Chapter Text
“Is this bunk taken?”
“Sejanus!” Coriolanus twisted around on bed, eyes flying open and staring at Sejanus for a long second before bursting out.
The man staring back at those deep blue eyes. Almost drowning in them. Sejanus often felt himself getting lost in Coriolanus Snow’s eyes whenever he had a chance to look at them for more than a second. And now as he stood in the barracks, in district twelve and looked at Coriolanus Snow he remembered the first time he saw those same ocean eyes. He recalls meeting those blue doe eyes from across the playground ten years ago when the blonde boy was staring at him. The golden curls falling on the boy’s face, framing it and making his huge eyes even bigger. He watched as his classmates Livia Cardew and Festus Creed cornered little shy Sejanus and called him names, made fun of him for being district born. The girl that stood next to Coriolanus was frowning as she also watched her two friends laughing at Sejanus. She then flipped her long dark hair over her shoulder and said something to Coriolanus, making the boy turn his eyes away from Sejanus. Later on he found out that the pretty girl was Clemensia Dovecote. She was one of Coriolanus best friends and they always stuck together. As years passed the two still remained friends and Sejanus often saw them together. But just like Coriolanus, she never bullied him or did anything to harm him and Sejanus appreciated that.
Sejanus watched Coriolanus jump out of his bunk bed and straighten his posture. Before he could even realize what was happening, Coriolanus threw his arms around him, bringing Sejanus in a hug. Surprised Sejanus embraced the blonde man too, wrapping his arms around his smaller frame.
“This is a surprisingly warm welcome for the person who almost destroyed you!" Sejanus laughed, making the other snort too.
"No, no, quite the opposite." Coriolanus released Sejanus and examined him. He watched the blonde run his eyes up and down his body a few times. Sure he looked different from the last time Coriolanus had seen him. Dark circles shadowed his eyes and he lost some weight too. All thanks to the nerves and stress the 10th hunger games caused. "What are you doing here?"
"Hm. Let's see. Having defied the Capitol by entering the arena, I, too, was on the verge of expulsion. My father went before the board and said he'd pay for a new gymnasium for the Academy if they would let me graduate and sign up for the Peacekeepers. They agreed, but I said I wouldn't take the deal unless they'd let you graduate, too. Well, Professor Sickle really wanted a new gym, and she said what did it matter if we were both tied up for the next twenty years anyway?" Sejanus answered, setting his duffel bag on the floor and taking out a box full of his personal belongings.
"I got to graduate?" disbelief loud and clear in Coriolanus’ voice.
Sejanus opened the box, removed a small leather folder with the school's emblem, and held it out with great ceremony. "Congratulations. You are no longer a dropout."
Coriolanus flipped open the cover and found a diploma with his name inscribed in curlicues. Sejanus watched with a small smile playing on his lips as Coriolanus’ eyes lit up seeing the diploma.
"Thank you. I guess it's stupid, but it still matters to me."
"You know, if you ever wanted to take the officer candidate test, it might matter. You need to have graduated secondary school. Dean Highbottom brought that up as something that should be denied you. He said you broke some rule in the Games to help Lucy Gray? Anyway, he got outvoted." Sejanus chuckled. "He's really wearing on people."
"So I'm not universally reviled?" the blonde man asked.
"For what? Falling in love?” Sejanus would be lying if he said that those words didn't taste bitter on his tongue. The thought that Coriolanus was in love with Lucy Gray sent a pang through his chest, but he pretended like everything was completely fine. Like that fact didn't hurt him at all. Just like when he saw Lucy Gray kiss Coriolanus or when he thought about how Coriolanus would never like him in that way. He hid this pain quite well. It was the only pain Sejanus knew how to hide. “I think more people pity you. A lot of romantics among our teachers come to find out. And Lucy Gray made quite a good impression." he added.
Coriolanus grabbed his arm. The touch sent a wave of electricity through Sejanus’ body. “Where is she? Do you know what happened to her?"
Of course Coriolanus would ask about her. Sejanus shook his head. "They usually send the victors back to their districts, don't they?"
"I'm afraid they've done something worse to her. Because we cheated in the Games.” Coriolanus confessed. "I tampered with the snakes so they wouldn't bite her. But all she did was use rat poison."
Now it all made sense to Sejanus. He hummed and leaned on the bunk beds for support. "So that was it. Well, I haven't heard anything about that. Or about her being punished." he reassured Coriolanus. "The truth is, she's so talented, they'll probably want to bring her back next year."
Sejanus wasn't lying. The girl was indeed talented. And she was also pretty. People in the Capitol loved her. Sejanus liked her too. She was a lovely and kind girl. Perfect for Coriolanus. Sejanus knew she was just right for him. And he was happy for them even if his heart ached. He tried his hardest to still be happy for Coryo.
"I thought of that, too. Maybe Highbottom was right about her being sent home." Coriolanus sat on the bottom bunk bed and stared down at his diploma. ”You know, when you came in, I was weighing the merits of suicide."
Sejanus’ knees almost gave up on him at the thought of losing Coriolanus. Thankfully he was leaning on the bunk beds and they kept him stable as he looked down at the blonde. His golden locks were long gone, so he could see his face better now. Coriolanus' serious expression gave out that he was not joking. Well, obviously he wasn't. Coriolanus never joked like that. Or maybe he did now after spending some time in district twelve? Maybe this place changed him a bit. Like that unexpected hug when Sejanus walked in. This thought left Sejanus not completely sure if Coriolanus was serious. However, the words that left Coriolanus' mouth still felt like a stab with the sharpest knife to Sejanus’ heart.
“What? Now? When you’re finally free from the clutches of Dean Highbottom and the evil Dr. Gaul? When the girl of your dreams is in reach? When my Ma is, at this moment, packing a box the size of a truck full of baked goods for you?” Sejanus shook his head in disbelief. “My friend, your life has just begun!”
Blonde man laughed. His contagious laughter spread throughout the room and soon Sejanus was laughing together with him.
“So this isn’t our ruin?”
“I’d call it our salvation. Mine anyway. Oh, Coryo, if you only knew how glad I was to escape.” Sejanus sighed, running his hand through his fresh buzz cut, still not used to the absence of his precious curls. The smile left his face as a somber expression overtook his features. “I never liked the Capitol, but after the Hunger Games, after what happened to Marcus… I don’t know if you were kidding about suicide, but it was no joke to me. I had the whole thing worked out…”
“No. No, Sejanus.” Coriolanus shook his head. “Let’s not give them the satisfaction.”
Sejanus thought that for a moment he heard concern in the blonde man’s voice. But maybe it was just his ears playing tricks on him now that he was finally seeing Coriolanus after a long time. Sejanus pushed all the thoughts to the back of his mind and nodded. “My father says it won’t be better here. I’ll still be a Capitol boy as far as the districts are concerned. But I don’t care. Anything would have to be an improvement. What’s it like?”
Coriolanus leaned back on the bunk bed, supporting his weight with his hands and looking up at Sejanus.
“We’re either marching or mopping. It’s mind numbing.”
“Good. My mind could stand a little numbing. I’ve been trapped in these endless debates with my father. At the moment, I don’t want to have a serious discussion about anything.” Sejanus said. And it was true. He was sick and tired of all the arguments he had with his father since what happened at the games. He couldn’t stand thinking about the Capitol either, it made him want to throw up. Being away from all that, Sejanus felt like being let out to freedom from a golden cage that was trapping him for years. He could finally be free and breathe with ease there in district twelve. There, with Coriolanus by his side.
“Then you’ll love our roommates.” Coriolanus mumbled.
“I’m planning to build a whole new beautiful life here. One where, in my own small way, I can make the world a better place.” New life with you, Sejanus wanted to add, but didn’t let those words leave his mouth. It was not the right thing to say.
“That’s going to take some work.” said Coriolanus. “I don’t know what ever possessed me to ask for Twelve.”
“Completely random, obviously.” Sejanus teased with a little chuckle.
He saw Coriolanus' cheeks turn the softest shade of pink. The sight pulled a small smile on his face. Even if the reason for the blush wasn’t Sejanus, he still loved how beautiful the blonde man looked with red dusting his cheeks.
“I don’t even know how to find her. Or if she’ll still be interested in me, now that so much has changed.”
“You’re kidding, right? She’s head over heels in love with you!” Sejanus rolled his eyes not believing Coriolanus’ words. The man sounded stupid, really. How on earth would she stop being interested in him? In the Coriolanus Snow? She should be insane in that case and as far as Sejanus was concerned she was very sane. “And don’t worry, we’ll find her.”
Blonde nodded and shot up from the bunk bed.
“Let me help you unpack.”
Sejanus agreed with a smile and grabbed his duffel bag from the floor, tossing it onto the bunk bed where Coriolanus sat just a few seconds ago. “It’s not taken right?”
“No, it’s not.” Coriolanus shook his head with a laugh.
The two unpacked and made Sejanus’ bed as he filled Coriolanus in on the latest Capitol news.
“By the next morning, there was no mention of it. When I went into the Academy for my review, I heard some of the faculty talking about what a mistake it’d been to involve the students, so I think that was a one-off. But I wouldn’t be surprised if we see Lucky Flickerman back again next year, or the post office open for gifts and betting.” Sejanus said as he folded his t-shirt and put it in a tiny drawer of an equally tiny dresser that stood next to the bunk bed.
“Our legacy.” Coriolanus mumbled.
“So it seems.” Sejanus nodded. “Satyria told Professor Sickle that Dr. Gaul is determined to keep it going somehow. A part of her eternal war, I guess. Instead of battles, we have The Hunger Games.”
“Yes, to punish the districts and remind us what beasts we are.” remarked Coriolanus, focused on lining up Sejanus’s folded socks in the locker.
“What?” Sejanus asked, giving him a funny look.
“I don’t know,” Coriolanus shrugged. “It’s like . . . you know how she’s always torturing that rabbit or melting the flesh off something?”
“Like she enjoys it?” Sejanus inquired.
“Exactly. I think that’s how she thinks we all are. Natural-born killers. Inherently violent. The Hunger Games are a reminder of what monsters we are and how we need the Capitol to keep us from chaos.”
“So, not only is the world a brutal place, but people enjoy its brutality? Like the essay on everything we loved about the war. As if it had been some big show.” Sejanus frowned. Dr. Gaul was a really sick woman. He was glad he won’t have to see her anymore. Sejanus then shook his head. “So much for not thinking.”
“Forget it. Let’s just be happy that she’s out of our lives.”
Sejanus nodded, glad to finally let the topic go.
Not long after that three men bursted inside the room and greeted Sejanus warmly. Coriolanus introduced them and Sejanus learned that these are his roommates Beanpole, Smiley and Bug. After the introductions and friendly greetings three men expressed their excitement about the following Saturday’s entertainment. Apparently there is going to be a band at the Hob. Sejanus had no idea what the Hob was but trusted Coriolanus to explain it to him later. That and many other things about the district, peacekeepers and how everything worked there.
Sejanus saw Coriolanus practically jump from his seat, asking Smiley what band it was. He could see the excitement in Coriolanus’ eyes just from the mere thought that it could be Lucy Gray’s band.
Smiley shrugged. “Can’t remember. But some girl will be singing. Supposed to be pretty good. Lucy somebody.”
Lucy somebody. At those words Coriolanus grinned so hard it looked like his face was nearly being split in two. He glanced at Sejanus and being the good friend he was, Sejanus grinned back. “Really? Well, that’s something to look forward to.”
After a few minutes of chatting and expressing their excitement over the following Saturday’s entertainment the three roommates rose from the bunk bed they sat on and walked to the door.
“We have to go help out in the kitchen now. You show your friend around, Gent! And don’t be late for dinner.” the guy named Bug said and the three disappeared, shutting the door after them.
“Gent?” Sejanus frowned slightly, facing Coriolanus.
“That’s my nickname here.” the blonde explained. “You didn’t actually think that it’s their real names, did you?” a chuckle then left his lips.
“I mean, I wanted to ask you about why they have such strange names after they left…” Sejanus trailed.
“Everyone gets a nickname here. Soon you will get one too.”
After lights-out Sejanus lied in his bottom bunk bed looking up at the top bunk bed, where Coriolanus was sleeping. He let out a soft sight and pulled the blanket up to cover more of his body. Sejanus was glad to be in district twelve. He could feel that his life there would be better than in the Capitol. Here nobody knew his whole story, how he was district born, how he got into the Capitol, how he was bullied, how he almost got him and Coriolanus killed in the arena. No one knew any of that.
Turned out that with Sejanus, plus another few stragglers from the districts, they had enough recruits to form a full squad of twenty, and they began to train as such. During the training they had to learn the weapon parts as they cleaned and assembled and disassembled their guns until they could do it in their sleep. Then the first day of target practice came. There Sejanus turned out to be a natural marksman and, just as Coriolanus had said, soon earned the nickname Bull’s Eye. He wasn’t very comfortable or happy with it, but accepted it anyway. He needed to fit in there and if having a nickname meant fitting in, he would not complain.
After three days of nothing but training, thursday brought a bright spot. His beloved Ma’s packages arrived, bursting with sugary delights. Sejanus knew his Ma was going to send him sweets as often as possible and that made being in district twelve even easier, because he didn’t have to miss home that much. His Ma’s food made him feel closer to her. Beanpole’s, Smiley’s, and Bug’s faces were something to behold as they watched the unpacking of the cherry tarts, caramel popcorn balls, and frosted chocolate cookies. Sejanus and Coriolanus made them common property in the room, cementing the brotherhood even further.
On Friday morning, a tense mood infused the mess hall, and Smiley told his friends the story he got out of the nurse he met in the clinic. Sejanus was listening to the story with only one ear, not really registering anything from it. Something about a peacekeeper and two district twelve bosses being killed by an explosion in the mines about a month ago. However his attention was caught at the mention of rebels. The investigation had led to some man whose family had been known rebel leaders during the war. Smiley said that he was to be hanged at one that afternoon.
Sejanus glanced at Coriolanus who wasn’t paying much attention to the story and decided to ignore it too. The less he thinks about the Capitol, rebels and deaths the better it would be for him. It’s for his own peace of mind.
“I don’t see how this could involve us.” the blonde man whispered to Sejanus.
“Right, me neither.”
Oh how wrong they were.
During their drill practice, the base commander himself dropped by and observed for a short time. Before leaving, he exchanged a few words with their drill sergeant, who promptly called Sejanus and Coriolanus forward. The two exchanged glances not knowing what to expect. “You two, you’re to go to the hanging this afternoon. Commander wants more bodies there for show, and he’s looking for recruits who can handle the drills. Report to transport at noon in uniform. Just follow orders, you’ll be fine.”
So much for Sejanus to have some peace. He wanted to ignore the thought of death, he had enough after The Hunger Games, but now he will be going to a hanging. He didn’t want to see another person die so soon. The only thought that comforted him was that Coriolanus would be there with him. He wouldn’t have to be alone, he won’t have to witness it all alone.
As the two walked down the halls on their way to report to transport Sejanus wanted to break the silence surrounding them. He wanted to ask Coriolanus how he felt about the hanging. Was he as anxious about it as Sejanus? But he didn’t utter a single word. For some reason he couldn’t even open his mouth. A weird and heavy feeling setting inside his chest.
When they reported for duty, they both were surprised to be issued a gun. “Don’t worry, the major said all we need to do is stand at attention.” another recruit told them after seeing their confusion. Peacekeepers soon were loaded onto the bed of a truck, which rolled out of the base and down a road that ringed district twelve. Sejanus felt the disturbing feeling in his chest slowly spreading all over his body. He felt sick, like he could throw up at any moment.
He glanced at Coriolanus who looked quite calm compared to him. A little nervous, but definitely way calmer than him. Coriolanus’ eyes caught his gaze and he leaned a little closer to Sejanus.
“It’s gonna be okay.” the blonde man mumbled and Sejanus nodded. He really hoped that it would be okay, that it all would pass as quickly as possible and he could be back to the base and run to his bunk bed and fall face flat on it.
The truck reached a large field of hard-packed earth and weeds, ending at a wood. A huge tree stood at the edge of the wood, its branches stretching out like large, knotty arms. A noose dangled from one particularly horizontal appendage. Directly below it, a rough platform with two trap doors had been erected. The sight was already horrifying without the condemned. Sejanus could only try to imagine how much worse it all was going to look in a few minutes with people all around the field and a man on the platform.
Coriolanus’s and Sejanus’s roles were largely decorative at the Capitol’s show. They stood at parade rest in the back row of one of two squads of twenty that flanked the platform. As the sergeant said, they were there just for the show.
In a few minutes the field was filled with people who were forced to come see the hanging. Sejanus’ eyes lingered on their dirty and tired faces. They all seemed to be pulled either from their work in the mines or their homes. Poor people. Sejanus felt his gut twist again. He couldn’t look at all those people. He just couldn’t. He gripped his gun tighter and glanced at Coriolanus again. He caught himself doing it even more often than in the Capitol. He stole quite a lot of glances of Coriolanus during their classes or other events there and he already felt like he was being too obvious. But now he felt himself doing so twice as much as before. He felt himself seeking more of Coriolanus’ comfort here. After all, Coriolanus’ presence was the only thing that calmed Sejanus down at least a little bit.
Sejanus then saw three vehicles slowly driving down the dirty road towards the gallows. From the first one stepped district twelve Mayor Lipp, followed by a middle-aged woman with dyed blonde hair. Probably his wife. And last from the car got out their daughter Mayfair. Sejanus remembers her as the girl Lucy Gray had targeted with the snake on the reaping day. He heard his roommates mention the girl sometimes when they were talking about the mayor.
The family stood at the side of the platform. From the second car emerged the commander and a bunch of officers. The last vehicle, a white peacekeepers’ van, swung open. Two guards jumped out and helped the shackled prisoner out. The tall, lean man was escorted to the platform and up the steps. When they finally reached the top of the platform the man was positioned on one of the two trap doors.
The major yelled an order for attention and both Sejanus’ and Coriolanus’ bodies snapped into position, straightening their backs and gripping their guns tighter. It was Sejanus’ first time witnessing execution in real life. And all he wanted to do was to just close his eyes and cover his ears to not see or hear anything.
Sejanus watched as the whole crown fell silent. Then a peacekeeper read out the list of crimes the condemned had been convicted of including the murder of three men. After that Sejanus saw how the commander gave a nod to the Peacekeepers on the platform. One of the guards offered the condemned a blindfold, which he refused, and then put the noose around his neck. The man stood stoically, staring into the distance as he awaited his end.
As a drumroll began a cry was heard from the front of the crowd. Sejanus turned his gaze to the source and saw a young woman fighting a man that was trying to carry her off. She screamed the condemned man’s name over and over again. Peacekeepers were already flooding her way.
Condemned man snapped his head up and screamed in horror. “Run!” tears falling down his face. “Run, Lil! Run! Ru-!” the man was cut midword by the rope. The crowd gasped as the man dropped down and died.
Sejanus clenched his jaw and stopped breathing for a second. This was too much for him. He wanted to throw up and toss the damn gun as far away from himself as possible. The peacekeeper uniform was suddenly too small for him. He felt like there was a noose around his neck too that suffocated him.
He felt an elbow nudge his side. It was Coriolanus. Sejanus took a deep breath and looked straight ahead of himself, trying to not think about the scene he just saw unfold in front of him. He can’t break down in the middle of a large field filled with district twelve residents while standing on a platform where a dead man hung.
A few seconds of silence passed as everyone stood frozen.
“Run! Run, Lil! Ru-!”
Was Sejanus going crazy? The condemned man’s voice rang all around him. Sejanus whipped his head around and looked at the woods behind himself. From the corner of his eyes he saw Coriolaus do the same.
“Run! Run, Lil! Ru-!”
Sejanus saw a few small black birds in a tree, not giving them too much thought, Sejanus shook his head trying to get rid of the cry, but it didn’t help. He then turned back to face the crowd. He saw the peacekeepers already dragging the woman, Lil, towards their vehicle. She gave one last wail of despair, and the birds picked that up as well, first as a voice and then as part of the arrangement. Human speech had vanished, and what remained was a musical chorus of two lovers exchange.
“Mockingjays.” grumbled a soldier in front of him. “Stinking mutts.”
Then everything happened in a blink of an eye. The peacekeepers shoved the woman in the van. The commander fired at the trees, frightening the birds. More gunshots and screams from peacekeepers for the people to get back to their work. Then in no time they all were going back to the truck to return to the base.
He heard broken bits of Coriolanus’ and major’s conversation about jabberjays and mockingjays but ignored it, not really caring about the stupid birds at that moment. He was lost in his thoughts. The sight of the man hanging dead from the tree replaying in his head. The scream of that woman. Then suddenly Dr. Gaul’s face flashes and a memory of him and Coriolanus in the arena appears too. The tributes chasing them and the near death experience.
“What’s wrong?” a voice next to him pulled Sejanus back to reality.
Sejanus kept his eyes on the woods as the truck started moving. “I really didn't think this through.” It was all he managed to mumble.
“What do you mean?” the blonde frowned, but Sejanus just shook his head and left him without an answer.
That day at dinner Smiley, Beanpole, and Bug asked him and Coriolanus about the hanging. The blonde satisfied their friends’ hunger by telling everything that happened as Sejanus sat there without uttering a word. He kept on pushing his food on the plate with a fork, having lost his appetite after the hanging. He kept replaying the scene and the shouts in his head the whole day. Then he started wondering about what could have possibly happened if the crowd had gotten aggressive back in the field. How would that scenario have ended? Would they have been ordered to shoot those people? Just the thought of it sent terrifying shills down his body. He wouldn’t be able to obey the order. Sejanus was sure of that.
Coriolanus obviously noticed how quiet Sejanus had gotten and how gloomy he looked. He always noticed these things and he always cornered the person he had been watching when they were left alone to interrogate them. So exactly that happened to Sejanus later that night as it was his and Coriolanus' turn to mop the mass hall.
"What's bothering you? And don't say nothing."
Sejanus stopped mopping the floor and looked at the other man. He thought that voicing his concern to Coriolanus wouldn’t be that bad. “I don’t know. I keep wondering what would’ve happened today if the crowd had gotten physical. Would we have had to shoot them?”
“Oh, probably not. Probably just fired a few rounds in the air.” Coriolanus answered but he didn’t look very convinced himself.
“If I’m helping to kill people in the districts, how is it any better than helping to kill them in the Hunger Games?”
There was no difference. Sejanus even started thinking that this was worse than the games. The hanging obviously happens more often here than once a year. What if he will have to go to a hanging again tomorrow? Or what if he is ordered to just shoot some rebel? Yeah, this was definitely not what he imagined.
“What did you think it was going to be? I mean, what did you think you’d signed up for?” Coriolanus asked, leaning on his mop.
“I thought I could be a medic.” Sejanus confessed.
“A medic.” Coriolanus repeated. “Like a doctor?”
“No, that would require university training.” he then explained. “Something more basic. Something where I could help anyone who’d been injured, Capitol or district, when violence breaks out. At least I wouldn’t do any harm. I just don’t know if I could ever kill anyone, Coryo.”
“What about in a war?” the blonde asked. “You’re a soldier, you know.”
“I know. A war would be different, I guess.” Sejanus sighed. At least he wanted to believe it would be somehow different. “But I would have to be fighting for something I believed in. I would have to believe it would make the world a better place. I’d still rather be a medic, but there isn’t much demand for them at the moment, it turns out. Without a war. They’ve got a long waiting list of people who’d like to be trained to work at the clinic. But even for that, you need a recommendation, and the sergeant doesn’t want to give me one.”
“Why not? Sounds like a perfect fit.” Coriolanus inquired further, starting to mop the floor again. After all, they had to get the job done.
“Because I’m too good with a gun,” Sejanus explained, also joining in the mopping. “It’s true. I’m a crack shot. My father taught me from when I was tiny, and every week I had mandatory target practice. He considers it part of the family business.”
Sejanus thought back to the first time he held a gun and was taught how to shoot. About how he then had practices every week with different guns and targets. How his father never let him skip any of them. At first he enjoyed them. Just a fun thing to do when he is bored or wants to cool off after a long tiring day. But then as he got older the too realistic human targets changed the simple targets in the shooting ring and Sejanus started to hate it.
“Why didn’t you hide it?”
“I thought I was. In reality, I shoot much better than I do in training. I tried not to stand out, but the rest of the squad is terrible.” Sejanus then paused for a few seconds, looking up at Coriolanus. “Not you.”
Maybe it was a stupid thing for him to say, but he couldn’t hold himself back from letting the last words slip past his lips.
“Yes, me.” Coriolanus laughed. The sound brightened the atmosphere a little. “Look, I think you’re making too much of this. It’s not like we have a hanging every day. And if it ever did come to it, just shoot to miss.”
It was so easy for Coriolanus. He obviously didn’t find it a big deal. It angered Sejanus a bit how Coriolanus never seems to get him. But on the other hand, he understood that they both had completely different backgrounds that formed their different mindsets and morals. Coriolanus was Capitol and Sejanus just a litter from district two.
“And what if that means you, or Beanpole, or Smiley, end up dead? Because I didn’t protect you?”
“Oh, Sejanus!” Coriolanus burst out in exasperation. Sejanus almost dropped the mop from the sudden raise of voice. “You have to stop overthinking everything! Imagining every worst-case scenario. That isn’t going to happen. We’re all going to die right here, of old age or excessive mopping, whatever takes us first. In the meantime, quit hitting the target! Or invent a problem with your eyes! Or smash your hand in the door!”
“Stop being so self-indulgent, in other words.” Sejanus mumbled.
“Well, so dramatic anyway. That’s how you ended up in the arena, remember?”
That was like a slap to Sejanus’ face. Right, he is dramatic and annoying and always causes problems for others. Sejanus and his stupidity almost killed him and Coriolanus. The blonde was right. Sejanus nodded and glanced at the other man again. “That’s how I almost got us both killed. You’re right, Coryo. Thanks. I’m going to think over what you said.”
After that evening Sejanus slowly started to miss the targets on the target practice. His aim was a bit off to not make anyone too suspicious about the sudden change. After his conversation with Coriolanus he couldn’t stop thinking how the blonde was right. If Sejanus just stopped overthinking every single thing and stopped worrying for a bit his and everyone’s around him life would be so much easier. He shouldn’t burden himself with all those what ifs that are most likely to never happen. He will just do what he is told and try to avoid trouble. After all he came there to find peace and freedom. He will try his best to survive the hangings if they happen again with his eyes closed and then try to get the recommendation from the sergeant. That was exactly what he is going to do.
Finally saturday arrived. The day they were supposed to go to the Hob to see Lucy Gray’s band. In the evening Sejanus and his roommates headed out. He was trailing at the end of the group, listening to their conversation.
“I guess the five of us could take on some miners.” said Beanpole, glancing around.
“Hand-to-hand, sure.” nodded Smiley. “But what if they had guns?”
“They can’t have guns here, can they?” inquired Beanpole.
“Not legally. But there’s got to be some of them floating around out there after the war. Hidden under floorboards and in trees and things. You can get anything if you have money.” Smiley said with a knowing nod.
“Which clearly none of them do.” Sejanus jumped into their conversation, cutting it off. Why were they even talking about it? Sejnus would rather have them talking about how tiring today’s practice was or what the Hob would be like.
After a few more minutes of walking the group reached the place. It was an abandoned warehouse for coal. Along the wall there stood a few makeshift stalls displaying odds and ends.
The four men watched as Smiley, who had wheeled and dealed in the black market back home, strategically sacrificed one cookie to sampling, breaking it into a dozen pieces and allowing tastes to people he deemed likely buyers. Ma’s magic hit home, and between direct trade with the bootleggers and money from other interested parties, they ended up in possession of a quart bottle of clear liquid so potent the smell made their eyes water.
“That’s good stuff!” Smiley promised. “They call it white liquor here, but it’s your basic moonshine.” They each took one swig, provoking a round of coughing and backslapping, and saved the rest for the show. Sejanus was not much of a drinker but grabbed the bottle when Bug offered it to him. It tasted awful and he grimaced but maybe that’s what he needed. Just some drink to relax.
The five peacekeepers walked inside the abandoned building and Sejanus heard Coriolanus asking some people about the tickets. One man told the blonde that the band didn't take the pay until after and nodded at them to get good seats faster because supposedly there should be a crowd today.
They walked further inside and saw the thing that was supposed to be a stage. It was just an arrangement of wooden pallets at one end of the Hob. But were they even surprised? What else could they expect from such a poor district. A real stage? They shouldn’t be so silly.
Coriolanus led the group towards the wall almost at the very back, but no one complained as they could see the scene perfectly from there. The blonde leaned his back on it and set his eyes on the stage. Sejanus joined the man’s side, also leaning on the dirty wall.
“Excited to see her?”
“Yeah.” the blonde nodded. “I hope she will also be excited to see me here.”
“Sure she will be.” Sejanus assured and bumped their shoulders together.
Coriolanus only hummed and kept his eyes on the stage. The silence surrounded them as they stood leaning on the wall side by side. Their shoulders were still touching as Sejanus didn’t pull away after nudging the blonde man. And since Coriolanus didn’t complain about their close proximity, Sejanus let himself enjoy it.
The Hob started filling with a mix of peacekeepers and locals. Both men and women flooded the abandoned building and the sound of chatter rang everywhere around them. Not long after a tiny boy showed up on stage. He set up a microphone and dragged a wooden crate behind it. Then an even younger girl in a pretty pink dress changed the boy on stage. She gave a curtsy and the crowd cheered for her.
Sejanus watched as the girl began to beat on a drum that hung from a strap around her neck and danced her way to the microphone. She hopped up on the box set behind the microphone and gave the audience a wave. “Hey, everybody, thanks for coming out tonight! Is it hot enough for you?” she asked sweetly and the crowd laughed. “Well, we’re planning on heating things up a sight more. My name’s Maude Ivory, and I’m pleased to introduce the Covey!”
The little girl, named Maude Ivory, introduced another two boys and a young woman as they joined her on stage. The crowd cheered for every single one of them. Sejanus curiously let his eyes linger from one Covey member to another.
“And now, fresh from her engagement in the Capitol, the one and only Lucy Gray Baird!”
She showed up on the stage and Sejanus turned his eyes to Coirolanus, who was staring at the girl like she was the only person in the room. The only one that mattered, at least. He felt a bittersweet feeling creep up his chest. He was happy for Coriolanus, he really was. Sejanus wanted the best for Coriolanus. He wanted him to be happy and if Lucy Gray made him happy, then he was okay with that. After all, he knew that Coriolanus would never reciprocate his feelings. But a little selfish part of him still wished that the blonde man would look at him like that too.
“Hey there, District Twelve, did you miss me?” Sejanus heard her voice coming from the stage as he continued looking at Coriolanus, who didn’t even notice his obvious staring. Of course he would not notice Sejanus when there was Lucy Gray right in front of them on the stage. “I bet you never expected to lay eyes on me again, and that goes both ways. But I’m back. I sure am back.”
Sejanus shook his head and turned his head to face the stage too, watching the girl interact with the crowd and sing. Sometime during the performances Sejanus got his hands on the bottle of clear liquid and took a swig. The taste made him grimace and Smiley snatched the bottle back from him with a laugh.
After a dozen songs and a round of applause Maude Ivory showed up on stage with a basket in her hands. Lucy Gray smiled at her and took the microphone back in her hands. “Thank you kindly. Now, you all know how this works. We don’t charge for tickets, because sometimes hungry people need music the most. But we get hungry, too. So if you’d like to contribute, Maude Ivory will be around with the basket. We thank you in advance.”
The five peacekeepers only had a few coins to give the girl as she reached them. This wasn’t nearly enough but she still stanked them with a sweet smile and curtsy that pulled a smile on Sejanus face too.
“Hold on.” Coriolanus stopped the little girl. “Do you like sweets?”
Sejanus curiously watched as the blonde man showed the little girl a brown paper package with the popcorn balls. Her eyes lit up and Coriolanus put it in her basket. The girl grinned and did a little pirouette in thanks.
“We will surely get more boxes of sweets from Ma soon.” Sejanus said and for the first time since the performance started Coriolanus looked at him.
“Great news.”
They both then faced the stage where Maude Ivory just ran up to and tugged on Lucy Gray’s skirt, showing her the sweet she got. Then the two men watched as Maude Ivory whispered something to Lucy Gray and pointed at Coriolanus. Sejanus saw the blonde man take a step out of the shadow to show himself to the girl and leaned more to the wall behind him.
He saw confusion overtake Lucy Gray’s face as she stared at Coriolanus. Then she recognised him and a huge smile lit her face. She laughed in the microphone. “Okay, okay, everybody. This is… this is maybe the best night of my life. Thanks to everybody here for showing up. How about one more song to send you off to sleep? You might’ve heard me do this before, but it took on a whole new meaning for me in the Capitol. Guess you’ll figure out why.”
She started singing and Coriolanus stepped back, joining Sejanus’ side as he leaned on the wall again. The song the girl sang was obviously for Coriolanus. He has heard her sing it before, back in the Capitol. Sejanus realized that Lucy Gray obviously reciprocated Coriolanus’ feelings. He also realized that meant that Coriolanus could find joy here, in district twelve, with her. At least one of them was able to find happiness there.
Friends should be supportive and cheer on their friends and Sejanus was a very good friend, so that’s exactly what he did. He nudged Coriolanus with his elbow, earning his attention and flashed him a smile. Maybe a little fake, because sadness was slowly making its way to his heart. But still more genuine than not.
When the song ended she bid her goodbyes and walked off of stage. That exact moment Coriolanus disappeared from Sejanus’ side too.
Sejanus shook his head trying not to think about how in a few moments Coriolanus is going to embrace Lucy Gray and wrap his hands around her body. How he is going to cup her face, lean in closer and kiss her. And how she is going to kiss him back. He really tried his best not to think about it, to push those images away from his head but the more he tried the more vivid they became, as if he was actually seeing it all unfold in front of him. Sejanus sighed in defeat. He accepted the fact that he was just a man in love with his best friend, who he will never get to call anything more than that.