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Day 01 - 累了 | Tired

Summary:

Bonus for episode 8: It's the evening after Jiang Yuelou and Chen Yuzhi went home from the morgue, after they came to the conclusion that they literally had no choice but to become friends. The events of the day come crushing down on Chen Yuzhi once more and Jiang Yuelou realizes how much the doctor needs him.

Notes:

evilmoonlight, this story was heavily inspired by your KaH Tweets in the last weeks which brightened up my days so much. As our fandom is so small there are often times when it feels like the whole world has forgotten about this little gem but then there are people like you (and our other crazy moots at Twitter 😆) who keep this fandom alive. Thanks for this and a great inspiration 💖

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

After the brief but heated discussion outside the morgue, they had both calmed down on the way back to Shou Xi Road. Jiang Yuelou knew that it was now more important than ever to keep his own feelings in check. It certainly wasn't easy for him, and usually he wouldn't have been able to keep calm for so long, but for him, for Chen Yuzhi, he needed to manage himself, his emotions.

The doctor needed him more than ever. He had looked at him in tears and said that he no longer had a family, that with Keying's death, his family had ceased to exist. Jiang Yuelou fought down the selfish, stabbing feeling in his heart that Chen Yuzhi's words caused. When he told him that he still had him*, he meant it, as a friend, a companion, even as family. Whatever it was the young doctor needed.

Now, sitting outside the gate to Chen Yuzhi's house, they had talked, perhaps for the first time properly, and had come to the realization that they should make a serious attempt to be friends.

Chen Yuzhi yawned. No wonder, it was late and everything that had happened today had taken an incredible toll on his strength, but he avoided thinking about saying goodbye to Jiang Yuelou. That would only mean one thing: being alone here, where everything reminded him of his little sister, his sunshine. He could hardly bear the thought of it.

"You should go to bed, Chen Yuzhi. You need to rest or you'll get sick."

"I... not yet Yuelou, a few more minutes, alright?"

"As long as you want, but you really should rest."

"I know, but..."

Instead of finishing the sentence, Chen Yuzhi turned his gaze upwards and looked at Jiang Yuelou. There was something longing in his gaze. His lips were trembling very lightly, barely perceptible, and Jiang Yuelou had the impression that he wanted to say something else. But Chen Yuzhi averted his eyes and remained silent.

Jiang Yuelou tilted his head a little and looked at him, and then he understood what Chen Yuzhi hadn't said. He got up from the bike's rack, realizing that his butt was sore where the metal had pressed into his skin for too long, and sat down on the doorstep next to Chen Yuzhi without saying a word.

Chen Yuzhi took his foot off the threshold and made room for him.

The doctor's gaze lingered on Jiang Yuelou's face, at least until the policeman returned it. With slightly flushed cheeks, Chen Yuzhi fixed his gaze on the pavement in front of his feet.

Jiang Yuelou smiled. A warm mixture of compassion and affection. Then he put his arm around Chen Yuzhi's shoulder and unconsciously stroked the fabric of his jacket with his thumb. Chen Yuzhi's body tensed for a split second, but then Jiang Yuelou could feel him relax.

"Today is the worst day of my entire life, Jiang Yuelou," Chen Yuzhi's soft voice broke through the silence of the night street after they had been sitting next to each other in silence for a few minutes.

Instinctively, Jiang Yuelou tightened his grip around Chen Yuzhi's shoulders a little.

"It's good that you're here."

Before Jiang Yuelou could say anything back, Chen Yuzhi yawned again. Twice. But the policeman didn't have the heart to tell him again that it would be better if he went to sleep now. Instead, he lifted his left hand, which had been resting on Chen Yuzhi's shoulder until now, and tousled his hair a little.

Completely unexpected, Chen Yuzhi leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. He swallowed and a few seconds later, tears welled up under his closed eyelids.

"Hey," Jiang Yuelou said softly.

Without opening his eyes, Chen Yuzhi leaned even more in his direction and buried his face in the crook of Jiang Yuelou's neck. Chen Yuzhi sobbed softly and Jiang Yuelou could feel some of his tears running down his neck.

As hard-boiled as he had been because of everything he had been through in his life so far, how soft the doctor made him was something new to him. His sorrow touched him deeply, so deeply that tears came to his eyes, not for the first time today.

He knew the feeling of having lost his entire family and he wanted to stand by Chen Yuzhi as best he could in these dark times, even though he knew that they would hardly have time to rest a bit. Jinma Tang barely allowed them to breathe, but at least tonight he would make sure Chen Yuzhi got the rest he so desperately needed.

"I'm so tired, Yuelou," Chen Yuzhi murmured.

Jiang Yuelou could feel his warm breath on the skin on his neck, but whatever that strange feeling was that it triggered in him, now was not the time to dwell on it, now was only the young doctor that mattered.

"Let's get you to bed, hm?" Jiang Yuelou replied.

For a moment, Chen Yuzhi's body seemed to tense up, as if he had an abysmal aversion to this suggestion, but then he relaxed again and broke free from the embrace they had been sitting in on the threshold for several minutes. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand to get rid of the last remnants of his tears and smiled at Jiang Yuelou for a moment.

"Thank you for being here, Yuelou."

Jiang Yuelou's heartbeat quickened, at Chen Yuzhi's gentle words and those dark brown eyes that were still glistening from the tears he had shed and were so close that normally he would have found it extremely uncomfortable. But they were his eyes and nothing about his closeness made him uncomfortable, in fact it never had.

Chen Yuzhi tried to stifle the next yawn, even though he was not very successful. Then he stood up, seeming to have finally found enough strength to give in to sleep, to the darkness and loneliness. Jiang Yuelou stood next to him and looked scrutinizingly at his face. The doctor seemed a lot calmer now.

"I'm going to sleep. You're right, Yuelou, I need to rest."

"I can stay if you want."

Chen Yuzhi looked at him in surprise and for a moment it seemed as if he wanted to accept the offer, but then he shook his head with a slight smile and turned his gaze to the ground.

"No, it’s alright. You've done enough."

"Let me know if you need anything."

"One thing, Jiang Yuelou."

"What?"

"Promise me you won't blame yourself, alright? It wasn't your fault."

The corners of Jiang Yuelou's mouth curled into a smile, and Chen Yuzhi once again proved how well he knew him even though they had only known each other for such a short time. He saw right through him.

"Stop blaming yourself, Yuelou."

"I'm working on it, Yuzhi, I promise."

"That's good. Good night."

"Good night."

Jiang Yuelou turned around and took a step when he heard a soft, "Jiang Yuelou?"

He immediately turned to Chen Yuzhi.

"What is it. Do you need anything else?"

"Can we maybe...," Chen Yuzhi hesitated.

"Would you mind if we have breakfast together tomorrow? Before work?"

I usually don't eat breakfast. You want to work tomorrow? You should take a few days off.

Jiang Yuelou had some thoughts running through his mind, but the words that came over his lips said something completely different.

''Gladly. I'll come over. When would be best for you?"

He could also talk about Chen Yuzhi taking tomorrow off over breakfast.

"Around seven?"

"Great."

Chen Yuzhi smiled and looked a little less sad than before.

"See you tomorrow then, Yuelou."

"See you tomorrow."

If there hadn’t happened so many terrible things today, Jiang Yuelou would definitely have whistled a soft tune on the short walk to his house. He felt bad for feeling a little bit good right now. His heart was pounding like that of a teenager. This man impressed him more and more every day.

Despite everything that had happened today, after the brief argument outside the morgue, the young doctor had regained his composure surprisingly quickly. He had made him understand that there was no doubt in his mind that Keying had simply been a victim in Jinma Tang's plan.

A plan that should have led to them falling out, so that Jiang Yuelou would have one less ally on his way to finally put a stop to organized crime in Jingcheng and thus weaken his fighting spirit.

Jiang Yuelou paused in mid-stride as the realization hit him like a blow.

Jinma Tang had to assume that Chen Yuzhi was very important to him, that losing him as a confidant would have been a huge setback for him.

How important do they think he is to me?

And then came the second question, which was even more important for Jiang Yuelou.

How important do I think he is?

Silently, almost as if frozen, he stood in the middle of the street and thought. The answer was actually simple, but he wasn't ready for it yet. This was all new and there were so many things he had to take care of that could not be delayed, and he clearly felt that now was simply not the right time to deal with such questions.

He slowly walked the last few steps to his house. Xiao Bai meowed as he unlocked the door and begged for attention after he had entered the house and closed the gate.

About half an hour later, he lay in bed, having turned out the light a few minutes ago and tried to sleep. He found it difficult to rest. The images of the day flashed before his mind again and again. Keying's burnt face, the timid trust she had shown him after only a short time and that he had let down so horribly.

Stop blaming yourself, Yuelou.

Heavens, the doctor had already settled very deeply into his mind and heart. Jiang Yuelou smiled in the darkness of the bedroom and drifted off to sleep after all.

*Knock. Knock. Knock.*

Jiang Yuelou's eyes popped open. Someone was at the gate. In the middle of the night, it had to be important. He hurriedly got up, put on his slippers and walked quickly to see who was standing outside his gate so late.

With a slightly queasy feeling, he opened it and blinked twice.

"Yuzhi?"

Chen Yuzhi stood in front of his gate and looked at him sheepishly. His eyes were red and Jiang Yuelou guessed that he hadn't slept yet. His pyjamas were peeking out from under his coat.

"Come in. What are you doing here?"

Chen Yuzhi entered and they went into the living room together.

"I couldn't sleep Yuelou. I can't... I... I can't be alone. I can't stand it, not tonight. Can I... can I stay here? Just tonight."

Jiang Yuelou was unaware of the loving expression on his face as he placed his left hand on Chen Yuzhi's shoulder and looked him in the eye. His hand moved up a little and came to rest on the back of his neck. His thumb gently stroked the skin.

"Of course you can stay here."

"Thank you Yuelou."

"I told you, whatever you need, tell me and you'll have it. If it's my bed you need, you'll get it."

Chen Yuzhi's expression suddenly changed and then he let out a guffaw. Jiang Yuelou was completely irritated, even though it made him feel good that the doctor was laughing, and then it struck him and he realized how that must have sounded just now. Embarrassed, he took his hand off Chen Yuzhi's neck.

"Uh... I...," he stammered.

"You... you know what I meant, right?"

"Yes, but... hahaha... you also know... haha haha, that it could have easily been taken the wrong way."

Chen Yuzhi sighed after the small fit of laughter was over.

"Thanks. That was good for me, Yuelou."

Hearing your laughter is good for me, was on the tip of Jiang Yuelou's tongue, but it wasn't the right time.

"Let's go to sleep, Yuzhi."

Chen Yuzhi nodded and followed Jiang Yuelou into the bedroom. He felt a bit like an intruder, especially since the bed clearly showed that Jiang Yuelou had been lying in it not too long ago.

Embarrassed, he cleared his throat.

"The sofa in the living room is enough for me, Yuelou."

"As if I would let you sleep in the living room. I hope you don't mind that the bed isn't freshly made."

"Really, I can sleep in the living room. This is your house, after all."

"Yes, exactly, it’s my house, I make the rules. The guest sleeps in the bed."

"Do you let all your guests sleep in your bed?"

"Since I don't normally have guests, at least none who stays overnight, and you're the first, I have to answer yes, strictly speaking."

"I'm boring you already, but thank you, Yuelou. Thank you for everything. Without you, this horrible day would have been so much worse."

"You don't need to thank me, Yuzhi. It's no trouble and I'm glad to help you a little."

Jiang Yuelou walked to the bed and pulled back the covers a bit more as an invitation for Chen Yuzhi.

"I swear I took a shower before I went to bed."

Chen Yuzhi smiled and followed Jiang Yuelou. It was a strange feeling when he sat down on the bed. It was always strange to sit on someone else's bed, let alone lie down in it.

The bed was one of the most private places there was. His heart beat a little faster. When he covered himself up, it felt for a moment as if Jiang Yuelou was embracing him with his entire being. The light, pleasant smell of soap and something he could simply call Jiang Yuelou had a very calming effect on him.

"Without you, I would have been completely alone today, Yuelou," Chen Yuzhi murmured, sleep evident in his voice.

"Sleep Yuzhi. I'm here if you need anything."

Chen Yuzhi had already fallen asleep.

Quietly, Jiang Yuelou carried the cushioned chair that was in his bedroom to the bed and sat on it. He covered himself with a light blanket and let his gaze linger on the doctor's sleeping face.

He knew that his friend would have good and bad days for some time to come. He would be there for him whenever he needed him. For today at least, he was well enough to sleep soundly. He prayed that Chen Yuzhi would not be plagued by nightmares. Jiang Yuelou would watch over him all night and try to keep him safe from them too.

 

Notes:

*In the same scene in the audio drama Chen Yuzhi was devastated about not having any family left but Jiang Yuelou told him, "你还有我 (Nǐ hái yǒu wǒ.)." – "You still have me."