Work Text:
“I don’t care, Shawn. We are stopping here first because Rebecca always saves me a blueberry muffin on Fridays.” Gus ignored his friend further walking up to the coffee shop’s counter with a grin seeing the previously mentioned employee.
“Oh, hey. So I’m sorry but my manager made me sell the muffin to someone else just a few minutes ago. I’m so sorry it was the last blueberry muffin for the season.” Rebecca looked ready to cry. It had been a bad day all around already.
“But…” Gus looked so disappointed. “Who got my muffin?”
“Oh, yeah, I can see why the manager told her to do that.” Shawn had spotted a couple people in the back of the cafe. One who had a very iconic goatee and a blueberry muffin. He started looking at the other options still available trying to find a flavor he might be able to talk Gus into trying.
“What are you talking about, Shawn? I want my muffin.”
“It’s not your muffin anymore. But how about a lemon poppy?”
“I can’t. I might have a drug test next week at work.” Gus started looking around the cafe to see who had his muffin.
“Oh. Right.” Shawn debated if there was any psychic angle he could play to get the muffin. But something tells him this customer wouldn’t be as easy to convince as Santa Barbara Police.
“How about double chocolate chip?” Rebecca asked. She hated when Chester was on as manager, it was his decision to sell it even though the sign clearly said it was sold already. But throw enough money at Chester and he didn’t care about their actual regular customers.
Before Gus could respond the coffee shops door slammed open and a man covered in shitty body armor stormed into the cafe with a gun out.
“STARK! YOU ARE GOING TO PAY! YOU BASTARD! YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE FIRED ME! I WAS THE BEST DAMN WORKER!” The man fired his gun at the corner table but the bullet ricocheted off a red white and blue shield.
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to stop shooting now.” Came a deep voice from the man wielding the shield.
“MOTHERFUCKER, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” The man shook his gun in anger.
“Pretty sure he is ‘Captain Motherfucking America’ or would it be ‘Motherfucking Captain America’?” Shawn tilted his head trying to decide which sounded better.
“I think ‘Captain America, Motherfucker’ sounds best,” came the voice of Tony Stark who had been shoved under a table.
The guy went to shoot Shawn out of annoyance but again the shield caused the bullet to ricochet harmlessly.
“That is enough of that.” Steve Rogers threw the shield directly at the guy’s hand causing him to drop the gun.
The guy let out a cry of pain cradling his broken hand to his chest. Not noticing Shawn kick the gun away.
“Ma’am, could you please call the authorities?” Steve asked as he pushed the guy who tried to kill Tony into a booth so he couldn’t escape.
“You broke my motherfucking hand, you bag of dicks!”
“YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!” Tony had stood up from behind the table in annoyance. “Be happy you are still breathing oxygen.” Tony tapped his chest being covered in the iron man armor. “Because I am never without my armor these days.” He tapped it again making it go back into the case.
“THAT IS FUCKING AWESOME!” Shawn was bouncing up and down, already forgetting he too was almost killed moments ago.
Gus had to admit that had been pretty cool to see in person. Even if he was a blueberry muffin thief.
“Right? See Steve, not everyone is thinks my tech is useless.”
“I never said that!” Steve rolled his eyes before glancing around to make sure there were no more threats.
“Well you must think that since you shoved me under a table like a helpless damsel!” Tony frowned looking at the muffin he had ordered earlier. “Also, the last ricochet took out my muffin.”
The blueberry muffin did indeed now have a bullet sticking out of it. Both Gus and Tony seemed to mourn the destroyed blueberry muffin.
“I’m sorry I tried to save your life! I’m sorry I didn’t want to see another person I love taken right in front of me.” Steve growled in frustration.
There was silence in the coffee shop.
“Awkward way for a crush to come out,” spoke the disgruntled former employee.
“You shut the hell up. And you were a shitty employee by the way. I recognize you now. I shouldn’t be surprised you pull this when you couldn’t respect a no from any female employee who crossed your path, Mr Stormer.”
“Like you were any better about it before your little middle east vacation. It’s too bad you didn’t die there. You are a p-” The man was cut off from saying anymore as he was now unconscious from one punch.
“STEVE!”
“Nice!”
“Is he still breathing?” Gus wasn’t to sure he really wanted to help cover up Captain America murdering someone for insulting his boyfriend...potential boyfriend? He'd still do it because it was Captain America. But he was also blaming Shawn somehow for this mess. He was always the reason for chaos.
Steve sheepishly checked that the guy did still have a pulse and put him in a position to make sure his breathing wasn’t obstructed.
“Uh, 9-1-1 asked that you please not injure the suspect further if possible, Captain.” Rebecca held up the phone. “She also said that police will be here in less than five minutes now. And for everyone to wait here but not touch anything.”
“Right, yes, of course. Sorry, ma’am.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck. This was not anywhere close to how he planned to tell Tony he was interested. And he did plan to tell him no matter how much Sam and Bucky teased that he never would act.
Just then Detective Lassiter and O’Hara came through the door with guns drawn. The manager Chester had started to peek out from behind the counter but hid again seeing the guns. Rebecca just rolled her eyes and thanked 911 before hanging up.
“SPENCER! What did you do now?”
“Not my fault, Lassie. This is all on them!” Shawn gestured to Tony and Steve. “Blame Captain America for your unconscious suspect.”
The two detectives blinked lowering their guns at the sight of the men known as Captain America and Iron Man.
“Hello Detectives. I am afraid we really just need assistance until SHIELD agents arrive to take over. As Mr Stormer’s act threatened national security they’ll be taking over the investigation.” Steve held out his hand to shake theirs.
Lassiter decided that for once he was fine with giving up jurisdiction. He had no desire to get involved with superhero antics. He was already fighting the urge to twitch over the idea of Spencer involved any of it. He just shook Captain America’s hand and gave a weak smile.
“Are you okay, Gus? Shawn?” Detective O’Hara was looking over both men for injuries.
“We’re fine, Jules. But the blueberry muffin that Gus was going to fight Iron Man over is a casualty.”
“I wasn’t going to fight him over a muffin, Shawn!”
“Not after you knew it was one of your nerd idols but before that you were so going to fight him over a muffin.”
“Tony Stark is not just a nerd idol, Shawn!” Gus glared at his friend.
“Whatever. You were so going to fight him for bribing the manager for the blueberry muffin your crush set aside for you!”
“SHAWN!” Gus was getting ready to launch himself at Shawn.
“Sorry about swiping the muffin.” Tony gave an half hearted apology feeling the judgment from Steve. Probably best to make nice if he wanted to explore the little bombshell dropped earlier. “I’d hand it over to you but pretty sure it is evidence now with the bullet in it.”
“Uh. Thanks. Yeah, I prefer my muffins with blueberries, not bullets.”
“Same!” Shawn piped up ignoring the looks he was getting. “See we can all be friends again.”
“Shawn, nobody was ever not friends.” Jules gave him a smile.
“We are not friends, Spencer.” Lassiter just wanted to be done with the day.
There was groan from Mr Stormer.
“Edit my previous statement. We can all be friends again except him.”
“Agreed.” Tony just shrugged at Steve.
“So where are you two crazy cats going to go on a date now that Captain Steve dropped the big L word? I can give you some local places if you want ideas.”
“SHAWN!”
Captain America looked good blushing in Shawn’s opinion. He was pretty sure that Tony Stark agreed too.