Chapter Text
“Mom, I have a question.”
Shouto’s mother tilts her head at him. “Of course. What is it?”
“It’s...a bit awkward, is all, so...”
She smiles, eyebrow raised. “So...?”
“I’m just not sure how to ask it.”
“Take all the time you need, Shouto.”
Shouto frowns, fidgeting slightly in his chair, looking around his mother’s hospital room for any sort of distraction that might make this less uncomfortable. He comes up with nothing, and decides to stop being a coward and just get it over with.
“How do you know when you have...romantic feelings, for someone?”
His mother’s eyes widen slightly, head tilting to the side. There’s an awkward silence that stretches for a few seconds. Then she smiles at him, this strange, fond, knowing thing. It makes Shouto feel like a child, and his face heats up. She tries to politely cover her mouth, but the damage has been done—Shouto is embarrassed.
(It’s not the worst thing, though. To be embarrassed by his mother like this.)
“Could you be more...specific, maybe?” she finally says, amusement coloring her tone. “What do you mean, how do you know?”
“I mean...ugh,” he sighs, scratching his cheek and avoiding her eyes. “When you like someone. How can you tell if the ‘like’ you feel is the romantic kind or not?”
“Ah. I see.” His mother nods, looking pensively up at the ceiling. “I have to admit, Shouto, I wasn’t expecting that.”
Shouto’s shoulders hike up a bit. “...I know ...” He knows it’s a strange question. That’s why he prefaced it the way he did, and it still didn’t help. His mother chuckles, light and amused. Which...is nice, actually. Some of the tension drains out of him.
“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, sweetheart. In fact, I’m happy.” Shouto looks up at her sharply, and he sees her smiling at him. There’s a lump in his throat.
“What? Why?”
“These are the sorts of questions children are supposed to ask their mothers,” she says cheerfully. “It’s a very normal thing to be unsure about at your age. I’m just glad you feel comfortable opening up to me about...well, normal teenager things.”
“...Oh.” The lump in his throat is even bigger. He’d sort of known that’s what he would be doing when he considered asking her, on some level. But...he doesn’t know how to feel, now that she’s pointed it out so bluntly. “Do you know the answer, then?”
“Hmmm,” she hums, tapping her chin. “Perhaps. Shouto, when you ask me that, does anyone specific come to mind?”
Midoriya’s grinning face—flushed with exertion and damp with sweat after training—springs immediately to his mind’s eye. “...Yes.”
“Well then. I think that’s all the answer you need, isn’t it?”
Shouto’s thoughts screech to a halt. What?
“Um...it is?” Shouto doesn’t want to seem ungrateful for her advice. But also, he is no less confused than he was before. In fact, he might be even more confused now. The whole reason he decided to ask was because he didn’t know what his feelings for Midoriya were.
“Ah, Shouto. What’s that face for?”
He doesn’t know what face he’s making, but clearly he can’t keep his confusion and incredulity hidden. “It’s...nothing. Maybe I just need to think about this more.”
His mother’s face falls slightly. “Ah. Not very helpful, was it.”
“I’m sure I’ll...understand what you mean in time.”
She shakes her head. “I’m sorry, Shouto. I’m afraid that I’m really not the most...experienced, in things like this. It’s been a very long time since I...well.” Shouto swallows, the elephant in the room looming over their heads. “Maybe you could ask your siblings, or your friends?”
“...I’d like to leave my friends as a last resort,” Shouto admits. “They’re not necessarily more knowledgeable than I am, no matter how much they talk about it, and they tend to gossip.”
“Well then. Maybe Fuyumi could be more helpful? Or Natsuo—you’ve heard he has a girlfriend now, right?” She chuckles, lightly teasing at Natsuo’s expense. They have all heard, at length, about Natsuo’s girlfriend.
“Yeah. Maybe.”
————————————
The thing is, Shouto isn’t an idiot. He knows, in theory, what romance is meant to look like—Ashido has roped the rest of the class into watching her romantic comedies on movie nights enough times for him to get the gist.
Kissing is, evidently, a large part of it. Which Shouto isn’t sure how to apply to himself, because he hasn’t thought about kissing much. He never saw his parents kiss each other, for obvious reasons. If the concept hadn’t been introduced to him via cultural osmosis, he doubts it would have ever occurred to him as a thing to want. But he is aware of it regardless, and when he thinks about whether it might be something he’d like to try, he generally finds himself at least passively curious to somewhat interested.
When he allows himself to think about kissing Midoriya specifically , he...has no idea what to make of the way his entire body heats up. Like his quirk is going haywire. He knows it probably means something , but the sensation is so oddly uncomfortable, he isn’t sure if it’s the one people rave about in all those songs.
He wonders if it’s related to the sensation called “butterflies in your stomach”. THAT he knows he’s felt before—especially around Midoriya. But it’s also somewhat difficult to distinguish from just...regular anxiety, which he’s also felt before. Especially around Midoriya. One is supposed to be positive, and the other negative. Being unable to separate the two consistently makes it seem unreliable as a means of identifying romantic interest.
A desire for touch is also involved with romance, he’s pretty sure. Hugging, holding hands, cuddling—that sort of thing. This one, Shouto is aware he has. In fact, the urge to touch Midoriya bubbles up practically every time Shouto sees him. It’s...difficult to deal with, sometimes. However. Shouto feels a similar deep want to touch his mother during their visits. Shouto figures it doesn’t bear thinking about whether that is romantic in nature.
Beyond that, Shouto knows he admires Midoriya immensely. He admires his other classmates too, though. But while he genuinely enjoys their company, and is immensely grateful for their presence in his life, Shouto has found that most of them tend to be...draining, in large doses. That isn’t the case with Midoriya. He doesn’t think he could ever get tired of him.
He enjoys Midoriya’s company more than anyone else’s—including his mother. There’s an ease he feels in existing around Midoriya which stood out so clearly that it was his first indication there might be something more to his feelings.
But even that doesn’t tell him much. Midoriya isn’t the only one of his friends that doesn’t drain him to be around—Asui, he’s found, is wonderful company, because she’s quiet and their temperaments compliment each other well. He doesn’t mind Shouji either, but he also doesn’t feel all that close to him. And then there’s Iida, who is sometimes...a lot, but Shouto enjoys Iida’s company so much he’s willing to endure quite a bit of tiredness.
The most damning thing he’s found, however, is that most people seem to say that when you love someone, you ‘just know’. Which is bullshit, in Shouto’s opinion, but maybe he doesn’t have the perspective to understand. Maybe he doesn’t ‘just know’ because he isn’t in love with Midoriya, and if he were...he would.
It’s frustrating, that ‘just knowing’ appears to be the angle his mother’s advice took. He was really hoping for something more concrete. So hopefully Fuyumi will be more helpful. She has a talent for explaining things.
————————————
After school on Monday, Shouto calls Fuyumi from his dorm room. She picks up immediately, as per usual.
“Shouto!! Good afternoon! What’s up?”
“Fuyumi, I had a question for you, if you aren’t busy.”
“Hah, no, I’m not. Besides, I always have time for you, Shouto.”
Shouto swallows thickly. It’s those sorts of statements that make interacting with his sister...uncomfortable, sometimes. He knows Fuyumi means well. In fact, she’s probably being as sincere as she reasonably can be. But past experience still makes it ring hollow. Shouto knows It’s not really her fault. She’s clearly trying to be better. He’s not even being fair to her, either—even if she hasn’t strictly ‘ always had time’ for him, she has always attempted to be there for him in whatever way she could. She’s done more for him than anyone else in his life.
Except for, probably...well...
“Right. So. I’ve already asked Mom. But I didn’t really understand her answer, and she seemed to think you might be able to explain it better.”
“Oh, wow. Okay. Explain what?”
“....” Shouto sighs, his cheeks heating up at the thought of having to ask this again.
“Shouto?”
“You have to promise not to laugh.”
That, predictably, makes Fuyumi chuckle. “Really??”
“Nee-san.”
“Okay, okay. I promise not to laugh!”
Shouto is still doubtful, but he supposes that’s the best he’s going to get. “How are you supposed to know when you have romantic feelings for someone?”
Silence.
“...Fuyumi?”
“I, uh...oh my gosh, I’m sorry, just. Give me a second!”
“...Okay.”
Another few moments of silence.
“Mom said—that I would be able to explain it better??”
“Not in so many words. More, she suggested I ask you, and I hoped you could.”
“Wow. Um. Okay, do you mind if I ask what Mom said that didn’t make sense to you?”
“She asked me if anyone in particular came to mind when I thought about it, and when I said yes, she said that was ‘all the answer I needed’.” He can’t keep the mild frustration out of his voice. He’d never dare give his mother attitude, but it’s a little safer, with Fuyumi.
“Hmmm. Okay, and why didn’t that help?”
Shouto suppresses a frustrated growl. Fuyumi is just asking clarifying questions, like she always does. She isn’t being obtuse on purpose. Get it together. “Because the reason I’m asking is that I’m not sure about my feelings for that person!”
“Riiight. So...hm.”
His frustration rises. “How is that supposed to be a helpful answer in the first place?”
“Okay. Well...let me think about how to...” Fuyumi hums, and Shouto waits with as much patience as he can manage. “Hear me out. You have only one specific person in mind when you say you’re unsure how you feel about them?”
“Yes.”
“This person is...one of your friends, right?”
“Yes. Who else would it be?”
“Just checking!! So if I were to ask you if you might have romantic feelings for a different friend, would you also be unsure? Or would you be very sure you don’t like them that way, and they’re just a friend?”
Huh. Maybe...wait. “...Well I might be less sure about that now.”
“Shouto!! Hang on, don’t overthink this. Trust your gut! Your instincts are really good, this is one of those things where you really need to listen to them.”
Shouto supposes that is solid advice. In that case...he pictures Iida, who might be the person he is closest to aside from Midoriya. And he can say with decent certainty that his feelings towards Iida are platonic. Strong, but platonic.
“Well then...yes. I’d say they’re definitely just a friend.”
“In that case, the fact that you’re unsure at all is a pretty decent indication that your gut is telling you it’s something more!”
He frowns. “But what if my gut is wrong? However good my instincts may be, they aren’t always correct.”
“Why would it be wrong?”
Sigh. “Fuyumi. I don’t have that much experience with having friends in the first place, let alone...this. For all I know, I could be wrong about everything.”
“...Oh, Shouto...”
Great. He’s made her sad now, reminding her of his isolated childhood. But he doesn’t know how to soften that blow, nor does he care to. Because it’s his life. It’s just the truth. How can he soften that? Why should he have to?
“Look, Nee-san, I’m just hoping for something a little bit more definitive to work with. That’s all.”
“Okay. That’s fair. I’ll try and think of something....um...”
Shouto figures he might need to be a bit more proactive, or Fuyumi might flounder indefinitely. “Have you dated anyone before?”
“Oh my goodness! Um! Hahaha, yes. A few people. Just a few, though!”
“Were they also friends first?”
“Ummm, one of them was. But two of them weren’t.”
This throws Shouto completely for a loop. “Wait, what? You can have romantic feelings for someone you don’t even know?”
He supposes, technically, he’s seen TV plotlines where people crush on a coworker or classmate they haven’t even spoken to or barely know, or where people flirt with strangers at a bar something. He just always assumed that was unrealistic and sensationalized. Or at the very least, a more...shallow form of attraction than the romance Ashido raves about. That sort of thing seemed closer to whatever it is Kaminari is so obsessed with. The purely physical.
“I—yes? Shouto, that’s...wow. Look. Let’s not complicate this! That’s not even your situation anyway, right? We don’t need to dwell on that.”
“...Okay.”
“So I did date one of my friends in high school. Yeah? That’s what you wanted to know?”
“Right. Well. How did you know you liked them as more than a friend, then?”
“Me? Uh. Hmmm...” Fuyumi hums, and then chuckles. “It’s kind of hard to pinpoint, but. I guess, if I had to say it was anything in particular, it was when I...started to really notice the little things?”
Huh. That’s new. Promising, even. “...Notice the little things?”
“Yeah. Um...I guess I realized one day that I paid more attention to him than to anybody else, even for really small things, and those really small things mattered a lot.”
“Small things like what?”
“Oh, like...cataloging every single kind of face he might make. Noticing the way his hair fell between his eyes, or how he’d play with his uniform when he was nervous. Or I couldn’t look away when a tiny piece of his hair was sticking up, no matter how hard I tried. Just...noticing things, in general, that nobody else seems to. That you don’t care to notice about anybody else, either.”
Midoriya’s hair is always more messy in the mornings when he’s actually slept well. It’s how Shouto knows when he’s lying about the quality of his sleep the night before.
Shouto thought it was fairly obvious—that anyone who cares about Midoriya would notice something like that. But was it maybe just him?
“And, hah, you know, he used to do this thing where he’d scratch behind his ear whenever he was nervous. I always thought it was really cute....”
The way Midoriya yawns when he’s tired has always reminded Shouto of a puppy. Cute, undeniably. Obviously, Midoriya is cute. Is that not a platonic observation to make?
Butterflies. He feels butterflies. He can tell they’re the good kind. It’s not anxiety, it’s...excitement? He feels. Excited.
“...but then, well. He cheated on me, so. He was a jerk all along, actually! Not cute at all!!”
Shouto tries to stop thinking about Midoriya for long enough to actually focus on the conversation, but it’s a near thing. “...Yeah. A real jerk.”
“So, um. Did that help at all?”
“...Yeah, actually. Not...fully, but. I think I understand better, now. Thanks, Nee-san.”
“O-oh! You’re welcome!!”
“I hope you find someone who treats you better.”
“Hahaha...yeah. Me, too! We’ll see!”
“Talk to you soon. Goodbye,”
Shouto hangs up perhaps a little too eagerly, because he desperately wants to send some texts to confirm some things for himself.
>>> Iida <<<
Me: Iida. A quick question.
Me: Have you noticed how Midoriya’s hair is always more messy after he’s slept well?
It takes Iida a minute or two to respond. Shouto finds himself tapping his foot impatiently and biting his lip as he waits. Then, Iida’s typing indicator pops up.
Iida:Oh! I can’t say that I have.
Iida: But thank you for pointing it out, Todoroki-kun!
Iida: You’re so observant. Now I might have a better time holding him accountable to reasonable night time hours!
...Iida hadn’t noticed. Shouto had thought, of anyone, Iida would have noticed, but he hadn’t. Shouto assumed Iida cared about Midoriya just as much as him, if not more. Iida is also a generally caring and attentive person overall. He makes it a point to keep a close eye on everyone in their class—Midoriya especially. And not even Iida had noticed this small detail that Shouto thought was obvious.
More butterflies.
Next, he considers texting Uraraka, but thinks better of it. She is generally dependable, but he doesn’t entirely trust her not to gossip. So...
>>> Asui <<<
Me: Asui. A moment, if you would.
Me: I have a question. It’s odd, but bear with me.
Asui: ah, hello todoroki-chan. this is rare to hear from you like this.
Asui: sure. what is it?
Me: Do you think Midoriya is cute?
Asui: ...youre right. that is an odd question, kero.
Me: Well?
Asui: hm
Asui: if I had to say so, yes. for a boy especially.
Me: If you had to say so?
Me: Meaning, you don’t normally think that?
Asui: well i think everyone in our class is cute sometimes.
Asui: sometimes people just do cute things.
Asui: but since you mention it, midoriya-chan is pretty cute in general, yes.
Me: So you only think that now because I mentioned it.
Asui: Yes?
Me: Thank you, Asui. That was very helpful.
Asui can be depended on to be honest to a fault, but also discreet. Other classmates may not think the same as her, but this alone is a pretty good indication that what Shouto thinks is obvious when it comes to Midoriya is not actually obvious to most. He really isn’t sure why he’s so excited.
Shouto feels. Happy?
Asui: if this were anyone else, i would think i was maybe being made fun of.
Asui: but since it’s you, i’m really not sure what to make of these questions, todoroki-chan.
Me: Don’t worry about it.
Me: I’m...gathering information.
Asui: about midoriya-chan? are you going to tell him what i said?
Me: No, I won’t.
Me: Would that be a bad thing, if I told him?
Asui: i guess not. this is just very strange.
Shouto feels a little bad that he’s put Asui so on edge. Perhaps, since she’s so trustworthy, he can be a bit more honest with her.
Me: I think Midoriya is cute.
Me: I wondered if other people thought so too.
Me: But asking this sort of question to anyone else would almost certainly erupt into gossip.
Asui: ah. that’s true enough.
Asui: but...hahaha.
Asui: this is what i mean when i said sometimes everyone is cute.
Asui: this was a very cute thing to do, todoroki-chan.
Me: ...Do you think Midoriya would think the same?
Asui: hmmm.
Asui: you know. i think he probably would.
————————————
“Good morning, Midoriya,” Shouto greets. Even now, joining Midoriya for breakfast, those butterflies are fluttering away in his stomach.
Midoriya smiles at him. “Morning, Todoroki-kun!” Then he yawns, rubbing at his eyes cutely. Shouto can’t help but smile back.
His hair isn’t as messy this morning. The yawning plus the small but noticeable (to Shouto) bags under his eyes make this obvious. “...Trouble sleeping?”
A sigh. “I...guess,” Midoriya reluctantly admits. “How do you always know!”
Shouto shrugs. For now, Shouto wants to keep all of these little things he notices close to his chest—wants to hoard them like a dragon might hoard gold. “What kept you awake?”
A small flush comes to Midoriya’s cheeks. It makes some of his freckles disappear, which is a shame, but it’s still an overall appealing look. “N-nothing! Don’t worry about it.”
Shouto raises an incredulous eyebrow. “If it were nothing, it wouldn’t have disturbed your sleep.”
Midoriya shrugs at him right back. Hm. He supposes turnabout is fair play. Shouto narrows his eyes at Midoriya, though, looking him over carefully as they both eat. His scrutiny is rewarded by allowing him to pick up on Midoriya’s hands trembling ever so slightly. He fumbles with his chopsticks more than once.
Oh.
Shouto wants to cradle those hands in his so fucking badly. But there’s a lump in his throat, preventing him from asking. Suddenly he feels afraid that his growing feelings are noticeable—that Midoriya might pick up them, and feel burdened by their weight.
The last thing he wants is to add to Midoriya’s stress, especially on what must be a hard morning. The pain in his limbs may have been what cost Midoriya sleep last night, and it’s still bothering him, keeping him from even eating breakfast in peace. And he’s doing his best to hide it, too. Shouto has been there, done that—and he knows that the effort of hiding it makes it just that much more difficult to bear.
He wishes Midoriya would complain more. Would rely more on the many people who care about him. Would rely on Shouto.
Before he’s able to work up the courage to ask about it, they finish eating and are joined by Iida, Uraraka, and Asui on the short walk to class. The weather has begun to get much colder, and Shouto takes advantage of the opportunity to walk as close to Midoriya as possible and use his left side to keep him warm. Midoriya seems to allow it—even appears grateful for it.
Asui sends him a knowing look. Shouto ignores it.
Things get harder for Shouto when class starts. He simply cannot take his eyes off of Midoriya for very long. His position in the back of the class allows him to watch Midoriya struggle to take notes all period. Midoriya drops his pencil more than once, then absently rubs at his wrists. The pain must be getting worse with all this writing. And if it had already kept him awake all night, how bad was worse?
Once first period ends, Shouto’s anxieties aren’t able to stop him this time. He stands from his desk and makes his way over, only to see Bakugou turn around in his chair to glare at Midoriya. “Oi, Deku,” he mutters. “The fuck is wrong with you?”
Ah. It seems Bakugou has also noticed something amiss. He’s not sure how to feel about that.
“N-nothing!” Midoriya stammers, unconvincingly. Bakugou narrows his eyes.
“Midoriya,” Shouto says carefully. “...Your hands are hurting you, aren’t they?”
Bakugou sits up straighter and scowls at Midoriya. “God damnit, Deku,” he growls. “What did I fucking tell you?”
Midoriya pouts, shoulders hiking up. “Kacchan, just leave it...”
Bakugou appears to already be aware of Midoriya’s issues with his hands. When did that happen? Shouto isn’t sure how to feel about that either, but for now, he’s glad to have an ally in corralling Midoriya into accepting help.
“I told you to tell Aizawa-sensei when you—”
“I just don’t see the point!” Midoriya snaps. Shouto is surprised by the sudden intensity. “There’s nothing he can do about it, anyway. There’s nothing anybody can do.”
“Well that’s bullshit,” Bakugou snarls at the same time Shouto says “That’s not true.”
Midoriya sighs, and Shouto addresses Bakugou. “What do you know?”
Bakugou shrugs. “It’s the cold weather. Fucks with his shitty bones or whatever.” He scowls at Midoriya. “And it’s only going to get worse from here, so you can’t just ignore it!”
Oh. So it’s the cold causing this?
“You don’t think I know that?” Midoriya grumbles. “I’ll deal with it, Kacchan, you don’t need to—”
“Midoriya,” Shouto urges, holding out his left hand. “May I?”
Both Midoriya and Bakugou look at him like he’s grown a second head, but Shouto just waits, unwavering. “Todoroki-kun, what...”
“Let me see your hands.”
Despite looking uncertain, Midoriya hesitantly offers his hands to Shouto. The trust makes Shouto feel so deliriously happy that he can’t suppress a small smile. Shouto wraps Midoriya’s hands in both of his own, and pours what he hopes is a steady and gentle warmth into them from his left side.
Midoriya gasps, eyes fluttering closed as the tension in his body visibly starts to ease. “Oh my gosh, Todoroki-kun...” Shouto moves with Midoriya and keeps his grip steady as the other boy leans into the touch. Shouto’s heart is beating fast with the prolonged contact, but it’s the last thing he’s worried about.
“Better?” Shouto asks.
Midoriya nods, and relieved tears spring to his eyes.
“Did the pain disturb your sleep last night?”
“...Y-yes,” Midoriya admits, biting his lip.
“You can rely on your friends, Midoriya,” Shouto says softly, squeezing his friend’s hands gently. “Don’t underestimate us so terribly.”
Midoriya’s lip wobbles. It’s cute. “Y-you’re right, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Shouto insists. “Just. Don’t let it get this bad, next time. I’m not going anywhere.”
Midoriya’s tears break free, and he instinctively tries pulling one of his hands away to wipe at them. Shouto tightens his grip and doesn’t let him. Midoriya looks surprised, but Shouto doesn’t ever want to let go. He thinks he could stand here like this forever.
Not just because he yearns for the physical contact, even though that’s a large part. But because his body is slowly brimming with a very different kind of warmth, and a realization. He has never, in his life, felt this... positively about his left side.
Shouto is long since past the point of rejecting his left side outright. After the Sports Festival, he soon understood that his fire didn’t belong to his father, and that it was simply a tool to use as Shouto saw fit. But he still felt...detached from it, in a way that made training with it a struggle. Unable to fully identify with it as his fire, for some reason.
This is his fire. Shouto’s fire is something he can use to ease Midoriya’s pain. He can see, can practically feel, how his heat is healing rather than hurting. This is the person—the hero —Shouto wants to be. It just clicks.
“...C-class is about to start,” Midoriya whispers, breaking the peace of the moment. But that’s fine. Shouto reluctantly retracts his hands. “Um—thank you, Todoroki-kun.”
Shouto doesn’t say anything like ‘it was nothing’, because it was the exact opposite of nothing. It was everything. “It was my pleasure,” he says instead. Because it’s the truth.
As Shouto heads back to his desk, he does a bit more thinking to distract from the aching loss of physical contact. While he may have helped briefly, surely this won’t be enough to keep Midoriya’s pain at bay for the duration of class. He’ll start to struggle again, before long. So before he sits down, he stops in front of Yaoyorozu’s desk, an idea forming
“Yaoyorozu.”
She looks up at him, eyebrow raised. “Todoroki-san?”
“Would it be possible for you to create two heating pads?”
In his periphery, he sees Midoriya sit up straighter. Yaoyorozu doesn’t notice, tilting her head at him in curiosity. “I suppose I could. But what for? Surely you don’t need such a thing...?”
Shouto shakes his head. “Not for me. The cold is bothering Midoriya’s hands, and heat helps. So I thought...”
Yaoyorozu perks up, glancing at Midoriya, who stiffens. “Oh! Is that so? In that case, of course!” Within seconds, two palm-sized gel packs emerge from her hands. Shouto intends to take them from her, but instead she stands to give them to Midoriya herself.
Midoriya fidgets anxiously. “Yaoyorozu-san, you really didn’t have to!!”
“Nonsense, Midoriya-san,” Yaoyorozu says, placing the heating pads on his desk. “These ought to produce steady heat for approximately two hours. Although, that’s unlikely to last you for the rest of the school day...” she hums, and promptly produces a second set, as well as a pair of odd-looking gloves. “In fact, if you place the pads inside these gloves, it ought to help distribute the heat more evenly throughout your hand! And when the heating pads have been used up, you can boil them in water to reset them for tomorrow, if necessary.”
Of course, Midoriya promptly bursts into tears. Shouto can only find it endearing, that he would be so moved by the compassion of his peers.
————————————
Shouto is almost certain of his feelings, at this point. So strictly speaking, there isn’t a need to ask Natsuo for advice.
But now he understands quite a bit better why his brother spends so much time gushing about his girlfriend. And Shouto would, perhaps, like to...indulge in something similar. If for no other reason than to confirm everything to himself without a shadow of a doubt.
Conversations with Natsuo tend to go significantly better over text than on the phone. Partially because Natsuo is almost as busy as Shouto is, what with his college classes. And partially because neither of them are as good at filling awkward silences as Fuyumi.
So Shouto doesn’t expect much when he texts his brother after school.
>>> Natsuo <<<
Me: Nii-san, could we talk?
Me: I wanted to ask you some things about you and your girlfriend, if possible.
Shouto should have figured that would attract Natsuo’s attention. He gets an immediate response.
Natsuo: About Chizue-chan??? Of course! Fire away!!
Me: How did you meet her?
Natsuo: Didnt I already tell you that, Shouto? Im pretty sure Ive already told everyone about that.
Me: Probably. But I wasn’t listening the first time, so...
Natsuo: OUCH. Hahaha.
Me: Sorry?
Natsuo: Eh, its fine. Now I get to talk about it again, so Im not actually complaining.
Natsuo: We sat next to each other in microbiology class.
Natsuo: And let me tell you. She was (and is) the most beautiful girl Ive ever SEEN!
Natsuo: I just had to talk to her.
Me: Wait. Just to be clear.
Me: You hadn’t even spoken to her, and you already knew you liked her? Romantically?
Natsuo: Uh...
Natsuo: Did I mention the part where shes gorgeous?
Me: I don’t see how that would tell you anything about whether you like her as a person.
Natsuo: You know what, I guess not.
Natsuo: Its more like...when someone is beautiful, it makes you want to get to know them. Y’know?
Natsuo: Sometimes you meet someone good-looking who turns out to be a dud, but you wouldnt know that without giving in to the urge to talk to them.
Me: So. Would you say that you were attracted to her physically at first, but actual romantic feelings happened once you got to know her better?
Natsuo: Uh. Sure?
Natsuo: Yo, Shouto, why are you asking all this in the first place?
Me: Things like this don’t come intuitively to me, I guess.
Me: I’ve already asked mom and Fuyumi a bit about it.
Natsuo: Oh damn. How did that go?
Me: Mom...tried. Fuyumi helped explain a little better.
Natsuo: Explain what, though?
Me: How to know when you have romantic feelings for someone.
Natsuo: ....
Natsuo: Shouto. Do you have a crush???
Me: I don’t know about a crush.
Me: But as for someone I like romantically...I think so. Probably.
Me: I wasn’t sure at first. I’m more sure now.
Natsuo: Wow!!! Okay, you HAVE to tell me about her.
Me: Her?
Natsuo: The girl you like?!
Me: The person I think I like is a boy.
Natsuo: Oh. Uh...
Something goes cold in Shouto’s chest. He doesn’t know if what he’s feeling is fear, or dread, or what. But it’s bad. Has he gotten this all completely wrong? Did Fuyumi and his mother also assume the person he liked was a girl, and so hadn’t said anything about this? He hadn’t specified Midoriya’s gender to either of them. He hadn’t thought it would matter. But now that he does think about it...he hasn’t seen a movie or TV show where the romantic interests are the same gender....
Me: Does it...not work that way?
Me: Does it only count as romantic if the person is the opposite gender?
Natsuo: No!!! No no no no.
Natsuo: You can like whoever, Shouto! Girls, boys, anyone in between, theres no rules!
Relief floods through Shouto so violently he has to go lie down. Fuck.
Me: Oh. Okay. That’s a relief.
Me: I was about to feel very stupid.
Natsuo: Just...uh. Maybe dont tell dad about this.
Me: Why would I tell him anything? It’s none of his business.
Natsuo: Good point, haha.
Natsuo: Anyway. So are you going to tell me about him, or not?!
Me: I will.
Me: But I wanted to ask a few more questions first, if that’s okay.
Natsuo: Alright, alright. Sure.
Me: How did you know your feelings for Chizue were romantic, rather than just physical, I guess.
Natsuo: Uh.
Natsuo: I’m gonna be honest. I havent even thought about that before.
Natsuo: It never occurred to me that those might be separate things.
Me: Oh. Are they normally not?
Natsuo: Nah, I think you may be on to something, actually.
Natsuo: Your way of thinking about things is cool, Shouto.
Well that came out of nowhere. He has no idea how to respond.
Truthfully, the fact that this entire subject is so difficult for him to grasp has made him wonder whether there is something... wrong with him? But then again, Shouto knows there are probably a lot of things wrong with him, due to his upbringing. His complete lack of social life and his isolation from even his family feels like as good a reason as any for his social development to be stunted. Just another thing for him to overcome, really. It doesn’t bear worrying too much about.
Me: ...Thanks?
Me: Anyway. Other than her appearance, what do you like about Chizue?
Natsuo: If you ask me that, well be here all day, hahaha.
Me: I’ll rephrase.
Me: How does it feel to like her, then?
Natsuo: Oh, man, Shouto, let me tell you.
Natsuo: Its the best feeling in the world. Ive never liked anyone as much as I like her.
Natsuo: Im pretty sure I love her, even.
Natsuo: I think about her literally all the time. When Im with her, I never want to be anywhere else.
Natsuo: I can talk to her about pretty much anything and its as easy as breathing.
Natsuo: I even told her about dad. And Touya. And you. Everything.
Natsuo: And she listened. I dont have to hold anything back.
Shouto’s throat feels tight. He stares at the words his brother sent him. Reads and re-reads them.
Me: I see.
Natsuo: You okay, Shouto?
Natsuo: Sorry, that was like. A lot, probably.
Me: I’m very happy for you.
Me: I just need a second.
Natsuo: Ok.
Shouto feels tears well up in his eyes. It’s nothing at all like Midoriya’s usual waterworks, but it still surprises him. He’s not even sad, or upset. He is just suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. Good emotion. Relief and fondness and that heavy, all-consuming warmth. Like the feeling he gets when he thinks about kissing Midoriya, but without any of the discomfort.
Natsuo just described how he feels about Midoriya word for word.
So. He knows what this means, then. And there aren’t even butterflies, this time—just a warm, comfortable certainty that this is right.
Me: I feel the same.
Me: About Midoriya, I mean.
Me: I guess this confirms it, then.
Natsuo: Oh, man. Shouto...
Natsuo: I cannot tell you how glad I am to hear that.
Natsuo: You make sure to tell Mom and Fuyumi too, yeah?
Natsuo: But only after you tell me more about him!!!!
Me: Sure.
Me: Midoriya is...
Me: I think he saved my life, in a way.
Natsuo: Woah.
Natsuo: Wait, when?? Was it one of those times your class was attacked??
Me: I don’t mean it literally.
Me: Although I’m sure he’s done that, too, and will in the future. He’s an amazing hero.
Me: I mean...
Wait. Maybe he shouldn’t talk about this. About how miserable he was before Midoriya reached out to him. Surely, that would make Natsuo feel guilty, right?
Me: On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t say. I don’t want to upset you, talking about the past.
Natsuo: Dont worry about it, Shouto. You dont need to sugarcoat it.
Natsuo: It was shit. I know that already. Trying to pretend it didnt happen doesn’t actually fix anything.
Me: Fuyumi gets upset whenever I talk about it. Mom gets...quiet.
Natsuo: Well, Im not them.
Natsuo: Tell me whatever you want, Shouto. You dont need to hide things from me just to spare my feelings.
Natsuo: I know so little already. Id rather know than not, even if its hard to hear.
Shouto has never appreciated his older brother more than in this moment. This means...everything.
Me: Thank you, Nii-san.
Me: That means a lot. More than I think I can express.
Natsuo: Well you can repay me by telling me what you meant about Midoriya!!
Me: Ah. Well...
Me: Before I met Midoriya. I think I was very alone.
Me: You weren’t around, I couldn’t bring myself to see Mom. Fuyumi was there, but she never really...reached out. I don’t think she knew how.
Me: Midoriya didn’t even know me. I gave him every reason to dislike me, even.
Me: I was rude and confrontational. Tried to rope him in to my own personal grudge against Father against his will and, at first, without his knowledge.
Me: But for some reason, he decided to care anyway. He tried so hard to reach out to me, even when I was being stubborn, that he practically forfeited our Sports Festival match—which I know must have been important to him—and he permanently disfigured himself.
Me: He shrugged off those scars like they were nothing. Like helping me just mattered that much to him.
Me: No one had ever done anything like that for me before. No one ever cared that much. He was the first.
Me: He reminded me what it felt like to have something that mattered to me other than anger at father.
Me: Before that. I think I was just...going through the motions of living without actually feeling alive.
Me: But he changed that. He saved me.
Me: I have friends now. I have things I care about, goals I want to work hard towards for myself. A future to look forward to.
Me: I feel like a person, instead of just...a thing. A “creation”.
Me: I was able to go see Mom because of him. I feel able to talk to you and Fuyumi because of him.
Me: When I’m with him, all I can think about is him and how amazing he is, and there’s no room for any of the things that used to tear me apart inside.
Me: Yesterday, I didn’t even think about Endeavor a single time.
Me: I keep discovering new things about myself when I’m around him.
Me: I owe him everything.
Me: So. I think it makes sense, that I would love him. Right?
Me: That’s what this is?
Me: Another new thing I get to feel, thanks to him. It never stops. He never stops.
Me: Just today, his hands were hurting horribly because of the cold weather, and he tried to hide it.
Me: I realized I could use my left side to ease his pain. I never thought of myself or my flames as able to do something like that. It made me feel more...whole.
Me: I wish I could tell him all of this. I wonder what he’d say.
Me: He’d probably cry. He cries a lot. I admire that about him.
Me: I wish I could be as free with my emotions as he is with his. I’m learning, though.
Me: Oh. I just realized I’ve typed a whole lot.
Me: Sorry. I just kept going on. Are you still there?
Me: Was this too much?
Natsuo: No!! No it wasnt too much.
Natsuo: Thank you for telling me all this.
Natuso: Youre amazing.
Natsuo: I had no idea exactly how amazing until now, maybe.
Natsuo: Also, I had to take a second because I was crying a bunch and could barely read.
Me: You were crying??
Me: I didn’t mean to make you cry. I apologize.
Natsuo: Good tears!! They were good tears.
Me: Oh. Okay.
Natsuo: Do you mind if I maybe...screenshot all of that and send it to Fuyumi?
Natsuo: Unless youd rather tell her yourself, or not tell her anything, or...
Me: Sure, go ahead. It will probably save time.
Me: I think I will write a letter about it for Mom, though. She already knows some of it.
Natsuo: Sure.
Natsuo: Shouto, um...
Natsuo: Do you think we could meet him, maybe? Midoriya.
Natsuo: I think I would really like to meet him.
Natsuo: Fuyumi and Mom will probably feel the same, not that I can speak for them.
Natsuo: But also we wouldnt want to make things awkward for the two of you. You arent even dating!
Natsuo: Assuming you even want to date him. Do you?
Me: I haven’t begun to think about dating yet. I’ll get back to you on that.
Me: But I would love for you to meet him. I will ask him.
————————————
Shouto doesn’t waste time. It’s still relatively early in the evening—Midoriya is likely doing homework or studying in his room. He won’t be hard to find.
This turns out to be incorrect. He searches the entire dorm—everywhere it might be reasonable—and he’s nowhere to be found.
“Iida,” Shouto asks in the common room.. “Have you seen Midoriya?”
Iida checks the time. “Hmmm...I believe he might be out at the gymnasium for a late afternoon workout. He really ought to be back by now, or he’s going to miss curfew.”
Uraraka sighs. “Aaah, Deku-kun! Always overdoing it!”
Shouto frowns. Another workout? After his usual morning run, and their regular heroics training? With his hands acting up like they were in class? Overdoing it is right. He shakes his head. “I’ll go fetch him, then.”
“And see if you can’t find Bakugou-kun as well!” Iida says as Shouto makes his way to the front door. “He is also out far too late!”
“...Sure,” Shouto agrees, reluctantly. He only really wants to talk to Midoriya. Alone. But he’ll just...hope he doesn’t run into Bakugou, then. Iida worrying about Bakugou missing curfew is excessive, anyway—Bakugou is notorious for always turning in early.
Unfortunately, that’s not how things work out. On his way to the dorm gymnasium, he passes gym Gamma, and he can hear very distinctive explosions and screaming coming from inside. Damn.
With a sigh, he changes course and pokes his head through one of the doors. He freezes at what he finds.
Bakugou and Midoriya are rocketing around the gym, and it seems like Bakugou is technically being chased. As much as Bakugou would ever allow that, at any rate. Interestingly, All Might is sitting in the bleachers, likely supervising.
After observing for a minute, Midoriya uses that 'black whip' move he’d discovered during joint training with Class 1-B. A tendril shoots out in an attempt to wrap around Bakugou, but Bakugou is able to break free with ease. He crows in triumph, and Midoriya curses in frustration.
Ah. Shouto sees, now. Bakugou is helping Midoriya train this new aspect of his quirk by acting as a target for Midoriya to catch with it. Interesting. He sees why Bakugou would be a good candidate—he’s incredibly mobile.
Despite Shouto knowing he wouldn’t be nearly as much help, he wishes Midoriya had thought to ask him anyway.
Shouto enters and lets the door close behind him, coughing to gain someone’s attention. Midoriya and Bakugou are distracted, but All Might notices him.
“Ah! Young Todoroki!”
“Hello,” Shouto greets, walking over.
“What brings you here, my boy?” All Might asks with a grin.
“I was hoping to talk to Midoriya...” he replies, hands in his pockets as he watches his two classmates go at it. “Also, Iida wanted me to fetch the both of them. He’s worried they’ll miss curfew.”
All Might checks the time. “Shit! You’re right! It’s getting quite late.” He coughs and claps his hands. “Alright boys!! Time to wrap it up!!”
Midoriya is distracted by All Might, which Bakugou immediately takes advantage of to pin Midoriya aggressively. “Hah! Where are you looking, shitnerd??”
“Kacchan, training is over—!” Midoriya protests as Bakugou manhandles him.
“It sure is!” Bakugou shouts smugly. “Because I win!!”
“Okay, okay! Sure! You win!”
It takes another minute for either of them to even notice Shouto is there, standing next to All Might with his arms crossed. Neither he nor All Might are impressed with their situational awareness.
“Icyhot?” Bakugou croaks, mildly surprised.
“T-todoroki-kun??” Midoriya squeaks, much more surprised. Shouto waves. “H-how long have you been standing there??”
“About...three minutes,” Shouto says. Bakugou huffs and Midoriya flushes in embarrassment.
“What are you doing here??” Midoriya asks. Bakugou rolls his eyes and stomps towards the locker room. To change, presumably.
“I wanted to talk, but couldn’t find you.”
“O-oh!” Midoriya is still out of breath, and a bead of sweat trails down his cheek. Shouto’s eyes follow it. “Sure! What about?”
All Might is still standing right there. This isn’t necessarily a secret, but it is...private. He hums. “Why don’t you go get changed first. We’ll talk on the way back.”
A few minutes later, Shouto and Midoriya are thankfully headed back to the dorms alone. Bakugou left quite a bit ahead of them.
“How are your hands?” Shouto asks, worried.
“Ummm...” Midoriya experimentally flexes and clenches them. “Mostly fine? Getting a little stiff now, from the cold.”
“So the heating pads helped?”
Midoriya beams at him, and Shouto feels his cheeks hear up in response. “So much!! I have to do something nice for Yaoyorozu-san in return, it was amazing! Normally my hands cramp so bad during class my notes end up so sloppy. But those gloves were genius!”
“Hang on,” Shouto says. “Normally your hands cramp? How long has this been going on for?” How had Shouto only just now noticed?
Looking bashful, Midoriya bites his lip. “Oh. Ummm...like...a month?”
Shouto reels. “A month?”
Midoriya flails. “B-but it was just particularly bad today! I swear! Normally it’s way more manageable! And my handwriting was never very good anyway!!!”
Still. Shouto frowns, upset with himself that he hadn’t noticed sooner. “But the pain was so bad last night you couldn’t sleep. How often has that happened?”
“O-oh, that was the first time!” Midoriya says. “I promise!!”
Shouto is skeptical, but...while Midoriya often hides things via deflection, he doesn’t usually outright lie. So Shouto decides he will take that at face value, for now. “Alright...”
“Sooo...” Midoriya says. “That isn’t what you wanted to talk about, is it?”
“No. I wanted to...ask you a favor, I suppose.”
Midoriya’s smile softens into something fond and kind. It makes Shouto’s heart do something funny in his chest. “Anything for you, Todoroki-kun.”
Oh. God. Shouto swallows thickly.
“...My brother asked me if he could meet you,” Shouto says, voice wavering embarrassingly.
Midoriya blinks. Then goes bright crimson. “W-wait, WHAT?? Your?? Your brother???”
“And probably my sister, too. And my mom.”
“YOUR MOM WANTS TO MEET ME???”
“Well...” Shouto scratches his cheek. “She hasn’t said as much yet, but my brother thinks it’s likely she will.”
Flailing and stammering, Midoriya stops in his tracks. “Wha—but— why??”
It’s Shouto’s turn to flush darkly. “Well. I told them about you. And how you’re...important to me. So they said they wanted to meet you."
Midoriya gapes for a moment, still crimson. Then he hides his face in his hands and babbles incoherently, crouching low to the ground in mortification. Shouto blinks down at him, disarmed once again by Midoriya being...adorable.
Shouto coughs. “I was thinking...maybe you could come over for dinner with my siblings at our house this weekend?” he asks, heart in his throat, butterflies in his stomach.
Midoriya peeks up at him from between his fingers. “I...um...”
Cute.
“...I’ll make sure Endeavor isn’t there, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Midoriya allows his hands to drop from his face. “I mean...I wasn’t...but. I-it’s his house!! I’m pretty sure he already doesn’t like me, you don’t think that would be a bad idea...?”
Shouto shrugs. “He recently announced his intention to ‘atone’ for his wrongs. I’m still on the fence about it, but if he was sincere, I think he can handle being told not to come home for dinner one night. Also, I wouldn’t tell him about you.”
Biting his lip, Midoriya stands back up, fidgeting. “I...guess...”
“So...” Shouto almost wants to fidget a little, himself. “Will you come?”
Midoriya still looks quite anxious. But then he takes a long, deep breath, and his meekness transforms into that look of determination that sometimes makes Shouto feel a little awestruck. “...Okay. I’ll come.”
Shouto smiles.