Chapter Text
From across the room, Olivia watched Amanda bouncing Oliver on her knee, his little face staring up at his mother as if in wonder. She smiled, filled with happiness for her friends; filled with continuing awe at them having named their son in her honour; filled with memories of when she had first taken in Noah - when something in her world had finally felt like it had shifted into the correct place.
She shuffled along with the line at the coffee shop counter, pausing again when it came to a stop.
“Captain Benson?”
She turned to the source of the voice, preparing herself to greet one of the myriad people she met on a day to day basis, and hoping, as she always did in these situations, that she would recognise them.
“Oh!” she smiled, having to look up slightly higher than she had anticipated when she found herself face to chest with one of Noah’s teachers. “Mr Byrne, hi.”
“I thought it was you,” he smiled back, a hint of a soft Irish accent in his words. “And Conal, please. Too much formality for a weekend.”
“Then, it’s Olivia.”
“Oh, don’t feel you have —”
“Olivia’s fine,” she assured him.
“Okay, Olivia…” He said her name as if he was testing it out. He seemed satisfied that it would work. “How are you?”
“I’m good, thank you.”
He glanced around. “No Noah?”
“At dance class round the corner.”
“Ah. Probably for the best. Never fun to see your teacher outside of school…”
Olivia chuckled in agreement. “Heaven forbid you find out they’re a human being with a life outside that building.”
“Exactly. You should see some of the looks I’ve had.”
“Oh I get similar if I see people from my cases at the grocery store.”
“You do your own grocery shopping?” He feigned disbelief.
“It has been known,” she grinned.
The line shuffled along a little so they moved with it, a brief silence falling over them while they moved.
Then he picked up the conversation more seriously again. “Actually, my daughter has just started dance classes around the corner.”
“Aww. How old?”
“Twelve. And thrilled to have been dragged to live halfway across the country. Thank God I was finally able to get her into a class! I had not expected the wait lists.”
“Yeah. It’s a popular school… Maybe she and Noah are in the same class.”
“Oh maybe. I’ll ask her later. Oh, is that — Is that okay if I ask her?”
“Sure… Unless you think it’s better they don’t know the connection.”
“To be honest, I think Noah will notice a resemblance. Autumn looks a lot like me. Only…” He gestured to his smooth-shaven head, “more hair – a lot more hair – and…” He ran a hand over his greying, brown beard. “Less beard. And less grey.”
Olivia laughed, turning away to shuffle forward again with the line, before facing him once more. “So, you’ve only recently moved to New York?” she asked him.
“Yeah, just before school started back. I grew up here, but I met a girl at college and moved to Minnesota.”
“Ah, that timeless tale.”
“Yeah… Not such a happy ever after, unfortunately. She upped and left three years ago —”
“Oh I’m sorr—”
He shook off her sympathy. “For the best, but obviously it’s been hard on Autumn. I probably should have got her out of town sooner – a lot of memories, you know. It just didn’t occur to me. But my Dad’s still in the city and he’s not doing so well so we’ve moved in with him… Sorry, look at me telling you my life story.”
She shrugged off his concern. “I asked.”
“I should have prepared an abridged version for polite conversationalists, like yourself.”
“Ah, but I’m trained in interrogation. You’d have told me the full story no matter what you’d prepared.”
He laughed and she noticed that it lit up his dark eyes and she felt a mysterious jolt of something – guilt? – in her middle. It had passed before she had time to ponder it.
“Okay,” he said, “Well, I don’t feel as bad now.”
“Please, don’t. I’m happy to listen.”
“What else is there to do in a coffee shop queue?”
“Exactly.”
On the next shuffle of the line, Olivia reached the front so she smiled politely to Conal and turned to place her and Amanda’s orders. She recognised Nadine from her near-weekly visits, so they exchanged pleasantries before she began.
“Please let me get this,” Conal offered, stepping up beside her as Nadine told her the price.
“Oh, no. No, I’m with my friend,” she said indicating across the room to Amanda.
“Well I didn’t think you’d ordered all that just for you,” he smirked. “Although, no judgement if you had.”
Olivia regarded him carefully, trying to determine his motives.
“Please?” he asked, his voice soft but serious. “Noah told me what exactly you do for a living and… Think of it as a thank you. From the father of a teenage girl.”
Nadine shot Olivia a look that seemed to say, “How can you refuse that?” and Olivia caved.
“Okay, thank you. But let me pay for Amanda —”
“Nope.” He insisted, holding his hand across the card reader to ensure she could not pay for anything. “No. You go back to your friend. I’ve got this.”
Nadine gave Olivia a small smile as she took Conal’s order.
“Well would you like to join —” she began, feeling like she couldn’t just take his money and run.
“No. I’m gonna go for a walk; check out the area for future Saturday mornings.”
He must have been able to tell that she was not comfortable with how things had turned out. “Listen, you can pay next time.”
When did she agree to a next time? That stab of whatever it was stopped by again.
He laughed, “I’m joking, sorry. I take some getting used to. Honestly, I’ve been in awe of you since Noah told me what you’ve been doing for twenty-five years. Thank you for letting me do this. Really. Go on. Go cuddle that cute baby. You have been suitably polite to me.”
Nadine, by now, looked like she was on the verge of laughter and Olivia was no longer sure how she herself felt.
He appeared genuine. And there was little she could do about it now, anyway. “Okay. Well, thank you.”
“No need.”
“We’ll bring your order over,” Nadine assured her, and Olivia walked away.
When she sat down, she could see Conal over Amanda’s shoulder, chatting away with the man behind him in the line now, Nadine tittering at whatever the two of them were discussing.
Joey brought Olivia and Amanda’s drinks and pastries and, as she was arranging them on the table amidst the paraphernalia that accompanied Oliver, Olivia noticed Amanda watching her with raised eyebrows.
“So who’s your friend at the counter?”
Naturally, and completely involuntarily, Olivia’s eyes flicked in that direction, just in time to see Conal opening the door to leave.
“He’s one of Noah’s teachers,” she told Amanda, pointedly.
Her friend’s eyes lit up, lips pursing in perfect mischief. “He'd like to teach you a thing or two..."
“Amanda!” Olvia scolded, her eyes back on the door to make sure he definitely had left.
“What?” Amanda laughed, not at all repentant despite Olivia’s reprimanding tone.
“He’s got to be at least ten years younger than I am.”
“Never stopped you before.”
Her mouth fell open. “Er… it has.”
“So you and Stone never…?”
“No!!” That was a little too loud and drew some surprised looks from neighbouring tables. “No,” she reiterated at a more controlled volume.
"Damn. Shame,” Amanda smirked, before lifting her cup and taking an innocent sip of her drink.
“Did you all think that?” Olivia had to check, worried now about what else people thought had gone on that they had completely made up.
Amanda shrugged. “Well, just the team.”
“Nothing happened.”
“Okay… But Mr Teacher…”
“We were just talking.”
“Uh huh. He looks at you the way Stabler looks at you.” That stab of whatever it was churned in her belly again, accompanied this time, though, by the familiar apprehension of the last three months; the worry over Elliot and where the hell he was, and what the hell he might be doing.
No doubt sensing the shift in Olivia’s mood, Amanda slipped from teasing to understanding. “Have you heard anything recently?”
“No.”
“Well, no news is good news, right?” she smiled, sympathetically.
“Yeah.”
Olivia took a long mouthful of the soothing hot latte to try to settle herself.
“If you asked, I’m sure Bell would —”
“Not my place.” She shook her head. “Not my case.”
“Hmm. Wives and girlfriends don’t get details.”
Olivia fixed Amanda with a stare, a silent warning that she knew Olivia was neither of those things. But, at the same time her mind wandered back through the years, to the times she ran interference; to the time she turned up to railroad Elliot on Kathy’s behalf, only to end up topless and pressed up against his bare chest.
She had been trying very, very hard, these last three months, not to imagine Elliot having to press himself up against anyone.
“Anyway,” she said, needing to change the course of the conversation, “hand him over.” She held out her hands to take Oliver, flexing her fingers to reinforce her command. “This is the only guy I came here to talk about,” she cooed, as the baby was passed into her waiting hands.
… …
The following Saturday, Olivia was called to a scene in the early hours, so Martha took Noah to dance. There, therefore, had passed a fortnight before she saw Conal again. Two weeks with no further news of Elliot, save what appeared to be a reassuring smile that Bell had offered her across a conference room at One PP when their paths had happened to cross.
Not that Olivia spent her time thinking about Elliot. Or counting how long he had been gone for (fourteen weeks now, not that she knew that). Or unconsciously sliding the compass pendant along its chain whenever she was focusing on reading paperwork.
Of course she was far too busy and occupied to dedicate thinking space to that moment in her kitchen back in January. Or to that Ohio examination room where she had felt terrifyingly, yet exhilaratingly, sure that he was going to kiss her. Or to figuring out whether she was ready to take a chance with him whenever he finally returned.
She missed him. Again. That was becoming more painfully clear – and resolutely ignored – with every passing day.
Her thoughts must have wandered while her gaze followed Noah as he headed into the building because she actually jumped a little when Conal’s voice spoke beside her.
“If you’ve not got plans…” he had begun, but he paused when she was clearly startled. “Sorry.”
“No, don’t be, I was miles away.” Exactly how many miles away, she still had no idea. “What were you saying?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“No, go on.”
“Well, I was going to say… Do you want to buy me that coffee you owe me?”
Olivia laughed, once, then settled into a smile. “Now, how am I supposed to turn that down without sounding rude?”
Conal’s laugh was more self-conscious. “I’m kidding. I’m kidding. Even about you owing me coffee at all.”
“No no. I do have a debt… And, as it happens, my only plan was to go and buy coffee, so you’re in luck.”
“You’re sure? Honestly, I — I think I mentioned last time that my sense of humour takes some getting used to.”
“Honestly. I’ll buy it. We won’t sit together while we drink it, but…”. She trailed off with a grin and they fell into step toward the coffee shop.
… …
It became a thing after that, but without becoming a thing. The Saturday mornings that she was able to drop Noah at dance, and not have to rush off to cram some work in while he was there, she and Conal had coffee, and they talked about nothing of consequence. And it was nice to have a couple of hours where there was no history forged in a world of crime and violence, no pressure to maintain the façade of all the Olivias she had been since most of her friends had known her.
And, no matter what Amanda had said about Conal looking at her like Stabler did, Olivia couldn’t see it. And, no matter how much she liked to pretend otherwise, she could see it with Stabler. She knew exactly what Amanda meant, and she was certain that there was no sign of it from Conal. They were friends, she thought, a few weeks in – it had been a while since she made one outside of the work arena. But it was nothing more. She was confident that they both knew that.
What she forgot was that they were not the only people involved.