had set something loose in him.

Obi-Wan had noticed his shift in mood but wanted to give Anakin space. Anakin used to be hot headed while being arrogant and incapable of accepting loss, back in the day. Seemingly losing his memory didn’t change him that much. Frankly, he had gotten used to Anakin’s ups and downs. This time, however, Anakin’s mood didn’t seem to improve.

Days passed. Obi-Wan had only a few days left before he would leave for his next prolonged mission. At dinner that night he found Anakin sitting in the far corner, pushing his food from side to side. Anakin watched his former Master sit, then he looked at him, contemplating for a second, before he spoke.

“What other things did I do besides training a padawan in the Clone Wars?” he asked seemingly out of the blue.

 “I can’t give you a list. Being a General entailed various duties..” Obi-Wan said in an all too jokingly manner. What a ridiculous question.

“Right. So.. Did those include bodyguard duties?”

Obi-Wan stopped eating. Anakin had finally figured it out. It was only a matter of time. The manner in which Obi-Wan would answer this question, however, was crucial.

“Yes. You sometimes helped the Senate by escorting some of their members..”

“Some of their members? When were you going to tell me about Padmé?”

“What is there to say? Senator Amidala was just someone-”

“Just someone?! Obi-Wan… how? Don’t you know what she… meant?” his question became almost a whisper, he looked around nervously before leaning back. Anakin didn’t know what to say, he had said too much already. Obi-Wan unfortunately knew exactly how much she meant to him…

“Anakin. As I’ve told you again and again. The past few years were tumultuous. A lot happened. You cannot expect me to recapture each and every detail to you. Frankly, it might be biased by my perspective. It will never be a replacement for your own memory. Do yourself a favor. Try not to dwell too much on it. Try to focus on the future.”

“Yes, Master.” Anakin sighed before he stood up, leaving his unfinished plate behind.

It was the last day before Obi-Wan left Coruscant. A double beep made Anakin aware of someones presence before the door slid open with its familiar hiss.

“You’re in a bad mood.” Obi-Wan leaned against the doorway.

“How observant of you.” Anakin replied.

“I understand your frustration..”

“Do you? Have you lost your memory too?”

“No, but you only need to be-“

“Patient? Haven’t heard that one before.” Anakin rolled his eyes and turned around to focus on his speeder model that he had destroyed yesterday in a wave of anger. An all consuming, fire raging anger. Sometimes the confusion let it come through. In those times he was actually happy to be mostly confided to his room. He couldn’t endure to hear one of the Jedi Master lecturing him on controlling his emotions again.

“I haven’t seen you practice your lightsaber combat skills in a while. Why don’t you try that today? Might burn of some excess energy.. “

“I don’t see any purpose in that. It’s not like I’ll need it anytime soon. Dusting off the holocrons in the archives…“ Anakin didn’t even bother to turn around.

Obi-Wan stood there for a long time. Over the past few months he had mastered the ability to shut away his feelings of betrayal and sorrow. Whenever he looked at Anakin, really looked at him, he wished he could undo the past. But in moments like these where Anakin showed the extent of hurt they had put on him..

That’s when he truly lost it. All reasoning with his conscience.

What was he doing?

„Do you want to leave the Temple today?“

„There’s no way I could leave without the Council finding out..“

„Really? So you sneaking out onto the rooftop of the temple hangar to watch the night sky  ..?“

„How do you..?! Nevermind…“

Both men kept a long pause. Weighing what had just transpired between them.

„You knew then… „

„Believe it or not, I just wanted to see you happy.“

„There’s not much left that could give me happiness.“ Anakin said quietly, almost to himself.

Obi-Wan felt the ground swaying under his feet. As calmly as he could manage, he sat down on the simple sleeper with its unmade cover.

Again a long silence spread between them which was only disturbed by the occasional buzzing noise of the soldering bit that Anakin was using.

„Anakin. Why don’t you help me with a political event tonight?“

Anakin let the little metal wing in his hand slide back on the table. Out of the corner of his eye, without turning his head, he looked at his former Master.

„And the Council?“

„I’ll handle it.“

„What kind of event?“

„A celebration. There will be good food and… “ Anakin didn’t need to hear any further. Good food is something he hadn’t had in a long time.

„Fine. But I’m flying!“

„Don’t push your luck.“ Obi-Wan said and for once he had the slight feeling that maybe he could suppress the guilt in his heart. And maybe everything will be alright.

Losing one’s memory wasn’t bad enough. Being an outcast among the Jedi wasn’t bad enough. But seeing the woman he had secretly loved after all this time, only to see she was out of reach?

It was torture.

Somehow he wanted to be mad at her. How could she love another man? Which was utterly unfair. And utterly ridiculous. He was a Jedi. She was a Queen, no… Senator. In no universe could they have ever..

But still. In a moment of weakness he felt his anger fade and his eyes get wet. Some part of him, in all of this madness, always thought about her. In those times when he was truly losing his mind, he liked to remember Padmé. How kind and beautiful she was when they met on Tatoonie.

And she was just as beautiful. Nothing had changed.

Fuelled by their encounter, he did something he probably shouldn’t have done for his own sake. He began to read anything he could find about her private life on the HoloNet. Anakin didn’t know how he would react if he finally saw the face of the man who had captured Padmé’s heart. But that moment never came.

As it seemed Padmé’s private life was a well kept secret. Or just simply private.

Frustrated he put the data pad aside. He needed some fresh air. Rooftop it was again.

Anakin! Help me! Anakin!

Drenched in sweat Anakin jolt awake. He needed a few moments to capture where he was. In his chamber. Jedi Temple.

Not in a medical bay. And certainly not overlooking Padmé giving birth.

He hadn’t had a dream in.. forever. Not since he lost his memory. It should make him joyous to have his first memory return after such a long time but then… it wasn’t a memory. He didn’t know her whereabouts, even less about the state of her pregnancy.

What the kriff was that?

For a fleeting moment a strange feeling of joy had filled him. Padmé had returned to his dreams. Just like back in the day when he was a younger man, an adolescent, dreaming of her.

But it was wrong now. On so many levels. Wrong. She was with someone else. Or had been. At least for one night she had given herself…and was carrying another man’s child! That thought angered him. He just couldn’t imagine seeing her with someone else. Whenever he had dreamed of her, innocent or less so, she always was either by herself or with him.

And Anakin just had dreamed of her giving birth… calling out his own name. Kriff. Shame washed over him. He had gotten possessive over a woman who he hadn’t seen in months or – including his memory loss- years. So much, that he had started to fantasize of her giving birth to his child. That was on another level of indecency.

Indeed, he did feel disgusted with himself. Luring after a girl he met over a decade ago as a secret crush was fun and games. But this? What kind of decent Jedi dreamed of another man’s pregnant wife?

Although Padmé never said she was married. She just stated the father had passed. Which had filled his heart with a disturbing happiness while truly feeling sad for her. Her heartbroken gaze admitting her loss had haunted him for a long time.

And why in the Force’s name did she still wear the necklace he had made for her? Did she not know what it had meant to him when he gave it to her? Why would she wear another man’s sign of adoration when she was carrying…? Maybe she just wore it as a meaningless accessory, maybe she had forgotten it was made by a little boy called Ani all those years ago?

Anakin took a deep breath. He was overreacting. He had a rough couple of weeks. He had met the woman he had secretly loved for years.. Only to find out she was with someone else. And carrying that man’s child. It was only normal his mind had a tough time to adjust. It made up peculiar dreams. He should treat it like that. Just a peculiar dream.

But the dreams did not stop. In fact the same scene repeated itself the following days, always ending with Anakin almost screaming when he woke up.

Padmé. Giving birth. Calling him for help. Night after night.

„You look tired.“

„I don’t sleep very well lately.“ Anakin confessed.

„Not having any nightmares, surely?“ Obi-Wan joked. He looked rather sun burnt after his last mission.

Anakin contemplated hiding the truth. Although he wasn’t sure what he wanted to hide in the first place. As far as he knew he wasn’t responsible for the content of his dreams. Maybe he was just a little ashamed of having nightmares in general. After all he was a Jedi Knight. And Jedi didn’t know any fear, less so had any nightmares.

„Someone I know is calling me out for help.“

„You never told me you started having dreams again.“ Obi-Wan said.

„Didn‘t find the opportunity to do so..“

„You’ve had plenty of opportunity in our meditation sessions.“

„It’s only one dream. Recurring every night.“

„Every night?“

„Only recently…“

„How recent?“ Obi-Wan pushed.

„Two weeks…“

„And you failed to let me know? Anakin. How often do I have to tell you to keep me informed if any changes happen?“

„I’m sorry… Master.“ Anakin wanted to kick himself. He should have kept his mouth shut.

„Let’s not dwell too long on that. Tell me exactly what your dream is about.“

„I told you… someone asks for my help.“

„Close to you?“

„Kind of.“

„So you know who that person is?“

Anakin sighed. It was no use…

„I dreamed of Padmé.“

Obi-Wan stopped in his tracks. His hands which had been interlinked behind his back, suddenly felt like heavy limbs unwilling to listen to him.

„Padmé Amidala Naberrie?“

„I don’t know anyone else who goes by Padmé, it’s not the most common name…“ Anakin retorted, a slight blush creeping up his cheeks. Obi-Wan used the moment of Anakin’s embarrassment to pull himself back together.

„Interesting, indeed. What did she need help with?“ he asked and strutted forward as if nothing had happened.

Anakin scratched the back of his neck. „I don’t know. She seemed to be in pain.“

„Was she in danger? Could you see what caused her pain?“

Maybe it was another hostage or battlefield situation. Padmé had a talent for getting herself in trouble. No wonder… after all, she was Anakin’s wife, Obi-Wan thought.

„I guess she wasn‘t in danger in the common sense. She was in a tremendous amount of pain…as she was giving birth.“ Anakin said and looked at everything but the man to his side.

Force.

Had someone punched Obi-Wan in the gut and in the back at the same time?

„Are you alright?“ Anakin asked, looking concerned at Obi-Wan who was standing in a almost crunched over position.

„Yes, yes. Maybe breakfast didn’t sit right with me ..“ he stammered while he was grasping for a long breath.. And his sanity.

„I guess the only good thing about my amnesia is that I have forgotten a decent amount of horrible meals the Jedi have served us, labelled as food.“ Anakin joked and took his former Master’s elbow to help him up.

„I think I should take some rest.“ He said, shaking himself loose from Anakin’s grip and angulating himself into a seemingly upright posture. On the inside he was crumbling to pieces and howling in agony.

„What about my dream then? Should I check on her?“

„No. I’ll will take care of that. Remember? I took over your bodyguard duty…“

„Would you keep me informed?“ Anakin asked and Obi-Wan tried to ignore the longing that was attached to that simple question.

„Of course. Don’t worry, Anakin. Dreams can mean a variety of things. From all to nothing.“

Kriff. The Force works in mysterious ways, Obi-Wan thought before he hurried to see Master Yoda.

Mysterious ways, indeed.

Chapter Text

They shouldn’t have done it. The more time passed, the more he became sure of it.

Or at least they shouldn’t have done a partial job. There were just too many loose ends. Maybe they should have erased his memory up to infancy like Master Windu suggested. Before Qui Gon found him. Even before he had formed memories of his mother. But retraining a Jedi wasn’t an easy task and the possibility of him falling to the dark side again was too big of a risk.

After Anakin had been taken into custody at the Jedi temple a hot debate had broken loose between the Council members on what time frame exactly his memory should be erased. And what they should do with him afterwards.

The possibilities were endless and their outcome unknown. After hours of debate they could only find one conclusion.

They were running out of time.

Chancellor Palpatine had requested a meeting with Skywalker. Briefings on recent missions, his office had claimed. He had been appeased repeatedly. How the Council had been so blind not to see the grooming of one of their own that happened right in front of their eyes was beyond them.

If the Council continued to waste time on endless discussions they might have risked stirring attention. If Palpatine suspected the tiniest thing, the Jedi would be at disadvantage.

Skywalker’s fate was to be assessed after dealing with Palpatine. Only confronted they could reveal the conspiracy, end the war..

It was a great risk.. They knew. What if Palpatine wasn’t the Sith Lord? What will the Senate make of their actions? Will they see it as an attack on the Republic itself?

Their worries were almost ridiculous compared to what happened in reality. The fight between Master Windu and Palpatine. Several Council members were easily killed by Darth Sidious. Order 66. Death. Chaos. Disorder.

With heavy faces the remainder of the Jedi Council came together again to decide on Anakin’s fate. Things had changed. The Jedi were weakened. Only a few were left.

It didn’t take much discussion, really. They couldn’t loose another member. Couldn’t erase his memory in a way that made him useless. Logically, they tried to narrow it down to when his true transition to the dark side began. Sometime before the Clone Wars. Definitely before his bodyguard duty with Senator Amidala. As she was identified to be one of his main distractions.

Little did anyone besides Obi-Wan know that his attachment to her had formed long before that. When the Council had discussed it, he had come close to revealing what had happened on Tatoonie years ago on his involuntary visit with Qui Gon… only to be interrupted by Master Yoda.

Master Obi-Wan not suitable is, to make a decision on Skywalker. Too much attachment, he had said.

And maybe, maybe, Obi-Wan couldn’t bring himself to erase the last little bit of happiness Anakin had ever felt. Being freed from being a slave. Memories of his mother, alive and well, even if she was far away. Padmé befriending him, showing him kindness in a world where only money and power mattered. She had showed him a tenderness in a way a little slave boy had never felt by a stranger. Those were memories Anakin had kept in his heart for years.

Obi-Wan knew. There probably wasn’t anyone in the Jedi Order who could know better than himself. He had experienced oddly similar struggles in his time as a padawan. Coming close to being rejected by the Order when he couldn’t be matched with a master. Feeling like an outcast. Being frustrated with Master Qui Gon by his ways of teaching. And..

Falling in love…

Satine. He had to watch her die in his arms. Her only sin being her connection to him. How much he had failed her... Obi-Wan couldn’t imagine what he would have done if… just the idea to be presented with the power to rescue her drove him close to madness. Would he have reached for that power? Maybe not. But the idea of it might have made him tremble. Something Anakin seemingly would have done for Padmé, if the visions had really shown reality.

Truthfully he had dodged a blaster bolt. It wasn’t his strength that had kept him a Jedi. Or his belief in the Order. Satine simply never had said the word. He would have left the Order immediately to be with her.

His current achievement had been not falling into resentment after everything. Honestly, he was slipping into it now. Grief. Feelings of hopelessness. Numbness from pain.

He had failed all the people he ever cared about. Too weak to save his master. Too weak to save his only love. Too weak to save his padawan from himself.

Deep down he couldn’t blame Anakin for all of it. Maybe he was just the sum of all his personal struggles topped with years of emotional neglect. All approved by the Jedi.

Unable to stay and watch Anakin’s memory altering procedure, Obi-Wan left the planet. Only to return for a short amount of time when the message reached him that Anakin had woken up and was getting impatient in the Halls of Healing. Staying as little as possible and taking assignments far, far away from Coruscant became a new habit.

Even though the Republic had been reorganized, it didn’t affect the Outer Rim in the slightest. War Lords, syndicates and slavery were flourishing, people suffered and the new government looked away.

Obi Wan was sent there only by the order of the Senate. Mostly, he did what he always had done. Negotiate. Contracts on trade routes, resources or supplies needed to be done in favor for the New Republic. Obi Wan accompanied any delegate he was assigned to. Asking himself if this was what the Jedi had come to. And sometimes he would remember a young brunette Senator who he had accompanied on several missions, that was earnest and strong in her beliefs but always had the people’s interest in mind. Yes. He missed Padmé too.

He never could stay long in the temple or anywhere close to Anakin.

Whenever the intrusive thoughts and nightmares took over, he had to change scenery. As a Jedi he was trained to be always on the go, never settling for comfort or the known. This. This was different. He was running, knowing too well that he couldn’t outrun himself. Not until he had made peace with himself and a young man that was detained to the Jedi Archives.

After weeks of trying to numb the pain and failing completely, he made a somewhat foolish mistake. Taking Anakin to the celebration gathering had backfired in a way nobody saw coming. The situation had been under control but seeing a pregnant Padmé and a love struck Anakin in the same room… never had he felt any more on the brink of failing. Never was he closer to lose his mind. Surrender to the pain and the suffering.

Even though everything seemed to be under control, his inner balance had tipped over. He knew what he had to do.

“Set course for Tatoonie, R4.” Obi-Wan said and strapped into the ship. The little astro droid beeped. With a sigh Obi-Wan pushed the lever to jump into hyperspace.

Heat. Dust. Poverty.

Tatoonie hadn’t changed a bit since the last time he had set foot on it. Back in the day, as a younger man, he had looked down on the people here. Growing up on Coruscant, between the great pillars of wisdom, enclosed in the feeling of significance, being a member of the Order, had made him more arrogant than he was willing to admit. But a planet like this had produced a man as unique as Anakin, who had owned the potential to change the whole galaxy. Who had been undoubtedly the Chosen One.

A little boy. Born to a single slave woman. A slave woman laying in the sand grave in front of him.

“We never met in person. But I have watched over your son.” He tried to say. Why he had prepared a monologue to speak to a grave, he didn’t know. Ashamed he slid down, kneeling in the dust. He let his fingers run through the sand, feeling the residual warmth from the twin suns. “I’m sorry, Shmi.” He looked up again. “I’m sorry. For failing your son - and you. ” He repeated while his eyes got blurry.

It was his ignorance that had led to her death. Anakin had spoken of his visions repeatedly, and being faithful to the Jedi Code, Obi-Wan had dismissed him entirely. Maybe things would have been different if he had listened. If Anakin had made it in time..

“I’m sorry for all the pain you had to go through. All the pain we caused your son.”

And then the words poured out of him. All the things he couldn’t talk about. In some way he felt like he was talking to his own mother, who he had never known. Never had missed before. Somehow now he felt all of it…

“You put your trust in us. To take care of him. To give him a better future. All we could offer were restrictions and then… war. How can I ask for your forgiveness? How can I ask him to forgive me? I know it doesn’t matter now… but he’s like my brother. I love him like a brother. Even though I shouldn’t. Shmi.” He took a look around, the cold of the desert surrounded him. His breath a breath barely visible in the remainder of the two sunsets.

“I had to save him!” he exhaled shakily. “I know I’m in no position to ask you of this. But I can’t continue like this. Please. Let me leave it all here with you. Where everything started. Please just take it all away… accept my apology and let me bury my pain here.” He gazed around and let the desert cold numb his lungs. Every inhale hurt and felt easier too.

“Could you do that for me? Could you forgive for what I have done-?”

The Eopie in the back made a startled noise.

“Who’s there?!” a man’s voice called in the distance. Obi-Wan could hear a rifle being charged.

“Don’t shoot.” Obi-Wan said and rose.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?” a bearded man approached Obi-Wan with a little lantern in hand.

“I’m... I was about to return to Mos Eisley when darkness surprised me.”

“Nothing much to surprise there. The suns always set at the same time every day.” The man looked gruffy but Obi-Wan sensed his hostility decrease.

“I’ll be on my way.”

“You better wait till sunrise. The sand people will get to you..”

Obi-Wan looked around, contemplating. He could handle the sand people if necessary. Although the idea of coming here and leaving even more death behind worried him.

“C’mon, I think we have a spare room for tonight. I’m Owen. Owen Lars.” Obi-Wan didn’t miss out on how Owen had looked him up and down several times before speaking his offer.

“Thank you.”

“And you are?”

“Ben.” Owen raised one eyebrow. “Just Ben.” Obi-Wan said.

“Alright, Just Ben. Let’s get inside.” He turned on the spot and made his way back.

After getting introduced to his girlfriend Beru, they showed him the room for the night. It was a empty nursery with a single sleeper in the back. On his surprised expression Owen spoke up.

“She always wanted to have children. We hope it happens soon..” he said, realizing he was sharing too much information with a stranger and ending his sentence with clearing his throat.

“Thank you. There isn’t much I can offer in return for your hospitality.”

“It’s alright. Just try not to flaunt that light saber of yours inside. I’m not a big fan of the Jedi.”

Surprised, Obi-Wan stiffened. Again that night Owen had the ability to take him off guard.

“Let’s go. Dinner’s ready.” Owen took a hold on his shoulder and tugged him along.

When he returned to the Jedi Temple something seemed strange. There was a slight tingle in the force that made him uneasy. It didn’t take him long to realize that Anakin was the reason. Anakin always was the reason.

The force. Sometimes it felt Obi-Wan was one with it, submerged in its depths. And sometimes it felt like a raging storm against him, ruining everything.

Did it have anything to do with him putting his feelings to rest in the sand dunes of Tatoonie? Or how could it be that the second he closes that chapter, Anakin starts having visions again? And what kind of visions.. Of Padmé, of course! How couldn’t it be?

He did what he had to do. He informed the Council. As if no time had passed, they were again debating Anakin’s fate. Again. Months gone by and they now realized that Anakin wasn’t an asset waiting to be used again. He was a ticking time bomb.

“To Kamino he will go. Overlook the clone program he will.”

“And conveniently being guarded by thousands of them?” Obi-Wan asked sarcastically.

“I’m sure you remember the alternatives, Master Obi-Wan. “ Windu said with an icy gaze.

Silence filled the chamber again.

“And you, to Naboo you will go.” Yoda continued, pointing at Obi-Wan with his crooked finger.

“No, Master Yoda. I can’t do it.” Involuntary he shook his head.

“Obi-Wan..”

“Send somebody else. She won’t let me in anyway.. “

“Obi-Wan!” Plo Koon silenced him for good. “Have faith in the force. After all, it has guided us here.”

There was plenty room for discussion about that but Obi-Wan didn’t see any sense in doing so. The Council wouldn’t listen anyway.

“You will make sure our agreement stays in place.” Windu said.

“See you, she will. The Force is with you.” Yoda said and dismissed the meeting.

Obi-Wan could only watch. How was the fate of so many people decided by such few? Had it always been this way? Were they always confident of their choices? Sterile of any consideration of other people’s feelings?

“How are you doing my friend?”

Anakin’s blue holograph was sitting on the desk in front of him.

“Same old, Master.”

“How are you getting along with the clones? Surely Rex must have taken good care of you.. “

“They all look the same to me. I have a difficult time telling them apart.. “ Anakin said lazily, looking to something on the side.

Seems like some things were endless. The universe and the pain Obi-Wan had to suffer.

“You and Rex were good friends, there are plenty of stories he could tell you…the same way Cody and I were good friends. At least until they tried to kill us all… “

“Yeah, I’m not too eager to befriend our programmed enemies..” Anakin said.

“Anakin, for the hundredth time. It wasn’t… “

“… their fault. I know, Master.”

Obi-Wan sighed.

“Somehow I feel not much has changed for me. Guarding the archives and now… guarding the clones. It’s just a different location.”

“Anakin, Clones are people. Not goods…”

Anakin looked away. “Whatever.”

They did talk about other things and ended their call.

Obi Wan realized that they not only had erased Anakin’s memory but also a part of who he was. His compassion and humanity. Characteristics that had flourished in the Clone Wars. Left was the husk of a man he had watched grow up.

“She won’t see you.”

“I expected as much. However I have an important message to deliver.”

“I hope you’re a patient man, no matter how important your message is… she doesn’t want to see you.”

Obi-Wan nodded and made his way back to the docking bay.

“I will be staying close by. Whenever you give me the word I’ll be there. Just tell her I won’t leave Naboo before I have talked to her.”

There weren’t many places to stay for a traveler in the Lake Country. It was either the scarce and luxurious mansions of the Nubian elite or untouched nature. For a moment he considered visiting the Gungans but decided against it.

Although far away, Theed it was then. He travelled back and forth to Padmé’s estate every other day only to see a annoyed Sabé that shook her head.

After two weeks, Obi-Wan had the feeling he was running out of time. He would prove himself right.

“Sabé, tell Padmé I have news related to her children. It cannot wait any longer.”

Sabé left and came back nodding shortly. Obi-Wan followed her to the private chambers of the mansion.

There she was. She looked rather swollen and flustered.

“You have some nerve to come here.” She said between heavy breaths.

“Believe me, I do not enjoy tormenting you with my presence. However the Council.. “

“I don’t care what the Council has to say!” she hissed through her teeth. Obi-Wan wondered how much time they had before she needed to see a medical droid. From the looks of it they didn’t have long.

“- I came to remind you of our agreement.”

“Do I look like I did suffer from memory loss? And how dare you call it an agreement?” Padmé hissed, turning away from him.

“Padmé, nobody can know who the father is. It is crucial.”

Padmé scrunched down in pain.

“Leave me alone…”

“Not even in your weakest moment. Not even to your confidante. No one can know. Otherwise the children will be taken to the Temple to be trained.”

“Obi-Wan, leave.”

He felt like she didn’t understand what he was trying to convey here. But who could blame her. Padmé never was a woman who would simply accept.

“The force responded when you called out to him. You can’t do that.”

“I never did.”

“But you will.”

Padmé just realized what all of this was about. Premonitions. Again.

“Leave!” she screamed. Sabé burst through the door.

“What is going on here? What did you do?” she knelt down next to Padmé who seemed to recover from a contraction. “We have to get to the medical center. Now!”

People busted in and Padmé was taken away.

“If something happens to her or the children I will hunt you down.” Sabé said and pointed her index finger right in between Obi-Wans eyes. ”Do not think your Jedi powers would keep you safe. I will bring you to justice.” She hissed then hurried after the entourage of people.

Although Padmé did not want to hear what Obi-Wan had to say, she did hear. And after hours of enduring pain, again and again, she felt her self-control diminish. In that moment, overwhelmed by pain, she only wanted to call the one that could have made this less terrible. Who should have been by her side. Holding her hand. Telling her she could do this. That she was strong. That he was proud of her.

Anakin.

“I want to be alone.” She said in between contractions. She could feel they were reaching the end. And her self control was fleeting.

“You don’t know what you’re saying.” Sabé said who was holding her hand.

“Just the droids. The rest. Go.” She panted before another wave of pain muted her.

“It would be best to respect the patients wish.” one of the medical droids said. Sabé looked around the room, and behind the window where Padmé’s entourage was waiting.

“Fine.”

The former queen hadn’t shed a single tear up to this point, had kept her composure as much as she could. After all she was trained to stay focused in times of trouble.

She cursed the Council not only for their crimes but for putting her in this isolation. Now, in this sterile solitude, she couldn’t hold back anymore. It wasn’t helping at all, in this situation where birthing her children required her to be strong. But the sorrow of the last months poured out of her until she lost consciousness.

The medical droids acted quickly. The physical pain brought her back.

Anakin! Anakin! Help me!

Maybe she was screaming. Or maybe she only did so in her mind.

She saw her twins. First Luke. Then Leia.

She was relieved to have seen them well and alive, as she was slipping back into unconsciousness. It was a dark bottomless pit that dragged her down, deeper and deeper to a place she knew she could not return from. Until it suffocated her and eased her pain. Before letting go for good she wanted to remember one last thing.  Anakin. He would have been full of joy to see his children. To finally have a family on his own.

But instead of his face she saw her twins who smiled at her, holding their arms out in anticipation. And she smiled back.

She knew her tragic love for Anakin would be the end for her. But she realized.. If she had ever loved Anakin she couldn’t let go now, not when his children needed her. Not when their love prevailed through them.

Somehow Anakin had saved her from dying that day. Their love creating the most beautiful thing Padmé ever had known in her life.

Their children.