Chapter Text
It was sunset, in Imperial city. The sun slowly drifted under the horizon as Elimir stared off into the nothingness.
Not even the crowds and lines of people thanking her and bringing her gifts could pull her out of the void. She’d once been a happy person, full of laughter and light. It wasn’t long ago there was someone who took her worries about the oblivion crisis away.
It was all gone now. He was gone.
Martin Septim had been gone for a month, and the very woman who swore to protect him with her life, who married him in secret, under the starlight, was a shell of the person she once was.
Elimir blinked, the sounds of the elder council and the blades speaking seemed to fade in as a voice sounded her name.
“Elimir. Elimir?”
She blinked and looked in front of her.
“Lady Elimir, what are your thoughts on the reconstruction?” An elderly man spoke. He was part of the Elder council, she presumed. Elimir looked around the room, all pairs of eyes were on her. She cleared her throat, “Forgive me, what was your question, my lords?” she asked, looking around the room. Baurus, a fellow member of the blades, and one of the only remaining members from the battle, and her only friend left, sighed.
“Elimir, they were wanting to know your thoughts on the reconstruction for the Talos district. What are your thoughts on your statue?” Baurus chimed in.
Elimir stared around the room, the elders eager for her response. She felt her palms get sweaty, she didn’t like the attention. She wanted to leave, wanted to run off to her room and sleep forever. She wanted to vomit, of all things.
“My statue?” she asked.
“Yes, Elimir. The people want to make you a statue, honoring your bravery as the Champion of
Cyrodiil-”
“I do not want a statue. Do not need one.”
“Yes my lady we understand that, but the people-”
“If you’re going to honor someone, honor Martin.” She barked.
The room stared at her and sighed. Baurus shot a worried look at her.
She didn’t used to be so quick to snap. She used to be kind, and respectful. Baurus of all people knew that, she knew he could tell.
Elimir stared at the room and sighed, “I need to get some fresh air, please excuse me.” she rasped. The elder council nodded in understanding, and Elimir proceeded to leave the room. When she closed the doors behind her, she could hear whispers, and the conversations carry on. She did not wish to be a part of their politics. All she wanted was her happy ending. That’s how it always was in the storybooks her mother read to her, back in Skyrim. Why did she not get to enjoy her happy ending just as the others did?
The clacking of her heels on the palace floors sounded through the hallways, the imperial guards watching her every step. Why couldn’t she just get it together? She was the Hero of Kvatch, she saved Tamriel- no. Martin saved Tamriel, it was all him. She did not deserve the glory she got from the people.
She mourned for Martin. She mourned for the person she once was.
She made her way to a small opening outside, and hurled her dinner behind a nicely decorated flower pot. She coughed and choked as the only thing she had the energy to eat emptied out of her body.
This has become a common thing recently. She was unsure what it was, but she couldn’t seem to keep anything down. She felt so weak, all she wanted to do was lock herself in the room the Elder council had given her and cry. She couldn’t even do that.
Wiping her mouth, she stood up and took in a deep breath. For once, the air had felt clear, it had felt clean. The Daedra were gone, and the people were safe. It was as things should be. But Martin was gone.
Elimir’s eyes teared up. Crying was the only thing that still felt real, the only thing that made her sure she was still able to feel. Before she could get another breath of fresh air, she felt the bile rise up her throat again, quickly running back to the flower pot, she emptied her stomach once more.
Water, she needed water. Not wine, not ale, water.
She wiped her mouth once more and began to walk back inside, she needed to get water.
She felt a hand on her shoulder, and she immediately turned around, her hand placed on the sheath of her dagger.
Baurus stood there with a sincere look on his face.
“What do you want.” She barked.
“The Elder council offers their apologies, Ellie.”
“For what?”
“For offending you, they forget how close you and Martin were.”
Elimir scoffed.
“It seems everyone forgets.”
“Which leads to my next thing, Elimir.” His voice serious, yet gentle and understanding. Baurus was the only friend Elimir had left, he was her only companion. He meant whatever he said as a friend, Ellie could see that. She looked at him, waiting for him to continue.
“Elimir, the elder council are suspicious. They know you and Martin were close. He'll, I know what went on behind those doors when you helped him with his paperwork. I guarded the doors.” He said. Elimir felt her cheeks get hot.
“What the fuck are you saying, Baurus? Does the Elder council want to know about my relationship with him?”
“Elimir, you've been vomiting.”
“That has nothing to do with this.”
“Elimir, they're suspicious that you're with child.”
She felt her stomach drop.
With child.
There was a possibility that she'd never thought of, never even considered. She very well could be carrying Martin Septim's child.
She took a step back, she felt as if she were going to faint. She had to sit down, had to get water-
“Take it easy, Elimir. Sit down.” Baurus said gently.
She took a seat at the bench right beside them, he followed and sat with her.
“Elimir, if you're carrying his child, they need to know. They need to know that the dynasty can be carried on-”
“No. It's not possible. He- he never..” She stammered.
Liar.
Baurus nodded his head. “That's all I needed to know, they wanted to play it safe.”
“We were careful.” Elimir said, staring down the corridor.
Elimir felt as if her entire life were going to fall apart. Her thoughts flashed to the night before they battled Mehrunes Dagon. Martin's hands running down her back, her fingers entangled in his hair. The sweat dripping from their foreheads.
They weren't careful. All they knew in that moment was that they were in love, and they were one.
Elimir snapped back to reality. And she couldn't breathe.
She stood up from the bench.
“Elimir?” Baurus said, concern in his voice.
“I need to get a drink. I need to lie down.” She whispered blankly. Baurus sighed and watched as Elimir walked down the corridor. Her hand was trembling.
She'd never thought of the possibility that she could very well be carrying Martin's child, she had not yet started her monthly bleed. She tried to justify it, well its too early to tell. We were careful. An infant couldn't survive the battle with Mehrunes Dagon.
No matter how many excuses she tried to find, they didn't work, they were debunkable excuses. Elimir sighed and rubbed her temples, her mind was splitting, her head ached. Elimir walked as quickly as she could through the corridor, she made sure to stop by the kitchens and pour herself a glass of water, the maids and servants all gawker at her like she was the greatest thing in the world.
Please, I'm not the one you should be honoring. She pleaded to them in her mind. She didn't want the fame, didn't want the glory. She didn't deserve it. Her one job the moment she swore in as a blade was to protect Martin Septim. Protect him at all costs, and for the Gods’ sakes, she couldn't even fucking do that. Elimir sipped the rest of her water, and slammed the goblet on the island.
She stomped through the halls once again, making her way to her newly assigned chambers. Not that it mattered, she would never sleep the same again. Not when for the past half year she'd been sleeping by Martin's side, his warmth and tenderness helped her sleep through any night. Not anymore.
Elimir closed the door behind her as she stepped into the room. The beautiful and luxurious room made for a hero, was only bleak and colorless to her.
She made her way to the vanity on one side of the room, sitting down in front of it.
By the Gods, she looked awful.
Her once full and warm face was now pale and thin. Her once bright green eyes that were full of love and hope for the future, now full. Dark circles formed under her eyes, it was clear to anyone who saw her that she wasn't doing very well. Anyone could tell that she hadn't slept right in over a month.
Elimir sighed, and began to take out the milkmaid braids from her hair. By Akatosh, even her fiery red hair seemed as if it was dull and lifeless.
Strand by strand, she unweaved her hair, let it all fall back to its natural form. The tension released from her head at least, that was finally gone. Her headache did not leave though, no matter what she did. She needed rest.
The sun had barely even set, but she had stood from the vanity and removed the jewelry and nice accessories the palace maids have covered her in. She didn't feel like herself, she felt like she was simply pretending. Pretending to be important, pretending to be happy.
She unbuttoned the clasps of her gown, and stared at herself in the mirror, she was thin, thinner than she should be. But one part of her wasn't. As if something needed to not be thin. She shook the thought away and climbed into her bed. It was cold.
She stared at the ceiling, even as the sun had set hours ago, as the candles burned out. She just stared. She couldn't even muster up a single thought, she didn't want to think.
Elimir eventually closed her eyes. Just to give the illusion she was sleeping. Just to pretend that she was okay.
She'd be okay if she were asleep.