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Ena didn’t like coming home. Either it was loud and filled with screaming and yelling, or eerily quiet. Today it was the former.
When she stepped in the door, coming back from art class, she was greeted with an intense fight. Her younger brother Akito was crying so much he couldn’t even speak to defend himself, and In front of him stood their father, oh how Ena loathed the man. As their father yelled you could practically see the spittle flying through the air and hitting Akito on the face. For such a professional man he acted like a dirty old pig.
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO.” Ena’s father pointed his finger at the already balling Akito, which in return just made him cry more. It hurt Ena to see her brother being yelled at. All she could think was ‘he’s a child he’s meant to make mistakes, that’s how you learn.’ But then again, their father only accepted perfection.
“I KNOW YOU YOU DID IT, WHO ELSE WOULD HAVE SPILLED JUICE ON MY PANTING!”
“I-I di-di-did..nt dooo i-t.” Ena will give her father one thing, he’s really good at spotting Akito’s lies, but so is she.
She was tempted to simply walk to her room and tune out the fight with some music, but that wouldn’t be fair to Akito would it? “I did it.” Ena reluctantly raised her hand to admit she cursed the problem. That’s when both her brother and father realized she had even come home. Akito stopped crying, and Ena’s father turned to face her. She won’t deny his gaze was menacing.
“What did you say?”
Ena could hear her heart pounding, and could easily feel when she swallowed. “I said I did it, are you deaf?.” That was it. Her father began to walk over to her. As much as she wished to stand up to him, as much as she wished she could scream back at him, she ends up feeling weak to the knees when he slowly walks up to her and peers down. After taking his sweet time to get in front of her, she doesn’t look up. Instead her gaze was fixated on Akito, his face and eyes red from crying, his nose dripping, and his neck glistening from tears. Ena feels terrible, if only she got her sooner, she could have prevented this.
She finally craned her neck to look her father in the eyes, and by god she wished she didn’t. His brows frowned, his teeth gritted, and eyes that screamed ‘YOU don’t fucking talk back to ME in MY household’.
Smack.
When it happened she heard it in her head, she felt it on her cheek, and she tasted the blood caused by biting down on her tongue. She wanted to scream, to protest, to yell, to fight, yet her lungs had no air.
“GO TO YOUR ROOM AND DON'T COME OUT TILL YOUR FUCKING READY TO APOLOGIZE!”
slowly turning around to the stairs, she was shaking, that was a fact you could see. Whilst climbing the stairs she could hear Akito’s sobs and whines for her to respond, for her to react. Yet it was as if her brain was on autopilot. Climbing the stairs felt like climbing a mountain. Each step made it progressively harder and harder, till she reached the top.
Ena stumbled to her door with blurry vision. She tried reaching for her doorknob and failed a couple times. When she finally got a hold of it she flung open the door, slammed it, fell to the floor, and cried. How she cried like a baby, a baby who would never have comfort. A baby who didn’t deserve comfort. she was so glad Akito wasn’t here to witness her childish moment. God she had so many thoughts to think yet not enough time to think them all.
…
She didn’t even know how long she laid there crying for, two hours maybe? She was just about to get up and changed out of her school uniform when she heard a light knock on her door.
“Um.. Ena? I tried to make you super.” Ena could tell he was crying too. So, wiping her own tears away, she opened the door and was greeted by a little orange haired boy. He was holding a paper plate which had pancakes on it. Ena could almost start to cry again from the simple fact Akito cared enough to make her pancakes, he was so proud of them too. She didn’t deserve an amazing brother like him.
Opening the door wide enough for the little boy to walk in, then quietly shutting it. Ena watched as a tiny carrot haired boy placed the pancakes down on a small table in the middle of Ena’s room, and was practically jumping with excitement to see what Ena would say about them.
Ena sat down on her knees with Akito doing the same in front of her. She took a plastic fork and stabbed a pancake. They didn’t have any real clean silverware, mom hadn't done the dishes recently and Ena was too tired to do them. Poor Akito having to live in this disgusting house, I wonder what he’ll think when he’s older, when his childlike innocence is gone. When Ena impaled the pancake it made a crunch sound, “ah it’s burned.”
“IM SO-SORRY, I-I’VE ONLY SEEN YOU MAKE THEM I-“
“I like a bit of a crunch. Besides, the fact it’s burned adds extra Akito-ness.” Ena looked up from the pancakes to see Akito, she tilted her head and smiled at him, which made him smile as well. Ena wondered if Akito could see the lifelessness in her eyes, if he could hear her melancholy tone of voice.
“I-I have a question… Ena, wh-why did you lie to dad?” After hearing this Ena had stopped pouring maple syrup on her pancakes and took a moment to think.
“Because dad doesn’t understand how to be a dad, just like how we don’t understand how to be children. A happy family is where everyone realizes that. A happy family is where the mom and dad realize their kids are still learning how to be people, and where the kids learn their parents make mistakes too. I took the blame for you because I’m your older sister, it’s my job to protect you both physically and mentally. If I can’t do that then– what I’m trying to say is even in the future if you end up hating me, or I become a shut-in who even society hates, I’ll still cheer you on no matter what you pursue. Unlike dad. I understand this is your first time being a person.” Ena’s smile was bittersweet. She knew Akito would grow up and do something amazing, he was truly good at anything he put his mind to, even if he didn’t think so. He had passion and determination. Ena on the other hand would probably grow up to be a low life. She sucked at school, had no hobbies, and one friend. The only thing she had was art, and even that was futile. everyday she got less and less compliments, and more and more complaints.
“I couldn’t hate my big sis!! And, and, when I get older I’ll get super strong and beat up anyone who says your art is bad!” Akito was now doing some sort of karate move, kicking and punching the air all around him.
“Hey, Aki?” Don’t be selfish, don’t be. “Do you promise.” Stupid bitch, don’t be selfish, he has a life, don't let it be pulled down by a scum such as yourself. “To all ways be by my side?”
“Of course!!”
Although he said of course, Ena knew he was still a child, his views on his sister would soon change. For now however, she’ll indulge in the fake world she’s created.
I’m so dirty I’m practically dripping with muck. I truly am selfish from beginning to end.