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Remus Lupin liked his friends. He liked James and his playful antics, even when they often got Remus in trouble too. He liked Peter and his clever jokes, even when they were sometimes aimed at Remus himself. He liked Sirius and his loud chaos, even when they brought maybe a little too much attention to Remus. He liked his friends very much, and they’ve done so much for him, even when he didn’t think he deserved their kindness.
But Remus loved Sirius. He loved his confident charisma, constantly bursting into classes late but somehow managing to avoid getting detention in most cases. He loved his quiet affection, with whispered Are you okay? ’s– and his more common loud affection, with shouted Moony, I’ve missed you! ’s. He loved his careful attentiveness, the way he gently rewrapped Remus’ injuries after the recent full moons when Madame Pomfrey was busy taking care of another student. Maybe Sirius was a little too brash at times, and maybe he was a little too unpredictable, but Remus loved nonetheless.
“Remus, I really think you should talk to him,” Lily said, snapping him out of his thoughts.
“Is that so?” he asked blandly.
She rolled her eyes and nodded her head toward where James and Sirius were currently strategizing about the best way to hang mistletoe from the tall Gryffindor common room ceiling. Nobody was really sure why they decided their seventh year was the year to start this tradition, no matter how much both Remus and Lily tried telling them that it was not uncommon to spot springs of mistletoe hanging around Hogwarts during the holiday season, but once they’d thought of it, there was no talking them out of it. “Your idiot is about to try levitating a table with a person on it just to hang up a dried plant on a whim to create a ‘new’ Hogwarts tradition. You need to tell him how you feel before he gets crushed by a table,” Lily urged.
“Then you need to tell your idiot how you feel before he falls off the said floating table,” Remus retorted.
Lily scrunched her nose, knowing he was right. “Deal, as long as we have until the end of the week,” she said with her hand outstretched.
Remus shook it, feeling resigned. “Deal. Now, should we tell them they could easily hang up the mistletoe if they just use their broomsticks?”
She shook her head. “Nah, let them figure it out themselves.”
~
Remus did want to tell Sirius how he felt. He did. He told himself he did. But he didn’t want to face the possibility of being rejected, and the idea of losing Sirius as a friend scared him. But he feared the wrath of Lily after possibly breaking their deal more than anything else.
The mistletoe had been hung successfully, James and Sirius only maintaining a few bruises each before Lily and Remus agreed they would not, in fact, figure it out themselves, but it had been days since then and Remus had not gotten a moment alone with Sirius since the deal was struck. However, he spotted Sirius then in the library, appearing to be diligently studying for their exams before the holiday break, but Remus knew it was likely a plan for the Marauders’ next prank before most people left Hogwarts to visit their families. Remus took a deep breath and walked to the table Sirius was sitting at.
“Hey Moony, do you think it’d be possible to–” Sirius started
“Can we talk?” Remus interrupted. “Preferably in private?”
A confused and worried look flashed across Sirius’ face, but it was quickly replaced with a wide smile. “Of course, Moonykins.”
Remus could feel Sirius positively buzzing with anticipation for the conversation he knew was coming but not the contents of the conversation as they walked to their dormitory in silence.
Once they reached their dorm and the door was closed, though, Sirius sat on his bed, anxiously waiting for Remus to speak.
“Can you just say something?” he asked. “You’re really freaking me out.”.
Remus hesitated. It was now or never, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t terrified. “Okay,” he started.
Sirius huffed out a bit of laughter. “A rousing speech.”
Remus smiled weakly, sitting down next to Sirius, but not looking at him. “You’re my best friend, Sirius.”
“And you’re mine,” Sirius encouraged.
“I need to tell you something.”
“I already know you’re a werewolf, Moony. I thought we went through this years ago,” Sirius joked but he took Remus’ hand in his, squeezing it gently. “Seriously though, Re. I’m listening.”
Remus took a deep breath. “I think– er– I do love you. And not in the I-only-see-you-as-a-friend way, but in an irreversible way, and I don’t want this to affect our friendship more than it has to. I’d hate for it to end this way, but I’d completely understand if–”
“Re. Hey,” Sirius’ other hand turned Remus’ face in his direction. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same.” His eyes were so honest, but Remus couldn’t help but feel like he was a target of one of the infamous pranks of Padfoot and Prongs.
“You…love me?”
“‘Til we’re food for the worms to eat.”
Remus scrunched his nose at the sentiment but smiled regardless as they leaned in towards each other and sealed the promise.
~
The air was tense as Remus entered the Shrieking Shack where Harry, Ron, and Hermione stared at Sirius. Sirius, whom he hadn’t seen in twelve years. Sirius, who was innocent. Sirius hadn’t betrayed James and Lily as he had been told to believe.
So, they told them the story of how Peter Pettigrew became Scabbers together. They worked to convince the young wizards and witch of the truth, but they knew what needed to be done in order to fully convince them.
Remus took the squirming Peter from Ron’s hands, holding him so he couldn’t escape again.
“Ready, Sirius?” he asked.
Sirius grasped Severus’ wand in his hand then. “Together?” he responded quietly.
Remus nodded. “‘Til we’re food for the worms to eat.” The others didn’t know what they meant, of course, but they didn’t need to. That was for him and Sirius only. Sirius’ soft smile in response told Remus that he agreed.
~
Sirius had gone behind the veil. He was gone and there was nothing Remus could do about it. He could only stop Harry from meeting the same fate.
“Sirius!” screamed Harry.
Remus’ arms around Harry couldn’t do much to stop the hurt from coming. “There’s nothing you can do, Harry–” Sirius was gone.
“Get him, save him, he’s only just gone through!”
“It’s too late, Harry–”
“We can still reach him–”
“There’s nothing you can do, Harry…nothing…He’s gone,” Remus said weakly. Sirius was dead.
‘Til we’re food for the worms to eat, Remus promised silently.