Work Text:
Pearl crumpled to her knees at the edge of the sky arena. She sat back fully and allowed her legs to hang over the cliff. She grabbed at the soft, pink grass beneath her hand, while with the other hand she wiped incessant tears. She let herself succumb to her emotions, and sobs shook her body.
Her mind whirled, her thoughts running a million miles a minute. Her head pounded, and her eyes blurred with tears. The sky arena around her was no more, and instead it was the millions of thoughts running through her head, crowding her vision, making her shake.
Rose Quartz. Steven. Would Steven be okay? Was Pearl vigilant enough with him? Could she always make sure he was okay? Did she hurt him? Garnet. Did Garnet hate her? No, Garnet was her best friend. But she’d seen every mistake, every blunder. Who would want to be friends with her? Everyone. Just a pearl. Not good enough. Steven would get hurt. Her friends would all leave her. She could see it clearly as day. Another sobbing wail racked her body.
“Pearl.”
Pearl whipped her head around, going quiet except for sniffles. Garnet was standing across the arena, her expression unreadable. She strode across and knelt beside Pearl, removing her visor and taking Pearl’s face in her hands. “Look at me.”
Pearl sniffled and looked up at Garnet, wiping her tears. There was… concern in Garnet’s eyes. Her mouth was turned slightly downward, and she reached out and put a steadying hand on Pearl’s shoulder.
“I… I just…” Pearl hiccupped. “I keep thinking about everyone, and if I’m doing well enough for Steven, and if I’m good enough for all of you. What if Steven gets hurt, and I can’t be there for him? What if… what if you leave? What if-?”
“Shh, Pearl. Breathe.” Garnet lifted her hand to gesture for an inhale. “In…” She dropped her hand. “And out.”
Pearl followed her guidance, slowing her breathing, even though it was still shaky from crying. Tiny hiccups racked her as she attempted to breathe deeply.
“In…. and out.”
This time Pearl’s breathing was smoother.
“In… and out.”
Her hiccups stopped.
Garnet held Pearl’s face in her hands and began to sing gently. “Take a moment to think of just flexibility, love, and trust.”
Pearl relaxed under Garnet’s touch. Yes, she loved and trusted Garnet. She… could be flexible, if she tried.
“Here comes a thought that might alarm you.”
What if Garnet didn’t love and trust her? She wouldn’t blame her.
“What someone said, and how it harmed you.”
Pearl’s chest tightened as Peridot’s voice rang in her ears, joined by hundreds of others, homeworld gems that never believed she could be anything but a servant. A Pearl with impure colors. “You're a Pearl ! You are beneath me! I'll always be better than you!”
“Something you did that failed to be charming.”
Now Pearl was back at Peridot’s communication tower, fusing with Garnet, just wanting to be beside her, to be strong. She was lying, she was awful, she couldn’t communicate, she just wanted… A sob racked her and she pulled away from Garnet sharply. She didn’t deserve this. But to her surprise, Garnet stood up and grabbed Pearl’s hands, pulling her up and into her chest.
“Things that you said are suddenly swarming.”
Pearl’s own voice invaded her head this time. “You’re just a phase!” “I’m the one she wants.” “I know more about her than any of you ever could!” Shocked, hurt faces swarmed in her mind’s eye.
Garnet gently held Pearl’s hand, and she rose en pointe and spun into Garnet’s side, tears streaming from her eyes. Garnet dipped her gently.
“And oh, you’re losing sight, you’re losing touch. All these little things seem to matter so much, that they confuse you.” Garnet lifted Pearl’s chin and looked into her eyes, all three eyes open and sparkling. “That I might lose you.”
Pearl’s heart skipped a beat as Garnet continued to lead them in their emotional dance, twirling and stepping together. Dancing always made Pearl feel better, and Garnet knew it.
She stopped to stand grounded and gently pushed Pearl’s shoulder’s back. She realized she was tense as ever, and she tried her best to relax and roll her shoulders back.
“Take a moment, remind yourself to take a moment and find yourself. Take a moment and ask yourself if this is how we fall apart.”
Pearl closed her eyes. Garnet was her best friend. Garnet had stayed with her through thick and thin, through all her mistakes. If that wasn’t proof that Garnet loved her, what was?
“But it’s not, but it’s not, but it’s not, but it’s not, but it’s not. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.”
The repetition lulled Pearl into relaxation, and she danced more loosely, extending slender legs and twirling and letting Garnet hold her.
“You’ve got nothing, got nothing, got nothing, got nothing to fear. I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.” Garnet pulled her in close, wrapping warm, tight arms around her. She rested her chin on Pearl’s head and held her tightly.
When she let her go, Pearl joined in the song, dancing freely around her friend. “Here comes a thought that might alarm me. What someone said, and how it harmed me. Something I did that failed to be charming. Things that I said are suddenly swarming.” But now Pearl was in the arena, with Garnet, not stuck in the darkness of her head. The thoughts passed by more peacefully now, with Pearl trying her hardest simply to watch them, like birds at the park. “And oh, I’m losing sight. I’m losing touch. All these little things seem to matter so much, that they confuse me.”
Garnet spun her and joined back in. “That I might lose me.”
And they sang together, lost in their dance, Pearl’s heart fluttering with happiness instead of fear. “Take a moment, remind yourself to take a moment and find yourself. Take a moment and ask yourself if this is how we fall apart. But it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. I've got nothing, got nothing, got nothing, got nothing to fear. I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.”
Pearl’s breathing was steady now. They were thoughts. She wasn’t back there. She was here, with Garnet, who loved and forgave her, because she was a different gem now, a better one. Rose always talked about how it was only Earthlings who changed and grew so much, but Pearl realized that gems changed and grew too. Pearl had learned better how to communicate her feelings. She never wanted to hurt Garnet like that again. And Steven was alright, and Pearl would always do whatever she could for him. Some things were out of her control, and that… That was okay.
“And it was just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. We can watch, we can watch, we can watch, we can watch them go by. From here, from here, from here.”
Pearl melted and sank into Garnet’s arms, singing by herself once more. “Take a moment to think of just… flexibility, love, and trust.”
And she reached up on perfectly pointed ballerina toes and pressed a kiss to Garnet’s lips. And suddenly, they were Sardonyx, not out of lies, but out of love.