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They’d just sat on top of the TARDIS, eating ice cream amongst the stars, acknowledging what was to come next.
The light of the earth the background to a moment that was overshadowed by grief.
“Let’s not say goodbye.”
It was something they had both agreed to and so here they now were, in a park not far from Yaz’s home, the Doctor watching as Yaz steps further and further away from her.
Both of them had hardly a word on the short journey there, enough was said when they then gripped onto each other, taking fistfuls of each others coats as they hugged before the TARDIS doors opened.
Every moment they’ve shared flashes through the Doctor’s mind with each step Yaz takes, all those places she still had planned for them to go to – so many planets, so many more flavours of ice cream to try.
And then Yaz stops.
She turns around, acceptance mixed with sadness covers her face.
The Doctor gives her a small reassuring smile from where she stand in the doorway, one that tells Yaz “it’s okay. I’m okay. You’ll be okay.” Her eyes give away the sadness much like Yaz’s do, though, full of “why does this have to end?” And pleads for more time.
Time.
It’s always down to time.
The Doctor has a bloody time machine and yet she still feels like she never has enough of it. Not when she truly needs it.
Wants it.
Yaz’s expression changes to one the Time Lord can’t work out, shaking her head as she mumbles something that the Doctor is too far away to make out and then she’s off, back towards her.
The Doctor’s hearts thump in their chest more and more the closer Yaz gets, her goal unclear but a look of determination now evident.
“Yaz?” Brows furrows and confusion thick in the Doctor’s voice once Yaz is back in front of her. “What’s-“
She’s cut off before she can ask, a hand cupping her cheek and pulling her in to meet soft lips.
If it wasn’t for the warmth surrounding her right hand - the regeneration energy that’s the reason they’re parting, then maybe the Doctor would’ve thought this was some sick dream. Her mind playing tricks, regeneration hallucinations, making her think she’s getting the one thing she fought back from doing as they stood in the TARDIS, fought to not just take the leap and do after she’d seen the glow surrounding her hand.
Because she had, she fought and fought, her eye darting back and forth from Yaz’s eyes and lips deciding if it was worth the pain, worth giving into knowing what happens next.
Yaz’s words that she’d said on the beach, that of her Nani’s echoing in her mind.
“Courage is knowing something will hurt and doing it anyway.”
And she wishes she had had the courage back then, but it turns out that Yaz did, she had enough for the both of them right now.
But here they were now, taking what they both could just as it was being taken from them and the feeling in the Doctor’s chest is a reminder, she can feel her hearts ache as Yaz’s lips capture hers.
Her left hand still holds open the door while her right moves to hold Yaz’s waist and the Doctor wonders if she’s able to feel the warmth through her shirt.
The unavoidable reminder.
The Doctors hearts crack as Yaz’s hand moves further round to the back of her neck, fingers tangling in her hair. They both deepen only briefly to then pull apart before it goes any further, their foreheads resting together.
Neither of them say anything.
The only sound being the wind as it flows through the trees shaking leaves on its way, footsteps as someone walks past, above everything is the beating of her broken hearts thumping so loud she wouldn’t be surprised if Yaz could hear them too.
“See you in 24 hours.” Yaz breaks the silence with a whisper.
A promise that can’t be kept.
The one they gave each other every time she had dropped her off, the same one she’d given Ryan, Graham and Dan.
The goodbye that meant see you soon.
Now more of a wish.
A wish that wouldn’t be fulfilled.
Not in 24 hours.
They pull apart completely, the Doctor’s eyes meet hers one last time and she takes in every shade of brown within them. Takes in every inch of the face of the woman in front of her, the scar on her forehead, the strong curve of her cheekbones, the jewellery that decorates her ears, the lips she now knows the feel of.
Every inch of the face of the woman she loves because she refuses to forget her.
Loves.
The Doctor would never say it out loud, not even in this moment, she couldn’t, the most she found she could do was tell Yaz what she’d had as they sat on top of the TARDIS earlier.
”Oh, I have loved being with you, Yaz.”
Yaz’s thumb wipes the tear that’s escaped down her cheek, one the Doctor did even know had fallen, nodding her head with tears sitting in her own eyes as if she knows what words sit in the Doctor’s mind, on the tip of her tongue.
“See you in 24 hours.” She whispers back instead.
Yaz’s hand falls from her face as the Doctor’s falls from her waist, separated again, this time for good.
She can still feel the warmth from where Yaz’s hand had been, a warmth that distracts her from the one that encases her right hand only getting stronger and stronger by the second.
Yaz walks backwards for a few steps before stopping, not far from where she had been originally, the Doctor lets out a shaky breath as she gives her a small smile once again, Yaz gives a small nod and smile in return and that’s it.
The Doctor looks away and heads inside the TARDIS not daring to even look back as she closes the door on Yaz for the final time.
As she slowly makes her way to the console her fingers come up to touch her lips, the feel of Yaz’s imprinted on there, like she hasn’t moved away and, oh, how she wishes that were true.
Wishes were all she had now, wishes for more, wishes to see Yaz again… maybe one day they’ll come true.
Maybe.
Flicking a switch and turning a dial, one place in mind, the idea having come to her while her she and Yaz were embraced. Because although there was the sadness and heartbreak there was another feeling buried in there, a feeling that felt like the equivalent of a sunrise as they both gave into the kiss.
The Doctor pulls the lever and the TARDIS groans as she takes off, one thought on her mind as she heads to her final destination.
“Just one last trip, one last sunrise.”