Work Text:
June, 2018
“I love you, Jamie,” You whisper, pulling back from his lips only a millimeter to mumble your love before diving in for one last kiss.
“I love you too, Sunshine.”
Finally, Bucky pulls away from you fully only to drop down into a squat so he can pull your son into a hug as well. It’s scary, having to bid goodbye to your husband who you might not ever see again. It’s even scarier knowing you have a two-year-old son with said husband. The thought of having to raise him on your own, of having to tell your boy that his father, his favorite person and best friend, is gone has been eating away at you ever since you were told about the upcoming war.
Vaguely, you can hear Grayson, your two-year-old, telling Bucky how he loves him, and how he better be back soon because Spongebob comes on after dinner time. And you hear Bucky tell him that he will, in fact, be home by then, fully knowing that he might not be able to keep that promise. But he can’t say that, not to Grayson. So he doesn’t. Instead, he kisses the boy on the forehead and stands to full height to press one against yours as well.
And then he leaves, walks out the door to Steve and Sam waiting in their car, and leaves behind the two most important people in his life.
And he doesn’t return.
January, 2021
With a gasp, you’re torn from your slumber by a cry, loud and shrill. Sitting up, you’re quick to throw off your covers and jump out of bed, racing down the hall to Grayson’s room where you find Steve. He’d beat you there, now sitting on the edge of the four-year-old’s bed and holding him tight as your son’s cries taper off into soft whimpers.
Standing near the doorway, you watch silently as Steve presses kisses to Grayson’s hair, cooing at him until finally, the boy stops altogether.
“I miss Daddy,” Grayson mumbles, just loud enough for you to hear. And your heart breaks. Because, while you miss Bucky immeasurably so, you know Grayson must have it harder. Bucky was his best friend. And no matter how many pictures and videos and stories you show to him, nothing compares to the real thing. You know it. Grayson knows it.
Steve knows it too. And you can see him visibly sigh, can tell that his heart is breaking too. Bucky was the one constant in his life, the one person he’d give up the world for. But you know he’s been putting on a front, a facade for you and your son. He’s been vital to your recovery, and has been at your beck and call trying to ease the pain and carry the weight. It’s worked, but even he knows it’s not enough, only enough for a distraction from the neverending heartache.
“I know, buddy,” Steve murmurs, rubbing his hand across Grayson’s back. “I miss him too.”
“Why did he leave?”
And that’s the question you both have been dreading. Neither of you had known what to tell him, only that Daddy had to go save the world and couldn’t come back. Grayson had taken that excuse as best as you would expect a two-year-old to take the news. But you knew eventually you’d have this conversation. But just as you were about to make yourself known, Steve spoke up again.
“He left because he loved you. Because there was a bad man that wanted to hurt a lot of people and your daddy didn’t want him to hurt you.” Steve pauses to sniffle, quickly masking it with a clear of his throat.
“Your daddy loved you so much, I remember how happy he was when you were born, how he wouldn’t stop kissing you and telling everyone how you were his best friend.”
Grayson sniffles too and lifts his head, Steve brings a hand up to wipe away some of his tears.
“So… he left to protect me?”
“Yeah, buddy. He did.”
That seems to placate the boy, and you thank every star in the universe that Steve was here, able to care for and console a child that isn’t even his. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to, he didn’t want all of this stress to fall on you when he was perfectly capable of helping wherever he could.
And right now, he’s helping more than you could ever have imagined. As he presses a kiss to Grayson’s forehead and tucks him back into bed, whispering something into his ear that causes your boy to let out a watery giggle.
Soon, Steve stands to full height, turning and stopping, looking like a deer in headlights at the spook your silent presence caused him. Upon seeing your soft smile and teary gaze, he smiles too, quietly moving both of you out of the room so you can pull the door partially shut.
Both of you are quiet for a long moment, simply staring at each other before you surge forward and wrap your arms around Steve’s torso in a bone-crushing grip. This doesn’t seem to affect him, of course, it doesn’t, as he wraps his arms around you too.
“Thank you,” you mumble against his chest, sniffling and tucking your head in the crook of Steve’s neck.
“Of course,” He mumbles back, running his hands up and down your back in an equally tight hug.
Eventually, you pull away fully, wiping your tears away with the back of your hand while you mumble your apology for ruining his shirt.
He laughs softly, shaking his head and insisting that it’s not a big deal. And that’s the thing with him. It isn’t a big deal. It never is. Not once has he complained about his situation, about sleeping in the guest room nearly every night so he’s already here in the morning to help with breakfast. He never complained when he needed to take Grayson to daycare because your schedule wouldn’t allow you to, never complained when he came with you both to Grayson’s karate class nor did he complain when he had to spend nights consoling both you and your son.
He’s everything you need right now, and that’s eating away at you.
It’s been two years, nearly three since Bucky left, and while you don’t miss or love him any less, it’s been getting easier to deal with. A big part of that, one which you don’t want to think about, is because of Steve. Some nights you lay awake, missing Bucky with your entire soul, crying into your pillow over losing your soulmate. And some nights, you lay awake being eaten away by guilt.
Steve, while being a big help while raising your son, is doing a pretty good job at worming his way into your heart. You know him well enough to know he feels the same. But you also know him well enough to know that he’d never, in his life, act on it. He’d never betray Bucky like that, he’s only here to help you. Neither of you can help it, though. It’s not like you want this to happen, it just happened.
Tonight, you decide you need to talk about it.
Grabbing Steve’s hand, you pull him towards his room, silently asking for him to follow you. He comes with you immediately, he always does, he always will. Once you reach your bedroom, you continue to pull him towards your bed until you can both sit on it criss-crossed and facing each other.
Neither of you speak for a while, you’re only fiddling with Steve’s fingers while looking at everything except him. But then, Steve brings his other hand up, fingers underneath your chin, and tilts your head to face him. After a minute of silence, you sigh.
“I love him,” You say firmly, or, as firmly as you can while filled with emotions and nerves.
“I know,” Steve says, both of you know you’re talking about Bucky. Because he knows, he knows that you love Bucky, you probably always will. It’s the same with Peggy, how he’ll always love her but knows that it’s over.
“And I’ll never stop loving him.”
“I know.”
Both of you go quiet again, staring into each other’s eyes full of despair and, dare you say it, hope. Longing. And that look, well, you haven’t seen a look like that in years. Not since the day Bucky left.
“If we… do anything-” You stop yourself, a waver in your voice as you try and convince yourself that this isn’t a betrayal. Bucky’s gone, no one can do anything about it. And you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would want you to be happy, whether or not it’s with him.
“We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with,” Steve says quickly, turning his hand over and grasping yours. “If you don’t want to do anything about… this, then that’s fine. I’m not going to pressure you or do anything that would make you or Grayson uncomfortable.”
“I know,” You say back, just as quickly. Looking down at your hands and then back up at Steve, you gulp. “And I guess that’s why I’m feeling like this. You’re so kind, so generous, and helpful beyond belief. And while you can’t replace Bucky, I know you don’t want to. I don’t want you to either, but I - I want you to be something new for me, for us. I don’t know how it would work, and we wouldn’t tell Grayson until we figured everything out. But, I still want you.”
Steve breathes in sharply, grasping your hand a little tighter before bringing your hand up to place a lingering kiss on your knuckles. He nods, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb as he contemplates your words.
“I want you too,” He says finally, resolutely.
Quiet consumes you both once again, processing the situation for a few long minutes. Would this be so bad? Would you be able to love Steve like he deserves? Maybe so, or maybe not. But you know you’re willing to try.
“Okay then.” Nodding, you sigh softly and shift so you’re sitting closer to Steve, threading your fingers with his and bringing them to rest in your lap.
“What do you want to do now?” He asks softly, shifting so he’s closer to you as well, letting you rest your head on his shoulder so he can press a kiss to the top of your head. You think for a moment. What do you want? Apart from the obvious - wanting Bucky back - you just want to sleep. You haven’t had a good night's sleep in years, and you’re hoping Steve’s presence can help with that, so you shoot your shot.
“I want to sleep.” Steve nods and starts to move, presumably to leave, but stops when he feels your grip tighten and your head shake. “Ca-Can you hold me? While I sleep?” Your voice comes out soft, almost pleading, begging Steve to comfort you.
And, of course, Steve nods with a soft smile on his face. With a squeeze of your hand, he helps maneuver you both so you’re lying down on your sides, facing each other. It’s awkward for all of two seconds before Steve shuffles closer and lifts an arm, ushering you into his chest. You go easily, snuggling as deep as you can and letting his warmth consume you.
It’s the best sleep you’ve gotten in what seems like forever.
A low rumble reverberates against your back, the arm around your waist tightening as Steve starts to wake. You’ve been awake for nearly five minutes, laying on your side with Steve at your back. The bright morning sky shines through the window into your room, giving a rather rude wake-up call. And as you glance out of the window at the trees, watching as birds land in the bird feeders, you’re able to pretend that it’s Bucky behind you. That it’s Bucky’s arms around you and Bucky’s hot breath hitting the back of your neck.
For five minutes, you pretend that everything is normal, how it should be. That Bucky will wake up any minute and shower you with as many kisses as possible before Grayson decides to come barging in for his share of kisses. The fantasy is short-lived lived, however.
Because it’s Steve’s voice that whispers out a ‘ good morning’ . And you can’t help the tears that come to your eyes, nor the choked whimper that escapes your lips.
At this, Steve rises to rest on his left elbow, his right arm gently twisting your body so you can lay on your back with him looking down at you. There’s a furrow in his brow, and a slight frown on his lips that turns deeper now that he’s able to see the tears threatening to pour out.
“Honey? What’s wrong?”
Another choked whimper floats through the air, your hands coming up to clutch onto Steve’s shirt, whether to push him away or pull him closer you’re unsure of. You decide on the latter, tugging him so he’s resting almost all of his body weight onto you. You feel him start to lift, to take off some of the pressure, but you tug him back down. The weight is grounding, brings you comfort, and helps to forget about the million thoughts you have running through your mind at all times.
Steve, bless his heart, just lays there, letting you slink back into reality while clutching him like a lifeline. A few short minutes pass before you allow him to lift off of you, but he goes just enough to be able to see you, still shielding you from the bright sunlight. Slowly, he leans down to place a soft kiss on your forehead, causing you to sigh wistfully and nudge your nose against his jaw, placing a timid kiss on his cheek.
You can feel him smile, causing you to smile as well. Gently, you press your hands flat against Steve’s chest and guide him back. He goes easily, and you sit up too so you’re both resting against the headboard.
“Sorry,” You say softly, looking down at your hands resting in your lap. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Steve shake his head, his hand reaching for yours before pulling back just as quickly.
“Don’t be sorry,” He says just as softly. “Do you want to tell me why you’re upset?”
For a moment you want to say ‘no’. You don’t want to hurt Steve by telling him that it was Bucky you were imagining. But then you remember, out of everyone still alive, Steve understands you the most.
“I’m not saying this to hurt you, I swear. But I feel that complete honesty is best.” You pause for a moment, thinking over your words carefully before continuing. “I miss Bucky, and I guess I was just thinking of how it used to be him in my bed, and him I saw when I first woke up.”
Steve stays silent for a minute, taking in your words carefully. “I understand. And I don’t have to sleep in your bed if it’s going to upset you, I promise I won’t be offended. Like you said yesterday, I can’t, nor do I want, to replace Bucky. I’m just here to make things a little better, to help you and Grayson.”
Another pause, and you reach over to take Steve’s hand in yours while looking up into his eyes. They’re sad, a mix of sympathy and rejection shining through, but his smile is genuine.
“I’ll admit, I have liked you for a while. I’ve always cared for you as a friend, you know that. But since we’ve gotten closer these last two and a half years, I knew early on I would care for you differently. I tried to fight it, I fought so hard because I never want to upset you, and it felt wrong, so wrong. But, I can’t deny it anymore. I care for you much more than a friend should.”
Steve sounds so sincere, pouring his heart out for you to lay witness. He chuckles lightly, and you do too. Because in hindsight, this has been a long time coming, both of you repressing any feelings you might have had for each other instead of grieving and parenting.
“But that doesn’t mean I expect you to reciprocate any of those feelings, because I don’t. If you do, then we’ll take this at your pace. We do what you’re comfortable with when you’re comfortable with it. If you don’t, then this is the last we’ll speak of it. Nothing will change, I’ll still be here to help with anything I can for both you and Grayson.”
Your smile widens, quietly sniffling and chuckling when Steve brings your hand up to his lips and presses a kiss to your knuckles. Finally, you nod, content with his response.
“You’ve helped us so much, much more than I’ll ever be able to thank you for. You’ve helped Grayson with learning how to read, his karate classes, hell, you’ve taught him how to swim. But you’ve helped me too. I don’t miss or love Bucky any less, and you know and respect that. And that’s probably what has made these last couple of years easier. You’re not rushing me to move on, you lift so much weight off of my shoulders by just being you. ”
This time, it’s your turn to pull Steve’s hand to your lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles and smiling when he laughs softly.
“I do want this, more than I’m willing to admit, I think. But I do. And if we do this, then there need to be rules.”
Steve nods resolutely, listening to everything you say with rapt attention.
“Honesty is the most important. I’ll be honest about my feelings and wants, and you need to be honest with yours as well. No beating around the bush, no tip-toeing. I want us to be open with each other.” Your voice is firm because even before everything happened, honesty has been your number one rule for everyone.
“I can do that,” Steve comments, squeezing your hand briefly.
“Good. The second rule is that we need to be careful around Grayson. I don’t want him knowing anything until we go further if we do.”
Again, Steve nods.
“The third is that you’ll still be sleeping in the guest bedroom. I think you saw this morning how I feel about you sleeping in here, and by no means was it intentional, but we’ll need to work up to that. You can come stay with me if I need or want you to, as long as that is what you want as well.”
One more nod.
“And I know we’re going at my pace, but you’re important too. If you don’t like anything we’re doing, tell me. As much as you don’t want to hurt me, I don’t want to hurt you either. This is about both of us, you and me. We’re a team.”
Both of you go silent, letting everything sink in. You’re doing this, you’re really doing this. And as much as it kills you to say it, you’re not as torn up about the conversation as you thought you’d be. It is nowhere near easy to decide to date your dead husband’s best friend, just like you’re sure it’s not easy for Steve to date his best friend’s wife.
But fate can be funny sometimes.
“Well,” Steve says timidly, voice cutting through your thoughts and bringing you back to the present. “Whenever you’re ready for a… real kiss, you know where I live.”
Both of you laugh, your head leaning back and giggles floating from your chest as you contemplate his offer. While you know it may be a poor decision, you can’t deny the fact that his lips look very inviting. The plush, pillow-like softness entices you in a way you haven’t felt in quite a while.
So, deciding to say ‘fuck it’, you twist at the hips, facing more towards Steve as he does the same. You can feel nerves settling in the pit of your stomach, some of them good, some bad. The lingering feeling that you’re hurting Bucky hasn’t gone away since you started this conversation, but the softness in Steve’s eyes gives you hope that you’re not doing the wrong thing.
Steve lets you lead, lets you be the one to lean forward and tilt your head up. His head tilts down until his lips are about two inches from yours. You vaguely register that neither of you is breathing, waiting for the other to pull away, to say ‘sike’, and pretend that this was all one big joke.
Neither of you do either of those things. No, you stay like that, gazing intently into each other’s eyes, before Steve’s eyes flicker down to your lips, a shuddery breath escaping his lips when you move in closer so your breaths can mingle. Another moment passes.
And then Steve pushes his head down ever so slightly, taking the jump and placing the softest of kisses on your mouth. He’s about to lift away when your arm shoots up so your hand can rest on the back of his neck. The small tug pushes him further into you, into a little bit of a harder, deeper kiss, one that sparks passion.
It lasts for all of five seconds, five blissfully ignorant seconds, before you pull away, chuckling when Steve involuntarily leans forward to peck your lips again. The hand on the back of his neck slides down his neck, down his arm, and takes his free hand. With both of his hands now in yours, you squeeze them tightly.
“Now, you start on breakfast and I’ll get Grayson ready.”
Steve nods, quickly squeezing your hands as well, before departing from the bed.
As you watch Steve walk out of the room, your gaze drifts down and lands on your left hand, the beautiful, simple diamond band still resting on your ring finger. Then, your eyes turn to your nightstand, a framed picture of you in the hospital bed when Grayson was born, Bucky perched on the edge and smiling so brightly at the bundle of joy that rests in his arms. Slowly, you reach over and pick it up, bringing it close to you so you can inspect it.
The happiness, the innocence, you can still remember it like it was yesterday. Fighting down the rising sadness, you pull the frame up and place a kiss on Bucky’s form.
“I love you, Jamie.”
February, 2022
“Be good for your grandma, okay?” You hold Grayson’s arms, kneeling in front of him as you tell him not to cause trouble for your mother, where he’ll be staying for the weekend.
“I will, Mommy,” Grayson sighs, clearly ready to leave because he just knows he’ll be able to trick your mother into giving him all the junk food he wants. You know this too, but you don’t say anything, you never do. Ever since The Blip, you’ve been more lenient on things Grayson can and can’t do. You want nothing more than to keep him happy.
“Okay, baby. Go have fun.”
Pressing a kiss to your cheek, Grayson then moves to wrap his arms around Steve’s waist in a tight hug.
“Bye, mommy! Bye Uncle Steve!” Grayson calls, already dashing out of the open door and to your mother where she’s waiting by her car.
You see as she hugs him tightly, a smile on your face when she looks up and waves to you. You wave back, and you look to your right to see Steve at your side also waving to the pair.
Soon, your mother drives away and you both go back into the house. As soon as the door closes, a quiet tension settles in the air. You’ve been alone with Steve in a less-than-platonic setting before, you’ve gone on dates both in and out of the house. But tonight is the night. You’ve finally decided you’re ready to take the next step in your relationship. The nerves swirling in your stomach have been there since this morning, and have had you on edge the entire day. Because it’s not just one night. Grayson will be gone until Sunday afternoon, leaving two whole days for you and Steve to be by yourselves.
“Honey,” Steve’s soft, smooth voice cuts through your thoughts. “I can practically hear you thinking.”
Chuckling, you turn to face him, a shy smile on your face as you watch Steve slowly approach you. Once he’s in front of you, merely an inch of space between you, he peers down at you, a smile of his own etched onto his face. His hands come up to hold your face delicately, gingerly lifting your head so he can place a soft, lingering kiss on your lips.
“Remember,” He mumbles, pulling back slightly. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want. If you just want to cuddle on the couch and watch those horrible action movies you love so much then we can do that.”
Rolling your eyes, you throw a weak jab at his stomach.
“They’re not horrible, you just don’t like them because you’re a stickler for detail and they aren’t always accurate with the action. And that’s what makes them good!”
Both of you laugh, one of Steve’s large hands traveling down your body to rest on your waist. He squeezes the area, fingers digging into the flesh momentarily before relaxing again.
“But I am ready, I want this. We just - We need to take it slow, okay?” And now you’re not timid when you ask these things from him. By now you’re very well aware that Steve would never be offended or hurt by anything you could tell him, and that knowledge brings you comfort.
“Of course, honey.”
Smiling, your arms come up to wrap around Steve’s waist, lifting onto your tip-toes to press a kiss to Steve’s lips. Now, both of his hands are on your waist. They squeeze softly before traveling around to rest on your back so he can pull you further into him.
The kiss goes on for minutes, hours maybe, you’re not too sure. Your lips glide across his, chaste pecks turning into Steve poking his tongue out to tease along your bottom lip. And you can’t help the small whimper that escapes you, nor can you help the way you completely melt into the warm, solid chest pressed against yours.
But, before the kiss can continue further, you’re pulling back, turning your head when Steve dives back down for another kiss. This causes you to giggle and press your hands on Steve’s chest to push him backward.
“Come on, I don’t want our first time to be in the hallway.” Both of you chuckle, but then Steve’s eyes darken at the realization that this is really about to happen, he’s going to get you under him, around him.
This excites him, as it does you, so you both are quick to make your way to your bedroom. Once there, you notice the candles on any available surface that won’t be a fire hazard. The lights are dimmed, and a plush blanket lays on the bed, waiting for you to sink in.
“Do you like it?” Steve asks from behind you, and you can hear the nervousness in his voice. A large smile makes its way onto your face, and you nod, pleasantly surprised at the romantic ambiance.
“So, this is what you were doing when I was packing Grayson’s things?” There’s humor in your tone, something that puts Steve at ease.
“Well, you deserve the best,” He murmurs, coming up behind you to wrap his arms around you. “And I want to give you everything you deserve.”
There’s a skip in your heartbeat, and feelings of adoration flood you as Steve starts running his hands up and down your sides. Then, you raise a hand, your left hand, intending to cup Steve’s cheek from behind you. But, the candlelight causes a sparkle on your hand, and you remember your ring still sitting on your finger.
Something, maybe heartache, courses through you. Slowly, you pull yourself from his hold and move towards your bedside table, the same one with Bucky’s dog tags and framed picture. Subconsciously, you reach out to run your knuckles along the picture and ghost them over the dog tags. Your hands shake as you bring them together, touching the ring in an attempt to remove it.
It hurts, it kills you, and Steve must notice because he comes up behind you once more. This time, though, his hands settle on your arms. After a moment of silence, Steve sighs.
“You don’t have to remove it if you don’t want to, I swear it won’t hurt me.”
That’s a lie, you know it will. And that hurts too. You’re not fully over Bucky, you don’t think you’ll ever be. And that causes tears to blur your vision. You care for Steve and, dare you say it, maybe even love him, so that seems to make this decision even harder.
Sniffling, you shake your head softly, and with one final longing glance at Bucky’s picture, you gain enough courage to remove the ring and place it on the table.
Everything is silent for a long moment, neither of you speaking, simply letting the reality of the situation wash over you two. Then, you turn to face Steve, your hands coming up to cup his cheeks. Leaning up on your toes, you place a soft kiss on his lips before leaning back.
“Make love to me, Steve,” You whisper, eyes gazing into Steve’s in a pleading manner. “Please.”
March, 2023
Steve had been gone for nearly a week, something about the rest of the living Avengers needing his help with a mission.
When you woke up this morning, you’d expected to have a relaxing Saturday, cuddling with your son and maybe even going out for ice cream at some point. You didn’t expect Steve to come home with a confused, wild look in his eyes, gently ordering Grayson to go to his room. Nor did you expect the bomb he just dropped.
“We might be able to get them back.”
Your world turns upside down, they bring everyone back? They could bring Bucky back?
“Oh.”
That’s all you’re able to say, to think. With your mind having gone blank, you’re not sure how to feel. While you want absolutely nothing more than to have Bucky back, you’re not too sure what would happen between you and Steve. It doesn’t seem to matter though, because Steve’s next statement floors you even more.
“Scott managed to come back, I don’t even fully understand it, and I’m not sure how to tell you without it sounding crazy but I’m going to try.” He pauses, thinking over his words carefully. “We went back in time - or, actually, to different timelines. We’re collecting the infinity stones, and we’re close to figuring out how to use them to bring everyone back.” Again, another pause.
“Natasha… she died getting one of the stones.”
Now, you’re acutely aware that you’re crying, nearly sobbing actually. Everything seems to be too much. Your friend is dead and your husband might come back. What the fuck is happening?
Suddenly, Steve is next to you, cradling you in his arms as you continue to cry your heart out. It feels good actually, to finally let go and sob after years of bottling up most of your pain due to needing to care for Grayson. Steve’s arms shake under your weight, presumably because he’s trying not to cry as well.
Maybe twenty minutes pass before you finally calm down, your cries turning to whimpers, and eventually sniffles. Sitting up, Steve’s hand comes up to wipe away your tears, thumbing them away gently before leaning down to kiss your forehead. He sighs shakily, pulling back slightly to stare into your eyes.
“You know I love you, right?” He asks, almost desperately.
“Of course,” You nod. “I love you too.” Again, Steve sighs.
“When I went back I - I was trying to hide from some guards. I snuck into an office… It was Peggy’s”
Now you understand why he’s been so tense, not only because of the death of his friend but because he saw his first love. And your heart sinks into your stomach as you nod knowingly, swallowing down another whimper.
“I saw her and - and I just got this rush of feelings. I haven’t seen her like that in decades, I didn’t know it was possible, it shouldn’t be possible. But there might be a way for me to go back and-” Steve cuts himself off, turning his gaze away from you.
“You want to go back, don’t you?” This is the first time you’ve spoken more than one word in the entire half hour that Steve has been home. It hurts, of course it does. You’ve grown to love Steve. Maybe not exactly like you love Bucky, but not any less powerful. And knowing that Steve wants to go back to Peggy hurts you more than it should. You have no right to ask him to stay, and you know for a fact that if Bucky can return, you’d probably go back to him in a heartbeat.
Still, it doesn’t make it easier, especially when Steve nods sadly.
“If it’s possible, then yeah. I do.”
April, 2023
It’s been a long fucking day. Well, days. Steve and the rest of the living Avengers had left a day ago, leaving you to stew in your anxiety. Comforting Grayson was a big part of it too. After having to bid goodbye to his father, he knows that this might be the last time he sees Steve too. He was in tears, begging Steve to stay, to not leave him.
Steve was also crying, consoling your son and telling him that no matter what, he loves the boy, he’ll always love him. This does little to quell his sadness, and eventually, you have to pry Grayson off of Steve to let him go.
Steve had given you a tight hug, a desperate kiss, and a whispered ‘ I love you ’ before he left. And once again, you bid goodbye to a lover you may never see again.
It’s two days later when Steve returns, with a clear heaviness on his shoulders. For a moment, when he comes through the door, you’re disappointed, heartbroken even. As Steve walks further into the house, you prepare yourself for the worst, while Grayson comes bounding down the stairs shouting Steve’s name excitedly. And when Grayson gets to the living room, he flies towards Steve, the latter catching him and hugging him tightly.
Once they pull away, Steve smiles at you and moves towards the couch, still holding Grayson, and says ‘ in here’.
For a moment, you’re confused as to who he brought back to your house, but then, your heart is racing, so many emotions flooding your veins that you feel you might pass out. Because the man in your home, standing in front of you, is Bucky. Your Jamie.
“Hey, sunshine.”
And for a moment, everything is silent. But then, a choked whimper escapes your lips as you lunge forward, grasping onto Bucky like a lifeline as you sob uncontrollably. You feel his arms come to wrap around you as well, holding you flush against his chest and burying his face in your neck.
It feels like hours before you pull away, eyes searching his body as though he’ll disappear if you close your eyes. And just like your eyes, your hands move on their own accord as they run all over Bucky’s chest and arms, whimpering further when you feel that he’s real, he’s solid, he’s here.
“Jamie,” You whisper, a wide, watery smile never leaving your face even when you remember that Steve and Grayson are sitting a few feet away on the couch.
“Daddy?” A small, quiet voice speaks up, and Bucky’s head whips to his left to see his son, no longer the small boy he was when Bucky last saw him.
Now, it’s Bucky’s turn to cry, a shaky gasp leaves his lips as he reluctantly pulls away from you to drop down into a crouch. You nod towards Grayson, prompting him to get off of Steve’s lap and walk nervously towards his father.
“You’re back?”
Bucky can’t seem to help the single sob that forces its way out from his chest, the realization that he did miss out on five years of his family's lives.
“Yeah, buddy. I’m back.”
Then, Grayson flies forward, throwing himself into Bucky’s open arms. Both boys are crying into each other, Grayson is finally seeing his father again, and Bucky is trying to catch up with the news that his boy, his best friend, lost him for years.
Sniffling, Grayson pulls back and rubs at his eyes.
“You missed Spongebob.”
Bucky smiles sadly, hands resting on the boy’s sides.
“I know, buddy. I’m sorry.”
April, 2023
The couch isn’t big enough to fit three grown people, so you and Bucky sit on it, leaving Steve to rest in the armchair. Everyone seems on edge as Steve explains to Bucky how it’s been five years, even though it may have only felt like a minute for Bucky. He explains how they brought everyone back, how Natasha died getting one of the stones, and how he’d been living with you and Grayson for a few years to help you both.
Then, he tells Bucky about your relationship, albeit timidly. Bucky sits silently, merely listening to Steve explain how no one ever meant for it to happen, that, at first, neither of you wanted it to happen, it just did.
“So,” Bucky whispers finally, slowly thinking over his words. “You two are… dating?”
Both you and Steve sigh and you decide it’s your time to speak.
“As Steve said, we didn’t mean for it to happen. After you died, we leaned on each other for support. But I need you to know that I never stopped loving you, ever. I love you more than anything but -” You stop yourself, scared and unsure how to tell him that you also love Steve.
“But you love Steve too.” He says it like it’s a fact, not a question. And he’s right, it is true.
“I do.”
Bucky breathes in deeply, before nodding and hanging his head. His head turns to the right, eyes landing on your left hand. Slowly his hand reaches over and grasps yours, running his thumb along the space where your ring should be.
“Do you love her?” He’s asking Steve, though he’s still focused on your hand. Another long, quiet moment passes before you see the blonde nod.
“I do.”
Again, Bucky nods. Once more breathing deeply before he looks up into Steve’s eyes. He must find something there because Bucky smiles sadly.
“Thank you.”
You both know what Bucky is saying. Thank you for taking care of her. Thank you for taking care of my son. And you can’t help the way your voice quivers in your next sentence.
“There’s more.”
Bucky turns to look at you, worry flashing across his face as he glances down at your stomach, probably assuming that you’re pregnant with his best friend’s kid. Quickly shaking your head, you grasp Bucky’s hand in both of yours.
“Before Steve left to bring everyone back, we talked. If you were able to come back, and Steve was able to go back in time, then we’d part ways. Yes, we love each other. But I don’t love him like I love you, and though Steve has been the best partner he could be, he doesn’t love me like he loves Peggy. And that’s okay. We had each other for a time, and it was wonderful. But we’re not soulmates.”
You pause, letting Bucky process the news while you reach into your shirt and pull out the necklace hidden under the collar, showing your wedding ring hanging off of it.
“ You are my soulmate, Jamie. For forever and a day.”
The sad smile Bucky wears turns happier and more grateful. Hearing you, his wife, telling him how you’d never stopped loving him even after five years and having dated someone else brings him a sense of peace and comfort. Because he feels the same. He knows that if God forbid, you were to die prematurely, he’d never be able to move on fully. You’d always have his heart.
“You’re mine too.”
A watery chuckle floats through the air, a smile so wide etched onto your face you wouldn’t be able to get rid of it even if you tried. Both of you are gazing intently into the other’s eyes, trying to convey every emotion you’re unable to bring into words.
Then, Bucky surges forward, free hand coming up to the back of your neck and pulling you forward so he can place a deep, passionate kiss on your mouth. And again, you can’t stop the tears from gathering.
“I love you,” Bucky mumbles against your lips, causing a happy giggle to come up your throat and get consumed by his mouth.
Because Bucky is home, he’s real, he’s here. And you’re never letting him leave you again.