Work Text:
I’m going to tell her.
But the question of ‘how’ is a laughable thing.
I had tried in the Hollyberry Kingdom. At her suggestion, we sneaked out of the palace party, both giggling at the success of the illusion she conjured. We wanted to see the city not as heroes but as normal friends on a holiday. I had thick shades and swaddled my staff in cloth to make it unrecognizable while she put her hair up in a shawl. We both left our soul jams in our rooms under heavy protection spells.
Then, I made the mistake of seeing the floating teaspoon staves. They cost 20 coins to ride for a whole day, and it looked like two could fit when seated. The dock was far away, but we could reach the romantic gondola boats. We could rent a private one, and I could tell her there.
I pointed at the staves and told White Lily cookie the two of us should try it to move around the city faster. But she looked hesitant. At first, she expressed her keenness to head straight to the local library/café, but she indulged in my request.
Long story shortened: we got on, and I kept falling off or leading the stave straight into neighboring stalls. Golden Cheese cookie made flying look so easy… but we either gained too much altitude or hit something/someone. In the end, Lily offered to drive. Safe to say, she was better at it.
I felt so embarrassed! I had to heal her multiple times, and by the time we made it to the docks, I was too ashamed to be in the same gondola with her alone. I opted for one with a ferryman instead, and we were given a tour of the kingdom’s famed tourist spots until we were stopped by the royal coastguard with a very cross Hollyberry cookie at the hull, yelling at us with a decorated megaphone.
Then I tried telling her in the Dark Cacao kingdom. We were merely visiting for the new year. We were told the first sunrise of the year in the easternmost kingdom was quite the sight to behold! I could find a spot for us on the wall, preferably a spot with fewer watchers, and I could profess my love.
How beautiful she looked, too. We had opted for clothing that was appropriate to the culture there, and I could not help but stare when she wasn’t looking. She would peek out of her winter coat timidly, with jam rushing to her pale cheeks and her nose, making them blush a bright red color. Oh, how I wanted to hold her right there.
She asked if I could follow her to a chocolate tower that overlooked the sea, but I hesitated since I had already planned out the wall trip. And I forgot flowers! With Dark Cacao cookie’s permission, I went off into the nearby woods to gather star jelly flowers.
The locals say these were fallen stars that mistook the snow for the sky, so I could probably tell her that I had brought her stars, tiny suns, just like the ones that she unconsciously bears into my world. But I spent too much time in the cold that by the time I went back, I felt feverish. I tried casting spells, but my hands were simply too cold, and I could not do much for myself.
Lily found me shivering in my assigned quarters after the sunrise, bearing a disappointed expression.
I swallowed back tears and told her I wanted to see the flowers. She seemed to understand completely, though, since she knew I loved flowers.
I spent the rest of the day warming myself and trying not to turn into a popsicle.
I tried telling her in the garden… but… it didn’t feel right. It was our special place; if I ruined or messed up my confession somehow, I would detest the garden forever. Hell! I’d have it burned down rather than remember.
Everything fails.
Oh, how useless.
In the end, I just sigh.
“Have a safe trip home, Lily.”
She gives me a puzzled look.
“… I… Does that mean my room here got revoked…?”
OH!
“No!” I almost yell. “Right! You’re staying here in the castle,”
Lily just laughs a tiny bit at my flustered reactions.
“But you’re free to walk me to my room, your highness!” She prompts.
“Yes, that’ll mean I can protect you from any harm or such.” I chide.
And it means more time with you.
And so, we’re walking back from the garden. I lead the way quietly, feeling numb at another failed attempt. It’s when Lily pipes up.
“You’ve been trying to tell me something,”
I almost stop in my tracks in a panic. She’s onto me! Nonetheless, I try to soothe my breathing and pace.
“It’s nothing,” I say as nonchalantly as I can.
I turn my staff sideways to look at her, but her expression is hard to read. Her lips are taught in a line; it is completely blank.
“Alright.” She whispers.
Soon enough, we reach the door to her room, and she places her hand on the doorknob.
“Have a good night!” I greet.
Something about her demeanor dampens further when I say that.
“Oh, alright, I’ll try my best to have one.” She chides
“Best?” I ask, concerned.
“Oh,” she starts. “You know I don’t like my thoughts. They’re intrusive, so they keep me awake.”
She must have seen the sadness written on my face because she waves it off.
“Don’t worry, please? I-I’m getting better at positivity, yeah! Especially around you… You make things feel okay. And I might just miss your company?”
Her words don’t really register. Instead, my staff focuses on how her other hand fidgets with her dress and how her jam-red eyes avoid mine.
She misses my company? I miss hers too, always. It’s why I always try to find ways to be around her. Oh, sweet Lily. Always insecure, but for what? The image she sees in the mirror must be so distorted. If only she could see herself as I do. Selfless, humble, kind, shy, and maddeningly graceful. The words could go on. But I snap out of my thoughts to at least give a response.
“Well, I can’t just sleep with you, that would make things weird and-”
Fuck.
I realize the innuendo of what I had said too late. My eyes bug out in alarm.
“CRUMBS, THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!”
I launch into an explanation as quickly as I can! Oh, Pure Vanilla cookie, why must you be so clumsy! I’m sure I’m blushing hard. My staff does a point of twitching and turning its view on my face so I can see just how embarrassing I was.
“Pfft-”
Then I look up, near tears, to see White Lily cookie start laughing uncontrollably.
My mouth goes open in shock and disbelief. Sure, she looks adorable, and it’s endearing how she breaks into peals of laughter, but how can she laugh at a time like this? When I’ve stepped over an unspoken boundary and sullied her view of just how much I respected her?
“Lily!” I sulk.
“I know, I know! But your face! It’s like a tomato.”
“Stop!” I demand as I hold my free hand over my face to cover it.
Then I feel my staff shifts in my hand—its tendrils reach for her. She gently grabs it by its base, and she completely turns her view towards me.
“See?”
My staff—the traitor it is—shows me just what she sees. I do resemble a tomato because even some strands of my hair stuck out like its leaves. And, goodness, there were wrinkles all over my robes.
“Oh, pick a side!” I huff at it.
Then I sense my staff’s tendrils start to wrap around her arm affectionately; the flower leans on her endearingly, but since its view is focused on me, I can only see my own glare reflected back at me.
“See, he’s more honest to me than you are,” I hear Lily giggle. “Probably loves me more, too!”
I sense her gently patting the petals with her fingers.
“I most certainly love you more!" I cry. "In fact, nothing, and no one, will love you the way I do.”
“…”
There it is. I messed it up.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry-
My staff is with her, and I can only see myself looking so pathetic. My hands are balled up into fists, and my teary eyes avert her gaze… I lament the fact I cannot see her expression at all and, instead, have a front-row seat of me and my wrinkled robes and unruly hair.
“Can I have my staff back-”
“What is it, really, that you mean?” she cuts. “I don’t know what you mean anymore.”
While she says it, she reaches out and returns my staff. And I could see her smile replaced with a face I see her make when something confounds her.
Feigning innocence, I tilt my head as if I didn’t understand.
“Well,” she explains hesitantly, “I don’t know if… this banter still counts as platonic.”
I don’t dare respond.
“I’m not that dense.” She continues. “Or… maybe I’m in over my head. Is there something you want me to know?”
Yes. But how do I tell her? Why should I tell her if I can’t find a reason that I seem to want to be around her? I just do. Do I need a reason? Do I tell her I love her handwriting? That I could listen to her complain about her complicated hair for hours? Do I say I want to be there, holding her hand, if Earthbread ends?
“Words won’t work,” I say hopelessly.
Because it’s true that they won’t; I have planned out so many things, but I end up delaying them because I can’t bring myself to say it. Because what if I lose her?
“Then what might work?” she asks quietly.
My staff suddenly takes the lead. One of its tendrils wraps around my arm, and the other reaches out to Lily. It grabs a hold of her arm and pulls us close.
Thanks to the staff, I can see the blush on her face, the surprise in her eyes…
I do the only sensible thing and lean slowly lean in to kiss her.
She doesn’t pull away.
Her lips are everything I ever imagined. I feel my inner child rejoice. They are warm and have a floral aroma; they are perfect. In this random hallway in my kingdom. Where there’s not a lot of light to properly commit this moment to heart, I find apprehension...
Does she feel her name written on my lips? Does she feel me pour out all the contents of my heart at this contact we’re having?
‘I love you,’ I want to say.
‘I love you, I love you, I love you. I don’t know why. I want you, please stay.’
And it happens too quickly when we both pull away for air.
She’s blushing now, too. I’m elated; she didn’t refuse the kiss. And if I’m not mistaken, I can see hope in her eyes.
“Well.” She says in a tiny voice. “That was… a well-delivered backup plan.”
“Is that all the feedback I’ll be getting?” I whisper.
“Words won’t work.” She says.
“Then what might?”
This time, she leans forward and kisses me.
I feel her sincerest confession; my name is written on her lips, etched into her fragile heart. It is her love for me woven in every concerned glance she had given me on our past few encounters. Her love is her patience... how long have I kept her waiting? Did she wish to tell me as well? That...
‘She loves me too.’
‘She loves me too, she loves me too, she loves me too.’
This is my best friend. I am kissing my best friend. It feels so wrong that we’ve both crossed this barrier. We pull away and gasp for air, and I already know what she’s thinking. She doesn’t know what to do either.
We had formed a delicate glass floor, and if it broke, we would surely fall even further for each other. Together. What a delicate, confusing, beautiful mess.
“Whatever it was you wanted to tell me,” Lily speaks. “I want you to try again tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“Just in case words would work. If it doesn’t, then… you may resort to your backup plan again.”