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“This looks nice, doesn’t it?” Taehyung mumbled, more to himself than Jeongguk. His son was interested in a lot of things but none of them were related to interior design quite yet. He did however like to touch different textures so he was content with letting his fingers run over different throw pillows while Taehyung looked at the actual furniture in this room. In his life pre-fatherhood, he had spent quite a lot of time at IKEA just browsing around and finding new furniture items to put on his wishlist.
Now with Jeongguk in tow, he didn’t have time to do it quite as often and Jeongguk didn’t do well in big public spaces like this when he had a bad day, so really it was easier to just look things up online. It was a shame but Taehyung much preferred a day without meltdowns over the chance to look at furniture.
“I can’t say we have room for a shelf like this right now but-” Taehyung jumped when there was a loud yell in the next showroom. He turned his head to see what the fuss was about and realised the voice was from a mother reprimanding her daughter for trying to climb a bookshelf like a tree. The scene made Taehyung’s lips quirk into a smile. This was something Jeongguk would do as well.
He turned to make sure Jeongguk wasn’t upset at the loud voices, only to feel his heart drop in his chest. Jeongguk wasn’t on the couch anymore. Jeongguk wasn’t anywhere in sight. He had just been here a second ago, hadn’t he? He walked closer to the sofa, hoping that his son was just hiding behind it but the showroom was empty. This couldn’t be happening. Jeongguk had shoes that made noise when he walked for fuck’s sake, there was no way he could’ve run off without Taehyung noticing. Right?
What if he hadn’t run off? What if a stranger just grabbed him?
Trying to squash the panic, Taehyung took a deep breath. Jeongguk would’ve screamed if someone just took him. He probably just wandered off. He had to be around here somewhere. He took another deep breath and focused on the sounds around him, listening for the squeaky sounds of his toddler’s shoes. But his blood was pumping too loud in his ears and the people around him were talking and walking and breathing too loud for him to hear anything.
He should ask a staff member for help. He knew that. But he really, really didn’t want to. Just the thought of it made his stomach twist. He checked the time and promised himself that if he didn’t find Jeongguk within the next thirty minutes he’d get help. Thirty minutes. He could do this. He had to.
***
Jimin did not come to IKEA to accidentally fall asleep on the first couch he tried out. He told himself as much as he felt his limbs relax and yet he closed his eyes anyway. Just for a quick moment. He had underestimated how exhausted he was and Namjoon was being nice and quiet in his baby sling, so really would it hurt just to rest for a minute or two?
He might’ve actually fallen asleep if he hadn’t been startled by some squeaky sound getting louder and louder. He opened his eyes just as the sofa dipped next to him and he came face to face with a toddler.
“Oh, hello there,” Jimin said surprised. The boy must’ve been around three years old and he gave Jimin a big toothy grin as he jumped up and down on the cushion, his sneakers lighting up as he did. “Ah, ah, careful, you’ll fall.” he lifted an arm and let it hover close to the toddler’s shoulder just so he could catch him if he did try to jump some more. When the boy actually listened to him and ran his fingers over the velvet of the couch, Jimin checked his surroundings. He was looking for anyone that could be this boy’s parent but no one seemed to pay them any mind.
“Hey, baby, where’s your parent?” he asked softly.
The boy wobbled on the cushion, his hand grabbing for Jimin’s shoulder to steady himself. “Baby,” he replied and pointed to Namjoon, who was strapped to Jimin’s chest.
Jimin smiled. “Yeah, that’s my son, Namjoon. He’s still a baby.” The boy’s head dipped forward until his nose was buried in Jimin’s shirt. He could hear him sniff loudly. “Do I smell good?” The boy giggled and as he shifted a little, Jimin noticed the tag of his white sweater sticking out at the back of his neck. It looked like someone had written on it with sharpie. Craning his neck, Jimin could make out a name. “Is your name Jeongguk? Hm? Are you here with your Eomma or Appa?”
With wide eyes, Jeongguk stared at him. “Appa,” he said after a moment. Once again, Jimin looked around, trying to see if he could find Jeongguk’s parents but no one stood out to him. Maybe his father hadn’t noticed he was gone, yet? Jimin’s heart skipped a beat at the thought of how panicked the parent would be when they wouldn’t find Jeongguk.
“Okay, let’s go find him.” With a quiet grunt, Jimin heaved himself off the couch and reached his hand out to Jeongguk who grabbed it immediately. What a sweet boy. “Where did you last see your Appa? Can you point me in that direction?”
“Point,” Jeongguk repeated eagerly and jumped off the couch, pulling Jimin along with him as he started walking.
Jimin let himself be guided through the shortcut from the living room area to the children’s area. Only when Jeongguk headed straight for the plushies, Jimin realised his mistake. Jeongguk hadn’t had his Appa on his mind after all. Well, damn.
Standing on his tiptoes, Jeongguk dug his fingers into a blue shark, trying to pull it out of the container. When it didn’t budge, he looked at Jimin.
“This is a very nice shark,” Jimin said slowly. “But we said, we’d find your Appa, yes? He must be worried.”
Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrowed and he glared at Jimin stubbornly. “Shark!”
“Yes, I hear you, but-”
“Jeongguk-ah!”
***
Taehyung was still shaking as he hugged Jeongguk tightly to his chest. He was safe. He was safe. He was safe.
He was so thankful that even as his brain had panicked over the possibility of Jeongguk just being gone forever, he had remembered his promise to Jeongguk from this morning. Appa is going to look at furniture and Jeongguk can get a plushie, he had said, knowing that Jeongguk never missed an opportunity to add to his plushie collection.
Jeongguk had just wandered off to cash in his reward early.
“You can’t just run off like that, Jeongguk-ah. Appa was very worried,” he said quietly, his voice shaky.
“I’m sorry, I asked him to show me where you were but, uh, the shark had priority it seems.” Only now did Taehyung look up at the man Jeongguk had been with. He had a round face, a baby strapped to his chest and sweater paws. And he looked vaguely familiar.
“I feel like we’ve met,” Taehyung said as he got up from where he was kneeling, one hand grabbing onto the back of Jeongguk’s sweater just to be sure.
The man’s face lit up with recognition. “Yes, you’re Taehyung, right? I’m Jimin. We used to talk a lot but then-”
“I ghosted you,” Taehyung finished, his eyebrows pulling together. “I believe Seokjin hyung was convinced we were a match made in heaven.”
“Yeah…” Jimin watched him curiously as if trying to see why Seokjin had been so adamant about setting them up. They had met once before but Jimin hadn’t lived in Seoul then but they had spent months messaging each other back and forth getting to know each other. They had planned on meeting up again and going on a proper date but then… well, Taehyung had ghosted Jimin. “Are you hungry? I think I need something in my stomach after this.”
Jeongguk looked at Taehyung with big eyes and put his hands to his stomach, signing the word ‘hungry’ in sign language. Taehyung sighed. “Alright, yeah, let’s do that.” The restaurant was right around the corner and since he got to hold his new shark plushie, Jeongguk happily let himself get carried there.
“You guys can go find us a table and I’ll get the food,” Jimin said with a smile. “What would you like?”
Taehyung’s eyes darted from Jimin’s face to the sleeping baby he was carrying. “Oh, no that’s okay, we can-”
“I’ll get the food, you get the table,” Jimin repeated, leaving no room for Taehyung to argue any further. “Meatballs?”
“Yeah,” Taehyung breathed and nodded. As Jimin walked away, Taehyung realised that his heart was still beating rapidly in his chest. Maybe he was really better off sitting down and waiting at a table.
He found them a nice table near the tall windows and sat down with Jeongguk on his lap. He allowed himself to feel the remnants of his panic wash over him as he leaned his cheek against the top of Jeongguk’s head. This was not how he wanted their little trip to IKEA to go. He was feeling utterly drained but if he was honest, if it hadn’t been for Jimin’s presence distracting him he might’ve had a meltdown in the plushie section.
“Here you go,” Jimin said quietly as he placed a tray in front of Taehyung and Jeongguk. “I figured you two would share.”
If he was honest, Taehyung didn’t really feel like eating anything but he still smiled at Jimin in thanks. Jimin himself had a tray with the meatball dish and a piece of chocolate cake in front of him. Next to the table stood the little cart you could put multiple trays on.
Jeongguk wiggled in his lap until Taehyung placed the shark on the chair next to them and handed his son the chopstick for kids that Jimin had brought them. He was fully aware that Jeongguk’s white sweater was about to be ruined but that was his fault for trying to dress his son well.
Jimin watched them with an amused look on his face. “I gotta ask,” he said as Jeongguk successfully manoeuvred the first meatball into his mouth, chewing on it noisily. “When we were talking… were you already raising Jeongguk?”
“Yes,” Taehyung replied. There was no point in lying about it. “Back then you were one of the only people who didn’t know and I… I think I just wanted to have one person who didn’t see me as the sad single dad with a newborn son.”
With a sigh, Jimin nodded, one hand absentmindedly cupping his baby’s back. “I understand that.” He let out a quiet laugh. “Well, actually I can’t be sure I would’ve understood back then but I definitely do now.”
Taehyung ducked his head. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry for ghosting you. Jeongguk got very sick and I just… Yeah, it wasn’t okay.”
“It really hurt,” Jimin replied. “But if that hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have ended up with an idiot and well Namjoon wouldn’t exist, so…” He smiled and pressed a kiss to his baby’s head. “I try to see things positive these days.”
“Still, I’m sorry,” he mumbled and wiped some sauce off Jeongguk’s cheek. “How’s the food? Is it yummy?”
Jeongguk nodded enthusiastically. “Yummy.”
“He repeats words a lot, doesn’t he?” Jimin asked, only now realising he hadn’t started eating yet.
Taehyung hummed. “It’s called echolalia. He’s autistic like me but he’s not very verbal. He only recently started speaking and he mainly repeats words. But he also knows some sign language.”
Jimin smiled and his nose scrunched up as he did. “What a smart boy. You raise him well.”
I try, Taehyung wanted to say but instead, he just smiled.
***
After their fateful meeting at IKEA, they started talking again. It only took them a few days to fall back into their old rhythm, their old dynamic. And yet, they never specified what it meant for them. Taehyung was just as sincere as he had been the first time around but Jimin couldn’t tell his intentions. He didn’t know whether Taehyung was simply sincere in general or whether he was sincere because of their romantic possibility. That was just the thing. Jimin didn’t know if there was a romantic possibility for Taehyung and he was too afraid to ask.
He slid back into his affection for Taehyung as seamlessly as he picked up chopsticks to eat. He didn’t think about it, he just did. And a big part of him hoped it was the same for Taehyung.
Apart from the whole romance dilemma, it was really nice having someone to talk to who had similar experiences to him. Maybe Taehyung didn’t know what it was like to be a trans dad but he knew more about it than Jimin’s friends from the Mommy group he had been part of. Also, his kid was older than Namjoon so he already went through Jimin’s struggles and could offer advice or help whenever he needed it.
This was how Jimin found himself in front of Taehyung’s door on a Saturday afternoon, juggling a bag full of baby things and of course, Namjoon. Taehyung opened the door with Jeongguk by his side flapping his hands in excitement. “Hi, there.”
“Hi,” Jimin smiled. “Sorry for just inviting myself-”
“You did not,” Taehyung interrupted and ushered him inside. “You asked and I invited you. I did not feel pressured at all.”
Jimin nodded. “I just- He hasn’t slept very much in the last few days and I feel the need to be around someone who won’t just cry at me.”
“Well then I recommend not trying to feed Jeongguk broccoli,” Taehyung replied with a grin, gently taking Namjoon. He was almost six months now and got cuter by the minute.
“Oh yeah, broccoli, yucky.”
“Yucky!” Jeongguk repeated enthusiastically, hopping up and down. His dark hair was so long now that it was tied in two ponytails.
Taehyung laughed and carried Namjoon over to the kitchen. “Do you wanna hang with Jeongguk a little while I entertain Namjoon? He was going to build the biggest lego house imaginable, I believe?” He smiled at his son who nodded and hurried back to where they had just emptied his big container of legos.
“That sounds so fun!” Jimin sat down next to Jeongguk and watched him go through the different lego pieces. “Can I help you?”
Jeongguk grunted, showed him the piece he was holding and signed something with the other hand. When Jimin only looked at him questioning, he put down the piece and picked up another. After a moment, Jimin realised he wanted to separate the pieces by colour. “Oh, okay, I’ll make piles and you build.”
They worked quietly like that for what felt like a long while. It was so relaxing to watch Jeongguk be focused on his task at hand. Every once in a while he could hear Namjoon fuss but when he looked over Taehyung was doing his chores and talking quietly to the baby. Jimin wondered if he had been that relaxed when Jeongguk was a baby. Or whether he could afford to be relaxed now that he had experience. Probably the latter.
***
It took Taehyung a bit to realise Jimin had fallen asleep on his couch. He hadn’t even noticed him getting up from the floor to sit down more comfortably. He did however notice when Jeongguk complained about Jimin dozing on his favourite pillow.
“Come on, let’s figure it out, the couch is big enough.” Taehyung helped Jeongguk curl up on one end of the couch, gently pulling out Jeongguk’s pillow from behind Jimin’s back. While Jeongguk got comfortable, he spread a blanket over Jimin. He had told Taehyung that Namjoon hadn’t been sleeping well which meant Jimin hadn’t slept either. He deserved all the sleep he could get while Namjoon was still entertained by Taehyung’s antics.
Taehyung didn’t really miss having a small baby. Sure, Namjoon was absolutely adorable, but taking care of a baby had a lot to do with instincts. Instincts that Taehyung wasn’t sure he had. How was he supposed to just feel what his son needed? He was pretty sure back then that Taehyung cried more than Jeongguk did. Now, it was much easier. Yes, Jeongguk did not communicate his needs as allistic kids did but Taehyung never did either. He thought they were quite a good team now.
“You know, you talk a lot,” Taehyung said to Namjoon who was lying on his back in the middle of his bed, while Taehyung went through his closet. He decided five minutes ago that now was the perfect time to get rid of some clothes he didn’t wear anymore.
Namjoon only continued babbling in response.
Taehyung hummed. “You have a lot to say, I get that.” He reached out to poke Namjoon’s belly. “But if you wanna keep up with Jeongguk, you’re gonna have to learn sign language as well.” He paused, realising what he just said. He didn’t know whether Namjoon and Jeongguk would continue to grow up with each other but the thought made him smile. Namjoon was too little for Jeongguk to play with at the moment but… He could imagine Jeongguk showing his favourite toys to Namjoon or sharing his favourite snacks - though he might end up sorting the snack by size or colour first.
He was halfway through his shirts when he heard Jimin cursing in the living room. “You good?” he asked and peeked over to the couch where Jimin was rubbing his eyes. Somehow Jeongguk had ended up falling asleep against Jimin who was trying very hard not to jostle the boy.
Jimin blinked sleepily at him. “I fell asleep. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” Taehyung went to pick up Namjoon and joined Jimin on the couch. “You really needed a power nap.”
Laughing, Jimin nodded. “Yeah, I did.” He shifted into a more upright position, making sure that Jeongguk didn’t wake up. When he turned back to Taehyung, they were sitting much closer than before. “Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome.” Taehyung reached out to fix Jimin’s necklace which had gotten tangled during his nap. “You’re always welcome to come over, you know? We like the company.”
“Yeah…,” Jimin mumbled absentmindedly. “Hey, if you hadn’t ghosted me, do you think you would’ve ever taken me on that date you promised?”
Taehyung barely suppressed a laugh. “Absolutely. I stole owe you that date.”
“Ah.” Jimin swallowed, his eyes darting between Taehyung’s eyes and lips. “I’d say you owe me a lot more but…”
“Yeah?” He leaned in further, raising his eyebrows. “For example?”
For a moment, Taehyung thought Jimin was going to tease him right back, but Jimin reached out to touch Taehyung’s jaw. “You better kiss me right now before our sons can interrupt this perfect opportunity.”
Taehyung didn’t need to be told twice. Keeping Namjoon firmly in his lap with one arm, he cupped Jimin’s face with his free hand and pressed their lips together. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest but they only got ten seconds of bliss before Taehyung needed to pull away. Namjoon had started digging his fingers into Taehyung’s neck.
“We need to cut his fingernails,” he said through gritted teeth, handing the baby to Jimin. “God, are you raising Edward Scissorhands? I think he almost ripped my throat open.”
Jimin rolled his eyes and gave him a quick peck, before getting up. “I will kiss your boo-boo later if you point me to your nail clippers.”
“Perfect, follow me.”