Chapter Text
⊱ ──────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ──────── ⊰
If you had to pick a word to describe what you knew of school life, it had to be Monochrome. Contrary to expectations, you couldn't say there were very many things that excited you as a middle-schooler. It seemed that you were merely getting by the five days of the week as they dragged their long tail along.
However, you soon came to realize there were certain things in life that would infuse your world in several shades before you have a chance to blink in all the colours.
One of them was Kim Seungmin.
A sort of baseball fanatic you'd come to know from being the manager of the school's middle school baseball team, you only doing so because a friend of yours was into the sport herself.
As it turns out, it was one of the best decisions middle school you could've made. Because not only was baseball actually a fascinating sport where you'd learned the value of teamwork and all that, but the many after school meetings and consolation or celebration sessions after matches (depending) meant many chances for you to get to know the people you go to school with, especially Seungmin.
Seungmin, who you learned was a clever and driven team player with a dedication for his passions. Yes, passions. Those many meetings with the team would often lead to all the members goofing around and inviting you to join them to all sorts of entertaining places - parks, diners, karaoke, you name it.
And it became evident to you that wherever you all went, whenever there was music in the background or even when a song was playing as you were walking down the street, Seungmin, with this glint in his eyes, would always start following along with the melody. None of the others seemed to pay much attention, but, without fail, you were enraptured by his sweet, honey-like voice.
Eventually, you'd accompany him whenever he's on his own and, at a pace you didn't quite register until it progressed thus far, the relationship you had with him became what you cherished most about school, and by extension, life.
The space between you grew comfortable and you could barely stand a day without seeing him and talking to him. His steadfast attitude and level-headedness matched with his silly, albeit sometimes strange sense of humour whenever he wanted to catch you off guard or just brighten your day were what you came to adore about him.
His habit of journaling every single day, of capturing every precious moment with that camera of his and held these pieces dear to him were ways he showed appreciation of the time you two spent together.
The assurance that he was there whenever you needed an ear to listen to you or a shoulder to lean on and try his best to give you sound advice was what you appreciated oh so gratefully.
Even when he wasn't with you physically, he made sure you knew you had him until he could be. With curious or concerned texts, and thoughtful birthday presents you hadn't quite hinted at enough for him to pick up on.
"Headphones?" you held up an expensive-looking pair of headphones in your favourite colour out of the package.
He nodded, taking a picture of your slightly confused but grateful expression in the scene. "Yeah, you said you didn't have a pair. And I wanted to make sure you could listen to all the songs I recommend you in the best quality." You immediately wrapped him in a hug.
Those were especially useful for you to wear at home. Where you'd blast music into your ears until you couldn't pick up a word of what your parents were violently arguing about in the next room. So that you wouldn't know when glass was shattered or when another one of the chair legs was broken.
You would block it all out. Even if it turned deafening.
Just another way Kim Seungmin would keep you grounded. In school, at home, and elsewhere.
During this time he would also bring you to rowdy baseball stadiums to watch matches with him as well as to booming concerts of his favourite bands and music artists.
It was during this time that you couldn't quite untangle your feelings for him. What do you call this yearning feeling you get whenever his presence wasn't beside you? What about the speed of the smile that spreads on your face when you read a text from him? Or the bubbling euphoria you get when you finally do see him and the warmth that engulfs your body whenever he hugged you?
When you eventually did explain all of this to him, he graciously accepted your feelings with his whole heart and the sheer bliss carried you all the way to your first year of high school. This was when he revealed that he was going to try to pursue music and singing in place of baseball. Of course, anything that would make him happy you supported.
At the same time, your now recognized feelings grew, the rest of the world seemed to drift away. He would notice that when talking to other people, you'd miss out on bits of the conversation as if you weren't there periodically and that you'd play videos on your phone too loudly even though you didn't realize.
It wasn't until a night out at karaoke, right in the middle of everyone belting out, the sound of the song and coloured lyrics on the screen blaring at you, that your ears just stopped picking up sound and you were left in silence. Only ringing pain resonating in your ears.
Seungmin immediately went over to you on your crouched position on the floor and your hands cupping your ears as your eyes darted around in pain and shock searching for an answer. He shouted for the music to be turned off and ushered you out the room and out the karaoke building.
Next thing you knew, you were waiting with your Dad in the doctor's office except their voices were all muffled so you couldn't make out their exchange and ended up blanking out. You were only reanimated upon seeing Seungmin's slouched, fidgeting figure in the waiting room outside as he jolted out of his chair when he saw you.
"It's most likely NIHL, Noise-Induced Hearing Loss," the doctor explained, continuing and sighing when she saw the confused yet concerned look on his face. "She's probably been exposed to noisy environments or constantly plays music on a volume much too high through earphones over a long period of time. I recommend fitting her some hearing aids if she wants her life to continue as normal."
That night, not once did he complain about having his clothes soaked by your tears or his arm going numb from you squeezing and holding onto it so hard. But not once did he try to say anything to console you either, he just let you lay there in his arms for as long as it took for your emotions to tire you out and carried you home.
Without exchanging a word, you both mutually agreed to take some time off for you to adjust to the news: that your hearing would be permanently impaired. That you'd never truly be able to listen to him sing again. That thought alone led you to your decision.
A few weeks later, you called him up to meet outside your house where you sat under a bench in the shade of a tree. He sat close to you if only for the consideration that you wouldn't have to strain your hearing. He was staring at you intently trying to be patient, but you could tell he was trying to steady his breathing.
You sighed and looked into his eyes, only to shut them for fear of the pain that they would hold in mere moments.
"Seungmin, I- I know how you've been wanting to pursue singing recently," you started softly, "And, I know how passionate you are about this, so I don't want to think you have to stop because of me."
"But (Y/N) if it brings you pain then-" he tried to argue but stopped when he felt you squeezing his hand, wordlessly begging him not to make this any more painful than it is.
"My dad's leaving my mom and I'm going with him. I'm moving schools during my second year. I want you to forget about this- about me and keep singing. Because you- your voice- everything about you is beautiful. Promise me?"
He grasped your hands in return, staying silent for moment much too long. He hung his head as the weight of your words reached his heart. "I'm sorry..." he eventually breathed out.
At this point you were both struggling to hold back tears. You clasped both his hands and held them to your chest so he could feel your unsteady heart beating, absolutely aching with guilt. "Don't be, I'd rather hear a single 'Thank you' than a hundred 'I'm sorry's." You stood up from the bench and placed a light kiss by his ear.
"Thank you, Seungmin."
»»---------------------►
On stage, three years later, was Kim Seungmin, the official main vocalist of one of the leading groups of the fourth generation of K-Pop, Stray Kids.
There he was, standing before an entire concert hall of hundreds of beloved Stays gathered here just to see them perform. It was up here that Seungmin truly felt like he made it.
They were about to perform their last song of the night when he noticed, that among the sea of fans in the audience below, was a pair of all too familiar eyes that shone with pride from the reflection of the stage lights, and a pair of glimmering hearing aids in her ears. And suddenly he felt like he was in middle school again. It only took a second for all the memories and emotions to come over him.
Now he had another reason to push through with his best performance in this last song.
He swept a glance to make sure the focus was on the other members, his hands cupped in place on either sides of his mouth. He turned to the direction where he saw her and saw her pointing a camera at him. The corners of his lips pulled up in a smile as he mouthed a subtle, but meaningful "Thank you."