Chapter Text
“Are you even listening?”
Crowley was not.
“Ngk.”
“All right, fine, but you’re missing out.” Nina rolled her eyes as she went back to wiping the counter. “Anyway, if you’re not going to come then you can be in charge of closing tomorrow.”
“What? Fine.” Crowley tore his eyes away from the window. Nina raised an eyebrow.
“You can go inside, you know. Your little friend comes in here to talk to you all the time, it’s not like they’d be unhappy to see you.” Across the street, Muriel came out of A.Z. Fell & Co. to remove the owl-shaped doorstop that had been holding the door open. They looked up to see Nina and Crowley watching them, smiled and waved before flipping the ‘open’ sign to ‘closed’ and heading back into the bookshop.
“I don’t want to go inside, I just—I just want to know what they’re doing in there all the time. They’d better not be selling books.”
“And what if they were? It’s been months since… since he went away.” Nina attempted to be tactical. It didn’t matter, Crowley heard the underlying ‘since your partner abandoned you’ behind it – her words, not his. They weren’t… eh, what did it matter anymore?
The bell above the door jingled. Maggie came inside carrying a large cardboard box. She dropped the box on the counter then leant across it to give Nina a quick kiss.
“Christmas cookies from the bakery downtown. I told them about the party and they gave me a massive discount – I don’t think they realised it was just for a handful of people!”
Nina opened the box to reveal a selection of delicately decorated biscuits. “You are a lifesaver. These’ll still be good tomorrow, and I got some other snacks this morning, so I think we’re all set.”
“And you’re sure you don’t mind closing the coffee shop early? I know Saturdays are your busiest days.”
“Well, Mr. Grumpy over here doesn’t do Christmas parties, so he’s kindly offered to stay and keep it open until the usual time.”
“Oh no, really?” Maggie looked disappointed.
Crowley half grimaced and half smiled. “Not my thing, dear.”
“Are you sure? We’ve only invited half a dozen people, it’s barely even a party!”
“No thanks. Enjoy yourselves, I’m good here.”
Maggie tried to mask the concern on her face, but she was never very good at it. Crowley was no stranger to guilt, but it still pained him to disappoint these two.
It was mid-December, almost five months since he went away and Crowley had been working at Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death for three of them. He went the first month without seeing anyone, driving around the country in his Bentley, attempting to find somewhere that didn’t remind him of Aziraphale, but everywhere did. Eventually he found himself back in London. The angel’s presence was strongest here but somehow hurt the least. So he parked in a back alley and walked around London every day aimlessly. With no reason to tempt and no motivation to perform any miracles, he began to do what regular people did. He fed ducks, he rode the London Eye (that was particularly boring, he didn’t understand the big deal), he went to museums.
That was where Nina had found him. Sat cross-legged on the floor of the Natural History Museum, just staring up at the giant blue whale skeleton that loomed in the entrance hall. He had been there for a few hours before a familiar voice jolted him back into reality.
“You!”
He whipped his head around to see the woman from the coffee shop standing behind him.
“What are you doing here?” she asked bluntly.
“Just… looking.”
“At dinosaurs? Surely you’ve seen them in a better light than this. Knowing you, you were probably the cause of their extinction.” She sat down next to him.
“Actually, that was all the other side.”
“Figures. It’s not all black and white, is it? More sort of… grey.”
That got his attention.
“What are you doing here anyway? You don’t seem the museum type – you didn’t notice that’s not even a dinosaur, it’s a whale.” He gestured at the skeleton they were looking at.
Nina cocked her head to the side. “Huh. So it is.”
“So?”
“I—I’m here on a date, actually.” She shifted awkwardly.
“Really? So you and—”
“Joanne.”
“Who the heaven is Joanne?”
“My date. She’s in the bathroom right now.”
“But—but what happened to the other one?”
“Nothing, I just…” She waved her hands a bit, stalling. “This is my first date since Lindsay. Maggie’s lovely, but I didn’t know if I was ready. I didn’t want to… get her hopes up, just in case it backfired terribly.”
“So this Joanne is like a practice run?”
“Ugh, don’t say it like that,” Nina grimaced. “You make me sound awful.”
Crowley smirked. “I didn’t say I disapproved. You forget, awful is my specialty.”
“It seems to be backfiring anyway,” she sighed. “As you’ve so shrewdly noticed, museums are not exactly my thing. I don’t mind going alone, but I’ve spent all day constantly aware of how much time I’m spending at each exhibit, whether I’m reading faster or slower than Joanne, whether I’m slowing her down or rushing her, whether we’re both just reading things we have no interest in because we think the other is interested. It’s exhausting! Holding a decent conversation as well is just out of the question.”
“Mm.”
Nina let out a laugh. “I don’t know why I’m venting to you.”
“It seems I’m not as intimidating as I try to appear.”
“Intimidating?” she scoffed. “With your try-hard emo outfits and dark glasses? It takes more than that to scare me off.”
“Yet you seem scared of Maggie.” That shut her up. “The fact that you’re worried about getting her hopes up means you care, right? Isn’t that enough?”
If only it was.
“Where have you been anyway? I don’t think I’ve seen you since—oh!” She seemed to realise something suddenly. “Your—what happened with…?” She seemed to read Crowley’s blank expression and trailed off.
“Yeah, no.”
“He didn’t…?”
“He left.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I really thought—”
“So did I. Or I hoped, rather. Stupid, really.” There was a brief silence before Nina spoke again.
“Hope is never stupid.”
He shook his head. “Nah. There was never really a chance. He was always going to choose Heaven.”
“So that’s where he is?” she asked, as if talk of angels and Heaven was a normal Saturday afternoon.
Crowley nodded. “Big promotion.”
“Nina?” A woman with short dark hair appeared. “Sorry I was so long, there was a queue.”
“This must be Joanne!” Crowley exclaimed and she turned to look at him, bemused.
“Um, yes?”
“Anthony.” He got to his feet and stuck out his hand. “Friend of Nina’s.”
“Oh! It’s lovely to meet you, Anthony,” she replied, shaking his hand while Nina mouthed ‘Anthony?’ beside him.
“Pleasure,” he grinned. “I’m off now, you two enjoy yourselves.” He winked at Nina, who glared in response.
“Wait!” Nina cried as he turned to leave. “Are you… alright?” she asked apprehensively.
“Tikkety-boo. You know me, Nina.”
“Just… feel free to drop by some time. Coffee’s on the house. If you ever want it.”
He nodded thanks.
“And for the record,” he emphasised the last word, “I don’t think you should be scared.”
Joanne looked between them, lost, but Nina’s eyes conveyed understanding. He turned and left, thinking that maybe having a friend wouldn’t be so bad.
A week later he found himself in Soho again. He stood outside Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death for ten minutes before he finally entered. He could feel Nina’s eyes on him the whole time, but she didn’t mention it when he arrived at the counter.
“The usual?” she asked with a casual air.
“Er, yeah, sure,” he replied awkwardly. She smiled, but he suddenly felt out of place. Satan, this was stupid. What was he even doing here? He took his espresso to a table in the corner and tried not to feel like an imposter.
It was a mistake. From where he was sat he could see right into the window of A.Z. Fell & Co., a figure darting back and forth occasionally with a stack of books. Muriel – he knew that’s who it was, no matter how much he wanted it to be someone else. Apparently he was there for hours, because all of a sudden it was dark and Nina was standing by his table.
“I’m closing now, but you’re welcome to hang around longer if you want.”
“No, I’ll—I’ll go.”
“What do you do?” she asked suddenly.
“Hm?”
“What do you do all day? For the last month, have you just been sitting in coffee shops, or on museum floors, thinking?”
“No, I—”
“I think you need something to do. Stop yourself from moping so much.”
“I don’t mope!” She looked at him sceptically. “All right, fine, but what am I supposed to do? I’m not exactly gonna get a job, am I?”
She shrugged, “you could work here.”
“Pff,” he scoffed, but she didn’t seem to be joking. “Wait really?”
“Sure. I could do with a miracle worker some days to get this place cleaned up.”
“I don’t… I haven’t actually done one of those in a while.”
“A regular worker, then. Unless you’d rather stare out that window all day?”
Crowley thought for a moment. Like she said, it would be good to have something to do. You could only spend so much time wandering around London aimlessly – he had given most of the ducks in St. James’ Park names already – and it couldn’t hurt to see a friendly face more often.
“Fine.”
It was fine, for a while. He started to feel a bit better, he learnt to make a mean macchiato, and got to know the regulars. Maggie would come in most mornings for a skinny latte, at which time Crowley conveniently needed to take a break. It didn’t really count as meddling in their relationship if he was just trying to help a friend, right?
“No news from Joanne?” he found himself asking one afternoon as Nina checked her phone.
“Still nothing. It’s probably for the best, though. She spent most of our second date moaning about her neighbour’s cousin. Or maybe it was her cousin’s neighbour, I never quite figured it out.”
“So you’re not too upset about it?”
“Nah. She was nice enough, just a bit dull. Didn’t seem to have any real interests beyond gossip and sushi restaurants.”
“Do you have interests?”
“Oi! I have interests! I… I like… oh, shut up.”
Crowley was grinning now.
“What about…” he nodded across the street at the record shop. Nina followed his gaze.
“I don’t know if she’s even interested any more.”
“Pah, don’t be ridiculous. She’s in here pretty much every day, and every time I serve her she’s looking over my shoulder just to see if you’re in. She’s interested.”
Nina looked anxious. “But what if I fuck it up?”
“You won’t. And you’re talking to the expert of fucking it all up,” he held his arms out with a bitter pride. “Just talk to her,” he echoed the advice she had given him and the reference was not lost on her. She turned to face him with a sad smile of acknowledgement.
“All right. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll talk to Maggie if you talk to our little friend in the bookshop. I know you want to!” she finished decisively as he started to splutter in protest.
She was right, of course. Since he had started working at Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death, he had spent a large portion of time watching the bookshop. Muriel seemed very busy, always carrying stacks of books or sitting at the desk writing something down. They even had customers sometimes, which had horrified Crowley the first time he saw it. But each time someone went in, they had a lengthy and animated conversation with Muriel then left emptyhanded, which comforted him a little. He couldn’t deny he wanted to know what Muriel talked to them about. But not enough to actually go inside, that was… that was too much, too soon.
Still, he was curious. And Nina’s offer was tempting.
Fortunately for him, he didn’t even have to move to hold up his end of the bargain.
“Excuse me, could I have a regular coffee beverage please?”
Crowley spun around in surprise to find a friendly face smiling at him from the other side of the counter.
“Muriel?”
“Oh, Mr. Crowley, it’s you!”
“Indeed it is.” He restored his facial expression to a classic Crowley grin. “And what sort of coffee beverage would you like on this fine day?”
Muriel eyes widened as they took in the lengthy menu plastered on the back wall.
“I—I didn’t know there were so many options! Which would you recommend?”
“Ah, well, my personal order is six shots of espresso but er… maybe we could start you off with a latte?” he winked at Muriel who smiled back.
“A latte it is.”
“What brings you in here today?” Crowley attempted to sound casual. If his attempt failed, Muriel did not notice.
“Actually I’ve been meaning to come in for a while. Miss Nina is always so friendly when I bump into her,” Crowley scoffed at that, “and yesterday a customer I had mentioned that the coffee here was very delicious. Of course, I don’t really know what that means because the only beverage I’ve previously consumed was this horrible red liquid that made my brain go fuzzy, so I’m hoping this is better than that.”
“…Wine?” Crowley inserted, eyebrows raised.
“Yes, that’s it!”
“Heavens, ang—” he cut himself off just in time. “Heavens, er… kid.”
“Is there something wrong?”
“Weeellll, it’s perhaps not the best idea for the first human drink you consume to be alcoholic. Isn’t your lot against alcohol anyway?”
Muriel looked puzzled for a moment. “It’s not very clear. In theory, yes, but I think wine is somehow the exception? After all, Jesus was a big fan, and he’s one of Heaven’s favourites!”
“I suppose you’re right.”
“I didn’t like it anyway.
He wheeled around the counter and handed Muriel their latte. “Here, perhaps this will be more to your liking.”
They looked at it suspiciously, then spun the cup so it was oriented towards them.
“Oh!” They beamed up a Crowley. “It’s a duck!”
He couldn’t help but beam back. Latte art was one of those things that was so delightfully useless and so wonderfully human. Years ago he would have scoffed at people who wanted a swan (or, Satan forbid, a heart) on top of their coffee, but something changed in recent times. Joy in the little things. Beauty for beauty’s sake. There was something childlike and innocent about it, reminding Crowley of the part of himself he had long since forgotten.
For all Muriel’s joy at seeing the duck, they weren’t a fan of the latte. Bless them, they really tried to pretend otherwise.
“It’s… it’s very… nice?” they said through a pained smile. Crowley smothered a laugh. When had he last laughed?
“You don’t have to drink it.”
“No, I—”
“Really, kid. It’s okay. We should probably have started somewhere else, anyway. Coffee’s not to everyone’s taste. How about a hot chocolate?”
Muriel breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes, maybe that’s best. I liked the duck, though! Can you do that on a hot chocolate?”
“I can certainly try.”
Muriel became a regular at Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death. They always ordered a hot chocolate and Crowley always sprinkled cocoa powder on top in a shape that delighted them. Eventually they started to order food as well – blueberry muffins mostly, but on Saturdays Nina got a special delivery of pastries from the bakery nearby of which Muriel seemed determined to try every kind.
As summer turned to autumn, the angel in the bookshop turned into a friend. And Maggie and Nina turned into more than that. One morning the shy glances as Maggie got her morning coffee turned into something more, the kind of lingering eye contact and shared smiles that happen when you’re the only two people in the world who know something. The second Maggie left the shop, Crowley slammed his hand down on the counter.
“What was that!?”
“What?” Nina attempted to hide her grin to no avail, then decided to stare blankly at the till to avoid looking suspicious.
“What? That!” he waved his hand furiously at the door. “That fucking ‘have a nice day’ bullshit with Happy across the road!”
“What do you mean? We’re just being friendly.” Nina turned to the next customer. “Hi, how can I help?”
“Friendly my arse!” Crowley interrupted, also turning to the customer. “Sorry, my friend and I are actually quite busy, if you wouldn’t mind waiting.”
The old man in line shrugged. “No problem. He’s right, you know.”
Nina ignored him and finally looked at Crowley. “Fine. Maggie and I… spoke last night.”
“Spoke? Looks like you did a lot more than that,” the man commented with a wink to Crowley, who stared at him.
“Who even are you?”
“Sorry. Leaving.” He held his hands up and walked away.
After a pause, Crowley pressed again. “Sooo… what was that?”
“Like I said, we spoke!”
“And…?”
“And maybe also agreed to go out tomorrow night.” She hid her head in her hands but it was too late.
“You’re blushing!”
“No!”
“Yes!”
“Ugh, fine!” Nina removed her hands and bit the inside of her cheek but her smile was irrepressible.
Crowley giggled. He actually giggled.
“So you’re actually doing this? Properly?”
She sighed and let herself smile for real. “Properly.”
Before he really realised what he was doing, Crowley had covered the space between them and picked Nina up in a crushing hug. She made a noise of surprise but hugged back for a few seconds before they sprung apart, clearing their throats and looking at anywhere but each other.
“Right. Well.”
“Yep. Good for you.”
“Thank you.”
They made eye contact again, this time a quiet sort of understanding and pride flickered between them.
“You know what this means, though?” she began, serious again. When he only looked at her with a puzzled expression, she continued, “you have to hold up your end of the bargain.”
She nodded across the road.
“What do you mean? I talk to Muriel everyday.”
“Yeah, but only because they come in here. You’ve still not stepped foot in that bookshop.”
“That was not a part of the deal.” Crowley was frowning again.
“It was unspoken!”
“Then it doesn’t count!”
“Oh, come on. What are you scared of?”
“I’m not scared. I’m just—I don’t have any reason to, alright?”
She let it go, as she did every time they had this conversation. One day, she thought. One day, he would admit that he was scared. And one day he would not be scared anymore.