Work Text:
“I hate Steve Rogers.”
Clint looked up from peeling the label on his beer bottle to stare at Tony with a raised eyebrow. “You hate Steve Rogers? How can you possibly hate Steve Rogers?”
Tony scowled and glared across the nightclub to stare at the blonde man in question. “He keeps cock-blocking me!” He cried in annoyance.
Clint’s second eyebrow joined the first. “Don’t you have a girlfriend already?” He asked, meaning Pepper; who was really a remarkable woman if she had to put up with Tony every day.
Tony turned back and stared a Clint suspiciously. “You’re joking right?” He asked.
Clint honestly felt offended on Pepper’s behalf if Tony didn’t seem to see the problem here. “Cheating is ‘a bit not good’, Tony.” He explained slowly; they had gotten into the habit of using the Sherlockian TV reference whenever Tony made a faux pas; it seemed to sink in better when phrased that way. He wasn’t expecting the billionaire to throw his head back and laugh until he was almost rolling out of his seat clutching his stomach.
“You…hahaha…oh my God, you think…haha…some super spy you are!” Tony managed to gasp out between giggles.
Scowling, Clint placed his empty bottle onto the table with a thunk. “What the hell are you talking about?” he demanded.
Wheezing, Tony pushed himself upright using the table as leverage until he was sagged over it. “Pepper and I broke up three months ago.” He stated as he wiped a few stray tears of laughter from his eyes. “Why do you think she moved back to Malibu? She’s been dating Happy for at least three weeks now.”
Clint blinked in surprise and stared at Tony in surprise; wow great, now he felt like an idiot. “Does Cap know?” he asked instead, trying most likely in vain to redirect Tony’s attention back to his hatred of Captain America.
Tony gave him a look which promised future mocking but magnanimously allowed the change in focus. “Of course he does, Pepper mentioned something to him before she left. Most likely she gave him orders to make sure I don’t give myself alcohol poisoning or choke to death on my own vomit or something.” He said muttering the last of the sentence under his breath; unfortunately for him Clint was wearing his hearing aids so he heard it over the thumping of bass of the nightclub’s music.
“So what, he keeps interrupting because it offends his forties sensibilities that you’re trying to hook up with some chick to soon after Pepper?” Clint asked with a smirk.
Tony slumped in his chair and groaned. “If only!” he cried waving his arms around in despair. “He just joins in the conversation and the woman’s attention is immediately redirected from me to his perfect Adonis-like body and I lose her! I don’t even think he’s aware of what happens!” he bemoaned. “Their innuendo just flies completely over his head!”
Clint couldn’t help himself and began laughing at his friend’s misfortune. “That is fucking hilarious.” He grinned.
Tony pointed a finger at him with a glare. “Don’t even.” He growled. “Just because you’re regularly getting laid by a hot redheaded assassin doesn’t mean you can laugh at my pain.”
Clint rolled his eyes at the incorrect assumption of his and Natasha’s relationship; he didn’t even try to correct his teammate’s errors anymore, they never believed it when Clint said she was like a sister to him anyway. Speaking off, he turned away from Tony who was now focused of throwing back his drink as quickly as possible and tried to find Natasha amongst the writhing masses of people in the nightclub. It took a second but Clint caught a flash of red hair and he found her speaking with a dark haired man by the bar on the far side of the room. She was clearly working her magic if the way the guy was hanging on to her every word was any indication. Natasha must have felt his gaze across the room because when she leaned in to murmur something in the guy’s ear; the man’s eyes turned to follow her gaze and Clint suddenly felt himself being evaluated. If the slow inviting smile that spread across Dark and Handsome’s face meant anything, evidently Clint was not found lacking and the guy turned back to share a grin with Natasha.
“Oooh boy, if you want to get laid you better get over there; otherwise your Missus is going to be finding her own entertainment tonight.” Tony stated causing Clint’s attention to turn away from admiring the dark haired man and back to the billionaire.
Clint got the distinct impression that Tony had gotten the wrong end of the stick again; but it was an excuse to head over to the pair so Clint took it. He swallowed the last of his beer and then pushed to his feet. “Don’t wait up.” He directed before he started weaving across the dance floor.
“I don’t plan to.” Tony retorted to his retreating back. “I’m calling tonight a bust and heading home now!”
Clint slid up to stand beside Natasha and casually rested an arm around her shoulders and half leant against the bar. “Tasha.” He murmured in greeting as the hand over her shoulder played with her hair. “Who’s your friend?” He asked, taking the time to admire the man up closer from the leather boots to the tips of his dark spikey hair. Very Nice.
Natasha smiled demurely at him from under her lashes and slid her free hand up Handsome’s bicep to rest on his shoulder. “This is Kyle, he’s on holiday and visiting New York for a few days; he wanted to see the sights.”
“And lovely sights they are.” Kyle answered with a sly smirk that switched between the two assassins.
Oh Jesus H. Christ, he’s got a British accent. Clint returned it with one of his own and a pretty pink blush worked its way across the other man’s cheeks. Natasha, I love you. Clint tapped out with his fingers on the side of his friend’s neck.
Don’t I know it. She tapped on his lower back with her right hand. My emergency text should be coming in the next minute; so let’s speed this up. She added before she pulled away from Clint and leaned more into Kyle. “So, what do you think of America so far?” she asked as she trailed a hand over the man’s chest.
Kyle licked his lips as he stared at Natasha’s own. “It’s been okay.” He answered before his eyes flickered down the front of Natasha’s dress and back up then over to Clint.
“That almost sounds like you haven’t been having a good time.” Clint retorted as he stepped closer to Kyle opposite Natasha. “Does that sound like he’s been having a good time to you, Tash?” His partner in crime hummed slightly before shaking her head as her hand trailed down Kyle’s torso to rest on his belt lightly. “Perhaps we can show you a few things that will make your trip more…memorable.” Clint murmured suggestively, slipping one arm around Kyle’s waist and trailing his left hand around to join Natasha’s on the Kyle’s belt.
Kyle’s face flushed red and his tongue once more flicked out to wet his lips as he stared between the two. “I…yeah, that sounds like a plan I can get behind.”
Clint smirked and lowered his right hand slightly to rest on the curve of Kyle’s ass as he leant in toward Kyle’s ear. “Mmmm, your behind will be getting something alright.” He murmured pointedly.
Kyle jerked at the touch and he let out a breathy chuckle. “Well then, let’s get a move on.” He suggested.
Not a second later, an obnoxious tune began to play from Natasha’s cellphone. Natasha feigned surprised annoyance and they both pulled away from Kyle so she could dig into her purse to pull the device out. She made a few deft finger movements on the screen then a look of irritation came across her face. “Oh! Oh no, bad timing!”
Kyle immediately looked concerned and leant toward her. “Something wrong?” he asked.
Natasha looked up and made a chagrined face. “Work. A couple of nurses have come down with something and they’re short staffed in E.D. I’m going to have to rain check. Sorry.”
Kyle’s face dropped at the announcement but Natasha didn’t leave him time to reply before she turned to Clint. “Give him some good memories for me?” she ordered cheekily before turning and disappearing once more into the crowded dancefloor.
Clint let Kyle watched her go before he traced the back of the other man’s shirt with his fingertips and drew his attention once more. “You heard the woman, you still want to make some good memories of New York?” he asked with a sly look.
Kyle glanced once more in the direction Natasha had gone before turning his attention back to Clint. “Well, blonde’s always have more fun right?”
Clint grinned at the answer. Bingo! And the award for best Wingman goes to Natasha Romanov. “How about we go test that theory, you know, for science?” They started to walk toward the nightclub’s exit, weaving amongst the people as they moved.
“Lets.” Kyle answered with a smile of his own. “You know, in science it pays to do multiple tests to ensure a correct analysis.” He said with a leer.
“Please tell me you’re not going to go blow up Tony’s lab and pretend you were doing experiments?” The firm voice brought Clint out of his lust haze in a second and he turned to blink at Steve who was staring at him with a frown on his face.
No, I’m about to go have marathon kinky gay sex. Clint closed his mouth with a snap to prevent the thought from escaping; he didn’t want to be the one to pollute the poor man’s mind with dirty talk. “Exploding labs are not on the agenda, Cap.” He answered instead.
“Cap?” Kyle asked curiously. He looked at Steve for several seconds before his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in awe. “Oh my god, you’re Captain America!” He pulled his arm away from Clint and reached out to touch Steve’s chest before pulling it back just before his fingers brushed the leather jacket. “Oh wow, my Granddad fought in the war with you! He was one of the soldier’s you rescued in Germany. I can’t wait until I tell him I met you; oh, can I get a picture with you?”
“Oh really?” Steve asked in surprise. “What’s his name? Who did he serve with?”
Clint watched in horrified fascination as Kyle’s attention left him as the other man began gushing to Steve about his grandfather and showing him pictures on his cellphone. What in the hell?!
“Clint, can you take a picture of us?” Steve asked turning back to the archer; almost as if he had only just remembered he was there.
Clint automatically reached out for the phone Kyle held out to him and then brought it up take the requested photograph; this situation was still not computing.
“Thanks, man.” Kyle stated, more focused on showing Steve the picture on his phone than looking at Clint. “Captain Rogers, you have to let me buy you a drink; my Granddad would never forgive me if I didn’t. He respects you so much, did you know he named by dad after you? This is so cool! Come on!” He grabbed Steve’s hand and dragged him back to the bar.
“Oh Clint, I saw Natasha head out a minute ago, you should probably call her to meet up again if you want to finish your date!” Steve called back as he followed Kyle.
“What.the.fuck?!” Clint whispered in disbelief. It was then that Tony’s words from earlier popped back into this mind. “That cock blocking bastard!”
Grumbling under his breath, Clint stomped through the crowd and headed toward the exit. The noise decreased exponentially as he left the nightclub and he dug his cellphone out of his pocket and hit speed dial one.
“Why are you not having hot gay monkey sex right now?” Natasha demanded as she answered.
“Captain.Fucking.America.” Clint spat in frustration as he kicked the brick wall of the nightclub. “Cock blocking extraordinaire; Kyle’s a fan; they’re now bonding over Granddad’s war stories.”
“Ouch, that sucks.”
Clint heaved a sigh and sagged against the wall. “I hate Steve Rogers.”